Finding Link on Women/Fear of Rape June 4, 2013 12:57 PM   Subscribe

I'm looking to find a link to a story or comment that I saw on MeFi sometime within the past few months. It was about the fact that women naturally live in fear of sexual assault because of the fact they are physically smaller and weaker and the way the parts fit. Something about how every strange man has the potential to hurt them and that that's just something men don't experience?

I remember reading something like this on the site--my memory is of a reference to it on MetaTalk when someone asked for this very link/comment and someone else provided it (though I could be misremembering...). I believe its tone was addressed towards men, and it certainly read like it had a feminist bent.

Any help finding this again would be appreciated, as I would like to re-read the comment.

(Note: This post is about finding the specific link, not debating the content that I summarized above.)
posted by whitewall to MetaFilter-Related at 12:57 PM (18 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

One that gets kicked around here a fair bit is Schroedinger's Rapist, though it might not be what you're looking for.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:18 PM on June 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


I don't see exactly what you're looking for, but that was raised and discussed in this thread, and the resulting meta.
posted by zarq at 1:25 PM on June 4, 2013


I remember this, too. It was a specific comment about how a man isn't really going to think twice about being alone with an unknown woman, but a woman is going to think through being alone with a unknown man, since he could overpower or otherwise hurt her.

I think I'm remembering it a little more over-the-top than the original comment, but it was definitely interesting and something I (as a man) hadn't ever considered before.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 1:27 PM on June 4, 2013




There was also, the really, really good story about the creep at the conference - I don't want to give away the upshot - but I'd have to dig through my favorites to find it.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:32 PM on June 4, 2013


Here are four comments I made in the MeTa thread zarq linked to (1, 2, 3, 4) that speak to what you're getting at, though I didn't say anything specific about women being smaller or weaker, so perhaps mine weren't the ones you're referring to. Maybe it's another comment there, though.
posted by scody at 2:09 PM on June 4, 2013


Nothing mentioned about anything remotely like "the fact [women] are physically smaller and weaker and the way the parts fit," but was it either of these comments by scody: one, two?

Or a variation on Atwood?
Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, "We're afraid of being killed."
posted by divined by radio at 2:11 PM on June 4, 2013 [10 favorites]


Jinx. scody, I owe you a Coke! Also, those comments were AWESOME.
posted by divined by radio at 2:11 PM on June 4, 2013


You might be thinking of this comment by Nattie?
posted by cairdeas at 2:20 PM on June 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


We're halfway there.

Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug describes exactly the comment I'm thinking of:

> I remember this, too. It was a specific comment about how a man isn't really going to think twice about being alone with an unknown woman, but a woman is going to think through being alone with a unknown man, since he could overpower or otherwise hurt her.

Is this ringing anyone else's bells? Thank you all for your help so far!
posted by whitewall at 2:36 PM on June 4, 2013


Is it this from the Stranger Danger threat on AskMe? It doesn't have the bigger/stronger wording exactly, but it has the same feel.
posted by headspace at 2:50 PM on June 4, 2013


Other day I saw a joke regarding sexual assault. It went:

How come women don't have stories about their crazy exes like the men do? Oh right, because those women are dead.

At first I found the joke offensive, but then I found it thought provoking and sad, because there's an element of truth there. I have never lived in fear of any of my exes. Many of the women I've dated couldn't say the same about their previous mates.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:35 PM on June 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


I don't emphasize the smaller and weaker aspect of this, but I did make a couple of posts about dealing with the trained paranoia of being a woman while also having male friends, the most popular of which is here.

Amusingly, I recently had a reminder of my own trained paranoia when on the weekend a man followed me through the (locked on the weekend) gate and I had that heart-pounding thirty seconds when I tracked where he was by sound (because if you look you might make him self conscious/tip him off that you're aware of him) to hear if he was following me around the corner to my (locked) office, which was an incredibly isolated place - perfect for a rape. I was so relieved when he went into the office entrance before ours.
posted by Deoridhe at 5:39 PM on June 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


There was also, the really, really good story about the creep at the conference - I don't want to give away the upshot - but I'd have to dig through my favorites to find it.

I was thinking of this story too, here's the link.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 1:19 AM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Man, I hadn't seen that one before, thanks Homeboy Trouble. And yikes.
posted by cairdeas at 6:05 PM on June 5, 2013


I think you're after the thread about why women might not be so friendly to a male stranger who approaches them for example in a cafe and asks something like "hey, what are you reading?" but my search skills are failing me in finding the actual thread, which was a doozy if I recall correctly.
posted by Coaticass at 4:13 AM on June 6, 2013


On preview, cairdeas has it.- and the thread title was "Hi. Whatcha reading?" The whole thread was worth reading, not just that comment. Guess it has 453 favourites for a reason.
posted by Coaticass at 4:18 AM on June 6, 2013


Thank you for all the input so far. It isn't Nattie's comment that cairdeas links to. The comment I'm thinking of didn't deal with any one person's personal experience but was more abstract and general than that. Again, I think Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug and I are thinking of the same comment, but maybe it will be lost to the ages for a little while (at least until I have time for some more MeFi digging around...)
posted by whitewall at 7:16 AM on June 6, 2013


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