Q: Your account is 10 after the first $5 signup, so how can you claim to be the first $5 n00b?
A: OK, for the last time:
17578 - no account activity, nada, doesn't count.
17579 - with a name like "matt123test" it is obviously not a real account, and I would think that in a properly administered joint such an account would be deleted. Does not count, unless we want user #1 to be considered the first $5 n00b.
17580 - ditto above, this one is called matttest2. Does not count.
17581 - One comment ever, in early 2005. And an inane one at that. Surely we would not deem such an account holder to be an actual member of the community? Doesn't count.
17582 - OK, it gets a little questionable here, but would you consider a user who only ever answered questions in AskMe and who has not been around in over a year to be a member of the community? And even if you did, would you, my dear $5 n00b littermates, wish such a user to be your standard bearer? I submit that this also doesn't count.
17583 - only 16 comments over 5 years? Surely we can pass by this account without objections?
17584 - account does not exist. Doesn't count.
17585 - ditto.
17586 - ditto.
17587 - only 16 comments over 5 years, the most recent more than 2 years ago. Doesn't count.
17588 - Ooh, what do we have here? This is the first $5 account we have come across that has posted consistently since joining. There are posts and comments on all of the subsites, there is a user profile pic. This person posted in the actual welcome thread, on the day, and this person has even had ballads commemorating his exploits penned by cortex himself.
I am the first $5 n00b by any reasonable definition. And as is my birthright I claim the crown.