Fucking Fuck XVII: Fucksgiving November 23, 2018 9:47 PM   Subscribe

It's the day after Thanksgiving, when we can give all the fucks we were holding back during the holiday. This is the new Fucking Fuck Thread.

Please feel free to use this thread to share your anxieties, your coping strategies, your hopes and fears. And many thanks for helping to keep the ongoing US politics mega-threads information-dense and for reducing the workload for the awesome mod team. Everyone needs a hug.
posted by Doktor Zed to MetaFilter-Related at 9:47 PM (140 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

Fucken hell y’all.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:48 PM on November 23 [9 favorites]


fucking fuck, I just saw the inside of retail stores on Black Friday for the first time in years. Fucking fuck it was fucking fucking horrible. How do people do that in pursuit of the occasional $10 coffeemaker doorbuster or whatever?
posted by twoplussix at 10:48 PM on November 23 [6 favorites]


I just, like, needed athlete's foot spray at Target and some containers at a crafts store. Big mistake. Nearly got run over by zombies searching for discount air fryers or something.
posted by twoplussix at 10:49 PM on November 23 [1 favorite]


Coping strategy in years past: gathering friends for a Buy Nothing Day dinner out of town. It's expensive (air BnB, travel, etc) but after today I feel like it was so so so worth it to go to all the trouble we could afford. Definitely at least scheduling a board game day in town next year on this evil day if we can't afford to get away.
posted by twoplussix at 10:50 PM on November 23 [1 favorite]


Cannot share the worst of it. Fucking fuck. It’s like someone decided that we would play Family Gaslight and forgot to tell me. Airport in 5 hours.
posted by wellred at 2:59 AM on November 24 [27 favorites]


Hey wellred, you're doing a good job and you're almost there.
posted by ITheCosmos at 4:52 AM on November 24 [9 favorites]


This fun situation that apparently I do updates about in the fucking fuck threads nowadays...

So it's been weeks since the harasser was notified of the outcome of the investigation and none of us complainants have been able to find out what happened. The lawyers literally don't know either, and they have been chasing HR for info too. Yesterday I finally got a response from HR instead of them just ignoring my email. They said, yes, it's been resolved and in light of my repeated questions about what the outcome was, they have written a letter with this information in it. They have sent the letter to my union rep. By post. They recommend I contact the Union when the letter arrives, probably next week some time, and they can share it with me. No, they won't tell me anything directly.

I emailed the Union immediately, but of course got no reply. They usually take a couple of weeks and two or three follow up emails or voicemails before you get a response. So maybe by the next fucking fuck thread I'll know what the fucking fuck is going on.

Meanwhile the harasser is continuing to act very pleased with himself, his work situation seems to have improved in a couple of specifics, and he has been retaliating against the postdoc in weird ways for making the complaint, as far as we can tell.
posted by lollusc at 5:16 AM on November 24 [16 favorites]


When I woke up on Thanksgiving, I was fine. I drove to my sister's house, had a snack, and started having wrenching stomach cramps. Diarrhea started that afternoon. My other sister drove me home. Except for a trip to the doctor's yesterday, I've been home on the couch or in bed since (the dog thinks this is the best thing ever).

Whine whine fuss fuss. This is not how I planned on spending Thanksgiving weekend, but at least I'm finally watching the American Ninja Warrior finals that have been sitting on the DVR for months. Maybe it's time to try some more soup.
posted by joycehealy at 6:51 AM on November 24 [5 favorites]


My daughter is having an existential college crisis, in that she knew she was compromising on the program she wanted by choosing the college she's currently attending, but that compromise has made her unhappier than she thought she'd be. She now needs to decide if she wants to stay where she is and keep compromising, or compromise more by changing her major to something that's even less related to what she actually wants to do, or transfer and deal with the anxiety of making new friends and connections (social anxiety, man) and leaving the city and college she loves (despite the compromise, she loves the university).

All of this feel SO BIG to her and it's so hard to convey that no matter what choice she makes, she'll b fine in the end, even if it sucks for a while, because she's only 18 and serious life experience isn't there yet. It's all very fraught and there are lots of tears.
posted by cooker girl at 7:13 AM on November 24 [15 favorites]


I know I shouldn't complain, and I'm just being a weenie and that I'm so fortunate to have people to spend the holiday with when my family is too broken and messed up to want to spend any time together, but their eating and sleeping schedule is so hard for me, and I still feel like a total outcast after 10 or so years of doing this, and they NEVER TURN OFF THE TV and it's so loud and I've eaten all my klonopins and we can't leave for our 5 hour drive until after lunch and they're still eating breakfast at 11:30.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 8:19 AM on November 24 [13 favorites]


I feel you, still_wears_a_hat. I have a drive almost that length home from my dad's place (when I visit). I'm currently waking up at 5, even after the time change, and waiting around for them to wake up, wake up some more, have coffee, move their bowels, wait until they get hungry, talk a little and then have breakfast has come close to driving me insane. Reading metafilter helps... and if you run out of currently interesting threads, try going back 1, 2, 3 or 5 years. (kidding, a little)

I think I avoided watching news much at all yesterday and the megathread slowed down a bit as people had lives, so it seems like, hey, no gruesome massacres in the last 36 hours. (A very low bar!) But I accidentally clicked on BBC news in Twitter and saw that the world isn't actually better. But denial helped me feel better briefly. Denial is like a pain killer I can take from time to time. It says on the label it isn't very addictive. I'm not sure.

On topic: I am tired of being shocked, appalled and terrified. The "new [ab]normal" is so fucking hideous. Get it out of here!!!
posted by puddledork at 8:39 AM on November 24 [5 favorites]


At the airport now. Just talked to one of my very favourite people as it’s his birthday. I’m gonna be ok. Thanks pals.
posted by wellred at 8:46 AM on November 24 [15 favorites]


I was finally officially disinvited from my parents' Thanksgiving. I had no intention of going anyway, but it drives home that they'd prefer to destroy their family than consider that they could be both wrong and losing their minds.
posted by Candleman at 8:47 AM on November 24 [20 favorites]


probably in the minority here but it bums me out to see an AskMe get snarked on and gossiped about here (without it being the "official" topic of discussion).
posted by lalex at 9:08 AM on November 24 [24 favorites]


Wilson Fisk: Rage cannot stay inside. It needs to go somewhere... or it becomes a poison. It will kill you from within. I find that when this rage cannot stay buried in me for one more second... that a primal scream... is the only satisfying release.

Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
posted by homunculus at 9:14 AM on November 24 [1 favorite]


Lalex, i flagged the lot and also wrote to the mods just a short while ago.
Hope one of them puts a stop to it.
It is not right to go after an asker like that, including fantasies of physical violence to him. It should not be tolerated.
posted by 15L06 at 9:34 AM on November 24 [8 favorites]


Fuuuuuck I'd gotten my anxiety kinda under control and then fucked it up by agreeing to do something exciting (that I am completely capable of). Now it's telling me I am gonna be feeling like this for months till I do this thing and won't even be able to enjoy it fuuuuuuuuuuck. Fuck.
posted by Iteki at 9:42 AM on November 24 [4 favorites]


[Folks, this is not the place to talk shit about other users. Do not do that. ]
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:48 AM on November 24 [13 favorites]


joycehealy I know it's not funny but I did laugh out loud at the comment that your dog thinks your being couch-bound with intestinal issues is the best thing ever, Feel better soon.

Not only do I have no Evens, I have no motivation whatsoever. None. Except to sleep. I don't know if it's because I've been sitting on my ass by myself at home doing sales for 2 years (I hate sales), or the general state of politics, or annual holiday grumps or something else.

I started a WordPress class 3 months ago and still haven't finished it. It's not hard for me. I understand it, and am passing all the tests. Jobs come into my inbox literally daily looking for wordpress help. I just can't bring myself to finish it and start applying for jobs. I guess in the back of my mind all I can hear are the reasons for being rejected: you're too old' not enough experience, we're looking for someone with a different skillset...... EVen though that would be better than the current rule changing with the wind micromanager I'm currently enslaved to.

I feel very disconnected from nature & earth. I almost want to go work at a hydroponic lettuce place or someplace making compost. /whine
posted by yoga at 11:47 AM on November 24 [4 favorites]


Hey Barefoot Red Moscato, is kind of like the sweet red I took from my neighbors, (rather than them pouring it out,). It tasted like Welch's grape juice with vodka, but it may have a purpose. Moscato is always going to be sweet as F, but could be the liquid to raise a bread making sponge, for winter breads, or some such thing. If they sit out and warm in the open air, maybe enough of the alcohol will evaporate to not interfere with the yeast action. It might be just fine for making a regular old fruit and nut bread. As for fucks, nah, none to give, except that someone turned the gravity up this morning, when I headed out to walk. It felt as if I were carrying a whole turkey, besides just myself.
posted by Oyéah at 11:49 AM on November 24 [1 favorite]


I like Barefoot Red Moscato and all wine that tastes like soda. I like soda.
posted by bleep at 12:21 PM on November 24


Barefoot Red Moscato might make a decent winter Sangria.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 12:34 PM on November 24 [1 favorite]


Well.
It's dark here by 4:30pm after full days of grey skies. The entire city is covered by a sheet of packed snow followed by a thick sheet of ice followed by a sheet of dirt the city sweeps up each spring then redumps in the fall...
and I just screwed some heavy hardware into the soles of my running shoes so that I don't accidentally kill myself trying to get in the required exercise to prevent myself from deliberately killing myself over the next 5 months of this delightful state. Our thanksgiving was a month ago so I don't even have leftovers. And despite being pretty close to "fully stacked," I don't have any flirty coworkers to complain to about the effects of Canadian winters, so I've come here, and I'm happy to see I'm in pretty good company today.
posted by OnefortheLast at 1:06 PM on November 24 [8 favorites]


I had a perfectly nice Thanksgiving, but I probably shouldn't have eaten a bagel with cream cheese during my layover at O'Hare. Dear fellow airplane passengers: I am so sorry. In the future, I will try to remember that cream cheese, flying, and lactose intolerance are not a good combination.

I am thankful that I decided to fly home on Saturday, though, because we're getting 4 to 8 inches of snow tomorrow, and I don't think I would have made it if I'd tried to fly tomorrow.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 1:09 PM on November 24 [6 favorites]


Fuck anxiety, man. Things are ok, should be ok, but I have so much anxiety about work. Fuck my coworkers who said they'd do something Fri (we had it off but a few of us still had stuff to do remotely), and I had to text them to ask if it was gonna be done. NOT FUN for me to have to ask since seemingly it wouldn't be done, with resulting guilt and shame. Why do I have to be the one who cares, who doesn't want the hell we'd all face Monday if it wasn't done (maybe I'm the only one who feels it though). Fuck caring. I will say I'm throwing lots of tools at this anxiety; therapy and 12 step meetings, walking, self care. But hell.... wish it would just go away already. Fucking brains. What's up with brains anyway man. :) Fuck trying to control everything and everyone, all the outcomes. Non-fucks to letting things go, the universal SHRUG, staying in my own lane, letting go of judgement, forgiveness, and all that fun stuff. Word
posted by soakimbo at 1:32 PM on November 24 [5 favorites]


sometime ago my uncle told me that my brother was planning to interview him and our father and i made it clear that i wanted to be there too. when i called my father last night he told me that it had already happened (and minimized me when i got upset). it should have been a given that i be there and i want to say kaddish for my supercilious prick of a brother.
posted by brujita at 2:10 PM on November 24 [6 favorites]


and i was alone on Thanksgiving, none of my local friends could join me at Michelle obama tonight, but I'd made it clear that I'd be coming up Tuesday and no one included me at their dinner.
posted by brujita at 2:12 PM on November 24 [5 favorites]


I am mad that my doctor decided to unilaterally (and surprisingly) say "No more anxiety pills for you" without a back-up plan that wasn't seeing a weird psychiatrist who maybe thinks I am bipolar2 (Note: I am not, according to everyone but this guy) and I still have no solid plan in place that isn't taking more shingles medication (which actually works but makes me slow which I don't like) and meanwhile my boyfriend basically has an unending klonopin fountain at home because he lives in a big city where people do not assume you are somehow going to become an opiate addict if you take anxiety medication and occasional sleeping pills.

So, the short term solution is obvious (but not really legal) but it bothers me and meanwhile I am white-knuckling it through some of the holidays (which are fine, and everyone is fine) because having an anxiety issue means you're afraid to run out of meds, so you don't take them. I was a poster child for "Hey sometimes these meds are non-addictive, I have two years of personal data to show because I am a quantified self sort of nerd!" but no one cares and I live in a small town where drugs are A Problem and so this is how it plays out and now I am doctor shopping.

Anyhow, I am fine and this will be fine because I am happy just friendly-bronotosaurusing through this until I get what I need (but others might not, and this happens to lots of people). I have a great therapist (not the psych) who I've been talking through this with. I am just GODDAMNIT LADY at my doc who could have played this differently and did not. Happy to have something to be pissed off about, usually i am just "Well, the weather could be nicer...."
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 2:36 PM on November 24 [39 favorites]


My very elderly grandmother's health continues to decline and I don't want to even think about that. Fuck Walmart, who took three weeks to get a site to store order, then had it arrive for pick up at 6 the day before Thanksgiving, and then when I went to get it today had decided to use the same line/counter for online order pickup and layaway. It was a big long line of people with carts full of things all down the aisle. I walked off and left, they can send my order back. I wouldn't have ordered this way if I wanted to stand around in fucking Walmart for three hours. And I am having annual (there's a real reason for that) relationship issues that mainly go on just in my own head and I have to wait the neuroses out again. And I have to go back to work Monday. And I'm kind of depressed, and I think I've done something to my shoulder, maybe by regularly fucking sleeping wrong. And and and. Fucking fuck it all.
posted by dilettante at 2:38 PM on November 24 [2 favorites]


and i was alone on Thanksgiving

Me, too. Like last year. And I will be for Christmas, and New Year, like last year. Like many years.

But, I don't have to put up with a lot of crap like endless loud TV on with no one watching it, annoying or inconvenient travel, my sibling's third wife and her relatives, being bugged about my employment status, my siblings' tempers, and a host of other things!
posted by jgirl at 3:49 PM on November 24 [9 favorites]


Jessamyn, with you on the Shingles meds. I’m mostly peaceful, but it may be because I’m 1/3 asleep. I read my cookie ingredients list and checked it twice before beginning my baking. Had to leave in the middle of this time-critical project to go get eggs. When did this recipe start using eggs? Note...same recipe I’ve used for the last dozen years. I recruited a driver for the shopping trip.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 4:20 PM on November 24 [1 favorite]


FOCQ!
Why can't people
Drive, not hog isles, yell into the phone will texting, put things back, run a fucqing KITCHEN...or listen, not stay sober or pull a rabbit a left green signal.

And fucqing guns fuck u gun people YA. Keep it in the waistband or I will pistol whip you like Lee Van Cleef.

Tired of violent fucking cities and the ever fucking political nightmare that's turned that lite lime green, like slime from a pond that others dreg.
FOCQ!
posted by clavdivs at 4:40 PM on November 24 [1 favorite]


During Tday dessert time, I suddenly became exhausted & feverish. It's now been 48 bedridden hours with a 102-104° fever. This is the second time I've gotten this sick this fall (despite getting the flu shot). I am so over this. Wish me luck dragging myself out of bed to feed the cat.

In good news: Victor Victoria is now on Prime. It sustains me.
posted by ourobouros at 4:47 PM on November 24 [5 favorites]


ourobouros, I feel you; I've watched more TV in the last 48 hours than I have in months. I one-shotted Homecoming last night (creepy, twisty, subtle, recommended), I cleared American Ninja Warrior off the DVR today, I watched my alma mater win a really nice football game in the freezing rain (and then get into a fist fight with their rivals in the end zone WHAT IS WRONG WITH Y'ALL THIS ISN'T DIGNIFIED), I'm getting ready to watch the TCU game... I'm tapped out on sleep and I can't stray more than 50 feet from my bathroom longer than it takes to walk the dog.
posted by joycehealy at 5:03 PM on November 24 [1 favorite]


Fucking cold germs. I haven't had a cold in years. Mixed blessing that I felt horrible this morning, as even though it meant that I couldn't go to a friend's birthday gathering today, it also means that I didn't unknowingly bring a cold into her house. Her husband is bedbound and a respertory infection is life threatening for him.

Grumpy and tired. I hate coughing. Still glad not to be a plague vector.
posted by monopas at 5:36 PM on November 24 [6 favorites]


Here's hoping we all feel better soon. Or at least less ill.
posted by ourobouros at 5:54 PM on November 24 [6 favorites]


I haven’t been able to swim much in the last few weeks, the result of which is that my tendinitis is back in full force. I’ve spent an hour tonight with my arm in a bucket of ice. (Ok, in and out in 15 second intervals because hypothermia isn’t my goal.) I have a completely pain free arm for the first time in 3 days. It’s just unfortunate that as soon as the numbness wears off, the pain will be back.

In better news, I had the best thanksgiving in recent memory. In worse news, I noticed 2 typos in my first paper I turned in this week for my masters program. So I get to beat myself up over that now.

Tomorrow I go to the dickens fair, which usually I enjoy, but I’m behind in studying so I’m going to feel guilty about the time spent doing it.

That’s the full report.
posted by greermahoney at 6:02 PM on November 24 [2 favorites]


I've come to some understandings and it's making life difficult, though it will be better in the short & long run. I spent Thanksgiving alone because I am unable to deal with the holidays without being in tears. Was ill last week, and my body is still wonky. But I just spent the better part of 2 hours stacking wood, and now I can hang out by the fire and be cozy, and I guess I'm feeling better. Did tech support for a pal today and it was nice to use those skills.

I remain distraught about the horror show that is US politics, but it's a little bit better since we flipped the House. No such relief on Climate Change. Winter is upon us in Maine, too soon, and I was away and there are things that are not ready.
posted by theora55 at 6:04 PM on November 24 [5 favorites]


My HR person fell for some sort of scam and changed my direct deposit info. Right before bonuses go out. I’m told they’ll reissue it, but no one can tell me when. And it’s been a crazy month so I wasn’t on top of it until I started getting overdraft notices. Oh, and the scammer tried again right after we got things sorted out.
posted by snickerdoodle at 6:11 PM on November 24 [4 favorites]


One of my fellow dialysis patients died this week, at home. Two weeks ago, he was telling me he wanted to start driving himself to appointments again. Other patients I've known have passed on, and it's always jarring. Some patients keep to themselves but he was a friendly.

The clinic staff are forbidden from talking about patient deaths to patients, perhaps because of HIPAA, perhaps because it is too depressing. But we all have treatment in this one big room so we all know each other casually and the idea of patient privacy in that space is ridiculous.

His chair's been sitting empty and it's weird. I was whispered the news by one of the staffers, eyes darting, as if the words might be confiscated as she spoke them. Really, it's more depressing that no one talks about it. I wish they would post a notice or send around a card for us to sign for the family.
posted by mochapickle at 7:06 PM on November 24 [21 favorites]


I'm going to go check out Victor/Victoria.
posted by mochapickle at 7:06 PM on November 24 [2 favorites]


Earlier this week I called my mom to tell her that I wanted to go next week’s chemo appointment, and my dad kept interjecting in the background, “Nothing bad happened last time. The worst part is two to three days afterward.” I never know if I’m on speakerphone when I call, and it is maddening. Every time I would get closer to confirming the appointment details with my mom, my dad would love interrupt in the background. My mom continued giving me the details about her appointment. It sounded like she welcomed my presence, but my dad kept interjecting that I wasn’t needed. Finally I said, “I would like to come. It’s for you, not for him.” My mom got teary and thanked me. Fuck cancer.

I saw them on Thanksgiving, and like true non-confrontational Minnesotans, we all said nothing about it. If I were a better person, I would ask my dad how I can support him during the worst part, but I am so angry at him. I want to tell my mom exactly why I am going to her chemo appointments (because he is incompetent in a crisis and a willfully oblivious asshole in all situations), but I want to tell her privately (because he is an asshole) and can’t (because he is is always listening). He fucking reads her emails, too, and she claims to be OK with it. How does she not realize how fucked up that is? Fuck you, Dad.

Also, I deleted my Facebook account this week after 14 years of usage, and I have feelings about it. At this point in my life I used it mostly to post random garden photos and hilarious quotes from my kid, plus keep track of my various exchange student friends who are scattered all around the world. I’m angry that Facebook the corporate entity is so evil that I could not stay. I feel guilty for having shared as much of my kid’s life online as I did - will he hate me for it later? I’m sad that it’s all gone. I’m relieved that I no longer have to enforce internet boundaries with clueless/annoying/awful older relatives. Overall, I just feel so weird about it. Fuck Facebook.
posted by Maarika at 7:12 PM on November 24 [15 favorites]


my mom's been dead for a year and a half now and seriously, fuck that. i want to talk to her. i want to tell her everything new in my life. i want to hear her say she loves me. i want her to see how happy my girlfriend makes me and to know how much she would support and be excited for us. but being dead means you're gone forever which is just such total bullshit. FUCK.
posted by augustimagination at 7:24 PM on November 24 [39 favorites]


being dead means you're gone forever which is just such total bullshit

It really IS total bullshit, augustimagination, and I'm so sorry.
posted by slidell at 7:51 PM on November 24 [9 favorites]


being dead means you're gone forever which is just such total bullshit


Agreed. Fuck mortality. I'm sorry about your mom, augustimagination. I want my dog back.
posted by HotToddy at 7:55 PM on November 24 [5 favorites]


augustimagination, year 2 is when it catches you, the permanence, at least, it was for me. Year 1 is just this ridiculous blank in my head, I've got to look at calendars and Facebook posts to catch it, but it wasn't real, she wasn't really dead, right? Year 2 was when I kept going "I should call... fuck", "I should email... fuck", "I wonder if she saw my insta... fuck." It fucking sucks. You're not alone, and I am so sorry.
posted by joycehealy at 7:59 PM on November 24 [10 favorites]



I finalized the divorce a few days ago. I am now officially homeless as well as unemployed.

I spent thanksgiving at a good friend's house. He's a native Hawaiian, and I've spent the past several weeks surfing, doing yoga, and eating sushi. Salt water therapy has been very good after the literal hell my Ex-Wife put me through. I enjoyed a Hawaiian thanksgiving, with spam and everything, It was wonderful.

Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Thanksgiving day. He's got weeks, maybe. I'm due in New Zealand in a week or so. I'm flying home to say my goodbyes, and then I am off on the rest of my trip.

He and I weren't super close. He liked my ex-wife, and has been an asshole to me since the divorce, unfortunately, and well... I have complicated feels about all of this. Mostly, I am returning to support my mom.

2018 can die in a fire, though.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:58 PM on November 24 [24 favorites]


I am 46 and about to start dialysis because my kidneys have packed it in and we are trying to find a donor for a transplant but it's not going to happen soon enough. And in the past three years I've almost died three times: once from a heart attack, once from a life-threatening MRSA infection (the curing of which probably killed my kidneys), and once from acute CHF, which was a thing I didn't even know could happen before it dropped me in my tracks.

And now dialysis. At 46. Which terrifies me. Because of my past life as a paramedic I associate dialysis with a long slow arduous death and I am trying to come to terms with it.

At least I hear the kids these days are doing wonderful things with the medicine, and all my doctors are young enough that they look like Doogie Howser to me. There are a lot of them and I apparently have the proverbial gold-plated insurance. Which is great, so long as I can continue to hold down a full-time job.

But, goddamn, I am so sick of being sick. Every day hurts, and they're getting harder and harder and my health is falling off a cliff, on fire, and it's exhausting. Walking across a parking lot incapacitates me. Mornings just suck. My hair hurts.

I've had to retreat to my parents' in Central Pennsylvania because my life in California fell apart, and, lemme tell you, the optics of a separated 46-year-old guy living with his parents? Not so great at 2:00 AM.

All I can tell myself is to suck it up and soldier on. Because rtha is dead from cancer and a friend of mine ten years younger than I am is in the final stages of her own terminal diagnosis, and at least I'm going to get the transplant and probably be more or less okay.

But it still fucking blows and I'm feeling sorry for myself and old and tired and scared and so very done with the past three years and all the shit I've been through and this country's been through and we're all going through.

I hope everyone in this thread gets a hug when they need one and I wish I could give it. There's so much pain and suffering here and mine is only a little temporary bit of it.

So from one sufferer to the many, many others: I see you. I hear you. I'm so sorry and I wish I could help. You're not alone and here's hoping we can all pull through this together.
posted by scrump at 11:02 PM on November 24 [54 favorites]


Looooong slow boat ride this evening in perfect California weather just set my head straight after weeks of having been cooped up due to the wildfires and then (romaine lettuce?) food poisoning.
posted by twoplussix at 11:12 PM on November 24 [3 favorites]


I'm due in New Zealand in a week or so. I'm flying home to say my goodbyes, and then I am off on the rest of my trip.

Heading through Wellington? Call a meetup if you've got spare time; otherwise happy to try to make recommendations if you need any suggestions.
posted by Pink Frost at 11:24 PM on November 24


My sister had a Hail Mary baby which, surprise, did not save her marriage and made a messy divorce so much more complicated.

Our parents who have been begging for a grandchild for more than a decade are now completely batshit nuts now that things aren’t going well.

My grandma passed away last week after several years of terrible dementia.

All of this bullshit has now led my parents to sending frantic wellness check text messages if I don’t respond to their normal anxiety text messages within a few hours.

I’m nearly 40. Fuck this shit.
posted by hwyengr at 11:26 PM on November 24 [10 favorites]


It finally hit me that even though employers and clients may be made of individuals who are delightful, the entities themselves will take all you can physically and emotionally give them and turn around and ask for more. Only took forty years of being an eager-to-please good boy in the wake of family trauma to drive that lesson home.
posted by infinitewindow at 12:20 AM on November 25 [5 favorites]


Heading through Wellington? Call a meetup if you've got spare time; otherwise happy to try to make recommendations if you need any suggestions.

I'm landing in Christchurch on the 7th, and renting a campervan. My flight out is on the 20th. In between.... I was planning to stick to south island, but I could go to Wellington as well, and fly out of Auckland.

Memail me and we'll work something out!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:23 AM on November 25


I think I’m done with thanksgiving. I’ve made the effort, living in Japan to host a thanksgiving for friends, usually on the weirdly convenient Japanese national holiday that’s right around the same time. Last year, I managed to make it home for thanksgiving for the first time in 20 years, which was all kinds of great, in one way, because I’ve ended up on a path where I cook for a living (which is great, but also I’m well aware my body isn’t a young persons body, and I know my time in this incredibly not lucrative career isn’t that much longer, and I’m terrified of what happens when my hands just can’t hold a knife anymore, or my back can’t lug that sack of flour), and I was able to make thanksgiving for my family, which is something I’d always wanted, but it was also painful, because the family has grown much, much smaller since I’ve been gone, and rather than a big table, it was just a small handful of us, and everyone trying really hard to ignore just how few of us that was.

But now, back here in Japan, I have been growing away from some of the people whom I used to invite. I look at it as my day. I don’t want to share it with assholes. I don’t need to put up with a racist uncle because, we’ll, I choose the guest list. And yeah, this year was a lot smaller, mostly because I’m broke and exhausted, and some people who came, good friends, pressed money into my hand as they were leaving, because they know, and god, that hurts, because holy shit, I really need that money, no matter how much I wanted to say no.

But one of the guys, sort of the main person of the group of friends I used to hang out with, he didn’t take not being invited well. Ignoring that his Facebook feed has become a wall of “watch this Jordan Peterson video and try to tell me he’s not right about everything” and “stupid dems” type bullshit, or the fact that I told him, recently, after he and several other friends came into the restaurant where I work, drunk, and embarrassed me badly in front of my coworkers, that more than half the time I do manage to hang out with them (we have known each other over twelve years, lots of interlocking friendships and shared experiences, it’s not that simple that I can just cut and run), I end up going home feeling like shit and wondering why I hang out with them. And yeah, I’m pretty much in a state that rather than go out with anyone (even other people that don’t make me feel like shit), I’d just rather stay home and do nothing on the one or two days I actually have to myself each month.

So, rather than reach out to me and ask me if he was invited, or why not, he instead messaged another person, a person he’d never messaged before, but had shared a Facebook memory about thanksgiving a couple years ago, with a snide “sadly I wasn’t invited this year” message.

So, there’s basiclaly two options: one, just give up and walk away from an entire circle of friends that, admittedly, I’ve been growing away from, but who I’ve shared most of my time in Japan with, or two, deal with this asshole, and talk to him, knowing that it’ll be hours of bullshit where I’m the bad guy because I didn’t want to deal with stress at thanksgiving, which I managed to get anyway because of that stupid message.

That, and the giant get together he organized with everyone but me, on the same day, most likely in retaliation. It sucks, but I realize that it’s pretty much time to walk away, including from all the yearly get togethers at things like fireworks that have been a pretty solid part of my life here. Not having a great time of things. And yeah, maybe I’m done with taking two days off from my physically demanding job to work even harder to make a meal for people, knowing I can’t invite everyone, even all the people I *would* like to invite, and having to stress about leaving someone out who might feel hurt.

So, in short, fuck, I’m tired.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:38 AM on November 25 [22 favorites]


I'm sorry about everyone's health issues and loss and general dark times.

I'm tired. My father's dementia is tiring. Having to re-write a school's self-evaluation many times is tiring. I was talked into co-writing a paper on nineteenth-century women teachers and I am having difficulty finding the time and energy and am not pulling my weight. My cat has had his teeth cleaned and has been hiding under my bed for 24 hours and I'm sad that he is miserable.
posted by paduasoy at 1:52 AM on November 25 [5 favorites]


Brexit.
posted by Wordshore at 7:57 AM on November 25 [24 favorites]


I had three invitations for Thanksgiving dinner (none of my biological family is local), but two of them would have had lots of children present. I'm childless-not-by-choice and it's just too hard for me to be around families with kids.

Also one of my cats is getting old and his kidneys are going downhill, and I haven't switched him to the special wet food because it's expensive and it's too complicated to keep the other cat from eating it/to keep him from eating her food.
posted by shiny blue object at 8:24 AM on November 25 [4 favorites]


Brexit.

Sir, please! This is a family friendly website and that sort of obscenity and profanity is not to be used in polite company. Please do try to restrain yourself to more genteel curses like "fuck".

Sheesh, that curse is like three steps past "Belgium". The hell is wrong with you?
posted by loquacious at 8:56 AM on November 25 [10 favorites]


My brother is in the hospital. At first my mom reported it as enlarged aorta/heart stuff, but it's not.

I got the text right after talking with my friends about how they just lost someone to a heart attack, and me talking about how many my dad has had, how my uncle passed from one at a few younger years than I am now.

I had a REMARKABLY difficult time processing the news for a good hour and spent the first 15 minutes in a weird tunnel vision kind of space. I'm usually a lot more stoic and able to process this.

And the way I'm going and steamrolling over health problems despite all the previous smoking and booze and stuff, I have a scary feeling I'm going to be one of those well-preserved zombies that lives to a hundred. Oh, God, that's going to be my curse, isn't it? Is that the price for my sins? I get to watch everyone I love go first? Oh, fuck. :\ That's not how it was supposed to go.
posted by loquacious at 9:04 AM on November 25 [11 favorites]


This is a fairly mundane complaint, but here goes: holidays and long weekends have turned into Laundry Days, because our family generates a lot. And this would be manageable, except Kid T. Has an ear infection, which has ended up in vomiting in one bed, and peeing in another.

This was more cleanup than I anticipated!
posted by the man of twists and turns at 2:13 PM on November 25 [2 favorites]


I had a sandwich with romaine lettuce at lunch on Tuesday, a couple hours before the CDC said 'burn it all', and while there's no proof it was that and not norovirus or whatever other random bug, either way it resulted in four days of stomach/intestinal cramps and general ugliness.

I slept through most of Thanksgiving, ate some plain mashed potatoes later in the evening, and am only now fully functional. The only silver lining is that I ran out of sick time at work awhile ago so at least I didn't have to burn vacation days on this.
posted by Flannery Culp at 2:37 PM on November 25 [2 favorites]


Oh, sadness, I got on the scales. I thought I was safe eating six pieces of pie over four days, but no. Willy nilly various dinings, even though I kept up the exercise, added some pounds back. Well, I have to say my neighbor's cherry/blueberry pie was way delicious, served with hand whipped cream. I feel better without sugar, still that didn't compel me to not make little cakes last night, well, yeah, and eat them. Dang, I could have been a contender.
posted by Oyéah at 2:53 PM on November 25 [1 favorite]


So I can't buy an unsliced Cure 81 at the grocery store anymore, but I can order an "age ham" instead? That's fucking bullshit.
posted by thelonius at 4:03 PM on November 25


Fuck cancer, man.
posted by eirias at 4:07 PM on November 25 [4 favorites]


After 35 years in the US, my parents have to move back to their home country, halfway around the world, because of visa rules. I've known this was coming for several months, but it hit me today that this was the last Thanksgiving we're gonna spend together -- and Thanksgiving is honestly the only holiday I care about -- and I just lost it, man.

Fuck.
posted by basalganglia at 4:48 PM on November 25 [13 favorites]


I'm glad this thread is still here because the only word in my head after being glued to twitter all day is fuck.
posted by bleep at 4:51 PM on November 25


I am in a job that's related to the subject of the grad program I left and is in the same university and I still see people from my program and it's basically like working for an ex and every day an eternal silent scream echoes through my head starting the moment I wake up

I took it because I needed the money and didn't think it would be this bad. I'm trying to leave to get a job in the area I actually want to work for, but I will probably need to take a transition-type job to build my resume, and the transition-type jobs won't be opening up until March at the earliest, and the thought of staying in this job for that much longer makes me want to crawl under my bed and curl up into a little ball and never leave
posted by schroedinger at 4:53 PM on November 25 [7 favorites]


I've been coping and coping and coping and suddenly panic attacks! and its like the clocks been turned back 5 years and now I'm back with a prescription of ativan that I don't want to take but desperately need. Also after years of getting away with having had a ton of surgeries on my ankle, my planter fascitis has decided to return with a vengeance and now walking is difficult. Luckily I'm the sort of seasonal depressive that actually gets cheered up from rain and we're about to get a lot of it. Of course the real reason I know it's gonna rain a ton is after the fusion and subsequent surgeries my ankle always aches before it rains and boy is it aching...
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:44 PM on November 25 [3 favorites]


Brother is stable and also a tough mutant. Yay.
posted by loquacious at 8:46 PM on November 25 [17 favorites]


I'm glad your brother is okay, loquacious.

The traditional post-election depression is hitting me really hard, this year. With my mom being elderly and not in the best health, and my sister being dead, I really can't relocate for a campaign again. So I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just kind of floating around the house. I miss my sister, and I'm glad to be around my mom, but I'm not cut out to be a caregiver. I'm giving myself through the new year to just be really fucked up, and then I'll get back on my feet, but I was too sad to even call my family on thanksgiving. I did manage to cook for me and my mother, but that was about it. The outrage that's been fueling me for the last two years just isn't there anymore. I'm mad at myself about it. Like, jesus, they're putting kids in cages, and I'm not worked up about it? What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't know. I'm really good at getting back up when I'm knocked down, but I don't know if I can get back up after this one.

I did see so many kids this year where it was their first campaign, and being the person where I was like 'yeah, this is my third cycle' and the looks on their faces was just priceless, because who would do this to themselves more than once? I'm glad there's a new generation picking up the torch. It really might yet be okay. I'm just tired. And I really don't know where I'm going from here.

I feel like I've fucked up every good thing I ever had.
posted by dogheart at 9:35 PM on November 25 [10 favorites]


I never thought I'd be one of those people who wanted to be at work more than at home but being off work for the holiday plus emergency closure because of the bad air quality from the Paradise fires in NorCal means I had an extra long break. And my parents watch my son while I'm at work, and since I wasn't working at my job job, I was working 24/7 as a Mom and it was tiring. Now that it's Sunday, I had to set my alarm to wake up early tomorrow to go back to work just as I got used to sleeping in a half hour or so. Half the time I was home the air was so bad I couldn't go outside for a walk which is pretty much the only exercise I get. So I had severe cabin fever.
posted by jj's.mama at 10:23 PM on November 25 [1 favorite]


eh. everything sucks. do I even need to list the ways things suck?

aside from the obvious part, where half my life just slid away and my heart is broken and I don't even know how to put the pieces together again, I'm now having to deal with actually getting a different job. I've needed a new job for a while, but put it all on hold while rtha was sick. And now I need to get back to it. I fucking love the work I do, but have lost all confidence in the new senior leadership at my org, and need to find a new place to do it. Which may not exist.

Thanksgiving my parents were here, which was fine. They are nice people. but I don't experience them as comforting or supportive, really, because family. This whole week was really hard. A lot of the people who were around last week are gone/away for thanksgiving, and so I've had a lot more alone time. Which is just hard and sad and I don't really know what to do without rtha and I have things I want to tell her or text her a hundred times a day and I just can't.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:41 PM on November 25 [55 favorites]


My parents have custody of my cat Triceratops (who I love more than anything) because I live a life of stupid precarity and impermanence right now and it seems that she may have killed their tiny cat Flit who I also love a lot while they were out of town for Thanksgiving and I feel terrible along a number of axes?
posted by ChuraChura at 7:28 AM on November 26 [6 favorites]


Oh crap, gingerbeer. I've only barely tasted a meaningful, helpful job once, for just a few months, and losing that to them closing was downright heartbreaking, and I still miss it so much and knowing I was doing real, helpful, and peaceable work.

I want to not-really-kidding vote for gingerbeer for President except it wouldn't be kind.

Hearing RTHAs around my home is still choking me up and blind siding me with memories.
posted by loquacious at 7:49 AM on November 26 [3 favorites]


My close friends just suddenly lost someone in their community who was a pre-school teacher and activist of the sort that was a perpetual kid. The kind of person that makes robot costumes for kids and gives them away, and was always playing and teaching. Some 400-500 people showed up at his service. So this year at friendsgiving has been heavy because their 3 year old toddler confronting mortality on top all the adults here grieving the loss of someone so bright from their daily lives.

I've been told that it's been very helpful to have so many people in this house this year, so that was a happy accident.
posted by loquacious at 7:54 AM on November 26


My tween niece came out as trans and we were the only ones consistently getting the names and pronouns right. My partner finally came out as NB to some of her family. I didn't. Guess we get another year of let's pretend around the Conservatives for the sake of illusionary family peace.
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 8:23 AM on November 26 [11 favorites]


Recently I went to a speaking event featuring Jeff Tweedy, and he referred to William Gass. I saw an article about Gass this morning and was about to forward it to my husband, saying, this is the writer Tweedy referred to at the event. But my husband wasn’t AT the event because he left me for his girlfriend six months ago. Fuck my life.
posted by Occula at 8:28 AM on November 26 [8 favorites]


My parents' elderly kitty did die, but they have assured me that it was not Triceratops's fault. Flit was a very old, very frail, very weird little kitty cat and I am sad she is gone. No more 5 pound cat hiding in the basement ceiling and refusing to leave my parents' room.
posted by ChuraChura at 9:24 AM on November 26 [13 favorites]


Had my first round of IV chemo (bone strengtheners and immunotherapy) the day before Thanksgiving.

Spent the next 2 days (approx) with symptoms of the worst flu ever as my immune system kicked in against the meds.

Thanksgiving? Nothing but a blur of extreme pain, weakness, and staggering back and forth between the shower and bed. Friday? Marginally better. Saturday was mostly sleep. Yesterday I started to feel normal again.

Fuck.
posted by mrbill at 9:35 AM on November 26 [16 favorites]


It's not a big grr but, grrrr... I miss the trees and I've had enough big city.

I keep feeling like I'm thirsty for something not unlike an addiction, and keep finding myself instinctively and unconsciously stepping outside to look at trees or stars and then seeing jets, street lights and city trees.

I'm delaying travel home due to heavy rain and high winds. I've tried doing this local transit transfer run back home in bad weather before, and it can be a huge hassle and travel risk due to downed trees, limbs and even landslides closing the country highways and roads.

It's also extremely unpleasant to travel in via foot and bus with a very heavy backpack and a possibly very wet and windy night time hike home if about two miles from the nearest bus stop.

I've done this trip in bad weather before and it can take it from 3.5 hours to 8+ hours, sometimes with multi-hour layovers waiting for detoured buses to arrive.
posted by loquacious at 10:35 AM on November 26 [1 favorite]


tl;dr -- just, fuck.
posted by halation at 11:08 AM on November 26 [3 favorites]


I am so happy to be back home in Canada, but the events of last week make me dread some conversations I am going to have to have. Self-preservation is essential but sometimes really difficult.

In my relative bubble of safety here I wish you all hugs and/or non-touch expressions of care.
posted by wellred at 11:28 AM on November 26 [1 favorite]


Fuck the patriarchy.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 12:14 PM on November 26 [11 favorites]


Sending you all a billion hugs to help cushion the fucking fucks. Also? Fuck holidays. For whatever reason, they get my anxiety going off the charts. Yay, a normal Monday after turkey and football weekend and a bit of a breathing space before the biggest and scariest (for me) of holidays comes up next.
posted by Lynsey at 1:00 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]


I wish I had a thousand fucking fuck cushions to cushion everyone's fucking fucks.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:15 PM on November 26 [4 favorites]


mrbill, I am so sorry that you are sick. Sending hugs to everyone who needs them.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:22 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]


Fuuuuuudge ack.
(Phone autocorrect of Fuuuuuucccckkkk, very Cathy!)
posted by Fig at 6:39 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK FUCKING FUCK MOTHERFUCKINGTY FUCK FUCK! HOW IS THIS BUT OUR GARBAGE PILE SUBHUMAN MONSTER OF A PRESIDENT'S HEART IS STILL CHUGGING ALONG?!?! NOT THAT MIKE PENCE WOULD BE BETTER!! FUCK!!
posted by Caduceus at 7:58 PM on November 26 [5 favorites]


We are all out of spoons at work, but as I am the one with some spoons remaining, it would appear that I am to be the one to address the conditions causing spoon depletion with our boss. But...

I asked a connection I made through a game testing experience to please pass my resume along to THEIR boss, because I need to get on with my life and actually live for once, but...

I haven't heard back. And for the last 24 hours I've had the strangest feelings in my chest and shoulders and a racing pulse. It scares me. It scares me that I am in a job that makes me worried I am having a heart attack at 30 when I could be somewhere else, somewhere healthy and happy.

I want us all to be well.
posted by Hermione Granger at 8:16 PM on November 26 [7 favorites]


I'll tell you what grinds my fucking gears at the moment. This disingenuous bullshit about pepper spray just being something you'd put on your food, no big deal. I mean, and I mean this most seriously, what the actual fuck? It's like the bullshit that anti-vaxxers spout about drinking a big ol' cup of the chemicals that we're all injecting into our babies if it's so safe. Give me a fucking break, you absolute fucking dipshit wankers.

Stupid, stupid. So stupid I can barely spit out my words.

Or even choose the right venue to say them in.
posted by h00py at 6:01 AM on November 27 [5 favorites]


(Ok. Guess this goes here, then. Whatever.)

It’s like a fact-pattern designed in a lab specifically to infuriate as many MeFites as is mathematically possible:

U.S. border Patrol agent sparked $8M Arizona wildfire with gunshot at gender-reveal party (USA Today)
posted by Barack Spinoza at 7:47 AM on November 27 [11 favorites]


This disingenuous bullshit about pepper spray just being something you'd put on your food, no big deal.

Unfortunately, it's nothing new. It's what soured me on Jean Chretien, when he dismissed a bunch of pepper-sprayed protesters with "For me, pepper, I put it on my plate." Har har. Go fuck yourself, old man.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:05 PM on November 27


I still don't know anything official about this situation, but I just heard from my spies in the university executive that since last week, our research group, of whom harasser dude is the PI, is no longer in the list of groups, centres, and disciplines that exist in discussions of our university's future strategies. Usually it is pretty central in these discussions and reports.

Guys, I think we just got canned. I think they decided we were too much trouble. I think that's the outcome. Fucking fuck.
posted by lollusc at 2:06 PM on November 27 [4 favorites]


(I'm not worried about being fired, though, since I think even my institution knows how quickly I would lawyer up, but it means losing a bunch of funding and opportunities, and probably a much heavier teaching load.)
posted by lollusc at 2:09 PM on November 27


Thanksgiving at Mom's was great, but ever since then I've been confined to bed with emergency furloughs to the bathroom. I couldn't go to the doctor if I wanted to. It"s light for fewer than eight hours a day, so I have become unstuck in time. I have really important phone calls and appointments to make; my disability hearing is just over a month away. Blah.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:25 PM on November 27 [4 favorites]


omg help send trees one more bus and a hike left
posted by loquacious at 4:37 PM on November 27


My pain in the ass cat died. She died somewhere between home and the veterinary hospital. She and I had good snuggles that morning. She was alive when I got home from work but then collapsed a quarter hour later. I’ll be burying her in the woods.

I just feel very tired.
posted by sciencegeek at 5:38 PM on November 27 [15 favorites]


Last night after an excruciating therapy appointment I fetched myself a nice falafel wrap from the good salad place near my apartment. On my way out of the building I narrowly avoided my horror show ex boyfriend. I am mostly pissed at the idea that he might have seen my little pathetic tear stained face which was gone minutes later. Grrrrrrrrrrr
posted by wellred at 5:42 AM on November 28 [2 favorites]


So I just posted this (now deleted) comment on the politics thread, which I worked on for a good 10 minutes and feel very strongly about it so I'm reposting it here. I thought it was less venting more CALL TO ACTION but since I'm very passioniate about removing the president by any means, here goes:

I finally looked at the crazy-even-by-his-standards twitter feed of the 45th POTUS...and, dear lord. Multiple retweets of insane alt-right memes, but arguably the worst is a photoshopped image of all his "enemies" in jail. This, in my mind (and in addition to everything else of course) is IMMEDIATE DISQUALIFICATION from office. (Probably the 3rd time I've had this feeling this week, but for whatever reason this just entirely pushed me over the edge.) Just trying to wrap my mind around this, oh my god he needs to be 25th ammended the fuck out of there immediately, no time for impeachment you are DONE. (takes deep breath)

So, I'm done, I'm throwing in the towel. Just going to admit I'm ready for a President Pence. Going to hate that mother fucker and we're gonna have to fight like hell, and will sadly lose some battles. And maybe! he'd get impeached by 2020 if the investigation gets to him (although seems unlikely.) Would have to dig in for a 2 year fight and hope Pence campaiging will hurt his ability to be an effective leader. At the moment, I don't know if he would have better odds than the current president (because the entire fucking election could be invalid.)

We've been flirting with this line of "existential crisis caused by a toddler pissing gasoline over the world and dropping matches" for the entire presidency, hoping for him to finally "act presidential" but of course that's bullshit. He keeps going all in on the assault of EVERYTHING, like the cancer that he is. Before we suffer even worse national tragedies, he needs to go. ASAP. I'm sorry if some are upset with suggesting Pence is the better option; I get it, in some ways he's even more evil and the things he might do are scary. But not as scary as going down the abyss as this gets nastier and more people are threatened (and worse). I'm terrified every day of the blood that will spill if this ain't stopped.

Every insane tweet brings us that much closer to an inevitable disaster which threatens all of us, our families and everything we know. I'm not trying to be hyperbolic, I think we've reached that level. Because no matter what events happen in our future, *45* is going to to react in the worst possible way. And with all the power he has...if he doesn't go soon, I don't think we ever come back from this.

It will suck, but we can fight the predictable enemy we know. The present option however is trying to light the world on fire every day. The adults in the room need to finally start fucking acting like it.
posted by andruwjones26 at 8:12 AM on November 28 [5 favorites]


Sciencegeek very sorry to hear about your cat. Hugging you and hoping you find comfort through all this.
posted by andruwjones26 at 8:14 AM on November 28 [3 favorites]


I will never get over the fact that the POTUS uses twitter to deliver messages to the world. It's just the most ludicrous thing. Fuck, I hope he goes down so badly. What an absolute shit for brains.
posted by h00py at 9:18 AM on November 29 [1 favorite]


Bears repeating, I think.
posted by h00py at 9:19 AM on November 29


I'm applying for new jobs and am now getting intrusive thoughts about feeling guilty on never finishing my Masters. I have graduate classes, taught, and now am over a decade in my field, but I'm afraid of being passed over for jobs and forever saddled with my company (which periodically contemplates bidding on contracts to amoral agencies). I feel really guilty about never finishing, even though I had a non-supportive mentor who may have been slightly abusive...fuck
posted by Hermeowne Grangepurr at 3:17 PM on November 29 [4 favorites]


I'm getting increasingly frustrated at work due to the attitude of some of the management.

"I have solved Pressing Tech Problem X by writing a short Python script. It works beautifully and is ready to go as of now."

"We don't do Python here."

"But it works and is in fact faster than the old solution that, I remind you, will no longer work in less than a month. Say yes and it can be up and functioning within the hour."

"No one else knows Python."

"I know for a fact at least one other person here does. Also, this is entirely free of license and tech support fees. Changes take thirty seconds maximum to push to source control and then pull down to staging and/or live servers."

"We have an official product to do this."

"The official product costs tens of thousands of pounds per license seat per year, is constantly going down because of licensing problems, and is slow and clunky. This is free, is already written, has been running uninterrupted for the last three months, and handles requests in two-tenths of a second. Deploy it."

"We don't do Python here."

Just shoot me in the fucking face already.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 7:44 AM on November 30 [7 favorites]


There is a guy in my program who looks like the guy who assaulted me last spring, and while I have gotten much better (I've advanced from having a panic attack when sitting next to him [not my choice, I got the last seat that day, I know my limits] to being able to make eye contact when he came to my conference presentation and shake his hand and say 'thanks for coming', which is HUGE PERSONAL HEALING, y'all), tonight he said deadass up front in our presentations, and because of the way the room was arranged, I was presenting about 4 feet from him. And I did fine, other than he interrupted my talk with a stupid comment a couple minutes in when we were on a militant time limit. Don't interrupt my train of thought when I'm on a time limit when we have negative rapport (I also just don't like him much, aside from his unfortunate resemblance to a rapist), especially when you didn't do that to anyone else.

I'm going to go home and drown my tension headache in ice cream and a hot shower, since I quit drinking.
posted by joycehealy at 2:55 PM on November 30 [4 favorites]


it is a much much smaller rant than anyone else but I AM REALLY TIRED FOR SOME REASON AND JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED OH GOD
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:36 AM on December 3 [3 favorites]


HOLY SHIT.

In the last 2 months, since October 1st:
*I had to take a medical leave from my job
*my mother-in-law died unexpectedly 2 days into my leave
*I got a lay off notice for 10 days prior to our program committee making a grant scoring decision which I had to contest.
*my bank account was hacked
*my husband is really struggling with the loss of his mother

AND TODAY!!
My husband's company declared bankruptcy and laid him off.

Oh my god. I'm going to need more ativan.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:10 PM on December 3 [7 favorites]


Oh my god. I'm going to need more ativan.

Oh boy is that the theme of my month too. Sorry friend.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 7:55 PM on December 4 [2 favorites]


Damn, Sophie1. Sending hugs and good energy your direction.
posted by Fig at 4:06 AM on December 5 [1 favorite]


Well, fuck. A grad school friend and his wife are spending the year sailing the South Pacific. Their sailboat left New Caledonia about a week ago. Just now the husband texted about a 7.6 earthquake + tsunami warning off the coast of New Caledonia.

Be safe, mefites.
posted by eirias at 7:04 AM on December 5 [1 favorite]


Sophie1, that sucks so hard. Hugs and strength to you both.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 12:52 PM on December 5 [1 favorite]


Sophie1–so sorry you’re going through this. Sending hugs if you want them.
posted by bookmammal at 12:55 PM on December 5 [1 favorite]


“our revolution” keeps sending me spam surveys about “what the revolution should prioritize” but they don’t even list “transfer control over all productive property to armed workers’ councils” as an option what the heck
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:03 AM on December 6 [1 favorite]


Oh man, Sophie1 so sorry to hear it. Hang in there.

It is really depressing here in Stockholm. Today sunrise was at 8:26 am and sunset at 2:49 pm and I just can't even. I had a wonderful time last night seeing Sorry to Bother You with my kid. But immediately before and after I was so down and today I am so down. I know it is seasonal but knowing that does not make it easier. I want it to be easier.

I also want Senator Chuck Schumer gone yesterday from the Senate and I hope like hell he gets pushed out by a lefty and I will happily donate to a strong candidate who wants to replace him but I don't want to derail the mega thread so I am posting that here instead of there.

Anyway fuck cancer, fuck death, fuck bankruptcies, fuck illness, fuck corporations, fuck bad bosses, fuck time, fuck distance, fuck winter, fuck darkness, and fuck Schumer because shitty Democrats, to me, feel worse than shitty Republicans.

I have all kinds of good things in my life, it is just hard to see them right now. Sending hugs to all. MeMail me any time if you just want to vent in more detail. I will not give you any advice; I will write back thusly: "That sounds hard. I hope things get better soon. Sending you lots of hugs."
posted by Bella Donna at 12:37 PM on December 6 [4 favorites]


Fuck it all to hell.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 7:26 PM on December 6 [2 favorites]


I maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay have referred to some of our company's policies yesterday as "a series of paperwork traps that allow the company to delete earned compensation." To the HR lady.

I'm sure that's going to be a thing later.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:37 AM on December 7 [12 favorites]


Dad passed away a few hours ago.

As much pain as he was in, the quickness was a mercy.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 5:07 PM on December 9 [5 favorites]


Pogo, wishing you and your mom peace.
posted by mochapickle at 5:16 PM on December 9


I'm sorry for your loss, Pogo.
posted by slidell at 10:25 PM on December 9


Oh, pfb, I'm so sorry.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:24 AM on December 10


So sorry, Pogo.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:28 AM on December 10


I'm so sorry, Pogo.
posted by daybeforetheday at 11:01 AM on December 10


I did indeed get a talking to Friday about my comments about my job. It was framed as them not having realized I was so unhappy. They wanted to make sure I knew I could come to them and voice my concerns and that they were not out to get me. I felt pretty good coming out of that meeting.

And then today, I got an email with a write up about my ongoing attitude problem. With the note that further disciplinary action may be needed if I don't improve.

I really need a new job.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 2:27 PM on December 10 [3 favorites]


Double fucking standards can go fucking die in a fire. Yesterday, if not sooner. Thanks.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 5:51 PM on December 10 [2 favorites]


I’m so sorry, Pogo. Pancreatic cancer is a special evil. Wishing you peace.
posted by eirias at 12:27 PM on December 11


Today I discovered my sailing friends did not get eaten by a tsunami, and made it to NZ. Unfuck?
posted by eirias at 12:28 PM on December 11 [1 favorite]


Counterfuck?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:51 PM on December 11 [1 favorite]


This morning, I was listening to Angaleena Presley and she sang this, which impoved my entire day:
You can't fix the world, girl, it's so badly bent
But you can help it along if you save your own skin
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:41 PM on December 11 [1 favorite]


I got fucking fired yesterday.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:16 AM on December 12 [7 favorites]


Tore down two white supremacist flyers on my corner this morning, saw remnants of two others. This means there are white supremacists running around happily in my neighborhood. Fuccccccccck.
posted by ChuraChura at 6:02 AM on December 12 [2 favorites]


Everyone else seems remarkably blase about it, so maybe I'm overreacting.
posted by ChuraChura at 6:04 AM on December 12 [1 favorite]


Update: heading to the police district to file a report, under the advisement of the civil rights officer.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:04 AM on December 12 [8 favorites]


Shit, fh, that sucks. Sending you positive mind atoms.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:46 AM on December 12


fluttering hellfire—so, so sorry. Sending a hug your way if you want it.
posted by bookmammal at 8:12 AM on December 12


Update again: they told me not to file a police report. I called back later and spoke with the detective who told me I could file a police report, but nothing was actionable about it because the posters weren't threatening. I tried to explain that the organization who posted them - Patriot Front (SPLC) was inherently threatening, but they didn't go for it. A bunch of Boston news folks got in touch with me, but as far as I know nobody did anything with it. So, everything is fine.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:51 AM on December 13 [4 favorites]


My anxiety levels are going through the roof because of the headlines lately (I've been a bit punchy in the USPolitics megathread today). And I'm only halfway through the forced march through the holiday season. Fuck.
posted by Doktor Zed at 6:01 PM on December 13 [3 favorites]


Hey-o! Our grant score, despite addressing all of the reviewers notes, was somehow lower than it was last time and it looks like I'm out of a job! Gratefully, my uni has great human resources programs for laid off employees, so I'm off to find my first job in more than 20 years!
posted by Sophie1 at 8:33 AM on December 14 [3 favorites]


Holy crap, Sophie1, you too? This is a rough month.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:09 AM on December 14 [1 favorite]


It's not worth spewing all out, but today is testing my sobriety. I'm going to drink my hot chocolate and listen to Christmas music and try to cultivate some Christmas spirit, by jove.

(hugs to everyone who does hugs, warm thoughts to thems who don't.)
posted by joycehealy at 11:26 AM on December 14 [6 favorites]


Hey joycehealy. Feel free to memail me if you need someone. I'm going to make some hot cocoa in solidarity.
posted by Sophie1 at 12:10 PM on December 14 [1 favorite]


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