Tell Me Something Good.... January 4, 2019 1:33 PM   Subscribe

I've had kind of a hard week, and, this weekend, I'd like to hear some stories of positive MetaFilter interactions. So please, speak to me of kindnesses and humor from other MeFites, onsite and off. Comments that buoyed your spirits, interactions that made the murky clear, friendships made and expanded. I could use a little schmoopy right now.
posted by GenjiandProust to MetaFilter-Related at 1:33 PM (85 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite

I love you.
posted by Fizz at 1:34 PM on January 4 [16 favorites]


I love you, too! And I'll credit a couple of MeMail exchanges with you for helping me get to the end of kind of a trying week, so thanks!
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:38 PM on January 4 [7 favorites]


I have TWO new penpals thanks to MeTalk in the past couple of weeks! People who sent very kind, caring messages when I was having a really bad time.
posted by mrbill at 1:40 PM on January 4 [13 favorites]


A general announcement and thanks and apology to a handful of Mefites:

Um, if you're someone who's reached out to me in MeMail over the years to say nice/happy/etc. things to me, you probably noticed that maybe I didn't respond. This is entirely due to my being really, really crap at accepting compliments, which is a character trait I'm working on.

I did read what you said and I am grateful, to those of you who've said nice things, I was just also really flustered and socially awkward about that kind of thing, for which I apologize. But I am also grateful.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:42 PM on January 4 [12 favorites]


When I moved out of the homeless shelter, the state gave me a voucher to buy furniture from a pre-approved list of places. When all was said and done, it was enough for one bed and mattress. I could give my son a bed and sleep on the floor or I could take the bed and he'd sleep on the floor.

Eventually we found a place selling a day bed with a detachable pop up trundle. And after much guilting, got the guy to throw in the display mattress - a thin mostly foam thing. When we got home we realized the bed was so poorly made you had to be careful to barely move or it would collapse. So I gave the pop up and good mattress to my son that can't be still or careful to save his life and took the flimsy bed and shitty mattress.

I was never flush enough to replace our beds. I live pay check to paycheck and rely on go fund me way too much to keep from sliding back into homelessness. My son's bed was so uncomfortable he sometimes slept on the couch which was stressful for both of us because he's a wanderer on the spectrum and I have windchimes hooked to my doors because he'll get up in the middle of the night and leave the apartment from the door next to the couch.

Well for his birthday last July a Metafilter member asked what off my son's wish list he really needed. Really needed to have a better life.

Not only did this member get him the bed I had sitting on the wishlist, they bought a new mattress. I tossed the bad mattress and moved the better old one to my bed and my son moved to the new stuff and stopped sleeping on the couch. He also has been sleeping through the night some nights now.

So not only did this member erase a sign of poverty from my son's life, they improved both of our health.

And that was one good deed among many this one user who wishes to remain nameless did for me and my kid.

It's why no matter how fighty we get here, I know we're a strong community.

And I hope Matt knows all the good he helped create by building this place.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 1:52 PM on January 4 [141 favorites]


If MetaFilter and its members didn't exist, I would have gone through with taking my life in 2012 or so. Certain FPPs and Asks introduced me to things that made avoiding suicide possible. The site has helped me be brave, and its members more thoughtful. I am very grateful.
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:19 PM on January 4 [80 favorites]


I once had a blog on Salon when blogs were still rare-ish, and made a bunch of Salon blogger pals. And then years passed. And I was a quiet MeFite for many of those years. And then one day some weeks ago I read an old, old thread about something my ex and I did (a thread neither of us created) and found one of those old friends right here. And now we are emailing animal pics back and forth and it is a treat and a joy.
posted by wellred at 2:30 PM on January 4 [12 favorites]


I think I just coughed up a schmoopy. Wait, am I using that word right?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:32 PM on January 4 [14 favorites]


I love Fizz and get to see him and squeeze him really soon. How's that for schmoop? So yeah, I'm pretty motherflipping excited about that.

I hope your week turns around soon, Genji! Sending hugs and happy vibes your way.
posted by nightrecordings at 2:33 PM on January 4 [7 favorites]


My puzzle team (you can find us dominating the Chicago stats month after month, we're Chris Pratt's Raptor Army) consists solely of mefites. Iridic, anem0ne, jessypie, MCMikeNamara, theodolite, and I have been together a long time. jessypie even gets us fancy team pencils every December. They're some of my very favorite people and I'm glad we've found this thing we all like that we're all good at together, because even if nothing else it means that at least once a month I'll actually leave my house and talk to people who aren't my dog which is really super rare these days.
posted by phunniemee at 2:46 PM on January 4 [16 favorites]


I was honored to get one of those pencils by dint of being in Chicago at the right time this December. It really is a very nice pencil.
posted by ocherdraco at 2:53 PM on January 4 [7 favorites]


That's another very nice thing! Visiting mefites like the wonderful ocherdraco can sub in when we're a player down! (anem0ne was in DC (also participating in Puzzled Pint) for work last month!)
posted by phunniemee at 3:00 PM on January 4 [6 favorites]


Metafilter exposed me to the wonder that is Röyksopp. For this I will be eternally grateful.
posted by 4ster at 3:15 PM on January 4 [8 favorites]


I have participated in Quonsmas for three years now and every single year I have loved the experience even if I have not always loved the gifts (which I have loved for the most part.) It gives me warm holiday fuzzies, and I get to buy cool people presents which is my favorite thing (whereas receiving gifts is kind of eh.) It is easily my favorite Metafilter tradition and I give props to the organizers who dump their sweat equity into making sure it happens every year.
posted by zeusianfog at 3:17 PM on January 4 [10 favorites]


Oh my goodness I love all of you so much. I will be back later to give details of nice things Mefites have done for me lately, because I'm in public (I'm taking myself out for a steak dinner just because), and will start crying. But, I heartily support and appreciate this thread and all of you very much.
posted by Fig at 3:26 PM on January 4 [25 favorites]


Sorry about your hard week, GenjiandProust! This is a good topic. While I am no longer close to the MeFite who introduced me to this site, he is a good soul who saved my bacon IRL on more than one occasion when we were closer. He also gets mega brownie points for introducing me to the term schmoopy even before he introduced me to MF, so those were both good deeds.

More recently, I had someone sent me a thank you for a response to an AskMe. It wasn't the OP but a reader who found my advice helpful to them. I was floored, in a good way, by the note. This past week someone in the political thread also sent a nice note in response to my taking a break there. It was so kind! I never expect direct messages, but am so happy when they show up.

Gman, whom I never met in real life and not even here on MetaFilter until shortly before his death, made sure his wife sent me a tee of his that I admired. Talk about going above and beyond. Also, I had a goal buddy on MF for nearly a year (?) who helped me stay on track, which was awesome.

Let us not forget my personal holiday miracle: I was invited to dinner by an American MeFite. That sounds trivial. It is not. I met him at a November meet up here in Stockholm. Then I organized a movie gathering in late December. He brought his wife and daughter to the movie and invited me to go home with them after for dinner.

Now, getting invited to dinner may not be a big deal in many places. But it is a big deal in Sweden, which is famously frosty toward strangers and has been voted the least-friendly place for expats, no kidding. It was a wonderful gesture by a wonderful person who I know only because of two meet ups. His family is terrific as well. Even if I never see them again (although I certainly hope to) the time spent in their company was delightful.

Dearest Fig (may I?), you deserve your steak dinner and so much more. I hope you enjoy it!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:29 PM on January 4 [9 favorites]


1. A while back, I asked on AskMe about trying to track down a certain opera about a book that my mother-in-law particularly loved. A Mefite I did not know then took the time to burn, like, no joke, a DOZEN DVD's for me, so that my mother in law could have both the video and the music part thingy can you tell I don't pay attention to opera.

I still regularly think about what a kind, good, generous act that was.

2. A little bit ago, I mentioned on Metafilter that my husband had cancer while I was pregnant, and did it in a way where it was not clear that it was in the past, and that I'd given birth and my husband had gotten a clean bill of health. And very quickly, one of my VERY FAVORITE PERSONS on Metafilter, somebody who I genuinely admired from afar even before this, immediately reached out and was like WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP. I was really touched.

3. I responded to a MeFi IRL request somebody to join a local tabletop roleplaying game. I was tied up, but I suggested it my husband, who was into tabletop roleplaying and did have time (and is not on Metafilter, as far as I know). He was like, "Ehhhhhh, idk, you know how I feel about meeting new people" and then I basically had to nail a series of nagging checks to get my husband to actually go to one (1) session of the tabletop game that was, like, a fifteen minute subway ride away.

It's been a couple years now, and my husband and that Mefite were recently planning a weekend away together, alone, in Miami to watch a beloved football team play. Said Mefite's wife and I are really good friends and like, I can count actual IRL good friends of mine that I've made in adulthood on one hand? This Mefite and his wife are two of them.
posted by joyceanmachine at 3:29 PM on January 4 [24 favorites]


I never fail to derive great joy from both sending and receiving cards from the card club, and the unexpected gift from elsietheeel last month was wonderful! If you want to connect to your fellow mefites pls consider joining the card club- it’s been wonderful for my overall blood pressure.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:56 PM on January 4 [8 favorites]



I think I just coughed up a schmoopy...was it still moving?
posted by Oyéah at 4:07 PM on January 4 [4 favorites]


A few years ago I moved to a new city in a new state where I knew absolutely nobody. The wonderful people I met at local Metafilter meetups became the best social circle I've ever had in my entire adult life, no exaggeration.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:30 PM on January 4 [6 favorites]


I got a couple thoughtful memails this week and one of my mefite D&D players blew up a church
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:47 PM on January 4 [10 favorites]


in the game, I hasten to add
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:47 PM on January 4 [35 favorites]


I think I just coughed up a schmoopy. Wait, am I using that word right?

Do not let IRFH's snarky exterior fool you. He's one of the really good ones.
posted by loquacious at 6:24 PM on January 4 [2 favorites]


I’ve made some music on this site with some really talented people (who do all the hard work part of it, might I add) and one of those lovely people is rangefinder 1.4 who sent me the nicest message this week. We’re hopefully going to work on a wee project together and that’s a really nice thing to look forward to in a month where my bank account is dealing with the post-Christmas apocalypse which renders me stuck in a job I hate. But also there are too many other happy interactions over the years to list, so I’ll just say in general I love you all. Especially you.
posted by billiebee at 6:25 PM on January 4 [3 favorites]


Ok! Back home, with only a small herd of small animals to judge me tapping at a phone while weepy.

Every month for the last year, without fail, members of the Card Club express appreciation of my efforts via the comments section of the monthly opt-in form, or by posting Metatalk posts/comments. I don't reply, but I see them and appreciation is really nice. And! I am so heartwarmed to see the joy we all share with each other by simple handwritten notes. On top of that, not a single person has complained about Card Club. There's no way it's perfect (I'm good, I'm not that good) but everyone is super chill, and it's a great group. (Shill: please join us! Sign ups always open).

I threw myself in as a recipient, asking for encouragement in a difficult time and got many, many lovely heartfelt cards, some with small gifts like artwork, bookmarks, and stickers included. I also got a second Quonsmas and a batch of homemade cookies, which is way above and beyond.

Recently I've shared some big personal struggles. Just having Metatalk be a place to do that (repeatedly) without fear of people getting fed up or angry is a wonderful thing. On top of that, so, so many people have sent me good thoughts in comments and memails. Some even giving me their personal contact info and letting me know it's ok to give them a call or text at any time just to vent. I haven't taken anyone up on that yet, but just the openness and sharing is so touching. There's a handful of people who have turned into memail penpals, sharing their struggles and listening to mine.

Just this week, as a "here's something that will help you feel better", I got a pair of handknit socks, some small snack cakes, and asst paper goods from a wonderful Mefite.

(Literally as I'm typing this, I got a card club memail thanking me for running it, and sending me well wishes! 😭)

I was telling my therapist about these things, and how overwhelming the love is sometimes (still working on feeling my feelings; thawing out the ice princess if you will), and she's like "wow, that's some real Chicken Soup for the Soul stuff there.". This place and community is a real treasure. Love love love.
posted by Fig at 6:34 PM on January 4 [33 favorites]


It’s weird that D&D has come up in several reminiscences above: at a meetup maybe five years ago a Mefite whom I did not know at all but who was sitting near me at the table mentioned she’d always wanted to play D&D but had never had the chance to. I ahemed and mentioned that someone else at the table had been talking about such things; one thing led to another and soon I found myself running an RPG for a half-dozen Mefites. Yay!

I have met more awesome people than I can easily recall over the course of a couple dozen meetups (including GenjiandProust himself in Boston some years back, but we were at opposite ends of a long table — your contributions here have often made me wish I had spent more chatting down at that end).

This is one of maybe three sites that I look at every day I am online. Matt changed the world for the better when he started up this thing tweet years ago.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:44 PM on January 4 [7 favorites]


Thank you for this thread.

A few days ago I mentioned in a comment that I'd been having some foot pain, and a very nice Mefite MeMailed me to offer some advice. I won't out them here, since it was a private MeMail, and I think my reply might have been rushed, but it was just nice that a total stranger, literally someone I've never before interacted with, took the time to reach out to me.

I really love the interactions I have with Mefites on social media. Mostly Twitter. Every day I share jokes, gripes, friendly advice, and just plane FUN with these people. Most of them are people I've never met, but I consider them all to be friends.

Over the summer I tweeted that my wife and I were walking past a garage sale and there was a Spirograph for $5.00 and I almost bought it but I didn't for some reason. Both my brothers had Spirographs when I was a kid and I never had one and it's one of those things I was always bitter about. I always wanted a Spirograph. I pretty much forgot about it until a couple of weeks ago for the annual Bondcliff / not_on_display / maryr / another-friend-who-isn't-a-MeFite birthday club dinner, Jessamyn and her sister gave me a goddamn Spirograph! It was pretty much the greatest gift I've received in a long time.

A while back I posted in a MeTa thread about how tough it was finding friends as an adult. A MeFite Memailed me to basically say "let's be friends." We've had a nice back-and-forth via MeMail since. That reminds me, I owe them a reply.

Every day I have some interaction here or elsewhere with a Mefite. It's why I keep coming back, it's why I don't think I'll ever button. We are a family, a sometimes dysfunctional one, but one I love. I love the users, I love the mods, I love the never-changing site design, I love the meetups. I love that they've accepted me here. I've always felt so out of place in so many groups, but I feel like my people are here.
posted by bondcliff at 6:56 PM on January 4 [16 favorites]


I'd been having one of those "I do all the things for people and no one does the things for me!" feelings. I know, logically, this is not true, but sometimes I just feel that way. It happens. I let the feeling pass. Before the holidays I had really pushed myself and sent out some letters to be delivered to my sister and partner and cortex and, I think, my cousin, via dogsled. And then I went away for what was a better-than-expected holidaytime. And came home. And needlegrrl had send a holiday card, via sled dog, to me! A little thing, but such a big deal for such a weird lateral reason. I was so touched to be thought of in just the perfect way (on preview, hi bondcliff, that is the best dollar I ever spent!)
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:58 PM on January 4 [15 favorites]


hi bondcliff, that is the best dollar I ever spent!

And it was one of the most priceless gifts ever.
posted by bondcliff at 7:02 PM on January 4 [3 favorites]


I can pass for an extrovert in a pinch, but the reality is, I'm a shy, private person who also has been both sick and really busy with work and family in recent years. I haven't ever been to a meetup, don't often use MeMail, and I'm at best intermittently active on the site. It's a shame, since I really have enjoyed my few interactions with MeFites. To my knowledge, I've met exactly one MeFite in real life. She is a former coworker and one of the nicest and smartest people I've ever had the pleasure to know. When I was traveling to her hometown, I asked her for advice and got an unbelievably detailed list of suggested restaurants, museums, bars, shops, and other activities and destinations. It was a fabulous trip and I give her all the credit for making it so.

My father-in-law is somewhat famous in his field. A MeFite answered an AskMe question, we MeMailed, and I learned he knew of my father-in-law. It was very unexpected, a little surreal, and very cool.

Quonsmas 2015 was memorable as well. Thanks to julen's hard work in organizing that event, I had the opportunity to receive a gift from, and send a gift to, two MeFites I'd long admired. They were each so gracious and thoughtful and it was a neat experience.
posted by cheapskatebay at 7:11 PM on January 4 [4 favorites]


I got a super-encouraging MeMail from dancestoblue a few days ago, which felt fantastic because that's a username that I feel appears above comments that are much better than mine. Thanks, d2b, I will start tomorrow!!!
posted by wenestvedt at 8:03 PM on January 4 [5 favorites]


I got a couple thoughtful memails this week and one of my mefite D&D players blew up a church

*raises hand* I think that's me.

I was coming in to say that being on MeFi has allowed me a chance to play some D&D virtually, with some truly amazing DMs from the site, which in turn has inspired me to get a game going with an inperson group locally; no Mefites at the table at this time, but you never know. It's been great reconnecting with a hobby I hadn't played in a couple of decades.
posted by nubs at 8:13 PM on January 4 [6 favorites]


I recently updated the We're All Mad Here page at the MeFi Wiki - it was created to celebrate 'I may be a freak but I am not alone' moments on AskMe, and it was fun to work on because many of the posts listed are really nice examples of how genuinely caring and compassionate MeFites can be.
posted by Little Dawn at 8:19 PM on January 4 [3 favorites]


HotToddy's comment reminding me of something I'd forgotten long ago had me in happy tears after weeks of holiday and job stress tears. What's more, flex was kind enough to flag me to it, because flex is the kind of person who keeps feelers out for how I'm doing. I'm so grateful to both of them for reminding me of what it takes to be the person I want to be in this world. MetaFilter has the most amazing ripple effect.

I am giving your tough week the finger, and am sending some schmoopy your way.
posted by peagood at 8:31 PM on January 4 [4 favorites]


Before the 2016 election, I connected with a local mefite so I could rant with full throttle apoplexy about how national politics and local politics were crashing into each other here in notoriously conservative Colorado Springs. They have been selfless in sharing their good company and clever wit and boundless understanding while I've been dealing with chronic illness, and by doing so, my whole town feels friendlier and sunnier and more progressive because they're here.

My secret quonsar from several years ago became a pen pal, then a chat buddy, and is now one of my dearest friends and a daily confidante. They're patient and kind and breathtakingly insightful and they always assume the best of me, and someday I hope to be as good a person as they believe me to be. Also, they send me the BEST jokes!

An especially thoughtful mefite reached out to me during last year's valentine exchange and became an instant friend to me -- the other week, they sent me a holiday card that included so much warmth and kindness that I instantly burst into tears, one of the nicest letters I've ever received, and it's so lovely to see on the site and in social media how this person goes out of their way to support and encourage others, and it reminds me to do the same.

All of the exchanges like julen's/arcticseal's/phunniemee's annual SQ and needlegrrl's winter holiday card exchange and Fig's card club have been such a tremendous and continuing source of joy for me. I don't often have the spoons to go out and be social in person, but these exchanges always help me feel connected to so many wonderful people. Hosting last year's valentine exchange was pure lovefest -- everyone was so supportive and game for it, and I am so excited about doing it again. (I'll be posting a MeTa announcement within the next week or two!)

In short, I love you all.
posted by mochapickle at 8:39 PM on January 4 [15 favorites]


mochapickle, your username sends me into peals of laughter every time I see you post, thanks to this delightful duo of comments from the “how should we pronounce your username” MeTa.

So thank you and ramix for that. (And that’s a lovely MeTa to check out if you want to immerse yourself in another non-fighty one for a while.)

I love this place.
posted by greermahoney at 9:24 PM on January 4 [8 favorites]


There's these goats, they're called the Belmont Goats because their original home in Portland was a vacant lot on SE Belmont, and they've moved a couple times since then. From Belmont they went to a residential lot somewhere else in Southeast, and very recently they've moved to about a half mile from my house.

They were at the original Belmont lot when I went to XOXO for the first time, and it was this weird magical extra bit of something on what was already a pretty tremendous emotional experience for me. I think of the goats, I think of XOXO, and vice versa.

So, these goats are very good and Secretariat and I are pretty thrilled. They're literally just right on one of the main paths we walk on every day. There's fourteen of them, and also their pet chicken, Juniper. And now they're right in the neighborhood and we can just walk over and be like, hey goats. Hey. How's it goating. Tell 'em secrets about the internet, listen to neighbor kids try to make goat and chicken noises.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:29 PM on January 4 [22 favorites]


Incidentally, "The Belmont Goats" is the name of my new Americana band.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:06 PM on January 4 [4 favorites]


When I posted an AskMe after I found out I was losing my job, several of my fellow Card Club members reached out via MeMail to check in with me and make sure I was OK. I can’t even express how much that meant to me. The thought that people who I had never met in “real life” would take the time to reach out like that... it made such a difference and I’m still grateful.
This place is full of good, good folks!
posted by bookmammal at 10:29 PM on January 4 [7 favorites]


Hi. It's me, a lurker from roughly 2002-2007, and then an actual gosh darn member starting in 2007. I was never too active - I made a few posts, commented a bit, but overall read everything devotedly until I sort of fell away from the site in 2014ish.

But I'm back, MetaFilter, and it's the same sort of jovial, intelligent, interesting place that I remember from years ago. I opened a new account to get a fresh start, and it's been a treat to rediscover this site. Even though you don't know me, I missed y'all. It's a joy to see this community still thriving.
posted by grette at 12:10 AM on January 5 [17 favorites]


Gotanda sent me a New Years card, which was really nice, with a supportive message on it. New Years cards here are kind of a thing, you send them to family and coworkers and friends, but you (at least in my experience) tend to send them to the same people every year, and you don’t tend to get a lot of new people on your list, and for the most part, I don’t send many any more, and I don’t get many in return, so the card from Gotanda was a pleasant surprise, as was Mrs. Ghidorah being confused and telling me there was a New Years card addressed to Ghidorah-san.

Thanks, Gotanda, you’re super awesome.

edited to add, I’ve been memailed by a couple of members who just wanted to write and let me know I wasn’t alone, or to check in and see how I’m doing. I have always been blown away by that, and it has helped me more than I can say. Joining this place has continued to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and the people here are the reason why.
posted by Ghidorah at 12:30 AM on January 5 [6 favorites]


Where to start? I’ll stick to this week. umbú reached out to me via Memail & asked if I had the transcription of the string arrangements to XTC’s 1000 umbrellas, which I did not, but it gave me a reason to get back in touch with the multi-instrumentalist/savant form my old band who had charted it & lo, he still had them! I need to get up off my ass here & get those emailed this am (we had a day-Long internet outrage here at the ranch). Was glad to talk to Monte, & am looking forward to hearing what umbú does with this on the piano. Plus, now I have this important document!

Also all the support I’ve gotten from various mefites, there’s several of you, for my more recent music project Carbon 7 has given me a lot of impetus to carry on with it.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:17 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]


A link to an old post of mine regarding some of the NYC MeFi crew - and I had dinner with three NYC MeFites just last night! And will hang out with another one in a couple weeks! So those friendships stuck. My life would be considerably different and less rich without people from this site.
posted by unannihilated at 7:18 AM on January 5 [6 favorites]


And oh! Here's a link to a comment I made about meeting rtha, a warm and positive experience that I still remember years later.
posted by unannihilated at 7:21 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]


Also, when I first skimmed this thread, I thought dogsled was some kind of online card delivery service, but I just now clicked on the link and learned IT'S AN ACTUAL DOGSLED, so I just learned an adorable thing that made me smile today and may make others smile in the future, if they offer it next holidays!
posted by unannihilated at 7:34 AM on January 5 [5 favorites]


HOW COULD I FORGET FLAVORTOWN! Flavortown literally changed my life.
posted by unannihilated at 7:51 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]


I have had so many wonderful interactions with MeFites and I want to share but I just woke up and the first thing I saw was Brandon Blatcher's AWESOMEST BABY EVER. That adorable face and giant smile made me :D as well and it was exactly what I needed this morning.

A++++++++++ would :D again!
posted by elsietheeel at 8:12 AM on January 5 [11 favorites]


Among many other gifts the site has given me over the years:

I made my best friend as a grown-up through mefi basically, albeit indirectly.

I tend to find special occasions a bit fraught so I like knowing I have some ready made birthday company every year. (Thank you, oh yeah!)

mochapickle, you were the best quonsar and I think fondly of you a lot!
posted by ferret branca at 9:49 AM on January 5 [9 favorites]


Well Metafilter has given me: the courage to tell my therapist about sexual assault and child abuse, the courage to keep going through the worst of it, introduced to me the idea of gender neutrality which set off a huge awakening and led to transitioning to non-binary, spawned a spark of feminism in me that I thought was long gone, and the words to start drawing boundaries respectfully in my life.

On the material help a really kind larthegreat reached out after I posted about my meth/crack using upstairs neighbour and probably saved my life as they sent me ear plugs and a white noise machine (plus copious amounts of treats for my dog) and I was able to pull back from the edge of constant PTSD triggering and utter sleep deprivation. And I wouldn't have been able to accept that offer (others have offered over the years and I rejected them all - except for the mefite who sent me money for a binder!!) if I wasn't already in the monthly Card Club.

I don't really have any irl friends anymore and chronic illnesses keep me mostly in the house to the point I don't have my puppo much anymore and Fig starting the card club has been a great .. I guess blessing... to me as it was a way to try to connect to people without being overwhelmed. At first I felt awkward and still sometimes do as I don't have much of a life and feel intimated by most of you with your education and partners, and kids and jobs but I dared myself to just start doing it and figured the worst that could happen was Fig kicking me out and that I like getting real mail so others might. Card club and mefite puppos and cats instagram led me to trying to connect with other members on instagram and that led to being a penpal with danabanana and now I feel like maybe I'm not so alone in the world and its just lovely to see everyone else enjoy it (if anyone is up for a pen pal hit me up!)

If you are nervous about card club btw we found on instagram that at least me and one other had this whole thing in our head where we assumed the other person would hate us, or be mad that it was late... none of that is true. Fig you are awesome.
posted by kanata at 9:55 AM on January 5 [24 favorites]


Maybe one of these days I'll post a MeTa just thanking the community for it (I have the vague intention to wait till I hit a large round number) but people's responses to my book rec request threads have filled my shelves with books and my life is a happier more book-filled place and I am very grateful (and intend to continue asking for recommendations going forward, given what at this point feels like a really solid track record of good taste and helpful recs)
posted by Cozybee at 10:04 AM on January 5 [5 favorites]


Today's armor (will explain later sometime), a T-shirt, was sent my way by a MeFite. And I bought the Adidas shoes I'm wearing today with another MeFite, in New York, and probably wore them to at least one meetup at some point or another when I was there. And I know at least one MeFite and probably others have told me they were delighted by the star pants I'm wearing today, which I bought before I went to New York. And every day I talk to a couple MeFites or people I've met via other MeFites.

I'm thinking a lot about you all today. Much love!
posted by limeonaire at 10:37 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]


Meet ups seem like so much fun. I don't travel alone well though, so the thought alone of taking the train into NYC and then walking around finding some place makes me nervous. And I'm bad at planning stuff. But if there's a meet up in NJ on a weekend I'm free, I'd probably show up.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 11:39 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]


I am new to MeFi, and I wanted to thank everyone who was very kind and encouraging on my first post. Especially the people who MeMailed me privately about their own experiences. It helped me, helped out my son, so, so much, and I appreciated it.

I also wanted to shout out to suedehead who helped me out with some wording and encouragement on another matter.
posted by alathia at 1:23 PM on January 5 [8 favorites]


In the run-up to finishing my PhD, pretty much everything was terrible, as far as I could see. The DC mefites - whom, I should note, I have met in person only twice - put together a package of stickers, stuff monkeys, tea, bath things, drawings by toddlers, notes of encouragement, and sent it to me. It was such a lovely, kind, humane thing to do. Similarly, right before I defended my dissertation, Eyebrows McGee and the McGeettes sent me a stuffed monkey and words of good luck. Smorgasbord spent a day driving me around western Virginia and came out to visit me in Ohio!

Shortly after I moved to Boston, I called a meetup at a really awesome dim sum place and this ENORMOUS CROWD of AMAZING PEOPLE showed up from all over Massachusetts - and Rhode Island (!!!!!!) - to eat dumplings and scallion pancakes and say hello. People were so kind and excited and I got to put so many faces to names and it remains one of the highlights of my time here. When I get discouraged, or grumpy, or frustrated, it is really, really nice to know that this is a community and there are people here who like me and care about me and will take time out of their day to come hang out with me or do something to make my life tangibly better.
posted by ChuraChura at 1:47 PM on January 5 [21 favorites]


Hopefully this isn't too much of a humble brag but I'll share it anyways. It's no surprise that I'm super into video-games, it's my bread & butter on this site. As a result of the high volume of video-game related posts I've made, I will often get people MeMailing me about things they want me to consider posting (which I always appreciate), and/or they'll just ask me for recommendations on games.

I'm always happy responding to these types of messages, it makes me smile to know I can help someone else get into the good parts of gaming culture (lord knows it's filled with all kinds of toxicity), so any chance I get to inject some goodness into gaming and how people engage with that, I'm happy.

I've met my partner through this type of interaction, all because I was contacted through a MeMail and asked for some video-game recommendations. I love that I also get to share something I'm truly passionate about with all of you. Hopefully it's not too tiresome or dull, but I'm glad that this place exists and that I can connect with all of you. Cheers.
posted by Fizz at 2:48 PM on January 5 [19 favorites]


Fizz, your site contributions are the opposite of tiresome and dull.
posted by greermahoney at 3:16 PM on January 5 [10 favorites]


Something good?

My little family spent Christmas in New York City. It was a gift for all of us and a surprise for boy theBRKP, who always wanted to visit NYC. It was crazy and exhausting and stressful and overwhelming and WONDERFUL.

Everywhere I went, I saw were families from all over the globe full of joy, having a great time. Whispering in awe in St. Patrick's Cathedral*. Couples taking selfies in front of the numerous Christmas trees, kids going crazy over the giant snake in the LEGO store, families climbing rocks and playing on playgrounds in Central Park. I saw a lot of laughter. I saw people enjoying being together.

On Christmas Day we took the Staten Island Ferry so we could see the Statue of Liberty. On the ride back, a resident had profanity-laced, xenophobic tirade because the ferry was late, thus making him late for his holiday celebrations. He was very loud and very much spoiling for a fight with anyone who would oblige.

No one obliged. Instead people ignored him and carried on having a good time. And that was good. I needed to have some rose colored glasses for a week. It was lovely. And thanks to NYC residents for putting up with that kind of madness. Yinz are awesome.

* My mom was an Irish girl from New Jersey who briefly dated the son of a mobster. Her explanation was that said son had a bitchin' car, so I make a point of lighting a candle at St. Patrick's for her whenever I am in NYC.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:43 PM on January 5 [5 favorites]


I have secret quonsar to thank for connecting me with one of the most special people in my life. She kinda said it all upthread already, but out of that first sq I have a great correspondent who has become a great friend. We text nearly daily and we talk on the phone every couple weeks or so, sometimes for hours like I did when I was in my twenties.

Just the other day I was lamenting the disappearance of many of my friends from my life, and how hard it is to make new friends. It's hard, but it's not impossible. Metafilter helps that happen.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:31 PM on January 5 [6 favorites]


Oh my so many! Not just from Mefi, but also metachat & monkeyfilter.

People I still chat to daily! Friends that I’ve travelled to stay with in other countries and vice versa! So many laughs and joy!

But we’ve never managed to solve the rhinoceros bladder question....
posted by gomichild at 10:37 PM on January 5 [3 favorites]


Fizz, I am not into games at all and I really enjoy your posts. Sometimes I read all the links, sometimes I decide I don't care and just enjoy the discussion in comments because it makes me happy to see people discussing something they care about. Sometimes they make me wonder if maybe I should try to give video games another go, but it's never stuck.
posted by hoyland at 10:38 PM on January 5 [11 favorites]


There are a few songs that I have returned to again and again in my adult life, because I just haven't been able to learn them by ear and there isn't publically available sheet music for them. 1000 Umbrellas by XTC is one of those songs.

Fellow Mefi Music person Devils Rancher used to play in a very high quality XTC cover band, and I saw a video of them playing a spot-on version of the song on youtube. I asked him last week if he had transcribed it, and he had his bandmember who did scan them and send them my way. He didn't have to do that.

Now that I see the music, it's harder than imagined. Hopefully I'll be able to figure it out!

Mefi Music feels pretty sleepy these days, but connections are still being made...
posted by umbú at 11:58 AM on January 6 [4 favorites]


Just wanted to give a shout out to LiteraryHero for organising regular events on the MeFi Strava group and for creating excellent certificates for all participants.
posted by crocomancer at 12:55 PM on January 6 [3 favorites]


I have been a member since 2006 (had to check and wow!) and really a daily reader for all 13 years. I should be better at participating but try not to give an answer or comment unless I am contributing, but I really read every AskMe and most posts on the blue.

My weekly team meeting at work starts with everyone talking about a topic or article they are interested in (could be anything) and almost every one of mine for over a year has come from here.

I feel like I have been so much better at seeing relationship issues from everyone's perspective and trying to be empathetic that I ever could have without this place. Ask/Guess seriously changed my life.

I can't think of anything else I have done on a daily basis for 13 years. The politics threads keep me sane. I have been working up the nerve to go to an IRL meetup but I'm shy. I'm in NYC so there are pretty frequent opportunities and eventually I will get there. I need to be more friendly!
posted by elvissa at 2:34 PM on January 6 [11 favorites]


Now that I see the music, it's harder than imagined. Hopefully I'll be able to figure it out!

I actually emailed Dave Gregory about the score on that song - don’t ask me wher I got his email address? Maybe a Swindon-based Chalkhills member? & he actually took the time to write back. Basically, yes he had it, but unfortunately couldn’t distribute it due to rights ownership issues, which sucked. He asked if we intended to do Sacrificial Bonfire, noting that Todd Rudgren scored the strings on that.

One of the things I was working towards when the wheels came off that band was a front-to-back Skylarking performance with a string section, & everything. I had a string quartet on board with the idea, a flute player for Man Who Sold His Soul, & just needed a sax player or two I think, but we never got rehearsals off the ground. I regret that.

And yeah, that arrangement is crazy-complex. I was shocked & delighted that Monte had the wherewithal to produce that. We only played 6 gigs, but for that short span, the band was wildly successful & he was 50% of why. Played acoustic, electric, keyboards, sang backup like a bird & doled out all the harmony parts to everyone else. Seriously one of the best most accomplished musicians I’ve worked with.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:44 PM on January 6 [4 favorites]


When I first joined Metafilter, I was a 23 year old with a ten month baby. I was three months into uncomfortably living outside my hometown and my parents' house for the first time, in a part of the state I didn't know well. My postpartum depression had morphed into agoraphobia, none of my friends were parents, I was a SAHM out of financial necessity, and I felt very, very alone. Metafilter was a huge part of my interaction with the outside world.

I'm almost 40 now and the baby just turned 17. We bought a house in my hometown, I've been at my job for seven years after a couple of part time gigs, my mental health is so much better, and so is my social life. It took a lot to get here, but this community has been there for the whole ride.

Thanks. And much love.
posted by Ruki at 5:12 PM on January 6 [23 favorites]


Thank you for this!

I just looked it up to see when in was (10.5 years ago!). I clicked on the username of someone who posted “Philly hoagie, yo,” and it turned out to be someone I went to college with (some of you may remember The Straightener). Turned out we were both working at Penn and reconnected and became friends again.
posted by Pax at 8:46 PM on January 6 [3 favorites]


Aw man, I miss The Straightener.
posted by limeonaire at 9:47 PM on January 6 [3 favorites]


in the game, I hasten to add

Making a lot of assumptions about my personal life there, PBO.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:56 AM on January 7 [2 favorites]


in the game, I hasten to add

Making a lot of assumptions about my personal life there, PBO.


Hm, yes. We both kind of contributed to the in-game situation, didn't we? Very much in-game only.
posted by nubs at 10:26 AM on January 7 [3 favorites]


I miss The Straightener.

I don't think I ever knew why The Straightener chose that name, but every time I saw it I thought of Lord Buckley's Nazz
So the Nazz look at the little cat with the bent frame and he put the golden eyes of love on this here little kiddie and he looked right down into the windows of his soul and he say to the little cat, he say "Straighten!" The cat went up straighter'n an arrow and everyone jumpin' up and down and sayin' "Look what the Nazz put on that boy! You dug him before - dig him now!"
posted by octobersurprise at 11:21 AM on January 7 [2 favorites]


I've been around for a long time and don't participate a lot. There's no other place like this that I've found and I so appreciate the perspective I've gotten from this site and from so many users. People I've interacted here have been so helpful and kind in a way that makes other places feel awful at times.
posted by Twicketface at 11:45 AM on January 7 [7 favorites]


I don't think I ever knew why The Straightener chose that name

It's a Black Sabbath song (he had to tell me).
posted by Pax at 1:27 PM on January 7 [2 favorites]




Heh, I was just about to comment that the friendships between me, Mrs Pterodactyl, and our respective spouses are a real bright spot in our lives. On top of that, our kiddos are only a month or so apart in age, and watching them grow up together is a joy!
posted by duffell at 6:21 AM on January 8 [6 favorites]


Genji&proust, I hope things have improved. MeFi is my 2nd home, where I get to have and read discussions that don't exist any where else with smart, thoughtful, funny people. I have gotten some very kind memails recently because I said I was having a hard time at Christmas. This is a real community, I an grateful for it and I am better for it.
posted by theora55 at 8:45 AM on January 8 [3 favorites]


I remember the first time I saw someone else logged into metafilter. It was in class - and it was someone I barely knew, and here I was about ready to just explode with excitement. Another member of the CABAL! And they have no idea, and instead of just saying something like, "Hey, I'm on there too" instead I dig out my laptop and then log in and then turn the screen to show them. Except I ran my system on inverted colors so they look at it and then look at me and look back...so finally I'm like "METAFILTER" and they close their laptop slowly and just nod sagely.

We talked like normal people. Very decent funny human.
posted by zenon at 8:58 AM on January 8 [6 favorites]


one time greg nog chased an innocent passer-by in a mefi t-shirt down 2nd avenue yelling HEY METAFILTER PERSON while griphus and i hid behind a trash can bc anxiety
posted by poffin boffin at 9:00 AM on January 8 [14 favorites]


. . . .HEY METAFILTER PERSON while griphus and i hid behind a trash can bc anxiety

hahahahaha someone saw the MeFi sticker on my laptop while I was sitting in an airport and said really loudly, "HEY fellow MeFITE!!! WHO are YOU?!" and I panicked and yelled, "GO AWAY!" because I couldn't gather my stuff fast enough to run away before they got there and bless them they did but also because they were on the moving walkway

(so if that was you, to answer your question: anxiety)
posted by barchan at 9:18 AM on January 8 [9 favorites]


One time I when I lived downtown I was walking around and some dopplered "hey, cortex!" from their bike and it was a mixture of exciting and absolutely bewildering. I'm pretty sure I reacted in time to like wave back or something but I really can't remember the details, just the event itself.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:37 AM on January 8 [2 favorites]


are we doing mefites-in-the-wild encounters now?

one of my exes, shortly after I met her, handed me her phone to show me something and I saw AskMe open in a browser tab

no, I didn't say anything, or mention MetaFilter at all for the entire rest of the time we were dating
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:44 AM on January 8 [4 favorites]


I have yet to see a MeFi t-shirt or mug, or any other indication of a stranger being a Mefite, in the wild. Nor have I been called out as being a MeFite by a stranger. I think I would enjoy the experience, though now reading this I'm not sure it would always be received warmly.

I may have told this story before, but whatever. I tell all my stories multiple times.

Before Metafilter became my home I was a prominent member of another, now-defunct internet community. My name there, at least the name I had for the longest period of time, was Professor Nutbutter. I named myself after a Primus song. One day we had a meetup at a local restaurant. These were the days before smart phones and really even texting so it wasn't always easy to find your group.

I did find my group, but at that point there were only about four of us. So we did that thing where we look around and watch to see if anyone is wandering around the restaurant looking like they might be trying to find someone they've never actually met before. Before long I saw one guy looking exactly like that that I thought might be one of us, so I got up and approached him.

We were looking for a guy whose first name was Paul, so as I approached him I said "are you Paul?"

"Yes!" he said.

I reached out to shake his hand.

"Cool. I'm Jim! Nutbutter!"

"Huh?"

"I'm Nutbutter!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're Paul, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"I'm Nutbutter!"

"Huh?"

"Um... are you looking for the [name of forum] gathering?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Did you say your name was Nut something?"

"Yeah, uh... nevermind. I guess you're not the guy we're looking for. Sorry."

I hung my head in embarrassment and quietly walked back to the table.

Eventually we found the right Paul.
posted by bondcliff at 10:50 AM on January 8 [11 favorites]


I've never had a MeFite in the wild encounter, but on a few occasions I've been talking with people and the conversation moves to a topic that got posted recently, or the discussion starts to include points of view or arguments I've encountered here, and I always wonder if I talking with another MeFite but I've never been brave enough to ask.
posted by nubs at 11:09 AM on January 8 [2 favorites]


In one of the MeFi threads that brings out all the vision scientists of metafilter, tickingclock and I discovered that although we hadn't met we have super similar current interests so we started geeking out over MeMail. One thing led to another and I ended up in Germany for the big data visualization conference (my first talk), and tickingclock came to my talk! And stayed to chat after! It was incredibly kind and generous. My only regret is that I was massively sleep deprived (see: my first talk) and my attempts to get together were foiled by technology. But it was so wonderful and I hope to meet up again.

In conclusion, MeFi is the best. I'm gonna start wearing my MeFi shirt again.
posted by nicodine at 8:30 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


Three years ago Secret Quonsar resulted in my having care expressed for me by someone across the country at a time when basically all such expressions may have been the thing that kept me on the right side of the cliff edge. Still in periodic contact.
posted by PMdixon at 11:27 AM on January 13 [6 favorites]


Okay, so it's not really MeFite-related, but it's still a pretty cool thing.

So the main part of my job is supporting and developing integrations for our big student-facing system. This last week, the company that produces the system started up a Slack site for people like me where we can hang out and discuss technical issues, get help with problems, share ideas, and so on.

A thread started up on one of the channels asking if anyone else codes, and I said yes...which led into a discussion of a couple of the integration things that I've done with Python. (Details of those aren't terribly relevant, but available on request.)

Next thing I know, I'm talking to one of the higher-up developers at the company, who wants to see demos of the things. So I recorded about six minutes of a whirlwind tour of both of them...

...and now I have a more-or-less guaranteed slot to present on the stuff I've done at their annual developer conference in May. Possibly two slots, depending on how much time I need. It's going to be a big first for me.

So far I'm still torn between:
- "Wow! Cool! I get to talk about these things I did and am pretty proud of!"
- "Good lord, you're listening to me? Have you met me?"

posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:16 AM on January 17 [3 favorites]


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