High signal profiles

August 17, 2010 2:12 AM

I find that Mutant's profile is full of useful information, about himself and his areas of expertise. Do you guys know of any other profiles with useful and interesting information, particularly about specialty subjects?
posted by By The Grace of God to MetaFilter-Related at 2:12 AM (70 comments total)

oh. sad. due to this thread, and then looking at my own profile, i've learned that http://themountaingoatswillcureyourbieberfever.com/ is no longer.
posted by nadawi at 2:19 AM on August 17, 2010

Mine has a story.
posted by lee at 2:37 AM on August 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

Mine has a little song about ducks, to be sung to the tune of a famous march by Sousa. But it's not as informative as Mutant's.
posted by flabdablet at 3:54 AM on August 17, 2010

Deja vu.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:55 AM on August 17, 2010

I pretty much only like it when we talk about Aliens.
posted by Jofus at 4:06 AM on August 17, 2010

Deezil's profile is great if you're ever having any virus problems on your computer.
posted by surenoproblem at 4:09 AM on August 17, 2010 [22 favorites]

I was pleased that the early modern god-bothering quote on mine stuck in someone's head enough that they later posted to MeTa trying to remember where they'd read it.
posted by Abiezer at 4:10 AM on August 17, 2010

deezil
posted by nangar at 4:11 AM on August 17, 2010

Yep.
posted by nangar at 4:11 AM on August 17, 2010

robocop is bleeding's profile contains links to some pretty fine short fiction, submitted as comments.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:03 AM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Does his page include a FAQ? Nope, didn't think so. A bedtime story? No? What an amateur, you people are going to take financial advice from someone without a FAQ and a bedtime story in their user profile?
posted by Meatbomb at 5:39 AM on August 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

"...and now find myself in the curious position of not having to work again unless I want to"

And yet he doesn't tithe to the One True Church. I know, as I regularly review my PayPal account status. He'd have those that tend to his salvation scrabble for pennies in the dirt while he sips honeyed mead and eats sweetcakes.

Shame on you, Mr. Mutant, shame.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:43 AM on August 17, 2010

A fine way to make profiles searchable, folks, is to discuss and link to them in a Meta thread.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:58 AM on August 17, 2010

Aw shucks, thanks fellas *blushes*
posted by deezil at 6:05 AM on August 17, 2010

Meatbomb,

Presumably he tithes only in the astral plane. (Where when you buy a "Future" you actually buy an entire worldline rather than the forward wheat contracts we have to make do with in the physical world)
posted by atrazine at 6:10 AM on August 17, 2010

It is all but one big soap opera and Mutant is inviting you all in to step in his reality where trains arrive the minute you step on the platform.
posted by Mrs Mutant at 6:20 AM on August 17, 2010

I don't know if it's particularly notable, but on mine I collect usernames I like and (for a while) I indexed The Verbose Surrealist's 7,483 Things to Do with a Lobster and a Lightly Soiled Pair of Lederhosen.
posted by ocherdraco at 6:42 AM on August 17, 2010

Mutant is inviting you all in to step in his reality where trains arrive the minute you step on the platform.

That's a lot of stepping.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:52 AM on August 17, 2010

A soap opera got a lot of episodes and really never ends
posted by Mrs Mutant at 6:57 AM on August 17, 2010

madamjujujive has a lot going for her; and peacay not only has a great blog but saves interesting links. If you are into body modification (shudder) then gilder is your man.
posted by adamvasco at 7:01 AM on August 17, 2010

glider - dammit
posted by adamvasco at 7:02 AM on August 17, 2010

Some say crunchland's profile has great information on how to make a good FPP to the Blue. Others may disagree, however.
posted by slogger at 7:03 AM on August 17, 2010

Also, reading mutant's profile makes me wish we could favorite user pages.
posted by slogger at 7:08 AM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

A soap opera got a lot of episodes

Yes it do.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:17 AM on August 17, 2010

A fine way to make profiles searchable, folks, is to discuss and link to them in a Meta thread.

Actually no, they're still not searchable, at least not by Google. This is something we review every once in a while. We've noticed an odd thing where sometimes you'll see a profile page in the search result, but only the URL, not the content of the page. The text that is on the page is still not searchable or indexed by Google but sometimes the URL itself will show up in results because, yeah, someone has linked to it from somewhere. That said, all userpages are linked to every comment you make, so linking here isn't going to do much one way or the other. People who need the information on their profile to be absolutely private should not be putting it on their profiles to begin with.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:17 AM on August 17, 2010

I was thinking of our Eastenders soap hence the bad English, sorry.
posted by Mrs Mutant at 7:25 AM on August 17, 2010

My profile page is a fantastic resource if you want to see a my current twitter thoughts or follow a link to my Playstation profile (and you know you do...).

It also provides a handy link to mefi-mail me, which could be useful if you are ever in Southeast Wisconsin, and you are looking for advice on how to avoid the flaying blood-feast demons.
posted by quin at 7:28 AM on August 17, 2010

Mine contains a thorough examination of all the angles involved in being associated with the production of a 3-hour pornographic epic starring Whoopi Goldberg and Randy Quaid.
posted by COBRA! at 7:29 AM on August 17, 2010

Speaking of....didn't ThePinkSuperhero's profile page used to be pink? What happened to that?
posted by schmod at 7:35 AM on August 17, 2010 [12 favorites]

DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:41 AM on August 17, 2010 [6 favorites]

I was just frantically checking my profile too. Whew.
posted by Gator at 7:44 AM on August 17, 2010

I find that Mutant's profile is full of useful information

He's also a super nice guy who is always willing to correspond with a curious MeFite. Hats off.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:54 AM on August 17, 2010

Oh, whew. Stylish was botching those two profiles.

Nothing to see here. Please move along. (But, really, can we think about improving the contrast on MeFi? It's so much more readable with that stylesheet.)
posted by schmod at 7:57 AM on August 17, 2010

The simple stylesheet is actually pretty high contrast. Might want to try that.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:07 AM on August 17, 2010

I've been inspired. Gonna have to novelize my own profile. What wonders should I hide in there?
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 8:31 AM on August 17, 2010

You think that's something? My profile has my location, the date I joined Metafilter, links to all my posts and comments, links to what I have favorited and what of mine has been favorited by others, a list of users I link to and who link to me, and common tags for my posts. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by ND¢ at 8:55 AM on August 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

The knobbed whelk is the official state shell of New Jersey, USA.
posted by The Whelk at 9:13 AM on August 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

My profile will lead you to the last song I posted to MeFi music that never got any comments at all and I cried and cried.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:18 AM on August 17, 2010

Mine is pretty great.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:21 AM on August 17, 2010

I find that Mutant's profile is full of useful information

He's also a super nice guy who is always willing to correspond with a curious MeFite. Hats off.
He's also a frightening biker dude with a menacing investment banker presence.
A superposition of evil!
posted by joost de vries at 9:56 AM on August 17, 2010

I got on here early enough to snag the ridiculously undescriptive username "norm". That's gotta be worth something.
posted by norm at 9:59 AM on August 17, 2010

He's also a frightening biker dude with a menacing investment banker presence.
A superposition of evil!

Most definitely so I tried to curb that one by marrying him on a date that translates to 9-9-9
posted by Mrs Mutant at 10:13 AM on August 17, 2010

"He's also a frightening biker dude with a menacing investment banker presence.
A superposition of evil!"

It gets worse; while in Banking I had two main roles : Risk Management & Credit Derivatives. Then, I went and spent several years at a ratings agency.

In other words, a three time loser who touched everything blamed for the crash.

I'm ok with it, but genuinely unworthy of attending the Church of Meatbomb, although I vaguely recall tithing in his presence at a meetup in Amsterdam.
posted by Mutant at 10:27 AM on August 17, 2010

If you want to know how to insult people or learn the secret history of MetaFilter... I've said too much already.
posted by Kattullus at 11:21 AM on August 17, 2010

Mine has a Sleestak.
posted by JoanArkham at 11:44 AM on August 17, 2010

Jessamyn has lots of useful information about chicken fucking.
posted by nestor_makhno at 12:53 PM on August 17, 2010

liar!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:09 PM on August 17, 2010

I've found the useful info/links and interesting threads I missed in languagehat's profile.
posted by julen at 1:22 PM on August 17, 2010

liar!

I'll say. Your scandalously outdated chicken-fucking information is an affront to modern refined chickenfuckers.
posted by Skot at 1:38 PM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mine has information that you can find nowhere else.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 2:58 PM on August 17, 2010

The knobbed whelk is the official state shell of New Jersey, USA.

A MeFite's Whelk has a knob at the end....

No, that's not right.
posted by zarq at 4:10 PM on August 17, 2010

IT IS MORE THAN RIGHT
posted by The Whelk at 4:14 PM on August 17, 2010

With apologies to Heather Wood:

A MeFite's Whelk has a knob on the end
It never will buckle, it never will bend
He cherishes it, and he calls it his friend,
and he frequently takes it in hand.

A MeFite's Whelk is the source of his power.
He checks up on it every hour on the hour
And he's never surprised when it turns to a flower --
The fairest throughout all the land.

The Whelk of a MeFite with honour is crowned.
Without it a MeFite will rarely be found.
'Tis big and it's round and weighs three to the pound
And without it he's truly unmanned.

The Whelk of a MeFite can do mighty deeds.
It protects him from harm and attends to his needs,
Provides him with banquets upon which he feeds
And potions on which he gets canned.

Whenever a MeFite is lonely or sad,
Or feeling dejected, or puzzled, or mad,
He turns to his Whelk, and things don't seem so bad --
By it he is never trepanned.

The Whelk of a MeFite is dear to his heart
The source and the succour of his magic art.
They travel together, are never apart,
A relationship few understand.

The MeFite is rarely of heroic build
Were it not for his Whelk, he would surely be killed.
By demons or monsters his blood would be spilled
All over the pitiless sand.

A MeFite in thought, word, and deed should be chaste
If he is not, he's considered disgraced
Although in his dreams he is often embraced
By ladies both lissom and tanned.

The Whelk of a MeFite is polished with care.
He anoints it with spices and unguents rare,
Bedecks it with silver and jewels most fair,
And on feast days he has it japanned.

A MeFite when young has a Whelk that is small.
It's puny and weak, ineffective withal.
It grows with his power until it stands tall
As his fame and his glory expand.

The Whelk of a MeFite can hold many spells
For finding lost objects or dowsing new wells
For banishing demons to bottomless hells
Or bringing them back on demand.

A Mefite's Whelk can do manifold tricks
To puzzle the nobles and fuddle the hicks
It rescues the MeFite from many a fix --
It is totally at his command.

When a MeFite is old, and is starting to fade
He looks on his Whelk that with cunning he made
The crown of his life and the tool of his trade
And together they make their last stand.
posted by zarq at 4:23 PM on August 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I should stop posting for like a year so Zarq's thing is this strange artifact left in the sands of the internet.
posted by The Whelk at 4:33 PM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

oops
posted by The Whelk at 4:33 PM on August 17, 2010

Actually... I'm a little concerned about what we're all now going to be required to anoint you with at the next meetup.
posted by zarq at 4:40 PM on August 17, 2010

liar!

All I'm saying is one second I'm looking at your profile and the next second there's a guy plowing a chicken.
posted by nestor_makhno at 4:44 PM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I ENJOY NON-ESSENTIAL OILS
posted by The Whelk at 4:51 PM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'll say. Your scandalously outdated chicken-fucking information is an affront to modern refined chickenfuckers.

You folks are giving me warning tingles in my downbelows.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:06 PM on August 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

Chik-Fuk-A: Fuck more chikin
posted by exogenous at 5:11 PM on August 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

But never on Sundays...
posted by JoanArkham at 5:48 PM on August 17, 2010

Meatbomb's profile says: "17584 - account does not exist. Doesn't count."

Not true....it's me!
posted by JtJ at 7:02 AM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

And I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky truth peddlers! Back off my spin, JtJ!!!!11
posted by Meatbomb at 8:42 AM on August 18, 2010

And I am ready to fight you to the death in defense of my crown.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:43 AM on August 18, 2010

Oooh... JtJ even has the first n00b comment in the New user signups are back on thread. I believe that your grip on the grown appears tenuous, Meatbomb. The only question is... does that mean JtJ is the rightful astral mod?
posted by Kattullus at 8:52 AM on August 18, 2010

You're confused, Kattalus, my birthright as King of the $5 n00bs has nothing whatsoever to do with the volunteer professional services I provide to Team Mod.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:39 AM on August 18, 2010

Katullus, even.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:39 AM on August 18, 2010

Nevertheless, your honour....the evidence is before us. I have, in the past, been called many things. But "account does not exist"? P-l-e-a-s-e!
posted by JtJ at 11:14 AM on August 18, 2010

GHOST IN THE MACHINE
posted by The Whelk at 11:14 AM on August 18, 2010

I do like the idea of using it as a semi-private resource for mefites, on one's particular area of expertise. I wouldn't be surprised if this thread generates a little signup bump as lurkers let their curiosity get the better of them. Also Katullus' has a convenient javascript bookmarklet that will generate insults which is really a convenient time-saver when you want to simply click a button and call someone on Metafilter a shitdicked fucktruck*. Sadly (or possibly for the safety of the rest of the world) it doesn't work outside this site.

Mine used to have a little story about when I got drunk and met Jessamyn for a moment, but it felt kinda wanky and I shelved it. Nothing amazing now.

I can also attest that Mutant is super nice to correspond with.

*actual insult generated by this splendid tool
posted by churl at 10:18 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]