Pseudonyms for Mefites' family March 10, 2016 1:13 AM   Subscribe

I find the ways that Mefites adapt their usernames to refer to other people in their family (e.g. tel3path's tel3mum) really endearing. What are some variations you've seen and are fond of?
posted by divabat to MetaFilter-Related at 1:13 AM (194 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

Presumably Cortex + Secretariat = Ca-horse-tex
posted by Going To Maine at 1:49 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


It's kind of a swerve from your question, but I really liked the origin of Mrs. Pterodactyl's name.

I've been tempted once or twice to refer to HitlerDad and HitlerMom, but while it's funny in my head whenever I type it out I just feel cruddy.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:05 AM on March 10, 2016 [14 favorites]


Whenever I have sex with someone I call them itemfucker. It is absolutely adorable.
posted by item at 3:08 AM on March 10, 2016 [47 favorites]


It disturbs me that Klangklangston is not Klangklangson, i.e. Klang son of Klang. The recollection of this discrepancy between reality and my ideal world recurs every time I read his name and is like having a hangnail or rough cuticle and no access to nail clippers.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:15 AM on March 10, 2016 [10 favorites]




I'm biased, but my wife catastrophewaitress has referred to me as catastrophewaiter, which I'm all about. Our entire family is "catastrophewaitstaff." (I, on the other hand, got my account 10 years ago and just used my then-last-name, which is no longer my last name nor is it our family name, so referring to her as ms. duffell just feels weird.)
posted by duffell at 3:51 AM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


Like Ursula Hitler, I thought about this carefully. It felt weird to refer to my family members as Mr. Chains, DadChains, etc., so I usually refer to them as Mr. Freedom et al.

I do love Ruthless Bunny's Husbunny.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:11 AM on March 10, 2016 [18 favorites]


People seemed to get a kick out of the fact that I've referred to my father as Patercallipygos.

(I suddenly feel that I should clarify that I don't know whether my father has a great ass or not because I've never looked because eww.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:34 AM on March 10, 2016 [16 favorites]


I called my son a "little shit" the other day, which is actually pronounced "Young Bondcliff" when you say it in Gaelic.
posted by bondcliff at 5:55 AM on March 10, 2016 [18 favorites]


Fairly early on in our dating life my then-girlfriend mentioned there was an opening for a Mrs. Encyclopedia. I correctly interpreted this to be a Good Sign.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:57 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


Seemse like I have referred to "Just this Wife, y'know?"... which seems a bit reductive.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:02 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


Maybe I should start calling her Cool Mama Bell?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:30 AM on March 10, 2016 [24 favorites]


I'd be in full support of "joseph conrad's husband is fully awesome" and "we had a deal, Kyleen." Is it weird for me to suggest that? I feel like maybe this is weird. (Is it weird?)
posted by duffell at 6:41 AM on March 10, 2016 [9 favorites]


"Jessie George is fully awesome"?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:45 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


When nakedmolerats and I were getting married, what we would call one another on Metafilter was something we discussed for fun - I was relieved when she decided that I could be mrs. molerats rather than the nakedmolewife ...
posted by DingoMutt at 6:50 AM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


My husband declines to be Mr Mom. So I call him Mr SLC which is actually not very cute at all.
posted by SLC Mom at 6:55 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


"Baby MonkeyToes" no longer describes either child, but it was sweet while it lasted.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:56 AM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


Please is not our actual surname but I enjoy referring to my family of origin as the Please family when given opportunity to talk about those wonderful people here.

Funny thing I never noticed until now: though I mention him often enough, I have never referred to my husband as Mr. Please here. I selected my MeFi handle long before we met/married and I took his last name and I guess Please is officially the stand-in for my maiden name in my head, so that would just be illogical and... well, the train of thought just got ridiculous. Juli, please.
posted by juliplease at 7:07 AM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]


Mr. Sophie always sounds weird but Mr.1 would be even more odd. I've enjoyed seeing how people refer to those they are actually enspousenated to, though.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:12 AM on March 10, 2016


I like the people who picked as their MeFi name something like, oh, Book. And then they call their children things like Short Story and Novella. Cracks me up every time I see someone who has done something like that.
posted by angeline at 7:16 AM on March 10, 2016 [17 favorites]


I sometimes refer to my kid as DOT, Jr. but that's fairly shabby and unclever, now that I see some of these. My spouse has her own (seldom-used) username here, so no fun to be had there, really.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:17 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


"DarlingBri" is a very old online nickname (coming up on 20 years) and I got it in when I was dating someone who both called me Bri and was often called Mr Bri. I did not marry that person, and thus do not refer to my spouse as Mr Bri. That would be like nicknaming my spouse Ex-Boyfriend (though I suppose technically he is an ex-boyfriend, as he is no longer my boyfriend but is instead my husband...?)

Anyway, I call him genghis. Our friends, almost all of whom we recruited from online, collectively refer to us as gengbri.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:18 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've been trying to come up with better spinoffs from my username for referring to my kid. But I think the username I have sorta precludes that. What am I going to call him? "DirtyOldTot"? That makes him sound like a tiny sex offender.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:29 AM on March 10, 2016 [24 favorites]


DirtyYoungTown?
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:29 AM on March 10, 2016 [19 favorites]


I've always loved how telepanda calls their son micropanda. THE TINIEST PANDA
posted by rhythm and booze at 7:30 AM on March 10, 2016 [56 favorites]


DirtyYoungTown?

DirtyOldHamlet?
posted by Itaxpica at 7:31 AM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]


I call my husband "Herr Vortex" in honor of his ridiculously German surname.
posted by Elly Vortex at 7:32 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


Here is a robot made out of meat referring to their SO as Ms. Vegetable.
posted by phunniemee at 7:32 AM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


Honestly at this point all of my IRL friends who took spouse-based nicknames are divorced. Kind of puts a damper on the whole thing.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:33 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


(though I suppose technically he is an ex-boyfriend, as he is no longer my boyfriend but is instead my husband...?)

I have a theory that relationship statuses are cumulative as you go up the relationship escalator.

It makes sense, right? Because people still talk about their husband being their best friend, so clearly your husband isn't "technically an ex-friend" — he's still a friend too. It also means that your husband isn't "technically an ex-boyfriend," which is a nice consequence. He's still your friend, and he's still your boyfriend, and now he's your husband.

It does, though, have the unsettling consequence that everyone you know, including your spouse, retains their original relationship status with respect to you: namely, "stranger."
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:39 AM on March 10, 2016 [17 favorites]


I've referred to my wife as Mrs.Husk in the past but in real life she hyphenates. Since I don't want to use her real name here, I'll use her common online pseudonym and from now on so it will be Mrs.Dioptase-Husk.
posted by charred husk at 7:55 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Always looking for Melismato!

Actually, I just realized that Melismata is Greek in origin, not Italian. Greek speakers, what is an appropriate masculine-sounding change for Melismata?

(Melisma=a musical passage that goes on and on and on. Melismata is the plural, since I go on and on and on about many different things.)
posted by Melismata at 7:55 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


Oh, and I've been watching Ken Burns' "Baseball" and just discovered the original Cool Papa Bell. Awesome. :)
posted by Melismata at 7:56 AM on March 10, 2016


"DirtyOldTot"?

TinyOldTown (TOT).
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:57 AM on March 10, 2016 [27 favorites]


My name is a kind of dune, so (before he signed up) I thought I'd refer to my husband as antidune. But when I told Antidune that he said nobody would get it and it also doesn't seem very nice even after I explained how cool antidunes are. Then I told him he was a fun killer and threatened to call him Erg instead. . .it kind of went downhill from there, no pun intended, and ended with us both pouting even though we called it something different like "I have chores to do."

So now he's "just" my husband which is just not fun at all.
posted by barchan at 7:59 AM on March 10, 2016 [15 favorites]


I can refer to my children as little Wharf Rats.
posted by AugustWest at 8:01 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


Oh, and I've been watching Ken Burns' "Baseball" and just discovered the original Cool Papa Bell. Awesome. :)

Cool Papa Bell. I've had this earworm for years.
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:03 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


MonkeyToes, I will never forgive you for that. There is no recovering from that earworm video. I had a picture of the actual Cool Papa Bell in my head for years and now I have an insane bass player. Bass player does not equal baseball player.
posted by AugustWest at 8:10 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


I've been Thorzdad since pretty much the first day I got online. I took my name in honor of our son. When I refer to my wife, I call her Dotsmom, in honor of our daughter. While she is not a member here, my wife uses Dotsmom in other places.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:20 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Though I have no plans to have kids, if I did, it seems that some variant of "echo chambers" would be appropriate.
posted by chambers at 8:22 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


I've enjoyed calling my wife Ms. Steady, as she is my steady. I've also managed to give myself a fictional middle initial and various titles over the years. It just now occurs to me that I've heretofore missed the chance to call my daughter Little Rock (she does look quite a bit like me, I'm told).
posted by Rock Steady at 8:26 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


Call your daughter "Pebble Steady"?
posted by AugustWest at 8:32 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


Ms. nubs and the nubspawn.
posted by nubs at 8:39 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


I loved reading this comment of ricochet biscuit's in the Super Tuesday thread, mostly because of "Pa Biscuit." Though the story was good, too.
posted by phatkitten at 8:43 AM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


I think I've called my wife LionessIndex somewhere around here, but didn't really like it because I think the distinction between the names is a bit too subtle. Should kids ever happen, they can certainly be CubIndices.
posted by LionIndex at 8:43 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


I suppose I could have referred to my kids as "die kinder chococat" but I usually just use their names.
posted by chococat at 8:53 AM on March 10, 2016 [10 favorites]


My user name doesn't lend itself to this at all, or perhaps I'm too unimaginative to think of one.

So instead I'm going to relate a vaguely related story.
I work with a guy named Marty and his wife is Stephanie., the kid is Mason. They insist that Mason stands for Marty And Stepahanie's sON. And, if they have another son he will be Samson, for Stephanie and Marty's SON.

This apparently annoys the in-laws.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:56 AM on March 10, 2016 [33 favorites]


Let me go on the record: I, too, find this trend totally endearing.
posted by meese at 8:57 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Jessica Fletcher, perhaps?
posted by Melismata at 8:59 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


It threw me for a loop when lizbunny also used the Husbunny sobriquet just the other day. I reckon she's just as entitled to use it, but it caused me some amount of confusion.
posted by Liesl at 9:02 AM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


TinyOldTown (TOT).

That is a winner, MonkeyToes! The key was getting the "Dirty" out of there, I guess. Hard to make nicknames for a kid with that word that don't come off unseemly.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:02 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


My top three internet handles por mi esposa are:
"Mr. Lynsey"
"the DH" (Dear Husband)
and "Husbunny" (with a nod to Chatfilter)
posted by Lynsey at 9:05 AM on March 10, 2016


Oh, I should mention that mi esposa does have a rarely-used account here. Our son and daughter also have rarely-used accounts here. My mom, however, is an A-list-er/superuser here!

Next thing you know, the grandchildren will have accounts here!
posted by Lynsey at 9:08 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


We're in that irritating period where "girlfriend" isn't quite accurate, "wife" is premature, and "fiancee", when spoken, is insufficiently clear as to gender, so I just call her my best-beloved. (Plus I have to pick my actual legal name so I can change it during the wedding process, so I have no idea what to call *myself* at the moment. Since my friends and family know me by any of three different names and Alex by two, the wedding invitations have been *hilarious*)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:17 AM on March 10, 2016 [23 favorites]


awwww, I love best-beloved!
posted by barchan at 9:25 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


I had a picture of the actual Cool Papa Bell in my head for years and now I have an insane bass player. Bass player does not equal baseball player.

Here, I can top it.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:53 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Also, in the opposite direction: My wife is not a Metafilter user but acknowledges its influence on my life as "That Blue Blog" as in "Get off That Blue Blog and help me."
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:12 AM on March 10, 2016 [26 favorites]


Actually, I just realized that Melismata is Greek in origin, not Italian. Greek speakers, what is an appropriate masculine-sounding change for Melismata?

Greek nouns in "-ma" are neuter, and almost always refer to inanimate objects or abstractions, so they don't tend to get converted to masculine or feminine. The root of "melisma" is "melos," which I think is masculine. If so, and if it's pluralizable --it means "music," so it might be a mass noun? -- the plural would be "meloi."
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:18 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


WAIT FALSE ALARM "melos" is neuter too and its plural is "melea." It can mean "melody" or "limb."
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:21 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


My wife is registered here as "Sherry Nugil" even though she only lurks. At the time, I suggested the Jordan was a cooler character, but she insisted we needed to be accurate to the film.
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 10:21 AM on March 10, 2016 [10 favorites]


Dammit third declension.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:22 AM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


I have (I think) only referred to my significant other here as Mr. Nat, which is rather boring, but there's a reason.

You see, the first online handle I had was natantae-- started by both my sister (also floating about Mefi now) and me, because we were both female swimmers who studied Latin. I later used natanta when I wanted my own (I meant the singular feminine, not the neuter plural, but eh), but a fellow Latin classmate (and a male swimmer, whom I've known since I was 3) used natantus for a while so it is already taken in my head. Also Mr. Nat doesn't swim, so calling him natantus would just be weird.

Mr. Nat doesn't use metafilter, but he does get a significant amount of internetting through the vlogbrothers, so we often have conversations that go "Hey I read about this thing on Metafilter" and he'll say "oh yeah there was a vlogbrothers video about that".
posted by nat at 10:22 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


Also, in the opposite direction: My wife is not a Metafilter user but acknowledges its influence on my life as "That Blue Blog" as in "Get off That Blue Blog and help me."

I've said before that the support group for ignored partners/children of MeFites should be called "That Damned Blue Website".
posted by Rock Steady at 10:26 AM on March 10, 2016 [16 favorites]


I still remember the day my husband said to me "what's the blue website you're always looking at anyway?".

And apparently I feel weird typing his real name even though I have posted it here before and I don't use nicknames in general anyway, so he's just my husband. And previously my boyfriend, we got married for legal reasons at some point at short notice and with no fanfare or ceremony.

But apparently I also find it endearing when you guys all use nicknames for your families, which I didn't really realise until now.
posted by shelleycat at 10:30 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


Here, I can top it.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:53 PM on March 10 [+] [!]


Thank you sir. While I cannot unsee that bass player dude, back to a vision of a great baseball player!
posted by AugustWest at 10:32 AM on March 10, 2016


I am far from anything resembling domestic life, but 'husbunny' is funny and endearing and cracks me up everything.
posted by four panels at 10:37 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


Hmm, this thread is making me think I should refer to my lurker husband as Guy-agonalize.
posted by Diagonalize at 10:52 AM on March 10, 2016 [41 favorites]


I've consistently referred to mine as misterben and just generally "the mister" both here and on Metachat. (No kids, and there won't ever be, so I don't have to worry about that.)
posted by matildaben at 11:05 AM on March 10, 2016


My husband's username is... Mr. Fig.
posted by Fig at 11:12 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


The Astro Zombies were just numbered, but it got to the point where I was, like, how many more times do I want to spend $5 to make another Astro Zombie.

And then I would have to look at my bank account, because the answer was "However many make an army."
posted by maxsparber at 11:18 AM on March 10, 2016 [11 favorites]


Confess, Fletch: if they have another son he will be Samson, for Stephanie and Marty's SON.

I'm casting a vote for their forthcoming female child to be named "Samizdat".
posted by a halcyon day at 11:32 AM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


Area Wife just doesn't seem right, but Area Woman may not clearly indicate I'm talking about my spouse.
posted by Area Man at 11:40 AM on March 10, 2016 [13 favorites]


sciatrix does not easily lend itself to amusing family shorthands, alas! If only I'd gone with the other username I was contemplating, which was "Lasagna Whale." Lasagna Spouse has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
posted by sciatrix at 11:49 AM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


(Shorthands: also considerably harder when your partner IDs as nonbinary and prefers singular they if I have to use pronouns. I suppose I could always do "Mx. Sciatrix." but I feel that might also be confusing... yes? no?)
posted by sciatrix at 11:50 AM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


I think you're all pretty clear on how I refer to my husband (i.e., Bear, The Bear, Mr. Bear, etc.) from my username.

Shout out here again to the truly wonderful Dorinda for my truly wonderful bike bell and its inscription, "Keep Calm and Love Bears," part of her SQ gift package to me.
posted by bearwife at 11:51 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


hmm.. so I guess technically he would be ISTJ.. but I'd rather call him Mr. My Personality Exceeds Four Letters!

MPEFL!

(He thinks the Myers-briggs stuff is a bunch of hooey)
posted by INFJ at 11:55 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


I've called them Mrs. Clinging and the Wreckages a few times. That also sound like the band in a 1960s beach movie.

I've never much thought about calling my kids Wreckages. It's only been a few times, but it doesn't sound great and I think I shouldn't do that again. After all, I love and actually like my kids. They're the least wreckage-y part of my life.

My wife isn't the least bit clingy either, but I'm not going to use her real name and she won't be getting an account anytime soon so I guess it'll do.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 12:07 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


I believe my wife uses turtlegirl because of my username. So that's my favourite.
posted by terrapin at 12:12 PM on March 10, 2016 [11 favorites]


Funnily enough, there's a barbeque place near me that does 'dirty tots' as a side dish - tater tots with pulled pork and cheese sauce.
posted by mikurski at 12:23 PM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


Mine are Mr. McGee, and our children Mini McGee and Micro McGee.

In real life my husband and I have different last names and he gets called "Mr. MyName" all the time, so he's used to it.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 12:24 PM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


They're the least wreckage-y part of my life.

The Lifeboats.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:30 PM on March 10, 2016 [19 favorites]


Related to the McGees of Illinois?


came here for a bit of endearment reading y'all enspousenated ones...
posted by infini at 12:39 PM on March 10, 2016


Currently single but if I were to marry, I'm sure some variation on Mrs. Fizz would be appropriate. If I ever have children, it probably makes the most sense to refer to my child as: "Pop."

The soda-related puns would make the most sense despite the fact that my moniker is based on a character from Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman's Dragonlance novels.
posted by Fizz at 12:44 PM on March 10, 2016


> The Astro Zombies were just numbered, but it got to the point where I was, like, how many more times do I want to spend $5 to make another Astro Zombie.

And then I would have to look at my bank account, because the answer was "However many make an army."


BRING BACK ASTRO ZOMBIE THREE

Also, I believe I have referred to my wife as Mrs. Hat.
posted by languagehat at 12:44 PM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


The Lifeboats.

Carpathia and The Lifeboats it is.

And if your spouse's name starts with an H and they're anything like mine, don't call them H-Bomb. It is not a cute nickname and it will not go over well.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 12:49 PM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


i guess i could call my girlfriend dismiss but that doesn't sound great
posted by dismas at 1:04 PM on March 10, 2016 [17 favorites]


I guess I could call my ex the sod off nudibranch (as a visual pun) and imaginary kids as nudi-twigs.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:07 PM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


The soda-related puns would make the most sense despite the fact that my moniker is based on a character from Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman's Dragonlance novels.

So that's why the constellation Draco is missing from the sky every time I notice you're logged in to MeFi.
posted by XMLicious at 1:09 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Mrs. Livia Agrippina Julia Clav: NOB REG PM CENS PIVS AVG SPQR CAES VC.
posted by clavdivs at 1:24 PM on March 10, 2016 [12 favorites]


This seems as appropriate a place as any to say how grateful I am that people here don't do the DH/DD/DS thing here. (You know, I've never seen DW...does this mean people married to women don't use these annoying terms)?

Thanks, Mefites. For either coming up with a creative name or just saying "my husband/wife/spouse/partner/kid/son/daughter" etc.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 1:36 PM on March 10, 2016 [33 favorites]


> My husband's username is... Mr. Fig.
posted by Fig


I don't know how you feel about children, but they would be MiniFigs and you would get so much free Lego from people charmed by it.
posted by benito.strauss at 1:48 PM on March 10, 2016 [21 favorites]


Suki shot first.
posted by Sokka shot first at 1:51 PM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


I believe I've joked before that if I got my dad to sign up he'd be dickr so I will never do that.
posted by maryr at 1:51 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


I may have referred to a former squeeze as Halloween Jill.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:11 PM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


my daughter is sebmojita
posted by Sebmojo at 2:34 PM on March 10, 2016 [9 favorites]


> My husband's username is... Mr. Fig.
posted by Fig

I don't know how you feel about children, but they would be MiniFigs and you would get so much free Lego from people charmed by it.


No kids, but that is super adorable.

One of my dogs' names is Figlet, which is where my username originated.
posted by Fig at 2:35 PM on March 10, 2016 [10 favorites]


I've used mr bee at least once I think. I'd use honeybee but then I'd have to throw up on myself.
posted by billiebee at 2:36 PM on March 10, 2016 [30 favorites]


The little one is mini-syn. Now that I think about it, the partner could be mr. napse, and the whole thing would be terrifyingly (phonetically) accurate.
posted by synapse at 2:41 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Could I call my kids owlet and owlette?
posted by Night_owl at 2:45 PM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]


You know, I've never seen DW...does this mean people married to women don't use these annoying terms

It is used. It's every bit as as horrific as DH or DS, just less common, but it is around. It just isn't around here.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:46 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Well I do use DL for Dreaded Laramie, of course
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:49 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


I refer to my lady friend (who is also a mefite although she doesn't post often) as The Red Thoughts Consort.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:54 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


I feel utterly boring. (What else is new.)

Mr. T-T will always just be Mr. T-T, because there is no male form of the name Too-Ticky and no character who could fulfill the role of Too-Ticky's partner. [Not in the books, at least. In the real world, that role would be taken by Tove Jansson herself, but she's a woman and that gets confusing in this case, because Mr. T-T is many things, but he's not a woman. I have called him Snufkin before, but it's not a great fit because Snufkin would never want to be anyone's partner and the same probably goes for Too-Ticky by the way. If you can follow any of this, you have read at least one book that I love, and I salute you; if you can't but you've at least given it a try, you still rock pretty hard.]

Anyway, he will probably not get an account of his own unless I gift him one, and if I do, he will probably never use it. I love him anyway. And he already has a nickname elsewhere on the web, and I'm not going to use it here because privacy. So: Mr. Too-Ticky it'll be. [We're not married.]

Why yes, I am drinking wine. Want some?
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:02 PM on March 10, 2016 [19 favorites]


I am tempted to refer to my husband as "Mr. T," but usually just default to "Mr Telophase." Maybe one day I'll call him Anaphase.
posted by telophase at 3:07 PM on March 10, 2016 [11 favorites]


Always referred to the kid as Kabanos Jr., even when he was just a little pig in a blanket.
posted by Kabanos at 3:07 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


After digging through the archives, it seems I've referred to my parents as: "aubilemom and, uh, my dad. I got nothin'."
posted by aubilenon at 3:08 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Honestly, all the Horror at DH makes me want to start using it just to be perverse, but I guess given that my spouse is the very most cis of all the world's cis women it would probably not be a good idea.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:11 PM on March 10, 2016


Who the fuck even cares what other people are called? They're all just figments of our imagination - that's why there not even THERE when I wake up every day in solitary confinement, in this prison for the criminally insane. Jesus get a grip whydontcha.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 3:18 PM on March 10, 2016 [11 favorites]


is it a valid reason to bring a child into the world just so I can refer to it as babbybee? asking for a friend
posted by billiebee at 3:21 PM on March 10, 2016 [14 favorites]


is it a valid reason to bring a child into the world just so I can refer to it as babbybee?

I feel the sudden urge to see a tiny pug in a bee costume.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:33 PM on March 10, 2016 [9 favorites]


The Sydney metafilter crowd has taken to referring to my husband as Mollusc. I'm not 100% sure if they did it off their own bat, or if it was because I told them that I picked my username partly because he goes by Mollusc in a number of places, and I'm funnier than him.
posted by lollusc at 3:39 PM on March 10, 2016 [20 favorites]


My partner is just Mrs Smoke, but my eldest daughter is referred to as "puff" or "little puff" here.
posted by smoke at 3:42 PM on March 10, 2016 [14 favorites]


someday my broth will come
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 3:43 PM on March 10, 2016 [48 favorites]


is it a valid reason to bring a child into the world just so I can refer to it as babbybee? asking for a friend

Babbee formed
posted by Going To Maine at 3:50 PM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


My beloved partner declined all variations, clever or otherwise, of my handle, so I went with "Beloved Partner", which is not clever, but very, very accurate.
posted by librosegretti at 4:06 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Now that they're teenagers, I'm tempted to call them blockheads, but I'll probably keep calling them "my boys".
posted by double block and bleed at 4:27 PM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


I feel the sudden urge to see a tiny pug in a bee costume

As you wish.
posted by billiebee at 4:50 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


whydontcha?

That has name potential!
posted by Oyéah at 4:58 PM on March 10, 2016


likeabroster! how did I not think of this before!
posted by likeatoaster at 5:16 PM on March 10, 2016 [15 favorites]


Little Nom!
posted by Omnomnom at 5:25 PM on March 10, 2016 [9 favorites]


  I suppose I could have referred to my kids as "die kinder chococat" but I usually just use their names.

Getting them across the border into the US would be tough, though.
posted by scruss at 5:26 PM on March 10, 2016 [8 favorites]


I just had a vision of some guy in solitary confinement in a prison for the criminally insane, and the weirdest part was that I had an urge to vote him #1.
posted by languagehat at 5:28 PM on March 10, 2016 [11 favorites]


What I want to know is, is there an East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 Junior?
posted by Liesl at 5:38 PM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]


Or perhaps an East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion 2014? One can always hope the dream lives on.
posted by Liesl at 5:38 PM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]


DW is especially troublesome on the building forums when there is any chance of ambiguity. "Is he talking about Dear Wife, Dish Washer, or Dry Wall?"
posted by Bruce H. at 5:53 PM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]


Drain Waste and Domestic Water are also commonly confused.
posted by a halcyon day at 5:56 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


I have considered using Tavejack, cringed and changed to Mr Tav. I also hate the word husband so I sometimes just use 'my partner' which I dislike marginally less. All of this may simply have been in comments which I composed, edited, ruminated over and deleted so are actually posted only on the imaginary Metafilter on which I am am an insightful and prolific poster.

/hang-ups
/over thinking
posted by tavegyl at 6:22 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]


I've used Mr. Beti but it's not super exciting. (I been considering closing this account and making a new one after pdfgate so I'll keep the potential new names for Mr. Beti in mind.) I supposed I could use Beto. And we only have a dog, goats and chickens and they only ever lurk so I won't out them.
posted by Beti at 6:51 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Beti, for what it's worth your username, pronounced bay-tee, is Urdu/ Hindi for daughter, but also used to address much younger people one is close to or fond of. I had even assumed from it that you were of South Asian origin. Anyway the male equivalent in Urdu is, for what it's worth, 'beta'.
posted by tavegyl at 6:59 PM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


That's funny, tavegyl, I'm actually as WASPy as they come. It's actually from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. Interesting language differences though - if I read Beta as a handle around here, I'd assume female.
posted by Beti at 7:08 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Now that they're teenagers, I'm tempted to call them blockheads, but I'll probably keep calling them "my boys".
posted by double block and bleed at 11:27 AM on March 11 [3 favorites +] [!]


Surely they are "chips off the old block"?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:09 PM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]


It's a valve joke, not a woodworking joke.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:21 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


I believe I usually use MrDrLith for my enspousinator, but I can't believe I've never thought to refer to the sproggen as neolithics.
posted by drlith at 8:34 PM on March 10, 2016 [10 favorites]


I use 'the other anachronism' for my partner, and some variation on 'baby/toddler/child anachronism' for our daughter. Maybe 'girl anachronism' at some point?

On other platforms he is a variation on 'wolf' and she is a variation on 'rabbit'. It's fancied up but one of my other most used names is in effect 'marriedandmamato1' just SUPER fancy and nerdy.
posted by geek anachronism at 9:38 PM on March 10, 2016


I made a huge faux pas at a meetup when I called a woman who I thought was fuq's gf fuqgirl.
posted by brujita at 11:11 PM on March 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


I kind of wish I were married because, well, you know what name I would use as a reference here on Metafilter. But sometimes I feel perhaps that isn't a good reason to get married. Then I drink more until that feeling goes away.
posted by Justinian at 11:12 PM on March 10, 2016 [9 favorites]


I have a friend in another community with a really great set of family internet names. I don't want to invoke them directly for privacy's sake, but I can say he earned his handle in college when a girl he'd met at a bar completely and hilariously butchered his last name by swapping some consonants around. If you use a different first syllable with his original handle, you get a woman's name, so that's what he calls his wife. When he told us that they were expecting their first child, one of our mutual friends immediately declared that the kid's prefix was obviously μ. Which scans and rhymes better if you know the names involved, but again, privacy!
posted by Alterscape at 11:30 PM on March 10, 2016


... hilariously butchered his last name by swapping some consonants around.

Reminds me of Kenfucky Tried Chicken. Finger lickin' good.
posted by Bruce H. at 12:19 AM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


In case it's of use in constructing pseudonyms: the Hungarian mathematician Paul Erdős, eponymously referred to in the Erdős number concept that eventually became Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, called children "epsilons", ε/epsilon being the conventional mathematical name for a vanishingly small quantity.
posted by XMLicious at 1:08 AM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


Technically, its appropriate when my mother calls me beta - i am her first prototype thrown out in the wild.
posted by infini at 2:19 AM on March 11, 2016 [4 favorites]


sciatrix: maybe your other half can be Scia-Mx. like "skaia mix", as though your partner is a ready-to-bake universe or something.

soups: are you waiting to be be-brothed?
posted by divabat at 2:55 AM on March 11, 2016 [5 favorites]


ensoupsenated
posted by billiebee at 3:11 AM on March 11, 2016 [7 favorites]


My wife says she should be known as Prima.

I say if that's what she wants she shoulda married that jerk Secundus.
posted by Segundus at 4:43 AM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


My spouse has their own username and I don't think I've ever tried a family-nickname gambit with them, but I know I've called my child the Scatterkitten at least once.
posted by Scattercat at 4:53 AM on March 11, 2016 [7 favorites]


Whenever I have sex with someone I call them itemfucker. It is absolutely adorable.
posted by item at 3:08 AM on March 10


I tried it with mine but... it did not sound as adorable as I had hoped.
posted by some loser at 5:38 AM on March 11, 2016 [11 favorites]


I've considered using MossStitch for my husband, because American moss stitch is essentially a doubled version of seed stitch, but only knitters would understand the reference (and it's still not perfect, because what we call seed stitch in America is called moss stitch in England). I've used BabyStitch and ToddlerStitch for my daughters but will probably default to something like FirstStitch and SecondStitch as they get bigger.
posted by SeedStitch at 5:50 AM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


I suppose I could refer to my wife as grumpybearbride. She'd like that, I think, seeing as I won a bear bride in a claw machine once and we entertained ourselves by making it say "BEAR BRIDE! BEAR BRIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!"
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:55 AM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


I think I have used "my in-house co-mefite" or something similar. In-house resources rock.
posted by Namlit at 8:44 AM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


This is kind of the reverse, but my dad's online handle forever and ever was 'raesdad'. I'm Rae, or rachael (rachaelfaith is first + middle.)
posted by rachaelfaith at 8:51 AM on March 11, 2016


I live alone, so I can call my non-other(s) "mightnot" and "shouldnot".
posted by mightshould at 8:53 AM on March 11, 2016 [4 favorites]


I'll use Mrs Fry or Kids Fry or Fry Family. ... Which is always weird too me as some of my family is on metafilter including some substantially more famous mefites but I don't want to rope them into an awkward askme answer.
posted by French Fry at 9:51 AM on March 11, 2016


I refer to my husband as Mr Ant. We don't have kids, but if we did I suppose they'd be the larvae or pupae or something.

*shudder*
posted by workerant at 10:39 AM on March 11, 2016 [5 favorites]


....Okay, know how I was talking about my on-the-site term for my father being PaterCallipygos, and how I realized that was kinda weird? I just realized that there is an IRL reversal of that:

IRL my father goes by "Dick", and he's always been a pretty informal guy - when he was assistant coach for my brother's little league team, he would always encourage the kids to call him Dick instead of "Mr. LastName". It took a couple of re-assertions but most kids got it. With one kid, though, you could tell that he had been drilled into calling all adults "Mr. Something" or "Mrs. Something", and finally the kid one day called him "Mr. Dick" out of desperation. That of course struck all the other coaches as hilarious, and my father has been known as "Mr. Dick" ever since.

And that means, IRL, my mother has sometimes been introduced to people as "Mrs. Dick" and I have been introduced as "Miss Dick".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:49 AM on March 11, 2016 [4 favorites]


My dad's initials are IBG and his younger brother's UBG which is how they're known in their circles.

Once at their sister's house, a guest was introduced to dad as "And this is my elder brother" so guest says "Ah, UBG?" and dad goes, "No, IBG"
posted by infini at 10:56 AM on March 11, 2016 [4 favorites]


I guess I could refer to my partner as iliacus, but that's a bit precious, innit?
posted by psoas at 2:13 PM on March 11, 2016 [9 favorites]


No, it's perfect!
posted by ocherdraco at 2:22 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


I refer to my lovely as Mrs Sky.

The one that makes people laugh in real life is that I refer to my mother in law and not mother in law (sister in laws, deceased husband 's mother) whose life I'm fairly involved in.

Mrs Sky does have an account, and I don't recall of her coming up with anything cute.

My future children will be different types of clouds I think :D
posted by AlexiaSky at 2:30 PM on March 11, 2016



soups: are you waiting to be be-brothed?


the most accurate mental image I can possibly give is sort of a mix of The Lady of Shallot but it's a perpetually steaming bowl of chicken noodle, like if Andy Warhol had a Pre-Raphaelite period and some really good drugs

curses are very strange things
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 3:00 PM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


the most accurate mental image I can possibly give is sort of a mix of The Lady of Shallot but it's a perpetually steaming bowl of chicken noodle, like if Andy Warhol had a Pre-Raphaelite period and some really good drugs

There aren't any onion in Chicken Noodle.
posted by Going To Maine at 3:13 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


French Fry, surely your kids are the small fry?
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 3:39 PM on March 11, 2016 [8 favorites]


It always seems like my SO should have another of David Ryder's many names but I can't ever decide which one. (Gristle McThornbody?)
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 4:12 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


I always think I'll call stet "librarino" but whenever I type it out it doesn't look right. And anyway he's stet.
posted by librarina at 5:35 PM on March 11, 2016


I don't have a So, but if I did I'd call her 1fb918a3f3439c85732d1de5e7ffa42d of course.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 6:02 PM on March 11, 2016 [5 favorites]


the three ants that compose my online persona are queens so I refer to our significant others as the three winged males who MATED with us and then DIED
posted by threeants at 7:51 PM on March 11, 2016 [6 favorites]


Whenever I see people using 'DH' I assume they are gritting their teeth when they do so. Or just too polite to publicly call their spouse a dickhead.

I don't think I call my kids anything here but 'daughter/s' or 'son' or just plain 'kids', perhaps because my username really doesn't lend itself to anything other than being forgotten.
posted by dg at 8:58 PM on March 11, 2016 [2 favorites]


I'm surprised no one has mentioned Ralph as yet.
posted by adamvasco at 9:04 PM on March 11, 2016


My spouse has her own (seldom-used) username here, so no fun to be had there, really.

My spouse has an account too, but it has never stopped me from referring to him as Mr. Epps, (not either of our names in real life). My daughter is Li'l Epps. Not the most original, but I like that in the tiny fictional world of how I talk about our family on Metafilter, we have matching names. (Not only did I not change my name when I got married, neither had any of our parents, including step.)

My husband says he only uses the super-boring "my wife" or "my spouse". I have referred to myself, once, on his account as "Mrs. Mbrubeck", though. I still think it's hilarious to assume that the mashed on initial is part of the last name. Maybe something about the way it sounds...
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:53 PM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


Given that we already have a MrZero and a GuyZero here, I tend to just refer to my husband as "my husband". I get into enough trouble without accidentally enspousing random MeFites.
posted by ninazer0 at 11:25 PM on March 11, 2016 [2 favorites]


I'm going to refer to my pet sea cow as crossovermanatee
posted by crossoverman at 4:16 AM on March 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


I just call him my +1 even though he now finally has his own mefi acct. The kid, I don't know what to call him just yet.
posted by sciencegeek at 4:59 AM on March 12, 2016


I don't thing I've ever had occasion to use it, but I'm filing away enjoymoredaddy-o for future use w/r/t my father.
posted by enjoymoreradio at 6:02 AM on March 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


My daughter is Li'l Epps.
posted by Margalo Epps


Eppaulette?
posted by workerant at 6:27 AM on March 12, 2016 [3 favorites]



Whenever I have sex with someone I call them itemfucker. It is absolutely adorable


I am stealing this. I will no longer refer to my partner as mr. inertia, but intertiafucker. He's gonna love it.
posted by inertia at 12:10 PM on March 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


I could call my kids the Little Mouthbreathers.
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 1:02 PM on March 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Given that I live in not very multicultural Finland, there's a high probability that any future partner worthy of dragging into mefi would be fin'd or finis'd
posted by infini at 1:55 PM on March 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


It always seems like my SO should have another of David Ryder's many names but I can't ever decide which one. (Gristle McThornbody?)

BOB JOHNSON.
posted by chainsofreedom at 2:37 PM on March 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I call my daddy Slarty, it seems appropriate.

He's always embarrassing me on the web...
posted by Baby Bartfast at 7:05 PM on March 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


QUIT SCREWING AROUND ON MY COMPUTER AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:12 PM on March 12, 2016 [11 favorites]


though my other half and I don't really dig on the whole marriage idea and so haven't partaken, I have occasionally referred to him as Mr 5_13. He probably wouldn't be thrilled with that, but he's not into the whole meta thing either, so I think I'm safe.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:01 PM on March 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Babybel is my cheesy little son.
posted by bluebelle at 8:43 PM on March 13, 2016 [9 favorites]


I've pretty consistently referred to my spouse as Mrs. Plinth. She found it entertaining.

When my mom was still alive, at one point she got tired of using our last name for reservations or for phone orders. The problem is that even though our last name is really easy to spell and has straightforward letters, it gets consistently mispronounced and misspelled over the phone.

Case in point: when I was born (my mom's 3rd), my dad was an old hand at the whole waiting part (this was the era when men weren't really involved in the whole birthing process) and wandered off to get a cup of coffee. He found a broken coffee maker in a break room that had been badly and incorrectly repaired by a doctor with medical tape. My dad, an electrical engineer, proceeded to dismantle it and repair it properly.

Meantime, I was well on my way. They sent out a nurse to get my dad and she said, "time to come in Mr. <LastNameThatWasn'tOurNameButSoundedClose>". As it turns out, there was another husband in the waiting room who had a name that wasn't our last name but sounded close. He went into to the delivery room, got a pretty good view of my mom and exclaimed, "that's not my wife!" to which my mom responded in horror, "that's not my husband."

Now, is this the reason that, some 16 years later, my mom decided to completely eschew using our last name for reservations or for phone orders? Was is just passive aggressive because she and my dad were on the outs at that point? We won't know those answers, but I can tell you that my mom didn't tell us that she had made this shift. For example, mom sent me to go pick up pizza that she had ordered for dinner (nobody delivered that I knew of). I show up and ask for the order. They look at the boxes and say, "nope." "Are you sure? My mom ordered 2 large." "Nothing under that name." Luckily I had a dime and I got on the payphone and gave her a call. "Mom, they don't have anything for us at Rosa and Sal's. Did you call it in to a different place?" She answered in her indignant voice, "I. Most. Certainly. Did. Not. Ask again." "No, mom, they were pretty clear that they didn't have any orders under <our name>" "Oh! That's because I ordered it under 'Kelly'." Right. I should have known that. I just forgot to read your mind.

Pretty much from then on, any orders were under 'Kelly'. A few decades later, I brought a girlfriend to have a nice dinner out with her and she picked a place and made reservations. We got there first, but to be sure I checked for a reservation for 3 under 'Kelly'. "Yes, of course, please come with me."
posted by plinth at 4:53 AM on March 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


I call my husband Mr. McCatburglar and my son Toddler McCatburglar. Pretty straightforward. But I'm glad I chose lollymccatburglar as a username instead of my other favorite: Thor Bumhammer. Calling my husband Mr. Bumhammer is just... TMI.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 6:45 AM on March 14, 2016 [11 favorites]


We were dirt poor when we finally got an account and it was supposed to be shared. Which is illegal and immoral, I know. But I was new!

He never uses it anyway though because he is the lurkiest of lurkers, who had been lurking for years before he ever introduced the site to me. But technically I am only HALF of team gerstle.
posted by gerstle at 7:31 AM on March 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


> I call my husband Mr. McCatburglar and my son Toddler McCatburglar.

I'm glad you found a system you like, but I'm sad your son isn't McKittenburglar.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:50 AM on March 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


We were dirt poor when we finally got an account and it was supposed to be shared.

You're going to be able to tell kids "When I was young I could only afford half of a social media account, which you all take for granted as free these days! Our identities were intermixed, up hill both ways, and we liked it!"
posted by XMLicious at 9:09 AM on March 14, 2016 [11 favorites]


"by dialup modem"
posted by infini at 12:44 PM on March 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


I refer to my wife as Mrs. Frogs... But only here, and only for convenience, because she has her own name. (At our wedding my brother introduced us as "Mr. And Mrs. [My Name]" which annoyed me, because she changed her LAST name, not her first name - and that largely because her maiden name was long and German and consistently misspelled and mispronounced... More often than not, folks pronounced the first syllable as "shit-" rather than the correct "shied-")

The kid... Used to refer to him as the tadpole, but he's grown some and probably metamorphosed by now so perhaps "froglet" is better at this stage
posted by caution live frogs at 7:12 AM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I haven't found one that I liked yet. I used Mr. Rose once, but that seems too real-namey. For a while, I was very fond of "boyperson", but alas, "fianceperson" doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Lately, I've been calling him my beau, which is again, all right, but still not my favorite. We'll see what actually sticks after the wedding. (Any suggestions?)

No kids, but I'd probably call them the "little roses", the buds, or some other gardening/birthstone pun.
posted by PearlRose at 12:52 PM on March 16, 2016


Mrs. Creature
The Little Creatures
Creature Estate
Etc
posted by Doleful Creature at 7:42 AM on March 18, 2016


As you know I coined Husbunny for my husband, (although he has his own handle here). I once referred to Aubergine's SO as Courgette.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:30 AM on March 18, 2016


Fizz: Currently single but if I were to marry, I'm sure some variation on Mrs. Fizz would be appropriate

MizFizz.
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:35 PM on March 18, 2016


Fizz: Currently single but if I were to marry, I'm sure some variation on Mrs. Fizz would be appropriate

dlugoczaj: MizFizz.

Ms. Frizzle.
posted by duffell at 3:38 PM on March 18, 2016


dudeonymph?
posted by pseudonymph at 4:19 AM on March 20, 2016 [4 favorites]


Looking at the favorites on a recent comment-rant I just noticed both a Hermione Granger and a Hermione Dies, which was a bit startling. No idea if they are related or associated; these are the only two MeFi's with Hermione in their name. And perhaps surprisingly, there's only one name containing Harry Potter.
posted by Wordshore at 1:44 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


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