Thread killer! Thread killer in the night. I can kill a thread more than any troll would ever dare try-y.

August 19, 2007 2:40 PM

Statistics on thread killers? A lot of people seem to think that they're usually the last ones to post in a thread and I would like this settled once and for all, especially since I thought I'm up for contention, especially recently. Consider this a sort of reverse popularity contest
posted by Deathalicious to MetaFilter-Related at 2:40 PM (111 comments total)

A treat for all you haters
posted by Deathalicious at 2:44 PM on August 19, 2007

Cheer up. It's just the end of a thread, not the world.
posted by IronLizard at 2:47 PM on August 19, 2007

Basically, it would not be that hard for someone with database access to do something like

SELECT username, count(postid)
FROM
users as u1, posts as p1
where
p1.userid=users.userid and
p1.postid >=
( select max(postid) from posts as p2 where p2.threadid=p1.threadid)
group by username
order by 2 desc

And then output the results somehow. Of course, then there's the question of adjusting for total number of posts, maybe something ugly like

SELECT username, ( select count(postid)
FROM
posts as p1
where
p1.userid=u1.userid and
p1.postid >= ( select max(postid) from posts as p2 where p2.threadid=p1.threadid)) / ( select count(postid)
FROM
posts as p3
where
p3.userid=u1.userid)
from users as u1
order by 2 desc
posted by Deathalicious at 2:50 PM on August 19, 2007

There's a difference between killing a thread and dancing on its grave. The last poster in a thread usually isn't the one who gave it the coup de grâce.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:57 PM on August 19, 2007

"Consider this a sort of reverse popularity contest"

I'd comment in this thread, but I have no idea who Deathalicious is.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:01 PM on August 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Honestly, it would probably just be a list of people who read farther down on the front page than everyone else. Weeks when I'm really bored at work, I find myself "killing" the threads I comment in more often than not.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:04 PM on August 19, 2007

When my reaction is rather critical I tend to suppress it and in case I happen to be around when the thread is well spent and all the afficionado's had their moment of bonding I make my critical comment.
Is that considerate or overthinking?

(congrats on the circonflex Steven den Beste, dutchman by name. You're evil twin is Steven den Slechtste.)
posted by jouke at 3:05 PM on August 19, 2007

I did this once before. At the time, I must also have thought it seemed like an interesting idea.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:11 PM on August 19, 2007

Now I've got goddamned Rob Halford stuck in my ear shrieking about "He! Is! The threadkiller!"
posted by Wolfdog at 3:19 PM on August 19, 2007

Burhanistan writes "You know why dogs smell people's crotches?"

Because their owners have trained them to deliver oral sex.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:39 PM on August 19, 2007 [2 favorites]

Let's not.

Oh but let's. Failure to expand your horizons will turn you into one of the zombie hordes of pretentious dullards we've been so plagued with lately.

Besides, metrics are really really neat.
posted by Ryvar at 3:47 PM on August 19, 2007

you lost mathowie at SELECT username.
posted by quonsar at 4:03 PM on August 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Honorable mention to the Metatalk thread with a dozen odd comments, all by the OP.
posted by Mitheral at 4:15 PM on August 19, 2007

Can someone build me a machine which will gaze into my navel for me?
posted by Eideteker at 4:35 PM on August 19, 2007 [5 favorites]

I actually do this, but not here. There's another message board where I am indeed the kiss of death for any thread.

Eponysterical?
posted by cobaltnine at 4:42 PM on August 19, 2007

Honorable mention to the Metatalk thread with a dozen odd comments, all by the OP.

That was Jim Jones.

posted by carsonb at 5:25 PM on August 19, 2007

<small> nested in blockquote worked for me.

posted by carsonb at 5:26 PM on August 19, 2007

Last
posted by strawberryviagra at 5:37 PM on August 19, 2007

You know why dogs smell people's crotches?

Same reason I do, I guess - they smell sexy.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:44 PM on August 19, 2007

I'd say the threadkiller trophy would go to one of the admins.
posted by konolia at 5:48 PM on August 19, 2007

Last comment.
posted by found missing at 5:57 PM on August 19, 2007

That means the threadkiller crotchsmeller trophy goes to the guy with the hat.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 5:58 PM on August 19, 2007

"That means the threadkiller crotchsmeller trophy goes to the guy with the hat."

Hat Maui?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:07 PM on August 19, 2007

I was wondering this for a while but decided it was observation bias, since I notice it most on threads I find interesting, which are also the ones where I keep commenting long after anyone else cares.

So, I prefer to think of it not that I killed the thread, but that I lingered lovingly by its deathbed as it drew its last breath.

Or maybe I'm totally wrong and am a merciless thread killer who should be locked up for the good of society.
posted by salvia at 7:41 PM on August 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'll bet you good money that threadkilling correlates strongly with use of the My Comments function. Beyond that, I'd be surprised if any significant number of users came out as significantly above-average killers; I can think of a handful of people who tend to do late updates to newsy threads (amberglow's nick keeps popping up in a poli thread now and then, aggregating links), but that's about it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:25 PM on August 19, 2007

I'll bet you good money that threadkilling correlates strongly with use of the My Comments function, combined with living somewhere like Australia, where you're still commenting on threads after all the Americans have gone to sleep.

When the Americans get up the next day, they usually move on to the latest posts. One or two might use My Comments, see that the thread has been embiggened & add another thought or two, whereupon you respond, and eventually you're the last man standing.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:46 PM on August 19, 2007

I bet I'm the most round-the-clock user.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:50 AM on August 20, 2007

Ah, but nothing about being in an off timezone makes lastwordism any easier when there is My Comments.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:13 AM on August 20, 2007

dead yet?
posted by Carbolic at 10:22 AM on August 20, 2007

Heh.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:42 AM on August 20, 2007

Shoot!
posted by Carbolic at 12:34 PM on August 20, 2007

You people are amateurs.
posted by dersins at 12:58 PM on August 20, 2007

That's what she said.
posted by Carbolic at 1:43 PM on August 20, 2007

There's a difference between killing a thread and dancing on its grave.

indeed, although I am often unsure which I am doing, as I tend to end many threads, but at a point when other less dawdle-y people have most likely just moved on to something else... but perhaps because I make some annoyingly long-winded comment that no one really wants to bother responding to. Or, perhaps because I just summed everything up so perfectly no one felt the need to comment further! That's my preferred interpretation. It is, of course, harder to maintain this belief since the introduction of favorites, but I have my ways. Oh, yes I do.
posted by mdn at 1:47 PM on August 20, 2007

I just kind of kick them when they're down. That usually does the trick.
posted by dabitch at 2:13 PM on August 20, 2007

I think DU is the 2007 champ for being first to comment. Now one of you nerds go and prove me right.
posted by Mister_A at 2:29 PM on August 20, 2007

NecroPhilter!
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:02 PM on August 20, 2007

Said Bligh: "I bet I'm the most round-the-clock user."

There's an unnecessary L up there.

And UbuRoivas used an N-word!

Sometimes I love Metatalk.
posted by davy at 10:34 PM on August 20, 2007

(Dammit, I don't like looking at pictures of yucky sores or disgusting activities so I never bother to post links to them.)
posted by davy at 10:36 PM on August 20, 2007

And I'm not much of a fan of necro-bestial-BDSM, so I won't post a link to davy's webcam.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:15 PM on August 20, 2007

Your mom.
posted by Carbolic at 5:46 AM on August 21, 2007

You mom's mom.
posted by FunkyHelix at 7:22 AM on August 21, 2007

Yo greasy, greasy grandaddy.
posted by Carbolic at 9:18 AM on August 21, 2007

So, have I been accused of misogyny lately?
posted by davy at 2:20 PM on August 21, 2007

that depends. have you stopped beating up your girlfriend yet?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:08 PM on August 21, 2007

I wasn't asking YOU, Ubu.
posted by davy at 3:45 PM on August 21, 2007

Yeah, but if you can't converse with the one you love, love the one you buRoivas.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:49 PM on August 21, 2007

I wasn't asking YOU, Ubu.

Sit, Ubu, sit.
posted by IronLizard at 5:31 PM on August 21, 2007

I'm sitting already. What now? Would you like to know what I'm wearing?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:42 PM on August 21, 2007

What? No one remembers the guy with the typewriter on PBS? (Was it PBS?)
posted by IronLizard at 9:09 PM on August 21, 2007

I remember, IronLizard. I remember like crazy.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:26 PM on August 21, 2007

What? No one remembers the guy with the typewriter on PBS? (Was it PBS?)

It wasn't PBS. And the guy with the typewriter was different. That was Stephen J. Cannell.

Oh, and Wendell remembers.
posted by dersins at 9:35 PM on August 21, 2007

me ftw, btw.
posted by dersins at 9:36 PM on August 21, 2007

Well, at least I have the right decade. Whatever it was.
posted by IronLizard at 9:50 PM on August 21, 2007

Just to show how confused I am, here's the other typewriter guy that was on PBS.
posted by IronLizard at 9:53 PM on August 21, 2007

Is this something I'd need a TV.....
posted by Carbolic at 8:49 AM on August 22, 2007

You're all a bunch of Nazis.

Last post. BAM!
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 4:20 PM on August 23, 2007

You're all a bunch of Nazis.


I'm thinking of committing genocide on the blurb in your profile.

Fyi.
posted by dersins at 5:01 PM on August 23, 2007

Should I turn out the lights?
posted by Carbolic at 2:09 PM on August 24, 2007

That'd make it damned hard to read.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:12 PM on August 24, 2007

My monitor provides plenty of illumination, so turn off whatever you want.
posted by dersins at 2:20 PM on August 24, 2007

I'd be interested in seeing if there's any consistency to comments that jump the shark so to speak. With posts in the Blue, posts past their peak seem to die off, get sidetracked on sidebar topics or someone's controversial comment, or just get stupid. So is there any pattern to the comments that mark the plateau of posts?
posted by junesix at 3:56 PM on August 24, 2007

MeFites can read??!! Also, I'd like to know which post marks the plateau of stupid.
posted by Carbolic at 8:55 AM on August 27, 2007

Most of us can't read, really, but we sure can type. Lord, yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:03 AM on August 27, 2007

I'd like to know which post marks the plateau of stupid.

This one.
posted by dersins at 10:12 AM on August 27, 2007

Let's try and keep it that way.
posted by Carbolic at 10:17 AM on August 28, 2007

let's try to keep your FACE that way
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:22 AM on August 28, 2007

Let's try and keep cortex's MOM that way.

and by "that way" I mean "in mathowie's dungeon."
posted by dersins at 10:40 AM on August 28, 2007

Hey, man. He pays union scale+, the benefits are good, she enjoys the work, and none of the masochists leave disappointed. It's a good gig.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:56 AM on August 28, 2007

union scale

And to think I doubted you...
posted by dersins at 12:45 PM on August 28, 2007

Is some admin going to post last in here and close the thread. x21D1; x21D1 ; 8657;
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:55 PM on August 29, 2007

Don't try to hypmotize me with your voodoo codes, man.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:58 PM on August 29, 2007

voodoo veve.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:09 AM on August 30, 2007

May the desert winds blow a pissed off scorpion into your undershorts.
posted by Carbolic at 1:13 PM on August 30, 2007

Hey, screw you, buddy. I don't want no scorpion in my undies.
posted by dersins at 12:21 AM on August 31, 2007

Rattlesnake?
posted by Carbolic at 8:45 AM on September 4, 2007

Snoopy's cousin Spike.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:49 AM on September 4, 2007

Also, he was from Needles.

It's fucking hot there in the summer.
posted by dersins at 9:59 AM on September 5, 2007

so hot
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:12 AM on September 5, 2007

really hot
posted by Carbolic at 12:03 PM on September 5, 2007

feelin' hot hot hot
posted by dersins at 1:03 PM on September 5, 2007

CLOTHESIST!
posted by dersins at 12:00 PM on September 6, 2007

Wait, you want me to close this?
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:02 PM on September 6, 2007

Only if you're happy to be known as a cheater.
posted by dersins at 12:06 PM on September 6, 2007

Your mother is happy to be known biblically.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:18 PM on September 6, 2007

Without pants where do we keep the fish?
posted by Carbolic at 1:09 PM on September 6, 2007

In mathowie's dungeon with cortex's mom.
posted by dersins at 1:18 PM on September 6, 2007

Or just bring your crab cracker.
posted by dersins at 5:12 PM on September 6, 2007

How close am I going to have to watch this? Do none of you have a life??
posted by Carbolic at 10:23 PM on September 10, 2007

Define "a life."
posted by dersins at 10:49 PM on September 10, 2007

Technically, depriving you of the last comment falls within my job description.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:38 AM on September 11, 2007

Hay guise, watcha dooin?
posted by yhbc at 9:07 AM on September 11, 2007

Hangin'.

You?
posted by dersins at 9:21 AM on September 11, 2007

Man this forum has legs.
posted by Deathalicious at 6:54 PM on September 11, 2007

This legs-man has fora.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 PM on September 11, 2007

Sitting in a forum waiting for the end to come.
Threadless tee-shirt, stupid bloody Wednesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your thread grow long.
I am the legs-man, they are the legs-men.
posted by dersins at 8:53 AM on September 12, 2007

And so we kept
The thread alive
A line a day
A-talkin' jive

We all live in a twenty-day-old thread
A twenty-day-old thread
A twenty-day-old thread
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:13 AM on September 12, 2007

Everybody sing along now...
posted by dersins at 1:00 PM on September 12, 2007

la-la-la-la-la-laaaaa...
posted by Carbolic at 2:03 PM on September 12, 2007

I meant everybody who's not Carbolic...
posted by dersins at 4:45 PM on September 12, 2007

I dated a Carbolic girl once, but she was way too pent-up. Cute school uniform, though.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:55 PM on September 12, 2007

Cute school uniform, though.

something like this?
posted by dersins at 5:04 PM on September 12, 2007

That product doesn't work.
posted by Carbolic at 6:41 AM on September 14, 2007

This whole courtroom is doesn't work!
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:40 AM on September 14, 2007

Just like us, amirite?
posted by dersins at 8:40 AM on September 14, 2007

dersins, your mom is worried. She said to ask you to answer your phone. She'll be busy for a few, but call soon.
posted by Carbolic at 12:27 PM on September 15, 2007

A few is right.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:37 PM on September 15, 2007

A very small few, IYKWIM.

By the way, my mom's a minister, so you guys are pretty much going straight to hell.

FYI.
posted by dersins at 2:03 PM on September 15, 2007

Yeah, well, my mom's Catholic and my dad's Jewish, so I was damned if I do, damned I don't from the get go.

So it's not really that big a deal if I'm damned if I do your mom.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:12 PM on September 15, 2007

Your mom's Catholic? No wonder she looked so natural in that uniform.
posted by dersins at 2:34 PM on September 15, 2007

and out of it, iykwim.
posted by dersins at 3:31 PM on September 15, 2007