Planning a MetaFilter survey

September 3, 2015 11:13 AM

Inspired by this post about the XKCD Survey and this comment by The Underwear Monster, I thought it might be fun to do a Big MeFi Survey along the same lines - mostly goofy questions that we can sic our local datawranglers on and see what fun, weird, fascinating things drop out.

I've started putting it together already. I'm envisioning maybe 5-10 basic demographic type questions (age, education, nationality, stuff like that), maybe 10-15 questions about MeFi (signup date, do you read logged in or logged out, favorite subsite, etc) and then a bunch of random questions that I'd like you all to help with. You can leave your question ideas here in the thread, or MeMail/email me. I won't promise that I'll include all your suggestions, but I'm open to any and all ideas. If you'd like to help organize and assemble the survey (I'm using Google Forms) let me know.

A couple of caveats:
1. The survey will be anonymous and all questions will be optional, but I'm planning to make the data available to any MeFites that think they can do something fun with it, and I suppose it would be possible to deduce identities by correlating your demographic/MeFi answers with Infodumpster data, MeFi scraped data, or whatever. If that is a concern, you can leave questions blank or not complete the survey.

2. The questions will be silly and frivolous, but I think the fun is to be had in manipulating the data, not in giving clever but useless answers. If you are inclined to answer HURF DURF SURVEY EATER to every question, I beg you to reconsider.

3. There is no MeFi Human Research IRB as far as I know, and I am not a professional surveyer (or surveyor for that matter). If you are a professional at this and have suggestions about how to make the survey more fun and entertaining, I would love to hear them. This survey is intended for entertainment purposes only. This survey is not an official product of MetaFilter Industries or any of its affiliates. Consult your doctor if your survey lasts four hours or longer.

I plan to close question suggestions sometime on Friday, Sept 11th and I'll make a new MeTa to announce the opening of the survey on or about Monday the 14th.

posted by Rock Steady to MetaFilter-Related at 11:13 AM (318 comments total)

then a bunch of random questions that I'd like you all to help with

• Sit or stand?
• What color are the subsites?
• Have you met a Mefite in person?
• Ever made a post?

posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:29 AM on September 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

Cats will be had. And beans.
posted by Namlit at 11:29 AM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Q) Legs shaved?
posted by bondcliff at 11:30 AM on September 3, 2015

Oo, yeah, shoes off or shoes on in the house (and is it seasonal)?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:30 AM on September 3, 2015 [14 favorites]

We should round up a few of those "you never realized there was another way to do it" threads and cull questions from there.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:32 AM on September 3, 2015 [31 favorites]

When you visualize the plate of beans, are they black, pinto, wax, kidney, green, Lima, navy or refried? (Refried or gtfo)
posted by zeusianfog at 11:33 AM on September 3, 2015 [28 favorites]

sleep vikings
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:34 AM on September 3, 2015 [14 favorites]

Fold or Crumple?
posted by Rumple at 11:40 AM on September 3, 2015

Wings: flats or drums?
posted by chococat at 11:40 AM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

how do you peel a banana?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:40 AM on September 3, 2015

Oh this is cool.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 11:41 AM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

plz include a large subsection on regionally divisive food preferences
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:41 AM on September 3, 2015 [10 favorites]

Ask culture or Guess culture?
posted by xbonesgt at 11:43 AM on September 3, 2015 [16 favorites]

TATERS?
posted by trunk muffins at 11:46 AM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Do you remove your hat when you come in the house?

Fedoras: mostly good or mostly evil?

You could probably do an entire survey about hats.
posted by Elly Vortex at 11:48 AM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Dumplings: Steamed or fried?
posted by Splunge at 11:55 AM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Stand up to wipe or wipe sitting down?
Yellow or brown mustard?
What do you call the little strip of grass near the curb?
Are you a feminist?
Do you have a beard?
How many genders are there?
Do you enjoy the smell of your own farts?
Home fries or hash browns?
Speaking of hash, have you seen any hashish in your area recently?
iPhone or Android?
Innie or Outie?
Parking brake on or off?
National League or American League?
Pick a number between 16 and 18.
Family Guy or Simpsons?
Matt or Jessamyn?
Quality or Quantity?
posted by Rob Rockets at 11:56 AM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

Me-Fie
or
Meffy?
>_>
posted by carsonb at 12:01 PM on September 3, 2015 [9 favorites]

I like the divisive food preferences idea. Tell me more.

Western Carolina Barbecue for the win
posted by Rock Steady at 12:02 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Mac or Windows or Linux?
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:04 PM on September 3, 2015

Do you dare
Disturb the universe?
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:09 PM on September 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

Should you have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas?
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:10 PM on September 3, 2015 [13 favorites]

The Olive Garden is:
[ ] The worst place on Earth. Worse than the bottom of a latrine in a Stalin-era, Siberian gulag.
[ ] Hey, you know, sometimes you just need a predictable place to go with relatives or co-workers. Everyone should just try not to get so worked up about where people decide to eat.
[ ] All of the above.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:10 PM on September 3, 2015 [13 favorites]

Do you grow old ... do you grow old ...
Do you wear the bottoms of your trousers rolled?
(I'm done now.)
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:11 PM on September 3, 2015 [9 favorites]

Your tolerable indoor temperature range? Ideal?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:12 PM on September 3, 2015

Do you work in an office?

Did your father lodge an apple in your back that is still there?
posted by Mr. Yuck at 12:15 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of a cabal?
posted by zombieflanders at 12:16 PM on September 3, 2015 [14 favorites]

Is cortex's pronunciation of "dragon" rad or super rad?
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:16 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

wait do you pronounce it not the normal way?
posted by Rock Steady at 12:18 PM on September 3, 2015

Do you openly tell people that you are a member of MeFi, do you tell only certain people, or is MeFi your own [dirty little shameful] secret?
posted by VioletU at 12:18 PM on September 3, 2015 [9 favorites]

Because I'm imagining that comment in your voice, and because for me the vowel in rad and drag is the same, what I'm hearing from you is:

"Is cortex's pronunciation of "draygun" raid or super raid?"

Don't tell me if I'm wrong.
posted by ocherdraco at 12:20 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Within the overall metafilter population, what quartile to do you suppose you fall into for the following qualities (top quarter, 2nd, 3rd, or bottom)?
Age
Income
Intelligence
etc.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:21 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Me-Fie
or
Meffy?
>_>

Paging the inimitable Dr. iamkimiam!
posted by divined by radio at 12:28 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Imagine two boxes, a red box and a green box. Inside one of the boxes is a treasure. Each box has a label. The red box label says "Only one label is true." The green box label says "The treasure is in this box." Can you tell which box has treasure inside it?

A. The green box
B. The red box
C. No
D. $20 SAIT
posted by carsonb at 12:30 PM on September 3, 2015 [10 favorites]

Have you ever actually voted #1 quidnunc kid?
posted by xqwzts at 12:31 PM on September 3, 2015 [24 favorites]

Costco or Sam's Club?
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:32 PM on September 3, 2015

Red or Green? (Option #3: Christmas)
posted by filthy light thief at 12:42 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ooh, very fun! I like this idea.

With the help of the moderators, I was able to do two large-scale surveys (2010, 2012) for my PhD dissertation about how people from MetaFilter pronounce 'MeFi' (and why that matters, other than being fun to argue about online and otherwheres). I learned a LOT from the process — I'm sure that even if I did 20 more surveys I'd still find countless flaws with my methodology and its implementation.

Rock Steady, if you'd like to chat about this, I'd be happy to email/skype/whatever with you. There were quite a few things I found that helped or hindered response, data processing, validity, etc. I know this isn't for scientific research purposes, so by no means do I want to suck the fun out of it, but if there's any insight I can lend to help make things easier or more fair, I'm happy to discuss.

If anybody is interested in reading about that process, warts and all, the Methodology and Conclusion chapters of the dissertation go into some of the issues in great detail. That said, I'm still discovering some more regrets problems horrifyingly embarrassing mistakes areas for future research, so as lengthy as that document is, it by no means covers all the bases. :/
posted by iamkimiam at 12:44 PM on September 3, 2015 [10 favorites]

Huh, is anybody else seeing the small "Poster" button next to the man of twists and turns even though Rock Steady is the poster?
posted by iamkimiam at 12:48 PM on September 3, 2015

Can I eat this?

Or, more seriously: Have you become friends with any Mefites IRL?
posted by ferret branca at 12:48 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Can you stand the way this is written?

Do you feel you're the only person who feels this way?

Should they DTMFA?

Should they seek therapy?

Did AskMe name your pet/business/child?

Trawling through the history of correlated.org can also help fill in goofy fun questions for data wrangling toy purposes.
posted by Drastic at 1:00 PM on September 3, 2015

Is cortex's pronunciation of "dragon" rad or super rad?

At least he pronounces 'quixotic' correctly.
posted by Quonab at 1:00 PM on September 3, 2015

Can you fold a fitted sheet?

Is cereal a soup?

gefilte fish vs lutefisk?

Mallory Ortberg or Tony Zhou?

Cthulhu or La Chupacabra?
posted by Mchelly at 1:08 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Did you eat that, even though Ask told you not to?
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:09 PM on September 3, 2015 [11 favorites]

- Have you ever peed standing up, you monster?
- pet species of choice?
- what year did you first go on the internet?
- would you watch a reboot of firefly (no whedon, different cast)?
posted by aught at 1:11 PM on September 3, 2015

FAVOURITE APPLE

WHAT IS YOUR STATE WORD VS WHAT YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE

PIZZA FITE

what do you call a water fountain

can u explain in 100 words or less what is wrong with Nashua
posted by poffin boffin at 1:12 PM on September 3, 2015

Wings: with bleu cheese or ranch?
posted by everybody had matching towels at 1:12 PM on September 3, 2015

does anyone else think river tam is fucking annoying or is it just me
posted by poffin boffin at 1:12 PM on September 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

which cheese would you murder a friend or family member in order to have clutched right now in your sweaty cheeseless hands
posted by poffin boffin at 1:13 PM on September 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

who do you suspect as being the newest sockpuppet of tao lin
posted by poffin boffin at 1:13 PM on September 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

Wings: with bleu cheese or ranch?

RANCH??? I just threw up a little in my mouth.
posted by aught at 1:13 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Name the first 5 Mefites that come to mind.
What Mefite username do you always misspell/misread/mispronounce?
But is it Art?
posted by Kabanos at 1:14 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

And at the end of the survey:

Did you lie when answering any of the previous questions?
[ ] Yes
[ ] Maybe
[ ] No

Was your last answer truthful?
[ ] Yes
[ ] Maybe
[ ] No
posted by Kabanos at 1:14 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

How do you pronounce “Bona fides”?

• The right way
• The wrong way
• I don’t.

posted by Going To Maine at 1:15 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Armageddon or Deep Impact?

Breaking Bad or Mad Men?
posted by LizBoBiz at 1:22 PM on September 3, 2015

what mefi favourite show have you never seen and don't care to

which do you hate with a firey burning passion and feel baffled by/embarrassed for all the people who love it
posted by poffin boffin at 1:23 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

We should round up a few of those "you never realized there was another way to do it" threads and cull questions from there.

I bet there is a correlation between people who stand and people who are scared of toilet spiders.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:24 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

I bet there is a correlation between people who stand and people who are scared of toilet spiders.

Thanks for that.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:26 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

What color is the dress?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:32 PM on September 3, 2015 [7 favorites]

I bet there is a correlation between people who stand and people who are scared of toilet spiders.

Thanks for that.

Are you counted as a stander if you never sit in the first place?
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:34 PM on September 3, 2015

Do you wear pants at home, or are you more of the afterpants type?
posted by DingoMutt at 1:37 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Origin of whoopie pies: Pennsylvania or Maine?

Does taking out the trash include replacing the bag or not?

Does your cat like the name Ask MetaFilter gave it?

Where are the snows of yesteryear?

What did you remember when you bit into that madeleine? (Please limit your answer to 140 characters.)
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:38 PM on September 3, 2015 [7 favorites]

I Joseph Conrad fully awesome?
Do you put your faith in Blast Hardcheese?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 1:40 PM on September 3, 2015 [11 favorites]

Do you play trills beginning with the main note or the upper auxiliary?
posted by Namlit at 1:45 PM on September 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

What's your favorite site specific joke/slang? Least favorite?

Would you rather fight one horse sized ducks or a hundred duck sized horses?

What color crayon do you like to eat most?

What's a perfect vacation location?
posted by Deoridhe at 1:51 PM on September 3, 2015

How many Mefites have you slept with?
posted by JanetLand at 1:59 PM on September 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

I bet there is a correlation between people who stand and people who are scared of toilet spiders

My little sister tried to stand once. She made an announcement with a smile on her face. I stopped brushing my teeth and told her that was not a good idea but she did it anyway and cried as it just went all over her legs. I wonder how common that is?

I went to a summer camp when I was eight and there were arachnids all over the walls behind the toilets and I was not going to sit down and have my back to that. I held it for days until it released itself. One solid ball that I threw into the woods. I didn't wash my hands. And that has nothing to with my username.

Thanks for making me remember something to tell at the weekly "Stupid Stories About Your Childhood" session with my son on Friday.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:05 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Hey, what are some inclusive, respectful ways to ask about things like sex, gender identity and sexual orientation that are also number crunchable? Obviously we don't need to know those things (all questions will be optional), and a open text box would probably be the best way, but it doesn't lend itself to sorting. Are there best practices in this area?
posted by Rock Steady at 2:10 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well, there is the Kinsey Scale, and you could do similar scales for 'level of sex drive': 0 = Ace 5 = A threat to anyone within 5 feet; 'how often have you felt you were Born in the Wrong Body': 0 = never 5 = so much I had it changed (although that could apply to other Body Issues); and also 'how many sexual partners have you had in an average year' (to have something you can put a 999 maximum on - also note that if you are ambidextrous, it counts as 2)

Okay, that was less respectful than it was entertaining.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:18 PM on September 3, 2015

I think collecting serious demographic data on people's real-world identity, sexuality, and so on, is a kind of separate thing from the "fun silly questions" part, and deserves some careful thought. In particular how to be sure people understand the risk that their real info would get outed as being connected to them. That's the only part of this that gives me some pause, how the confidentiality or not of that info is handled.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:22 PM on September 3, 2015 [7 favorites]

Best MeFi advice you ignored?
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 2:22 PM on September 3, 2015 [21 favorites]

Favorite non-edible use of cheese
posted by QuakerMel at 2:26 PM on September 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

In my first survey (2010), I had a gender question that had four possible answers: Male, Female, Transgender, Other [fill-in]. It was a disaster, for a whole bunch of reasons. I wish I could go back and change that — I have such regret.

In my 2012 survey, I had a free-form fill-in for the gender question. I had ~1500 surveys, and 370+ unique responses (once I normalized the data, by hand) — that is, over 370 distinct ways that people described their gender identity. Many of these were not even gender identities per se, including but not limited to sexual orientations, attitudes, preferences, gender presentations, medical descriptions. Normalizing the data was hard, and took weeks, but was totally worth it. However, I had some real difficulty in describing these categories in later write-ups. For statistical data analysis, I went with three categories: Male, Female, and a term which I now understand is not appropriate to use and so I won't repeat it here. I wish I could go back and change that — I have such regret.

I would totally recommend doing the free-form fill-in for questions relating to gender, and really anything that is part of one's self-definition; don't force people to put themselves into potentially ill-fitting boxes, no matter how many of them you provide. I would also be careful about how you represent categories after you normalize the data — what you call things really matters to people, and for good reasons. You won't be able to please everybody, but if you can demonstrate that you've given thought to the matter, then that and good faith intentions can go a long way.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:27 PM on September 3, 2015 [13 favorites]

Do You Wipe Forward, Back, or 'Freeform'?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:28 PM on September 3, 2015

Other possible sliding scale questions...

Burritos 0 - never, 1 - Taco Bell, 5 - Chipotle, 6 - only that neighborhood place with a server who speaks no English and artisinal whole grain tortillas (deduct one point for gluten-free tortillas)

Number of Pizza Toppings Required to Make It Edible for You: 1 - 6 (over 6, you're sh!tting me)
sub-question: Reaction to Pineapple on Pizza 1 - take it away! 6 - bring it on!

Number of Favorite Veggies (NOT including Potatoes)

Number of Lay's "Do Us a Flavor" Limited Edition Chip Flavors You Will Admit to Having Eaten
sub-question: Number You Regret Having Eaten

Number of Different Varieties of Cheeses in Your Kitchen Right Now (Shredded and Sliced are NOT considered two varieties)

and a multiple choice:
Hamburger
( ) the perfect sarcasm symbol
( ) require more than Four Guys
( ) one of my Basic Food Groups
( ) not impossible, just unlikely
( ) no cheese? no way.
( ) starring Jerry McConnell (Sliders)
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:33 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Also, some text about why you're asking these personal questions, and a reminder that this part is optional is really important. Maybe even an option to leave a meta comment about how respondents feel about sharing this personal info — that could be really useful toward understanding responses better. Qualitative data are always tricky, but the more info you have to work with, the better equipped you'll be about how to sort/group/normalize/interpret the responses.

Lastly, where you place the personal data questions in the survey can have a positive or negative impact on response rate and openness. There are differing opinions on this, but I found that with MetaFilter at least, it made better sense to me to put the personal questions toward the end of the survey. This I felt gave a positive impression about what was most important to me (pronunciation, and how people felt/thought about it), and was less intrusive overall. Also, once people have invested in other questions and the survey in general, it's easy to finish up with potentially easier questions, and people may be more amenable to sharing at that point.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:35 PM on September 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

argh, one more thing (sorry, I keep thinking of stuff!) … be careful to clarify what you mean when you ask somewhat similar personal identity questions. For example, I asked about 'nationality' and 'ethnicity' on my 2012 survey, both of which were free-form fill-in questions. The responses were super duper interesting, but totally unusable for any sort of quantitative analysis. People from different places, backgrounds, etc. have extremely different understandings of what those terms mean, and then on top of that, answers can be incredibly ambiguous and mutable (same is true with gender questions). Also, the responses demonstrated that many people either find the terms 'ethnicity' and 'nationality' interchangeable, inextricably tied, having swapped meanings, or other interpretations.

For the nationality question, knowing what I know now, I would have been much better off with asking something like, "If you have or would have a current passport, what is or would be the issuing country?" Even that is rife with some problems and doesn't cover 'nationality' completely, but it at least is an agreed-upon metric. Just something to think about.

You can drive yourself crazy worrying about this stuff (ask me how I know), but again, if you can put a little bit of thought into it, you can save yourself some frustration down the road. It still won't be perfect, but it'll be closer to it. :)
posted by iamkimiam at 2:45 PM on September 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

My personal opinion is that submitting questions via private message/memail would be preferable than posting them as thread comments - I'd rather not spend the time between when I read this thread and when the survey is posted thinking about what my possible answers would be.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:47 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Cats:
A) how many do you have?
B) how many did Metafilter name?
C) how DID you get it into your scanner?
D) do you still have scars from pushing a pissed-off cat in a scanner?

Can I eat that:
A) how many 'can I eat that' questions have you asked?
B) how many times did you ignore the answers?
C) when are you going to learn basic food safety rules?
D) are you now personal friends with emergency room personnel?
posted by easily confused at 2:47 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

List the first five MeFi usernames that come to mind.

Guess the number that is 2/3s of the average answer to this question.

What do you use favorites for?
☑ This is a good post (Reddit upvote/Facebook like)
☑ I agree with this post
☑ Bookmark a post to read later
☑ If I were listing my Top N favorite posts of all time, this would be on there
☑ The current favorites count is one below a superior number, I must correct this
☑ Other: __________

I think collecting serious demographic data on people's real-world identity, sexuality, and so on, is a kind of separate thing from the "fun silly questions" part, and deserves some careful thought.

I'd like to see overall demographic data, but it could be disassociated from the random questions. So yes, we'd know that a 42-year-old Polynesian male MeFite living in Texas exists, but it's a mystery what kind of beans they like on their plate.
posted by Rangi at 2:52 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

okay, the obvious...
Did it wendell?
( ) Never
( ) Once
( ) Sometimes
( ) Always
( ) It never wended at all.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:54 PM on September 3, 2015 [9 favorites]

Is that dress blue or gold?

Is there sufficient information to answer this question?

Users with a number higher than ____ are noobs.
posted by zompist at 3:00 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Users with a number lower than ____ are O.G.s
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:03 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

When you visualize the plate of beans,

You know, I think that is actually an interesting question. Because I've never really liked beans, ever, in my life. And when I think of a plate of beans, my immediate vision is one dredged up from my childhood:

A cheap red plastic plate covered in an ocean of reddish-brown sauce with a bunch of little islands and shoals of gag-inducing, mushy, disgusting baked beans.

You see, when I was a kid, whenever we went on holidays to the small property we had in the mountains, franks and beans would be the dinner served when we got there. I hated those beans; mushy and slimy and gross. And so I would pick away at it, eating the franks, but avoiding the beans, until I had a plate full of beans in that brownish sauce, and I'm staring at it glumly trying to figure out how to get away from the table...

So while in the Metafilter context I understand the phrase as a way of expressing a tendency to over-analyze something simple and can laugh about it, it's also got an emotional overlay of being excited to be on holidays and tired from being in the car all day and dreading the parental approbation that is moments away and having to deal with several mouthfuls of food that I just found disgusting (it's a texture thing, I figured out when I got older) and regret that I didn't try to alternate some bites of beans with those franks so I wasn't facing an unremitting plate full of them...

Over my time here, I've found that in the plate of beans concept, I can find a lot of things to analyze and think about because of the memories that image stirs up. I can overthink that plate of beans. I have baggage about bean-plating.

So what I'm trying to say is that maybe it should be like an essay question, rather than multiple choice?
posted by nubs at 3:03 PM on September 3, 2015 [9 favorites]

The responses Mefites write about the main topic of discussion in each thread are called:

() Posts
() COMMENTS THEY'RE CALLED FUCKING COMMENTS THEY'RE NOT POSTS THE POST IS THE POST THEN WE MAKE COMMENTS

so yeah this has always bugged me a little
posted by tzikeh at 3:03 PM on September 3, 2015 [17 favorites]

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over not simply the number of favorites you have, but the ratio of posts and comments you've made (each assigned a respective weight) to the number of favorites you've received? If so, have you found this to be unhealthy?
posted by naju at 3:25 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

BBQ:

[ ] Event
[ ] Cooking appliance
[ ] Cooking method
[ ] Category of food

(select all that apply)
posted by FishBike at 3:30 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

COMMENTS THEY'RE CALLED FUCKING COMMENTS THEY'RE NOT POSTS THE POST IS THE POST THEN WE MAKE COMMENTS

Then why don't they end in "commented by", huh? /s

Are you a feminist?

So, prenatal testosterone affects digit length, and also correlates with many other attributes, including how likely someone is to identify as feminist. Less Wrong's 2014 survey got 1,503 people to measure their 2D:4D digit ratios (index to ring finger, from the tip to the bottom crease) and found "a 0.144 correlation between right-handed digit ratio and [a 1 to 5 approval rating of] feminism, p < 0.01, and an 0.112 correlation between left-handed digit ratio and feminism, p < 0.05." In the interests of reproducing scientific studies, I'd like to see MetaFilter try the same thing. It would be an outlier among frivolous questions, though, so if people aren't likely to answer correctly then it's not worthwhile.
posted by Rangi at 3:32 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over not simply the number of favorites you have, but the ratio of posts and comments you've made (each assigned a respective weight) to the number of favorites you've received?

Yes. The average (among users with at least one favorited post or comment) turns out to be roughly 4.5, as of the August 21 infodump. (Depending on how outliers are filtered, I got values as low as 3.5 too.) That was weighting posts and comments equally, so go ahead and try a more nuanced method for assigning everyone a quality index (to be shown on their profiles in bright red orange).
posted by Rangi at 3:37 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

What are taters?
Do bookstores make you poop?
Why does my cat do that thing?
posted by matildaben at 3:39 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Reading user names:

A) uncleozzy -- uncle-ozzy or un-cleozzy

B) peacheater -- peach-eater or pea-cheater
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:40 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

What are taters?

Po’.
posted by Going To Maine at 3:41 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Why can't we have nice things?
posted by Chairboy at 3:44 PM on September 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

Speaking of questions like sex, ethnicity, or gender, where a free fill-in is the only way to get truly accurate results: I would still recommend having the most common options as radio-button choices, with the fill-in for "Other." This makes it easier to normalize the data—no need to consolidate "Male", "male", "M", and "XY"—and also makes it easier for ~80–90% of people to give a simple and accurate answer while allowing as much precision as desired by anyone else. Like, if someone is curious what percent of users are women, it would be nice to have that figure readily available, instead of having to manually classify everyone's nuanced personal identities into broad census-type categories. (If the survey is all about having fun, not gathering census data, then disregard everything I said. I just think that a userbase which appreciates the infodump would also like analyzable survey results.)
posted by Rangi at 3:45 PM on September 3, 2015

The Williams Institute: "This report presents the findings from a multi-year effort of an expert panel of scholars, the Sexual Minority Assessment Research Team (SMART), to identify the best practices for asking questions about sexual orientation on surveys."

Similar advice probably also applies to ethnicity, psychological data, and other personal information.
posted by Rangi at 3:52 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Would you sign up for a one-way trip to mars? (After being convinced that you'd be likely arrive safely and remain alive for decades.)
Would you sign up for a one-way trip to an exoplanet?
If forced by comic book super-villain to give up one of your senses, which one would you choose?
If forced to give up all but one of your senses, which would you keep?
Pick a superpower: Invisibility, or flight?
If you could live forever, in the same physical and mental state you possess now, would you choose to do so?
Chalk board or white board?
Click to focus, or focus follows pointer? (or, focus follows pointer but raise only on click)
Rank these condiments by preference: ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, chile sauce, sour creme, chutney, tzatziki, marmite, wasabi, worcestershire, pickle, spicy-ketchup.
If you could travel in time (in either direction) exactly once and then return, what time would you visit?
Did you love horses (or the idea of horses) when you were 9 years old?
If you were forced to listen to a single commercially produced musical recording on continuous repeat forever, what would you choose?
Toilet paper roll orientation: pull from the top or from the bottom?

Also, the cilantro question above needs another option:
Cilantro: bestest flavor, meal-ruiner, or mechanism for making food green without adding any detectable flavor?

Only now do I realize that my plate of beans is a white styrofoam plate with the crinelated edges containing a soupy, overly-sweet, bright red mass of baked beans, served with an ice-cream scoop out of a stainless steel cafeteria bin.
posted by eotvos at 4:06 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Do you use a washcloth?

Classic or modern theme?
Primarily mobile or primarily desktop?
Ever made a post to the blue or green from the mobile site on Classic theme?
posted by bleep at 4:14 PM on September 3, 2015

Professional white background?
posted by Drastic at 4:37 PM on September 3, 2015

Do you like movies with gladiators?
posted by bleep at 4:39 PM on September 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

Yeah, I think I will probably leave most of the tricky demographic questions off, at least for this go around. Maybe if we do it again in the future someone with a little more knowledge about this sort of stuff can devise some well-crafted questions to get at things like gender identity and ethnicity, but I just don't have the expertise to do it. More "What color is The Dress?" and less "Where are you on the Kinsey scale?" is where I'm aiming.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:54 PM on September 3, 2015

Hello, as a spatial data professional (GIS) I would love it if people can put their location (even as coarse as by country) so we can make some maps with these data. Thx.
posted by Duffington at 4:58 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

I'd prefer a "pick a superpower" with as many multiple choices as possible..
( ) superstrength
( ) flight
( ) super-speed
( ) invisibility
( ) teleportation
( ) x-ray or other super-vision (or as SuperChicken used to say, "If I had Super Vision, would they have let me do this?")
( ) animal-themed attributes (like Spider-Man or Squirrel-Girl)
( ) get much bigger (or smaller)
( ) mind-reading
( ) time travel
( ) ability to get up the first time the alarm goes off (well, it's a super power TO ME)
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:03 PM on September 3, 2015

Cat person or dog person?
Auto-condimenter, or taste-food-before-seasoning?
Titles or no titles?
What is the last thought you have before hitting the "Post" button?
Have you ever used the contact form?
When you flag something, how do you imagine the shape/color/design of that flag?
Have you ever passed off Ask advice as your own? (Guilty/Not Guilty)
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:11 PM on September 3, 2015

Cake person or pie person?
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 5:19 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Optimal method of creating a cup of coffee.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 5:20 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

Which goes into the bowl first, milk or cereal?
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:26 PM on September 3, 2015

Would you rather fight one horse-sized dux or one hundred dux-sized horses?
posted by Going To Maine at 5:28 PM on September 3, 2015

noose or blade? totally hypothetically
posted by Wolfdog at 5:32 PM on September 3, 2015

DO YOU HAVE STAIRS IN YOUR HOUSE?
posted by comealongpole at 5:32 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Do you know how to correct for multiple comparisons y/n?



* n.b. I actually suspect that the xkcd survey is leading up to an abject demonstration of what happens when you don't. Sorry, I'm humorless today.
posted by advil at 5:36 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Why you make me wait to survey metafilter? Want to survey now!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:38 PM on September 3, 2015

Penis Beaker:

[] have it
[] use it
[] sip from it
...[] accidentally when half awake
...[] out of desperation (thirsty & lazy)
...[] on purpose
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:44 PM on September 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

Rank your favorite bands by how much they suck.
posted by ardgedee at 5:45 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

* n.b. I actually suspect that the xkcd survey is leading up to an abject demonstration of what happens when you don't. Sorry, I'm humorless today.

Given that the XKCD survey is subtitled “A Search for Weird Correlations”, I suspect you’re right.
posted by Going To Maine at 5:47 PM on September 3, 2015

Cats:
A) how many do you have?
B) how many did Metafilter name?

MY GOD YES my #1 question for all of mefi is how come none of you jerks have ever named your tuxedo cat MISTER FANCY BRITCHES
posted by poffin boffin at 5:48 PM on September 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

Favourite palindrome (where said palindrome is not ones' username)?
posted by comealongpole at 5:48 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

how come none of you jerks have ever named your tuxedo cat MISTER FANCY BRITCHES

brb getting ugly Christmas sweater on my tuxedo cat so I can reevaluate his name
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:51 PM on September 3, 2015

What do you dip French fries in?
posted by oceanjesse at 5:57 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

What song is stuck in your head right now?
posted by gingerbeer at 6:05 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yes yes yes. Less (none!) with the tricky awkward questions and more (all!) with the fun interesting questions. More responses, a better dataset to play with, and no-one left feeling horrible afterwards.
posted by motty at 6:40 PM on September 3, 2015

The hollow Time Cube in which the _ quadrant corners of Earth rotate, equates to your _ corner bedroom, or to a _ corner classroom which represents the _ corners of Earth - in which stupid and evil pedants teach dumb students _ corner knowledge.

Holy cats, Time Cube is no more!
posted by tonycpsu at 6:43 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

jessamyn: "Best MeFi advice you ignored?"

Worst MeFi advice you took?
posted by Chrysostom at 7:02 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother
posted by Ghidorah at 7:23 PM on September 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

What do you dip French fries in?

the blood of my enemies

and also mayo
posted by poffin boffin at 8:09 PM on September 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

The inestimable poffin boffin asked:
MY GOD YES my #1 question for all of mefi is how come none of you jerks have ever named your tuxedo cat MISTER FANCY BRITCHES


One of my cats is named Fancy Pants. She came to live with me after my brother moved across the seas, so I can't take credit for naming her.
posted by julen at 8:17 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

You people just showed that you're willing to turn a blind eye when it is to your benefit. How does that make you any different from those you rail against?
posted by zachlipton at 8:18 PM on September 3, 2015

Yellow or brown mustard?

There is so much more to mustard...
posted by pompomtom at 8:18 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Maybe this one's faded from memory a bit, and regrettably it would only apply to half the site, but I'm surprised no one's brought up this "never realized there was another way" thread...
posted by equalpants at 8:20 PM on September 3, 2015

Wings: with bleu cheese or ranch?

The main thing I took from my summer in Huntsville is that the answer is "neither, Alabama white sauce".
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:36 PM on September 3, 2015

"neither, Alabama white sauce".

how unfortunately timed this comment was in retrospect
posted by poffin boffin at 9:10 PM on September 3, 2015 [12 favorites]

what happened to paphnuty?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:31 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

What is the uncomplicated soup of your childhood?

Spatial data:

• What is the location of some of the best food you ever had?
• What is the location of the publisher of the book nearest to you?
• Can you swim? Where were you when you learned to swim? How old were you?
• Where did you last fly a kite, if ever? How old were you?
• What are the start and end points of the longest skate/bike/hike/skip/run/kayak/canoe trip you ever went on?
• Name the first five geographic features in your region that come to mind.
• Name the first five geographic features as far away from you as possible that come to mind.
• Name the first geographic feature that comes to mind that you associate with the color blue.
• Name the first geographic location that comes to mind that you associate with the color green.

posted by aniola at 10:23 PM on September 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

where was your first kiss?
dogear or bookmark?
number of times per week you habitually use the same drinking vessel, for a) the same beverage; b) different beverages, same vessel on purpose (not e.g. because it is the only drinking vessel you own)?
please name the following cat, horse, startup, computer network, and farm: [insert pictures here]
wombat is to aardvark as tennis is to _______?
how many pairs of shoes do you own?
out of the last seven days, what was your longest period of uninterrupted sleep? and longest period awake?
you spend most of your indoor time in a room with what colour walls?
what are the first three digits of the first telephone number you can remember memorizing?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:37 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

How many of these questions will you answer before you get bored?

(This is actually a legit concern. 30 might be tops.)
posted by Going To Maine at 11:03 PM on September 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

¿Salsa roja o salsa verde?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:05 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Can you read in a moving car?
Do you salt your food before tasting it?
What are you superstitious about?
What's your favorite text-entry method (physical qwerty or something else?) and how many wpm can you do in that method?
What's something you used to think was fictitious but it turned out to be real?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:09 PM on September 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Christian Bale or Adam West?
posted by Superfrankenstein at 12:27 AM on September 4, 2015

Have you ever kissed a MOS in the horizontal position?

No wait... wrong type of test.
posted by Cannon Fodder at 12:34 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

No, Superfrankenstien, any Batman preference question has to include ALL the actors to play the character. I'd pick Kevin Conroy's voice myself. (and have a second question for favorite Joker)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:07 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Have you ever...
[ ] danced with the devil in the pale moonlight
[ ] watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate
[ ] been in a Turkish prison
posted by zompist at 1:11 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]

It would be super awesome if any question that's pop culture or US-centric at least had a "this isn't something I know about" or "this isn't relevant to where I live" option - looking at a some of the questions suggested above, if there wasn't an option like that I'd either be forced to pick a meaningless answer or skip the question. It would also be awesome if a lot of the questions were location/culture-neutral - asking about aspects of human experience that most people in most places will have a take on. So more "can you read in a moving car?" and less speculation on the origin of whoopie pies.

The timezone difference and the fact that I'm not super engaged with a lot of aspects of contemporary US pop culture already makes me feel isolated, to an extent, from some of the content and the interactions across the site - having that not be an intrinsic feature of this survey would be excellent.
posted by terretu at 1:42 AM on September 4, 2015 [14 favorites]

dogear or bookmark?

I suggest those who select the former be permabanned.
posted by pompomtom at 2:28 AM on September 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

To which food group do you belong?

[] dairy
[] fruits
[] jolly old fruits
[] wayward safari tourists
[] nutrition scientists
[] legumes and taters
[] academia
[] low carbs
[] hamsters
posted by Namlit at 3:36 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

I look forward to wrangling data. I will produce many graphs. MANY!

I'd like to suggest a good mix of discrete (choose one) options, choose many options, enter a number options and free form entry options.
This allows for the greater amount of graphs to be drawn.

I'd like to encourage location/culture neutral questions (especially trying to avoid US-centricity)

I like the "Name the first 5 non-mod usernames that come to mind" question, that seems fun.

Name your favourite batman actor is a very good question.
I would also be strongly in favour of name your favourite Doctor (As in Doctor Who)
both should have a list and a type in "Other" field.

A best cheese question?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:50 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Quiz: Cheese Section

1. Name the first cheese that comes to mind.
2. Describe the perfect cheese.
3. What cheeses are there in your fridge, or cheese box, or other cheese storage unit, right now? (Just list the first dozen if many)
4. How many relationships have you had to end because you and your ex were regrettably cheese-incompatible?
5. What is the furthest you have ever travelled (e.g. miles, days, air flights) solely or mainly to obtain a particular cheese?
6. Have you ever asked "What cheeses will be available?" or similar to decide whether to attend a wedding, funeral, christening or other human milestone event?
7. List as many non-edible uses of cheese as you can think of.
8. Has an entire shelf of your fridge ever been full but, on inspection, only consisted of cheeses?
9. With what frequency does the topic of "cheese" come up during your therapy sessions?
10. What is the most extreme or illegal action you would do, or have done, for cheese?
posted by Wordshore at 3:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]

> Christian Bale or Adam West?

I do not see Michael Keaton on this list, wtf.
posted by ardgedee at 4:08 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

In a perfect AskMe post, how many snowflakes are there?
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 4:28 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

What colour would you want your eyes to be?

Where would you prefer to live: town, country, suburbs, on the river, at sea, moonbase...

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
Has anyone ever been convicted of a crime that hurt you personally?

What is the first joke that you can think of?

How long did your first pet live?
posted by YAMWAK at 4:36 AM on September 4, 2015

GOD how i hate those fucking snowflakes, all those cutesy askme "flurries inside!" and "snowstorm ahead!" things are as terrible as every single tumblr queue pun that everyone thinks is super original and clever which in itself is as terrible as YES THE 10 ACTUAL PLAGUES

let my ppl go
posted by poffin boffin at 4:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

In a zombie apocalypse, which mefites would you want on your team?
a. would they be helpful or mere cannon fodder?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:45 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

to more fully explore BB's question i think mefites should list on their profile how many of each medieval bladed melee weapon they own and also have at least one action photo of using it against a deli product.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

What's your favorite deli meat?

1.) ham
2.) turkey
3. salami
4. Vegatables, you murdering asswipe
5. Mmmm, mefite
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:55 AM on September 4, 2015

In a zombie apocalypse, which mefites would you want on your team?
a. would they be helpful or mere cannon fodder?

b. Saving my team members for dinner.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:02 AM on September 4, 2015

The?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:01 AM on September 4, 2015

I would also be strongly in favour of name your favourite Doctor (As in Doctor Who)

Knowing us (MetaFilter), wouldn't Favourite Doctor answers be about 90% Joanna Lumley? I mean I have Strong Opinions, yet still accidentally talked myself into it just then.
posted by comealongpole at 6:01 AM on September 4, 2015

Does anybody read the comments down here?
posted by chavenet at 6:10 AM on September 4, 2015 [11 favorites]

Have you ever...
...
[ ] watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate

No, but I have seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
posted by MikeMc at 6:21 AM on September 4, 2015

[ ] Bon Scott AC/DC
[ ] Brian Johnson AC/DC
[ ] Doesn't matter, Lemmy is God
posted by MikeMc at 6:24 AM on September 4, 2015

What's your favorite edition of D&D?

[] Fifth
[] Fourth
[] 3.5
[] Third
[] Second
[] Second, but before all the splatbooks
[] First
[] First, but I use Mentzer's falling damage rules from Dragon #70.
[] BECMI
[] B/X
[] LBB or GTFO
[] Oh, D&D sucks. Let me tell you why Runequest was obviously superior.
[] NERRRRRDDDDDDSSSSSSS
posted by Chrysostom at 6:27 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]

which cheese would you murder a friend or family member in order to have clutched right now in your sweaty cheeseless hands

ROOMANO PRADERA
posted by slogger at 6:30 AM on September 4, 2015

Which state do you live in?
Which one would you like to move to?
How many states have you been to?
Who was the best president?
The worst?
If you had to disappear, would you rather go to Canada or Mexico?
Do you find such questions annoying?

And two I'd really like to see:
How long do you procrastinate before asking someone for a favor?
Bare feet in public: gross or OK?
posted by hat_eater at 6:41 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

01010000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110111 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01110011 01110100 00101100 00100000 01110010 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00111111

[1]
[0]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:00 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Knowing us (MetaFilter), wouldn't Favourite Doctor answers be about 90% Joanna Lumley?

I was assuming it would be Barbara Benedetti.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:09 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

How large a proportion of your life have you resided in the US?

[And then a slider from 0% to 100%]
posted by Kattullus at 7:16 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Which state do you live in?:
Disarray
Who was the best president?
Maureen Le Marinel
The worst?
Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:18 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

What do you mention to lure cortex into a thread?

[] Dune
[] Rogue-likes
[] Clicker games
[] MEH-fite / dray-gun reference
posted by Chrysostom at 8:07 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

What do you mention to lure cortex into a thread?

The correct answer is "Hellraiser."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:16 AM on September 4, 2015

Actually, I think if you say "Hellraiser" three times in a thread, it will conjure both cortex and griphus.

BUT I AM TOO AFRAID TO TRY.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:17 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Submitted for fun and idle curiosity:

A
How often do you have sexytimes with another living person:
3-5 times a week
1-2 a week
A few times a month
Couple times a year
It's been a while

B. How often do you, um, fly solo
I'm typing one handed right now
3-5 times a week
1-2 a week
A few times a month
Couple times a year
It's been a while

C. Favorite thing way to spend sexytimes with another living person
Grilled cheese
Steak sub
A nice salad
Dressing up
I can't answer right now, little tied up

D. Favorite media personality you have a crush on
Ryan Gosling
ScarJo
Idris
Janelle

E. Which subsite would you most like to go on a blind date with?
Frontpage
Ask
Meta
Music
Projects
Jobs
Chat

F. That special living person is away out of town for a week. How would you like to "connect" with them for naughty fun?
Sexting
Video Chat
Audio only
Email
Oh good, they're gone, now I can play with my toys.

G. Favorite method of getting in the mood
THAT Askme thread, you know the one
Music
A good book
Just talking, like in person, not video chat

H. Favorite style Music to get in the mood
Classical
Polka
Blues
70s rock
70s Funk
Just the 70s, geeze what an era
80s? Really?
Alternative Neo Rock/Pop
I'm Hiping and Hoping
Easy Listening Rap
Goth Metal
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:20 AM on September 4, 2015

Which of the following do you know what the fuck they mean?

[ ] FPP
[ ] DTMFA
[ ] FIAMO
[ ] FTFY
[ ] SAIT
[ ] SLYT
[ ] SLNYT
[ ] SLYTHERIN
[ ] YMMV
[ ] IANAL
[ ] GRAR
[ ] WTFM?
posted by Kabanos at 8:22 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]

Best Bond ever:
[] Connery
[] Lazenby
[] Moore
[] Dalton
[] Brosnan
[] Craig

The next Bond:
[] Idris Elba
[] Damien Lewis
[] Rosamund Pike
[] Henry Cavill
[] Tom Hardy
[] Jon Hamm
posted by nubs at 8:42 AM on September 4, 2015

Everyone of these should have a radio button at the end of the questions "I would fight with someone about this if they answered wrong"
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:44 AM on September 4, 2015 [29 favorites]

Also, I'm a little worried/intrigued/curious about the fact that Brandon "the Spousenator" Blatcher is interested in all these sexy time behaviour-type questions.
posted by nubs at 8:45 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Knowing us (MetaFilter), wouldn't Favourite Doctor answers be about 90% Joanna Lumley?

I was assuming it would be Barbara Benedetti.

Florence Henderson or GTFO.
posted by Etrigan at 8:45 AM on September 4, 2015

Everyone of these should have a radio button at the end of the questions "I would fight with someone about this if they answered wrong"

Would the 100% positive response rate on that question really tell us all that much?
posted by nubs at 8:47 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I would want to know about which subsites people tend to use + how often, what traditions they've engaged in (spousing, music swaps, making Metafilter: taglines out of found phrases, etc), their favorite types of posts, and then some basic universal demographic stuff like:

Do you have animals (cats, dogs, chickens, ferrets, lizards, goats, sheep, fish, hamsters, etc)
Do you live in an apartment, detatched house, semi-detached house or townhouse, yurt/tent, RV/portable house, couchsurfing, cave, on a pillar, etc.
What's the best thing you've learned from MeFi & associated sites.
Who is the most interesting person in the world?
Do you eat breakfast?
Where would you most like to travel to?
Are you a night owl/morning person/balanced sleep schedule type/whatever my kids force me into?
Do you read physical media, or do you do it mostly digitally?
Have you ever lived in a different country?
What candy is the best?

As much as some of the pop cultural stuff above has amused me, some of it I'd need a "Don't know, this is not my fandom" option on the list. And if I wasn't a pasty American (also a pastry-American), I suspect I'd want a Don't know, not my culture/nationality/etc. option on a pickem list.
posted by julen at 9:09 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Henry Cavill for the next James Bond? Would have no problems with Spectre but could be brought down by a plot by some woodworm.
posted by biffa at 9:20 AM on September 4, 2015

Have you eaten
The plums
That were in the icebox?
posted by daisyk at 9:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

Were they
[ ] delicious?
[ ] so sweet and so cold?
[ ] all of the above?
posted by daisyk at 9:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]

What's an X ?


[ ] Encyclopedic answer

[ ] Doesn't matter, your favorite X sucks!

[ ] 20 dollars, same as in town
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:54 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Lobster Mitten: What's something you used to think was fictitious but it turned out to be real?

My answers: the Korean War; slime molds. My mum's answer: Pearl Jam.

Please include this question. I want to see other people's shame.
posted by daisyk at 9:57 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

Are you embarrassed easily?
A. High
B. Hello
C. Good evening
posted by plinth at 9:57 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Do you want ants?
posted by that's how you get ants at 9:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [13 favorites]

Do you line your pockets with hot cheese?
posted by plinth at 10:00 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

• Would you like to take a survey?
• Do you eat beans?
• Would you like to see a new movie starring George Wendt?
• Do you eat beans at George Wendt movies?
• Would you like to see George Wendt eating beans in a movie?

posted by rewil at 10:02 AM on September 4, 2015

Do you have a camera.
posted by tzikeh at 10:13 AM on September 4, 2015

This is a wonderful idea and I just wanted to say thank you for organising it.
posted by roolya_boolya at 10:15 AM on September 4, 2015

Henry Cavill for the next James Bond?

He would need to be a bit rougher. Bond is a intelligent, street smart brawler who's been educated in the finer things. But he's still a brawler underneath, that's what's great about Craig.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Next Bond? Ian McKellen, obviously.
posted by Namlit at 10:28 AM on September 4, 2015

He'd make a good Q.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:30 AM on September 4, 2015

Essential Englishness Section

1. Leaf or bag?
2. Milk first or tea first?
3. Pot cold or warmed?
4. Aluminium or aluminum?
5. Colour or color?
6. Grey or gray?
7. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the II or some distant teenage-like relatives who are now into year 239 of the biggest sulk in human history ("Just leave them; they'll come out of their room soon enough")?
8. Do you understand the difference between leg spin and off spin?
9. Tea?
10. Splendid or marvellous?
posted by Wordshore at 10:37 AM on September 4, 2015

1 either one i don't care, just no pg tips
2 milk first
3 what am i an animal? warm the fucking pot
4 what
5 u's always
6 idc
7 what
8 is this cricket
9 yes obvsly
10 TREMENDOUS
posted by poffin boffin at 10:48 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

PEPSI ____

[] CO
[] COLA
[] MAX
[] ONE
[] FREE
[] BLUE
[] CHALLENGE
[] TWIST
[] ZERO
[] THE CHOICE OF A NEW GENERATION
posted by Kabanos at 11:30 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Are you looking for a used car?

Is this [image] a portobello mushroom?

Do you like pancakes?

Have you ever quoted SCIENCE?

Surely this ___________________________________________.
posted by nubs at 11:37 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Word Association section:
* New Jersey:
* Sheeple:
* Bitcoin:
* Homer:
* Skeptic:
* Plate of:

Pop, Soda, or other?

Pumpkin Spice: where do you stand?
* 100% in favor
* 100% against

Name the first three fictional alien races that come to mind.

How do you take cereal?
*With milk
*Milk on the side
*No milk
*Cereal is for the weak.

What do you do when you land on Free Parking in Monopoly?
*Nothing
*Extra turn
*Free money
*Yo, fuck Monopoly.

Who do you pick in Mario Kart?

Are you now, or have you ever, been a Zune owner?
posted by duffell at 11:43 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Are you:

[] A Bookwalker
[] Unsullied
[] Someone who wants to burn every GoT reference to the ground. Twice
posted by billiebee at 11:49 AM on September 4, 2015

Around the tree or bunny ears? Which shoe-tying method do you use.
posted by Area Man at 11:58 AM on September 4, 2015

What is your reaction to this photo?

[] No. Just, no.
posted by Wordshore at 12:02 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Are you more familiar with this than anyone could possibly imagine?

[] Yes
[] No
posted by Chrysostom at 12:08 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Is this relevant to your interests?
[] Yes
[] Yes, very
[] No

Would you like to subscribe to the blog?
[] Yes
[] No
posted by Kabanos at 12:17 PM on September 4, 2015

When posting, do you put the right foot in first, or the left?
Well, same question for any kind of pants?
posted by Oyéah at 12:18 PM on September 4, 2015

In a zombie apocalypse, which mefites would you want on your team?

Me. You want me. I'm an excellent shot, I know how to grow/can/prep food and tend sheep/spin/knit clothes, and I know ALL the zombie tropes so we'll never die stupid, avoidable deaths.

In short, vote for me on your zombiepacalypse team.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:21 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

You see a dog on the street.

a) You ignore it, for reasons.
b) You look at it and have feelings.
c) You politely ask the owner if you can pet it.
d) You throw yourself down on the ground next to the dog with the cry of puppy! Then you proceed to snorf her silky little ears and give her all the tummy sugars she wants.
posted by barchan at 12:23 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

you snatch the dog into your arms and smother its slobbery face with kisses before being led away by concerned passers-by making a citizen's arrest
posted by poffin boffin at 12:28 PM on September 4, 2015

d) You throw yourself down on the ground next to the dog with the cry of puppy! Then you proceed to snorf her silky little ears and give her all the tummy sugars she wants.

I'm temping in a place this week where one of the owners brings his dog to work with him and this was so close to my actual literal reaction on my first day it's not even funny.
posted by phunniemee at 12:35 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

When making a post for the first page, do you check to see duplicates first or do you always wind up writing the post and then finding out if it's a duplicate?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:37 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

The...

() Rolling Stones
() Beatles
() Who?
() Who
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:37 PM on September 4, 2015

Werewolf, vampire or mummy?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:37 PM on September 4, 2015

Favorite female mod who was here almost from the beginning, yet recently retired, that you miss the most?

{}Jessamyn
{}Jessamyn
{}Jessamyn
{}Jessamyn
{}All the above
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:40 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

*cough cough*
First mefite who said a meanspirited snarky thing at you when you joined the site?

[ ] Brandon Blatcher
[ ] other: _______________
posted by phunniemee at 12:45 PM on September 4, 2015

No no, that was just for you phunniemee, yesyesYOU.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:46 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

What is your spirit animal?
posted by Lynsey at 12:46 PM on September 4, 2015

What is your spirit animal?

A patronus that doesn't actively belittle other cultures' beliefs maybe?
posted by phunniemee at 12:49 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

[small voice]
when I say Ruth Bader Ginsberg/Peggy Olson/Dot Warner is my spirit animal, am I being belittling? I sure don't mean to be...
[big eyes]
posted by ApathyGirl at 1:00 PM on September 4, 2015

if this survey could help us find a non-problematic term for that concept that doesn't borrow the tortured pseudolatin of a billion dollar media property, that'd be cool
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:00 PM on September 4, 2015

> In short, vote for me on your zombiepacalypse team.

Nice try, but I'm still voting #1 quidnunc kid.
posted by languagehat at 1:10 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Your favorite Fake Doctor:
[ ] Seuss
[ ] Dre
[ ] J.
[ ] Gonzo
[ ] Feelgood
[ ] Strangelove
[ ] Frankenstein
[ ] Brown
[ ] McNinja
[ ] Horrible
[ ] Moreau
[ ] Watson
[ ] Jeckyl
[ ] Smith
[ ] House
[ ] McCoy
[ ] Crusher
[ ] EMH Program AK-1
[ ] Forrester
[ ] Ehrhart
[ ] the one with the scarf
[ ] the one with the leather jacket
[ ] Martens
[ ] Scholls
[ ] Phil
[ ] Oz
[ ] Spengler
[ ] Venkman
[ ] "Hawkeye" Pierce
[ ] Zaius
[ ] Frank-N-Furter
[ ] Kildare
[ ] Quinn
[ ] Quest
[ ] Claw
[ ] No
[ ] Doom
[ ] Eggman
[ ] Evil
[ ] "Doogie"Howser
[ ] Richard Kimball
[ ] Ben Carson
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:26 PM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

Your favorite Fake Doctor:

You left our Dr. Octopus. (But not Quinn 😊. )
posted by Rangi at 1:30 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

You also forgot Dr. Pepper.
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 1:32 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I knew my mistaken omissions would be noted... I actually have a can of Dr Pepper (no .) within sight. I'm not a Pepper, I'm a Pooper. Feel free to add more.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:40 PM on September 4, 2015

and Dr. Mario!
posted by dismas at 2:04 PM on September 4, 2015

And Dr. Dolittle
posted by Hairy Lobster at 2:07 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

and Dr. Dog
posted by Hairy Lobster at 2:10 PM on September 4, 2015

[ ] Demento
[ ] Venture
[ ] Vermhat
[ ] Worm
[ ] Wu
[ ] My Eyes
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:12 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

What languages people use / speak. And fluency. Maybe fluent, still a butcher, a smattering of words with vigorous gesturing communication, type categories.
posted by phoque at 2:49 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

Favourite cat colours. Bedroom colour. Towel colours. Bra colour.
Just any questions about colours.

Meh-fee or some other, wronger pronunciation?
posted by jeather at 3:00 PM on September 4, 2015

[ ] Detroit
[ ] Teeth
posted by Mchelly at 3:19 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

[ ] Octagon
posted by Going To Maine at 3:38 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm volunteering to make infographics out of the results. If you want, that is.
posted by culfinglin at 3:59 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Is Chicago-style deep dish pizza really pizza?

[] No
[] Absolutely not
[] Wrong
[] It's not really pizza
[] All of the above
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:20 PM on September 4, 2015

Is a Breakfast Burrito really a burrito?
[] why the @#$% do you care? Do you like it or not?
[] can I call it pizza instead?
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:33 PM on September 4, 2015

Do you MeFi on the weekend?

Ever been to a meet-up?

Ever live chatted?

Ever gotten scolded by a mod?

Ever gotten so angry you left the site for a cool-off period?

Favorites, visible or invisible?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:40 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

How many registered members reside in your household?

How many times a day do you use the word "MetaFilter" in conversation?

Is there a specific type of post that you always read? Do you read all of the posts everyday?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:46 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Which one of my garbage sons are you?
posted by a strong female character at 4:53 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Which two or more usernames do you consistently confuse?
posted by jeather at 5:19 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Do you prefer comments to be:
Informed and educational
Hilarious
In the form of a link

If you discovered that the person you had favorited the most was coming to your place of residence tomorrow, would you be:
Elated
Dismayed
Weirded out

What is the longest period of time you have gone without checking the site?

Congratulations! You have just won the MetaFilter lottery which allows you to make one change to the site. Bearing in mind that everyone will know you are responsible what, if any, change would you make?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:34 PM on September 4, 2015

Which character are you in ...
Game of Thrones
Lord of the Rings/Hobbit
Discworld
Adventure Time
Gravity Falls
The Venture Brothers
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Star Wars
Star Trek (all editions, yes you can admit to being Wesley)
Marvel Comics
DC Comics
webcomics (I am 50% Clango, 50% Flaco)
Orphan Black
Orange Is the New Black
Mr. Robot (imaginary included, yeah, I'm Elliot's dad)
The Simpsons
The Smurfs
(yes, relatively narrow cultural view, so feel free to add any Britcom, Bollywood, Anime, Opera Cycle or Local Pantheon of Pseudo-Deities with a large enough cast to the list)
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:54 PM on September 4, 2015

What subsite do you visit first? Which do you never visit?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:58 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Where do you keep your Cabal Membership Card?
[] in wallet or purse
[] in pocket
[] at home near the front door
[] in a special drawer
[] in a secure safe with a combination the same as your password
[] what card? oh, no, there is no card, there is no cabal, nevermind.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:07 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

When was the last time you paid for:
music
a movie
a book
a game

Do you prefer to watch TV dramas week by week or several episodes at a time?

Do you like to read fictional books that are part of a series?

When was the last time you went to see a live performance of music?

Given a choice would you rather fly, drive, or go by train?

If you own a pet, do you ever dress them up?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:28 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

phoque: What languages people use / speak.

We should also include a slot for "languages you can read but not speak" with a side of "sorry I'm too shy to talk to anyone so I can't learn to speak new languages". Or possibly "sorry it's hard to get practice with Ancient Greek".
(Or maybe those are just me)
posted by nat at 7:16 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

I can't believe I'm the first:

[ ] bourbon
[ ] single malt
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:47 PM on September 4, 2015

How many pets have you owned that you named?

What inspired their names?
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:49 PM on September 4, 2015

Your favorite Fake Doctor:

[ ] Slarty Bartfast
[ ] TedW
[ ] docpops
[ ] The White Hat
[ ] Who the fuck is ikkyu2?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:55 PM on September 4, 2015

Your favorite Fake Doctor:

[] Bunsen Honeydew

what is wrong with us that that wasn't one of the original options Jesus Christ people
posted by Spathe Cadet at 8:05 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

How many of the previous questions did you lie about?
posted by sammyo at 8:09 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Because Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is obviously real.

we also missed Dr. Teeth

and Dr. John

and Dr. Shrinker
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:16 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

also Dr. Acula
posted by duffell at 8:35 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

We should also include a slot for "languages you can read but not speak"

GOD my current hell this week was realizing that I cannot for the life of me lip-read spanish so while I can communicate perfectly well myself I have to ask everyone to repeat themselves like 12 times and it is an UNBEARABLE ORDEAL

i'm pretty sure the solution is telenovelas and i'm mad about it
posted by poffin boffin at 8:48 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

[ ] Dr. Karl

Not just for his achievements as the people's scientist but because, appropriately for this thread, the people call him "an answer looking for a question".
posted by valetta at 8:51 PM on September 4, 2015

all this and nobody (including me) thought of...

Dr. Science!
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:01 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

> [ ] bourbon
[ ] single malt

[ ] yes please
posted by rtha at 9:35 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I hope "What does a plate of beans look like?" makes it to the survey. I can see it so clearly. It's a .gif, a little glistening .gif. Every now and then, some sauce drips off the edge of the plate.
posted by valetta at 9:42 PM on September 4, 2015

I hope "What does a plate of beans look like?" makes it to the survey. I can see it so clearly. It's a .gif, a little glistening .gif. Every now and then, some sauce drips off the edge of the plate.

Yeah, this is a really funny one. I also have a very clear picture in my head (large amount of bog standard beans plopped unceremoniously on a blue plate) and it never occured to me that a plate of beans would look different to anyone else. But there are so many plates and so many beans in the world, of course other people have a different beanplate vision.
posted by phunniemee at 9:51 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Admittedly, I did spend far too long last night staring at Cameron's World (Previously), feasting on artifacts from ancient Geocities.

Abso-lutely phunniemee, the plate IS blue.
posted by valetta at 9:58 PM on September 4, 2015

[ ] Strange
[ ] Zhivago
[ ] Hook (& the Medicine Show)

also among the Fake Doctors, I forgot the "Docs"
[ ] Holliday
[ ] McStuffins
[ ] Severinsen
[ ] Burnstein's Ice Cream Lab (a local institution around here)
[ ] Papa (in reverse order)
[ ] What's Up (also reverse order)
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:46 PM on September 4, 2015

Sign up, sign up, for the 2015 Mefi Doctor Survey.

A. Arrange the following 1,564 doctors in order of preference.
B. Bonus Question: What does a plate of beans look like?

Done.
posted by valetta at 11:04 PM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

[Heh. Oneswellfoop just gave me favourite no. 4444. (must record this someplace, mustn't I)]
posted by Namlit at 11:30 PM on September 4, 2015

also for the survey:
How many favorites have you gotten from oneswellfoop?
How many favourites have you gotten from oneswellfoop?
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:49 PM on September 4, 2015

You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, crawling toward you. Do you...

[ ] swipe left
[ ] swipe right
[ ] reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back
[ ] THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS
posted by Zarkonnen at 7:58 AM on September 5, 2015 [3 favorites]

> What languages people use / speak.

It will not come as a surprise that I endorse this proposal.

Also, black beans for me, please.
posted by languagehat at 8:16 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I just hope that for some of the "X or Y" type questions, particularly food type stuff, there are also options for "both" and "neither."

Because I will eat all the pizza I don't care how thin or thick it is, and I don't give a damn what color the mustard is please keep it the hell away from me.
posted by dogwalker at 8:39 AM on September 5, 2015

Yes! The bean question!

Personally, I always imagine white beans with sage, aka Fagioli al Fiasco which I guess strictly speaking puts them in a flask rather than a plate and wow that's some meta-beanplating right there

Metafilter: a fiasco of beans.
posted by Westringia F. at 9:53 AM on September 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

Favorite mod named after a part of human anatomy:

{ } Axilla
{ } Myocardium
{ } Cortex
{ } Purlicue
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:33 AM on September 5, 2015

[ ] iamkimiam
posted by Going To Maine at 11:59 AM on September 5, 2015

Do your pets have rich inner lives?
posted by crush-onastick at 12:18 PM on September 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

Boy, there are a lot of questions y'all. Couple things:

1. Is there a good way to ask about what languages people speak (and how well they speak them) other than just having an open text field? I'm limited to the standard Google Forms input methods, which are not conducive to that question, as far as I can figure it. Having a checkbox list of all human languages seems excessive, but limiting it artificially seems too constraining. Ideas?

2. I love to have more "Divisive Food Preference" questions, especially non-US-centric ones.

3. I'm mostly staying away from the pop-culture questions. Someone could probably do a whole survey on just that.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:18 PM on September 5, 2015

Going with the improvisational theme, I'm gonna throw these out and read the rest of the comments after:

1) Rocksteady or Ska
2) Have you ever taken recreational hallucinogens
3) what's your favorite writing implement
4) do you have a default dap tap routine?
a) if so, what is it?
5) how many characters are in your full name?
6) what's your regular breakfast
7) what's your ideal breakfast
8) roughly, how many meters do you walk per day
9) On a scale of 0 to 4, with 0 being not at all, how ticklish are you?
10) What languages could you either say or write "Hello world" in?
11) What is your coolest scar?
12) Monkeys versus donkeys?
13) Do you have nicknames for your neighbors?
a) if so, what are the first three you think of?
14) have you purchased art in the last year?
a) if so, what was it?
15) do you consider yourself a creative person?
16) have you attended a meetup?
17) when was the date when you last saw another MeFite, excluding cohabitants?
18) If you had to guess, how many years would an average houseplant of yours live? If you've never had a plant, please respond N/A
19) how far in kilometers would you say you are from the center of your municipal population center (i.e. village, town, city)?
20) Do you wear a ring?
a) If yes, is the only ring you wear regularly a wedding ring?
21) Estimate to the nearest ten how many books you have in your place of residence.
22) Estimate the percentage of books in your place of residence that you have read.
23) By hours spent, what would you say your primary hobby (non-work regular pleasure activity)?
24) What percent of students when you attended elementary school would you estimate qualified for free lunch?
25) What is one habit you know you should stop, but don't want to?
26) How long have you lived in your current place of residence?
27) If you have moved, how old were you when you first moved? (If never moved, please reply N/A)
28) What was the worst job you ever had?
29) How many hours of recorded music would you say you own?
30) How tall would you estimate your tallest romantic partner to be or have been?
31) How many of your grandparents are currently alive?
32) How far in kilometers would you estimate you are from someone you went to primary school with?
33) How many times per week are you responsible for doing the dishes?
34) Do you regularly go by the name assigned to you at birth?
a) If not, how old were you when you started preferring the name you are currently regularly known?
b) If not, how did you come to be regularly known by your current name?
35) List the first five fruit varieties you think of.
36) Do you prefer umbrellas or raincoats?
37) What skill do you think would be most helpful if you were lost in the wilderness?
38) How many governmental elections would you estimate you've voted in?
39) How many political parties have you voted for?
a) If more than one, what percentage of candidates you voted for came from the party that you voted for the most?
40) How many personal computers, desktop or laptop, would you say you have owned?
posted by klangklangston at 2:11 PM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

"Are you now or have you ever been..."
It may fall into the TMI category as much as a sex question, but an open multi-box question allowing you to list all the Political Parties and Major Political Organizations (remember when Move On was semi-significant? No, not Head On.) that you have been a member of, with an attached "Are you now ashamed of that affiliation? []yes []no"

And the "None of the Above" option should use the (paraphrased) Groucho quote: " I refuse to join any Party that would have me as a member."

Yes, I would proudly include my pre-voting-age 1968 affiliation with the party Pat Paulsen created for his parody Presidential campaign: "the Straight Talking American Government (S.T.A.G.) Party". I wished it was still around when I was later old enough to vote... and go to stag parties.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:12 PM on September 5, 2015

" things are as terrible as every single tumblr queue pun that everyone thinks is super original and clever which in itself is as terrible as YES THE 10 ACTUAL PLAGUES"

BUT SENPAI NOTICED ME
posted by klangklangston at 2:26 PM on September 5, 2015

So, because I grew up in a college town that had an artfair with about 100,000 tourists, when I was a kid I used to go volunteer with a local dadaist organization that gave out surveys, and now I'm curious to see if I can find some. If I recall correctly, most of them were garden-path sentences. But the XKCD really reminded me of it.

The other thing I'll say is that being a census taker in 2000 was still the best job I've ever had, to the extent that this survey makes me curious about whether there are career paths for folks who just want to do field interviews with strangers.
posted by klangklangston at 2:30 PM on September 5, 2015

I think we should do a survey to vote on survey questions. A meta-survey.
posted by bleep at 3:02 PM on September 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

if you could only watch one vine every day for the rest of your life would it be traffic maracas or noseblow reggaeton
posted by poffin boffin at 5:52 PM on September 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

What color collar job do you work (blue, white, etc.), if any?
posted by aniola at 6:54 PM on September 5, 2015

Live to eat or eat to live?

Do you call it dim sum or yum cha and is it ever acceptable to have it for dinner?

Speaking of which, what do you call the main evening meal - dinner/supper/tea/other?
posted by pianissimo at 7:55 PM on September 5, 2015

gefilte fish vs lutefisk?

in a pan or in your pants?
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:14 PM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Fresh water from the tap, or old water that's been sitting around the house in a glass? I just saw this today -- yet another aspect of human existence where I had no idea there was more than one way of doing things, yet AskMe tells me that there is.

(I like fresh water but will take a swig of old water if I need to swallow a pill or something. I thought that was me being weird, but some people prefer old water!)
posted by daisyk at 2:22 AM on September 6, 2015

Which is your favourite answer to any question on the green?

[] buy a macbook air
[] zenni optical
[] DTMFA
[] therapy
[] buy a thinkpad
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 7:51 AM on September 6, 2015

[ ] You can eat that.
[ ] I am not your lawyer.
[ ] I am not your doctor.
[ ] You look fine, they're being jerks.
posted by ardgedee at 8:29 AM on September 6, 2015

[ ] My ex is cited as an example on pages 1-47, 49-103, and 105-956 of DSM V and sounds exactly like yours. DTMFA.
posted by andrewcooke at 9:05 AM on September 6, 2015

What should you be when you grow up?
[x] Join the Coast Guard and rescue people for a living.
posted by Westringia F. at 11:56 AM on September 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Maybe a "who do you miss?" question with a free form text box.

Abiezer come back!
posted by Kattullus at 12:10 PM on September 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

Imagine you now exist primarily as a foodstuff.
I'd either be Craig the Egg or Wendell the Lentil. Next question.

But seriously, a "Mound of (T.S. Eliot supporter and poet) Ezra Pound?" It'd have to be a "Pound of Ezra Pound".

Also, a...
Pot of Scott.
Carton of Martin.
Sack of Jack.
Sandwich of Richie Rich.
Double Decker of (Steely Dan's) Walter Becker.
Scoop of (old time comic strip character) Alley Oop.
Fork of (Bewitched's First Darrin) Dick York.
Roast of (famous pilot) Wiley Post.
Dipper of (Gravity Falls character) Dipper.
Stew of Stu.
Roux of Sara Rue.
Happy Meal of Neil.

And what about the longstanding but non-rhyming Cup of Joe?

having too much fun. somebody stop me!
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:20 PM on September 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

...somebody stop me!

not granted

I'm Namlit, pulled dork
posted by Namlit at 1:23 PM on September 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

p
posted by Namlit at 1:23 PM on September 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

If these are your survey questions, I'd hate to see your Mefite purity test questions...
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:12 PM on September 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

You can erase one webcomic from existance. You HAVE to pick from the following two so which one do you erase - Xkcd or Something Awful?
posted by Faintdreams at 10:09 AM on September 7, 2015

<pedant> Something Awful is not a webcomic; do you mean the ironically titled Something Positive? </pedant>

That said, I'd pick Penny Arcade, whatever the intended choices are.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:29 AM on September 7, 2015

[Option to upload a (specific size) thumbnail of your MeFi dog or cat or other animal pal, all of which would then be made into a poster and available for ordering? Which yes, could be a separate project but could also take advantage of this data gathering moment!]
posted by Glinn at 12:09 PM on September 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Opps I meant the choice to be between SMBC and xkcd !

Doh!
posted by Faintdreams at 1:51 PM on September 7, 2015

Did your father lodge an apple in your back that is still there?

Yes, how did you know?
posted by Gregor Samsa at 9:16 PM on September 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

left handed
right handed
fully ambidextrous
somewhat ambidextrous leaning right
somewhat ambidextrous leaning left
toilet paper over
toiler paper under
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:04 AM on September 8, 2015

Oh, you're some sort of mixed-dominant-ist, are you?
posted by pompomtom at 5:38 AM on September 8, 2015

a ambivalent yet dextrous activist...


[Over! Hands down]
posted by Namlit at 6:12 AM on September 8, 2015

[] HO scale trains?
[] N scale trains?
[] Z scale trains?
[] O scale trains?
[] no scale trains?

These are important questions
posted by Namlit at 6:14 AM on September 8, 2015

How would you answer the following AskMe?

"I went out last night, and absentmindedly left my boyfriend uncovered overnight on the kitchen counter. I don't know why it always falls to me to take care of these things. Can I still eat him? (He was fresh when I left him there)."

[] Therapy.
[] Ew, no. Ripe for bacteria growth.
[] What does he smell like?
[] DTMF to the curb with the rest of the garbage.
[] I would totally eat him. But that's just me. Maybe just try a bit and see how you feel.
[] Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.
[] Bake until his core temperature reaches 165 °F. That should kill off any nasties.
[] You are doing too much unreciprocated emotional labor.
[] Lop off the head. The rest might still be okay.
posted by Kabanos at 7:12 AM on September 8, 2015 [4 favorites]

The Two Kinds of People tumblr might have some ideas.
posted by Pronoiac at 8:17 AM on September 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

Sorry if this was already suggested: What is this purple blobby thing?

[Cow]
[Cat]
[Walrus]
[Narwal]
[Seal]
[Other]
posted by like_neon at 8:55 AM on September 8, 2015

It's a [perspectivically, physically and psychologically challenged] seal.
posted by Namlit at 10:40 AM on September 8, 2015

What is the single most disruptive question you think could be asked in this survey?
posted by Chrysostom at 11:08 AM on September 8, 2015

What's the one thing everyone on the Internets needs to get in line on or GTFO? (Free-form, go nuts!)
posted by carsonb at 12:10 PM on September 8, 2015

Queueing.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:10 PM on September 8, 2015

well, before anything else, you get online in
posted by Namlit at 1:30 PM on September 8, 2015

Please explain the main cause behind your latest AskMe dilemma:

[] reasons
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 1:33 PM on September 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

[] cabal
posted by Namlit at 1:35 PM on September 8, 2015

1. It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
2. You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
3. You're watching television. Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm. How would you react?
4. You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it's crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Gavin. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?
5. Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
6. You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.


That oughta do the trick.
posted by magstheaxe at 1:57 PM on September 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Do you want a banjo?
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:20 AM on September 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

like the guy who left a banjo in the car, and upon returning sees from afar that the window's been smashed, and yes, his worst fears come true when he arrives at the car: TWO banjos on the back seat
?
posted by Namlit at 6:48 AM on September 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

[] Cheese.
posted by Wordshore at 7:49 AM on September 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Have you ever been referred to as "MeFi's Own"?

How did this make you feel?
⭕️ Embarrassed
⭕️ Proud
⭕️ Warm and squishy
⭕️ Conflicted
⭕️ Hungry for beans
posted by egypturnash at 9:19 AM on September 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Have you literally never been referred to as "Mefi's Own"

Now why the hell would that be?
[] nobody owns ME
[] nobody knows me
[] I'm no member
[] People are unimpressed
[] People are far too impressed
[] what is "mefi"?
posted by Namlit at 10:14 AM on September 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Select one of your previous answers to fill in the blank tagline below:

MetaFilter : ________________
posted by Kabanos at 10:24 AM on September 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

agree or disagree: the person with the comment that has the most favorites wins that thread.
posted by dogwalker at 11:12 AM on September 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

What ruined Metafilter?

[] Favorites
[] People bitching about favorites
[] Matt leaving
[] Matt staying on too long
[] Jessamyn leaving
[] Front page titles
[] That one new mod
[] That *other* new mod
[] Mods enforcing political correct groupthink
[] Mods being too lenient in letting users be assholes
[] End of the IMG tag.
[] $5 noobs
[] the Modern theme
[] the professional white background theme
[] overabundance of jokes about the professional white background theme every time Anil says anything
[] People using the @name convention in threads
[] People saying "post" when they mean "comment"
posted by Chrysostom at 12:39 PM on September 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

[] ALL OF THE GODDAMN ABOVE
posted by Etrigan at 12:43 PM on September 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Which of the following is a sandwich?
[] pastrami on rye
[] a hamburger
[] a wrap
[] a (bean) burrito
[] open-faced roast beef with gravy
[] a salad with croutons
[] I don't know, but go make me one
posted by graymouser at 1:44 PM on September 10, 2015

Who do you love?
[] I've got a tombstone hand and a graveyard mind
[] Ooh-ee Bo, I understand
[] Loving compassion for all living things
[] God is love
[] Love yourself first and everything else falls into line
[] Other: ________

How many roads must a man walk down?
[] The higher it flies, the longer
[] These boots were made for walking
[] 42
[] Roads go ever ever on, by streams that never find the sea
[] The bicycle meets all the conditions and will ere long come within the reach of all.

The moon glows on the river, wind rustles the pines. Long night clear evening -- what are they for?
posted by sfenders at 5:40 AM on September 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Here's the subsequent post for The Big MetaFilter Survey 2015. The survey closes tonight, so come on over if you haven't yet.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:54 PM on September 24, 2015 [1 favorite]