Sans quoi? March 10, 2008 5:30 AM Subscribe

Is sansgras the new Kaycee?

netbros and Oriole Adams have started asking questions in her latest thread, and it does seem like something is off.

posted by heatherann to MetaFilter-Related at 5:30 AM (3499 comments total) 55 users marked this as a favorite

I think Oriole Adams is probably correct that we're dealing with this person, in which case closing the sangras account is probably in order.
posted by orange swan at 5:40 AM on March 10, 2008

Ugh. Ban with extreme prejudice.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 5:50 AM on March 10, 2008

May I just slip in a small word of encouragement to people to use links rather than pasting entire multipage articles (or entire song lyrics with every last repetition transcribed, etc) into threads? Please do. Thanks.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:51 AM on March 10, 2008

Could we ban everyone who posts long winded open-ended, over-dramatic relationship questions, fakepost or not?
posted by furiousxgeorge at 5:53 AM on March 10, 2008 [11 favorites]

No way, furiousxgeorge. Some of us like the vicarious drama. We don't all have stoned chihuahuas at home to liven things up.
posted by orange swan at 5:56 AM on March 10, 2008 [9 favorites]

Anyone that prompts responses like this has to be kept around:

Oh god, I didn't realise it was you, sansgras.
posted by smackfu at 5:59 AM on March 10, 2008

Whoa.

I like relationshipfilter questions, but this one smelled weird, so I stopped reading early on.
posted by rtha at 6:02 AM on March 10, 2008

No way, furiousxgeorge. Some of us like the vicarious drama. We don't all have stoned chihuahuas at home to liven things up.

Yeah, but my meth addicted WNBA player sex-addict girlfriend stole that dog when she dumped me and stole my kids and moved to Estonia.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 6:05 AM on March 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

Ditto, rtha. I couldn't put my finger on it, but the joints felt too loose somehow.
posted by tentacle at 6:07 AM on March 10, 2008

Yeah, but my meth addicted WNBA player sex-addict girlfriend stole that dog when she dumped me and stole my kids and moved to Estonia.

I don't know whether to admire your restraint for not posing a relationship/legal issues/health AskMe about that one, or urge you to do so immediately.
posted by orange swan at 6:10 AM on March 10, 2008

I don't know whether to admire your restraint for not posing a relationship/legal issues/health AskMe about that one, or urge you to do so immediately.

Well I don't want my wife to find out about the affair, I just told her I sent the kids to a private school in Europe.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 6:13 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Wouldn't it be more entertaining to flag accounts like this so that all their postings carried the disclaimer "NOTICE: This posting is a form of interactive fiction. You are welcome to participate, but the question is not being asked in earnest."

No? OK. Just a thought.
posted by adamrice at 6:14 AM on March 10, 2008 [20 favorites]

I like adam's idea. I am perverse, and revel in the uncomfortable, so take it with a grain of salt.
posted by Mister_A at 6:23 AM on March 10, 2008

Ditto, rtha. I couldn't put my finger on it, but the joints felt too loose somehow.
posted by tentacle

Eponysterical!

It's funny - I don't usually check someone's posting history unless they specifically reference it, and in this case, I reckon if I had checked it, the smell would've knocked me off my feet instead of just giving me a small headache.

I don't get people who pull this kind of shit.
posted by rtha at 6:23 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well, this is embarrassing. I guess I should read the posting history before trying to answer a question like that one again.
posted by rosebuddy at 6:30 AM on March 10, 2008

Now I'm curious and workplace blocks Encyclopedia Drammatica.
*shakes fist at websense*
posted by pointystick at 6:32 AM on March 10, 2008

Cortex? Jess? It's ok to spike your coffee this morning, we understand.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:34 AM on March 10, 2008

pointystick, an executive summary:

member of LiveJournal pro_ana community
claimed to be all of the following simultaneously: a doctor, married, pregnant with twins, a firefighter
had an LJ community created specifically to pray for her/wish her well
said she was going to Africa to work for Doctors Without Borders
organized a get-together for fellow pro_ana members and then didn't make reservations, plans, or even an appearance

And now apparently she's here.
posted by oaf at 6:38 AM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Encyclopedia Dramatica is down at the moment anyway. But it's in the Google cache.
posted by litlnemo at 6:39 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

You know, if that question were to be set to music, the song would have to be Why, by Annie Lennox.
posted by orange swan at 6:39 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Holy cow.
posted by Miko at 6:39 AM on March 10, 2008

Thanks, guys.
Fishy indeed!
posted by pointystick at 6:40 AM on March 10, 2008

I guess I should read the posting history before trying to answer a question like that one again.

No no no. See, there are those among us with spidey sense, or armies of winged monkeys, or impossible amounts of time, or all of the above. They are able to do the detective work for the rest of us and because of their vigilence you don't have to mistrust questions. Act and interact openly, but know that your every move may be picked over by a crack team of far-flung, minutia-obsessed nerds with long memories, and if you pee in our pool they will find you, and fuck you up.

I am not one of these peacekeepers, but I stand in awe of them, and enjoy the freedoms that their sacrifice affords me.

I'm serious.
posted by dirtdirt at 6:43 AM on March 10, 2008 [24 favorites]

The suspicions were mounting as her claims got wilder and wilder, and the shit finally hit the proverbial fan when she organized a get-together for her fellow pro-anas, and then neglected to make reservations, plans, or even show up, leaving a herd of dazed and angered anas stranded in the middle of Los Angeles.

Is it just me, or is that last clause really damn funny?
posted by orange swan at 6:43 AM on March 10, 2008 [15 favorites]

Fascinating
posted by Wilder at 6:46 AM on March 10, 2008

Response from sansgras in original thread.

I'm always torn with these. The stories are fantastic, but some people really do have messed up, drama-filled lives. How do we tell the difference between Kaycee and Britney if they're posting on AskMe?
posted by heatherann at 6:47 AM on March 10, 2008

For the record, I'm not convinced the post is fake. Could be, but I'll wait to hear what the mods say.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:47 AM on March 10, 2008

This boggles my mind. I addressed many of the issues here in my latest response in my last question, so I hope that clears things up.

Regarding the sansgras issue-- Sansgras was a member on a well-known eating disorder support board. I did not join that board until after she did everything she did. I haven't read the links posted only because I remember reading them initially when they were created by users of the board I'm talking about. I know she claimed to be a doctor, to have lived in Africa, she also stood a bunch of the girls up in California. She was also in her 30s. I can vaguely recall her pictures.

Sans gras = French for "without fat." I can't tell you how many times I've seen my username as a username on eating disorder support sites.

As I mentioned in my response in my latest question, if I wasn't trying to be identifiable, why would I sign up under a username I was using elsewhere? I still haven't googled sansgras, but I really have no need to because I know none of those results are tied to me, considering I haven't used this username until now. I said that a few weeks ago when someone here asked me if Sansgras is my first name.
posted by sansgras at 6:48 AM on March 10, 2008

I hope I never have to ask another question.

So do we.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 6:54 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Well, this is embarrassing. I guess I should read the posting history before trying to answer a question like that one again.

This is why I hate shit like this. This person's need to entertain her/himself has resulted in increasing the amount of cynicism about what one sees on the internet even more, and made it less likely that the commenter will want to participate in AskMe for fear that he or she is being tricked. We could make of the internet any type of world that we want, but instead we have turned it into the kind of place that made me feel the need to sit my mother down and give her a five minute warning about when I found out the she had joined a listserv.

On preview: I hope that your denials are genuine, but you sound like you are lying. I have no way of knowing one way or the other, but people here do, and I look forward to their determination.
posted by ND¢ at 6:56 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I have no way of knowing one way or the other, but people here do, and I look forward to their determination.

Huh? What methods could 'people here' use to determine if she was lying or not? At most, they could see if she was someone's sockpuppet. But if not, then what? Is Matt supposed to lookup her IP, hire a P.I. and have her followed to determine if her stories are real?

Also, responding to your more general point, ND¢, an internet where honesty was mandatory would have to have some pretty extreme enforcement mechanisms. Yes, people lie and try to scam each other. It's annoying but it's better then having some central authority dictating controlling everything and dictating what is and is not 'true'. (I'm talking about the internet in general here, not Metafilter itself)
posted by delmoi at 7:05 AM on March 10, 2008

Very strange, for sure.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:08 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Why would sansgrace join an eating disorder board under the same username as a notoriously repellent shit-monger and liar? Eh? She apparently knew the history of the name when she joined the mysterious board in question:

I haven't read the links posted only because I remember reading them initially when they were created by users of the board I'm talking about.

That sure sounds like, "I read those entries when they were first posted," which means that sansgrace claims to have deliberately joined under the same name, knowing it was the tag of a hated former member, but with the best of intentions. Either that or she/he/it is completely full of shit. By applying the principle known as Occam's razor, sansgrace is probably full of shit.
posted by Mister_A at 7:09 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I am not proposing an internet where honesty is enforced. I suppose I am talking about encouraging honesty through the culture. I suppose the internet is just too big for that.

As for the some people can find out remark, I wasn't trying to sound ominous. It just seems like whenever there is a MeTa thread about who someone is that people seem to find out, and it has never in the past involved Matt hiring a P.I. I don't know how they do it, but they seem to do it.
posted by ND¢ at 7:09 AM on March 10, 2008

I guess that I am expressing my faith in the Mefi detective brigade. They have never let us down yet.

Watch this be the first time. Stupid Mefi detectives, making me look like a jerk.
posted by ND¢ at 7:13 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

We've got our pitchforks out, gotta use them.
posted by smackfu at 7:14 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh man. I'm not sure what was more pathetic - the actual question in that thread or the fact that so many people posted 'dump the loser' in the face of a conjoining of two of the most potentially vapid, self-unaware twits to ever grace the face of the internet. It makes better comedy than reality but I think, unfortunately, it's probably a real person.
posted by docpops at 7:15 AM on March 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

It just seems like whenever there is a MeTa thread about who someone is that people seem to find out

That's true, but sansgras has zero personal information in her profile, and the people who get outed are usually self-linkers who leave a trail of breadcrumbs across the internet in their quest for self-promotion.

But here, there are no leads for the MeFi detective squad to follow, unless you assume that all sansgrases are the same person, in which case you could google the name and come up with all kinds of Drama, I'm sure.

Now, I haven't actually read her questions, and perhaps they are really ridiculous, and maybe that's enough to ban her outright, I really have no idea how Matt would handle this.

But I don't think anyone will actually be able to determine the veracity of her stories, beyond any superficial absurdity.
posted by delmoi at 7:17 AM on March 10, 2008

Why would we want the administrators to ban someone who adds to our enjoyment of the site? That is so backwards. If anything they should ban heatherann for trying to chase away our beloved sansgras!
posted by 1 at 7:19 AM on March 10, 2008

Is Matt supposed to lookup her IP, hire a P.I. and have her followed to determine if her stories are real?

A MeFi P.I. would be the greatest thing ever. Better than Magnum even.

The only question is, what kind of detective would the MeFi P.I. be? Would he be old-school like Sam Spade? A 70s throwback like Shaft? Perhaps a psychic female detective that has visions of MetaFilter evildoers. The possibilities are limitless.
posted by burnmp3s at 7:20 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I am thinking one P.I. just won't cut it. This demands a buddy cop team.
posted by boubelium at 7:22 AM on March 10, 2008

Oooh! Oooh! I want to be MeFi's Magnum PI! I'd live in a beach house, drive an expensive sports car, hang out with fun buddies, and be dating a different, hot man every episode. Then, in the last episode, I'd reveal that Matt Haughey is really Miguel Cardoso. Or should that be the other way around?
posted by orange swan at 7:23 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Peter Falk.
posted by Mister_A at 7:23 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

This makes no sense to me. Why in the world would you choose such a notorious username risking confusion? It's one thing if you randomly made it up and it's a strange coincidence, but you are apparently quite familiar their online history and yet you persist on using that name? That's just... weird.

Orange swan:

leaving a herd of dazed and angered anas stranded in the middle of Los Angeles.

Is it just me, or is that last clause really damn funny?

It's funny because it describes a typical Saturday night on Sunset blvd. ;)
posted by like_neon at 7:24 AM on March 10, 2008

ND¢, lets say honesty is encouraged in the internets, and it works. After a few months exposed to mostly honest people, I would drop my default attitude from highly skeptic to somewhat trusting. I guess most people would do the same. Then someone not familiar with the culture shows up, and starts lying. They could get away with anything.

I welcome the occasional Kaycee immunization and the very frequent giveWell booster shots.
posted by Dr. Curare at 7:25 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

A MeFi P.I. would be the greatest thing ever.

Plus, sansgras would probably notice and start posting askmes about a spooky interloper watching her, following her, always on the edges of her perceptual periphery. And everyone will think she's even crazier*.

_{(*note that crazyness is based on the comments here, not on ready her posts. Maybe they are reasonable, I don't know)}
posted by delmoi at 7:25 AM on March 10, 2008

I know sansgras has claimed she doesn't want to talk about her personal information, but I'm asking everyone else:

Are there many one-year Master's programs? I always thought they were standardly two years.
posted by Ms. Saint at 7:26 AM on March 10, 2008

Here's a one-year M.A. program.
posted by oaf at 7:28 AM on March 10, 2008

Are there many one-year Master's programs? I always thought they were standardly two years.

I have a friend who got a masters in Human Computer Interaction at CMU in like 18 months.
posted by delmoi at 7:28 AM on March 10, 2008

Then someone not familiar with the culture shows up, and starts lying. They could get away with anything.

But now the opposite happens. Everyone that is familiar with the culture of the internet knows to assume that someone is lying to them unless proven otherwise and then my poor sweet momma shows up and is mailing checks to Nigeria and forwarding e-mails so that Bill Gates will send her a dollar.

Note: my momma did not do either of those things, but she is very sweet.
posted by ND¢ at 7:29 AM on March 10, 2008

Clearly one of the mods is up. A comment in the AskMe thread just got torpedoed.
posted by oaf at 7:30 AM on March 10, 2008

I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until she said she had heard of the pro-anorexia board (first I've heard of anything like that - thanks for that link!) and even knew of the previous sansgras drama over there. No way that's a coincidence.
Also, the claims of early graduate dregrees and suchlike reminds me of un owen. Whatever happened to her?
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:30 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

There are plenty of big time Universities that have one year MAs. It is usually in programs in which an MA gets you nowhere and everyone is there to continue on to the Ph. D.
posted by boubelium at 7:32 AM on March 10, 2008

It's kinda weird to pick the name of a much-reviled persona on one community when you join another one. Not sure there is a smoking gun though.
posted by grouse at 7:33 AM on March 10, 2008

Ms. Saint - Yes, there are such things as 1 year Master's programs
posted by like_neon at 7:33 AM on March 10, 2008

I chose the username because I like the meaning. I wouldn't expect people who don't frequent eating disorder message boards to know this, but I've seen sansgras as a username plenty of times. It didn't occur to me that people would think I am Beth for this reason. Even today when I see this username elsewhere, I don't automatically, unconsciously assume that person is Beth.

I discovered MetaFilter through the message board I mentioned earlier, where I am identifiable, so I would imagine that if any of those users saw my questions or this thread, they would recognize who I am.

I didn't think there was a risk of confusion because:

1. The only thing Beth and I have in common is that we both have eating disorders and we were both a member of the same message board, although she was banned and gone a few years before I joined. I only know the story through reading about it elsewhere.

2. I didn't expect that anyone would think that I'm so careless in my quest to be anonymous that I would accidentally choose the same username (assuming I am Beth), the same common French phrase that really isn't all that unique, after already knowing it's linked to so many things.
posted by sansgras at 7:38 AM on March 10, 2008

That question had one of the best parentheticals ever:

(a lot of heavy kissing and touching, yet I was not allowed to touch his parts. He did not have an erection.)
posted by mullacc at 7:41 AM on March 10, 2008

Additonally, I don't understand how I could be banned as a user. I've posted questions, people have answered. I haven't formed close ties with anyone as a means to manipulate them into giving me money or something. I've answered every question. Every suggestion that I am someone else is only speculation. I'm sorry my story is a mess (in terms of content), but that is the reason I came here in the first place. I was looking for objective advice. I hope I never have to ask another question.

Well, you saw the sansgras drama on the eating disorder forum. I linked to the Kaycee Nicole drama in my original post. There have been fake posters on Metafilter, and it pissed us off. We're a bit skittish about potentially being gamed again.

If you're legit, AskMe should be a safe space for you to get objective advice, and I think that it has been until now. People in the situation you've described would do well to move out and become independent, seek therapy, DTMFA, etc. If you're not legit, you can understand why we would be peeved about wasting our time on fictional drama and therefore ban you. Right now we're not sure which situation we're dealing with.

If you are legitimate, please bear with us as we try to sort it out.
posted by heatherann at 7:41 AM on March 10, 2008

The only reason I didn't mention the one year master's program, called an SMP, is because there are only a few of them around (15 or so?), and although I never mentioned my field specifically, I've mentioned other things I want to do professionally-speaking, so it's not difficult to put two and two together and figure out what I'm talking about. Again, with the not wanting to be identifiable.

And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I'm claiming to be 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor.
posted by sansgras at 7:42 AM on March 10, 2008

Here's a link to a list of one year M.S. programs in the U.S., geared toward people who are looking to kill time, increase GPA, etc. before medical school:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=489913
posted by sansgras at 7:46 AM on March 10, 2008

This is all getting very Meta.
posted by Bookhouse at 7:48 AM on March 10, 2008

While this certainly does look suspicious, sansgras says above:

Sans gras = French for "without fat." I can't tell you how many times I've seen my username as a username on eating disorder support sites.

I have no idea whether the latter assertion is true, but if it is—if "sansgras" is a common username—then I'd say she gets the benefit of the doubt.

Either way, I loved this "Amusing quote" from the Encyclopedia Dramatica article:

Bethie,

I tried to communicate with you telepathically. Pretty flakeyville, hunh? I just felt this strong compulsion when I guess I could have been sleeping but I figured I could sleep later, and I did. I hope you wake up soon. We miss you, tht's all. Take your time as you need, I told you, but I really miss you and flakeyville or not, I hope you felt/heard me last night. I keep lighting candles for you, sweetheart. I think of you every day, I really do. I heart you, big time. I'm going to write you a letter and maybe Chris could read it to you. Btw, that postage stamp on the letter you sent to me was so cute! I loved the teddy bear with the presents design of it. I didn't see any US stamps as cute or cool as that one. It's a keeper. :) xo Siobhan

Current Mood: keeping the faith

posted by languagehat at 7:48 AM on March 10, 2008

I am sparatcus.
posted by yhbc at 7:50 AM on March 10, 2008

Omigod, a link! She must be legit. IF THAT URL GOES TO A LEGIT 1-YEAR MASTER'S PROGRAM THEN EVERYTHING SHE HAS SAID IS TRUE!!!11!!

By the way, have you ever wondered what the A stands for?
posted by Mister_A at 7:51 AM on March 10, 2008

Wow. I loved your work in the 80s, Mister_A. (Oh, wait -- sorry, got confused.)
posted by maudlin at 7:54 AM on March 10, 2008

So Mister A, her and now!! Clear it all up for us? Are you going to jump in the race or not? Your country is calling you sir!!
posted by pearlybob at 7:54 AM on March 10, 2008

Grow up, Mister A.

I posted that link to show that one year master's programs are in existence.

I thought the A stood for asinine.
posted by sansgras at 7:55 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

here and now!! damn no edit! Bah!
posted by pearlybob at 7:55 AM on March 10, 2008

I'm voting insane, but probably not a Kaycee. That is, not a sock puppet of the pro-ana Kaycee.

Might be useful to try and get someone from the eating disorder drama to see if they can draw comparisons between the writing styles. Is that LJ still up somewhere?
posted by Ragma at 7:56 AM on March 10, 2008

sansgras, I would back away from this thread, if I were you. If you are who you say you are, nothing you say is going to convince some people otherwise, and if you aren't who you say you are, someone is going to find a smoking gun. Either way, nothing more to be done on your side.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:58 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

You're a boring self-obsessed mouth breather, regardless of your age, education, gender, etc.
posted by Mister_A at 7:58 AM on March 10, 2008

"Grow up, Mister A."

Coming from someone with your AskMe question history, I find this comment extremely odd.
posted by Ragma at 7:58 AM on March 10, 2008

Now would be a good time for everyone to take a smoke or chocolate break.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:00 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

What is life but a series of one-year Master's programs?
posted by mullacc at 8:00 AM on March 10, 2008 [18 favorites]

I have lots of girl scout cookies. I'll share!
posted by pearlybob at 8:01 AM on March 10, 2008

Where are the grownups?
posted by shothotbot at 8:04 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I have the conch bitches!
posted by Mister_A at 8:05 AM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Anyone wanna kill a boar and make boar bacon cups?
posted by furiousxgeorge at 8:06 AM on March 10, 2008

Pig..er Pearlybob slowly puts down the thin mints. Backs away from the fire....
posted by pearlybob at 8:07 AM on March 10, 2008

I am thinking one P.I. just won't cut it. This demands a buddy cop team.

She's a sexy and sassy librarian. He's a musician with multiple web projects. Together, they fight MeFi Crime.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:07 AM on March 10, 2008 [16 favorites]

Cortex is a librarian?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:09 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Where are the grownups?

Still deleting comments.
posted by oaf at 8:10 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Grups don't help.
posted by ND¢ at 8:11 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Maybe I am jaded and cynical, maybe there has just been a terrible dearth of 20 year olds with an interesting combination of advanced degrees and a complete lack of common sense in my life, but quite honestly, sansgras, I have had some trouble believing in you since the second "My father is stalking me" thread. That was when I went through your askme history and went, "Huh." I mean, Doogie Howser went to med school early and still, he managed to figure out stuff like how to rent an apartment and date. I think. It's been a while.

Perhaps all the trauma in your askme questions is true, in which case, sorry, although I don't quite get your total resistance to the perfectly good advice you've already gotten. December to February is not a lot of time, true, but perhaps it was enough to start the process of growing up and shedding the parental shackles as so many people so earnestly advised you to do. But then, what do I know? I had long since moved out, had a kid and was working on a divorce, a job and a degree at 20. That kid herself was working two jobs to pay for her own apartment and going to school full time at 20. Therefore, based on my own anecdotal evidence, hon, I would recommend that if you are for real, it's time to grow up. If you aren't for real, next time, don't repeat yourself two months apart like that.

On preview, curses! The time for lengthy comments is past. Oh well.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:13 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

<ahem>
Metafilter: I hope that your denials are genuine, but you sound like you are lying.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:14 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Well, this is a mess.

Folks, if you could drop it with the one-liners in the askme, that'd be great. Remember those guidelines? They still exist. Thank you.

sansgras, I'm one of the three moderators on the site. I have to admit I agree with a lot of the "this smells" sentiment folks are expressing in here, but I'm not going to write you off based solely on hunch and circumstance, and if you can provide some hard detail that verifies your story I'd be happy to see it.

You've said you're hesitant to publicize details that would create a link between your identity here and elsewhere; if you'd drop me an email to help clear this up, I'm fine keeping the details private. My email is listed in my profile, here.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:15 AM on March 10, 2008

Seconding TPS. This is no place for rational discourse, legitimate self-defense, etc.
posted by not_on_display at 8:16 AM on March 10, 2008

I know a 21 yo who talks exactly like this. So I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

And also tell her to GROW THE HELL UP ALREADY and IF YOU REALLY ARE AN "OLD SOUL" START ACTING IT ALREADY AND GYOFB.
posted by dw at 8:16 AM on March 10, 2008

Doogie Howser lived at home with his parents, who may or may not have been stalking him. Also, dating as a homosexual teenaged doctor was probably a complicated mess.

There was, like, this one time? Where he finally got this date, with, like, this girl he really liked? And during the date she got, like, appendicitis? And he, like, had to take her to the hospital and operate on her? And he, like, totally had to ask if she was a virgin for, like, some medical reason? It was, like, totally awkward! Then he, like, went home and wrote about it in his journal. Totally a mess. That might be when he decided he was the ghey or something.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:23 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

...Together, they fight MeFi Crime.

I'd totally watch that.
posted by Skorgu at 8:24 AM on March 10, 2008

Does vaguely describing 80's TV shows pass for wit around here nowadays?
posted by ND¢ at 8:24 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Isn't that "teh ghey" ?
posted by Mister_A at 8:24 AM on March 10, 2008

Looking at Sansgras/Beth's Livejournal last night, I observed that she was claiming to be a 24-year-old M.D. who teaches at a university. This Sansgras is 20 either with or working on a master's degree. So I guess they're both child prodigies?

Also, I've never heard of a forum which either technologically or by policy releases usernames of banned members for re-use.
posted by loiseau at 8:25 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Was that before or after he was Lee Harvey Oswald?
posted by oaf at 8:25 AM on March 10, 2008

Yes, that struck me as suspicious too, loiseau.
posted by Mister_A at 8:27 AM on March 10, 2008

"And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I'm claiming to be 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor."

You see, the claims, they are different! A doctor-firefighter-pregnant-mother would never claim to be something she's not!
posted by klangklangston at 8:29 AM on March 10, 2008

After he was Wallace Cleaver Den Beste and before he was Ron Paul Harvey Oswald
posted by y2karl at 8:31 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

a master's degree

In a field related to medicine, no less.
posted by oaf at 8:32 AM on March 10, 2008

I admit it: Sansgras is my sockpuppet!

/isn't well-known enough to have a sockpuppet
posted by shakespeherian at 8:33 AM on March 10, 2008

Skinny people are beautiful AND smart. Duh.
posted by The Bellman at 8:36 AM on March 10, 2008

Can someone explain what this post means? I can't figure it out.
posted by loiseau at 8:36 AM on March 10, 2008

If any Mefi Detectives need a Sergeant Lewis or Troy, my number is in the book. I'll be happy to make incorrect assumptions while providing inspiration to your deductive reasoning.

Barring that, if someone wants to team up and be the Herc to my Carver, we can bust some Mefi Heads the Western District Way.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:36 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

"And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I'm claiming to be 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor."

Shouldn't that say "And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I am 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor."

?
posted by iconomy at 8:39 AM on March 10, 2008 [27 favorites]

leaving a herd of dazed and angered anas stranded in the middle of Los Angeles.

The dazed herd -- feeling quite faint due to the lack of food and mid-day sun -- began wandering aimlessly in the direction of South Central L.A. Fortunately, a wandering pack of Overeaters Anonymous cowboys were able to rustle up the herd and steer them back towards the protective, welcoming confines of Beverly Hills.
posted by pardonyou? at 8:42 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

furiousxgeorge: "Could we ban everyone who posts long winded open-ended, over-dramatic relationship questions, fakepost or not?"

Could we ban everyone who answers long winded open-ended, over-dramatic relationship questions? Cut off their oxygen and the lunatics will be more likely to stay with LJ.
posted by meehawl at 8:46 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Setting aside the truth of the details for a moment, where my alarm goes off is Sansgras's in-thread responses.

Sansgras, you have people posting responses to your question, and you only pick up what a small few are saying. You don't seem to consider reasonable advice- you are stuck thinking and talking what you want to talk about. That is fine, in a sense, but true growth will come when you consider *all* of what people are trying to tell you, even if it hurts because it is true.

When you dodge/don't response to some of the comments, you remind me of the ebay scammer that posted questions to AskMe. That is what sets off the alarms for me.
posted by Monday at 8:49 AM on March 10, 2008

If sansgras is fraudulent, then y'all are providing him/her with the exact kind of entertainment they're out to get in the first place.
posted by sciurus at 8:52 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

...Together, they fight MeFi Crime.

In the dystopian future of MeFi, the pre-cog versions of Jess, Matt, and Cortex will be able to detect a bad post before it happens and lower the ban hammer before we even have a chance to snark.
posted by boubelium at 8:54 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Barring that, if someone wants to team up and be the Herc to my Carver, we can bust some Mefi Heads the Western District Way.

*shaves head, packs on pounds*
posted by jonmc at 8:54 AM on March 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

Well, pathetic may be too strong a word. But it really is shocking that anyone could read her query and not be awestruck by the vapidity and shallowness of it, and in response think that some well-crafted coda is going to somehow be seen as enlightening by a person that would post such purple horseshit. Worse yet, everything she's already said in her post makes it clear that she openly or subconsciously has nothing but disdain for people that actually treat her with respect. These people don't need more of your time and when you give it to them they think you're a rube for trying. But carry on just the same if it keeps them off the streets a minute longer.
posted by docpops at 8:56 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Welcome back, jonmc.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:57 AM on March 10, 2008

Meanwhile, what happened here?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:02 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

What a crazy Monday morning! Got to go to lunch now... I hope I don't miss anything when I'm gone.
posted by yeti at 9:04 AM on March 10, 2008

Pony request: Can someone read through AskMe to get to the really good ones like this and post a compilation list? I can not slog through innumerable queries about speaker cables and carnauba wax, but I do enjoy these clusterfuck questions.
posted by Mister_A at 9:05 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't know how much of sansgras's story is exaggerated or made up -- the name thing is totally fishy.

But I work with biomedical researchers, and can say that 20-year-olds with master's degrees aren't unicorns. She'd even have time to graduate from high school at the normal time and do a two-year master's.
posted by desuetude at 9:06 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Are you calling me crazy, yeti?
posted by Monday at 9:07 AM on March 10, 2008

I'm thinking this, and I'm inclined to be sympathetic. There are three possibilities:

1.These postings could be a complete put-on, a total calculated stunt.
2. These postings could reflect a genuine identity but contain an incredible amount of 3. prevarication (there are a lot of factual inconsistencies).
Or they could be completely, bizarrely true, at least in the main.

If it's anything other than 1, we have an OP here with some really very serious personal problem. So my sense of this is that we are seeing a personal mental health crisis. Whether her drama is real or not is less important than the fact that she needs to secure professional help, one way or the other, ASAP, even if it's just driving directly to the ER or the women's shelter next time instead of going to class. The convoluted thinking, the confusion, the desperation, and the neediness are screamingly clear.

Heck, those things are true even in the case of #1.

I'm disuturbed and perhaps a bit enlighted by the mention in the first AskMe that "I have to drown myself in benzodiazepines if I want to simply interact with the guy in any manner." The Wikipedia page also says "Benzodiazepines can cause a wide range of significant behavioral disturbances and cognitive impairment. Cognitive deficits, including concentration and memory-processing problems, are a well-known adverse effect of benzodiazepines and occur at prescribed dose levels."

In the 3rd posting medication shows up again: "I am also back on anti-depressants. I summoned the courage to see my GP, and I'm now on an SSRI and a benzo. She wants me to see a psychiatrist and a therapist before she continues to see me anymore. "

On March 1 she notes that the present relationship (about which she made the most recent post) is ending with the male's rejection of her, and also that she is "tapering herself of the Lexapro" in advance of moving out secretly, "...and this also worries me because it helps so much. I don't have the energy to feel any worse."

No wonder this is all so nutty. For one thing, messing around with administering and then withdrawing from your own meds will spin your head every time. Stop! Call your doctor!

There are hints of a lying problem. She says in the first post she's working full-time, in the third that she's working part-time. As to the other message board and the "sansgras" name, she says in an earliler thread "I realize my posts come up easily through a Google search. I haven't given away any identifying details, my username is one I made up for this site only...", which has been contradicted in this thread. There are claims of having never dated, then claims of "dating" several people, though it's not clear what "dating" means (could mean phone conversations or sex appointments). So I don't think truthfulness is a strong suit here, but I also don't think that necessarily invalidates the entire rest of the story. Someone who has a deeply messed-up family situation, skewed sense of self-worth, history of disorders, and changes in psychotropic drug use going on might have illusions, shelteredess, and a weaker sense of reality going on than we generally expect.

My bottom line: I see a lot of effort to sneaking around, trying to fix and perfect every aspect of a life that isn't working. It's not helping. If the story's true, you might consider getting to a women's shelter immediately. They'll help you figure out everything else about jobs, cellphones, and rent, but for your own health and safety, it seems you need to take some definitive action.

You're not thinking straight. Get help, girlfriend. Stet.
posted by Miko at 9:08 AM on March 10, 2008 [27 favorites]

But I work with biomedical researchers, and can say that 20-year-olds with master's degrees aren't unicorns.

I work with biomedical researchers too, and have never met a 20-year-old with a master's degree.

She'd even have time to graduate from high school at the normal time and do a two-year master's.

No, she wouldn't, unless her undergraduate degree took less than a year.
posted by grouse at 9:10 AM on March 10, 2008

Miko, you're awesome.
posted by Mister_A at 9:13 AM on March 10, 2008

In world of Keyser Sozes, TylerDurden72s and DIEMBAGRULZ, having a username like sansgras doesn't seem so out of the ordinary. For what its worth, I give her the benefit of the doubt in the absence of a FireFox plugin or Greasemonkey script entitled "HonestChecker™" For fucksakes, I've been gamed before on the web and I'm sure I will again (remember Plain Layne?) but my computer didn't explode, my bank account wasn't emptied and I can still get an erection (ok I lied - my monitor did burn out). I trust that most of our membership is able to sniff this shit out quicker than a bloodhound at a fish-fry. To me it seems this trail leads nowhere.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:15 AM on March 10, 2008

Is "fat-free" a common pseudonym on weight-centered forums or is it simply the french translation that's common (if it is indeed common)?
posted by Skorgu at 9:15 AM on March 10, 2008

Meanwhile, what happened here?

TPS, I really don't know. The thread was messy when I got up and when I noticed that the user has closed her account, I just decided to close the thread.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:17 AM on March 10, 2008

^loiseau: Secret Squirrel was a cartoon character. aeschenkarnos was saying that if:
- OP's story is true, and you advise as true: win-win
- OP's story is true, you advise as false: it could be messy.
- OP's story is false, you advise as true: you just got some good practice.
- OP's story is false, you advise as false: You are Secret Squirrel.

So, if you knew the answer to that question before you commented, I just got some good practice.
posted by not_on_display at 9:18 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Being a 20 year old with a masters doesn't sound that implausible to me.

I graduated from high school at 17 (my birthday's in July), started college at 18, and graduated a year early, a few months shy of my 21st birthday. If I'd skipped a grade or two in elementary school I could easily have had time to get a masters in there.

OR DID I?
posted by fuzzbean at 9:18 AM on March 10, 2008 [9 favorites]

Is "fat-free" a common pseudonym on weight-centered forums or is it simply the french translation that's common (if it is indeed common)?

My google for sansgras didn't reveal much aside from the metafilter posts, the pro-an stuff, and a gnomish WoW player. I didn't know gnomes could get anorexia.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:22 AM on March 10, 2008

Gnomes are low-fat, not fat-free. They go good with mustard and rye bread.
posted by Mister_A at 9:23 AM on March 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

My brother at age 16 (also a July bday), skipped his senior year to go on to college. Finished a 4 year degree in 3, graduated college at 19 and had his Masters at 21. It was a 2-year program though. So I guess it can be done if the stars allign correctly...
posted by pearlybob at 9:24 AM on March 10, 2008

Am I the only one who had to look up "pro-ana" in wikipedia?
posted by octothorpe at 9:25 AM on March 10, 2008

Nope.
posted by Mister_A at 9:25 AM on March 10, 2008

Dagnabit Jonmc, I just noticed you came back. Now I have to add you back as a contact. Just for that, I'm marking you as a "sweetheart."
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:25 AM on March 10, 2008

Also, the claims of early graduate dregrees and suchlike reminds me of un owen. Whatever happened to her?

Setting aside the truth of the details for a moment, where my alarm goes off is Sansgras's in-thread responses.

Yep, those were the two things that flipped the suspicion switch for me. I posted my first response under the impression of "Oh yeah: dramatic 20-year-old girl, with a tendency to overanalyze everything -- i rememberwhat that was like." My second response came after taking a very perfunctory glance at the "my dad is abusing me" threads, which I hadn't read before.

But then, when she comes back with the "I want the Bobby to my Whitney" (and, as an aside: what year is this that all the kids are idolizing Bobby Brown/Whitney Houston as the sexy dysfunctional drama to emulate? I mean, they're not even on TV anymore, no?), it was clear that she is either purposely yanking some chains, or is seriously in need of help. She doesn't want advice, she wants attention. Whether it's attention for an entirely made-up drama, or attention for an actual train wreck in progress, she seems to want witnesses rather than help. But that's exactly what she needs, in either case.
posted by scody at 9:25 AM on March 10, 2008

Gnomes are low-fat, not fat-free. They go good with mustard and rye bread.

Don't have to tell me, I play an undead warlock. Gnomes are an integral part of the diet.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:25 AM on March 10, 2008

My spidey sense agrees with the call of "bullshit."

I also noticed what iconomy pointed out, "Shouldn't that say 'And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I am 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor.'?" If you weren't Beth, you'd not give a hoot about how your story sounded in comparison to hers. Like the detectives say, you just don't act like a truly innocent suspect would.

And I also don't believe that an internet community, even one full of admittedly sick people, would allow a new different user to adopt the name of an old shit-stirrer that was gone.

And, "Why would I use a name that you could easily Google?" is also a bullshit response. We don't go around googling all new users, all the time. Anyone who'd been lurking here for even the shortest amount of time would appreciate that the sheer size of the membership prevents that sort of vetting, especially since this a general-interest site. So, I would assume, sansgras, that you felt you could slip in under the radar, with a group of folks that (for the most part) are too well-hinged that there would be a risk of overlap with the other community.

So, your logical defenses, aren't. Merely specious and truthy. And you've admitted to being on the same board as the original crazy person.

While it appears that the mods have decided you haven't done anything that breaks the rules here, I hope you realize that if you are trying to work drama here, you are merely a Little League pitcher trying to play with the New York Yankees' starting rotation. Enjoy the lights and the roar of the crowd while it lasts, because your every move here is going to be watched. Don't forget: the whole world was taken in by Kaycee Nicole, and you're prancing around among the gang of bloodhounds that sniffed out the fraud.

And if you're for real, then keep on keeping on, and truth will eventually redeem you, and those of us who doubted you will apologize, and it'll all be fine. And, get help, like Miko said -- because whether you're crazy-but-not-that-other-crazy-girl or crazy-but-a-brand-new-crazy, you're still... yep. Crazy.
posted by pineapple at 9:26 AM on March 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

docpops: Well, pathetic may be too strong a word. But it really is shocking that anyone could read her query and not be awestruck by the vapidity and shallowness of it, and in response think that some well-crafted coda is going to somehow be seen as enlightening by a person that would post such purple horseshit.

Well, to be fair, someone did recommend she read the Bible of vapidity, He's Just Not That Into You.
posted by loiseau at 9:31 AM on March 10, 2008

Definitely can pearlybob, I'm just saying that you can't graduate "at the normal time" and do it unless you finish your undergrad degree within a year. I would define the normal time as being at least 17 at college matriculation.
posted by grouse at 9:31 AM on March 10, 2008

The member does not seem to have violated any guidelines. The member appears to be in need of psychiatric help. Why not answer the questions honestly with the need for psychiatric help in mind?

If any or all of it is accurate, or a pack of paranoid delusions, honest expressions of concern, and useful answers, may help, and seem unlikely to hurt.

Miko, is, in fact, awesome.
posted by theora55 at 9:32 AM on March 10, 2008

I don't understand why her questions pass the sniff test at all, real or fake. She doesn't seem to care about the answers given, and her questions just seem like a chatfilter-y version of "my pseudo-boyfriend/stalking dad sucks, amirite?"
posted by fermezporte at 9:32 AM on March 10, 2008

I can almost hear Russell Crowe shouting, "Are you not entertained?"
posted by ikkyu2 at 9:33 AM on March 10, 2008 [14 favorites]

Can we go back to the part where there were pro-ana people? What does that even mean? Like are they pro-eating disorder with full knowledge that it is a disorder? Or are they just pro-really, really thin people? What would these kind of people discuss on a dedicated pro-ana forum? That food is gross?
posted by dios at 9:34 AM on March 10, 2008

Miko is pretty neat. also, jonmc is back? should that be called a Uuuuuuhw?
posted by shmegegge at 9:34 AM on March 10, 2008

It's funny how Internet trolls can be so creative with their fictional scenarios, yet so unimaginitve when creating new usernames. Oh well, I'm sure that doesn't apply here at all...
posted by junkbox at 9:38 AM on March 10, 2008

loiseau : Can someone explain what this post means? I can't figure it out.

This is a coded challenge. Kind of like how, in World War 2 the French Resistance might say: "The fox in in the hedge" to which the response of "The falcon is in the tree" would get you safe passage through enemy lines.

"Three Cheers For Secret Squirrel" requires a reply of "Because he's a bit of a nut" and will get you a 10% discount at Applebees and a choice of smoked and aged cheddars from the Cheese of the Month club.

You just have to know the right people to ask.
posted by quin at 9:43 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

dios said: "Can we go back to the part where there were pro-ana people? What does that even mean? Like are they pro-eating disorder with full knowledge that it is a disorder? Or are they just pro-really, really thin people? What would these kind of people discuss on a dedicated pro-ana forum? That food is gross?"

They're pro-anorexia, basically. They know it's technically an eating disorder in that it isn't normal or what so-called doctors would call "so-called" "healthy," but they don't believe it's harmful to them. They talk about ways to avoid detection at school and by parents and friends and in social situations. They talk about ways to take in minimal amounts of calories for the maximum nutrition needed to stay alive, and they share techniques and recommendations for purging, laxatives, where to buy children's-sized clothes that can pass for adult designs. They share pictures and tell each other how beautiful they are, and reaffirm messages like "You can never be too thin!" and "You have to be thin to be popular!" and "Size 6 is fat and disgusting!"

It's really, really sick stuff. They basically encourage and enable all the absolute worst, most toxic behaviors in each other -- because like so many anorexics, they can get what they need in private.

This is the kind of stuff that makes my shoulder angel and shoulder devil go mad. "But it's the First Amendment!" "But they're committing group suicide, essentially!" "But they have that right!" "But what if it's children posting? Minors?" "That's on the ISP and host and siteowner, it's not your problem!" Ad aeternum.
posted by pineapple at 9:45 AM on March 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

It's funny how Internet trolls can be so creative with their fictional scenarios, yet so unimaginitve when creating new usernames. Oh well, I'm sure that doesn't apply here at all...

It must be like the hackers who just have to brag about what they did on usenet or irc, it's no fun if no one knows what you did, or in this case that you managed to pull the same type of stunt twice.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:45 AM on March 10, 2008

Pathological people have access to the internet, too.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:51 AM on March 10, 2008

> This is the kind of stuff that makes my shoulder angel and shoulder devil go mad. "But it's the First Amendment!" "But they're committing group suicide, essentially!" "But they have that right!" "But what if it's children posting? Minors?" "That's on the ISP and host and siteowner, it's not your problem!" Ad aeternum.

In this, it's very much the same as a.s.h for me - a place where I don't mind admitting I spent a great deal of my early 20s...

I've known anorexics, and it is, like most "mental" illnesses, the case that there can be no recovery before there's an admission of a problem, and places like a.s.h or pro-ana give sufferers a place where people basically say "but this isn't a problem for us!" As you say, issues of free speech come into play, and also, perhaps (which came to be my belief with a.s.h) the fact that any support is better than none at all for some of these people.
posted by benzo8 at 9:56 AM on March 10, 2008

This thread certainly backs up your assertion, Dave.
posted by Mister_A at 9:57 AM on March 10, 2008

Where I said "stet," it should read "stat." Thanks to a helpful MeFite for pointing out my error. I meant to emphasize: right away.
posted by Miko at 10:00 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

She'd even have time to graduate from high school at the normal time and do a two-year master's.

No, she wouldn't, unless her undergraduate degree took less than a year.

Dammit. You're right grouse -- she'd have to graduate early. I should lay off doing anything that involves counting in the am.

But I do know 20-year-olds with graduate degrees. (Concurrent college/HS enrollment then straight to masters.)
posted by desuetude at 10:10 AM on March 10, 2008

"Stet" works too, though. "Let it be written: you need help! If anyone said otherwise, it was a mistake!"
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:11 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

benzo8 said: "In this, it's very much the same as a.s.h for me - a place where I don't mind admitting I spent a great deal of my early 20s..."

American Society of Hematology? I don't mean to be flip, but I Googled and couldn't find this a.s.h. You don't have to say it aloud if you are trying to avoid the Google, but I'm just curious.

"As you say, issues of free speech come into play, and also, perhaps (which came to be my belief with a.s.h) the fact that any support is better than none at all for some of these people."

I guess. I've never spent time on those boards nor have anorexia, so I can't really speak to what the participants get from it... but it just seems that "support" of the deadliest of the behaviors is far worse than "none at all." It's not like they're all supporting each other in recovery. They're supporting each other to continue killing themselves. It seems to me like the mob mentality only serves to strengthen and perpetuate the illnesses.
posted by pineapple at 10:11 AM on March 10, 2008

I have a friend who got a masters in Human Computer Interaction at CMU in like 18 months.

I'll bet he used Linux and smelled bad!
posted by ludwig_van at 10:12 AM on March 10, 2008

I agree with CunningLinguist, this just screams un owen's drama. The complicated as hell back story. The need to post a long thread putting all the pieces together, with a "hope that helps" tone. It just all seems calculated and made up at the same time, that it's easy to see why it raises suspicions.
posted by piratebowling at 10:14 AM on March 10, 2008

dios - it's a really very disturbing scene, one that revolves around promoting anorexia as a lifestyle rather than an illness. So, eg., community members will exchange tips on how to hide the extent of their anorexia, swap inspirational (or 'thinspirational') images of emaciated people, organise group fasting sessions, &c.. So, yeah, 'food is gross' is a big part of it. There are even sub-subcultures, like Emo Thinspiration, and sites devoted to bulimic purging - 'pro-mia' - rather than not eating.

That's at the more extreme end of things, anyway: some pro-ana communities are really, or at least claim to be, support groups for folk with anorexia, and do admit that it's a disorder rather than a lifestyle thing.

Health professionals tend to take a very dim view - funnily enough - of the whole pro-ana scene, and in the UK at least, there have been attempts to have sites shut down - I think Yahoo! have shut down some sites/mailing lists, but most of the social network sites tend to leave them be, and it seems to be a pretty big scene on LiveJournal especially.

Oop, on preview: what everyone else just said.
posted by jack_mo at 10:14 AM on March 10, 2008

American Society of Hematology? I don't mean to be flip, but I Googled and couldn't find this a.s.h. You don't have to say it aloud if you are trying to avoid the Google, but I'm just curious.

alt.sex.harrypotter. Duh.
posted by mullacc at 10:16 AM on March 10, 2008

alt.sex.h?????????
posted by yhbc at 10:19 AM on March 10, 2008

In this, it's very much the same as a.s.h for me - a place where I don't mind admitting I spent a great deal of my early 20s...

alt.sex.horses? I'd keep quiet about that if I were you. They tend to be a bit judgemental about that stuff around here...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:27 AM on March 10, 2008

>American Society of Hematology?

rofl! No, sorry - a.s.h = alt.suicide.holiday, a USENET group originally set up to discuss why the suicide rate increased around the holiday season, which rapidly morphed to be a waiting room (a bus stop, in fact, was the parlance) for people feeling suicidal and/or planning suicide.

> alt.sex.harrypotter. Duh.

OK, now that's just (wizard-)fucking funny!
posted by benzo8 at 10:28 AM on March 10, 2008

Previous discussion of a Pro-Ana site, on MeFi.

I stand by what I said in that thread. If I had a daughter with an eating disorder, I would keep her as far away from other eating disordered people as I could.
posted by orange swan at 10:28 AM on March 10, 2008

Oh, I thought she meant pro-Ana.

Never mind.
posted by SteveInMaine at 10:31 AM on March 10, 2008

Get help, girlfriend. Stet.

I thought it was 'Stat.' Unless "Stet" is a new medication or something.
posted by jonmc at 10:31 AM on March 10, 2008

Brandon Blatcher: Now would be a good time for everyone to take a smoke or chocolate break.

The best tasting thing ever (in my opinion) is a piece of Ghirardelli dark chocolate washed down by a vanilla frappucino. Of course, I quit smoking. :(
posted by desjardins at 10:33 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I thought it was 'Stat.' Unless "Stet" is a new medication or something.

She corrected herself already. Also, I prefer to think she was saying that switching to a Stetson (from a fedora, natch) would somehow help.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:38 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Thanks, orange swan. I knew we'd seen that before, but didn't realize it'd been so long ago.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:39 AM on March 10, 2008

Also, I prefer to think she was saying that switching to a Stetson (from a fedora, natch) would somehow help.

Well, it'd hold ten gallons of booze, which couldn't be bad.
posted by jonmc at 10:39 AM on March 10, 2008

I knew what pro-ana was (thank you very much Randal K. Milholland) without Googling, but a.s.h. I had to look up.
posted by Johnny Assay at 10:43 AM on March 10, 2008

The best tasting thing ever (in my opinion) is a piece of Ghirardelli dark chocolate washed down by a vanilla frappucino. Of course, I quit smoking. :(

Gee thanks, now guess what I'm craving? Hint: It's not a ciggie.
posted by konolia at 10:46 AM on March 10, 2008

A hat full of booze?
posted by jonmc at 10:52 AM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

speaking of a.s.h, there's also an irc channel called #alt.suicide.bus.stop for anyone who might be interested.
posted by yeoz at 11:04 AM on March 10, 2008

what this person did to an ANA group was rather callous and possibly despicable. ANA people don't need any help being jaded and that certainly didn't provide any healing...not that they necessarily were looking for it. I agree completely with pineapple.

I don't think bad behavior should be rewarded generally but I also think that we're not going to stop it from happening and we might as well provide a safe outlet for it.
posted by wantwit at 11:08 AM on March 10, 2008

I know how frustrating it is to have given your time, attention, and emotional energy to helping a person who decieved you. I had a friend in high school who lied to a few people about having cancer, and I was furious when I found out that she was lying.

That said, at this point, the basis for the assertion that sansgras is a fraud is basically a "feeling." Perhaps that feeling is right, but for now, I wonder if we couldn't show a little kindness to sansgras, who may very well be a real person working through some very serious issues.

If you find her postings annoying or immature, I understand -- sometimes I also lose patience with my friends when they won't take my advice. I just want to remind everyone that most people aren't really very mature at 20 (no matter how many degrees they've racked up). If sangras has told us a true story about herself, then she has had to deal with emotional abuse and is isolated from people who could help her. She may not have developed strong coping skills. It's not very surprising that she's acting out in unhealthy ways.

It would be unfortunate if the thrill of the hunt distracted us from an opportunity to help someone.
posted by prefpara at 11:22 AM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

but a.s.h. I had to look up.

How the hell did you find it? I tried, but like pineapple I just came up with American Society of Hematology.

Also, fedoras rule.
posted by languagehat at 11:22 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: a safe outlet for bad behaviour
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:22 AM on March 10, 2008

How the hell did you find it?

freedictionary.com is usually helpful with acronyms...
posted by nzero at 11:26 AM on March 10, 2008

Er, thefreedictionary.com, excuse me.
posted by nzero at 11:27 AM on March 10, 2008

And, after posting and actually googling it, it's the fourth result...
posted by nzero at 11:28 AM on March 10, 2008

Languagehat: I googled a.s.h. usenet to find it.
posted by aspo at 11:28 AM on March 10, 2008

And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I'm claiming to be 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor.

I know klang and iconomy already called this particular bit of weirdness out, but again: what the fuck? (Or, as I imagine Andy Samberg shrieking whilst dressed as Diablo Cody: waddle the duck?!?! I was a stripper!)

Even if sansgras is indeed -- as prefpara very compassionately notes above -- a troubled person with poor coping skills acting out in unhealthy ways, the phrasing of "I'm claiming" rather than "I am" just amplifies the hinky factor. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but that line just sort of stops me cold.
posted by scody at 11:40 AM on March 10, 2008

No, she wouldn't, unless her undergraduate degree took less than a year.

Suppose that she graduated high school at 16. That's early, but not all that uncommon. Taking summer courses, it's pretty common to get an undergrad degree in three years and take some grad courses at the same time.

I can believe that a 20-year-old has a Master's, but I can't believe that one would be able to get a date.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 11:42 AM on March 10, 2008

She corrected herself already.

Interestingly enough, saying 'stet' when you meant something else is the one error than can't be corrected. It's the editorial equivalent of division by zero.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:45 AM on March 10, 2008 [38 favorites]

My head hurts.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:47 AM on March 10, 2008

And if I was Beth, the integral part of her story is that she claims to be a doctor. I'm claiming to be 20, a former graduate student, not a doctor.

Honestly, to be fair, I can imagine saying something like this myself— it's pretty clumsy, rhetorically, but makes sense if you read it as someone trying to point out that the claims are different, and therefore the noted similarities don't matter. I don't think the 'I'm claiming' is very suspicious. Dumb-sounding, but not suspicious.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:47 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Suppose that she graduated high school at 16.

I would not define that as graduating at the "normal time," and desuetude has admitted that her statement does not hold water.
posted by grouse at 11:48 AM on March 10, 2008

I'm not claiming that I'm mean, I'm just claiming that I once shot a man for snoring too loud.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:58 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

So what did ever become of unowen?
posted by acorncup at 12:08 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I would not define that as graduating at the "normal time," and desuetude has admitted that her statement does not hold water.

On the other hand, graduating at 17 is normal, and it's conceivable to have a Master's three years later with concurrent HS and undergrad courses and concurrent undergrad and grad courses. I don't believe for a second that this is what she's done, though, since she's clearly lying about her history.

But my point is that it is possible, even for folks who never skipped a grade.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 12:15 PM on March 10, 2008

"It would be unfortunate if the thrill of the hunt distracted us from an opportunity to help someone."

Even if we accept that this is real - which seems wildly dubious at this point - there isn't any help to be done here. There is some AskMe history here, and the person isn't taking any of the good advise given. Right? If it was just once I would agree, but this is a serial narative where the poster is clearly not being helped. We are enabling rather than helping. And what would we be helping exactly? The "question" in this last instance is just a blog post.

Straight up - The idea that maybe we should "help" by letting someone like this post their latest train wreck installment seems like a bad idea.
posted by Ragma at 12:20 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

prefpara wrote: It would be unfortunate if the thrill of the hunt distracted us from an opportunity to help someone.

The problem with people who pull this sort of stunt is that the undermine our confidence in everybody. Take you, for example:

sansgras arrives here in December 07. You arrive here in January 08.
sansgras claims to have just completed a postgrad degree. You post asking for advice on which postgrad degree to choose.
sansgras/beth is from San Francisco. Weirdly, you also appear to be from San Francisco.
'dr' beth/sansgras's livejournal claims her favourite subjects were psychology and histology. You post asking about psychology masters degrees.
beth/sangras worst memory? "finding out my best friend had cancer". Whereas you write: "I had a friend in high school who lied to a few people about having cancer, and I was furious when I found out that she was lying."

Coincidences? Who knows?

I think this bit though, is probably absolutely true:

If sangras has told us a true story about herself, then she has had to deal with emotional abuse and is isolated from people who could help her. She may not have developed strong coping skills. It's not very surprising that she's acting out in unhealthy ways.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:24 PM on March 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

Even if sansgras is indeed -- as prefpara very compassionately notes above -- a troubled person with poor coping skills acting out in unhealthy ways, the phrasing of "I'm claiming" rather than "I am" just amplifies the hinky factor. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but that line just sort of stops me cold

I actually read the "I'm claiming" bit to be sarcasm that should've been in quotes to make that obvious.

/not disputing the hinky, tho
posted by desuetude at 12:25 PM on March 10, 2008

If prefpara and sangras are posting from the same IP, I will never stop laughing.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:32 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

In all honesty, I'd accept her story as true with the catch that self-deception and self-contradiction go hand-in-hand and she probably isn't quite sure how to frame the details of her own life. Anyone who's devoted all her time to working, school, and avoiding an abusively crazy father isn't going to have time for a real love life, nor is she likely to be emotionally receptive to a healthy one. I'd like to wish mefi's sansgras, assuming she's telling her story as she perceives it, a good period of self-reflection where she figures out that not everything in life has to be a challenge, and that emotional availability at the expense of being hurt is worth it. No one who has led such a tense life should be forcing sexual get-togethers instead of making the time to date.

But yeah, she's pretty much ignored anyone who's said to get into a different space, slow down, and go out and find herself.
posted by mikeh at 12:38 PM on March 10, 2008

Even if we accept that this is real - which seems wildly dubious at this point - there isn't any help to be done here.

I disagree. I don't think immediate change as a direct result of mefi advice is the only kind of "help." I think that even if all that happens is that we give a person in trouble good advice, we've helped them. It takes time for change to take place.

What I see as a real danger here, however, is that sansgras may really be in unusual and very difficult circumstances. She came here, and found a safe space where she could talk openly about her problems, and she recieved good advice, some of which she took. Wouldn't it be terrible if the final lesson she took away from this was that she needs to make sure never to open up to people about her problems because they'll disbelieve her, jump all over her for lacking a buddha-like calm in the face of parental rejection, and mock her sincere pain and her fumbling attempts to deal with it?

If you think people with problems like hers don't belong here, surely there must be a kinder way of making that happen than what has been said on this thread and in her original post.

PeterMcDermott, I agree that in a community such as this one, which relies on an implicit honor code, liars harm everyone. What confuses me is that you seem to be saying that the harm is that the people who have been misled will overreact in the future, seeing lies where there are none. I agree that that is a problem, and I am suggesting that some of that may be happening here, where I see people jumping to conclusions based on intuition and theories. So I think we may actually be in agreement.
posted by prefpara at 12:39 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

PeterMcDermott, you might just be on to something. Prefara's history is very slight, yet there are interesting points about it.

- Prefpara's one post to AskMe asking about post grad programs is "posted for a friend". This friend is from an immigrant, Mediterranean family, like Sansgras.
- Prefpara has only made four comments on the blue... all of which were in the fake gangster memoir thread.
- Several of Prefpara's 16 comments on the green, and her only comments to the gray, were made in Sansgras's threads.
posted by orange swan at 12:45 PM on March 10, 2008

Oh, I thought she meant pro-Ana.

Never mind.

She's my fave.
posted by anazgnos at 12:45 PM on March 10, 2008

Next on metafilter mysteries: peter mcdermott, ftw?
posted by milarepa at 12:49 PM on March 10, 2008

- Several of Prefpara's 16 comments on the green, and her only comments to the gray, were made in Sansgras's threads.

Whoops - only one of Prepara's comments on Askme were in Sansgras thread - the "dating a divorced man" one, and of course that thread led her, naturally enough, to the gray. My mistake.
posted by orange swan at 12:51 PM on March 10, 2008

"I'd like to wish mefi's sansgras. . . a good period of self-reflection where she figures out that not everything in life has to be a challenge, and that emotional availability at the expense of being hurt is worth it."

Man, I'd sure like that too. Heck, it's something that I'd wish for everyone.

Good periods of self-reflection for all!
posted by Ms. Saint at 12:53 PM on March 10, 2008

So I think we may actually be in agreement.

Yeah, I don't disagree with you, prefpara. I'm actually both sympathetic towards sansgras and her condition, and found her posts funny and likeable. Personally, I don't get unduly irritated by this stuff because I don't invest very much in my online relationships. I was just struck by the interesting parallels between her, and her first real champion.

You two don't know each other then?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:54 PM on March 10, 2008

Next on metafilter mysteries: peter mcdermott, ftw?

I cannot tell a lie. I am the Star Wars Kid.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:58 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

You two don't know each other then?

No, I don't. I've been following her story on AskMe for a while because it won my sympathy (I have been reading AskMe for months... really, really bored at work).

I don't think I'm the first person to defend her here. Really, it's just that I don't think she's lying, and I do think that some of the things that people have said about her could really hurt her and are not justified by the possibility that her posts are fake.

In general, I think it's too easy to make fun of unhappy people who don't know what to do with their unhappiness. They're awkward, they say the wrong thing, they don't fix themselves as quickly as our patience demands. I get that their sucky poetry is annoying, I just don't think that makes it okay to be cruel.
posted by prefpara at 1:05 PM on March 10, 2008 [11 favorites]

This is MetaFilter?
posted by popcassady at 1:07 PM on March 10, 2008

THIS IS METAFILTER!
posted by Stynxno at 1:13 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Where I said "stet," it should read "stat." Thanks to a helpful MeFite for pointing out my error. I meant to emphasize: right away.

I am greatly relieved to here that.
posted by stet at 1:14 PM on March 10, 2008 [9 favorites]

You two don't know each other then?

No, I don't.

"No, we don't" would be a little easier to take.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:17 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

In general, I think it's too easy to make fun of unhappy people who don't know what to do with their unhappiness. They're awkward, they say the wrong thing, they don't fix themselves as quickly as our patience demands. I get that their sucky poetry is annoying, I just don't think that makes it okay to be cruel.

Unhappy people are one thing. Unhappy people who game Metafilter and have in the past lied to vulnerable people to elicit from them attention and probably money are a totally different thing. If this sangras and that sangras are different people and this sangras is telling the truth then I have no problem with her and hope that she is able to get her head on straight. If this sangras is that sangras and this is more of the same, then fuck her. There are a lot of people with problems and I will reserve my sympathy for the ones that aren't fucking with Metafilter.
posted by ND¢ at 1:22 PM on March 10, 2008

MY MODS, MY MODS, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN THIS THREAD?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:26 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

What do you want us to say? There's no new evidence to confirm or deny sansgras' story; I haven't heard from her, and there's no on-site activity since her last comment in this thread, so I don't know what's up.

I don't have anything that suggests prefpara is telling anything but the truth, so taking her on her word seems like the reasonable approach.

People seem to be not completely flipping out at the moment, and that's good enough for me.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:34 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm silently flipping out, that's why.
posted by yeti at 1:35 PM on March 10, 2008

What do you want us to say?

"Brandon, you're awesome" would be a good start.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:39 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Sentence first--verdict afterwards!
posted by Justinian at 1:40 PM on March 10, 2008

Some of the meanness / snarkiness here seems unnecessary. Maybe we should wait for cortex to speak to sansgras privately, first, before speaking to sansgras on the assumption that she's lying. I think it's still possible she's an actual person; maybe some of the details she's related over the span of her askme questions don't seem to add up, but like others have pointed out, if you're a victim of the type of abusive situation she's been in for most of her life, your sense and perspective of reality tends to shift from time to time (e.g. her definition of "dating" shifting over time), and you sometimes believe yourself incapable (or are incapable) of doing things that other "normal" people would be able to do (e.g. renting your own apartment, becoming independent and living a life apart from your family, etc).
And yeah, I've seen a bunch of friends/acquaintances go for 1 year master's programs, get their masters by the time they're 20 or 21, etc...
Just because MeFites sniffed out KayCee years ago doesn't mean people should start piling on sansgras now as if she definitely is a fraud, especially when it isn't confirmed she's fake.
If she does turn out to be a real person, some comments here have been rather cruel.
posted by aielen at 1:40 PM on March 10, 2008

Oops, posted that before I saw cortex's latest comment.
posted by aielen at 1:41 PM on March 10, 2008

WITCH! BURN HER!!!

Dad, leave mom alone.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:49 PM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Brandon, you're -

Nope, not gonna do it.
posted by yhbc at 1:59 PM on March 10, 2008

"So what did ever become of unowen?"

Changed name to avecdubeurre, now posts in anti-ana forums.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:00 PM on March 10, 2008 [14 favorites]

MeFites should be required to post name, rank, serial number, street address and valid phone number.
posted by Cranberry at 2:02 PM on March 10, 2008

dashing?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:02 PM on March 10, 2008

Now that is funny, mr_crash.
posted by Cranberry at 2:03 PM on March 10, 2008

Re-reading that Kaycee Nicole thread is really interesting—especially seeing how forcefully people defended the idea that Kaycee was a real person.
posted by grouse at 2:03 PM on March 10, 2008

Or the fact that the first comment in the thread was essentially "Hey it doesn't matter if it is true or not, her story really touched a lot of people." To all the kids out there: yes truth does matter. It always matters if it is true or not. Cause if it isn't true then it is a lie. And if you believe it then you are a chump. You don't want to be chumps do you kids? Okay then, listen to your old uncle ND¢ and remember: only you can prevent lying internet attention whores.
posted by ND¢ at 2:12 PM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

This thread changed my life.

-1 HP
+1 stamina
posted by blue_beetle at 2:23 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I thought the latest research indicated that having occasional lying internet attention whores on a regular basis are actually beneficial to the internet as a whole, because the resulting fires are relatively small and burn away the underbrush of the internet before it accumulates to a dangerous level.
posted by yhbc at 2:26 PM on March 10, 2008 [9 favorites]

should have said "the resulting flameouts"
posted by yhbc at 2:28 PM on March 10, 2008

Yeah, that would have been better.
posted by ND¢ at 2:31 PM on March 10, 2008

"I'm silently flipping out, that's why."

REAL ULTIMATE POWER!
posted by klangklangston at 2:34 PM on March 10, 2008

sansgras turned me into a newt!
posted by everichon at 2:42 PM on March 10, 2008

Sansgras, this is what people are concerned about.
posted by Class Goat at 2:56 PM on March 10, 2008

What about pro-Ana's Salsa? That shit is awesome.
posted by liet at 3:06 PM on March 10, 2008

Fuck.

At least books and movies usually have resolution of some kind.
posted by kbanas at 3:09 PM on March 10, 2008

I'm anti-ana. Does that make me kata? What a downer.
posted by mumkin at 3:23 PM on March 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

I've read all of the "evidence" enumerated in both this thread and the one on the Green and I honestly don't think it's a fake. If it turns out to be fake I will feel horribly stupid and be just a little more cynical, but that's okay.

I mean, the I'm claiming to be 20 vs. I'm 20 spiel just seems like pure attribution. If someone accused you of doing something, would you not repeat the same verb in your denial in order to emphasize the difference between the accusation and your perceived reality?

As for the dating history gap - there's a three month gap between when sansgras claimed to have never been in a relationship, and when she mentioned having dated two guys casually. Is dating in the span of three months so totally inconceivable or are AskMe threads supposed to exist in a splice of time that never moves forward? She did mention being interested in a guy in one of the previous Psycho!Father!ZOMG! threads, talked about the same guy in the second thread, and mentioned the subsequent breakup a few weeks later in the same thread. Maybe it's just me, but I see nothing fishy there.

The username one is the most damning, to me, but I can totally see "sansgras" being considered a nice, 'sophisticated' but personally important name. Participation in the same LJ group is sketchy as LJ doesn't allow you to use old account names, but it could very well have been sans_gras or sansgras[insertnumberhere]. Given the amount of vitriol Beth ended up eliciting, I think it would've been safe to say that Beth would've been smart enough to choose a different username for further drama. I mean, if this is all invented, the degree of drama and the style of writing indicates that the OP is not entirely stupid. Having been caught under sansgras, posting as sansgras again somewhere else is just... I dunno. inconceivable.
posted by Phire at 3:24 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

If you travel far enough around going kata, you end up coming back to your original position from the ana side, mumkin.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:27 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I do feel like people jump to conclude they're being trolled online more quickly than necessary...

Re-reading that Kaycee Nicole thread is really interesting—especially seeing how forcefully people defended the idea that Kaycee was a real person.

I never got to the point where it became clear that it was a hoax. I "know" it was a hoax because I've heard that it was eventually discovered to be, but in reading through it now, I got bored of looking through history before I hit the part of the thread where the smoking gun comes out - and there are way too many people in the beginning part of the thread jumping to conclusions, claiming it's obviously fake based on flimsy things like who registered the domains or whether she used a PO box or had a street address, or just what "seemed wrong" about this or that.

Seems to me that's what's happening here, which isn't to say it would be impossible that again there would be some sort of elaborate hoax that will eventually come to light, but at this stage - chill out, people. It's a)not that important b)not really your business and c)we have no real evidence one way or another at this point.

(PS - anyone able to point me to the bit of the thread where "Kaycee" is actually outed?)
posted by mdn at 3:29 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I've been following her story on AskMe for a while because it won my sympathy

This is why that thread should be deleted regardless of whether sansgras is for real or not: AskMe is not for storytelling or constructing one's very own snowflaky telenovela; it's for asking and answering specific questions. Sometimes extended narrative is required in order to provide context, but all too often, it's just attention whoring logorrhea.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:34 PM on March 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

What would these kind of people discuss on a dedicated pro-ana forum?

dios -- check out the story of Sara [video | 8:18] from PBS Frontline's recent documentary Growing Up Online.
posted by ericb at 3:37 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

mdn, basically here is where any doubt is removed.
posted by grouse at 3:37 PM on March 10, 2008

The mob mentality demonstrated in this thread is disappointing.

"When trying to point out differences between what she claims and what Beth claims, she used the words 'I am claiming'! BURN HER!"

"It's because of people who behave like we're assuming that she's behaving that no one on the internet can be trusted! BURN HER!"

"You joined MeFi within a month of her joining MeFi, and have posted in threads that she has posted in! BURN HER!"

Ugh.
posted by Flunkie at 3:38 PM on March 10, 2008

Flunkie, I think that last bit was an attempt to show how members who lie beget paranoia that spins out of control. Essentially, it was a device to show prefpara why the truth of sansgras' words matters in a very real sense, not an actual attempt to bring her down as well.
posted by donnagirl at 3:46 PM on March 10, 2008

Flunkie, I think that last bit was an attempt to show how members who lie beget paranoia that spins out of control.

Good.
posted by Flunkie at 3:50 PM on March 10, 2008

I thought it was 'Stat.' Unless "Stet" is a new medication or something.

She corrected herself already. Also, I prefer to think she was saying that switching to a Stetson (from a fedora, natch) would somehow help.

Except that Stetson actually makes fedoras. Therefore cortex and languagehat MUST BE MIKO'S SOCKPUPPETS.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:55 PM on March 10, 2008

That's ridiculous, oneirodynia, and I'll tell you why in detail as soon as I get back from my talk on The History of Cussin' over at the American Folk Music Museum.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:59 PM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

"I mean, the I'm claiming to be 20 vs. I'm 20 spiel just seems like pure attribution."

My snark was pretty much just snark; I don't have a real opinion on her veracity. I just thought it was funny to be, like, "This pathological liar claimed to be Batman. I, not a pathological liar, am claiming to be The Punisher."
posted by klangklangston at 4:04 PM on March 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

MetaFilter: My snark was pretty much just snark

I have a compulsive need to construct these taglines. They aren't even funny anymore. Please help.
posted by grouse at 4:18 PM on March 10, 2008

Metafilter: I have a compulsive need to construct these taglines.

There, grouse, if that didn't cure you, you're beyond helping.
posted by donnagirl at 4:22 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: you're beyond helping
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:28 PM on March 10, 2008

Metafilter: a compulsive need to grouse.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:46 PM on March 10, 2008

I got my masters in 25 weeks.
posted by parmanparman at 4:46 PM on March 10, 2008

No, I don't.

FWIW, I wasn't trying to be snide or anything, but it seemed silly to post the things I'd posted and not give you the opportunity to say, one way or the other.

Really, it's just that I don't think she's lying, and I do think that some of the things that people have said about her could really hurt her and are not justified by the possibility that her posts are fake.

I've no idea whether she's really Beth or not. As I said, it's not that important to me. I thought that the things she wrote in her post could be true, but they could just as easily be the work of someone who spends way too much time in their own head due to the lack of a satisfying life -- which would be typical of somebody who fit the proposed profile, but should in no way be taken as confirmatory.

I guess on reflection though, I agree with you totally. If she is who she says she is, it's a horrible thing to have happen to you. And if she is who she's accused of being, it's not very nice either.

Not one of our proudest moments, I suspect.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:47 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm not convinced she's a fake and I'm sorry she left.

If she was a fake the harm she did was minimal. If she wasn't she no longer has metafilter to run things by, and I think that's possibly a pretty big harm to her. I hope I'm wrong.

I have used metafilter and other online groups for major support when I didn't feel like I could trust the perceptions of the people in my immediate circle. Losing that resource would have been a significant loss.
posted by small_ruminant at 4:53 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Thanks, not_on_display. Exactly. Oh great god of game theory, guide my typing hands. So to speak. Sansgras seems a bit fishy to me too, but I'm not worried. I think the question, even if were completely genuine, would warrant good advice; therefore I will advise as if it is genuine. We can do harm by giving crap advice to a genuine case, and we can't do harm (in fact we can even do some good) by giving good advice to a liar. It's not impossible that someone could have a similar situation come up--hell, I was somewhat like the guy in the question myself, some years ago--and actually do what the question form page suggests, ie search the site for similar questions.

To me, a good answer is what will most help the OP, given the facts presented. If you want to differ from the facts as presented in a question when giving your advice, because you think the person's kidding themselves, or you think the motivations of another person mentioned in the question are different from what the questioner thinks, or you think the proposed course of action is a spectacularly bad idea, that's entirely fair, but you should say so. I've done all of these, and I've taken the other side of the argument with people who are doing all of these. In the end they won't necessarily take anyone's advice; you don't "win" if they do (well, no more than a faint glow of satisfaction). The point is, different, well-argued points of view will help the person make up their own mind.

Personally I find the relationship threads to be among the most interesting on AskMeFi, because of the scope for answers they provide. Usually they amount to an ethical question, which is something I personally enjoy thinking about, and usually there isn't any objectively correct answer, although in many cases there'll be a unanimous consensus. If you don't like them, don't participate.

(Same goes for knee-jerk DTMFAers. I wonder sometimes if people say to them "I've been a bit concerned about my boyfriend ..." and they jump in with "FOR GOD'S SAKE DUMP HIM!" before the questioner finishes ... "as he's been in bed three days getting over the flu." I fear for some of you people, I really do.)

So anyway, what to do, what to do. I vote for further investigation. I suggest sansgras meet up in some public place with a generally liked and trusted New Yorker MetaFilterite or two, preferably female with a genial and motherly manner, who will report back to us that either: (a) no-one showed up, and they had a coffee and read a book, or chatted for an hour or so if there were two of them; (b) sansgras is a whackjob who looks like the grandchild of Uncle Dirty run through the Comic-Book-Guy-Izer filter; (c) sansgras is real; (d) sansgras is sort of real, with some exaggerations and some omissions.

Sansgras, are you willing? Any willing representatives to form the Committee of Concerned MetaFilterites?
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:00 PM on March 10, 2008

Therefore cortex and languagehat MUST BE MIKO'S SOCKPUPPETS.

I am Miko's sockpuppet and I'M PROUD OF IT.
posted by languagehat at 5:03 PM on March 10, 2008

I'm not convinced she's a fake and I'm sorry she left.

She hasn't left in the "account disabled" sense. TPS and jessamyn were talking about another thread and another user, if that's where you got that impression.
posted by CKmtl at 5:05 PM on March 10, 2008

maybe there has just been a terrible dearth of 20 year olds with an interesting combination of advanced degrees and a complete lack of common sense in my life

I have known one, and I have to say (given that obviously representative sample), it really does seem to lead to a complete lack of common sense, and really weirdly messed up socialization. The person I knew was not nearly so bad as sansgras appears/is claiming to be, but I could see it as possible with a different family situation.

I do think sansgras is likely to be fake, and I do not think she should be deleted without some kind of actual evidence (which seems like it's not going to come unless she provides it). Her questions, presuming they continue after this MeTa, would probably go way over the top eventually if fake, since they certainly seem to be heading in that direction, so we will know.
posted by advil at 5:08 PM on March 10, 2008

Any willing representatives to form the Committee of Concerned MetaFilterites?

No, and I think it's a terrible idea. I certainly don't have any desire to play therapist and/or detective for the amusement of the Metafilter community; what sane person would? And why would sansgras have any interest in such a meeting? She doesn't owe us anything.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:10 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Aw, Pink, I was going to suggest I go get a matronly wig and play the part.
posted by nobody at 5:14 PM on March 10, 2008

Never mind- I fully endorse nobody for the job. He is not female, but he is well-liked with a genial and motherly manner.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:15 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

So are we all just hanging around in here waiting for ~~Godot~~ a mod to come and clear it all up for us?
posted by jokeefe at 5:18 PM on March 10, 2008

a band composed entirely of divorced dads : Inner-Child Support

Actually, the (metal) band composed entirely of divorced dads is called Visitation Rites. Sorry.
posted by wemayfreeze at 5:19 PM on March 10, 2008 [9 favorites]

ThePinkSuperhero: Meanwhile, what happened here?
Yeah, how come it has a favorite. I thought they disappeared from deleted threads?
posted by tellurian at 5:25 PM on March 10, 2008

So are we all just hanging around in here waiting for ~~Godot~~ a mod to come and clear it all up for us?

Here you go.
posted by scody at 5:27 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I agree with TPS, and I would be *profoundly* weirded out at this point if I were sansgras. She's asked us a couple of questions. Yes, a few things don't quite add up but she hasn't asked us for money or favors or anything out of line. If you don't feel like answering her questions because they're relationshipfilter or dramawhoring, don't.

And, frankly, I think some of her earlier questions (EVEN IF she is not who she claims to be) are still valuable additions to the community for some potential future person in a bad/abusive situation who needs help.

I've been in some really weird, fucked-up situations where I have fully expected my *friends*, much less people on the internet, to call bullshit and accuse me of being a pathological liar when I was just naive and in way over my head. Life is weird. Life is fucked-up. Sometimes it's fucked-up like the plot of some crazy soap opera, and sometimes we contribute to that (god knows I have at times). It doesn't mean that someone in this weird, fucked-up situation doesn't need help and advice.

But being asked to show up to prove your veracity? What, does she need to bring report cards too? Transcripts? W2s?

I don't know if she's real. I don't know if she's fake. If she's fake, we've protected nobody from her--roll eyes, move on. If she's real, we have absolutely done her a disservice. If I were in her shoes, I'd now be very very wary of reaching out for help - and I think that's the last thing she needs.
posted by fuzzbean at 5:29 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

ThePinkSuperhero I certainly don't have any desire to play therapist and/or detective for the amusement of the Metafilter community; what sane person would?

*shrug* I would. That may or may not be an answer to your question, though. :)

Again, it's cost/risk/benefit. Checking out the story costs an hour, tops, and provides an answer which, if not absolutely definitive, at least adds a significant amount of validity to one or the other possible outcomes. If two go along, it's an hour spent in moderately entertaining company. It's reasonable to be a little concerned about your personal safety, so meet somewhere public. Ask her to provide the contact phone number, and ring her from a public phone or one with a barred number. Worst case, a troll now knows what you look like.

I think "genial and motherly" 'cos that sort of person, if sansgras is genuine, is the sort of person sansgras is best off talking to. If she's not genuine, she's best off talking to a psychiatrist, but is extremely unlikely to show up.

Never mind- I fully endorse nobody for the job. He is not female, but he is well-liked with a genial and motherly manner.

Sounds good. The main attributes here are willingness, curiosity, being easy to talk to, and not convinced either way.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:38 PM on March 10, 2008

"I certainly don't have any desire to play therapist and/or detective for the amusement of the Metafilter community;"

I'd be the pornographer for the group, except that none of you have sent me naked pictures or given much notice of interest in seeing my wang.

Which is, I'm grieved to admit, not all that impressive.
posted by klangklangston at 5:39 PM on March 10, 2008

"I've been in some really weird, fucked-up situations where I have fully expected my *friends*, much less people on the internet, to call bullshit and accuse me of being a pathological liar when I was just naive and in way over my head."

BACK TO BACK MOVIES NO ONE COULD DO THAT! These double features are a sham!
posted by klangklangston at 5:40 PM on March 10, 2008

OKAY, klang, we'll have another one! *sheesh*

I have 300! And Gladiator! C'mon over!
posted by fuzzbean at 5:43 PM on March 10, 2008

Finally. You comin' Friday? Also, likely foursquare on Sat pm
posted by klangklangston at 5:49 PM on March 10, 2008

I mostly agree with fuzzbean, actually.

fuzzbean I agree with TPS, and I would be *profoundly* weirded out at this point if I were sansgras.
She started off that way. Her situation, if genuine, is distinctly weird and messed up.

But being asked to show up to prove your veracity? What, does she need to bring report cards too? Transcripts? W2s?
It's unresolved whether she needs to prove her veracity at all; plenty of us are happy to continue advising her, taking her questions at face value. Is it important to her? Whether she's real or not is clearly important to some people is it so important to them that they will drop crap advice or snarky remarks in her question thread?

I'd say it's up to her to decide whether to prove her reality or not, understanding that if she doesn't, there will be nastiness in the threads, perhaps even to the point that it compromises her ability to get good advice.

If she does decide to prove her reality, anything short of showing up somewhere and speaking to a person whose own veracity is unquestioned, wouldn't do. Were I a sock-puppeteer, I could photocopy or photoshop up ID papers, I could find an appropriate photo, I could--were I female of the appropriate age--even keep up my pretence on the phone. Being seen, in person, and spoken to, is (to my mind) vastly greater proof.

So if she does show up to speak to someone, it might as well actually be someone it would be useful, beneficial, at the very least pleasant, to speak to.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:50 PM on March 10, 2008

MY MODS, MY MODS, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN THIS THREAD?

There isn't anything to say. Preliminary investigations revealed nothing fishy and beyond that it's all speculation which I can't say much about. I don't have much of a fertile imagination vis a vis scammers and ways to prevaricate just closely enough to be believed. My life is actually complex and interesting enough so I don't have a ton of free cycles to ruminate on the mystery lives of others and I personally have NO IDEA what to make of this. That said, I'm sure we'll take a much closer look at future posts by prefpara ans sansgras just to make sure we're not missing anything.

Then again, I gave un owen $20 so maybe I'm just a sap, but I'm happier being a sap than someone who doesn't trust anyone.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:57 PM on March 10, 2008 [11 favorites]

Friday probably yes, unless I'm in Big Sur visiting a friend at Esalen. Transmit more info about Saturday, plz.
posted by fuzzbean at 5:59 PM on March 10, 2008

Our house. Informal. No big deal. I'll put you on the foursquare email list.
posted by klangklangston at 6:03 PM on March 10, 2008

Metafilter: You're beyond helping.
posted by Dr. Curare at 6:16 PM on March 10, 2008

But being asked to show up to prove your veracity? What, does she need to bring report cards too? Transcripts? W2s?

This "she should prove she exists IRL" stuff is creeping me out, too. We answer an awful lot of crazy questions from an awful lot of (sometimes crazy) people without demanding that these individuals personally interview with An Established MeFite.
posted by desuetude at 6:23 PM on March 10, 2008

On the subject of sap:

I'm as cynical as the next guy, but can I just step up and say that anorexia is a terrible affliction, and should be treated as such?

Thanks.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:24 PM on March 10, 2008

aeschenkarnos: "It's unresolved whether she needs to prove her veracity at all; plenty of us are happy to continue advising her, taking her questions at face value."

That's 90% of the problem right there. As I mentioned earlier, it's a problem of both supply and demand.
posted by meehawl at 6:29 PM on March 10, 2008

Can I ask: what's the deal with un owen?
posted by supercrayon at 6:38 PM on March 10, 2008

I'd say it's up to her to decide whether to prove her reality or not, understanding that if she doesn't, there will be nastiness in the threads, perhaps even to the point that it compromises her ability to get good advice.

Wrong again. Anyone who posts a question that follows the guidelines of this site deserves helpful answers, whether people believe that person is "real" or not. Nastiness is neither allowed nor encouraged.

And p.s., I've met enough of you all in real life to know that you're ALL CRAZY.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:39 PM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

In my fertile imagination, the true poster behind sansgras is this poster's kid. Yes, go ahead and name me the O. Henry of the internet. You know you want to.

To toss in my two bits - sansgras' posts have been red flagged for me since I first read the cell phone post, at which point I went back and read some of her other posts, at which point I made a mental note to watch for more posts from her. I promptly forgot my mental note (do we have a greasemonkey script to do this?) so I'm glad it came back up. I think at the very least there is some serious bullshit being dished out here. Her tone reminds me of young teenagers' fiction - even when supremely well-written, there's something that doesn't feel true (apart from the occasional exceptional young writer).

When people try to game internet forums or communities, it's like the pieces look like they're the right shape but when you put them together, the picture doesn't make much sense. Back in the day I knew a few precocious teenagers who liked to game forums to see what kind of pull they had over people, what people would believe. These questions have that sort of feel to them - of testing the waters of what people will buy into. I'd give sansgras the same advice I gave about the kid in the question I linked above - take a fiction workshop, learn to express your personal truth rather than poorly-executed fiction, and if by some rare, odd, crazy chance you are what you claim? Keep such crazy, longwinded, hard-to-swallow drama on LJ.
posted by SassHat at 6:41 PM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

how much time & energy did people spend here discussing whether or not to deprive a suspicious noob of five whole bucks?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:48 PM on March 10, 2008

I am a doctor of metaphysics. I bought my doctorate from the Church of Universal Life for $40. Took about two weeks.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:59 PM on March 10, 2008

I promptly forgot my mental note (do we have a greasemonkey script to do this?)

Yes, we do.
posted by Partial Law at 7:00 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I am Miko's sockpuppet and I'M PROUD OF IT.

I have a short list of users here I'd let control me with a hand up my ass, too. You mostly know who you are. Except for Astro Zombie. I haven't MeMailed him about that yet, mostly because of the restraining orders.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:14 PM on March 10, 2008

ThePinkSuperhero Wrong again.

So ... is it wrong to be nasty to me, and then prissily decry nastiness in general? :)

Anyway we're talking policy, not fact, it's "disagree" or "agree", not "wrong" or "right". But even if we were discussing the fact of whether people will be nasty to a person of dubious reality, I'm not wrong, they will. Before one of the mods came along and vacuumed it up there were callouts in the thread, and from the callouts, some nastiness, and now there is some here. If she posts another question, I will bet that it would get a few answers in before some clown pops up with a "HAHA! YOU FAKER! BAN THE WITCH! TO METATALK WITH THIS! I LINK MY THREAD AT THEE!". Will you take that bet?

Anyone who posts a question that follows the guidelines of this site deserves helpful answers, whether people believe that person is "real" or not.
Totally.

Nastiness is neither allowed nor encouraged.
Bah, those kind of policies are always stated in those kind of terms. They're up there with corporate vision statements about striving for excellence and innovating in qualitatively valid paradigms. Everything said should be considered on its own merits. Do you want your comment deleted for dropping a mildly nasty "Wrong again." clanger on my head? Do you want this comment of mine deleted for calling you prissy, a mildly nasty term, in return? Nonsense, we are not delicate little flowers.

Some nastiness--and as the giver or the target, we tend to lose sight of the fact that it can be extremely amusing to other people to see it, if it's well-written and apropros--can provoke intelligent discussion, because it makes people care. It makes them write back in detail. The grit of the pearl. I've been in some very interesting discussions that would not have happened had there been no nastiness tolerated at all.

Now, as for sansgras's situation and my mere suggestion of meeting someone trusted as a means of (a) meeting someone relatively decent--something her life frankly lacks--to get some IRL advice; and (b) establishing reflected trust, I will explain again that I don't think it's necessary or that she should as any kind of condition for continuing to post here.

I present it as a potential method for being believed real, if that is important. To some folks, it is. To some, it isn't.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 7:15 PM on March 10, 2008

I am thinking one P.I. just won't cut it. This demands a buddy cop team.
posted by boubelium at 7:22 AM

That's crazy talk—they'd be as different as night and day, and believe you me, the only thing worse them making them mad would be making them partners!
posted by blueberry at 7:27 PM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Saying you were wrong isn't nasty. If I called you an ugly pickle-face banana nose, that would be nasty. Saying you're wrong is just my opinion. That fact that it hurts your feelings that people aren't wowed by your idea doesn't make the disagreement mean.

I think it's a dangerous idea to encourage real-life meetings as some sort of trust exercise- it would make the community vulnerable to same sort of exploitation that detective threads hope to expose and/or prevent. It may be important to some members of this community to feel sure that all the screennames they're interacting with are each a separate, "real" person, but I doubt it is important to the overall health of the community, as long as all community members behave within the guidelines set forth by the community. If it were important, meetups would have been made mandatory long ago, no?

On the other hand, if we're going to go forth with your idea, we could be "mathowie's angels". Which could be fun, depending on the outfits.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:29 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

(tiny further example of J-P interaction: a good friend who's largely P-ish was dating a hardcore J girl for a year or two - very organised, driven & scheduled, both in personal & professional life. you could visibly see her stress levels go through the roof when anything would happen to change her day: "But I have to go home within the next fifteen minutes so I can do my 10km training run, because the half-marathon is only SIX MONTHS AWAY!!" - it's a really fundamental personality difference that's well worth paying attention to, because you generally can't force somebody to go against their natural preferences)
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:37 PM on March 10, 2008

there are way too many people in the beginning part of the thread jumping to conclusions, claiming it's obviously fake based on flimsy things like who registered the domains or whether she used a PO box or had a street address, or just what "seemed wrong" about this or that.

Seems to me that's what's happening here

yep.
knowledge = justified true belief, not spurious reasoning + lucky guess (guess early and often!)

Then again, the most annoying thing is when someone suspects something about you for the dumbest, completely wrong reason, but their conclusion is in fact correct. And is the point of MetaTalk not to annoy?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 7:48 PM on March 10, 2008

supercrayon: Can I ask: what's the deal with un owen?

See this MeTa thread, then this one, for the whole glorious two-day two-part trainwreck.
posted by hangashore at 7:48 PM on March 10, 2008 [12 favorites]

On the other hand, if we're going to go forth with your idea, we could be "mathowie's angels". Which could be fun, depending on the outfits.

I see lots of leather.
And the GADGETS! Must have high-tech shiny, sexy gadgets.
posted by goshling at 7:48 PM on March 10, 2008

Well, I can't help but note that, from now on, when the name skalitenko comes to mind, the word ballsy will, too. And considering what's for sale, I'm thinking it's Mission Accomplished for the good doctor. Now, that's marketing.
posted by y2karl at 7:58 PM on March 10, 2008

little help, mods? that small text above was meant to be in an askme about how to plan & commit to stuff. (thought you'd deleted it for being too chatty)
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:01 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm a bit confused by some of the comments here that suggest we should be ashamed of ourselves and that we should rather provide the OP with helpful answers regardless of any doubts over the veracity of her situation. A lot of people have been doing exactly that in the thread triggering this one (73 comments) and in her previous questions (87 and 51 comments respectively). No snarks there (as far as I could tell only one in the current thread, which was swiftly deleted). There's plenty of snark here but that's par for the course.

Some of the advice given in all the other threads sansgras claims to have taken to heart, some she has ignored. In the current thread some people reiterate some of those suggestions she has not followed (yet) and offer new ones.

The tenor of all those threads is kind, supportive and concerned. The advice given is sound, practical and generous even. I don't see any reason for any answerers involved in these threads to be ashamed of themselves, on the contrary. Particularly because some people may have harboured the doubts we are discussing here now.
posted by =^^= at 8:03 PM on March 10, 2008

I suppose you could say I'm the one who opened this can of worms by collating some of the seeming inconsistencies in the posting history of sansgras in her AskMe thread. I didn't see anything major, just looking for clarification of a few points. I think she answered those, both in her thread, as well as this one. More about that in a moment.

I was a veteran of the Kaycee Nicole fraud, in fact I was right in the middle of it. I was one of the dupes who was regularly communicating with Debbie, at the time known as Kaycee Nicole, about her battle with leukemia. I was completely and utterly sucked in by the charade. I was, and always have been a very gullible person. When the fraud was uncovered by the MeFi police, I was stunned.

You might say I learned a lesson that week about the value of Internet cynicism. My BS meter ran full boar for several years afterward. I have mellowed again somewhat recently, but I still keep a wary eye out for things that just don't add up or seem inconsistent. Such was the case, seemingly for me, with the various threads opened by sansgras on AskMe.

I have been a long time lurker on MetaFilter. I know most of the mythology of the site. I rarely post, most of my posts and comments were made back in the early days in 2000 and 2001, but I still spend time hanging out on the blue and the grey. I just recently have become more interested in the green, primarily because of a few alcoholism threads that I have some experience with.

Last night I saw a thread appear in the relationshipfilter section of AskMe and the comment count kept going up and up so I got curious. Like many others have noticed, it read like a train wreck, and on going back through sangras' posting history, so did some of her other AskMe's. I certainly felt sympathy for the girl's seeming plight, but there just were a few things that didn't add up. I even wondered if these long rambling AskMe posts were part of her graduate research project. You know the feeling. So I posted about it before I went to bed last night.

Now back to sansgras. As I said above, I think she satisfactorily responded to all the inconsistencies I noticed and even offered to speak privately to anyone who asked about her graduate school research. So I took her up on that offer this evening. She graciously responded. I promised to keep that correspondence confidential and will honor that. I will say, though, that it isn't about social online communities and for now sansgras is passing my cynicism meter. I thank sansgras for responding to me, and I sincerely hope she will continue to use the resources of AskMe to help her find the answers she needs to live a successful and happy life.
posted by netbros at 8:03 PM on March 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

This place is one big pile of crazy ass electronic beans on a big shiny internet plate. And served with a heaping steaming side of Too Much Free Time.
posted by tkchrist at 8:06 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Fake. Burn it with fire, or at least stop giving it attention.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 8:13 PM on March 10, 2008

If MeFi is a city, what building have I just wandered into?
posted by not_on_display at 8:13 PM on March 10, 2008

If MeFi is a city, what building have I just wandered into?

Why, the lunatic asylum of course. The trick is being able to pick the patients from the staff.
posted by goshling at 8:19 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also, the claims of early graduate dregrees and suchlike reminds me of un owen. Whatever happened to her?
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:30 AM on March 10 [+] [!]

UN Owen is around and posting via her "husband's" account, InnocentBystander. I found this out because they posted virtually identical stories (1, 2) about getting bullied at a young age.
posted by footnote at 8:19 PM on March 10, 2008 [29 favorites]

By the way, I liked UN Owen. What did she do wrong besides asking for money?
posted by footnote at 8:20 PM on March 10, 2008

I haven't been ignoring this thread, contrary to beliefs. I've been working. Here's my next round of defense....

Loiseau -- Beth claimed to have FINISHED medical school (she lived in Canada, btw) at 24. She was actually much older (late 20s early 30s) and married, and also claimed to be simultaneously practicing and helping the medically ill in Africa.

Also-- she was banned from that site, but I never said MY username on that site was Sansgras. I am Sangras here, much like there are many other people on OTHER eating disorder forums (there are many) who also have the same not-so-unique username.

Klangklangston-- the thing is, our stories are completely different. Her entire web of lies can be found on display on various sites. She was a 30 year old women, married, claimed to be in Africa, claimed to be healthy and sane and was known for offering others her medical 'expertise.' She knew a lot of the members in real life, which is why her saga was so controversial. She was doling out advice, medical and otherwise, to many young, deeply sick, and impressionable girls. She was close to many people and so many people had an emotional investment in her.

No one ever questioned her, even when she claimed to be in Africa but her IP address was showing Canada, and when people started to (I don't know what prompted it; I wasn't around then), she left. Never answered any questions, just dropped off the face of the internet.

Now assuming I am her, and knowing that she was aware of all the sites about her, why would I one day register here and post a lengthy question regarding an issue that I was obviously emotionally invested in (that sort of thing tends to be obvious in the writing style), then come back an update the situation with a spin-off question a month later, then post a final question still related to the initial issue, when this is supposedly all a lie and I don't know any of you. Look at my post history. I have no activity aside from my questions. No one knows me. I haven't formed any bonds. The kind of emotional manipulation Beth pulled only works when people are emotionally invested in their relationship with you.

I mean, if this is all just a big story on my part, why not post something at least somewhat related to her story? She was much older than me, self-sufficient, married, a professional. Now she's become exceptionally creative writer and is pretending to be a girl who lives in a completely different country with a completely different story? My posts were pretty emotional for pure lies made up on a whim to play tricks on people I don't know and haven't tried to form bonds with.

Iconomy-- I used "claiming" facetiously because I'm obviously not being taken seriously. You're reading too much into my posts.

Monday -- I'm telling the truth. I've only responded to the people who have said something so outlandish or verifiable (e.g., 'I wasn't aware one year master's programs exist') that I feel like I have to say something. I've read every post here. I'm pretty sure I haven't avoided ANY questions. If someone is simply calling me a liar, there's no need to respond to that.

Desuetude-- Thank you! I can understand why people think my homelife sitution is unbelievable because it is. But the education stuff has been frustrating because I suppose it can seem like something remarkable to those outside of the field, but those in the field know damn well that an SMP is nothing special. Basically a continuation of undergrad, a booster for those needing a GPA increase. Not exactly you're typical graduate program in terms of intensity.

Miko-- Uhh... I contradicted myself HOW? I have never used this username anywhere but HERE. I initially said I hadn't dated because I don't consider going to a cafe when you're just there chat for a bit and hookup afterward dating. Maybe they were dates. Does it matter? The point is, I've never had a serious exclusive or open relationship with anyone. I've had casual sex and the requisite dinner/drinks/coffee/whatever, but have never gone out with the intention of getting to know someone and possibly forming a serious relationship with someone.

Scody -- I was mostly joking about the Bobby/Whitney comment. I tend to involuntarily go for similarly damaged people, so the comment seemed appropriate.

My educational background: as I mentioned in my second question response, I graduated high school early at age 15 after spending two years in HS. Not because I was a prodigy, but because I was just given credits for classes I never took from my shady private school. From there I attended the local, nothing-special, state university where I finished my degree in four years at age 19. Starting that summer I enrolled in the one year SMP at the same university, and finished at age 20. Ta da.

Prefpara -- "Wouldn't it be terrible if the final lesson she took away from this was that she needs to make sure never to open up to people about her problems because they'll disbelieve her, jump all over her for lacking a buddha-like calm in the face of parental rejection, and mock her sincere pain and her fumbling attempts to deal with it?"

Not trying to pull the pity card, but that is it. I was rejected by that loser guy after finally opening up to him. I'm called a liar here. The resonating theme of my life has been my father invalidating my problems. I don't open up and I'm called arrogant. I open up and I'm dramatic and crazy and dishonest and dispicable. I got the objective advice I was looking for before this mess started, but will a continue to be hesitant to open up to people? You betcha.

Aeschenkarnos-- I'd love nothing more than to prove to everyone that I am real and not some 30 year old woman. I just don't know how to prove my story. Unfortunately my life history isn't googleable save for my questions here. At the end of the day, it isn't important. I got my advice. I'm working toward the goals I've established for myself. I'm not going to change any minds.

**I also wanted to say that I made an appointment with a therapist this morning, and he actually talked me into speaking to him today. We had a two hour session and he reiterated much of the advice I was given for all 3 of my questions. Someone used the analogy that the guy I was dating has broken edges and so do I, but they just don't fit. Interestingly, he used the same analogy. We have another appointment tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. He's very direct much like the posters who have offered me advice here, and I know that's exactly what I need.
posted by sansgras at 8:21 PM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Saying you were wrong isn't nasty.
Nonsense, wrong once again, as you oh so often are. Do you practice wrongness before a mirror daily? Read Great Books of Wrong to improve your wrongitude? Enter your many errors into the Wrongness Machine to produce new variations of wrong? Live on wrong bean sandwiches? Surely no-one could be so wrong on purpose, you must have made it up!

Alternatively:

Look, I do see your point, and I don't dispute for a second your right to say that. But to tell a person they are wrong can be done nastily or kindly or neither, it really depends how it's done, and it's up to that person in the end how they take it. I am not incorrect to be mildly irritated, and it is my decision as to whether I let it go, give it back, or try to find a way to make it work for me.

That fact that it hurts your feelings that people aren't wowed by your idea doesn't make the disagreement mean.
I'd like to see a definition of nastiness, of the sort "neither allowed nor encouraged", that does not rest on its effect on people's feelings.

Anyway, that is not the point. This is the point: as a person of unverified reality, if she posts questions, those threads will get unhelpful answers, for that reason. If she doesn't verify her reality, some people will continue to doubt her, and act accordingly; meeting someone is a good way to verify that they are real.

You seem to be saying both of these assertions are wrong. You may be right; but if you are, why are you right? Will the next question from sansgras be met with nothing but helpfulness? Would meeting known New Yorker members be such an dreadful thing to contemplate, an experience unique in its meaninglessness?

From the whispers I overhear in here, some of you are organizing a NY meetup. Why not (a) invite sansgras to meet one or more of you, to reassure her that you're maybe vaguely likeable, and that if she went to the meetup, she wouldn't be roasted alive and made into pate de faux sansgras; (b) subject to that, invite her to the meetup? Any and all controversy about the woman rests on the perception that she is not real. If she demonstrates she is real, ipso facto, the controversy ought, in the minds of reasonable folk, disappear.

Whereas, if she doesn't, she either disappears from our lives or continues to post, in which case the controversy will continue until at some point it becomes clear, even to those disinclined to actively enquire, that she is or is not a faker; or, the mods ruthlessly stamp out any such questioning of her reality to the point where the questioners give up.

But it's up to her.

And that's the last on the topic from me. If that meets with a round of "NO! WRONG! WE COULD NEVER, NEVER DO THAT! WHY? THERE IS NO WHY! JUST NO!" ... then, so be it, I will flee from the rays of pink energy and return to my secret lair.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 8:24 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Aha, well, there we go. Welcome again, bona fide sansgras. :)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 8:28 PM on March 10, 2008

From the whispers I overhear in here, some of you are organizing a NY meetup.

Everyone is invited to meetups. sansgras is welcome, just as everyone else on the site is welcome, and I hope everyone who desires to come to one does so, as they are a lot of fun. Please do not misrepresent what meetups are for: they are not a place for people to come so other members can judge them and report back to the site on what they're like, and I wouldn't want people to think so. Real, fake, sock, or shoe, come to a meetup, and your secret is safe with us ;-)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:33 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

UN Owen is around and posting via her "husband's" account, InnocentBystander. I found this out because they posted virtually identical stories (1, 2) about getting bullied at a young age.

Huh, that is odd.
posted by puke & cry at 8:36 PM on March 10, 2008

Maybe it's time to close this thread and move on?
posted by nobody at 8:37 PM on March 10, 2008

I don't live in NYC. :) I'm not opposed to meeting anyone in my area, but I won't post that area out in the open.
posted by sansgras at 8:38 PM on March 10, 2008

I think UN Owen should be allowed back. She may be a scammer, but she also coined one of the most memorable phrases of AskMe, one which lives on in the lexicon.

Also, I believe sansgras.
posted by footnote at 8:45 PM on March 10, 2008

sans: best of luck. Sounds like you got a lot of work ahead of you. And stay away from the benzos if you can. (FWIW, I know others who have entered college early and completed combined BS/MS programs. Ignore the feisty MeTanaians--their flung poo isn't real.)
posted by not_on_display at 8:45 PM on March 10, 2008

sweet jebus!

when are you all going to finally realise that sansgras is obviously Ethereal Bligh?

who the hell else in history could be bothered typing up such excruciatingly verbose comments?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:00 PM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Someone used the analogy that the guy I was dating has broken edges and so do I, but they just don't fit. Interestingly, he used the same analogy.

OMG sansgras!
aeschenkarnos is your therapist! It's the only possible explanation!

On a more serious note, who are you trying to hide your internet posts from? I assume from your father. If so, I'd be very surprised if he (or your boss or anyone else who knows you personally) couldn't recognize you from your unusual and highly specific educational history. That's one of the things that really struck me as odd, because you keep asserting your masters degree (but not publicly disclosing other identifying traits) as if it gives you some authority or respect. Maybe something to talk to your therapist about. Of course, if you're trying to keep future jobs/universities from easily google searching you, that's another story.
posted by fermezporte at 9:04 PM on March 10, 2008

netbros, that was a classy comment.

I also wanted to say that I made an appointment with a therapist this morning, and he actually talked me into speaking to him today.

Good. Much more appropriate than using AskMe as your long-term plan. Really. Good luck, stick with it.
posted by mediareport at 9:11 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Please do not misrepresent what meetups are for

All I'm anticipating is, if she wants, someone reliable could become able to honestly say, on her behalf, "yes, she's real, I'll vouch for that." If you met her, and the next thread she posts gets people saying she's a fake, will you stand stoically by, or would you vouch for her? If you would vouch for her (or for someone else thought to be a faker, but whom you'd met), then I can't really see your problem with what I'm suggesting, or why you think it's a misrepresentation of the purpose of a meetup. Obviously it's not the only or even a major purpose of a meetup. But I'm sure the idea of verification that dubiously real members actually exist crosses the minds of many attendees.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 9:15 PM on March 10, 2008

Sangras:

Man, that was a lot of text for something I already kinda dismissed. Maybe you'd be well-served by a perusal of the problem of solipsism. Anyway, tempted as I may be by my own personal dysfunctions, I won't goad you anymore about this. That you aren't going to be able to prove your identity to me is one of those things that is argumentatively interesting to me, but your actual identity is only academic. So how about we do this some other time, when you're not going to be emotionally responding to mildly-skeptical snark? If not for you, at least for me, so I don't feel like I'm poking at a rabbit in a trap; and those few dregs of the community still reading this, for whom my arguments are often so much less interesting than they are to me.
posted by klangklangston at 9:18 PM on March 10, 2008

I've messaged Cortex and gave him my username and password to the message board I mentioned, the same one Beth was banned from.

Assuming Cortex wants to check it out, he can read my posts, many of which repeat what I've said here, and search to see that Beth/that site's Sansgras is indeed a seperate person from myself.

This is the only way I can think to prove I am not her. Beyond that, I'm closed with this argument. There is nothing else I can do to convince others that I have been only truthful, and if my efforts are not sufficient, then nothing is.

Good night.
posted by sansgras at 9:26 PM on March 10, 2008

Please do not misrepresent what meetups are for

Seconded. Everybody knows that meetups are where you send your real-life sockpuppets.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:36 PM on March 10, 2008

What a clusterfuck.
posted by empath at 9:38 PM on March 10, 2008

ps footnote, that's good sleuthing. It's interesting how un owen/IB's wife changes the ages and time line to better match her "character"
posted by fermezporte at 9:40 PM on March 10, 2008

*looking around for real life sockpuppet*
Uh-oh, then who is typing this? And who the hell went to a meetup claiming they were me?
posted by not_on_display at 9:41 PM on March 10, 2008

OMG sansgras!
aeschenkarnos is your therapist! It's the only possible explanation!

Considering that we have all kinds of doctors & lawyers & therapists & veterinarians here, I'm now wondering if anybody's followed the advice to take it to a professional, and ended up consulting one of our resident experts in real life without realising it?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:43 PM on March 10, 2008

And who the hell went to a meetup claiming they were me?

Did you actually go to one as yourself?!??

I thought it was de rigeur here to send one of your friends along, after briefing them on some of the recent highlights & controversies.

Or am I really the only one who does this?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:46 PM on March 10, 2008

I can't believe anyone really cares about this.
posted by desjardins at 9:52 PM on March 10, 2008

tellurian: Yeah, how come it has a favorite. I thought they disappeared from deleted threads?

As I understand it, favorites on a deleted post don't disappear. They are merely never duplicated—as in, on any sort of user activity page—and don't show up anywhere on the site other than the original post and the favorites count on the user profiles (favoritor and favoritee). I believe this holds only for posts, as deleted comments are 'scorched earth'.

sansgras: I also wanted to say that I made an appointment with a therapist this morning

If only we could hear from each of them too, those who D'dTMFA! This is good news, sansgras, and I wish you the best.
posted by carsonb at 9:53 PM on March 10, 2008

Considering that we have all kinds of doctors & lawyers & therapists & veterinarians here, I'm now wondering if anybody's followed the advice to take it to a professional, and ended up consulting one of our resident experts in real life without realising it?

Nope, not me. New York's a bit far to commute. :) Anyway, looking for the broken pieces that fit is an old, old metaphor, I claim no originality for it. (And I'm not a therapist.)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 10:04 PM on March 10, 2008

I find the thought of attending a meet-up to verify one's existence to be too creepy and intimidating for words. Even if someone did turn up for such a purpose, would you simply take their word that whatever they say is true or would you require further verification? Birth certificate, driver's license, school reports, references, medical certificate?

I'll take ThePinkSuperhero's word for it when she says everyone is crazy.
posted by goshling at 10:05 PM on March 10, 2008

yes, and we use metafilter as our own form of talking therapy.

that makes perfect sense to me.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:26 PM on March 10, 2008

UN Owen is around and posting via her "husband's" account, InnocentBystander.

My goodness.
posted by scody at 10:29 PM on March 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

oh! the ones who leave are the one's who've finally talked themselves back into sanity!

occhiblu! jonmc! ethereal bligh! xteraco!

what's life like outside the asylum?
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:31 PM on March 10, 2008

Yeah, whatever. I still think Gratuitous1 and Second Account for Making Jokey Comments were the same person.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:33 PM on March 10, 2008

sansgras: Loiseau -- Beth claimed to have FINISHED medical school (she lived in Canada, btw) at 24. She was actually much older (late 20s early 30s) and married, and also claimed to be simultaneously practicing and helping the medically ill in Africa.

Just to clarify, not to argue: in the LiveJournal I was referring to (linked from the Encyclopedia Dramatica) she in fact claims to be an MD, 24 and teaching at a university.

UbuRoivas: when are you all going to finally realise that sansgras is obviously Ethereal Bligh?

who the hell else in history could be bothered typing up such excruciatingly verbose comments?

XMLicious.
posted by loiseau at 10:45 PM on March 10, 2008

UbuRoivas, a couple of those folks are back.

So it goes with MetaFilter; you try to leave and it pulls you back in.
posted by lilywing13 at 10:50 PM on March 10, 2008

There's a lot of other similarities between InnocentBystander's answers and un owen's, if you get bored enough to look through them. Too many to write off as coincidence you could say. Anyway, I should stop wasting time on that and go to bed.
posted by puke & cry at 10:51 PM on March 10, 2008

She may be a scammer, but she also coined one of the most memorable phrases of AskMe, one which lives on in the lexicon.

Just an aside, and for what little it's worth, but like a lot of stuff we think we made up here, that was an SA Forums catchphrase (and used elsewhere, but I think it came from SA before SA started its sad spiral into internet irrelevance) years before it appeared here.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:59 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I've messaged Cortex and gave him my username and password to the message board I mentioned, the same one Beth was banned from.

Yeah, I'm really uncomfortable with this and I'd ask that you change your password immediately. I appreciate the act of openness on your part, but the last thing I want is access to you someone else's account on an unrelated site.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:00 PM on March 10, 2008

UbuRoivas, a couple of those folks are back.

obviously forgot to keep taking their meds.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:06 PM on March 10, 2008

Plus, Sansgras giving cortex access to one account hardly proves that she isn't responsible for other accounts.
posted by chudmonkey at 11:09 PM on March 10, 2008

I'm happier being a sap than someone who doesn't trust anyone

Jessamyn ftw.
posted by flabdablet's sock puppet at 11:34 PM on March 10, 2008

goshling I find the thought of attending a meet-up to verify one's existence to be too creepy and intimidating for words. Even if someone did turn up for such a purpose, would you simply take their word that whatever they say is true or would you require further verification?

Good grief yes, just take their word. You're not proving anything in a court of law. The stakes are tiny, the consequences of not being believed are just ... not being believed. Incurring the wrath of judgmental personalities. Losing some AskMeFi answerers who otherwise would give useful advice.

And it's by no means the only reason I suggested it. Sansgras needs to make more friends.

Can we get an official moderator Declaration of Let's Move On or something? :)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 11:49 PM on March 10, 2008

footnote UN Owen is around and posting via her "husband's" account, InnocentBystander. I found this out because they posted virtually identical stories (1, 2) about getting bullied at a young age.

Give that footnote a gold shield!
posted by mlis at 11:57 PM on March 10, 2008

I guess the mods never banned her account?
posted by blasdelf at 12:16 AM on March 11, 2008

Except for people who can/do go to meetups or have real life friends or acquaintances online (who themselves stand up to scrutiny), the only way we can feel somewhat sure of anyone's "identity" (once it is put under the microscope) is consistency in small things throughout many contributions over time - and possibly across sites. However, this means that there are relatively few people whom we can feel terribly sure about - so we can veer towards mistrusting everyone, or choose to trust everyone until they are proven to be false... or better yet, we can be sensible about how we interact and how much we invest emotionally. If you are touched by a heart-wrenching story and feel moved to offer money or other material support - that would be the time to put on your doubting hat before deciding if it's a great idea; if you are drawn into a personal drama and find yourself spending a lot of time worrying about an online friend, emailing and IMing tons of encouragement and understanding for problems that just don't seem to ever get better - go put on that hat! If someone's contributions seem to reliably sow a lot of drama and division on a site, it might be time to put on the hat and decline to be pulled into the game.

In other words, it's all pretty much the same in here as it is out there; some people are telling the truth, some are lying to you for fun and profit. Some are not to be trusted alone with your kid, dog, or geranium, and some will go out of their way to help you, just because - and you can almost never tell the former from latter at first sight... but fakers will usually eventually trip up in pretty obvious ways. So all you can do is be alert. Because the world needs more lerts, and it's just fundamentally better than being ajar or aflame, though being abroad can be pretty awesome.
posted by taz at 12:24 AM on March 11, 2008 [6 favorites]

yes, exploring abroad can be heaps of fun.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:29 AM on March 11, 2008

Don't forget to bring your chap stick!
posted by taz at 12:41 AM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

true. helps prevent the lips from getting too dry.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:55 AM on March 11, 2008

All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is read about a 24 year-old M.D.
Pro-ana, Pro-ana,
Never thought that a girl like you could get your Master's Degree
Pro-ana

got nuthin
posted by davejay at 12:58 AM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

O pro-ana
O pro-ana!
O PRO-ANA
Sweet Pro-ana!
O PRO-ANA
You know you are my friend, yeah
O PRO-ANA
And I ain't down here for your money
I ain't down here for your love
I ain't down here for your love or money
I'm down here for your -
(um, why am i down here again?)
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:16 AM on March 11, 2008

I'd just like to say what with this and catching up on the u.n.owen drama this has been the finest day of entertainment I have go out of metafilter in years.

Yes, I feel dirty now.
posted by arha at 1:29 AM on March 11, 2008

Perhaps using the karpman drama triangle would help identify metaphonys a bit quicker, thus saving users ( and admin ) precious metatime that can be used to distract from doing actual worthwhile tasks like the one i'm currently avoiding.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:23 AM on March 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

sorry, that should read metavoiding.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:24 AM on March 11, 2008

and that should have read that i was metasorry.

once again,

my metapologies.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:25 AM on March 11, 2008

u.n. owen is the "wife" of InnocentBystander?

Wow, I feel like Chazz Palminteri at the end of The Usual Suspects. But I am entertained rather than annoyed, honestly.
posted by grouse at 2:28 AM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Wow, I feel like Chazz Palminteri at the end of The Usual Suspects.

I feel like Paris Hilton at the end of Ulysses, but there you are.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:42 AM on March 11, 2008 [13 favorites]

that does it. i've gotta go take a shower.

you need to imagine the sarge's comment in billy connolly's accent to appreciate just how wrong things are turning here.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:59 AM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Just read every frigging comment in this thread.
Still have no clue as to what is happening.
Cliff's notes, please?
posted by Dizzy at 3:52 AM on March 11, 2008

*boggles at u.n. owen revelation*

Next y'all are gonna tell me dhoyt is back as ThePinkSuperhero...
posted by romakimmy at 4:03 AM on March 11, 2008

Cliff's Notes for Dizzy:

sansgras had problems. Few believed her; some got angry, like being lied to was a new thing. Villagers with torches gathered at her cottage. She appeared at the 2nd story window, made an impassioned speech, mentioned that she's going to therapy, and the crowd thinned to where it was maybe a couple people with torches. Then the credits rolled, while some in the audience said, "Yeah, I liked it," and UbuR sang a song.
posted by not_on_display at 4:37 AM on March 11, 2008 [12 favorites]

Oh, and a sequel was hinted at.

Next: Jane Eyre, that strumpet. She should have known that Rochester was already married. DUMP HIM!!!
posted by not_on_display at 4:41 AM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

If MeFi is a city, what building have I just wandered into?

The Attention Whore House
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:59 AM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Just an aside, and for what little it's worth, but like a lot of stuff we think we made up here, that was an SA Forums catchphrase (and used elsewhere, but I think it came from SA before SA started its sad spiral into internet irrelevance) years before it appeared here.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:59 AM on March 11 [+] [!]

Really? Oh well. But did we every really get any proof that UN Owen wasn't for real? I don't think she fit the profile of a compulsive liar/scammer -- she was an active community member, and she didn't take the initiative to ask for money herself.
posted by footnote at 5:03 AM on March 11, 2008

stav: I think the chain was something like SexSexWorld -> Portal of Evil -> Something Awful -> Metafilter. All of which I think, bar SSW, were graced by UN Owen at some horrible point. In fact, I think it was on POE that her "jar of peanut butter" revelations were made.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 5:29 AM on March 11, 2008

that was an SA Forums catchphrase (and used elsewhere, but I think it came from SA before SA started its sad spiral into internet irrelevance) years before it appeared here.

I would be interested in seeing a source for that if you have one. mendel claims it is actually from Usenet but can't back that up.
posted by grouse at 5:30 AM on March 11, 2008

UN Owen was completely a fucking psycho flake, footnote. If you're really interested I can probably find the supporting dox, but yeah.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 5:31 AM on March 11, 2008

Pony request - to save having to accidentally see any of this crap, from now on, when an AskMe question exceeds 2000 words can some sort of icon appear on the front page next to the username, maybe a small razor blade or tiny animated pair of emo specs with a tear drop falling from them?
posted by fire&wings at 5:40 AM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Yes, let's officially convene a coram nobis hearing for UN Owen.
posted by footnote at 6:00 AM on March 11, 2008

The beginning of the end for her on POE. Context: she'd just been boasting about how well she sucked cock or something, and then posted a coquettish picture of herself. Turns out that without Myspace angles she looked pretty different. A Specimens Removed post sums it up. From here, a Livejournal post from her ex-boyfriend was linked. In the following thread was an hilarious comment from a former housemate of hers about how she went through a stick of butter a day. Etc etc etc. The rabbit hole never ends.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 6:07 AM on March 11, 2008 [10 favorites]

sansgras, my comment was also facetious.
posted by iconomy at 6:16 AM on March 11, 2008

And here's the metatalk thread where she gets the business.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 6:17 AM on March 11, 2008

Thank you, n_o_display.
Anybody have a copy of it I can play on my Betamax?
posted by Dizzy at 6:24 AM on March 11, 2008

Next y'all are gonna tell me dhoyt is back as ThePinkSuperhero...

::jazz hands::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:10 AM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

nicolas, thanks for the U.N. Owen thread. That should be on the MeTa sidebar; it would serve the same function as all those impaled people outside of Vlad's castle. Plus it's far funnier than even the most hilarious impaling.
posted by Mister_A at 7:14 AM on March 11, 2008

Really? Oh well. But did we every really get any proof that UN Owen wasn't for real? I don't think she fit the profile of a compulsive liar/scammer -- she was an active community member, and she didn't take the initiative to ask for money herself.

She precisely fit the profile of a compulsive liar/scammer, because she compulsively lied and was part of a scam to get money from other MeFites. That it was not her idea doesn't mean she didn't facilitate it, and I think if you read the threads, you'll see that she did.

But, more to the point, although this thread starts with reference to Kaycee, un owen has been brought up here for a good reason. She's the person I thought of when evaluating what we know about sansgras. In other words, the distrust displayed toward sansgras is a result of the scamming that un owen did here. Why would we want to invite that back into the community.

(Read scody's two links for more dirty-feeling bullshit from that woman. Who the fuck tries to physically intimidate someone who's just doing their job? If you want to claim special exemptions because of your past, you have to be willing to demonstrate evidence of that past.)
posted by OmieWise at 7:19 AM on March 11, 2008

Hah!
posted by Partial Law at 7:24 AM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

It's ironic that I considered making a comment in the AskMe thread explaining that it was reasonable for the financial aid officer to request proof because of the willingness of so many undergraduates to lie to get an edge. I decided not to because it didn't answer the question. It seems it would have been unnecessary anyway as u.n. owen, of all people, would know how true that is.
posted by grouse at 7:45 AM on March 11, 2008

I am addicted to this stuff (Kaycee Nicole, UN OWen, GiveWell, etc) now, and it will probably get me fired from my job as Head Rocket Scientist (yes I work on Head Rockets, why do you ask?). And I will need to pass the hat, and in exchange for your largesse, I will offer long dissembling fictions about my abused and abusive childhood and my enthusiasms for violence and public sex, preferably concurrent, and my incredible IQ, my undergrad degrees at MIT (Rocketology) and Yale (Hot Sexy Sexism), my graduate work at the Sorbonne (Astrophysics) and Oxford (Astrology).

And the more discerning among you will discern that I am facing a couple of deadlines, and so am compelled to tighten every screw in the house, clean the top shelf of the bookcase, obsessively read certain web sites for "inspiration", and call long-lost college friends. Because that's how writing is done.
posted by Mister_A at 7:45 AM on March 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

It's weird to say the least.
posted by drezdn at 7:47 AM on March 11, 2008

Mister_A,

I tried to communicate with you telepathically. Pretty flakeyville, hunh? I just felt this strong compulsion when I guess I could have been sleeping but I figured I could sleep later, and I did. I hope you wake up soon. We miss you, tht's all. Take your time as you need, I told you, but I really miss you and flakeyville or not, I hope you felt/heard me last night. I keep lighting candles for you, sweetheart. I think of you every day, I really do. I heart you, big time. I'm going to write you a letter and maybe your Rocketology supervisor could read it to you. Btw, that postage stamp on the letter you sent to me was so cute! I loved the teddy bear with the presents design of it. I didn't see any US stamps as cute or cool as that one. It's a keeper. :) xo ND¢

Current Mood: keeping the faith
posted by ND¢ at 7:51 AM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

And yet, OmieWise, when she posted those threads, there was a lot of support coming from MeFites and a lot of "Good for you!". Is the disgust at the physical intimidation directed at the act, or at her?

Yeah, I read the support and it dismayed me. My disgust is directed at the idea and at the support for the idea. That it's her adds to it, but doesn't create it.

If I had to speculate about where the support for the idea comes from, I would guess that people are reacting sympathetically to the difficulty an abuse survivor might have revisiting those aspects of her life. I can understand that, but I don't think it excuses deliberately acting badly. Nor, as I mentioned, do I think one gets to plead for special consideration because of a past that one is unwilling to have verified. It's kind of one or the other.
posted by OmieWise at 8:00 AM on March 11, 2008

doubting hat

No! Don't tell me you're starting on me! I'm real, I tell you! Real!!

This thread has definitely been worth it for the u.n. owen/InnocentBystander revelation; as for sansgras, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Good luck with the mishegoss, kiddo!
posted by languagehat at 8:02 AM on March 11, 2008

On non-preview:

I will need to pass the hat

Oh no you don't!

*runs faster*
posted by languagehat at 8:04 AM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I apologize to sansgras for any malicious accusory. That said, I must confess that I still cock a skeptical eye at parts of her story. Her original AskMe painted a picture of a naive young captive woman with an advanced degree who never went anywhere except to work and (previously) school because of her controlling father. We later find out that he tracks her movements via her cellphone. She had no friends and had never dated.

In the most recent post, we find out that she's had lots of casual sex, but doesn't count that as "dating." She has a "schtup me" dress (how does her dad let her out of the house in that? Does she change in the rest room at work?) that's a guaranteed guy-getter - how does she escape Dad's watchful eye long enough to trot out the dress and secure a quick hook-up? During her lunch hour at work? She doesn't make enough money at her job to get her own apartment, yet she's asking about luxury hotels in New York (maybe it's a company-paid weekend?)

:::shrug:::
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:08 AM on March 11, 2008

If I had to speculate about where the support for the idea comes from,

Maybe it was from the fact that, despite her presentation, the story she told contained no actual physical intimidation but rather just bringing a friend along for moral support?

You'll note many comments in that thread that comment on that fact.

And frankly, knowing more about the poster's on-line history a) makes me wonder if the incident took place at all, and b) makes me absolutely certain that if the incident did take place, the details were embellished to make a good story.

You shouldn't confuse people's approval of a narrative for their belief in it.
posted by tkolar at 10:09 AM on March 11, 2008

there are known unowens and there are unknown unowens
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:23 AM on March 11, 2008 [24 favorites]

It's true there was no mention of roughing the guy up or anything, but I thought the intimidation factor was pretty plainly laid out in the original metatalk post, hence my comment in that thread. But yeah, it's all pretty pointless considering the source. I doubt it ever happened at all.
posted by puke & cry at 10:28 AM on March 11, 2008

Maybe it was from the fact that, despite her presentation, the story she told contained no actual physical intimidation but rather just bringing a friend along for moral support?

You must be reading a different story. That physical intimidation was meant to be implied is everywhere evident in her account, from her description of her friend's dress to her description of the administrator's reaction. I understand that no one was explicitly threatened in the story, but I think it's despicable nonetheless.

You shouldn't confuse people's approval of a narrative for their belief in it.

I'm not sure what this means. Seriously. Many of the comments are of the "good job" variety. Few are of the "good story" variety. Even if we discount that the incident took place (which I agree, is unlikely given the author), the approval was directed at the idea that it's appropriate to intimidate someone if you don't like the questions they ask. Awful.
posted by OmieWise at 10:28 AM on March 11, 2008

All this sansgras stuff aside... I don't know if I am better or worse for now knowing un owen exists on the planet.
posted by jerseygirl at 10:28 AM on March 11, 2008

The bit that I liked about the college financial aid guy intimidation scheme post (or C-FAG-ISP) is that I know many men will disrespect, harrass, and humiliate women who are unaccompanied by men. If a man appears at her shoulder, suddenly the misogynist shit-bags are all sweetness and "yes, Ma'am". My reading of the C-FAG-ISP was that the FAG was that kind of man (a woman-hating coward), and that it was completely in bounds to bring someone along to help ensure the proper courtesy. I would (and have) done the same for my wife and my step-daughter, and while I wish I did not have to, pretending that this sort of thing doesn't happen doesn't help anyone. In related news, TEChNOVikIinG!!!111!
posted by Mister_A at 10:33 AM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh boy, Technoviking! That's where I'm asleep!
posted by grouse at 10:42 AM on March 11, 2008 [6 favorites]

Ja ja, check out Måt Høwië's current post on the blue, that's what turned me on to the TechnoViking.
posted by Mister_A at 10:51 AM on March 11, 2008

Yeah, I know those kinds of guys, too, Mister_A, but there really is no indication that that's what this guy was like in either the question or the comments un owen posted. There's a lot of assertion by answerers that he's that kind of guy, but un owen doesn't even take the opportunity to confirm it. And, regardless, she didn't get a male friend to come along for moral support, in the story she got one to come along to be physically intimidating.

I don't want to keep belaboring this, because it probably didn't happen anyway, but the whole incident, from soup to nuts, seems shitty and not worthy of praise.
posted by OmieWise at 10:53 AM on March 11, 2008

Part of the problem with the incident that OmieWise is describing is the thing I was mentioning in another MeTa thread... we (where we = society, not necessarily people here) get really congratulatory when people who have been dealt a really crappy hand somehow get even. I think part of this is identifying with the underdog, part of this is just liking to believe in justice or karma or whathaveyou. When the people are, for example, survivors of abuse, there is a little more tolerance or acceptance of "an eye for an eye" retribution which would normally be totally unacceptable, in my worldview anyhow. We see this in MeFi where the snarkee becomes the snarker and it's somehow more "justified" snark than it would be if it were just unprovoked.

Anyhow, I felt like the story was a bit of a tall tale anyhow. Bringing someone for support = okay in my book. Intimidating someone who is likely just some lame dorky office functionary = much less so, especially if the recounting of events is sketch or suspect. Even though I have a bit of the underdog affinity myself, there are times where I'm just disinclined to believe, because I often feel that people can't be as terrible as others are describing (we see this a lot with relationshipfilter "what's the other side of the story here...?) and before I really get morally outraged, I have to be damned sure that it's not because someone is jerking my chain.

The online/unreal nature of this I think makes this more cut and dried from an observer's perspective and the one-sided nature of most AskMe reporting does lead to situations where we're being asked to take a story at face value that might be sort of true but may be a little untrue. I'm happier just moving on and giving people advice on how to get in to library school or where to find good mini golf in the DC area, but the desire to understand and to help is strong and these weird stories -- really the weirder they are, the more the people seem to need help to untangle them, don't they? -- drive attention like nothing else.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:14 AM on March 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

It is pretty weird that people are jumping up to defend un owen's actions here. It seems that she requested some sort of exemption from the scholarship rules at her school based on certain claims and then freaked out when they asked for proof of her claims (justifiably, according to her). She doesn't exactly have a reputation for telling the whole truth here on Metafilter, so it doesn't seem unreasonable to suppose there is a chance she is a little liberal with the truth in real life too. Now she physically intimidates someone at her school into accepting her story without any proof at all. I can sort of understand supporting that, if one takes her story at face value, but given what we know of her, the story leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.
posted by ssg at 11:22 AM on March 11, 2008

OmieWise, I know what you mean, and I think I was seeing that episode through my own particular filter, and it was colored by my experience with that sort of person. Plus, yea, it's probably totally fake.
posted by Mister_A at 11:23 AM on March 11, 2008

We are all of us rough-hewn cogs in a marvelous machine.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:27 AM on March 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

I can sort of understand supporting that, if one takes her story at face value, but given what we know of her, the story leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.

But keep in mind, when she posted the story as "IB's wife," it wasn't common knowledge at that point that it was U.N.Owen, Known Fabulist. Hence the inclination of a number of so many people to give her the benefit of the doubt (or just gloss over the ridiculousness of the story entirely), especially given the "underdog/abuse survivor asserts self to mean, faceless bureaucrat, rah rah rah" narrative.
posted by scody at 11:41 AM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

scody: I agree with you. That's why I said that it is "weird that people are jumping up to defend un owen's actions here" i.e. in this thread.
posted by ssg at 11:46 AM on March 11, 2008

I don't think anyone is defending her actions so much as they're defending their responses in that thread.
posted by puke & cry at 11:51 AM on March 11, 2008

You shouldn't confuse people's approval of a narrative for their belief in it.
I'm not sure what this means. Seriously.

Sorry, let me expand a bit.

Her story bears much in common with these narratives -- charming little revenge stories that completely fall apart under scrutiny. What starts with "yay, cool for that person" becomes "They let their Aunt Millie fly in from Milwaukee for that? How selfish."

But the narrative remains popular nonetheless, and if that story showed up as a followup to an AskMe ("I think my fiancee is cheating on me... what should I do?") it would be met with similar support -- despite the fact that if it really happened the way it was told, it would be a really shitty thing to do.

People like these stories, and the fact that people in that thread are saying "Yeah! You should have brought an even bigger guy wearing a hockey mask and carrying a chainsaw!" should probably not be taken literally. IMHO they're just adding their own take on what would make the revenge story sweeter.
posted by tkolar at 12:21 PM on March 11, 2008

For the benefit of the ignorant, the u.n. owen case file.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:26 PM on March 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

Bleagh. I'm glad sansgras has been vindicated(ish). I never saw much discrepancy in her posts--in fact, I was really glad to read in her later posts/questions that she was dating someone, as it would get her out of the house with her oppressive father.

Her story is plausible to me because I know a girl who is in pretty much her position. Extremely oppressive, traditional Middle-Eastern father. Entered college at an extremely young age, graduated at a young age. Their stories diverge because the girl I know met people in college who introduced her to new, not-religiously-dogmatic ideas and lots of drugs. Good in some ways, but not in others, because though she's well-versed in partying very, very hard, she's not versed in supporting herself, and lives a schizophrenic lifestyle where she parties more than is healthy for her while attempting to maintain a facade of purity in front of her parents.

So I could fully imagine what would happen if that girl was not introduced to a different lifestyle in college, or resisted that lifestyle more. Instead of barely passing classes because she was high all the time, she could graduate early because her incredibly insular family life left her not much to do with herself besides study. know kids in my school who entered five year undergrad/masters tracks and got their masters in the four years (a couple have done it in three, those hyperintelligent bastards), so her getting her master's by twenty would not be crazy to me. Then she goes straight to a job, because that's all she really knows how to do next, and starts contemplating med school because nothing says success to her family like an M.D.

The insecurity, immaturity, and extreme self-analyzing behavior would be perfectly in line with someone raised in a controlled environment where they were not allowed social outlets outside the family. I mean, has nobody else here noticed that when you grow up with few friends, when you finally start talking to people all you have to talk about is yourself?

Finally, I see no disconnect in how quick her relationships moved when she finally started them. Jesus Christ, it was my impression that 70-80% of MeFites were or are dateless nerdlings at some point in their lives! If so, then people, you cannot possibly be arguing then that lack of dates and sex immediately translates to lack of interest in dates and sex, and creates hesitation to engage in those activities when the opportunities finally arise. I don't know about you guys, but the friends I've had who didn't get a chance to get laid until after high school weren't about to start playing blushing, shrinking virgin when that chance finally happened. Not so much "Aw, shucks, let's just hold hands for a while" as "SWEET JESUS FINALLY PLEASE TAKE ME NOW DEAR GOD".
posted by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on March 11, 2008

With the proviso that the story is probably more fiction than fact, as presented it's pretty plausible. Leaving aside the emotional aspects of it the central point seemed to be that the prior official and the current official disagreed on a technicality, and plenty of posters with relevant experience chimed in to concur that there was no solid, universal standard by which to judge that point.

Having dealt with my share of admissions departments I have no trouble at all believing that those central facts could easily have been true.
posted by Skorgu at 12:32 PM on March 11, 2008

[IB's wife, who used to indeed be U.N. Owen]

For those who wondered honestly, "what happened to me" is pretty normal. I'm going back to college, married (for about 2 years now, with a Disney World ceremony, and this account is his, though he doesn't use it much any more because he's more active on reddit), and living a normal life in a normal house with normal friends and a bunch of not entirely normal pets. The fact that the combined wrath of metafilter came down on me once really, actually fucked with me quite a bit. I never got my own account, for one thing, because of it.

I'm still fat, so if you want to make fun of me for that, that's cool.

But yeah, if you ever want to go get drinks or something, let me know. I'd already told a few people on metafilter my super-seekrit identity, but whatever, if it's public, I guess what's done is done. By the way -- in case anyone wondered, my money problems are over and have been for some time. The people who helped back then were actually a genuinely good help, whether you want to believe that or not. Today, with my financial aid money, I got the laptop I'd ordered from the Dell outlet. I paid my rent on time for the 12th consecutive month. I got a cute skirt on clearance and am wearing it. These are pretty new and cool things for me. They might not be for you, but they are for me. In three years, I'll have a dual degree in education and political science. That'll be pretty neat, too, since the first time around in school, I didn't get to finish.

Your detective work and memories are excellent. If you'd like, I'll leave again. I was originally asked by Jessamyn to leave (without, it's worth noting, even asking if I had documentation to back up my story -- which I did, for at least 95% of it), and my husband will continue or not, as is his wish. It's been several years since all of that occurred. We have mefimail now. If you'd like to ask me about any part of that, I would be...not exactly happy, but okay with answering just about any question from that part of my life.

I bet you changed a lot from when you were 20 until you turned 24, too. It was my birthday on Sunday. I was hoping for a fresh start to the year. If any of you see fit to give it to me, that'd be awesome. If it's only going to cause drama, I'll make an exit, because I'm really not in favor of internet drama at this point in time (nor real life drama -- I even chickenshitted out on giving my mom's boyfriend a passive-aggressive gift, and I'm glad, since they broke up since).
posted by InnocentBystander at 12:39 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

[Additionally, I will not be monitoring this thread, because last time, it made me pretty depressed for a long time. If you want to talk to me, use mefi mail. I'll read that. This sort of thread, where everyone jumps on someone and defenses are impossible, is really painful to read if you've been part of it. Whether you think it was deserved or not, it still sucks to read it. So I won't, and if you'd like to make angry annoyed comments or nice ones, mefimail is the place to do it. Besides, this is a different thread, on a different topic.]
posted by InnocentBystander at 12:44 PM on March 11, 2008

IB's wife: I'm genuinely curious, why are there too different timelines for your childhood bullying story?
posted by fermezporte at 12:46 PM on March 11, 2008

.
posted by Mister_A at 12:47 PM on March 11, 2008

By the way -- in case anyone wondered, my money problems are over and have been for some time. The people who helped back then were actually a genuinely good help, whether you want to believe that or not.

You offering refunds?
posted by ND¢ at 12:48 PM on March 11, 2008 [7 favorites]

wah wah wah. You weren't a victim U.N. Owen - you actually were the victimizer. There are many better people on this site who are able to take any thread and become the "victim" in it. You, however, are not one of those people.
posted by Stynxno at 12:53 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Just when we thought we were out of popcorn....
posted by Big_B at 12:54 PM on March 11, 2008

This seems like the right place to make this announcement: My next band is going to be called Coronado Paranoiac Jurassic Starlight. That's from a spam that seems to have been sent by William S. Burroughs.
posted by Mister_A at 12:59 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Don't care much about the drama and the fraud, since this ilk is all over the internet. Surprised that MetaFilter got taken by it, though.

"this account is his, though he doesn't use it much any more because he's more active on reddit)"

I think this is total bullshit. If it's his account, then you should not be using it without disclaiming every single time that it's you.

"The fact that the combined wrath of metafilter came down on me once really, actually fucked with me quite a bit."

If you earned that wrath fair and square? Then, shut up. If you didn't, that's something altogether different. But, I hope you're not making a sympathy play because the big bad meanie detective squad here found you out.

" I never got my own account, for one thing, because of it."

Again, I find this to be patently against the guidelines and in direct opposition to how things are supposed to work around here. You were banned. Hiding under someone else's account is wrong. Blaming us for the fact that you couldn't bear to get your own account is worse.

"The people who helped back then were actually a genuinely good help"

Yeah, free cash usually is genuinely good.

"If you'd like, I'll leave again."

It's not up to me, but yeah, I'd like you to leave. I'm all for people making a fresh start at MetaFilter, but that means actually START OVER. Without the drama, the lying, the hinky AskMes, the conflicting stories. If you're still here, wearing "u.n. owen" like a bloody badge of bizarre pride, and circumventing the guidelines for participation, you've certainly not started over.

"I bet you changed a lot from when you were 20 until you turned 24, too. "

Not even remotely the point here. Pathetic red herring.

"I was hoping for a fresh start to the year. If any of you see fit to give it to me, that'd be awesome."

And skulking around a site where you were banned, posting while using someone else's account, secretly, seemed the right way to make your fresh start? Only, we are somehow in control of whether you receive that fresh start?

"I'm really not in favor of internet drama"

You don't say. You sure do still seem to love playing the victim, though. All grownsed up, huh?
posted by pineapple at 12:59 PM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Things like this always make me reflect on the words of wisdom from the great St. Twain: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
posted by Drastic at 1:01 PM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Just when we thought we were out of popcorn....

...and were all set to fold-up the lawn chairs.
posted by ericb at 1:21 PM on March 11, 2008

I'd be interested to know if there was ever a guy behind the InnocentBystander name or if it was just un owen fucking with everyone.
posted by puke & cry at 1:28 PM on March 11, 2008

Wow, this just got waaaaaaay more entertaining! Pity I have a class tonight or I'd be happily nuking the popcorn right now. I'm trying and failing to remember, wasn't there also some Monkeyfilter U.N. Owen drama at around the same time as the stuff on the gray? Under yet another name?
posted by mygothlaundry at 1:42 PM on March 11, 2008

Hmmm, InnocentBystander's account page still looks live.
posted by Mister_A at 1:45 PM on March 11, 2008

Anyway, nice use of the Chewbacca defense, UN Owen/InnocentBystander.
posted by Mister_A at 1:47 PM on March 11, 2008

YAY! I cannot get enough of this stuff.

*rolls around in filth*
posted by Skot at 1:51 PM on March 11, 2008 [7 favorites]

(Though I am guessing that the admins are lighting their hair on fire. My condolences.)
posted by Skot at 1:52 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Don't hog the filth, skot.
posted by Mister_A at 2:02 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Why is this still open? Admin-strategery?

Hey everybody, our attention to this thread is preventing us from posting new, and similarly awesome/awful spectacles on MeTa!
posted by cior at 2:06 PM on March 11, 2008

comment removed - reproducing hateful comments from other sites here when you could just as easily link to them is making a bad situation worse.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:08 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

There are people who want this thread closed? There has never been, and may never be, a greater thread than this.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 2:10 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think that's the first time I've seen a comment removed from MeTa.
posted by triggerfinger at 2:12 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh look Dennis, there's some lovely filth over here!

InnocentBystander's quest for a passive-aggressive gift! Later mentions in the thread it's "IB's wife" (now known as u.n. owen) posting--are we surprised, given the dramatic story and petty methods taken for resolution? The stalking ex takes on a new light in consideration of the saga of Ross and Jeanette, given that she leveled the same accusations against him when he attempted to collect unpaid rent. And there's the familiar claims of abuse, childhood trauma and adulthood martyrdom (that one got a lot of favorites), and sexually themed comments that are sure to establish the sort of persona people pay attention to! And that's just the stuff claimed under IB's wife. Who knows what's real and not in IB's posting history?
posted by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on March 11, 2008

It's like two witch-hunts in one thread! The intellectual, empathetic side of me says, "Haven't any of you lived? Do you really think you are truly in control of your lives at any time? Have any of you experienced pain, emotional instability, fears, need to be accepted? Can't you see these are human beings, just like yourself?" The lizard brain side of me says, "Oooooh, a mob is gathering, where's my camcorder? Will there be bottles thrown?" I think I'll leave the stadium before I become more disillusioned.

What building is it? The asylum? The
posted by not_on_display at 2:15 PM on March 11, 2008

(whoops, seems my hand hit "post" before I could finish. Probably no accident, that. Listen to the subconscious!)
posted by not_on_display at 2:16 PM on March 11, 2008

wow, she's back. one wonders if the Innocent Bystander account will post again.
posted by shmegegge at 2:22 PM on March 11, 2008

Have any of you experienced pain, emotional instability, fears, need to be accepted?

Yes and through it all I have managed to not scam money out of people by lying to them. I must be a fucking saint!
posted by ND¢ at 2:22 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Now we just need to learn that at least 25% of metafilter members are actually dhoyt and this thread will be assured a place in the hall of fame.
posted by drezdn at 2:26 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

The intellectual, empathetic side of me says, "Haven't any of you lived? Do you really think you are truly in control of your lives at any time? Have any of you experienced pain, emotional instability, fears, need to be accepted? Can't you see these are human beings, just like yourself?"

The intellectual, empathetic side of me says, "The fantastical stories and endless need for attention are very characteristic of people who became emotionally 'stuck' around the age of 7. And come to think of it, I find these people every bit as tiresome as a 7 year old who's homework was stolen by nazi frogmen."

In short, the fact that the behavior is 'natural' doesn't make it any less annoying.

You don't even want to know what my lizard brain thinks.
posted by tkolar at 2:26 PM on March 11, 2008

schroedinger said: "InnocentBystander's quest for a passive-aggressive gift!"

Ho. Lee. Shit. I totally remember that one. When I read it originally, I remember it didn't pass my sniff test.... it wasn't the interest in buying an eff-you gift... it was the oh-so-carefully crafted narrative. I'm sure she dined out for days on the 79 favorites that it garnered (which I suspect is also the reason she carefully mentioned it here again).
posted by pineapple at 2:26 PM on March 11, 2008

Mister_A: "Hmmm, InnocentBystander's account page still looks live."

Yeah, I don't understand why the account hasn't been closed, either. un owen was, apparently, asked to leave the site by jessamyn (not that I'll believe that until jessamyn confirms it) and has been using another person's account, only occasionally indicating that she's not the original owner of that account (sound familiar?!).

She's just taking the piss. Again. And I can't see how it doesn't merit an instant ban. (Shame for the supposed husband who bought the account, but since he's not using it anyway...)
posted by jack_mo at 2:27 PM on March 11, 2008

Getcher tar right here! Hot tar, ten dollars same as in town! Feathers at the next booth, sorry.
posted by languagehat at 2:27 PM on March 11, 2008

I think everyone in this thread should be banned.
posted by Mister_A at 2:29 PM on March 11, 2008

FILTH FIIIIILTH

not_on_display, if there was evidence, any evidence at all, that u.n. owen was not the same u.n. owen who set the Internets a-fire years ago that would be one thing. But from her posting, u.n. owen/Jeanette Vanderbosch/musingmelpomene/who-knows-what-else is the same person she has always been, just under a different name.

It is possible to go through hard times without willfully lying and hurting a bunch of people--or at least trying to avoid it and feeling bad and apologizing when it happens. And because this Metatalk thread needs to hit as many cliches as possible, I have to do what I'm going to do next.

You know who else lies to people and doesn't care?
posted by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on March 11, 2008

I miss ole sansgras already.
posted by Mister_A at 2:32 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'M WITH THE BANNED.
posted by dersins at 2:34 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hm? Oh yeah, we sell feathers, here.

What? Yeah, it's the same price as in town.

Because then you'd have to walk to town to get them, and I'm right here.

I don't know.

Do I look like I give a fuck what the fuck benefits town has? Are you buying feathers or not?

FINE! FUCK YOU, THEN! And you know what, maybe I will call you when I garner a better appreciation for the keynesian economic model! Also when I'm done fucking your mother!

Hm? Yeah, we got feathers, here.
posted by shmegegge at 2:35 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Did the mods know of Innocentbystander's "connection" to owens? There have been some members who were booted/left only to be allowed back under a different name provided they didn't stir up problems again.
posted by drezdn at 2:36 PM on March 11, 2008

This is the best of the web. Sad and true!
posted by everichon at 2:36 PM on March 11, 2008

*plops LARGE RAIL onto ground, wipe brow*

Someone needed a rail, here? Can one of you sign for this?
posted by everichon at 2:38 PM on March 11, 2008

I'm just sayin'. Or not. I must get my own fucking blog one day, so the whole world will see things my way. Anyway, have fun. Or not.
posted by not_on_display at 2:38 PM on March 11, 2008

drezdn: "Did the mods know of Innocentbystander's "connection" to owens? There have been some members who were booted/left only to be allowed back under a different name provided they didn't stir up problems again."

Seems safe to say that Jessamyn does, seeing as she commented above, long after InnocentBystander confirmed that she is indeed un owen (and what a username to pick for her comeback that is!).

Is anyone else secretly hoping that it turns out to be dhoyt pretending to be un owen in the guise of InnocentBystander?
posted by jack_mo at 2:47 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd already told a few people on metafilter my super-seekrit identity, but whatever, if it's public, I guess what's done is done.

I remember you telling me a few months ago, and although I remember the conversation and would mention it every now and then to people ("Wonder where u.n. owen is?" "Funny story, she IMed me one night..."), I had completely forgotten until now the account you were associated with (I seem to recall you mentioned it to me as your husband's and not as one you yourself were using, though it was a long time ago and I could be wrong) . I'm all for giving people a second, third, whatever chance, and I wish you could have one, but I don't know if it's possible to get one without completely starting over and never, ever revealing who you "really" are. Which is sad, but, again, I have no better ideas.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:53 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Did the mods know of Innocentbystander's "connection" to owens?

We just found out as you guys did. The old u.n. owen account has been banned. I'd like to make a very public request that u.n. owen not use her husband's account from this point forward. Sharing accounts more than extremely rarely is very uncool.

IB or u.n. owen can follow up with me or cortex via email or IM with the caveat that I'm on the road until late tomorrow night. If you're flush now I guess I'd like my $20 back.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:55 PM on March 11, 2008 [16 favorites]

"I find these people every bit as tiresome as a 7 year old who's homework was stolen by nazi frogmen."

Truly, the tragedy there is that it makes it harder for those of us who, at seven, had their homework stolen by Nazi frogmen.
posted by klangklangston at 2:57 PM on March 11, 2008 [8 favorites]

Whom had their homework stolen?

Just fucking atrophy already, dative case.
posted by klangklangston at 2:59 PM on March 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

This really raises more questions than it answers. Are these frogmen like guys in wetsuits or are these half-frog half-men, and if so, were they made into these horrific creatures by twisted Nazi scientists, or are these a hideous race of half-frog half-men that just so happened to find the tenets of national socialism appealing?
posted by ND¢ at 3:03 PM on March 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

It was half shark alligator half man. In my case, anyway.
posted by everichon at 3:09 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Can you imagine working at this place?
posted by Mister_A at 3:10 PM on March 11, 2008

Someone needed a rail, here? Can one of you sign for this?
posted by everichon at 5:38 PM on March 11

Oh hey, I can.

Waaaaaaaait a minute. Last time I signed for a rail, it was one of them INTO town type rails. I ain't signing for nothing till I know for damn sure it's an OUTTA town rail, this time.
posted by shmegegge at 3:13 PM on March 11, 2008

*waits to see if the (now known) u.n.owen refunds jessamyn her $20(SAIT)*
posted by languagehat at 3:19 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the IB/UN thing was a surprise to us. I've been doing some research on IPs and posting histories to try and pin things down as best as I can. My best guess based on that:

InnocentBystander is a guy who joined the site in November of 2004. Actual guy, papertrail exists on the internet. Possibility exists that the papertrail itself is all a fabrication, of course, but that proposition is more pathological and far-reaching than I'm willing to entertain at the moment.

In a thread on the blue in December 2004, IB elliptically calls UN "a friend", UN chastises him with a joke about not letting him move in if he doesn't take it back, and IB clarifies that she is the most wonderful girl ever.

Pretty strongly suggests they knew each other, whether as close friends or romantic partners, when IB signed up the previous month; and based on IP collisions, they were likely roommates indeed when the big u.n. owen kerfluffle kicked up end of Feb, beginning of March 2005.

Which is neither here nor there, but it does suggest a timeline for potential account-sharing that goes back as far as the original meltdown. Which, itself, is kind of a shitty implication; I don't know how often and how early she actually started using his account, post-meltdown, but a span of three years and a clear record of regular sharing at this point is pretty fucked up and not okay, and she needs to cut it out pronto. If the dude himself isn't really using the account, I'm inclined to think we should just close it and leave it at that.

I'll drop her a line, regardless.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:26 PM on March 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

If you're flush now I guess I'd like my $20 back.

If she's flush now, I'd like to see her pay everyone back. (And I say that as someone's who's not owed a penny.)

Having said that, I'm looking forward to the elaborate story and narrative sleights of hand she'll concoct to explain why she couldn't possibly do such a thing. Overseas phone sex investment schemes gone awry, leading to a pan-European scandal of epic proportions, possibly reaching all the way to Crown Prince Otto? Or just difficulties with Paypal?

If the dude himself isn't really using the account, I'm inclined to think we should just close it and leave it at that.

Wasn't the u.n.owen account actually opened up by someone else, too, and she assumed "ownership" of it later as well?

Geez, the lengths some people will go to just to avoid paying $5.
posted by scody at 3:35 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

pretty fucked up and not okay

Considering you have no idea, no systematic way of preventing account sharing, and it all hinges on a gentleman's agreement not to do it, I'm sort of surprised by this. Would that Metafilter held the same value on identity when it comes to people using sockpuppets.

Surely it has to be about identity, and not that one instance prevents $5 extra going in the coffers, and the latter means multiples of that.
posted by Dave Faris at 3:39 PM on March 11, 2008

*waits to see if the (now known) u.n.owen refunds jessamyn her $20(SAIT)*

You really are a patient fellow.
posted by tkolar at 3:40 PM on March 11, 2008

> pretty fucked up and not okay

Considering you have no idea, no systematic way of preventing account sharing, and it all hinges on a gentleman's agreement not to do it, I'm sort of surprised by this. Would that Metafilter held the same value on identity when it comes to people using sockpuppets.

Obviously we have no 100% systematic way to detect or prevent account sharing. The same goes for self-linking, though, and yet we consider willful, undisclosed self-linking to be pretty fucked up and not okay as well. We also consider abusive use of sockpuppets to be out of line, and I've had varyingly polite discussions with a few different people in the last year over the issue.

Contrary to whatever may be popular belief, sockpuppet accounts that we know about and that are being used for other than utterly lighthearted or e.g. sparing, legit (as opposed to abusive) askme emergency-handling or anonymization? Probably gonna get closed down when we see the problematic behavior. While we can't be 100% certain about things, we've been steadily building up our toolset for detecting fishy inter-account hijinks.

If two people are sharing an account and it never, ever comes to light, does it make a sound? I think habitual account-sharing is bad, just on principle. Buy an extra account. If $5 is a hardship, write to us and explain the situation.

I think genuinely occasional posting-for-my-wife/friend/father stuff is not so bad, particularly when it is explicitly disclosed as such. I don't think that's much of anything like what's going on in the IB/UN situation here, by UN's own admission, and I think the situation here is decidedly fucked, yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:52 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Are these frogmen like guys in wetsuits or are these half-frog half-men, and if so, were they made into these horrific creatures by twisted Nazi scientists, or are these a hideous race of half-frog half-men that just so happened to find the tenets of national socialism appealing?"

Yes, all of those. They are half-man-half-frog chimera that also wear wetsuits, some of them created by Nazis and some of them coming to national socialism though a misguided scapegoating of the Jews for the tadpole collapse of '29. And when Abe Sapien fights them, it gets really hard to draw.

I only shudder to think of what those mutated bastards will do with a report on the agricultural production of Michigan. Some sort of sugar beet evil, likely.
posted by klangklangston at 4:00 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Also, the frogmen say that $5 is a hardship as Paypal is painfully bound to a monetary-exchange model, refusing to accept flies, grubs, larvae or scum in exchange for funds, and they would like their own account so that they can start posting to the green as their own sockpuppets.
posted by klangklangston at 4:03 PM on March 11, 2008

Aside from a throw-away joke sockpuppet, is there really any legitimate use? For the sake of the community's need and desire for identity security (as amply demonstrated in this thread) I'd suggest it's "no."
posted by Dave Faris at 4:07 PM on March 11, 2008

Sock puppets are great for AskMe when you have a question you don't want attached to your meatspace identity.
posted by small_ruminant at 4:26 PM on March 11, 2008

Though, due to a combination of cheapness and laziness I've just used the "anonymous" feature instead.
posted by small_ruminant at 4:30 PM on March 11, 2008

Dave, I get the impression that you feel strongly... about something.... can you just come right out and make yourself clear? All this beating around the bush doesn't help anyone.
posted by pineapple at 4:35 PM on March 11, 2008

Is u.n. owen really deserving of the benefit of the doubt that she won't use IB's account?

It's not benefit of the doubt here so much as "waiting for a response". Shutting down an account that I'm hoping for a mefimail response from would be silly, in other words, though I rather doubt we'll see much onsite activity from IB in the interim.

Aside from a throw-away joke sockpuppet, is there really any legitimate use? For the sake of the community's need and desire for identity security (as amply demonstrated in this thread) I'd suggest it's "no."

Personally, I don't really disagree with you. In practice, we're likely to take these things on an as-they-come basis, so if what you're hoping for is a hardline declaration followed by a systematic mass-banning of known and suspected socks, you're going to be disappointed.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:43 PM on March 11, 2008

We are all of us rough-hewn cogs (also some shitass looney borderline personality disorder psychic vampire basketcases who make even this callused wino shiver in sympathetic douche chills) in a marvelous machine (and that's fine with me).

Do you ever get that I feel for someone who's being a weirdo/jerk thing and have it battle your sincere righteous indignation? Can that be adjusted somehow?
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:47 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

(waits to hear if Jessamyn gets paid back by InnocentBystander in coupons for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!).

HURF DURF INTERNET FRAUD ORGY!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 4:49 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Divine_Wino, I find that the two sometimes collide, fumble about in the dark for a bit, and come back out merged together into a sort of sighing pragmatism that desperately needs a cigarette. Also: rough-hewn clogs.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:54 PM on March 11, 2008

Best Metatalk thread ever. Glad I spent 3 days going through it and its related threads.

*inserts ILOVETHISTHREADSOMUCH.jpg*
posted by m0nm0n at 5:32 PM on March 11, 2008

I've got the exact pair Cortex, except mine say my government name burned in by a soldering iron, apparently if your grandma is Swedish you get those shits on some kind of government stipend around age five, they're wicked uncomfortable. Also yeah, I'm due three or four Camel Lights when I walk the dog.
posted by Divine_Wino at 5:38 PM on March 11, 2008

I've followed the sansgras threads and call-outs since the beginning, so it was more an issue of checking up every once in a while to see what else has transpired. Except now my strong curiosity about past scandals and to be "in" on all the in-jokes is clashing with my desire to pass my courses. Do I follow the multitudes of u.n. owen threads or do I prepare for tomorrow's presentation?

Sigh.
posted by Phire at 5:43 PM on March 11, 2008

This is freaking great! This is the like THE MEGATHREAD! Can we talk about givewell now, too?

Weee! Silenced all my life!!
posted by dirtdirt at 6:03 PM on March 11, 2008

Additionally, I will not be monitoring this thread, because last time, it made me pretty depressed for a long time.

Now that is total bullshit. She will be hitting reload along with the rest of us.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 6:09 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

She will be hitting reload along with the rest of us.

She probably has another "previously owned" account all ready to go and is deciding how best to deploy it.
posted by amyms at 6:14 PM on March 11, 2008

Man, Metafilter IS still enjoyable!
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:19 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Man, Metafilter IS still Kafkaesque!
posted by tkolar at 6:31 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I've been using Lentrohamsanin's account, but it's cool because he's my lived in lover. We share the same pants and everything.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:33 PM on March 11, 2008

PST, you should get a free pass for pretty much anything wicked you do since you sang Jingle Rock Bell. I still listen every Christmas.
posted by sugarfish at 6:38 PM on March 11, 2008

he's my lived in lover

Lived in? As in the euphemism for 'used'?

As in the kind you find in a second-hand store?

♫ Raaaaaaaaspberry beret. ♫
posted by CKmtl at 7:02 PM on March 11, 2008

Too soon!
posted by cior at 7:32 PM on March 11, 2008

cior, that's not cool. seriously not cool.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:45 PM on March 11, 2008

(but yeah, I'm a sap)
posted by cior at 7:46 PM on March 11, 2008

New Rules of Metafilter:

new rule #1. You don't talk about sansgras.
new rule #2. You don't talk about sansgras.
new rule #3. sangras can only use metafilter through a hole in a sheet.

this is all rather silly.
posted by wantwit at 7:46 PM on March 11, 2008

not cool? I donated.

It's ridiculously unfortunate timing, that's all. Perhaps something for us all to chew on, morally speaking, in light of this thread.
posted by cior at 7:48 PM on March 11, 2008

Perhaps something for us all to chew on, morally speaking, in light of this thread.

I think so- I don't think it was wrong of you to bring it to Metatalk, anyway.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:51 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I saw the nickyskye site in Projects and it broke my heart that someone so warm and gracious would find herself most in need right at the time that the un owen crap resurfaced. I hope like hell that nickyskye finds herself with an extra $250 in groceries courtesy of un owen (I'd hope even more that the original "creditors" would get their money back as well, but since I'm sure some of them are long gone I think it would be fitting if any unclaimed money were to go to someone who represents the best of MeFi rather than staying in the hands of someone who represents the worst.)
posted by stefanie at 8:02 PM on March 11, 2008 [6 favorites]

Wasn't the u.n.owen account actually opened up by someone else, too, and she assumed "ownership" of it later as well?

Bartered for a gmail address no less. Although, like apparently everything else in her life or that comes out of her mouth, I suspect that's bullshit.
posted by jerseygirl at 8:05 PM on March 11, 2008

I find it on one hand distasteful for Nickyskye to have been brought up in this particular thread. It's clear to me as a regular reader (and rather more sporadic participant) that her situation and her place in this community is nothing, nothing like certain others mentioned above. On the other hand, I didn't know about her page before, and I'm grateful that it's now got my attention.
posted by houseofdanie at 8:06 PM on March 11, 2008

miss lynnster wrote...
cior, that's not cool. seriously not cool.

I disagree. It's too easy while wading through this muck to forget that there are genuine people in need of genuine help in the world.
posted by tkolar at 8:43 PM on March 11, 2008

Everyone needs a hug. BARKEEP! HUGS! All aroun'. and another Jameson for me.

Whatchoo lookin' at?! C'mere, gimme a hug. I won't throw up on your fav'rit T shirt, promise.
posted by not_on_display at 8:44 PM on March 11, 2008

Yo, seriously, if any of you want to do right by a fucking super righteous awesome magic special member of metafilter who isn't pulling any kind of bullshit and deserves all of our love and any kind of friendly contributions, please check this out here. That's Nickyskye and she's fucking well important.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:51 PM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

I'm very glad to have seen the Nickyskye link -- I wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

Mods: can we consider it for the sidebar?
posted by scody at 9:06 PM on March 11, 2008

You people amaze me.

U,N.Owen/Innocentbystander is a real person, with feelings. Apparently she managed to piss off a bunch of you four years ago.

Four years is a long time, particularly for someone young. I'd like to see the Brand New Day policy liberally applied. And for those of you who gave her money, well, people, this is the internet and you had to know that such is always a risk-that is the nature of the beast.

I don't know and I frankly do not care who was right and who was wrong four years ago. I know that I certainly am not the same person who was banned back in 2002, and altho I am not universally beloved I still feel I have a place here. How's about we give her a chance to do likewise?

(And yes, I have corresponded with her privately, and at length-and no, I'm not sharing. But I think she deserves a chance to redeem herself. If it takes a fresh user name, whatever. I personally think they should let her keep innocentbystander especially since we all know it is her now anyway. But whatever.)

Remember, it's really pretty easy to get one's internet rep trashed whether or not it's deserved...treat her like YOU would like to be treated, folks.
posted by konolia at 9:35 PM on March 11, 2008

treat her like YOU would like to be treated, folks

But people already did that. And look where it got them.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:44 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

You people amaze me.

U,N.Owen/Innocentbystander is a real person, with feelings.

Yes, well, we are pretty fucking amazing.

Did you bother to read any of the many, many well-linked posts that document the fairly awesome swath this person has cut across the 'net in her very purple travels? I don't have any sense at all as you apparently do that this is anything close to a "real" person, much less one that has any meaningful feelings at all.

However, in the spirit of making this thread immortal, I think we should all send her our house keys and detailed directions to our homes and put up big colorful banners in our foyers reading "HEY THERE'S FROZEN BURRITOS IF YOU WANT!" Then in our profiles we can all include a touching story about how un owen touched each of our lives, our burritos, and our valuables.
posted by Skot at 9:49 PM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Oh, I've glanced at the pile, yes.

I have no proof that ANY of you all are real. Except for Nicky, who I have talked to. I'd rather just think the best and let the rest go.
posted by konolia at 9:56 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't know and I frankly do not care who was right and who was wrong four years ago. I know that I certainly am not the same person who was banned back in 2002, and altho I am not universally beloved I still feel I have a place here. How's about we give her a chance to do likewise?

Hmmm. No.

I swear, if there's one person here that would still fall for her manipulative bullshit after all this, it figures it'd be you.
posted by puke & cry at 10:00 PM on March 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

Frankly, konolia, I think Brand New Day only goes so far, and I think U.N. Owen is well past that point. As far as I am concerned, she is persona non grata. This is not my decision, obviously, but I think there's a point where someone has disrespected a community enough that they are best shoved out the door for good.

You say, well, maybe she's changed. And you know? You're right, and you are indeed an excellent example of that.

I lurked here for many, many years before I actually signed up, and I remember your previous incarnation. I think that banning was right, and I wasn't happy when I realized, eventually, just who "konolia" was. I thought and think that letting you back was a bad call based on the info at the time, and was far more likely to lead to further bad than not. Now, let me be clear: That hasn't happened in my opinion. If you even notice me, as I am still very much a lurker, you'll notice I am FAR from a fan of yours, but I am the first to agree that yes, you have a place here, and I'm glad you're here... most of the time ;-)

But that's hardly the most likely scenario. We don't consciously "Brand New Day" spammers, scammers, self-linkers, blatant and intentional trolls, etc., and for good reason. 99% of the time, they'll do nothing more than commit the same offenses they once did. ESPECIALLY if they are surreptitiously sneaking around a ban, knowing full well they're violating several written and unwritten site rules in the process, making it extremely clear where they feel about respecting the site.

I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure "konolia" never did that, and the mods (mod singular at that point?) knew who she is, and who she WAS.

U.N. Owen had her chance, and she took advantage of us. And when asked to leave? She just snuck on as another user and kept up her little masturbatory fabulist nonsense.

I appreciate where you come from, Konolia, but the U.N. Owen situation is not the bf situation.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:04 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

it's really pretty easy to get one's internet rep trashed whether or not it's deserved

That's an interesting point, though not one that I agree with. I've said many times that "he/she deserved it" isn't cause for crappy behavior towards people. On the other hand, I'm not inclined to extend any special courtesy to someone who seems to act with disregard for the guidelines and norms of the site. The $20 thing was a joke, I kissed that money goodbye a long time ago. However, if u.n. owen was sincere about saying she'd pay folks back eventually, then perhaps she should.

We give people second and third chances for all sorts of things but many of them involve drunkenness, major life changes, unusual crabbiness or something that was out of control that was now in control. Most of the time it involves an apology or a "gee that was messed up, sorry about that" which makes forgiveness a whole lot easier.

I'm willing to go a long way credulousness-wise for people who seem to be making an effort, who contribute as much or more than they take from the site, and who don't just seem to exist to stir shit up. Major drama members are exhausting from a moderator perspective and I guess I wind up asking "what's the upside?" in this instance. Doesn't mean people should be total dicks about it, but doesn't mean I'm going to bend over backwards to smooth everything over either.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:04 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

I have no proof that ANY of you all are real.

Please stop this. Yes you do. Many of us are real people with trackable online and offline lives, addresses, contact information, photos, friends and lovers, and consistent personalities. This sort of hyperbole doesn't help anyone straighten any of this out.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:07 PM on March 11, 2008 [15 favorites]

I have no proof that ANY of you all are real.

Yes you do

Well, actually that particular comment was a bit facetious....sorry.
posted by konolia at 10:15 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm starting to get the urge to construct a fictional web persona in order to give everyone a the thrill of a MeFi bloodhound chase AND get a long, detailed, link-rich MeFi Wiki page. Of course... I might have been doing that all along. Suckers.
posted by orange swan at 10:15 PM on March 11, 2008

Let me make one more comment before I bow out and get some shuteye-in the ministry I am training in I see person after person after person with totally frakked up convoluted personal lives so when I see folks post similar things here I assume they are telling the truth-or at least that it isn't stretching things that what they are saying CAN easily BE true. And if I err I would rather err on the side of belief rather than disbelief (Unless money or safety is involved and then I do tend to try to behave with due diligence.)
posted by konolia at 10:19 PM on March 11, 2008

treat her like YOU would like to be treated, folks.

This kind of works two ways. If I'd been banned from a community for scamming money from its members, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have the gall to try and force them to accept me against their will by actually living and posting among them all that time, just as though nothing had happened. Partly because I'd be too ashamed of myself, partly because I'd be pretty damn sure that nobody would want anything to do with me.

Why anyone would actually *want* to be part of a community that regards them as a pariah, I've no idea, but it seems pretty peculiar to me. However, this I will say: secretly posting from someone else's account for four years, when you know that you've been banned doesn't actually strike me as someone that's keen to turn over a new leaf. Rather, it strikes me as the same old manipulative, over-entitled bullshit that got her into trouble in the first place.

Treat her like I'd like to be treated? Personally, if I behaved that way, I'd want people to shun me. For my own good. To give me the opportunity to start afresh with a community where I wasn't notorious for my dishonesty.

Your mileage may vary.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:20 PM on March 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Forgiveness cannot be granted without contrition.
posted by Tenuki at 10:43 PM on March 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

We give people second and third chances for all sorts of things but many of them involve drunkenness

Awesome because I'm drunk right now and this thread is hilarious. I think I deserve a second chance though.
posted by ludwig_van at 10:45 PM on March 11, 2008

Er, we're not talking about throwing u.n. owen to the lions here. If she gets banned from MeFi I'm sure she can find some other place to hang out online. Or sneak back in... I so do not envy the mods here. So I'd support a decision to ban her. It's of little consequence to her and "addition by subtraction" for us. I like that we can bear and forebear with people struggling with addiction and mental health problems who sometimes don't behave well. But tolerating someone who habitually lies and scams us? No way.
posted by orange swan at 10:53 PM on March 11, 2008

cortex we've been steadily building up our toolset for detecting fishy inter-account hijinks.

All is known to mathowie and to him we must entrust the protection of our identities.
posted by James I at 10:55 PM on March 11, 2008

U,N.Owen/Innocentbystander is a real person, with feelings. Apparently she managed to piss off a bunch of you four years ago.

Well, I won't presume to speak for anyone else, but as a robotic super-ape, I say to hell with these real people and their carbon-based feelings.

treat her like YOU would like to be treated, folks.

I'd like to be treated like I'd learned my lesson, which was mostly to not embellish anecdotal doilies into lace afghans while the, I dunno, some kinda metaphorical cat what eats embroidery or something, is around.

The metaphoric cat being the detective squad here, obviously.

Anyway, away from the rhetorical torture, I was talking with another member about how prevarication and drama can take over someone's life. And I mean, yeah, doing a brief perusal of some of the anecdotes I've shared here, you'll be able to find inconsistencies, either intentional or accidental. Blame marijuana, fluid memory and an occasional shade of the truth to keep from disclosing a confidence or the source thereof.

But I remember embellishing quasi-intentionally, especially in high school. It's one of those things that gets away from you, retelling a story where something shifts from "wouldn't it have been cool if" to it happening, or something that gets blurted out, a misperception that's wrong in hindsight but more interesting than the truth. It sucks to have to correct those, to say to friends, "No, that's not actually what happened." It's even worse with some of my old buddies, because their takes on things that happened to me are now spun off into their memories as cinematic adventures, and correcting them makes their faces sink. But it's worth doing, I think. I mean, that way I don't have to feel guilty or weird, and I like to tell myself that it makes me appreciate the potential for interesting things in real life more.

And, if I might (at the bottom of a weird, long MeTa that I hope no one ever reads) humiliate myself a little bit here, I had an internet "relationship" with some girl who called herself "LA" (real name: "Lauren") who was on a Stabbing Westward AOL message board while I was in high school. We used to chat and do the weird long-distance relationship thing, except we'd never met and most of it was me being enthralled by her stories of overcoming childhood abuse and her drug addictions and how damn dirty she could be in a way that my high school brain found really compelling (I like to think that I wouldn't now, but that's arguably because I got burned). The weirdest detail that sticks out for me now is that she claimed to be on the television show "All That" on Nickelodeon, something that I suppose I could have checked out a bit more than I did.

Anyway, she was always at the center of some drama or another, and it all unraveled when she "cheated" on me with some other guy from the message board. Which is when it came out that she was, like, 14 and a liar (which made the naked pictures suddenly really creepy, even to my 18-year-old brain). Man, was I a fucking chump.

But she never came clean publicly. It was all these IMs and different stories to different people and it basically destroyed this community of about 20 people (hard as it is to imagine 20 people who cared about Stabbing Westward enough to be on a message board about them).

That's what all feels hinky about this—the lack of that moment where everything's out and public knowledge about what's going on and what different people know and, I guess, just the public acknowledgment of lying and taking the lumps that come with it. I mean, sure, Jeanette may have felt terrible about the things that people said about her here, and she may have been depressed for a long time afterwards, but that's still not the sort of Truth Commission that lets people feel like they can have unguarded moments around her again.

I dunno. Maybe it's just me.

But I'm having trouble treating her like I'd like to be treated.
posted by klangklangston at 11:08 PM on March 11, 2008 [14 favorites]

But I'm having trouble treating her like I'd like to be treated.

This is a problematic concept anyway. Hell, I'd like you all to chip in for a retirement/house on the Riviera fund for me.
posted by orange swan at 11:15 PM on March 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well said, klangklangston.
posted by tkolar at 11:18 PM on March 11, 2008

I'm 100% cool with treating her as I'd like to be treated. When I do something bad or stupid, please don't encourage or enable me; don't flatter me with attention for bad behavior; don't ever let me wallow in a muck of egocentric mania - and if I do, please don't ever get in there and roll around with me. If I try to take advantage of you, please kick me in the ass hard.
posted by taz at 11:39 PM on March 11, 2008 [16 favorites]

Yah, whatever the merits of the current case ... most people treat themselves like crap. The aphorism should probably be "treat others as you probably should like to be treated, but don't because you're a masochist."
posted by tkolar at 11:49 PM on March 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

I think to not embellish anecdotal doilies into lace afghans

Yeah, I'm not a "teen dominatrix with a yen for Brits" anymore, though the handle never changed. Man, those mid nineties were great for teen libertines.

konolia, most mefites, in my experience, are HELL of real. Like will-give-you-a-backrub and buy you a martini real.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:49 PM on March 11, 2008

I'm 100% cool with treating her as I'd like to be treated. When I do something bad or stupid, please don't encourage or enable me; don't flatter me with attention for bad behavior; don't ever let me wallow in a muck of egocentric mania - and if I do, please don't ever get in there and roll around with me. If I try to take advantage of you, please kick me in the ass hard.

Jebus fucking Christ on a stick, why the hell is this suddenly all about you?

*kicks taz hard for being such an egocentrist*

*then buys her a martini & gives her a backrub; in that order*
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:05 AM on March 12, 2008

(but that's just because i'm a masochist who wants to be kicked back, before getting in there and rolling around with her)
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:07 AM on March 12, 2008

UbuRoivas, martini and a backrub?

I was very interested.
/me then sees masochist comment and wishes luck to anyone who dares to try to mess around with Taz.
Taz is a badass in the nicest way.
posted by lilywing13 at 12:22 AM on March 12, 2008

badass in the nicest way sounds good!
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:25 AM on March 12, 2008

mmm... ass-punts, backrubs and early-morning martinis on the metatalk... *sings*

you-uuuuu make me feel so reeeeaaaaal
posted by taz at 12:32 AM on March 12, 2008

When the masochist says "hurt me" the true sadist says "no."
posted by Joseph Gurl at 12:49 AM on March 12, 2008 [9 favorites]

Hi. I'm here for the backrub I saw advertised?
posted by loiseau at 2:22 AM on March 12, 2008

WE CAN HAS BACKRUBS?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:47 AM on March 12, 2008

BACKRUBS ALL ROUND!

AND MARTINIS!
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:08 AM on March 12, 2008

Can you do my neck as well? It's got rather stiff sitting here and reading all this. And does anyone want the olive from my martini? Horrible things.
posted by MrMustard at 3:36 AM on March 12, 2008

As inappropriate as it is to compare nickyskye to unowen, I'm extremely glad that the projects page was posted here. I don't really go over to projects, so I'd have never seen it otherwise.
posted by Stewriffic at 4:01 AM on March 12, 2008

Wow. The thread that just keeps on giving.
posted by arha at 4:10 AM on March 12, 2008

But I think she deserves a chance to redeem herself. If it takes a fresh user name, whatever.

In addition to the other very cogent things that have been said about un owen's distinct lack of remorse or apology in this thread, I think it's worth pointing out that she did have a second chance, a chance to redeem herself. She has been posting here under a name that no one (very few) knew was her. While she didn't ask any of us for money, as far as I know, she did post excessively dramatic threads about her tragedy and trauma, which she moderated. There's no evidence that she's changed at all, she's even still trying to sell her books.

Now, I don't think that un owen set out (as in joined the site) to defraud MetaFilter before, I think it naturally developed out of the drama that she spun and the response to that drama. So far, with the InnocentBystander account (fabulous name, btw, under the circumstances), we have all of the same drama. That we don't yet have a scam doesn't indicate that un owen has changed. In fact, that we have the drama indicates that she hasn't.
posted by OmieWise at 4:40 AM on March 12, 2008

If you send money to an internet beggar, just like a beggar on the street, you shouldn't ever think you'll get it back. If you do, then you're a two-fold sucker.
posted by Dave Faris at 5:01 AM on March 12, 2008

don't ever let me wallow in a muck of egocentric mania - and if I do, please don't ever get in there and roll around with me

Metatalk: egocentric muck wrestling displays. Entry: $5, same as in town.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:30 AM on March 12, 2008

I hereby award this thread The Spool.
posted by iconomy at 6:18 AM on March 12, 2008 [5 favorites]

If we can't trust strangers on the internet, who can we trust?
posted by drezdn at 6:38 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

If we can't trust strangers on the internet, who can we trust?

Our governors.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:40 AM on March 12, 2008

There's two big thoughts I have about the whole thing. If the result of the first shunning depressed u.n. owen so much, why did she come back?

Secondly, if she had contacted the mods and said "hey, it's me, I fucked up in the past but I'd like a fresh start," and they knew and let her have a new account, while it wouldn't have made everyone happy, I would have understood the mods' decision. They could have kept an eye out for shit-stirring and future trouble. Instead, she "rejoined" in an underhanded way.
posted by drezdn at 6:42 AM on March 12, 2008

Finally, I wouldn't be surprised if she had other accounts here.
posted by drezdn at 6:48 AM on March 12, 2008

Well, actually that particular comment was a bit facetious....sorry.

Well, konolia, if you want to be taken seriously, maybe you shouldn't be facetious.
posted by languagehat at 6:53 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

treat her like YOU would like to be treated, folks.

To respond to this request in the context in which it may arise: I don't think the Golden Rule should ever be used as a blanket policy for aiding people in people avoiding personal accountability. It's possible to treat someone the way you'd like to be treated if you had duped, defrauded and abused the trust of a community - in other words, firmly and calmly but with no acceptance of their actions and with careful consideration of whether their continued participation is an acceptable outcome. Forgiveness is not the same thing as preventing appropriate consequences.

Even the Golden Rule's most famous proponent indicates that feeling bad about what you did isn't the grounds for forgiveness, nor is it permission to keep running the same scams or indulging in the same bad behavior. un owen was told "Go, and sin no more [at least to us here]," and apparently ignored the request by setting up another identity. It is possible to forgive a person, yet at the same time deplore and reject her actions.

I have a really hard time with the idea that this user fradulently took money from MeFites and has, apparently, used it to make her life better (as the litany of recent successes shows). It seems to me that a fair stipulation on any use of the account she has now would be to begin a plan of making restitution to the people who generously gave to what they thought was an important cause. That would go a long way to restoring some of the trust people generally feel in the community, which could make things a lot better in future for all of us who could at any moment find ourselves in a true crisis and wsh to seek support, financial and otherwise, from relationships built here. Trust is high on MetaFilter. Creating a payment schedule, posting it, and beginning to refund the donations user by user would go a long way toward convincing me of a good-faith effort to change, and a long way toward improving the community's sense of mutual trust and willingness to give to worthy causes.
posted by Miko at 7:05 AM on March 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

Oops, meant to link the "Go, and sin no more" story
posted by Miko at 7:06 AM on March 12, 2008

konolia said: "I think she deserves a chance to redeem herself.... Remember, it's really pretty easy to get one's internet rep trashed whether or not it's deserved...treat her like YOU would like to be treated, folks. ...in the ministry I am training in... if I err I would rather err on the side of belief rather than disbelief (Unless money or safety is involved and then I do tend to try to behave with due diligence.)"

One, I think we can safely say that money is in fact involved here, so there's that.

Two, no, in fact it's not that easy to get one's internet rep trashed whether or not it's deserved. Thousands, millions? of people interact with others on the internet every single day and do not manage to create one-tenth the level of ire and outrage that this person did. She really had to work for it. It's disingenuous to try and minimize her inflammatory history at this and other sites by implying that it happens all the time and that she didn't really deserve it.

Three: with all respect due, konolia, your position is clearly one of a person of a certain level and flavor of religious faith. In that case, the Golden Rule and granting the benefit of the doubt, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that a person hasn't changed or still intends to do bad things or what-have-you, are surely the best courses of action... for you. Or someone who prescribes to your brand of religion.

But while it might be what works for you, it's not going to work for everyone, because we don't all operate on the same belief system. Explaining that this is what you have chosen to do and why is one thing, but you're not going to catch many flies here by suggesting that All Good People would forgive and forget and let bygones be bygones.

Lastly, as drezdn basically just pointed out, this person has always had the Brand New Day option. Always. Anyone can rejoin MeFi under a new name, and even a new IP if they want to go far. All they have to do is get here and act right. That IB/UN hasn't been willing or able to do so says more about her than it does about MetaFilter.

Postscript: my gut tells me that the age thing is a lie. I don't believe she was 20 then or is 24 now. I haven't combed the histories, mostly because most of the sites where she was active are offensive to me, usually from a design perspective, so I can't be arsed. But as far as I can tell, we don't know anything to be legitimate or factual about this person, and therefore clinging to the plank of "well, she was so young and stupid then, people can mature" seems irrational to me. (Though, if anyone can demonstrate a place where her age was "proved" to some sort of standard that holds up to common sense, I'll retract.)

Post-post-script: This is totally a Historical Thread, Best of MetaTalk. We start by trying to suss out sansgras, who doesn't pass the sniff test because of the previous antics of posters like u.n. owen and internet scammers like Kaycee Nicole... and then, as if summoned like Beatlejuice, it is revealed that "u.n. owen" has been posing as another user and has been secretly walking amongst us for years.

Most importantly: it is a microcosmic proof, to me, that even though I have grown "too old for this shit" in my decade online, and despite my belief that I have carefully selected internet spaces to spend time where Teh DRaMa!!!¡¡ doesn't live... that it will always live, no matter the space, because there will always be people who cannot resist the siren song of trying to be important or win cred among a bunch of faceless strangers by lying and asking for attention. Not even MetaFilter is safe.

So there's my afterschool-special-style Moral Takeaway.
posted by pineapple at 7:20 AM on March 12, 2008 [14 favorites]

So who all is going to the wrap party?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:30 AM on March 12, 2008

Excellent comment, pineapple. Wow.
posted by orange swan at 7:34 AM on March 12, 2008

Oooh! Pick me!

Excellent comment, pineapple. I hope if IB is following this thread zealously as many of us believe she is, she'll get the point that actions, not time, heal all wounds.
posted by Phire at 7:34 AM on March 12, 2008

Being laid up with flu for a few days has me following this more closely than regular day to day activities would allow, so after reading IB's recent posting history, I got to say, ick.
Is she a phone sex worker? Did a "client" buy her a new sex toy?

I would like to think that people here are trying to communicate something, to connect with others, and also make me laugh. (I gotta say that whole nazi frogmen thing, pure genius)
I don't like too many postings thrown in just for the sake of someone's personal drama.

Now imagine I have a world-weary voice (post flu Suzanne Pleshette-esque voice, in fact), and I say, yes I have done things that I am not proud of, have had to reavaluate things, make changes, apologize. So I have some sympathy for someone going through it - but I'm just not feeling it in this case.
posted by readery at 7:41 AM on March 12, 2008

"HEY THERE'S FROZEN BURRITOS IF YOU WANT!" Then in our profiles we can all include a touching story about how un owen touched each of our lives, our burritos, and our valuables

i have Skot's burrito. in my pants.
posted by quonsar at 7:46 AM on March 12, 2008

summoned like Beatlejuice

dhoyt, dhoyt, dhoyt!!!!
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:46 AM on March 12, 2008

Amen taz. Stupid should hurt, my own stupidity even more so.
posted by Skorgu at 7:54 AM on March 12, 2008

This thread has everything: epic highs! Wallow-in-filth lows! A denouement or two, and of course, the opportunity to help Nickyskye, whose struggles I myself relate to (having had a baby sister with thyroid cancer at 19, girl, you have my sympathy and soon to be some money/gifts).

I dub thee, legendary thread.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:18 AM on March 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

Sockpuppetry and identity shenanigans really are a scourge on Metafilter, and the sooner we crack the nut and come up with a way to prevent it, we will replay this passion play every few months. But, judging by the glee some of you show for this sort of stuff, I expect that solving the problem will have social impediments, too.
posted by Dave Faris at 8:33 AM on March 12, 2008

I'm always amazed how visceral the reaction to konolia entering a thread can be here.

konolia: I like beets.

fifty commenters: Well, YOU WOULD SAY THAT WOULDN'T YOU YOU FILTHY RELIGIOUS TYPE! YOUR SAVIOR WAS A HAMSTER AND HIS MOTHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!

konolia: I'm just saying that beets are delicious and I'm happy Jesus made them.

fifty commenters: BEETS ARE EEVL YOU BIGOT

konolia: Well, I stand behind that comment because it's in the Bible.

miko: Let me interject here a thoughtful, decent-and-in-order comment rebuking konolia for suggesting that beets are even in the Bible, because they're not, and anyway, while I appreciate that you like beets, you can't assume the rest of the world does. [134 favorites +]

fifty commenters: YEAH YOU SHOW HER BEETS IS EEVL LET'S KICK HER OUT FOR LIKING BEETS AND BEING A BIGOT BUT MAINLY FOR LIKING BEETS

jessamyn: Look, folks, been there, done that, can we all move on?

fifty commenters: AAAAAH NO FAIR

cortex: Honestly guys. Chill and have a delicious beet-flavored doughnut.

fifty commenters: MMM YOU KNOW BEETS REALLY ARE DELICIOUS! CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!

konolia: And they're the color of Jesus' blood that he shed on the cross.

fifty commenters: YEARRRRRGHH!!!!!
posted by dw at 8:34 AM on March 12, 2008 [66 favorites]

This thread has everything: epic highs! Wallow-in-filth lows! A denouement or two, and of course, the opportunity to help Nickyskye

It even already has that graphic you linked to.
posted by OmieWise at 8:35 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

dw said: "I'm always amazed how visceral the reaction to konolia entering a thread can be here."

I wouldn't say this one has been visceral... nor would I say that it's merely entering a thread that causes the reaction. Seems to be the entering a thread and prescribing or proscribing behavior based on her personal religious beliefs, which ends up generating all the response.

Still, funny summary though.
posted by pineapple at 8:49 AM on March 12, 2008

Let me interject here a thoughtful, decent-and-in-order comment

Man, one day I need to just go apeshit. No telling when.
posted by Miko at 8:51 AM on March 12, 2008 [25 favorites]

the sooner we crack the nut and come up with a way to prevent it, we will replay this passion play every few months.

We know who most of the sock puppets are (we think) and most of the time the problems stem from something else that just has sock puppetry as a side issue. With sansgras, for example, the issue isn't sock puppetry but general community distrust. With the u.n. owen thing, the problem has more to do with intentional deception and misuse of community resources. We have a policy on sock puppetry that works well most of the time. We also allow users to be pretty anonymous. I think the anonymity issue is generally more the problem than sock puppetry, though I don't think it's enough of a scourge that it needs to change the way we do things here. Seriously, do you have a suggestion along these lines?

Many of the big freakouts in Meta over the last maybe six months have had nothing to do with sock puppetry or identity stuff at all.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:51 AM on March 12, 2008

Seems to be the entering a thread and prescribing or proscribing behavior based on her personal religious beliefs

She did not say, I feel this way because of my personal religious belief. She simply gave her opinion on the subject of this thread. Nothing she said was off-topic, it was the responses that brought in all the other baggage. Some of you really need to let go.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:53 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: I need to just go apeshit.
posted by Skot at 8:55 AM on March 12, 2008

Seems to be the entering a thread and prescribing or proscribing behavior based on her personal religious beliefs, which ends up generating all the response.

but of course, if she entered a thread prescribing or proscribing behavior based on a personal preference for lesbian sado-masochistic scatology, the response would be overwhelmingly favorable.

i like beets.
posted by quonsar at 8:59 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

She simply gave her opinion on the subject of this thread. Nothing she said was off-topic, it was the responses that brought in all the other baggage.

While I agree that there was nothing overtly religious about her comments, her tone was one of righteous reasonableness, but she was being entirely unreasonable in her interpretation of u.n. owen's actions here. The kind of misreading she made is strange, unless one reasonably attributes to konolia a desire to express her personal morals and convictions through her stance re. u.n. owen, in which case it makes much more sense.
posted by OmieWise at 9:01 AM on March 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

We know who most of the sock puppets are

Not if we have a double agent feeding you bad ~~doughnuts~~ info.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:10 AM on March 12, 2008

Beets suck.

Turnips rule.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:15 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Few expected during that initial discussion that the Great Beet Wars of 2010 would leave over 1.6 billion dead and over a third of the world's land mass uninhabitable by either beet or man...
posted by Krrrlson at 9:16 AM on March 12, 2008 [4 favorites]

That's not the only comment I'm talking about.

She did not say, I feel this way because of my personal religious belief. She simply gave her opinion on the subject of this thread. Nothing she said was off-topic, it was the responses that brought in all the other baggage. Some of you really need to let go.

Nor did I say that's what she did here, if you'll review my comment responding to dw. Although I don't agree that "you people amaze me," which smacks of pious judgment, is "simply giving her opinion."

Nor did I ever imply that she was off-topic -- although, it doesn't take much of a leap to suggest that if one wants to say "in my ministry we do things like this so at MetaFilter I act like this," it is basically stating "I feel/behave this way because of my personal religious belief."

dw appeared to be speaking in general, and I responded in general; I stand by my comment that "the entering a thread and prescribing or proscribing behavior based on [konolia's] personal religious beliefs [is what] ends up generating all the response." In general. Wish and hope for it to be so but this particular thread doesn't exist in a vacuum.

konolia clearly loves to reference her faith and belief; fair play to her, etc. etc. What I don't get is the perspective that reads to me as "...and no one can have an opinion or feeling about her tendency to do that." I'd also argue that if one is a person who wants to flaunt one's ministry at MetaFilter even despite a long and colorful posting history filled with people not appreciating your style of religious proselytizing, actually that's how the baggage gets brought into the thread.
posted by pineapple at 9:20 AM on March 12, 2008

fifty commenters: YEARRRRRGHH!!!!!

Questions of accuracy aside, I have to admit that I'm always pretty entertained by thread recaps.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:23 AM on March 12, 2008

Nothing she said was off-topic

So? It's not immune from criticism either, which you seem to be suggesting everything she says should be. Just because konolia has been unfairly vilified for her religion does not make her a MetaFilter Saint whose every word should be accepted in grateful silence. She has a right to state her opinion that we should all give u.n.owen a break, and we have a right to state our opinion that she's full of shit (for reasons entirely unrelated to her religious beliefs).
posted by languagehat at 9:30 AM on March 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

Seriously, do you have a suggestion along these lines?

Seriously, he just likes being a grump.
posted by languagehat at 9:30 AM on March 12, 2008

a little religious proselytizing provides a nice balance in the midst of a tsunami of secular proselytizing.
posted by quonsar at 9:31 AM on March 12, 2008

I'd like my religious proselytizing to come with a side of pickled beets, please.

mmmmm.....beeeeeeeeets.
posted by rtha at 9:34 AM on March 12, 2008

When life hands you beets, you make borscht.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:35 AM on March 12, 2008

do you have a suggestion along these lines?

No. Like I said, it's a nut that needs cracking, but you would know better than I that there's no foolproof method of preventing it. UN Owen, for example, would have skirted a rule about one u.i.d, one paypal account. And tracking IPs is only but so practical these days with mobile computing. I'm at as much of a loss as to how to deal with it as you are. I guess I would start by banning all the sockpuppets you know about, since no one has come up with a reasonable use for them besides the rare askme that is too embarrassing even for an anonymous submission. But I also realize I'm an extremist about the issue.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:54 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

While I agree that there was nothing overtly religious about her comments, her tone was one of righteous reasonableness but she was being entirely unreasonable in her interpretation of u.n. owen's actions here.
I think that's overstating it- I've read the comment several times (that's the one we're talking about, right?) and it reads as a reasonable opinion on the subject to me, though one easy to disagree with.

Yeah, I'm going to have to say that as a person with no konolia/bunnyfire related baggage, her comment doesn't seem to be much more than a reasonable call for compassion and the suggestion that four years might have changed something in a person.

Except the first line.

The first line ("You people amaze me.") is pretty much a personal attack on the posters to this thread.

I believe I can reasonably expand the statement to: "The opinions that are being expressed in this thread are so far out of line with my expectations that I am amazed. Furthermore, I am not just amazed by the opinions expressed, but by the very nature of the people who could express those opinions." This is the kind of stuff that gets people in a huff.

I'm guessing that what konolia meant was "Some of the opinions being expressed here amaze me." That's nice and specific, doesn't lump every poster in the thread into the same bucket, and keeps the focus on the opinions instead of the people. But the very fact that I read it that way is why konolia's "tone" has never particularly bothered me.

And in truth, I suspect the fact that other readers can't get past konolia's tone has a lot more to do with their personal history with her than any real outrage at the way she expresses herself. I suspect that even if she were to be more specific and less personal there would still be a certain percentage of people here calling her out on everything she wrote.
posted by tkolar at 9:56 AM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

And thanks for that dismissive interjection, Languagehat. It's comments like that that make metafilter so great.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:57 AM on March 12, 2008

How much more human suffering will it take until we realize that only a professional-looking white background to this website will make these problems go away.
posted by chinston at 10:02 AM on March 12, 2008 [3 favorites]

And does anyone want the olive from my martini? Horrible things.

Try a Gibson.

And can I just say that it was a MeFite who brought me around to beets? I'd always hated the damned things, from years of vile holiday dinners where they were served, but Mandyman roasted 'em with a little olive oil and some herbs and they were amazingly delicious.

So I guess Mandyman shouldn't be banned.
posted by klangklangston at 10:02 AM on March 12, 2008

I guess I would start by banning all the sockpuppets you know about, since no one has come up with a reasonable use for them

Have you not met Kettle or Pot? I'm always happy to see them make an appearance.
posted by quin at 10:07 AM on March 12, 2008

I suspect the fact that other readers can't get past konolia's tone has a lot more to do with their personal history with her than any real outrage at the way she expresses herself. I suspect that even if she were to be more specific and less personal there would still be a certain percentage of people here calling her out on everything she wrote.

While this wasn't directed specifically to me, I would like to address it in the terms of the parts of my comments that were directed at konolia.

I wasn't around for bunnyfire. What I know about all of it is from a historical perspective is the stuff that gets referenced ex post facto, like in this MeTa.

What I didn't like about her tone was the suggestion that she knows best for us all. In several places, in this comment, we are outright told how to act, presumably because she has inside information and has a better handle on what is the right way to behave with compassion.

That's not offensive to me because konolia's religious, but because I think it's rude to suggest that any one person knows what's best for all of MeFi. It's even more irritating when it's coming from someone who has been discouraged in the past from posting comments where she declares herself right and true no matter what.

I tried to be very gentle in my "we don't all feel the way that you do" response to her, and maybe my mistake was in framing that within a "your perspective is probably informed by your religion" note. But I do not see what I wrote at all as outrage, my personal baggage with her, or me calling her out unreasonably. I realize others might not see what I see, though.

But it's fairly important to me to point out that I don't care if she worships a god made of beets and guano, and celebrates annually at the Guano Beet God Festival and wants to share her juicy, guano-y testimony with you. I just don't like being finger-wagged and scolded, as if we're all kindergarteners who can't play nice.
posted by pineapple at 10:17 AM on March 12, 2008 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: Wants to share her juicy, guano-y testimony with you.
posted by Mister_A at 10:27 AM on March 12, 2008

Also, is there any sort of guano that is not of batly origin? Weirdos want to know.
posted by Mister_A at 10:28 AM on March 12, 2008

I just don't like being finger-wagged and scolded, as if we're all kindergarteners who can't play nice.

awwwww! mommy will hug and make it all better.
posted by quonsar at 10:34 AM on March 12, 2008

There's a soy-based substitute you can get called "Guan-Nope". They sell it a Whole Foods. It's not bad, but 1:1 replacement in recipes hasn't worked out great for me so far.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:34 AM on March 12, 2008 [7 favorites]

Encyclopedia Britannica says that seabirds and seals also make it.
posted by Dave Faris at 10:36 AM on March 12, 2008

Man, this thread just keeps on giving...
posted by goo at 10:39 AM on March 12, 2008

Guano (from the Quechua 'wanu', via Spanish) is the droppings of seabirds, bats, and seals.
posted by Partial Law at 10:45 AM on March 12, 2008

Boobys and Cormorants
posted by adamvasco at 10:46 AM on March 12, 2008

*doffs hat* to Partial Law.
posted by adamvasco at 10:48 AM on March 12, 2008

And thanks for that dismissive interjection, Languagehat.

Not dismissive, just descriptive. You clearly do enjoy being a grump, otherwise you wouldn't do it so constantly.

It's comments like that that make metafilter so great.

Read up on glass houses sometime.
posted by languagehat at 11:19 AM on March 12, 2008

if she entered a thread prescribing or proscribing behavior based on a personal preference for lesbian sado-masochistic scatology

I wouldn't be offended by two konolias, one cup.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:23 AM on March 12, 2008

precisely my point.
posted by quonsar at 11:59 AM on March 12, 2008

Not dismissive, just descriptive. You clearly do enjoy being a grump, otherwise you wouldn't do it so constantly.

So, site your sources, mister. Look at my posting history. Demonstrate "constantly."
posted by Dave Faris at 12:05 PM on March 12, 2008

So, site your sources, mister. Look at my posting history.

Exactly so. Your posting history is the site of his sources.

And yeah, you do the drive by grump thing a lot.
posted by tkolar at 12:06 PM on March 12, 2008

Hey Dave! Thanks for the great guano 411. Also thanks to the rest of ye. It's too bad that this thread will never reach the arbitrary milestone of 600 comments, though.
posted by Mister_A at 12:35 PM on March 12, 2008

Is that because you're a quitter, Mister_A?
posted by pineapple at 12:41 PM on March 12, 2008

(Can't believe that worked. I never get the milestone-comment-number.)
posted by pineapple at 12:41 PM on March 12, 2008

Woot woot woot! 600 comments!! Pineapple, you've won an array of harp seal, vampire bat, seagull, and booby guano!
posted by Mister_A at 12:47 PM on March 12, 2008

Thank y'all, thank you so much! I personally believe, that U.S. Americans, are unable to do so, because uh, some, people out there, in our nation don’t have maps... and uh… I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa, and the Iraq, everywhere like such as… and, I believe they should uh, our education over here, in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future. For us.
posted by pineapple at 1:05 PM on March 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

Oh, and pineapple?

I HATE beets.
posted by konolia at 1:17 PM on March 12, 2008

Oh, there you go, making value judgments and oppressing everyone with them. You beetamentalists just want to come in our kitchens and tell us what vegetables we can and can't eat.
posted by dw at 1:28 PM on March 12, 2008

And I bet YOU are a cilantro eater! Heathen.
posted by konolia at 1:32 PM on March 12, 2008

You people amaze me.

True, people do strange things. Like complaining about the community and leaving in a huff only to return a week later.
posted by Dennis Murphy at 1:34 PM on March 12, 2008

*Looks forlornly at beet and bean terrine with cilantro, weeps.*
posted by Mister_A at 1:37 PM on March 12, 2008

This thread will only be complete when someone leaves in a big huff. Who will it be?
posted by cior at 1:41 PM on March 12, 2008

I hate people who diss cilantro. I don't know why everyone hates it. All you people who think it tastes like soap are genetically defect. Cilantroooooooooooo!

(was that huffy enough? I can pretend to leave.)
posted by Phire at 1:43 PM on March 12, 2008

Screw you guys, I'm outta here!
posted by grouse at 1:44 PM on March 12, 2008

OK, I'm back.
posted by grouse at 1:44 PM on March 12, 2008

The gas mileage on the huff was terrible. These days I leave in a Snit.
posted by Miko at 1:46 PM on March 12, 2008 [16 favorites]

*Looks forlornly at beet and bean terrine with cilantro, weeps.*

Um, you gonna eat that? I'll swap you this plate of beans.
posted by rtha at 1:46 PM on March 12, 2008

The highlight of this thread for me? Learning of Klangklangston's Stabbing Westward fandom.*

*I'll cop to liking their "hits."
posted by drezdn at 1:46 PM on March 12, 2008

I could give a fig about cilantro preferences, but I'm pretty fucking tired of all this anti-soap rhetoric. If you don't like it, don't eat it, but some of us like a little hygeine with our food. Meddling jerk-ass [SOAPIST]s.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:54 PM on March 12, 2008

Some of my perceived finger-wagging tone probably comes from the fact I raised three children to adulthood and am a grandma to boot. So, the finger, sometimes it wags automatically. It's a mom thing, people.

It's funny. My mom doesn't go on the internet and constantly tell people how outraged she is and how ashamed of themselves they should be. Are you sure it's not a you thing? Because I'm pretty sure it's a you thing. Have you given any serious thought to NOT doing it? Because it really doesn't seem like it.

Carry on.

The entire time I was reading your comment I kept thinking "oh! konolia's going to apologize for her judgemental tone! what a relief! and then you didn't, which is also relieving in its own way since I don't like surprises.
posted by shmegegge at 1:54 PM on March 12, 2008 [5 favorites]

I thought people were being a bit too rough and mean in regarts to UN Owen. Why should I apologize for that opinion? It might be a wrong opinion, but it's mine, and I'm rather fond of it.
posted by konolia at 2:14 PM on March 12, 2008

You know, I really have to agree with the point that, while konolia's phrasing was a bit "I have all the answers, kids", it surely got made into a much bigger thing than it would have been had it been posted by someone else.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 2:16 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hitler's moustache! This has been an action-packed couple of episodes for Metatalk. What starts out as a creepy voyage into the world of pro-ana ends up unmasking the secret identity of a longtime Metafilter contributor! She would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids. And not only that, but in another recent episode, we discover that airntz has been making the calls from inside the house in the form of princeofpersiatz! (Seriously, I had just done a google search for airntz the other day to find out if any closure had ever happened there.)

I picked the right day to start sniffing glue, that's for sure.
posted by UKnowForKids at 2:19 PM on March 12, 2008

I thought people were being a bit too rough and mean in regarts to UN Owen. Why should I apologize for that opinion?

Honestly, the opinion isn't really the problem, though I understand that you need to keep framing the issue that way in order to allow you to sidestep any meaningful self-reflection in the matter. It's more the incessant self-righteousness that evidently knows no bounds, coupled with the smug holier-than-thou tone that I suspect folks take exception to, especially given that your posting history illustrates that your "do unto others" credo has its certain glaring limits.

But do carry on pretending that you're being victimized for your beliefs.
posted by scody at 2:25 PM on March 12, 2008 [3 favorites]

it surely got made into a much bigger thing than it would have been had it been posted by someone else.

That's true, but it's, er, a cross she has to bear. If you're going to spend a significant amount of time pissing people off with ex cathedra judgments, you have to take the consequences.
posted by languagehat at 2:27 PM on March 12, 2008

Why should I apologize for that opinion? It might be a wrong opinion, but it's mine, and I'm rather fond of it.
posted by konolia 10 minutes ago

I never said you should apologize for your opinion. But, in truth, you're not going to apologize for anything regardless of how much I explain myself, so it's a moot point. good luck with the finger wagging. be sure to let us know if any of us are your children or grandkids so we can start paying attention to what you think about things.
posted by shmegegge at 2:33 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

especially given that your posting history illustrates that your "do unto others" credo has its certain glaring limits.

Well, U.N. Owen is probably straight, so there's a clear difference there.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 2:39 PM on March 12, 2008

That's true, but it's, er, a cross she has to bear. If you're going to spend a significant amount of time pissing people off with ex cathedra judgments, you have to take the consequences.

A fair point. Speaking for no one but myself, I guess I just don't see this particular comment as egregious as some others apparently do. Maybe I'm just missing something, but take that as you will. Likewise with Jessamyn's reaction to what, to me, was obviously a light and silly "how do I know any of you are real?"
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 2:40 PM on March 12, 2008

So, the finger, sometimes it wags automatically. It's a mom thing, people.

shmegegge has already run with this quote elegantly - but is it possible, konolia, that you're just missing the message?

Some of us indulge the "mom thing" when it's our moms doing the "mom thing".

Otherwise we generally prefer to at least aim for a more grown up relationship thing.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 2:45 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

"The highlight of this thread for me? Learning of Klangklangston's Stabbing Westward fandom.*

*I'll cop to liking their "hits." "

The drum sound on the first album (Ungod) is really nice, and when I was in high school, I didn't realize how inane the lyrics were. I mean, "I think I woke up screaming/ I had a dream that I still loved you"? And then as time went on, I got to go through the phases where they got popular and I was annoyed at all the new folks who were only into them because they thought that the members were hot, or whatever, and then their follow-up (Darkest Days), which had a couple good songs and a lot of sub-NIN mopery, and then reading up on the backstory and being like, man, this whole album's about the breakup of one relationship? I can totally understand why she dumped his whiny ass. (Technically, that's an observation that a friend of mine made, but I've appropriated it because as soon as he said it, it was clear that it was a platonic truth he had grasped).

And then slowly realizing that not only had that album been kinda crappy on the whole, but that all of their prior albums were kinda shallow and crappy, and that most industrial music was kinda shallow and crappy. Then Stabbing Westward put out one more album, which my brother bought me for Christmas and it was so amazingly terrible that hearing it only heightened my guilt over giving it a luke-warm reception when I unwrapped it in front of him.

But yeah, from about 14-years-old to about 19-years-old, I loved that band and met all sorts of people from all over the country through their mailing lists and message boards. Thank God that the other band that I had a similar message-board-and-mailing-list fanaticism about was Nirvana, who, while not what I'd listen to all the time, at least aren't as totally embarrassing. The only thing that SW has going for them on that front is that they're not well-remembered and that I can still look down on people who were fans of Sister Machine Gun.

Christ, I remember deriding Gravity Kills as a Stabbing Westward rip-off band.
posted by klangklangston at 3:07 PM on March 12, 2008

Look upon my recipe, and despair.
posted by CKmtl at 3:10 PM on March 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

Despair is right. I just threw up in your mouth, a little.
posted by pineapple at 3:15 PM on March 12, 2008

i am so going to eat a tasty hamburger today, with beets on it, naturally.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:16 PM on March 12, 2008

What I have learned today:

1. That sometimes, people do NOT pick up on things said with a sense of humor.
2. That if someone somewhere has an opinion different from one, then, by jingo, SOMEONE must be judgmental!
3. That if I respond conversationally to a comment, oh, my goodness, I must have felt attacked!!!!!!! Or victimized!!!!! Oh NOES!

And somewhere, in the vast hollows and caverns of the Internets, a plate of beans is being overthought.

Too bad images have been disabled, this would be a perfect time for some cat macros. Anybody want a cheeseburger? Or a bukkit?
posted by konolia at 3:34 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Look upon my recipe, and despair.
posted by CKmtl at 6:10 PM on March 12 [1 favorite +] [!]

Now THAT?

Is EVIL.
posted by konolia at 3:35 PM on March 12, 2008

What I have learned today:

posted by konolia at 6:34 PM on March 12
posted by shmegegge at 3:41 PM on March 12, 2008 [4 favorites]

Look upon my recipe, and despair.

Oh my god, that sounds fantastic.

After I graduated from college, I moved to Northampton MA, and couldn't get a job. Ended up working in dining services at Smith College, where every house (aka dorm) has its own kitchen and dining room. The cook for the house I worked in made the most delicious pickled beets I have ever had. I hadn't been a fan of sweet pickled anything until that point, but the first time she broke out a jar of her homemade pickled beets, I was an instant convert.

If there is a god, I would like to thank hir for beets. (Other stuff, too, but that'd be a really long list, and I'd leave something off, and you guys would yell at me, and then I might get in my Snit and drive away.)
posted by rtha at 3:58 PM on March 12, 2008

In his house at R'lyeh beety Cthulhu waits dreaming.

I don't mind beets, but those are abominations.
posted by CKmtl at 4:00 PM on March 12, 2008

roast beets + tangerine + onions + arugula + balsamic viniagrette = yum
posted by small_ruminant at 4:10 PM on March 12, 2008

konolia said: "What I have learned today:

1. That sometimes, people do NOT pick up on things said with a sense of humor.
2. That if someone somewhere has an opinion different from one, then, by jingo, SOMEONE must be judgmental!
3. That if I respond conversationally to a comment, oh, my goodness, I must have felt attacked!!!!!!! Or victimized!!!!! Oh NOES! "

But this one, I totally did pick up on the humor. This was hilarious! Comedy Gold!
posted by pineapple at 4:13 PM on March 12, 2008

Has the thread been rickrolled yet?

Seriously, when is this going to end? What is the purpose? What are we all here waiting for?
posted by cior at 5:14 PM on March 12, 2008

Seriously, when is this going to end? What is the purpose? What are we all here waiting for?

Dude, remember that thread where we thought sansgras might be some kind of kaycee nicole - like fiction? That was awesome. Whatever happened with that thread?
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 5:17 PM on March 12, 2008

Ended up working in dining services at Smith College

Five College food service workers REPRESENT. [I worked at Hampshire's]

Likewise with Jessamyn's reaction to what, to me, was obviously a light and silly "how do I know any of you are real?"

Remember please, I am the humorless mod.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:32 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Five College food service workers REPRESENT. [I worked at Hampshire's]

Me too! SAGA.
posted by OmieWise at 5:34 PM on March 12, 2008

Hey, I visited Hampshire often for parties and debauchery. And I do have to say, opening the food hall to serve tater tots at 3am during the Halloween party, while it must suck for the people working there, was much appreciated by me and my friends visiting from our lame college in PA.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:47 PM on March 12, 2008

Remember please, I am the humorless mod.

I once saw Jessamyn straight-face Buster Keaton through a plateglass window.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:05 PM on March 12, 2008 [6 favorites]

I washed dishes at UMass Amherst!
posted by Evangeline at 6:28 PM on March 12, 2008

*High-fives jessamyn and OmieWise*

I actually really liked working at Smith. I liked my co-workers a lot, the students were a huge source of entertainment and enjoyment, and I got two excellent meals a day. And I loved living in Northampton.
posted by rtha at 6:29 PM on March 12, 2008

Oh, hey!

*High-fives Evangeline*
posted by rtha at 6:38 PM on March 12, 2008

Hey, rtha, what house?
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:46 PM on March 12, 2008

I washed dishes at UMass Amherst!

Uh mah gah, me too!
posted by tristeza at 7:10 PM on March 12, 2008

Oh this is weird. I lived in Greenough. I was only there for one semester (quarter?) my junior year. I went there on the National Student Exchange program. You pay in-state tuition at your home school (University of Alabama for me) and spend one semester or one year at an out-of-state college. This must have been 1988.

There was a conveyor belt, and my job was to separate out the glasses and put them in racks. Sometimes we'd get so overwhelmed we'd just start tossing dishes onto the floor. The water would be up to our ankles by the time the shift was over!
posted by Evangeline at 7:16 PM on March 12, 2008

LobsterMitten: Northrop, '89-90ish.
posted by rtha at 7:22 PM on March 12, 2008

So what, now this thread is turning into an episode of Lost?

Oh my god, we're all minor characters from each other's pasts!
posted by tkolar at 7:49 PM on March 12, 2008

Come to think of it we've had con games, mistaken identities, Good and Bad people, nicknames, parent issues, redemption, sacrifice, and plenty of secrets to go around.

This thread *is* an episode of Lost. All we need to do is work some references to the numbers in and we can submit it as a script for next season.
posted by tkolar at 7:55 PM on March 12, 2008

Whatever happened with that thread?

The locals say they're all still in there... and sometimes, late at night, you can still hear their voices.

OOOOOOOOooooooooooooo
posted by juliplease at 8:35 PM on March 12, 2008

Thanks for the recipe CKmtl.
posted by arse_hat at 9:22 PM on March 12, 2008

Oh my god, we're all minor characters from each other's pasts!

It's true. The totally awesome Slack-a-gogo was my ex-husband's best man at our wedding.
posted by scody at 9:26 PM on March 12, 2008

rtha: mmm, warm fuzzies.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:35 PM on March 12, 2008

Turns out I'm sleeping with the wife of one of the guys who runs this joint.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:40 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

cortex, you dog!
posted by scody at 9:44 PM on March 12, 2008

Wait, Jessamyn is a man? And s/he has a wife?
posted by tkolar at 9:45 PM on March 12, 2008

I washed dishes at Williams, down the road.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:52 PM on March 12, 2008

Wait, Jessamyn is a man? And s/he has a wife?

No to both, but I would be willing to entertain offers on the second part there.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:54 PM on March 12, 2008

As of right now, this thread appears twice in my "recent activity", both right after Joseph Gurl's comment. It will gradually grow to take over the whole mefi experience... it's like the night the stars went out.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:00 PM on March 12, 2008

Ok, it went away.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:06 PM on March 12, 2008

#666! HAIL SATAN!
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 11:01 PM on March 12, 2008

A mefi-related small-world story: I've recently gotten to know a local mefite, who: used to work with one of my best friends; went to the same college (a year apart) as my sweetheart; and was once married to someone I knew in high school.

I was at a meetup a month or so ago talking to this MeFite over some beer, and it was only after like an hour or two of talking about random crap that we figured out that we went to the same college 10 years apart. And she was responsible for hijinks that were well-established college history by the time I got there.
posted by jewishbuddha at 11:55 PM on March 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

I would be willing to entertain offers on the second part there.

Ok, I just put up a craiglist ad for ya, let us know how it goes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:27 AM on March 13, 2008

Jess, if you - in your infinite librarian wisdom - can help me out with this quandry, I will get down on bended knee. <3>

also, look: ROSES.

..................................
......... , . - . - , _ , .......
......... ) ` - . .~ ' `( .......
........ / . . . .`\ . . \ ........
........ |. . . . . |. . .| ........
......... \ . . . ./ . ./ .........
........... `=(\ /.=` .........
............. `-;`.-' ............
............... `)| ... , ........
................ || _.-'| ........
............. ,_|| \_,/ ........
....... , ..... \|| .' .............
....... |\ |\ ,. ||/ .............
.... ,..\` | /|.,|Y\, ............
..... '-...'-._..\||/ .............
......... >_.-`Y| ..............
.............. ,_|| ...............
................ \|| ...........
................. || ..........
................. || ...........
................. |/ .........

posted by numinous at 7:48 AM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

numinous: no idea. I find citation nitpickery to be the height of prescriptive nonsense. I understand that there are times people have to do it, but it's not something I know anything about and I'd be looking it up when I got to the library (or Google) same as you.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:08 AM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

shorter numinous: HOPE ME @>--'--.-`---
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:11 AM on March 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

Lollerz all round. And numinous, with an unusual or irregular cite, I'd just make sure that it's clear what the source is, is all.
posted by Mister_A at 8:20 AM on March 13, 2008

But I require perfectionnnnnnnnnn! Actually, I need this for an immediate citation, but also because my current research (and hopefully my thesis!) is couched in the examination of religious/economic intersection, so this will undoubtedly be coming up again.

BRB INTELLECTUALLY AMBUSHING CAMPUS EDITORS.

also: that is some great editing, cortex. can you help me?
posted by numinous at 8:38 AM on March 13, 2008

tkolar: "Oh my god, we're all minor characters from each other's pasts!"

Indeed! The Bellman and I went to the same high school, but not at the same time. He was (and is) good friends with a girl I also was (and am) good friends with. Do you know how hard it was to figure that out? Answer: not very. Anyway, it would be cool if there was a list of everyone's real names somewhere -- for people who use their names in their profiles, that is, nothing privacy-invading. And if you were in a Facebooky, social app-y mood, you could skim through it and see if there was anyone you recognized. And then you'd... um... say "Hi," I guess.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:03 AM on March 13, 2008

Do you know how hard it was to figure that out? Answer: not very.

Good point. If this was actually an episode of Lost it would have taken three seasons, two pregnancies, and at least one violation of the laws of physics to sort that out.
posted by tkolar at 9:14 AM on March 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

Of people that I didn't convince to join the site, one mefi member worked on the same really small student newspaper as me, other than that I haven't run into anyone else I knew in meatbombspace.
posted by drezdn at 9:15 AM on March 13, 2008

Come on, people, we're not going to get to 700 this way. Quit slacking and uncover some more malefactors.
posted by languagehat at 11:32 AM on March 13, 2008

The phrase "gal at change" is contained within languagehat, which leaves a leftover "u", which sounds like un owen, oh yes it doesssssss.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:25 PM on March 13, 2008

FACT: "gaul at change" eliminates even the hanging "u" issue.
FACT: languagehat knows more about the French language than a red-blooded American has any right to.

You do the math.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:33 PM on March 13, 2008

Well, Sys Req got "Poison Arrow" by ABC stuck in my head.

You think you're smart… Stupid, stupid
posted by klangklangston at 12:38 PM on March 13, 2008

You can get "rex c to" from cortex, so LH has obviously released the hounds now that the secret is out.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:45 PM on March 13, 2008

Oh my god, we're all minor characters from each other's pasts!

Well, except me. I'm not cool enough to hang with the kids in Massachusetts.

So, having never seen Lost, if I have no background connections with any of you, am I part of that Dharma Project thingy, or am I about to get eaten by a polar bear?
posted by dw at 12:49 PM on March 13, 2008

Yes.
posted by drezdn at 12:59 PM on March 13, 2008

The phrase "gal at change" is contained within languagehat

I don't c what you're talking about.
posted by dersins at 12:59 PM on March 13, 2008

languagefat (lol) = a full gaol agent.

...

NARC!
posted by CKmtl at 1:01 PM on March 13, 2008

So, to try to make 700, I'm going to throw out the theory that sansgras is u.n.owen.

The both have obsessions with weight, sex, and moderating their posts. They both post to metafilter. They both have less than 10 letters in their username, etc. Prove me wrong internet!
posted by drezdn at 1:02 PM on March 13, 2008

Hah! Just more evidence of his essential stinking Frenchness: Brandon Blatcher has discovered that languagehat is really languagechat!

Declaw, I say, De Claw.
posted by OmieWise at 1:02 PM on March 13, 2008

am I part of that Dharma Project thingy, or am I about to get eaten by a polar bear?

Well, just pray you're not Leslie Arzt.

Kerpow.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:04 PM on March 13, 2008

Plus, (unless someone memailed her) what brought her attention to this rambling thread? On top of that sansgras backwards is sargsnas which is nearly Norwegian for "to own" which sort of sounds like owen.
posted by drezdn at 1:05 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

dude, this is freaking me out!

Sansgras - without fat
Un Owen - without Owen. There was a kid with a slight weight problem in my high school! OMFG!
posted by dirtdirt at 1:20 PM on March 13, 2008

I am so on the other side of the looking glass right now i forgot to mention that that kid, the slightly husky one, was named OWEN!!!!
posted by dirtdirt at 1:22 PM on March 13, 2008

If anybody wants to take up a real owen-related science projects, I'd suggest an orthographic review of the InnocentBystander posting history to see if two distinct modes of writing can be sussed out. Comments explicitly identified as [IB's wife] could be taken as a baseline corpus for her; comments from before her big meltdown could be taken as a baseline for him. Your assignment: ID the poster of all remaining IB comments based on what you can gather from the writing itself.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:28 PM on March 13, 2008

languagehat is really languagechat!

MROWWR!

*shits in OmieWise's shoes*
posted by languagehat at 1:31 PM on March 13, 2008

(For example, I noticed when doing some research the other day a propensity toward emphasis using CAPITALIZATION, as well as a possible idiosyncratic use of *bounding asterisks for emphasis* that was not necessarily the more [most?] common mefi pattern of Erikative-like *description of action taken* stranded verb-phrase characterizations. I didn't really dig into either of these, nor did I pin them on one or the other of the two folks involved, but there are at least analyzable artifacts like that.

Though, of course, if they're a close couple and sharing computer time, there's the reasonable chance that some of these tendencies could become assimilated in either direction over time, thus muddying the forensic waters a bit. But still!)
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:33 PM on March 13, 2008

(Also, the character string "ill!)" is kind of a crazy mess of verticle lines.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:34 PM on March 13, 2008

|||!
posted by klangklangston at 1:44 PM on March 13, 2008

Cortex, of course, if anyone follows through on your suggestion, it needs to be turned into a greasemonkey script that automatically inserts "[Innocentbystander's Wife]" when owen typing is detected.
posted by drezdn at 1:47 PM on March 13, 2008

You know what that is?

Ill!
posted by dersins at 1:47 PM on March 13, 2008

oh btw
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:53 PM on March 13, 2008

posted by cortex (staff) at 1:53 PM on March 13, 2008

My least favorite club!
posted by dersins at 1:53 PM on March 13, 2008

So, speaking of LOST, I read on a spoiler site that we'll learn tonight that Ben is Vincent's biological father.

ZOMG SPOILER ALERT
posted by UKnowForKids at 1:53 PM on March 13, 2008

I didn't really dig into either of these, nor did I pin them on one or the other of the two folks involved, but there are at least analyzable artifacts like that.

Relatedly, cortex, all artefacts are palimpsests with infinite layers. Here, settle down--you comfy?--I have a lot of theories on this, and I want to bounce some of them off of you . . .
posted by Skot at 2:02 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Though, of course, if they're a close couple and sharing computer time, there's the reasonable chance that some of these tendencies could become assimilated in either direction over time, thus muddying the forensic waters a bit

I don't see why- or how. Stynxno and I share computers- I use his, he uses mine, but that doesn't link how we say what we say on the site. I can't imagine two differing styles fusing into one simply because of the "real life" nature of their relationship.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:07 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

There he goes, abusing his admin powers again. Rise up, MetaFilter peons! Storm the barricades and reclaim the img tag!
posted by languagehat at 2:19 PM on March 13, 2008

I don't see why- or how. Stynxno and I share computers- I use his, he uses mine, but that doesn't link how we say what we say on the site. I can't imagine two differing styles fusing into one simply because of the "real life" nature of their relationship.

Give it time. You'll soon be finishing each other's posts.
posted by dw at 2:45 PM on March 13, 2008

TPS, I disagree. I don't mean to imply that UN and IB would totally converge, stylistically, but some creeping assimilation of this or that bit of typography wouldn't surprise me one bit. My writing style has not been static over the last few years, and what changes I've adopted reflect in part what I've consciously liked or subconsciously imitated in those around me. Why would that not hold just as true, if not more so, for folks not just sharing a website but in a close relationship?

That's not to say it's a given; maybe you and stynx have adopted none of one another's phrases or style tics since you've been together—neither intentionally nor accidentally, earnestly or ironically, gladly or despairingly. I can't say (at least, not without doing a bunch of research into your respective commenting histories), but I'd be surprised if there weren't some things.

(The fact that I occasionally unselfconsciously use as an intensifier "hella", a word I more or less loathe and actively rejected for years when e.g. my sister was using it daily, is a case-in-point for the porousness of one's supposed language barriers. But I may be a bit of a sponge, linguistically; I don't know.)

Now, things like novel typographic tricks I would expect to be even more liable to lead to assimilation of observed behavior. I'd wager that where people feel a strong sense of (and even unspoken obligation to) the idea that their choice of words is part of their stylistic/expressive identity, there's less strong, less explicit a sense of identity in how folks choose to emphasize* their words in type. Or, at least, that a strong, stubborn sense of typographical identity isn't likely to be in place as soon: someone already comfortable and set in their manner of "talking" (out loud or on paper or via keyboard) may be less set in the specific sorts of characters and keystrokes and codes they use to pick out the key bits of what they're saying.

All speculation, admittedly; I haven't formally studied any of this. But stylistic assimilation is something I very much, however unstudiously, believe is a (perhaps not universal, and/or perhaps largely invisible to those to whom it happens) real and common phenomenon.

*or emphasize or "emphasize" or emphasize or *emphasize* or emphasize¿
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:48 PM on March 13, 2008

Relatedly, cortex, all artefacts are palimpsests with infinite layers.

I smell a Big Big Question.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:48 PM on March 13, 2008

TPS, I disagree. I don't mean to imply that UN and IB would totally converge, stylistically, but some creeping assimilation of this or that bit of typography wouldn't surprise me one bit. My writing style has not been static over the last few years, and what changes I've adopted reflect in part what I've consciously liked or subconsciously imitated in those around me

I know that conversation styles change over time. But just because two people have face time does not necessarily mean their online activity will intertwine. I don't know that Marc (Stynxno) and I cross paths much on Metafilter- he's often mentioning a post to me that I hadn't seen at all, and vice versa. Our interests are different (he's more on the blue, I'm more on the green, we meet on the grey), and I don't follow his activity very closely. Therefore, I don't think that I would consider him an influence moreso than the people whose work I actually read on a regular basis (shoutouts to my pals on the green) simply because we're together in "real" life. I'd be interested to hear how it works for other couples.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:58 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Fair enough. One of the things I'm presupposing is that IB and UN may have spent a fair amount of time computing together in a context where they'd see one another's text; I don't know if I really stated that explicitly above, and I don't know for sure that that's even the case, but that's part of my reasoning here.

If you and Stynxno don't really read each others words in any more than a normal proportion to the words of any other users or authors online; if you don't spend more effort and more attention to the things written by one another that you do read than you do to things written by other people; if there's no mapping of verbal expressive tics to writing; no extra one-to-one exposure of one's writing to the other (vetting each other's drafts of a letter or a comment or a post, writing a lot of email to one another, etc): then, yeah, it seems like something that wouldn't be likely to apply as a couple-specific phenomenon above the normal baseline assimilation of other people's writing in general.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:11 PM on March 13, 2008

I'd be interested to hear how it works for other couples.

My wife and I were both on the same forum for a while. One day, I said something in frustration that violated the unwritten double-sekrit TOS and there was a big, long discussion about whether I should be banned or not. I left. My wife followed minutes later, pissed at the pitchforks they would be waving at HER HUSBAND.

IOW, it was a total disaster.

So, now, we don't frequent the same groups, save one baseball blog where I am a regular commenter and she's a lurker and sometimes commenter. Entirely by choice. Not sharing the same web space saves us the emotional investment for other problems.
posted by dw at 3:12 PM on March 13, 2008

If you and Stynxno don't really read each others words in any more than a normal proportion to the words of any other users or authors online

We really don't, and it always surprises me when people assume that we do- like when people assume he makes posts related to celebrity gossip because I want him to or I tell him to. Nothing of the sort; I have about as much to do with his posts or comments as I do with the posts or comments of any other Mefite I correspond with regularly (The poster formerly known as Hermitosis would often run stuff by me, but no one holds me accountable for his stuff). And like dw illustrates, it's probably better that way.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:19 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd be interested to hear how it works for other couples.

My wife reads the site at different times than I do, and it's always a source of amusement to me when I'm reading a comment, and I find myself totally agreeing with the commenter on some strange or arcane topic, only to scroll down and see that it was something that she said.

Apparently the same thing happens sometimes when she reads my stuff.

We mostly just use the site in a "didja see that one thread about the thing today?"

I don't think our writing styles are much alike, but I'm not a good judge of that kind of thing. I know that she tends to stay better on topic and make less indirect threats at random figments of the imagination.

Which is good, I suppose.
posted by quin at 3:35 PM on March 13, 2008

Hey! Bring back the .img tag for ALL! Please, of purty please!
posted by ericb at 3:37 PM on March 13, 2008

We really don't, and it always surprises me when people assume that we do- like when people assume he makes posts related to celebrity gossip because I want him to or I tell him to.

Well, I don't really associate the latter with the former; attending to one another's writing is a lot more natural-seeming to me than e.g. compelling one another to post this or that by proxy.

But, I dunno. It doesn't surprise me that people would assume couples who are both active online and active to some extent in the same places online would be exposed to one anothers writing. (Then again, since I tend to expect that, it's not surprising that I'm not surprised by such an assumption. I eat my own tail, I know.) I reckon that there's two general things that could be said:

1. Two people who spend time writing/commenting on the same site(s) and who are also in a close personal relationship are on average more likely to attend to one another's writing in detail than two people who write/comment on the same site(s) but have no other relationship.

2. Coupledom may have polarizing and magnifying effects on the site-sharing (and comments-reading/-responding) pragmas of the two people: they might either be much more attentive to one another's activities on a given site, or they might pointedly be less attentive (or even mutually exclusive) in the sites they spend time on—in either case as a direct result (happenstance or explicitly enforced) of their personal relationship.

If I'm going to defend my speculation that UN and IB spent time proportionally greater time reading each other's text and were thus exposed to a greater-than-normal chance of stylistic assimilation, I'd have to do it with the above framework in mind, I suppose.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:38 PM on March 13, 2008

"I'd be interested to hear how it works for other couples."

My, um, verbosity here has, I think, quieted my girlfriend somewhat. I tend to be, um, outspoken, and she tends to be, um, more reserved. Also, she thinks I can be a dick on the internet when, man, I'm just keepin' it rizz-eal.

Also, man, Kate, what's up with the retarded black girl on ANTM? She ALSO looks like Tootie, but is arguably the dumbest girl EVAR on ANTM.

And one thing that's been bringing Amy and I no end of mirth is pretending that the theme of this cycle is literacy—every time that scroll comes across with "Tyra Mail," the stilted shout-along makes it too easy to pretend that they're all now just learning to read.
posted by klangklangston at 4:33 PM on March 13, 2008

"Dumbest girl EVAR on ANTM"? That's a tight competition, dude.
posted by pxe2000 at 4:49 PM on March 13, 2008

I eat my own tail, I know.

Are you aware that that's against the law in seventeen states and prohibited by most religious traditions? ARE YOU??
posted by languagehat at 5:00 PM on March 13, 2008

Like you wouldn't believe! She makes that weird blonde from the last cycle sound like Foucault.

Oh, and since (I hope) this thread has totally degenerated: Here's an ILX thread that I'd FPP if I were only a little more OK with being BALETED immediately.
posted by klangklangston at 5:00 PM on March 13, 2008

Wowie. Wowzers. The prose is something else, too:

"ALright Nas take off the sweat pants and your question is what person have you fucked in the music business that surprised you the most?"
Nas took off his sweat pants and was a little embarrassed cause his dick was super hard from Method Man's story.
"Let me think...truthfully I have to say R. Kelly."

Best all-rapper embedded-narrative strip-poker-truth-or-dare slashfic erotica EVAR.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:07 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

But TPS, you don't share accounts, which probably leads to less interaction. I think it really depends on how much you use the computer to communicate. For example, I rarely talk to my boyfriend online when we're in the same city, but I facebook my roommates all the time. It depends on the relationship.

Also, can we talk about the ANTM make overs? They were HORRIBLE this year. Oh god. The horse tail? The cheap weaves? They made weird-talking Hawaiian into an albino?
posted by fermezporte at 5:10 PM on March 13, 2008

Seriously, that is what Chaucer would be writing if he was alive today and completely, completely fucked up on bad drugs.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:10 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty shocked that Lauren is still on the show but her picture this week was pretty good.
posted by Stynxno at 5:10 PM on March 13, 2008

I'd be interested to hear how it works for other couples.

My ex-boyfriend once said that he basically thought that people on MeFi were a bunch of assholes and flipped out that I asked an AskMe question about him and his bad habits. When we split up, he asked me to change his username and I did.

I'm sorry, what was the question again?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:12 PM on March 13, 2008

The question is what person have you fucked in the music business that surprised you the most?

Truthfully I have to say Jeff Tweedy.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:14 PM on March 13, 2008

"Best all-rapper embedded-narrative strip-poker-truth-or-dare slashfic erotica EVAR."

I loved the bit about the guy not bein' gay or nothin', but he'd totally fuck Usher.

"When we split up, he asked me to change his username and I did. "

So what was Cortex's username before that?
posted by klangklangston at 5:17 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Also, can we talk about the ANTM make overs? They were HORRIBLE this year. Oh god. The horse tail? The cheap weaves? They made weird-talking Hawaiian into an albino?"

Yeah, they're caught in the last days of '80s nostalgia, though the skinhead is starting to totally try to rock the '90s again. I mean, high-waisted pants? Those look great on my mom.

The weird-talking Hawaiian is now known as Powder at our house. We're waiting for her magnetic powers.
posted by klangklangston at 5:20 PM on March 13, 2008

I would just like to say that I have to get an abstract in by midnight and I am _still_ reading this thread. If I have a total meltdown, do you think we could get to 1000?
posted by LittleMissCranky at 5:27 PM on March 13, 2008

Very possibly.
posted by jerseygirl at 5:33 PM on March 13, 2008

I would just like to say that I have to get an abstract in by midnight and I am _still_ reading this thread. If I have a total meltdown, do you think we could get to 1000?

It would help if you confessed to being Kaycee and/or dhoyt.
posted by languagehat at 5:41 PM on March 13, 2008

The question is what person have you fucked in the music business that surprised you the most?

Oh simple, Kim Thayil.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:34 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

You were all, like, "But Kim's a girl's name and you've got long hair!"

I really really REALLY hate "punk rock" Lauren. Haaate. HAAAATE.

Really? I find her journey from observing the horrible shit women are expected to do for fashion, through letting them do it to her, and finally to her doing it to herself, incredibly captivating. Plus, she's inept, and that's punk rock.
posted by klangklangston at 7:09 PM on March 13, 2008

jessamyn: "Remember please, I am the humorless mod."

Sting was very convincing as you, I thought, mathowie played by Phil Daniels was a treat, and Leslie Ash in the role of cortex... wow. The recumbent Vespas were so cool, but did mathowie really have to ride off this thread at the end? If only his mum hadn't found the stash of blue n owens...
posted by jack_mo at 7:10 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Things I learned today:

1. James Brown likes the hotpants.
2. This little guy can jump and jump.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:24 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

The question is what person have you fucked in the music business that surprised you the most?

Conor Oberst.

This explains a lot, doesn't it?
posted by pxe2000 at 7:56 PM on March 13, 2008

The question is what person have you fucked in the music business that surprised you the most?

Jimmy Page. He was so gentle. There I was, expecting the whips and chains and maybe the odd red snapper, and instead there were rose petals. Very strange.

But seriously, I've been reading this thread from the beginning, taking a special interest because when sansgras's last question was posted, I turned to my boyfriend and said, "This girl cannot possibly be real."

But I did some sansgras-related research after that and found this: Her writing style is very different from that of the infamous sansgras. (References: LiveJournal and Xanga; not sure if the two blogs are by the same person. One ends in 2004 and the other begins in 2005, but the details of the two do not match up at all.)

Back to my original point, based mostly on LiveJournal versus AskMe: Our sansgras doesn't spell things the Canadian way; the original one did. Ours writes longer sentences, frequently run-ons. The original sansgras used more line breaks. She tended to write in all lower-case letters. As noted earlier in the thread, people do change their writing styles with time, but the two do not seem remotely similar.

The whole issue seems to have died somewhere upthread, but I'm finally going to jump in and say that I'm fairly sure we have our very own sansgras. I'll also say I'm confused by some apparent contradictions in her questions and comments, but I don't necessarily believe she was lying about herself.

The UN Owen thing would take a lot more research, I think, especially as her old comments have been deleted.
posted by brina at 9:39 PM on March 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

My ex-boyfriend once said that he basically thought that people on MeFi were a bunch of assholes and flipped out that I asked an AskMe question about him and his bad habits. When we split up, he asked me to change his username and I did.

posted by jessamyn at 1:12 AM on March 14 [+] [!]

you and crunchland were an item ?
posted by sgt.serenity at 1:23 AM on March 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

It would help if you confessed to being Kaycee and/or dhoyt.

Oh, I am...and also ParisParamus. So now do I threaten to cut something off? I'm kind of new at this meltdown thing.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 6:23 AM on March 14, 2008

Should I "confess" to being orange clock, or does anyone even remember him and my huffiness becuase he trespassed on the orange turf?
posted by orange swan at 6:30 AM on March 14, 2008

Hee, the orange turf? are you serious? that's adorable.
posted by Phire at 7:51 AM on March 14, 2008

I don't know if you want to claim orange clock. If it helps, you're the only orange noun to me.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 7:57 AM on March 14, 2008

I just want to take this chance to mention that I'm not the guy that wanted to change his name to Dresden. That's just crazy.
posted by drezdn at 8:14 AM on March 14, 2008

When I woke up this morning I seriously, truly had a moment of unreality. I actually had to remind myself that I am who I am. Should I be banned from life?
posted by loiseau at 8:29 AM on March 14, 2008

My ex-boyfriend once said that he basically thought that people on MeFi were a bunch of assholes and flipped out that I asked an AskMe question about him and his bad habits.

Oh. My. God.

Jessamyn *is* fr0zen! How could we have missed it?
posted by tkolar at 8:48 AM on March 14, 2008

*Thread Closed to new comments*
posted by drezdn at 10:24 AM on March 14, 2008

FAIL.
posted by Phire at 10:55 AM on March 14, 2008

. . . our greatest defining tool. Yet, the metaphors we evolve to expand the potential of language can themselves only be made to refer back to the language which created them. An infinite loop emerges in most definition.

Cortex? Hey, buddy, stay with me! You looked like you were nodding off for a second.

Anyway, as new technology emerges we use it to 'add' meaning to artifacts which are already partly defined. By looking at the world with ever more refined microscopes we bring reality into greater clarity. This metaphor can be expanded to refer to texts, art, archaeology, culture . . .
posted by Skot at 10:56 AM on March 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hee, the orange turf? are you serious? that's adorable.

I know it sounds petty, but I was relieved when orange clock got banned. He was a dick, and because our names looked so similar, people were confusing us. As a matter of fact several people did comment in his banning thread that they were glad that they'd stop thinking orange swan had lost her mind when scrolling through threads too fast. I worried that people who don't "know" me well would carry around a vague impression that I was an ass, and public opinion of your character can really affect how you get treated around here.
posted by orange swan at 11:07 AM on March 14, 2008

Ah, but what about Orange Goblin? Send out the orange ninjas once more!
posted by languagehat at 11:18 AM on March 14, 2008

Orange Goblin was here before me. Punk.
posted by orange swan at 11:33 AM on March 14, 2008

Orange Goblin's also named after an insanely awesome stoner rock band.
posted by klangklangston at 11:36 AM on March 14, 2008

The Oranges and the Pinks should have a rumble. I'm not going to lie, the Pinks would tear your asses UP.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:08 PM on March 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

Headline: "Orange and Pink clash."
posted by CKmtl at 12:26 PM on March 14, 2008 [9 favorites]

My ex-boyfriend once said that he basically thought that people on MeFi were a bunch of assholes - Jessamyn

DTMFA! I've always wanted to write that!

Wait. What?
posted by Mister_A at 12:31 PM on March 14, 2008

Orange is the new ~~pink~~ overlord.
posted by orange swan at 6:24 PM on March 14, 2008

I've been trying to decide for ages whether I should change my name to orangetaz, pinktaz, tazhat, or taz cardoso. I think I've pretty much settled on klangklangtaz though.
posted by taz at 2:44 AM on March 15, 2008

thepinkcardoso would be worth considering.
posted by adamvasco at 8:37 AM on March 15, 2008

Metafilter: I use his, he uses mine
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:54 AM on March 15, 2008

Does anybody read the posts down here?
posted by languagehat at 1:27 PM on March 15, 2008

i do.
posted by grouse at 1:44 PM on March 15, 2008

Nope.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:52 PM on March 15, 2008

How could you not?
posted by mumkin at 2:00 PM on March 15, 2008

Yes.
posted by brina at 2:28 PM on March 15, 2008

Is this another longboat thread?
posted by Cranberry at 2:41 PM on March 15, 2008

Row, you bastards!
posted by Tenuki at 3:02 PM on March 15, 2008

It's a stealth longboat that'll never make it to 1000.
posted by drezdn at 3:07 PM on March 15, 2008

I take that as a personal challenge.
posted by languagehat at 3:23 PM on March 15, 2008

Seriously.
posted by languagehat at 3:23 PM on March 15, 2008

We're over three-quarters of the way, people—we can do this!
posted by languagehat at 3:23 PM on March 15, 2008

This thread has now reached the point where I have to turn off greasemonkey to get it load in less than a light year.

I believe in us! We can do this!
posted by rtha at 3:30 PM on March 15, 2008

Naming your establishment Fubar only invites the wrath of the gods.
posted by mumkin at 3:31 PM on March 15, 2008

Of course, a light year measures distance, not time. But we knew that.
posted by rtha at 3:33 PM on March 15, 2008

I thought greasemonkey caused web traffic to be routed by way of Alpha Centauri.
posted by tkolar at 3:42 PM on March 15, 2008

That explains the slow loading, then. It's always rush hour for the Centaurian's - never seen anything like that gridlock. That Tannhauser Gate junction is just terrible.
posted by rtha at 4:08 PM on March 15, 2008

Centaurians, dammit.
posted by rtha at 4:09 PM on March 15, 2008

Of course, a light year measures distance, not time. But we knew that.

Blah blah Kessel run blah blah twelve parsecs.
posted by dersins at 4:15 PM on March 15, 2008

I did not say this. I am not here.
posted by deborah at 4:21 PM on March 15, 2008

Who was that?
posted by yhbc at 4:27 PM on March 15, 2008

Who was what?

What. Wait?
posted by rtha at 4:50 PM on March 15, 2008

I will cut someone's hand off.
posted by Dr. Curare at 10:38 PM on March 15, 2008

why am I up at 4 am? Curse you, Mefi.
posted by Phire at 12:57 AM on March 16, 2008

I was going to take a little break from the world of MeFi and catch up on my feeds. BikeHacks denied me.
posted by mumkin at 2:49 AM on March 16, 2008

There might be something duller than waiting for nail polish to dry, but I'm not sure what it is. You'd be surprised how many activities become ill-advised when one's nails are wet.
posted by emmastory at 6:52 AM on March 16, 2008

COME ON there has to be other drama we could stir up in this thread.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:16 AM on March 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

There's a bird caught in my stove-hood vent. It's been frantically scrabbling all morning. It has drama: doesn't know whether it should stay or go; feels like it's been lying all along; only now realizes that it's trapped - TRAPPED - in a loveless vent; thinks all of this may have to do with how its parents sat on it when it was just an egg; thinks someone may be stalking it outside the ductwork; doesn't know how to gauge whether other birds are interested in it; etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:48 AM on March 16, 2008

Is the bird overweight?
posted by languagehat at 11:08 AM on March 16, 2008

Is the bird circumcised? Would you like to know how to circumcise it?
posted by drezdn at 11:15 AM on March 16, 2008

I'm thinking I might like to declaw it before trying to get it out.
Running the fan doesn't intimidate it, and basically all I can see are its talons and beak, so it seems pretty menacing. I suspect it's also gay and Christian. Not sure what it think about ANTM.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:24 AM on March 16, 2008

If it's a starling, it's nothing but an illegal alien here to steal the habitats and food sources of hardworking native birds. Call ICE and Homeland Security and have it and its whole family (all 100 million of them) shipped to Gitmo.
posted by rtha at 12:08 PM on March 16, 2008

Would you like a recipe for it?
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:57 PM on March 16, 2008

Stove hood vent bird is watching you masturbate.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:37 PM on March 16, 2008

Heath Ledger was actually renting his apartment from me.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:38 PM on March 16, 2008

If it's a starling, it's nothing but an illegal alien

Yeah, I'm none too positively disposed toward it anyway - even if it were an honest all-Amurrican bird and not a starlingish bastid I don't want it in my ductwork. Learn to speak English and stop taking our jobs, bird.

and, cortex is a skinny raccoon-eyed media-empress?
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:56 PM on March 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

ThePinkSuperhero said: "COME ON there has to be other drama we could stir up in this thread."

Seriously, y'all. This is weak.
posted by pineapple at 3:28 PM on March 16, 2008

Update for rtha: yup, starling. As it turns out, it was at least two adults. I don't know if they've got a nest higher up in there, heaven forbid. They are mean-looking, fat and oily and clawed, and if you try to catch them they fly around and poop on things. We've expelled one of them, and the other's hiding for now.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:01 PM on March 16, 2008

Next time, if you're able to get up on the roof and open the vent cap, and if the pipe is pretty straight, you could try feeding a rope all the way down. Jig it up and down a bit, and the bird might latch on and hopefully hang on long enough to be pulled to freedom - relatively easily and without shitting all over the house.

I've seen it work roughly 2 out of 3 times when some daft bird got into out chimney.
posted by CKmtl at 5:15 PM on March 16, 2008

Woo! Birdfishing!
Ours seems to vent to the front wall of the house, though, so I think it has corners. Not sure if the birdfish will hang on around corners...
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:50 PM on March 16, 2008

Hmm, probably not.

But! it might hang on long enough to get to the corner, and then fly/scramble out on its own when it sees daylight or a flashlight.

Just don't stand there peering into the hole, unless you want a birdfish in your face.
posted by CKmtl at 5:57 PM on March 16, 2008

We're still working on the last starling. My able assistant has named it Clarice. hurr hurr...
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:22 PM on March 16, 2008

Got her! In your face, Clarice!
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:01 AM on March 17, 2008

198 comments to go people, c'mon.
posted by Phire at 12:21 AM on March 17, 2008

Take one down, pass it around, 197 comments to go.
posted by dersins at 12:33 AM on March 17, 2008

This is the callout that doesn't end,
It just goes on and on my friend
Some people started snarking, not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue snarking forever just because
posted by Tenuki at 1:53 AM on March 17, 2008 [3 favorites]

Oh boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a viking!
posted by pxe2000 at 5:00 AM on March 17, 2008

I don't think so - I was just there, and I saw no vikings.

Last night for dinner, we made this delicious curried butternut squash stew. The secret is to saute everything in peanut oil - it tastes good and it makes the whole house smell amazing.

Also, the peregrines nesting on San Jose's (CA) city hall are back for another season. Nest cam here. They've laid two eggs so far - there will probably be more. It's kind of boring to watch right now, but once the adults start incubating seriously there will be food exchanges, and of course once the young hatch - well, hilarity will ensue. Ensue, I tell you!
posted by rtha at 6:00 AM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Literal Viking.
posted by languagehat at 6:24 AM on March 17, 2008

You've lost your viking mind, rtha.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:49 AM on March 17, 2008

the peregrines nesting on San Jose's (CA) city hall are back for another season

Yestderday we were out looking at houses and, as we left one particularly poorly renovated attempt at a realtor-owned flip, we nticed there was a bird in the birdbath in front of the house across the street. From where we stood, the scale was all wrong, though-- the birdbath looked much smaller than standard.

We crossed the street to examine more closely, and realized the bird was a peregrine (we think) falcon, just splashing around and having a grand old time.

It was pretty cool, and definitely the only time I've ever seen a raptor playing in a birdbath in an urban area.
posted by dersins at 8:14 AM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

My viking mind is not lost; it is currently out for cleaning. It accumulates a horrifying amount of cat fur around here.

Peregrine in a bird bath! Awesome! I bet the robins were pissed, though. If it was a grey or grey/brown bird with a black "helmet" (like this), then yes, peregrine!

Those reddish things you can see in the nest cam are eggs. At the moment there are two; Clara (the female) will probably lay another two or three in the coming days, and then start to seriously incubate them so they'll all hatch at roughly the same time.
posted by rtha at 8:28 AM on March 17, 2008

There are Vikings on Mars.
posted by cog_nate at 8:40 AM on March 17, 2008

There's a peregrine on the nest right now. Might be laying another egg. Go peregrines!

(did you know that in the early 1970s, there were only 2 known breeding pairs of PEFAs in all of California? There are now at least 200 pairs!)
posted by rtha at 8:47 AM on March 17, 2008

HÅNK: "Now what's all the ruckus about, here?"

SVENHAUER: "You know that big ol' dang ol' sumbitchin' floater what we came in on ut's parked over yonder in the bay well dangit i seen some red-skinned fellers just crawlin' all over it and i think they's try'na set the ol' thang on fire is what, an—"

BILLWULF: "He's talkin' bout the boat, Hånk. Some injuns are burning it down an' good."

HÅNK: "Well, I tell you what, that ain't neighborly. Peggy, where'd I leave my greatsword?"

-- Mike Judge, "Viking of the Hill"
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:56 AM on March 17, 2008 [4 favorites]

There are Islamofascist Vikings on Mars.

Fixed that for you. Now can we get a fucking flamewar going? Peregrines are cute and all, but they're not going to get us very far.
posted by languagehat at 9:00 AM on March 17, 2008

Also, there's nothing wrong with the way Bush pronounces "nuclear."
posted by languagehat at 9:00 AM on March 17, 2008

Obama: articulate threat, or clean menace?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:14 AM on March 17, 2008 [2 favorites]

This thread is like Atlas Shrugged. Many claim to have read the whole thing, but nobody actually has.
posted by dirtdirt at 9:29 AM on March 17, 2008

This thread is like ~~Atlas Shrugged~~ Finnegan's Wake. Many claim to have read the whole thing, but nobody actually has.

Fixed &c.
posted by dersins at 9:43 AM on March 17, 2008

"This thread is like Atlas Shrugged. Many claim to have read the whole thing, but nobody actually has."

When I was in high school, I was taking these improv classes, and one of the other students was this alternative chick that I had a massive crush on. So when she was all into Rand, I pretended that I'd read it too, and was just vague on the details ("Oh, yeah, well, I, like, read it a while ago, you know?" says the 15-year-old).

When I finally did try to read it, it was so stupid that I couldn't even fake my way through, and I didn't want to date her anymore.
posted by klangklangston at 9:46 AM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

languagehat wouldn't know the correct pronunciation of nuclear if there was a mushroom cloud in his driveway.

Obama is clearly (and cleanly) the shadow candidate for the islamofascist peregrine movement. I mean, duh - don't you people know how to read the messages encoded in bird droppings? Falconry is an ancient, beloved sport in much of the Middle East, and they've concentrated for decades now on training various kinds of falcons in espionage and election-stealing.

Watch the skies!
posted by rtha at 9:47 AM on March 17, 2008

Oh, and one of the times that my girlfriend's old roommate (the one with ass surgery) had his friends over, they all sat around and gushed about Joyce, and it was clear that none of them had actually read Ulysses or Finnegan's Wake. ("It's like, just so funny if you actually get it, but most people don't." "Really? What's so funny about it?" "Well, like, there are just these funny parts where he starts writing and then it looks like one thing, but once you get it, you realize that it's hysterical." "Oh, yeah, I like that part too." Yeah, you should read it. It's funny." "Yeah, I'll get around to it so I can keep up with you guys.")
posted by klangklangston at 9:50 AM on March 17, 2008

This thread is like Atlas Shrugged. Many claim to have read the whole thing, but nobody actually has.

I've read all of both. One of them was worth it. The other was Atlas Shrugged.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:59 AM on March 17, 2008 [2 favorites]

Falconry is an ancient, ~~beloved~~ erotic sport
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:04 AM on March 17, 2008

*testing theory that all I have to do is show up*
posted by konolia at 10:09 AM on March 17, 2008

That's Woody Allen, konolia - 95% of anything is showing up.

My Woody - the Woody I know and love - is a noted theorist.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:23 AM on March 17, 2008

Right, right. it's ALL about you. Typical christian "I have all the answers. Everyone else is misguided" nonsense.

News flash! You're not that special! No one cares if you show up!
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:24 AM on March 17, 2008

well, konono no.15959, your presence isn't going to set me off.
you're no Vincent Connare [nsfw, language/webcomic].
posted by heeeraldo at 10:38 AM on March 17, 2008

Can someone please explicate on the subject of pervasive cups-related animus?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:43 AM on March 17, 2008

*WAAAAAAAAAH*
posted by konolia at 10:46 AM on March 17, 2008

This thread is like Atlas Shrugged. Many claim to have read the whole thing, but nobody actually has.

Sadly, I have read this whole thread.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:47 AM on March 17, 2008 [2 favorites]

I listened to the audio tape.
posted by drezdn at 10:50 AM on March 17, 2008

Only because we haven't had our Galt speech yet.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:50 AM on March 17, 2008

Sadly, I have read this whole thread.

So, TPS, you like big threads and you cannot lie?
posted by heeeraldo at 10:51 AM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

*hands konolia a kleenex*
posted by rtha at 10:56 AM on March 17, 2008

My Woody - the Woody I know and love - is a noted theorist.

My Woody prefers practice to theory iykwim (aityd).
posted by dersins at 11:12 AM on March 17, 2008

I am so sorry. That wasn't funny. At all. But it had to be said.
posted by dersins at 11:12 AM on March 17, 2008

I think what dersins is trying to say is that he likes using his penis for sex. But I want to be clear that I haven't discussed this with dersins and I'm only making an assumption; I could be wrong here, and barring some sort of clarifying followup comment from him we should probably not jump to conclusions.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:14 AM on March 17, 2008

. . . In a sense, I use the word definition as it is used to describe digital photography, i.e. the greater the pixel count the higher the definition. TRUE, PERFECT definition in this sense, can be understood as a digital image with an infinite number of pixels. The only model than can describe the world is the world itself.

I want to uncover the fractal-like capacity of language, metaphor and definition, most specifically in the archaeological examination of texts, writing, books etc. . . .
posted by Skot at 11:31 AM on March 17, 2008

So, TPS, you like big threads and you cannot lie?

You other members can't deny! When a thread's a mess, you can't help say, YES, this thread may take all day! I'll stay! Don't want to work, no way!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:39 AM on March 17, 2008 [5 favorites]

I think what dersins is trying to say is that he likes using his penis for sex.

Well, it's certainly preferable to using yours.
posted by dersins at 11:40 AM on March 17, 2008

Oh, sure, it's all about your pleasure. Typical.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:47 AM on March 17, 2008

And, man, I tried to watch the movie of Atlas Shrugged or The Fountainhead (I forget which), and it was just this never-ending didactic march of bullshit. Wooden, unironic bullshit.
posted by klangklangston at 11:50 AM on March 17, 2008

I guess everyone really does eventually turn into their parents, because you sound JUST like your mom.
posted by dersins at 11:51 AM on March 17, 2008

Mefi admin day-in-the-life insight: dersins is referring to my now-deleted comment that read, in part, "Don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. There are pills you can take for that, you know. I mean, for the 'stamina' thing. The ones for size don't actually work."
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2008

[It's true. For some reason both cortex and his mom are obsessed with my inability to watch more than an episode at a time of any given Real World / Road Rules marathon. I'm not sure why they care that I only have a 27" flatscreen, though.]
posted by dersins at 12:00 PM on March 17, 2008

Well, you know, it's a really really good show. And besides, the first like nine seasons weren't filmed in HD or anything so, like, wevs.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:06 PM on March 17, 2008

Also can you believe that Brody is hooking up with Talia behind Griffin's back? I mean, okay, Griff is totally not being attentive to her feelings lately and whatever but he's just distracted because he care so much about winning the Song Challenge next week and I think she should respect that. And Brody doesn't have any excuse anyway; that is just some hardcore backstabbery and I hope he gets some karma back for it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2008

"Also, there's nothing wrong with the way Bush pronounces 'nuclear.'"

OH NO YOU DI'NT MISTER LANGUAGE FAT
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:10 PM on March 17, 2008

Okay, you people know way too much about crap television for my comfort.
posted by tkolar at 12:38 PM on March 17, 2008

Oh sure, it's all about your comfort tkolar. Well, you know what, you fedora-wearing elitist? Some of us like crap television! Some of us only have access to crap television! Who are you to rain on our crap television parade without offering any sort of solution?

I hope you are SILENCED ALL YOUR LIFE!

(hey konolia - are you done with that kleenex yet?)
posted by rtha at 12:46 PM on March 17, 2008

When I finally did try to read it, it was so stupid that I couldn't even fake my way through, and I didn't want to date her anymore.

I had this exact experience with the Book of Mormon.
posted by languagehat at 1:30 PM on March 17, 2008

*passes kleenex filled with snot to rtha*

I tried to burn a book of Mormon once. Darn thing would NOT burn. I'm serious.
posted by konolia at 1:57 PM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yet most bibles make for pretty decent rolling paper.
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:26 PM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Which betrays the Gideon-hoteliery pro-weed agenda, when you think about it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:29 PM on March 17, 2008

cf. hands = SO big.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:30 PM on March 17, 2008

I tried to burn a book of Mormon once. Darn thing would NOT burn. I'm serious. -- konolia

Just in case anyone missed that.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 2:32 PM on March 17, 2008

"I tried to burn a book of Mormon once. Darn thing would NOT burn. I'm serious."

That was the angel Moroni saving you from hell.
posted by klangklangston at 2:35 PM on March 17, 2008

I always suspected that Dr. Gene Scott was high.
posted by mumkin at 2:39 PM on March 17, 2008

*makes voodoo doll out of konolia's snot-filled kleenex*
*dresses voodoo doll in disco FABulous*
*as a result, konolia becomes club kid on the circuit*

MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

(The secret to burning a book of mormon: you gotta separate the pages, roll each around something flammable - weed works well - and then light up. To keep the flame going, toke early and often. This is what a, uh, friend told me. Give it a shot - can't hurt!)
posted by rtha at 2:41 PM on March 17, 2008

It'd probably be a shitty coffee filter too.
posted by CKmtl at 2:55 PM on March 17, 2008

shitty coffee filter
posted by Tenuki at 3:06 PM on March 17, 2008

ShittyCoffeeFilter
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:10 PM on March 17, 2008

I just want to point out that the Yankees paid more for Alice Rodriguez than JP Morgan paid for Bear Stearns.

LOL$ISTS
posted by shothotbot at 4:13 PM on March 17, 2008

I got a bag of Tootsie Pops months ago, and now that I've eaten all the red ones, all that's left are orange and chocolate. Sigh.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:29 PM on March 17, 2008

LobsterMitten, you're clearly broken, since chocolate ARE THE BEST FLAVOR OF TOOTSIE POP EVER!
posted by pineapple at 4:39 PM on March 17, 2008 [2 favorites]

Welcome back my friends to the callout that never ends
We're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside

There behind a whinge stands a Mefite on the fringe
Be careful as you cringe, move along, move along

Come inside, the callout's going to start
Guaranteed to blow your head apart

Rest assured you'll get your five bucks' worth
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth
You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo
You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll, oh

Right before your eyes see the laughter from mathowie
And he laughs until he cries, then he yells "owie, wowie"

Soon the Queen of Green in a haze of intervene
Will delete your snarky paean, what a scene, what a scene

Next upon the stand will you please extend a hand
To the Cortex Ragtime Band, it is grand, if unmanned

Where's the self-control, we've a sight to kill your soul
Seven self-links and a troll, the snark is droll, snark is droll

We would like it to be known that the whining that was shown
Were exclusively our own, all our own, all our own

Come and see the show, come and see the show
Come and see the show
See the show

Now you know what the P really stood for in EL&P.
posted by pineapple at 4:53 PM on March 17, 2008 [3 favorites]

Emerson, Lake & PINEAPPLE, amirite??????
posted by pineapple at 4:55 PM on March 17, 2008

No, chocolate are consolation pops; they'll do in a pinch. But cherry's where it's at.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:05 PM on March 17, 2008

Tho, pineapple Dum-Dums are good.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:06 PM on March 17, 2008

I just want to point out that the Yankees paid more for Alice Rodriguez than JP Morgan paid for Bear Stearns.

Perhaps, but Bear Stearns won't lay an egg in the playoffs.
posted by dw at 5:11 PM on March 17, 2008

No, chocolate are consolation pops; they'll do in a pinch.

Oh. mygod. Lobstermitten, I've always liked your comments, and recently got to get all nostalgic with you about the Happy Valley.

But...consolation pops? I may have to reevaluate how I feel about you.
posted by rtha at 6:07 PM on March 17, 2008

The Tootsie Pop is all about contrast. Chocolate provides insufficient contrast with the tootsie center.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:14 PM on March 17, 2008

The Tootsie Pop is all about contrast. Chocolate provides insufficient contrast with the tootsie center.

Oh, please. The contrast in Tootsie Pops has never been about the taste. It's about the *feel* -- the glazed ice crunch of the outer shell vs the slightly-too-stale lump of resin on the inside.

Taste is purely a secondary consideration. If anything, having a chocolate taste on the outside helps to reinforce the idea that the unknown substance on the inside actually is some form of chocolate itself. Surrounding the inside with any other flavor leads to unwholesome speculation about what it actually is.

Take your chocolate hating ways and get out...
posted by tkolar at 6:37 PM on March 17, 2008

Both contrasts are important: feel (as you quite rightly say), and taste.
Chocolate itself I have no quarrel with. But chocolate-flavored hard candy is a different proposition.

Which prompted me to ask myself -- is tootsie supposed to be a form of chocolate? I always took it to be something else, a mystery substance unto itself. Looking at the ingredients online I guess it is cocoa flavored. Strange.

Also, check out the hilariously homemade Tootsie Pops home page. Not under their own name, designed and copywritten by... cousin Joe's kid?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:00 PM on March 17, 2008

Ohfergawdsake is this thread still going? (Not that there's anything wrong with that)...

Btw, everybody knows that BlowPops are the best (two treats in one! lollipop and bubblegum - instant gratification and long-lasting enjoyment).
posted by amyms at 8:38 PM on March 17, 2008

Sometimes I get visions of yo momma.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:45 PM on March 17, 2008

Also, check out the hilariously homemade Tootsie Pops home page.

That's bizarre. You would think they would have sprung the $15 for a domain name.

As for the tootise roll -- yes, it is marketed as some type of chocolate. That's as much as I'm willing to commit to.
posted by tkolar at 8:49 PM on March 17, 2008

I just wanted to stop by and say good luck, we're all counting on you.
posted by ooga_booga at 9:47 PM on March 17, 2008

Darn kids, go to sleep!
posted by not_on_display at 10:15 PM on March 17, 2008

You're not the boss of me!

(Lobstermitten, I've decided to not let this bizarre thing you have against chocolate tootsie pops get in the way of my liking of you. Life's too short.)

(Although it's apparently long enough for this thread.)
posted by rtha at 10:33 PM on March 17, 2008

:) Glad to hear it. Think of it this way - if we ever have to split a bag of Tootsie Pops, harmony will reign.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:35 PM on March 17, 2008

LobsterMitten said: "Tho, pineapple Dum-Dums are good."

I get told this a lot. Not sure why.

Also, while the pineapple-flavored Dum-Dum is nice for its sheer novelty, the cream soda Dum-Dum is far superior. As is ?-flavor.

Facts you didn't know about Dum-Dums until I just took the trouble of going to Wikipedia for you:

- Pineapple? Actually discontinued in 2001.
- But re-introduced in 2005, from its previously retired status as one of the Original Flavors, is Coconut-Pineapple.
- Buttered Popcorn was a flavor from 2001-2002.
- But here's the best, the story behind ?

Dum Dums are made in about twelve different flavors; nine or ten of these flavors are classic flavors; two or three are cycled in and out. The "Mystery Flavor," present in every bag of Dum Dums, is a combination of two flavors in the bag. The combined flavors are random. This combination occurs because the production of Dum Dums is continuous--there is no stop between flavors. This practice results in the flavor combination.

So, "Mystery Flavor" equals "we can't be arsed to stop and clean the equipment before we roll to the next flavor in production."
posted by pineapple at 1:06 AM on March 18, 2008 [5 favorites]

That's actually very cool, pineapple. So, at any point in production, the "Mystery Flavor" could be "rootbeer/butterscotch" or "lime/chocolate" or "raspberry/pineapple"... The possiblities are endless!
posted by amyms at 1:14 AM on March 18, 2008

And, are the ?-Pops the same combination within any one given production batch of Dum-Dums?

Or might they be different combos within the same bag?

My mind, it is blown.
posted by pineapple at 2:10 AM on March 18, 2008

if we ever have to split a bag of Tootsie Pops, harmony will reign.

You know, the shock of your tootsie pop revelation was so great that it made me forget the most important thing about food and preferences: If you don't like something that I like, more for me!

I might have to go out today and buy some tootsie pops. And dum-dums.
posted by rtha at 5:52 AM on March 18, 2008

(Lobstermitten, I've decided to not let this bizarre thing you have against chocolate tootsie pops get in the way of my liking of you. Life's too short.)

:) Glad to hear it. Think of it this way - if we ever have to split a bag of Tootsie Pops, harmony will reign.

Goddammit, don't you people know how to conduct a proper flame war? Granted, a flame war about Tootsie Pops is a little bizarre, but on the other hand you might have been making internet history. Instead, the whole thing dissolves into hugs and shared snacks.

I hate you all.
posted by languagehat at 6:08 AM on March 18, 2008

more like tootsie pap amirite
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:12 AM on March 18, 2008

Recent comments tells me there have been 200 comments since my last one in this thread. I apologize abjectly.
posted by OmieWise at 6:52 AM on March 18, 2008

My hovercraft is full of
Eels! Now we can all get some sleep!
Thor? I'm tho thore I can hardly pith!
And now for something completely different..
For fast pain relief, take Bex!
I loves to eat my friends and make no bones about it...
Lola. lo lo lo lo. Lola
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
Except when it's a DIRTY DOG YEAH DIRTY DOG OH FUCK YEAH
Really? How extraordinarily quaint.

I thought you said goat.
She wore blue velvet.

Oh matron!
Disease ridden maggot ridden shame ridden horror ridden life life life life
Deary me.
posted by h00py at 7:33 AM on March 18, 2008

(My impression of what a dysfunctional meetup would be like, in case you were wondering).
posted by h00py at 7:38 AM on March 18, 2008

So no one's going to flame out?

What am I going to do with this shipment of torches?

Oh well, I guess I'll start cooking up some brats.
posted by drezdn at 8:01 AM on March 18, 2008

Yeah, screw Hansel and Gretel!
posted by tkolar at 8:18 AM on March 18, 2008

Granted, a flame war about Tootsie Pops is a little bizarre, but on the other hand you might have been making internet history. Instead, the whole thing dissolves into hugs and shared snacks.

It's the sugar. It makes me feel all fuzzy and benign.

Anyway, who the fuck died and made you god of flame wars? And you, OmieWise, with your damn midcap that I always forget have I mentioned how much I hate frakking midcaps? - where the fuck have you been? Working? Living a life? Fuck you too! No tootsie pops of any flavor for either of you!

hey drezdn - I'll trade you some pitchforks for some brats. I got popcorn, too. Anybody got any lawn chairs?
posted by rtha at 8:22 AM on March 18, 2008

We're going to drag this thread to 1000 if it kills us, amirite?
posted by rtha at 8:22 AM on March 18, 2008

U RITE U RITE
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:28 AM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

with your damn midcap

Maybe if you weren't so fucking sensitive I wouldn't have to put a midcap in your ass.
posted by OmieWise at 8:33 AM on March 18, 2008

Anyway, who the fuck died and made you god of flame wars?

Now that's more like it.

*revs chainsaw, advances menacingly*

Uh, drezdn, any brats left?
posted by languagehat at 8:43 AM on March 18, 2008

Oh, and another thing—
posted by languagehat at 8:44 AM on March 18, 2008

(ahem)
posted by languagehat at 8:44 AM on March 18, 2008

900!
posted by languagehat at 8:44 AM on March 18, 2008

Chainsaw! HA!

*loads grenade launcher*

Midcap that, you internet wusses!

901!

can comebody pass the mustard, please?
posted by rtha at 9:05 AM on March 18, 2008

I got 901 problems but a round-numbered comment ain't one.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:05 AM on March 18, 2008

Numeracy is also not one of those problems that I have.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:06 AM on March 18, 2008

904! ah! ah! ah!
posted by shmegegge at 9:17 AM on March 18, 2008

*passes out cups of gatorade*

COME ON YOU"RE ALMOST THERE!
posted by Big_B at 9:20 AM on March 18, 2008

*throws up on Big_B's shoes*
*passes out*
posted by rtha at 9:28 AM on March 18, 2008

. . . the thing defined changes in its relationship to the world, I do believe that there is a contradiction in what you have said, Cortex. When the relationship something has with the world shifts we are left with at least two levels of definition, the original and the new. The new definition is not removed completely from the old, the new contains the old within it. To truly understand the Morning and the Evening star, in all its glorious philosophical history, we need to . . .
posted by Skot at 9:35 AM on March 18, 2008

There's no shame in giving up now. Not every post can reach 1000 comments and so your family won't think any less of you for turning back before the finish line. Aren't your finger tips really sore? Maybe it'll lead to a chronic condition. Maybe you'll be like that guy who died just short of the finish line.

It's best to give up.

Here, have a brat.
posted by drezdn at 9:40 AM on March 18, 2008

Why do I have mustard in my hair? DAMN YOU METAFILTERIANIANS!
posted by rtha at 9:46 AM on March 18, 2008

We will never give up, never never never!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:47 AM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

drezdn, I have not yet begun to type.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:50 AM on March 18, 2008

Oh - and cortex? My numeracy problems are so terrible this morning (oh, who am I kidding? EVERY morning!) that when we hit 900 comments, I thought "Only 10 more to go!"

Maybe Tootsie Pops aren't the brain food I've been told they are?
posted by rtha at 9:51 AM on March 18, 2008

Why do I have mustard in my hair?

That's not mustard.
posted by languagehat at 9:53 AM on March 18, 2008

Hey, midcaps are good for being able to abbreviate long names. (I admit with shame that when I signed up, I didn't realize we could have spaces in our names)

There's no shame in giving up now.
drezdn, you sound like my mother in law.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:57 AM on March 18, 2008

Now I'm wishing I hadn't turned that snotty kleenex from konolia into a voodoo doll.

Apropos of nothing, did you guys know that when I was a kid, I broke my arm at Marianne Faithfull's dad's farm/artists retreat? I fell off a log (really). I have a cool scar from it. But because I broke it on the day before we kids were supposed to learn how to milk a cow, I have never learned how to milk a cow.
posted by rtha at 10:06 AM on March 18, 2008

languagehat said: "That's not mustard."

Yeah, I knew that one was (ahem) coming.
posted by pineapple at 10:07 AM on March 18, 2008

Are you all insane?! Orange Tootsie Pops are the bestest!

PS: One of the falcons (probably Clara) is in the nest. She was dozing off like she couldn't keep her eyes open. Kyoot!
posted by deborah at 10:08 AM on March 18, 2008

I can't believe getting this post to 1000 is taking so long. ONTD has a "Free for All Friday" post every Friday, and that post reaches the LJ limit of 5000 comments in less than 12 hours (sometimes much less- last week it was somewhere less than 7).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:13 AM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

rtha, I did not know that.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:15 AM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

A tootsie pop is what parents give you when they're trying to train you not to like candy.
posted by shmegegge at 10:23 AM on March 18, 2008

Dear AskMetafilter: how do I reconcile the steaming pile of crap that is the current code with my optimism that the same people who created it will do better this time around?

Thanks,

Crotchety Old Feller
posted by tkolar at 10:26 AM on March 18, 2008

I can't believe getting this post to 1000 is taking so long. ONTD has a "Free for All Friday" post every Friday, and that post reaches the LJ limit of 5000 comments in less than 12 hours

No offense or anything, but I kind of feel like we should actually be PROUD that we don't quite "measure up" to a shitty celebrity gossip aggregator on Livejournal.
posted by dersins at 10:28 AM on March 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

That's a sleepy looking falcon alright. Oh hey - three eggs, at least!

Orange Tootsie Pops are an abomination.

ONTD has a "Free for All Friday" post every Friday, and that post reaches the LJ limit of 5000 comments in less than 12 hours (sometimes much less- last week it was somewhere less than 7).

Yeah, but we're all about quality here, not quantity. That's what's important!
posted by rtha at 10:29 AM on March 18, 2008

Blasphemy! Tootsie Pops are only second to Blow Pops in their level of sheer goodness. This excel at the hard/soft dichotomy that other candies fail miserably at, plus they have stars on their wrappers, predicting emo style decades ahead of time, possibly inspire it.

Now licorice is a candy that maximizes the suck.
posted by drezdn at 10:30 AM on March 18, 2008

Orange is the best flavor in everything! EVERYTHING!

Except juice, the juice fails in the face of lemonaide.
posted by drezdn at 10:32 AM on March 18, 2008

Why didn't I know it was a stupid idea using your real name when joining metafilter?
posted by Jody Tresidder at 10:33 AM on March 18, 2008

My wife, throughout her life would put her candy flavors, and any enjoyable food really, from least enjoyable to most enjoyable, then start from the least and work to the best.

So once, she laid out all of her frosted mini-wheats from least frosted to most. Suffering through the crappy maximum wheat ones, longing for the sugary goodness at the other end. With only a few left, her dad came by and ate the best one.

Another time, she spent days eating the crappy easter candy, starting with the jelly beans, working through the other cruft, so one day she could revel in the joy of the Cadbury creme egg. Unfortunately, her sister, disappointed that she was out of Cadbury creme egss already ate my wife's.

There's a lesson in there somewhere.
posted by drezdn at 10:36 AM on March 18, 2008 [3 favorites]

I saw some sort of Australian licorice "treat" in a store about a month ago... Something is desperately wrong with those people.

It was called 'soft eating licorice' and was, shockingly, coated in milk chocolate. They were ~7" long sticks of flaccid licorice with a thick layer of chocolate around them. They looked like neatly arranged narrow turds laying in the plastic tray.

Whoever thought "Hey! You know what this chocolate needs? LICORICE!" needs their head examined.
posted by CKmtl at 10:39 AM on March 18, 2008

I don't know which tickles me more -- that this particular motley crew of MesFits is gamely, goofily insistent on

GOING

ALL

THE

WAY....

or that cortex is gamely, goofily going along with us.

I'll just take this time and space to say:

- I feel strangely edified for having read the entire McCartney/Mills judgment. I don't know why. Maybe it's that the great, grand Sir Paul has to do deal with petty, upsetting BS like the rest of the masses?

- I still wish there was a subsite called MeFi Messages, and it could have quickie no-response postings that aren't really good for the green or gray or Projects or Jobs, like "Any MeFite in the Chicago area want four MBA textbooks? Free, you pick up" or "Last minute meet-up, be at Tir na Nog on 8th Ave in one hour" or "I'm looking for a smart MeFite to proof-read my blah-blah before noon tomorrow, ping me if you're that bored."

- This thread has made me really want Dum-Dums. Like, rilly bad.

- I didn't sleep and now I want coffee but am scared I'll get the fatigue+caffeine jitters. Which wouldn't benefit anyone, really.
posted by pineapple at 10:40 AM on March 18, 2008

When jouke was here for a meetup, he brought some outstandlingly strange Netherlandish licorice that was salty and bizarre and really good.
posted by rtha at 10:48 AM on March 18, 2008

The falcons have swapped sitting duties, by the way. Clara's gone for breakfast, and Jose is now on the nest.

Did you know that a male falcon is called a tiercel? It's because male falcons are about 1/3 the size of female falcons. This size differential is common for most raptors.
posted by rtha at 10:55 AM on March 18, 2008

The falcons have swapped sitting duties, by the way. Clara's gone for breakfast, and Jose is now on the nest.

I missed the earlier falcon talk, but if you're interested, I have to recommend The Peregrine by J.A. Baker. It's a slim book that chronicles following a pair of falcons through the marsh's of England for a year. It's not a natural history, but it's extraordinarily evocative.
posted by OmieWise at 11:00 AM on March 18, 2008

or that cortex is gamely, goofily going along with us.

Are you kidding? cortex is the gameliest goof in town. He lives for threads like this.
posted by languagehat at 11:03 AM on March 18, 2008

salty Dutch licorice = horror
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:05 AM on March 18, 2008

Pony Request: Re-Enable IMG tags in threads that have 1,000+ comments.
posted by yeti at 11:08 AM on March 18, 2008

salty Dutch licorice = horror

*respect for LobsterMitten - and her damn midcap - plunges. Again.*

But wait - more for me!

*respect skyrockets*
posted by rtha at 11:13 AM on March 18, 2008

And I hope that when my time on this earth is up, I will manage via some intricate and bizarre boating/computing accident to die for a thread like this.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:14 AM on March 18, 2008

I would like to joke about beets and whatnot, but I think I just hit on a realization: U.N. Owen/InnocentBystander has been practicing financial domination on MetaFilter:

Financial domination is like "give me your money. And stuff. Yeah, stuff, too. Right now. Or else. Or else what? Or else I won't take your money! And then you'll be sorry!"

This actually works.

O_o I guess it does work -- she got $250 out of the forum.

PS. InnocentBystander/UN Owen, you are a decent writer. The problem is that you are not content to let fiction remain fiction -- you keep wanting to hook people's hearts with your sob stories.

Maybe you should quit the internet for a bit, and get your work to publishers.
posted by ntartifex at 11:16 AM on March 18, 2008

I just spent $150 on a stats book that I will use for one day, because my harebrained professor decided an openbook midterm made more sense than a midterm with a formula sheet, and my previously ingenious plan of sharing textbooks with friends thus fails in face of the need for Z-tables.

Said stats midterm is on Wednesday and I am on Metafilter Tuesday afternoon.

I just received two rejection letters in one day, meaning that the number of options I have for a summer job is now exactly zero.

I am pissed off, dammit, and someone needs to flame out so I can cheer up.
posted by Phire at 12:28 PM on March 18, 2008

I'd just like to say how much I like the chocolate orange sticks from Trader Joe's. They're disgusting, if I think about them -- but so, so delicious.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:15 PM on March 18, 2008

Hi. What did I miss?
posted by danOstuporStar at 1:38 PM on March 18, 2008

For what it's worth, the InnocentBystander account is now officially closed. Didn't hear back from either party in the last week, despite someone definitely hitting the site with the account in the interim. Meh.

Eeeenteresting.

It's really nice out, y'all*. Go outside and walk around!

*This offer valid only where it's nice out. Void where it's shitty.
posted by rtha at 1:42 PM on March 18, 2008

Looking out my window, that comment was CHICAGOIST, rtha. Flagged.
posted by SpiffyRob at 2:17 PM on March 18, 2008

It's effing gorgeous in the Silicon Valley today.
posted by tkolar at 2:24 PM on March 18, 2008

If this thread reaches 2000, I'll kill off my sockpuppets.
posted by drezdn at 2:28 PM on March 18, 2008

Looking out my window, that comment was CHICAGOIST, rtha. Flagged.

Flag YOU, man. I said "void where shitty"! And I love Chicago, but not its weather.

And yeah, tkolar, I don't know where you are, but off 280 near SLAC it's like, perfect. 65 degrees, sunny, little puffy clouds in the sky, the gentle breezes....poppies are blooming, everything's really really green, birds are chirping and nesting and courting.

Spring!
posted by rtha at 2:40 PM on March 18, 2008

MADNESS?!
posted by shmegegge at 2:43 PM on March 18, 2008

danOstuporStar: "Hi. What did I miss?"

What happened to Uranus?
posted by team lowkey at 3:15 PM on March 18, 2008

THIS
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:20 PM on March 18, 2008

I'm down in Santa Clara near Great America. Yeah it's an industrial park, but from my window all I see is trees and blue sky and the occasional fluffy white cloud drifting by.
posted by tkolar at 3:20 PM on March 18, 2008

IS
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:21 PM on March 18, 2008

*chucks ball overhand to shmegegge*
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:21 PM on March 18, 2008

dude, it's for comment 1000. you know how this works, and how often I fuck it up.
posted by shmegegge at 3:24 PM on March 18, 2008

From my window I see the roughly 2' of snow covering the lawn, the massive pile of snow caused by the neighbours across the street asking (paying?) the city snowplough guy to clear a makeshift parking spot on their lawn, leafless skeletal trees, the snirty street, and the slightly less impressive pile of snow and ice that I made while shoveling the roof clear.

Spring? We don't need no steenkin' Spring.
posted by CKmtl at 3:32 PM on March 18, 2008

Since it seems like we're closing in on the ol' Grand, and since I'll be afk at the end, I just want to say thanks to you all, you've been really nifty, and also you are very pretty and that is a nice shirt.

Go strong, team! Live strong! Be strong! You! Can! Go! All! The! Way!
posted by pineapple at 3:34 PM on March 18, 2008

Yeah, but I've been missing milestones all day (mefi post 70000 and usernumber 70000!), so I want to be really really ready for this one.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:34 PM on March 18, 2008

So there's this little basket that sits on a low filing cabinet in front of my cube. This is the Basket of Pure Evil, so named because that's where candy lives. Various workers contribute evil to it. At the moment, it is full of miniature-for-Valentine's-Day Tootsie Pops, which someone put in this morning when I wasn't paying attention.

They are all cherry-flavored.

LobsterMitten - wanna come over and raid the Basket of Pure Evil?
posted by rtha at 3:34 PM on March 18, 2008

rtha said: "LobsterMitten - wanna come over and raid the Basket of Pure Evil?"

Today's winner in the "Sounds Like An Indecent Proposal But Actually Isn't" Competition.
posted by pineapple at 3:35 PM on March 18, 2008

Oh yeah - if by some miracle this hasn't reached 1000 comments by 7pm Pacific tonight, expect contributions from the Metafilter Chorale (or whatever we're calling ourselves), which meets for its first rehearsal tonight.
posted by rtha at 3:37 PM on March 18, 2008

It's too warm outside. The liquorice in my pocket melted.
posted by subbes at 3:41 PM on March 18, 2008

Yeah, but I've been missing milestones all day (mefi post 70000 and usernumber 70000!), so I want to be really really ready for this one.

I just can't help but wonder if there's not a brand new account being born out of the ashes of U.N. Owen and Innocent Bystander, growing and festering and waiting...waiting for it's chance to insinuate itself amongst us once more.
posted by goshling at 4:26 PM on March 18, 2008

If pineapple leaves the thread before comment #1000, konolia wins the thread. Her prize: 1000 beet-flavored Dum Dums.
posted by dw at 4:38 PM on March 18, 2008

rtha: totally would, and would bring my halfbag of chocolate and orange ones to swap you. But wrong side of the country.

Also, you can enjoy the salty licorice because you're not getting any help with it from me. Blargh.

Fave Trader Joes item: their fruit leather, which very disturbingly has the consistency of real leather but is very very tasty. Like, burn your tongue with its fruit acidity tasty.

Furthermore, who says we're quitting after only 1000?
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:40 PM on March 18, 2008

Now to make dinner: black beans and rice with perfectly ripe (fingers crossed) mango.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:42 PM on March 18, 2008

I'm not a big Trader Joe's fan. It's always crowded and doesn't feel like a full-service grocery store. I usually go to Whole Paycheck or the PCC or Met Market.

Oh Larry's, how I miss you.
posted by dw at 4:54 PM on March 18, 2008

Stupid country. So big. And no transporter technology. Where is my transporter technology, dammit!

We had an awesome mango last night: perfectly ripe, buttery, juicy. I could've eaten ten of them.

TJ's has too many things that are delicious for me to choose just one. It's all yummy.
posted by rtha at 4:56 PM on March 18, 2008

Pshaw to your Whole Foods and your Traders Joe. Here in Portland we have the greatest local supermarket chain I've ever experienced.
posted by dersins at 4:58 PM on March 18, 2008

or that cortex is gamely, goofily going along with us.

You're far too trusting.

He's stringing us along, so he can close the thread at 999.

Threadtease.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 5:14 PM on March 18, 2008

black beans and rice

Now, that's the best thing I've heard all day.

*slavers*
posted by languagehat at 5:20 PM on March 18, 2008

SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:20 PM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

And now I want a caipirinha. Why, oh why, did I leave NYC?
posted by languagehat at 5:20 PM on March 18, 2008

DON'T SHOUT IN MY EAR
posted by languagehat at 5:21 PM on March 18, 2008

In other news, I'm pretty sure this is the gayest fabric in the history of fabric, which is saying a lot considering, y'know, fabric.
posted by dersins at 5:24 PM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

I wish I knew how to quit you, Joann's Fabric.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:29 PM on March 18, 2008

Or Fabric Depot, speaking of awesome Portland retail establishments.
posted by dersins at 5:35 PM on March 18, 2008

He's stringing us along, so he can close the thread at 999.

That would move my level of respect for him from 'better than indifferent' to 'full-blown hero worship'.
posted by quin at 5:40 PM on March 18, 2008

Beans rice and mango, fruit leather, beets, gay cowboy fabric, islamofacist Martian vikings and salt licorice.

I want to live in this thread forever.
posted by Dr. Curare at 5:49 PM on March 18, 2008

Oh, hey, we forgot to talk about The Jews.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:00 PM on March 18, 2008

burhanistan: strips on the side. Mmmmmm....

languagehat: caipirinha sounds like a fried South American rodent served on a stick. Am I right?

dersins: holy hell. where did that come from? does this have to do with W.H. Auden?

Also, Wegmans is better than Trader Joes, but the Trader Joe's fruit leather is an experience unto itself.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:01 PM on March 18, 2008

I heard the Jews like velcro instead of shoelaces.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:03 PM on March 18, 2008

Trader Joe's is the Aldi's of organic food retailers. There I said it.
posted by drezdn at 6:03 PM on March 18, 2008

16 comments to go! Come on people! I don't want to miss this when I am driving home from work!
posted by mrzarquon at 6:33 PM on March 18, 2008

.
posted by desuetude at 6:38 PM on March 18, 2008

That's just given me incentive not to post.
posted by subbes at 6:39 PM on March 18, 2008

ok, I am now going home, all of you folks hiding so you can hit 1000 when I am not looking; can post now.

I mean it.

I'm leaving this very moment.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:42 PM on March 18, 2008

Its
posted by yhbc at 6:44 PM on March 18, 2008

an
posted by yhbc at 6:44 PM on March 18, 2008

old
posted by yhbc at 6:44 PM on March 18, 2008

joke
posted by yhbc at 6:44 PM on March 18, 2008

but
posted by yhbc at 6:45 PM on March 18, 2008

I see you, peeking out from behind the door.
posted by subbes at 6:45 PM on March 18, 2008

so
posted by yhbc at 6:45 PM on March 18, 2008

am
posted by yhbc at 6:45 PM on March 18, 2008

I.
posted by yhbc at 6:45 PM on March 18, 2008

Happy
posted by yhbc at 6:46 PM on March 18, 2008

mrzarquon is on his way home now! Will he make it in time?

The suspense is *killing* me.
posted by goshling at 6:46 PM on March 18, 2008

(Wait for it!)
posted by yhbc at 6:46 PM on March 18, 2008

1000!!!
posted by yhbc at 6:46 PM on March 18, 2008

Do I at least get 1001?
posted by subbes at 6:47 PM on March 18, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 PM on March 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

Curse you all!

I was this || close to trying to post from my iphone, but this page takes forever to load over edge.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:17 PM on March 18, 2008

sparta!
posted by shmegegge at 7:31 PM on March 18, 2008

This will not be over quick. You will not enjoy it. I am not AskMe.
posted by Phire at 8:13 PM on March 18, 2008

I just had wine with an astronomer and a biologist who didn't know who Arthur C. Clarke was. What kind of world is this?!
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:14 PM on March 18, 2008

mrzarquon said: "Curse you all!

I was this || close to trying to post from my iphone, but this page takes forever to load over edge."

omg yes. And scrolling big threads = also a beating. Note to self: next pony request, ask if Mobile Mefi can be paginated, or at least have a link up top next to "skip to main content" that reads "skip to comment box" or "skip to last unread" or "skip to bottom."
posted by pineapple at 8:15 PM on March 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

Seriously. Do I have to read it?

Ok, then just tell me this: were there sugarpubes?
posted by danOstuporStar at 8:31 PM on March 18, 2008

Hi gang, whatcha doing in he.... OMIGOD!!!!!
posted by wendell at 8:55 PM on March 18, 2008

I'd just like to say how much I like the chocolate orange sticks from Trader Joe's. They're disgusting, if I think about them -- but so, so delicious.

I can easily plow through a whole container of those in a sitting. Of course, I want to puke afterwards, but it was yummy getting there.

Also, cherry flavoured candy is an abomination unto Buddha. It tastes like cough syrup. *gag*
posted by deborah at 9:00 PM on March 18, 2008

Well, dang, y'all! Congrats, yhbc!

Just so you know, the first rehearsal of the do-re-me-fi chorus went really well. We're looking forward to performing at the 10th anniversary metafilter meetup. And yes, we made "your favorite chorus sucks" jokes.
posted by rtha at 10:46 PM on March 18, 2008

. . . I apologise if this creative approach blurs my questions.

Meaning will tend to explode occasionally.
posted by Skot at 11:15 PM on March 18, 2008

Come on only 986 to go, don't give up now.
posted by Tenuki at 5:11 AM on March 19, 2008

Well done, yhbc! A man after my own heart.

chocolate orange sticks

No, I think not.
posted by languagehat at 6:21 AM on March 19, 2008

I - that is the I who was stupid enough to use her real name when joining metafilter - put this painfully almost-ignored joke in the recent thread about "Hyperthymesia, a condition where the affected person has incredible recall of the most trivial events in his/her life".

I timidly thought my joke was perfectly on topic, brought a "light touch" to the discussion of neurological oddities and had, maybe, a certain surreal chocolate orange stick flavor. (Others could use use the mod endorsed free space to showcase their own cruelly overlooked darlings?)

So here's my great hyperthymesia rib tickler again:

Tourist visiting way out west is introduced to an Indian Chief by a guide.

Guide says: "This Indian chief is amazing. Ask him any question - no matter how dumb - about anything he did any day in his life and he can answer it in a flash."

Tourist thinks for a bit and says: "Okay, Indian Chief - what did you eat for breakfast 19 years ago today?"

Indian hardly pauses before answering "Eggs!".

Tourist stalks off - disgusted. Tells the guide "Gee, he could just be making that up for all I know. Whatever..."

TWENTY YEARS LATER.

Tourist is revisiting places he's been and spots an ancient Indian Chief sitting outside a store. Remembering stuff from cowboy movies, and feeling a bit foolish, tourist raises one palm to the Chief and says politely "How, Chief!!"

Indian hardly pauses before answering: "Scrambled!"

posted by Jody Tresidder Yesterday [1 favorite +]
posted by Jody Tresidder at 9:04 AM on March 19, 2008 [4 favorites]

I enjoyed that joke so much I went to the trouble of finding the MeFi thread and favoriting your comment. So don't ever feel your participation in this thread has been fruitless.
posted by languagehat at 9:37 AM on March 19, 2008

ditto LH. now you have three favourites! :D
posted by Phire at 9:42 AM on March 19, 2008

But what i don't get is why did the conductor answer "No, the 5:30."
posted by drezdn at 9:54 AM on March 19, 2008

drezdn, that's when the radio soap arrives.

Same as in town.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:04 AM on March 19, 2008

... in drizzly NY a woman suddenly beams at her screen...
xxxxxxxx
posted by Jody Tresidder at 10:20 AM on March 19, 2008

Jody, that's adorable.
posted by Phire at 10:25 AM on March 19, 2008

It's drizzly here in the Pioneer Valley too, and I'm goddam sick of it.

I blame cortex. Him and his ~~wizard hat~~ black trench coat.
posted by languagehat at 12:37 PM on March 19, 2008

Last night was rainy and windy. Normally I have an outdoors get-together on Tuesdays, but I skipped it.

Instead, I stayed home and worked on a craft project. And injured my hand pretty badly in the process. Moral: I should go out in the rain more often to avoid injury.

Today the weather is beautiful, so I'm staying inside.
posted by adamrice at 1:34 PM on March 19, 2008

languagehat, for some reason I never remember that you're a Happy Valley denizen. For some reason, I always imagine you in Chicago. I have no idea why. Say hello to the Valley for me - I lived there (Northampton) for a couple of years a while back, and I have very fond memories of it.

Weather report for here: cooler than yesterday, but sunny, with a few clouds. It's breezy, so all the cherry blossoms (yes, the trees are in full bloom) are floating around like pink and white snow.

Jody - I like the joke, too.
posted by rtha at 1:39 PM on March 19, 2008

After 3-4 days of near-zero or above-zero weather, it's SNOWING again. Fucking Canadian Winter! I am so moving to Australia.
posted by Phire at 1:44 PM on March 19, 2008

I only visited Chicago once, in the summer of 1987 (baseball trip—I fell madly in love with Wrigley Field, where I could talk to Bill Robinson, the Mets' first-base coach, practically in a normal voice from where I was sitting, and Old Comiskey was pretty great, too, especially the old-style urinals), but I liked it a lot even though I arrived in the middle of a rainstorm so bad the airport was closed and I missed the first game I had a ticket for. Biggest surprise: great Mexican food!
posted by languagehat at 1:46 PM on March 19, 2008

I went to first grade at Happy Valley Elementary, but it's a different Happy Valley.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:24 PM on March 19, 2008

I'm sensing a certain lack of commitment here. Sure, it's fun and sexy to "get to a thousand," but the real MeFites are in it for the long haul. The horizon beckons, people. Are you MeFite enough to take the longboat out to meet it?
posted by languagehat at 5:20 PM on March 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

For you Canadians: An Open Letter to Mother Nature. Dear Bitch, Are you for real?
posted by stefanie at 5:23 PM on March 19, 2008

The way things have been going recently, people are going to start suggesting that participating in a longboat should result in an auto-ban.

Wir verbieten auf der Auto-ban.
Wir verbieten auf der Auto-ban.
posted by grouse at 5:28 PM on March 19, 2008

drezdn - But what i don't get is why did the conductor answer "No, the 5:30."
Oh boy! did you mess up that punchline. It was the station agent and it was the 5:15.
posted by tellurian at 5:34 PM on March 19, 2008

The way things have been going recently, people are going to start suggesting that participating in a longboat should result in an auto-ban.

Well, it should.

Either that or in a gift of a totem kitty.
posted by dersins at 5:37 PM on March 19, 2008

            Iam  the op  erat  or  of  mypoc ket cal culat or

posted by cortex (staff) at 5:39 PM on March 19, 2008

I'm sensing a certain lack of commitment here. Sure, it's fun and sexy to "get to a thousand," but the real MeFites are in it for the long haul. The horizon beckons, people. Are you MeFite enough to take the longboat out to meet it?

Hey, I'm back again.

I visted NoHo and the valley often. I don't remember much of it, since it involved trips around hampshire parties, but it was a very pretty place.

Someday I wish to visit and sleep in a real bed while doing so!
posted by mrzarquon at 6:39 PM on March 19, 2008

cortex, you interest me strangely.

I just saw "In Bruges". Not good, and I'm having trouble putting my finger on why. Is Colin Farrell just not a good actor? Was it the trying to have it both ways (black comedy; serious movie about honor among thieves and redemption...)? Was it the score?

Any thoughts?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:37 PM on March 19, 2008

Is Colin Farrell just not a good actor?

It's the eyebrows. I can't get past them.

(I actually liked the movie more than it sounds like you did, but I did think it was flawed -- definitely trying to have it several ways; on top of being a black comedy and serious movie about honor among thieves, it had that slightly surreal/grotesque Lynchian filter over everything. Maybe a movie can work if it plays at being two things, but not three.)
posted by scody at 7:46 PM on March 19, 2008

Yeah, I agree that the eyebrows (while charming and expressive in still pictures) are a little much in action. And that there's a weirdly early-90s quality to the David Lynchey quirky stuff (a racist dwarf with horse tranquilizers! skull masks! hookers!). And then a fourth layer, [SPOILERS SPOILERS ] the really graphic gorey, everybody dies on screen with gouts of blood and exploding heads stuff. [END SPOILERS]

Very odd, because the whole thing was competent, but somehow it didn't add up to a good movie. I gather the director is a playwright mainly, so maybe that's it. Love Brendan Gleeson, though.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:35 PM on March 19, 2008

It's the eyebrows. I can't get past them.

Insofar as they are literally an obstruction, yes.

Fun fact: Zepplin's lyric, "if there's a bustle in your hedgerow", was actually a prescient evocation of COLIN FARRELL FROWNING.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:40 PM on March 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

Black caterpillars
Young and anxious to be loved
Leaping and dancing
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:01 PM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

My favorite--by which I mean "most confusing"-- example of Colin Farrell's acting "business" is at the very end of this clip from Minority Report. To express his displeasure that Tom Cruise is getting away from him, he grits his teeth and punches his own palm. I always like to imagine that he got the idea for doing this by imagining what Mimi Rogers or Nicole Kidman would do in the scene.
posted by Skot at 11:56 PM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

I lived half my life in the San Fernando Valley, or as LosAngelenos call it "THE Valley." It was definitely not happy.

cortex,
You
are
a
mod
er
a
tor
of
the
Me
ta
Fil
ter.

La
ter!
posted by wendell at 4:46 AM on March 20, 2008

Lobstermitten---
I agree wholeheartedly with your take on "In Bruges", but must add that the young girl (whose name escapes me) was delightfully unmannered and cute as a button.
posted by Dizzy at 6:41 AM on March 20, 2008

When I was in grade five, we had a compulsory talent show at school camp. My two friends and I acted out that Indian joke Jody told upthread. I'm pretty sure nobody in the audience got the joke - the act was a little out of place, most kids having chosen to get a group together and dance to a pop song (Gangsters Paradise, I saw the Sign, and one genuinely funny ABBA adaptation).
posted by jacalata at 10:02 AM on March 20, 2008

Speaking of ABBA, I was delighted to see this variation on The Dot posted to the recent obit thread:

A B . A

Sublime. I've (along with at least a couple other people) previously flirted with some groundwork on the history/timeline of The Dot, but I'd still love to see a real close examination of it, its development over time and the development of reactions to it.

But it's hard to canvas the db for comments "about" something in detail—I can venture it'd be possible to set up a "report odd placement of '.' characters" seive that would help me find (among no doubt a lot of unrelated noise) comments that use a "." in an unusual, not-just-a-dot-on-a-line-by-itself way, but that still doesn't help with (a) comments about the dot or (b) non-'.' variations on the dot.

Maybe I should harness the backtaggers once they've wrapped that up.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:15 AM on March 20, 2008

I think you could do a series of queries to limit first to the obitfilter posts, and then for non alpha numeric characters existing before and after a '.'

you could actually filter for any ascii art (including the Roy Scheider obit thread, with the shark ones) looking for any string of non alpha numeric characters over 2 characters in length. That should give you a pretty sizable chunk of great '.' uses.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:12 AM on March 20, 2008

Speaking of ABBA, I was delighted to see this variation on The Dot posted to the recent obit thread:

A B . A

My first reaction was like yours. And then I realized that that's not who that B is. Still clever, but diminished slightly.

Regarding In Bruges -- hey, for a popcorn movie, it was fun. I say this as someone who watches very, very few mainstream-cineplex movies, though. And it was no-where near as good as Six-Shooter.
posted by desuetude at 3:26 PM on March 20, 2008

Speaking of ABBA, I was delighted to see this variation on The Dot posted to the recent obit thread:

A B . A

Sublime. I've (along with at least a couple other people) previously flirted with some groundwork on the history/timeline of The Dot, but I'd still love to see a real close examination of it, its development over time and the development of reactions to it.

Sublime? Fuck that, I hate that sort of thing with a goddamn passion, particularly on mornings like this one, when I've woken up 90 minutes early because I rolled over and misread my stupid, stupid alarm clock and thought it was later. Half-clever dipshits who post '!' or ';' or whatfuckingever because they're uncomfortable with expressing a moment of respectful silence are the same kind of crass look-at-me losers who would bring a whoopee cushion to a funeral. Of course, this kneejerk dot shit gets on my nerves too, nowadays. Herd behaviour.

I just want to fucking slap everybody this morning, I think.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:36 PM on March 20, 2008

Which is funny, because I really like Sublime's studio releases but when one of the many lo-fi live recordings I got from a friend (and which I should, clearly, remove from my iPod at this point) comes up on shuffle, I want to dig Bradley Nowell up and slap him. Gack. Unlistenable stuff. High school musician stuff.

Really, I agree on one level with the objection to people mocking the idea of respectful silence, but delight on a separate and unrelated level in the inventiveness combined with such a minimalist starting point as a single fullstop. (Whatever the motive—and in the case of the Abba thread, I don't think there was any clear indication of mockery or malice intended.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:46 PM on March 20, 2008

I wanna know, Agnetha am I the only one, tell me?
And she said, "You're not the only one, but you're the best, Benny"
...BA! BA!

(I think Bradley's posthumous ruling on the dot or the B is clear. ...Grievin' is not a dot, he said remember that.)

/me lived in the same dormroom as Bradley Nowell, if the rumors are true, and got way too large a dose.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:01 PM on March 20, 2008

*timidly offers a cookie to a cranky stavros*

but if you'd rather have coffee or some gin or a hug, those can probably be arranged....although not by me, what with you being waaaaay over there and me being over here
posted by rtha at 4:02 PM on March 20, 2008

*enjoys cookie, decrankifies as blood-sugar levels stabilize*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:17 PM on March 20, 2008

IMDB informs me that the girlfriend in In Bruges is Fleur Delacour from the Harry Potter movies! She's a total cutie (hardly a young girl, she's 25), and she did a good job. I'm not a real fan of the "oh you bad boy, with the ultraviolence, giggle, come back to my place" kind of trope in general, though.

I like the star field obit ASCII in the Arthur C Clarke thread.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:32 PM on March 20, 2008

rtha: This thread has now reached the point where I have to turn off greasemonkey to get it load in less than a light year.
If Mefi Navigator is the problem, try downloading the most recent version. It's many times faster than the original. On this thread, my ancient laptop only takes about 3 seconds to run it, and it runs instantaneously on the average thread.
posted by matthewr at 8:48 PM on March 20, 2008 [2 favorites]

matthewr, if I could fit a Tootsie Pop in the flavor of your choosing through the intertubes, I would send you a dozen. Thank you!
posted by rtha at 9:26 PM on March 20, 2008

You know what's hard to find these days? Chiclets.

I miss chiclets.
posted by drezdn at 6:58 AM on March 21, 2008

I don't know how many time I've told those boys, never call chiclets broadlets.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:06 AM on March 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

I so totally hate people this morning. Except for you guys.

I got off the freeway at the exit for my work a little while ago. The road to my office is a pretty fast street, but traffic is heavy in the a.m. (it's all offices around here), so the mph is usually not too speedy. But I looked in my rearview mirror and saw this huge pickup truck practically on top of me, and I tapped the brakes a couple of times to tell the driver to back off.

She did. But I'm not sure it was because she saw my brake lights. Because she was looking in her mirror, putting on her eye makeup.

We both pulled into the same office park; she went into one parking lot, and I went into another, and I watched her park and go into her building. I wrote her a note and stuck it under her wiper.

It said: Thank you for not rear-ending me while you were putting on your eye makeup!

People are assholes. Except for you guys. (Usually.)

But it's friday and it's bagel day and with any luck my boss will kick me out early, it's been so slow around here.
posted by rtha at 8:29 AM on March 21, 2008

Hey, that was me in that truck. And you drive like someone's grandmother.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:40 AM on March 21, 2008

I don't know how many time I've told those boys, never call chiclets broadlets.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
posted by cog_nate at 8:47 AM on March 21, 2008

cortex, put that damn mascara wand down, at least while you're driving.

And if I'd known it was you, I would've done a lot worse than leave a note on your truck!

Bagels have arrived and so I'm not feeling quite as hateful.
posted by rtha at 9:44 AM on March 21, 2008

Hey guys, I have a friend visiting from out of town, and im wondering if I should take her to either A) the brunch place i've been before, which is quite good, or if B) I should go to the one I have heard is really good, but have not been before, and also extremely well known for its tasty desserts.

Any suggestions?
posted by mrzarquon at 9:48 AM on March 21, 2008

It's the second day of spring in Seattle and it's 38F. I know all you colder-climed people would laugh at that, but 38 in Seattle at the end of March is friggin' COLD.

It's supposed to be in the 50s! The daffodils are in bloom! The cherries are budding! And it's cold here. Sigh.
posted by dw at 9:49 AM on March 21, 2008

It is snowing like a mutha here in Chicago - at the live passion play in Pilsen, Jesus is carrying his cross through blizzard like conditions. Is this a sign of the apocalypse?

And if it is the end of the world as we know it, mrzarquon - I would go for the tasty desserts
posted by readery at 10:55 AM on March 21, 2008

That's the worst fucking hotel concept I've ever seen, and if you make a post of it you should be first shot, then drawn, then quartered, then banned, then hanged.

Note: I have not actually investigated the hotel concept. But it needed to be said.
posted by languagehat at 11:18 AM on March 21, 2008

Thank you, Burhanistan. You have put all my problems in their place. My new mantra: "At least I'm not sleeping in an underwater hotel in China."
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:23 PM on March 21, 2008

Actually, I think that hotel looks cool as hell. That second pic in the article is beautiful. Now, in place.. I dunno. maybe it'd just seem like you were in a hole in the ground. But I'm quite impressed by the concept.

And I say, mrzarquon, ask the friend which they'd prefer. Safe or risky. Unless it's a date friend, in which case, take the safe one if it's a new relationship, the riskier one if you're further along.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 12:35 PM on March 21, 2008

Burhanistan, you will have more luck if you lazily poke around youtube for that scene from Peewee's Big Adventure.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:41 PM on March 21, 2008

Burhanistan, do you know what a plethora is?
posted by shmegegge at 12:47 PM on March 21, 2008

Wow, that is a great hole in the ground. I wouldn't mind staying there actually, because i've always wanted to stay in an underwater hotel, ever since i read about this place when I was a kid. My mother was an editor for "America's little inns and bed and breakfasts" so I always wanted to convince her to get us a free stay there. Of course, I was terrified of deep water as a child, but I offered to brave my fear of sharks to stay there. Also, the owner of the book had the amazing foresight to register "inns.com" as their domain back in early '90s, which she sold for a small fortune during the dotcom boom.

To update, we went to B&O espresso, which is a great place. I had the thai crab cake eggs benedict, and she had the 'crunchy' french toast (french toast with panko breadcrumbs and sugar). It was quite the breakfast.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:55 PM on March 21, 2008

My friend and her 1.5 year old daughter just came over, and you know what is completely brain-meltingly cute? A 1.5 year old, who is scared of you at first, but then warms up to you, and wants to hold your hand while she walks down the sidewalk, and then is sad when she and her mom have to leave. I'm a little dazed.

Also I now realize it's been much too long since I've seen the Three Amigos. So renting it for movie night soon. See that plane up there? It's a mail plane.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:02 PM on March 21, 2008

LobsterMitten, I have essentially the same experience with small children on a regular basis, except for the "at first, but then warms up to you, and wants to hold your hand while she walks down the sidewalk, and then is sad when she and her mom have to leave." part.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:09 PM on March 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Dude, I'm 26, and I'm scared of you.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:16 PM on March 21, 2008

IZZUMS YOU JUST THE DUTCHEST LITTLE THING YES YOU IS YES YOU IIIIISSSS ow ow leggo the nose i'm sorry just ow quiddit ow ow
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:31 PM on March 21, 2008

cortex: maybe they've seen that picture of you with the donut and they think you're going to do a Cronus on them.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:36 PM on March 21, 2008

*suckles, naps*
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:11 PM on March 21, 2008

cortex, I have essentially the same experience with small children on a regular basis, except for the "she and her mom" part. It's she and your mom.
posted by matthewr at 3:35 PM on March 21, 2008

oh no you just did NOT
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:43 PM on March 21, 2008

Heeheehee.

All my maternal instincts seem to have been transferred over to cats of all shapes and sizes despite being allergic to them and predisposed being bitten and clawed somewhat painfully by most cats that I encounter. Maybe if I had the same patience and adoration for little kids, they'd be less scared of me. (No really, my sister's then 6-year old friend told her I looked angry.)

But lookit t3h kitteh!
posted by Phire at 4:17 PM on March 21, 2008

oh no you just did NOT

Well, everyone else did. I don't she why matthewr shouldn't, too.
posted by dersins at 4:40 PM on March 21, 2008

All my maternal instincts seem to have been transferred over to cats

I have thirty pounds of cat and yet I still have spare maternal instinct, which finds its way into compulsive food-preparation for grown men, in the most frustratingly ironic subversion of child-bearing duties ever.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:42 PM on March 21, 2008

Child-bearing duties? Totally overrated. I think about the rapidly dividing growth and I think "tumour zomg".

[/five years old]

But y'know, YMMV. M'totally fine with other people having kids. Just leave me alone in my apathy.

There. Controversial topic. 1500, here we come.
posted by Phire at 4:45 PM on March 21, 2008

I'm still in.

I wish there was a Greasemonkey script that would put the comment number in tiny text behind all the other Greasemonkey stuff I'm running.

Also I wish I had a cup of tea.

And, I'm embarrassed that I still laugh at variations on "your mom" jokes.
posted by pineapple at 6:08 PM on March 21, 2008

Comment number as in 525345? What would you use that for?
posted by matthewr at 6:16 PM on March 21, 2008

Oh, ah, I guess you mean the number of comments in the thread.
posted by matthewr at 6:17 PM on March 21, 2008

If I keep misunderstanding things, we'll get to 1500 in no time at all. 1092
posted by matthewr at 6:18 PM on March 21, 2008

I can't believe I'm getting away with spamming at Metafilter. *awe*
posted by Phire at 6:59 PM on March 21, 2008

matthewr said: "If I keep misunderstanding things, we'll get to 1500 in no time at all. 1092"

No, matthewr, I think you understand me just fine. 1094
posted by pineapple at 8:18 PM on March 21, 2008

I'd like to interject here and just say... ***faarrrrrt***

Also, welcome back burhan!
posted by not_on_display at 8:32 PM on March 21, 2008

And then after that, I imagine 1234.

Though I personally would pay $5 to get the 1337th post. Just sayin'.
posted by Phire at 8:35 PM on March 21, 2008

Hm. Thought process just now:

"Also, welcome back burhan!" ===>

Was Burhanistan gone? ===>

Was there another cool flameout MeTa that I missed? ===>

Hm. I don't think there was... so it was probably just a normal break for real-life reasons. Or, he was out of town or something. ===>

I wish there was a list that someone kept of the publicly stated Whuuuuuuu?s, along with the self-imposed hiatuses. ===>

Hiatusi? ===>

No more sake for me tonight.
posted by pineapple at 9:32 PM on March 21, 2008

1100!
posted by matthewr at 9:34 PM on March 21, 2008

I want sake. Can I have sake?
posted by Phire at 9:39 PM on March 21, 2008

Goodness' sake?
posted by yhbc at 9:52 PM on March 21, 2008

Anybody want to guess how many fingers I'm holding up?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:48 PM on March 21, 2008

Well, since you were typing while you... typed that comment... and since I tend to make the assumption that people type properly with fingers on home row and all that, I shall say 0.

What do I win?

(Also, the internets has corrupted me. I see Easter, and think Zombie Jesus. *roasts in hell*)
posted by Phire at 10:51 PM on March 21, 2008

Mittens got fingers?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:02 AM on March 22, 2008

Pull my finger
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:30 AM on March 22, 2008

*pulls*
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:14 AM on March 22, 2008

The "ll" therein was an homage to same. And to the WTC.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:46 AM on March 22, 2008

m|n

Kittens vs Mittens.

Smoking Mittens?

Hurray!
posted by mrzarquon at 10:53 AM on March 22, 2008

Easter Bunny Party!
posted by mrzarquon at 10:56 AM on March 22, 2008

Easter Bunny died for your sins.
posted by languagehat at 11:01 AM on March 22, 2008

The Easter Bunny's dead?

*cries*
posted by rtha at 11:18 AM on March 22, 2008

.

=!!=
posted by mrzarquon at 12:37 PM on March 22, 2008

I'm done napping. Did I miss anything?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:51 PM on March 22, 2008

I just returned from a Beer Festival!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

All I can say is look out for the Rogue Bourbon Cherry Cask Ale. That stuff is delicious.

Also, Red Hook is going back to its roots, with it's MC Hammer IPA.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:46 PM on March 22, 2008

Phire, you win Unquantifiable Prestige! If you wish, you can make a little badge to wear around town that says "I was right about the fingers". I'm guessing you'll make new friends.

In other news, why have I waited this long to begin my huge horrifying stack of papers to mark? Who has a good riddle to console me?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:28 PM on March 22, 2008

Also, practical question: my work computer is a Mac desktop machine that has a one-button mouse. It's running OS 10.2.8, and I'm using Firefox. Anybody know if/how I can make links open in new tabs?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:31 PM on March 22, 2008

Hold down the command key (the one with the apple logo on it) while clicking on the link.

Also, what's brown and sticky?
posted by tkolar at 8:39 PM on March 22, 2008

tkolar: thank you! quality of life: improved.

A rat dipped in honey?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:52 PM on March 22, 2008

Also, what's brown and sticky?

a stick!

Next you'll be asking why 6 was afraid of 7 (why yes, I do hang around little kids)
posted by stefanie at 8:53 PM on March 22, 2008

Big D=Dallas?

I never before wanted to go to Texas. Until I started birding. Now, all kinds of unlikely places look nearly irresistible to me: the Brownsville Dump (Texas); bits of Nebraska (whooping cranes!); Duluth (excellent raptor migration spot). Who knew?

Contraption and Ambrosia Voyeur just left our house. We had beers and some leftover Indian pizza and talked about yellow, and grad school, and first jobs. And the Magnetic Fields. And stuff.

Looking forward to the meetup tomorrow. The weather's been unreasonable gorgeous - we spent much of the afternoon at Ocean Beach, along with half the city (the other half was probably naked at Baker Beach) - and I hope for a repeat for tomorrow's outdoor meetup and bigwheel rally.
posted by rtha at 9:05 PM on March 22, 2008

Big D
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:44 PM on March 22, 2008

Big D = Detroit? Duluth? (largest port on Lake Superior. My husband, who is totally odd, entertained a dream of honeymooning in Duluth.) Dhaka? Doha? Dubai?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:22 PM on March 22, 2008

And, the correct answer to how can I get the most out of my canoe? is "with a bailer made of a empty bleach bottle". Observe my restraint in not saying that in Ask.

rtha, what's on Indian pizza?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:27 PM on March 22, 2008

Indian pizza is one of the most delicious things ever.

It's Indian food. On pizza.

nom nom nom nom nom
posted by rtha at 10:34 PM on March 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm seriously craving Pho. I wonder if the soup stock I bought is any good.

ALSO. Unquantifiable Prestige?! I've always wanted one of those!! *Loves and cherishes*
posted by Phire at 10:56 PM on March 22, 2008

Aw, rtha, that sounded like fun. For some reason the Ottawa meetups I've been to never seemed to quite take off. I'd love to make plans to head on to the States for MeFi's anniversary meetup, but y'know, poor student etc. Sigh.
posted by Phire at 10:57 PM on March 22, 2008

Христос воскрес, everybody!
posted by matthewr at 2:53 PM on March 23, 2008

Come over here and say that to my face!
posted by Phire at 3:35 PM on March 23, 2008

Воистину воскрес!
posted by languagehat at 5:13 PM on March 23, 2008

I want Indian pizza. Oh my yes.

In the ongoing saga of teh starlings: today we put up a plastic mesh barrier over the vent. Tonight, angry starlings dive-bombing the plastic mesh. I cackle in vindictive glee, but will I reap the whirlwind when their eggs or whatever start to stink? Stay tuned....

Dallas. I'm hearing the themesong now. Other cities that have theme songs?
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:49 PM on March 23, 2008

^ lobstermitten: cities in song titles -- not necessarily theme songs. [via]
posted by not_on_display at 7:36 PM on March 23, 2008

Dude, this is chatfilter. How are we gonna get to 2K if you just answer a chatfiltery question with a helpful link? No, no, no. What we need is a long list of single-line comments naming one song per city. And then flaming fights over what really counts as the theme song.

Or have you never, you know, *done* chatfilter before?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:18 PM on March 23, 2008

Canonical generalised answer: Theme for Great Cities, Simple Minds.
posted by matthewr at 8:26 PM on March 23, 2008

^ lobster: How are we gonna get to 2K if you just answer a chatfiltery question with a helpful link?

This is how. [via ordinarypeoplecanwin]

Or have you never, you know, *done* chatfilter before?

i have *never* done
chatfilter until right now.
are haikus ok?
posted by not_on_display at 8:40 PM on March 23, 2008

songs for cities! hmmm.
"Mexico" by James Taylor.
...wait... that's a country.
posted by not_on_display at 8:43 PM on March 23, 2008

Oh wait! I got one!
That song that goes, "dum duh dum,"
I forget the name.
posted by not_on_display at 8:44 PM on March 23, 2008

Mexico, Peru,
Geneva, Troy, Syracuse,
Rome: towns in New York
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:49 PM on March 23, 2008

OK, really now:
"My Humps"* by Black Eyed Peas.
Ohhhh... you said "CITies"

*with translation
posted by not_on_display at 8:50 PM on March 23, 2008

yes, an asterisk counts as a syllable.
posted by not_on_display at 8:52 PM on March 23, 2008

cheating, N_O_D?
of all these pathetic memes
you fail at haiku

(apologies. it's late, I'm doing econ, and cranky.)
posted by Phire at 12:19 AM on March 24, 2008

I'm a cranky pants:
Economics homework sucks.
My apologies.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:06 AM on March 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

No apologies.
Honor gets what honor needs:
broadswords at daybreak.
posted by languagehat at 7:27 AM on March 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Athens, Aberdeen
Canadian, Odessa
Dublin: Texas towns

Happy, Looneyville
Art, Pep, Bug Tussle
Dime Box. Yup, Texas.
posted by adamrice at 7:51 AM on March 24, 2008

Paris, Italy,
Amsterdam: also Texas.
And, Old Dime Box, too.
posted by pineapple at 7:54 AM on March 24, 2008

Nixon, Dexter, Fox;
Phoenix, Olex, Oxbow Dam;
X-towns: Oregon.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:11 AM on March 24, 2008

Dixonville, Three Lynx?
Stewart Lennox Addition?
Yes, that's my state too.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:11 AM on March 24, 2008

Annex, Lexington!
Buxton, Sixes, Six Corners!
Helix! Cortex? No.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:12 AM on March 24, 2008

Want a wicked coif?
Try Cortex Hair Studio
in the ATL.
posted by not_on_display at 9:13 AM on March 24, 2008

^I fail at haiku?
Phire, my brother: in Russia,
Haiku fail at me.
posted by not_on_display at 9:26 AM on March 24, 2008

~~brother~~ comrade.
posted by not_on_display at 10:40 AM on March 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

gloucester worcester hull
peabody framingham lynn...
where's building 19?
posted by not_on_display at 10:42 AM on March 24, 2008

Time, Take Me Back To,
I'm Twenty Four Hours From,
Turnaround, County
posted by dw at 11:20 AM on March 24, 2008

Bluest skies ever
He saw were in Seattle?
PERRY COMO LIES!
posted by dw at 11:24 AM on March 24, 2008

/me completely ignores question, posts youtube link of wrong answer that somehow manages to be self-serving and bloggy.

Oh hell yes I've done chatfilter before.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:19 PM on March 24, 2008

Is there a word that encapsulates all of the following: the goosebumps-of-horror one gets when listening to someone completely butcher a song, the urge to laugh and weep at the same time, and low-grade nausea?

'Cuz this is making me feel [that word].
posted by CKmtl at 4:18 PM on March 24, 2008

CKmtl, I call that The Funny Feeling. The best way I describe it (if we're talking about the same thing) is "being mortally embarrassed for someone who apparently doesn't have the self-awareness to be embarrassed for themselves."
posted by pineapple at 4:52 PM on March 24, 2008

Okay, since you QUITTERS have clearly QUIT, I'll just take this opportunity to wonder into the abyss whether people actually favorite Mathowie because they think that there was something particularly awesome about what he said? Or because he is Matt Haughey, the God of MetaFilter, the ruler of our worlds.

Don't get me wrong, I think he says cool things... it's just that it feels sort of... I guess "off" is the word... to me when Matt tosses off something relatively benign and of course it gets favorited.

Also, I'm feeling sort of curmudgeonly today, so it could be that.
posted by pineapple at 12:08 PM on March 25, 2008

If anything, I think I favorite mathowie less because I am afraid of seeming like a simpering sycophant. But he does often say cool things, so that's unfair of me. I shall reform from this day onward.
posted by Miko at 12:32 PM on March 25, 2008

I do it because of clause 23.b of my employment contract.

More seriously, I suppose there's an element of that Ruler Of Our Worlds going on, in a couple different wasy—that Matt is #1 might lead to people find him saying something extra amusing in that context; or, more neutrally, they might favorite some of the things he says as being precedential in a way that is kind of unique to adminhood or the more rarified Matthood. He gets to make the calls, and sometimes folks like to remember the calls.

I've definitely seen relatively benign policy opinions/restatements from me and from Jessamyn get favorites despite being not very amusing or anything, which I have to presume is part of that same latter deal.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:36 PM on March 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

It liiiiives!!

In other news, there is a tour group of prospective undergrads walking outside my door right now, looking as if I am a zoo animal while the tour guide says "professors here keep their doors open so that you can go and talk with them when you have questions" etc. But the damn students who have appointments with me right now are not here.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:42 PM on March 25, 2008

But also spring is here and I have my window open to the cool cool breezes for the first time in many months.

I usually favorite something of mathowie's if he said something that has practical implications (here's how to use the new search function, here's why you should use the contact form, etc).

With anybody, when I favorite a one-liner that has no implications, it's completely on a whim. For example Brandon Blatcher made a comment about cortex's glossy coat that made me laugh (the phrase "glossy coat" is instant comedy), but I didn't favorite it today, where on another day I might have.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:46 PM on March 25, 2008

Yeah, cortex's glossy coat was funny.

Additionally, since I'm already outed as a curmudgeon today, I hate the body-fluid hyperbole. "Laughed so hard a little pee came out." "So gross I just threw up in my mouth a little." Haaaaaaate. Diiiiiiiie.

Sigh. I'm sorry, y'all. I have a serious case of the Mondays.
posted by pineapple at 1:01 PM on March 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh crap, please tell me it's Tuesday. I had enough disappointment earlier when I found out it wasn't Wednesday.
posted by danOstuporStar at 1:07 PM on March 25, 2008

Well, vomit is really more of an hybrid aggregate of mostly pre-digestive external materials, and in that sense is neither bodily nor fluid, per se. But, regardless: word.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:07 PM on March 25, 2008

What if you favorite something so hard a little pee comes out, and then you barf? (I just did that to cortex's ... I generally don't favorite anything he says because it goes way over my head. Would that mean I'm allergic to cortex?)

**gargling listerine**
posted by not_on_display at 1:33 PM on March 25, 2008

Ugh. I never understood the bodily-fluid analogy. What are you, five years old? You don't need to use shock to get your point across.

Also, anyone have ideas for handling phone interviews? I just finished my first one, ever, and hate it. Interviews in and of themselves are nerve-wracking enough, but I hate hate hate that I can't meet them in the eye and gauge their reactions to what I'm saying. I depend on the quick mouth corner lifts and slight eyebrow raises to read people, dammit! Fucking phone interviews.

not_on_display: thank you for that :D I burst out laughing when I read that. And had to explain to my SO why I was laughing. And we subsequently had a 10-minute spat about whether comrade was pronounced "com-rad" or "com-rayde". British pronunciations for the win, yo.
posted by Phire at 1:34 PM on March 25, 2008

...or is that an AskMe question? Kinda new here, li'l help.
posted by not_on_display at 1:36 PM on March 25, 2008

Phire: a bicycle horn used in lieu of facial reads usually does the trick for me. Whenever I find myself making a gesture or face on the phone, I honk. If I hear no honk back, I know the message was not received correctly, so I use the bell and the whistle. This usually prompts my mom to hang up--she hates when I interview her.

(I meant, was my own question about cortical allergies an askme. Not yours, moaya drooga.)
posted by not_on_display at 1:44 PM on March 25, 2008

Eh, it's more of a BBQ. Funny though.

Phire, my sister-in-law who's in HR has always told me that she takes it into account that good people-persons will not always rock the phone interview as much as they would the live interview, and that it's really more a tool of convenience than a filter -- they use it before committing to flying someone out, or they aren't sure about some of the CV info and want to get it verified, etc.

Awesomeness points for properly spelling "wracking" though. Nerves that get "racked" are a spelling pet peeve of mine. As are "cemetaries," and it took every ounce of my willpower not to go into that AskMe and ask for at least a properly spelled tag.

But, I triumphed. And did not thread-shit or post unhelpfully.

Sadly, I wish I could continue to pretend it's because of my awesome willpower, when in fact it's that I monitor my AskMe ratio obsessively.
posted by pineapple at 1:46 PM on March 25, 2008

I never understood the bodily-fluid analogy.

I has had a lot of momentum lately because of whichever goddam Ben Stiller movie featured the "threw up a little in my mouth" line. Which may have actually been one of the best lines in the film, damnably faint praise as that is.

Dodgeball? It might have been Dodgeball. Christ, that was a terrible film. For a wacky Vince Vaughn comedy vehicle it was crappy, and dude hasn't exactly been discerning in his choice of role on that front so you know that's not light talk.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:56 PM on March 25, 2008

Normally I would just quietly edit the beginning of my comment up there so that it was coherent, but I find the accidental lolcatism charming (and disturbing!) and, besides, gratuitous followup comments are what Team 1500 is all about, am I right?
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:57 PM on March 25, 2008

(The answer is that, yes, I am right.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:58 PM on March 25, 2008

Yes, you are right. Also, your hair looks very nice today.
posted by pineapple at 2:04 PM on March 25, 2008

I've been using a new glossing agent.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:06 PM on March 25, 2008

There's probably nothing that CAN be done, Burhanistan. HR Managers are tools and / or douchebags by nature, and asking them to refrain from behaving in such a way is like asking a pigeon not to shit on your head.
posted by dersins at 2:20 PM on March 25, 2008

Is she new?* If so then my answer is: give her a little while to get over it, because it might be her tool for learning everyone's names quickly, and she'll stop soon enough.

If she's not new: does she also do it to bosses? If so, then give her a little while to either

a) get fired or

b) irritate one of them enough to speak to her about it.

Are you one of the bosses? If so, guess what, jefe, it's on you. If she does not also do it to the bosses, then, I would say the options are

a) have the straight up conversation, a la "Hey, Julie? I know you don't mean anything by it but it feels odd to me to hear my whole name used like that, kinda like you're my mom and I'm in trouble for leaving my bike on the sidewalk. Do you think you could stick with just 'Burhanistan' instead of 'Burhanistan Jingleheimer-Schmidt'? Thanks!"

b) do it back to her until she quits. Yes, this is the passive-aggressive option, but hey - it's the workplace, and she's an HR person who should know better. It's a tricky situation.

* LobsterMitten, is it wrong that I assumed the HR person was a female? You can tell me honestly, I won't take it personally.
posted by pineapple at 2:23 PM on March 25, 2008

You know what's cool? When I scrolled up quickly to click on something else, there was an optical illusion of a person against a yellow background, kind of like that Grace Kelly Taittinger ad. And I thought for a fleeting second that maybe cortex had turned img tag back on in honor of this forgotten thread, the one that straggled to 1000, and straggles even now, going nowhere, meaning nothing... if by 'nothing' I mean a place for a handful of bored but very, very special Mefites to sound their barbaric kvetches in a quiet little corner of the site that nobody sees any more, and also for me to write some wretchedy purply cack that sputters out with me curious as to whether it's "any more" or "anymore," while feeling faintly embarrassed that it took me 20 years to stop putting a hyphen in "no one", and appreciating the irony that a girl who doesn't instinctively know "any more" from "anymore" dared to have a whinge about "cemetary" before.
posted by pineapple at 2:30 PM on March 25, 2008

Honest question: has anyone ever had a genuinely positive interaction with an HR person/department? Not tolerable or acceptable mind you, good.

Because if not I'm OK with just bundling them all onto the B ark.
posted by Skorgu at 2:38 PM on March 25, 2008

Burhanistan said: "It's a male."

Dang. I was certain that it was a woman doing that affected cutesy thing. Is this guy doing the jocular-locker-room thing, instead?

Skorgu said: "Honest question: has anyone ever had a genuinely positive interaction with an HR person/department? Not tolerable or acceptable mind you, good."

I never have. In my experience they're all either toeing the company line in a bullshitty, can't-talk-straight, smiley-lying way, or they're so tied up in What The Company Handbook Says that you can hardly get a conversation in with them, because there's zero room in their worldview for anything that doesn't have a corresponding page number, section heading and subheading, and line number.
posted by pineapple at 2:47 PM on March 25, 2008

Honest question: has anyone ever had a genuinely positive interaction with an HR person/department? Not tolerable or acceptable mind you, good.

A place I worked a while back got rid of the one HR manager less-than-affectionately known as "The Dragon Lady" for one we called Smitty. She was young, pretty, and a crazy-ass drunk. When you were having a bad day, she would call you into her office, put her feet up and offer you a beer from her mini-fridge.

When there were office parties, she was the last one dancing on the pool table and the first one hitting on every single guy in sight.

In so many ways, she was awesome beyond words. What is really weird though, is how, despite all of this, she was also really good at her job; forms were always on time, people were coached professionally, new-hire candidates were always impeccably vetted. It was great.

But other that her? No.
posted by quin at 3:04 PM on March 25, 2008

Honest question: has anyone ever had a genuinely positive interaction with an HR person/department?

Yup. She was awesome. She helped with forms; she knew the difference between everyday bitching about stuff vs. formal complaint stuff; she never, ever spilled the beans about anything personnel-related; she was way fun at parties. She was wise in her interpretation of company rules (in my experience). And her partner was some kind of insanely rich software guy whose hobbies included driving really fast cars at a local track. So sometimes she would come to work in one of those really fast cars, and she'd give people rides to the BART station.

At another place I worked, I really liked our HR person - she was also helpful with forms and non-gossipy. But she wasn't great at backing people up if they had management complaints.
posted by rtha at 3:12 PM on March 25, 2008

The HR thing: I know several people who work in HR who are great, funny, sensible, etc. I haven't dealt with them in a job context though, they're friends of mine. Might be different on the job. In academia I don't have much dealing with HR.

About assuming it's a woman: depends. I was immediately wondering that, since I could see it going either way.

Another hting is that when I was a secretary for a music school for a while, I had to process hundreds of student forms. I got to know the students by full name, didn't know them as people at all. I was pleased by some combinations of names, would repeat them to myself in my head, etc. It was a pretty dull job, but I memorized hundreds of full names. Then when the kids would show up, I would sometimes say, "Oh, you're Julie Walker-Smythe! Hello, Julie Walker-Smythe." etc. So is there a possibility it's that kind of thing, where he sees people's full names written out much more often than the average worker does, and for this reason it seems more entertaining to him to use the full name? If so, I'd think you could quietly say, "you know, it bugs me when you do that, would you mind stopping? Just call me Burhan".
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:21 PM on March 25, 2008

cortex: Team 1500 is the junior varsity team. Come on, man. Team 2K has special leather jackets with colored sleeves and patches on the arm.

and yes, gratuitous followup comments.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:23 PM on March 25, 2008

I prefer
posted by dersins at 3:31 PM on March 25, 2008

team 1200.
posted by dersins at 3:31 PM on March 25, 2008

wuss.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:33 PM on March 25, 2008

Also, there is a Chinese restaurant near my parents' house called "Jade Billows".
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:34 PM on March 25, 2008

pineapple: 'Burhanistan Jingleheimer-Schmidt'?

His name is my name, too!
Whenever we're at work,
and the boss is quite the jerk,
he says, "Burhanistan Jingleheimer-Schmidt!"

da-da-da-da-da-da-dahh
posted by not_on_display at 3:58 PM on March 25, 2008

Lucky it isn't Jade Pillows, what with all the Chinese symbolism around jade and sexuality.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:58 PM on March 25, 2008

In other news, there was a farmer, had a dog, and 'Bingo' was its name. Oh!
posted by not_on_display at 4:00 PM on March 25, 2008

It's basically a new one-liner every time we drive by there.
"No it doesn't"
"Those aren't billows"
etc
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:06 PM on March 25, 2008

"No more yankee my wankee"? (Wait, I'm getting this confused with the John Hughes thread)
posted by not_on_display at 4:09 PM on March 25, 2008

Skorgu: Honest question: has anyone ever had a genuinely positive interaction with an HR person/department? Not tolerable or acceptable mind you, good. Because if not I'm OK with just bundling them all onto the B ark.

My dad was head HR for the entire US division of a Japanese based construction firm. That being said, I think he is a pretty OK guy, and when I would visit his office as a kid, the interactions appeared to be going quite well. He is now semi retired, and works with and manages all sorts of different groups and people (church fundraisers, etc.) and almost everyone seems to get along with him, so I would have to file him under the "good hr person" category.

My current HR person is a woman, and knows her job quite well, is willing to call a spade a spade, and can play politics well it seems. Also, she was one of the last people at the company party, and joined us at another bar when we got kicked out of the first one.

At my job prior to this one, the HR person (also a woman, if we are tracking demographics), didn't know much of anything about the job, it was her first time doing it, and I spent more time waiting for her to figure out how to do something right (like enroll me in healthcare) than actually getting an answer from her.

Funny story about my dad and his church. There is a new 'vice priest' there (episcopal church, thats what i've always thought of the priest in training person) who appears to be doing it for her own weird reasons that involve her being the one with the best ideas, and changing how everything is done, but never following through on things. So the result is she takes on projects that never get finished, etc. The head priest guy retired in this time, and so a new temporary priest stepped in while the parish searched for their new permanent replacement. Long story short, vice priest is full of bubbly energy, but is making things a mess for everyone. Including scheduling things like "meeting with college students to talk about college" for the highschool kids, without a) finding college students to show up, b) scheduling it the 2nd week of jan. when most of the kids who might show up had gone back to school and c) making it a $5 donation to attend.

Anyway, if you are still reading this, my dad ended up getting pretty angry with her, and when she went to tell other people how threatening my dad was with her, their responses were simply "wow, you really must be unreasonable to have pissed off Bruce, he's a pretty patient guy".

So that is my random family story.

Next up, excerpts from my novella, posted one sentence at a time.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:28 PM on March 25, 2008

LobsterMitten: I think the best/worst name I've seen was that time I was in Portland and we saw Hung Far Low. Sadly it was a long weekend and they were closed so we didn't get to eat there. My PFO-originating friends tell me it's great when you feel like Americanized Chinese food.
posted by heeeraldo at 5:37 PM on March 25, 2008

heeeraldo: Sadly, Hung Far Low moved out of that location a couple of years ago. The sign has been retained as a landmark, but where it says "building" in the picture you link to it used to say something else. And your (PDX?) friends are not telling you the truth of the matter: the food at Hung Far Low was mostly nasty. The drinks, on the other hand, were cheap, and would fuck you right up. Not smooth, but efficient. It was upstairs, and you'd sometimes have to step over puddles of excrement and hookers lighting crackpipes. Good times.
posted by mumkin at 7:01 PM on March 25, 2008

It was always fun to order gibsons at hung far low. That cranky, middle-aged bartender lady hated reaching into the jar of cocktail onions.

I never had the heart to suggest that she just use a fork.

But I always tipped well.

Especially for that dump.
posted by dersins at 7:06 PM on March 25, 2008

That beautiful, beautiful dump that I miss....
posted by dersins at 7:06 PM on March 25, 2008

an orthodox monastery that was a literal stone's throw from a strip center that had 3 hooker bars

Let he who is without sin cast the first &c.
posted by dersins at 8:18 PM on March 25, 2008

^Burhanistan: I lived in an orthodox monastery...
...a convenience store that catered to crackheads...
...I could look out my window and see a full episode of *Cops*.

That is the coolest comment packed into the fewest sentences ever.
posted by not_on_display at 9:06 PM on March 25, 2008

mumkin: PDX = PFO; one of my friends has a shirt that reads "Portland. Fucking. Oregon." and thus we started calling it PFO. Also, good to know.
posted by heeeraldo at 10:57 PM on March 25, 2008

where was this?
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:53 PM on March 25, 2008

Maine, I think.
posted by not_on_display at 5:11 AM on March 26, 2008

Awesomeness points for properly spelling "wracking" though. Nerves that get "racked" are a spelling pet peeve of mine.

Don't read this comment if you're having a bad day, because it will just make it worse, but the form with rack is a century older than the one with wrack:

1812 SHELLEY Let. 27 Dec. (1964) I. 347 My removal from your nerve racking & spirit quelling metropolis.

1909 Daily Chron. 9 Feb. 5/1 Despite his nerve-wracking experience, he had the courage to endeavour to return to search for him.

And frankly the "rack" metaphor is a lot clearer; cf.:

1742 POPE New Dunciad 56 Racks and Tortures soon shall.. Break all their nerves, and fritter all their sense.

How do you "wrack" a nerve?

In conclusion, yes, HR departments suck. I'm so glad I'll never have to deal with them again.
posted by languagehat at 9:57 AM on March 26, 2008

Actually I'm no longer having a bad day, but thanks for the heads-up. :)

Isn't wrack a formation of "wreck"?

Or, is it "reeking havoc" that bugged me instead, maybe -- with its similarly problematic W and/or people just not knowing what it is to wreak?
posted by pineapple at 10:03 AM on March 26, 2008

So there was just an exchange in another (i.e. lesser) Metatalk thread that lead to SteveInMaine saying this:

FTFM = Florida Thoroughbred Farm Managers

Now THERE's a dream job.

Which made me think of that urban legend / email hoax a while back about The Worst Job Ever, which came in a few varieties but which had the thesis that said job was manually collecting semen from sexually reluctant zoo animals.

Which probably isn't what SteveInMaine (who I keep trying to call SteveTheMaine, on account of fellow mefite SteveTheRed) had in mind, but it made me think about that whole concept for a few seconds. Which led to me writing this joke:

Alice: "Hey, I hear you're making a lot of money off endorsements and cash prizes ever since you abandoned your amateur status as a competitive livestock ejaculator."
Bob: "Yeah, I'm really milking the Pro state."
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:25 AM on March 26, 2008

Something wreaks in here. It's rewinning my apetight.
posted by not_on_display at 10:27 AM on March 26, 2008

Isn't wrack a formation of "wreck"?

It's all very complicated (as a teacher of mine used to say). Wrack is from the Old English word wræc 'Retributive punishment; vengeance, revenge; in later use also, hostile action, active enmity, persecution' which became 'Damage, disaster, or injury to a person, state, etc., by reason of force, outrage, or violence; devastation, destruction' and then 'A disastrous change in a state or condition of affairs; wreck, ruin, subversion'; wreck is from a Scandinavian word related to the OEng. one; and as the OED says, "in writers of the 16-17th cent. it is sometimes uncertain which word is intended." Also, wrack and rack have been confused with each other for at least 500 years. So, really, the best thing to do is to tiptoe around the whole mess.

Or, is it "reeking havoc" that bugged me instead, maybe

That would certainly bug me.
posted by languagehat at 11:16 AM on March 26, 2008

C'mon languagehat. Don't undermine my awesomeness points, I don't get them very often. Although much love for the etymology :D *nerd*

And haha, in a classic example of being totally masochistic, I arranged for two other phone interviews. But hey, what can I say, I guess I'm desperate for a job. Though if I got any of these I'd have to relocate for the summer, and I'm not sure I'd be willing to do that... it'd cut the already fairly meagre salary in half if I had to rent on top of the rent I'm already paying for the summer portion of my year-long lease. Sigh. Oh student life.

ALSO. On the subject of silly language things that bug me. Reeking havoc is a good one, but why the hell does half the internet think it's "here here!" and not "hear hear?" ... Or am I really out of my mind? The principle of the phrase is "Hey, I agree with this, so LISTEN TO HIM. HEAR HIM." isn't it? what the hell does "here" have anything to do with it?

LOGIC people.
posted by Phire at 11:30 AM on March 26, 2008

See, because "Pro state" is a play off of "prostate", and so I'm using "milking" in two semantically distinct but related ways depending on how you decide to parse the—OH FORGET IT.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:39 AM on March 26, 2008

I get it! FRENCH CLASS!
posted by shmegegge at 12:37 PM on March 26, 2008

"wrack and ruin" is a fine phrase that should be used more.

"wreaking havoc" ... isn't "havoc" one of those magical words where we just have no idea of its origin?

"hear hear" - that's what I think it is.

Also, LH, issues in linguistics aside, it does matter if you know the so-called "proper" spelling/usage etc, purely for pragmatic social reasons. So, it's like etiquette in that it's not passed down from the clouds above, but it still makes a difference whether you get it "right" or not. If you're my student and you're always effing these things up, I'm going to think worse of your writing. etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 1:37 PM on March 26, 2008

Will this be on the final?
posted by not_on_display at 2:21 PM on March 26, 2008

LobsterMitten said: "LH, issues in linguistics aside, it does matter if you know the so-called "proper" spelling/usage"

Psst. LM. Over here. I got your back. It's gonna be a rumble, but I think you've gotta gooda chance as any. You're a good kid, and if you stay quick on your feet an' shake off th' fast blows, you could walk away from this.
posted by pineapple at 2:27 PM on March 26, 2008

Also, LH, issues in linguistics aside, it does matter if you know the so-called "proper" spelling/usage etc, purely for pragmatic social reasons.

Sure, and I've made that point any number of times. But "proper" usage isn't any more inherently right than "proper" clothing. It's just socially favored.

C'mon languagehat. Don't undermine my awesomeness points, I don't get them very often.

Don't let anyone try to take your awesomeness points away from you!
posted by languagehat at 3:18 PM on March 26, 2008

Sure, and I've made that point any number of times.

Think of the good of the thread! You can be more hardline than that!
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:11 PM on March 26, 2008

1234!

Way to Go!
posted by mrzarquon at 4:54 PM on March 26, 2008

Hee. Though I just realized that should be a semi-colon between 'points' and 'I', not a comma. Fail.

I just killed the 1234 thing, didn't I? Oh well. I'll be over in scrump's thread if anyone needs me.
posted by Phire at 5:22 PM on March 26, 2008

1236… 7? 12?

Couple three things:

1) Models are a giant pain in the ass.
2) Compliance is a giant pain in the ass.
3) Writing about girls on MySpace is fucking soul-crushing, especially since the salient point about each and every one of them is that she will show the public her labia.
4) Hercules and Love Affair, despite getting me mocked by my coworkers for listening to "homo music," is totally awesome. It reminds me of Tribe of Zoe… I wonder if there's any of that online…
posted by klangklangston at 6:06 PM on March 26, 2008

Hm. Why do I know nothing at all about paulsc? Does he have some sort of backstory, of which everyone but me is aware? What's with his Phil-Cubeta-ish tone last night?
posted by pineapple at 6:32 AM on March 27, 2008

Man, I was so thinking Cubeta, in fact, tone-wise. Very odd, I'm not sure what's up or why he's being so weirdly obnoxious. Sure glad I was up at 1 am to see the beginning of that, though. Oof.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:00 AM on March 27, 2008

Very odd, I'm not sure what's up or why he's being so weirdly obnoxious.

That stuff is actually standard paulsc fare. He sometimes posts good answers in AskMe, but they are just as often conservative, trite and based in anecdote, while savoring of unearned authority. He has frequently derided the mods here, and the community in general, especially for what he seems to believe is a lack of respect for the 'common man,' mostly as personified by paulsc. I think people confuse his long, detailed, googled AskMe answers with being a good guy.
posted by OmieWise at 7:41 AM on March 27, 2008

I think you mean "the 'community' in general," OmieWise. paulsc's been scare-quoting the c-word for some reason probably known only to him.
posted by cgc373 at 8:13 AM on March 27, 2008

I think the reason he does that is that he's an insufferable blowhard. Always has been. Probably always will be.
posted by dersins at 8:24 AM on March 27, 2008

I decided it would be elitist of me to mention that the word he wants is "illegitimus," 'illegitimi' being plural. But yeah, I got the same Cubeta vibe - an odd new tone for him.

Speaking generally, I don't quite get what makes people hang around any place - web or elsewhere - that they openly dislike. We've got a few of these folks here. There's certainly no problem with people who find value in the site bringing up concerns and critiques, but hanging around harping on how terrible the place is sort of undermines the person's own point. What are they getting out of it? It smacks of the old -

"The food at this place is terrible!"

"Yes -- and such small portions!""
posted by Miko at 8:38 AM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

I keep forgetting I'm here voluntarily!
posted by not_on_display at 8:54 AM on March 27, 2008

I like paulsc a lot. I haven't read last night's contribution, but I like his contributions more often than not, which isn't a ratio that applies to most posters, even the ones I like. He does have experience and background that other people on metafilter don't have. When he was gone I missed his input.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:27 AM on March 27, 2008

I have never understood his a ppeal for people like you, s_m. I think a lot of people do have personal experiences like his (his family situation, his regional cultural knowledge) but speak in a less authoritative tone. And having had many exchanges with him, I know that he has a habit of pretending to command more knowledge than he actually has, and then hastily researching and presenting his additional info without cite.
posted by Miko at 9:32 AM on March 27, 2008

er, make that, s_r.
posted by Miko at 9:33 AM on March 27, 2008

I have a theory that MetaMan is Cubeta getting back at us.
posted by dw at 10:00 AM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

people like you, s_m
er, make that, s_r.

...paging Dr. Freud!
posted by heeeraldo at 10:04 AM on March 27, 2008

Freudian slip showing, again...?
posted by Miko at 10:34 AM on March 27, 2008

I will have to disagree with you there, Miko. If there are a lot of people of his background, age group, and ... je ne sais quoi (heh)- joie de vivre maybe? they haven't bothered to write as expansively and entertainingly as paulsc has. Metafilter discussion seems very echo chambery and anemic when there aren't enough participants who've lived according to different value systems. I may like paulsc because his seem similar to the one I was raised with. I've very deliberately chosen to live a safe and milquetoast life, but hearing from people who don't toe the party line as much as I make myself do is a breath of fresh air. Which is not to say paulsc can't get all self-righteous, blowhard-y, and generally behave like an asshole, but then most of my favorite posters do.

Also, I like his stories. Not too many story tellers around here, probably because stories so often get deleted as noise. Which, imo, is a terrible loss to the site.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:35 AM on March 27, 2008

What gives you the impression that stories are "often deleted as noise," small_ruminant? I haven't noticed anything of the kind.
posted by cgc373 at 10:52 AM on March 27, 2008

Well, a couple of mine have been, but maybe they just sucked.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:05 AM on March 27, 2008

Really, the problem is stories tossed into askme threads. Stories in the blue and the grey, not so much an issue.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:28 AM on March 27, 2008

*wakes up, peels face from sticky booth table, looks around, still mostly drunk*

Is it last call?? I wanna go home.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:06 PM on March 27, 2008

Well, you don't have to go home. You can stay here, you know.
posted by shmegegge at 1:16 PM on March 27, 2008

Hey, anyone want to adopt a REALLY FUCKING ~~FAT~~ BIG-BONED FUCKING CAT? At almost 26 pounds, it's basically 2 medium-large cats in a single package!

No?

Then how about one of these special needs cats?
posted by dersins at 2:59 PM on March 27, 2008

in other, wholly unrelated news, I was pretty surprised right now while reading this. At first I thought the game was called "The Dollmaster," and I thought "Oh Japan, you scallywag! Leave it to you guys to invent a creepy doll s&m game!" Then I realized it was called The idolmaster and was vaguely disappointed. Then I realized that The idolmaster will probably be just as creepy! Yay!
posted by shmegegge at 3:11 PM on March 27, 2008

The fat cat is called Hamhock! Yes please.
And one of the issues cats' issues is "may be afraid of loud noises". Is it some kind of euphemism?
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:34 PM on March 27, 2008

So I just spent pretty much the whole last workweek orchestrating a search through months of old presumably-already-scanned documents for a missing form that a client team needed. We've manually reshuffled and sorted something like I'd say 30-40,000 sheets of paper.

I just found it, though. It was already on the system. With the first and last names inverted, but retrievable for all that by the unique system ID that is known to the client team. It has been there for months. They never searched for it.

I am become death, destroyer of cubicles.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:39 PM on March 27, 2008

Did they apologize abjectly, and did they pay you handsomely for your time?

If no, you could always retitle the form "Hamhock" and tell them they can seek it but you won't tell them the unique ID.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:43 PM on March 27, 2008

Man, clients are fucking idiots. Doesn't matter WHAT the industry is.

That said, I'll bet the next time a client team tells you they can't find something on the system, you'll take a different approach. Something like "Really? Let me check the system to verify..." rather than "Really? Let me orchestrate a manual search through tens of thousands of documents to find it."

Not that you should have done the former this time. It's perfectly reasonable to assume that when someone tells you they can't find something, that means they've actually, y'know, looked for it.
posted by dersins at 4:05 PM on March 27, 2008

No, it's totally on me for not sanity-checking them on this one. The presentation suggested that they had, in fact, search thoroughly, and these clients are jerks so I trusted 'em on that. And the major orchestration is in part a meta-issue, so this found a week ago wouldn't have prevented it, probably, but as one of the driving stressors we could all have done without it, etc.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:13 PM on March 27, 2008

cortex- im right there with you. We just found out some nasty permissions issues decide to show up if you have a user in more than 16 groups in active directory, os x clients through up on themselves is kerberos is involved, since it can't parse more than 16 groups per user. Which is really annoying when your IT team decides they want individual AD groups, for each application access you might need as a remote user (so you are automatically in 16 groups if you want to use citrix, including 4 groups which are just mispellings of remote user). So the group we actually use for our department is bumped off the list. Blargh.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:48 PM on March 27, 2008

Goddammit, I ordered another drink a million years ago. Where's my drink? Goddammit?
posted by languagehat at 5:13 PM on March 27, 2008

AREN'T jerks. These client's are nice. Dammit.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:26 PM on March 27, 2008

Clients. Fuck it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:26 PM on March 27, 2008

I'd really rather NOT fuck your clients, cortex. Given that it appears as though they experience some difficulty differentiating their own asses from a hole in the ground, I shudder to think what they might mistake for my anatomy.
posted by dersins at 5:30 PM on March 27, 2008

So clients are secretly octop[i|uses]? No wonder...
posted by Skorgu at 6:05 PM on March 27, 2008

I have spent the last couple of weeks whiplashing between colleagues saying "we really don't think it's time to embrace the web because it's not that important to us and it's all spam and pedophiles anyway" and colleagues saying "we must group hug the web now now now can you get us on the web two years ago???"

Luckily, they're not the same people, but man, the constant extremes are just about making me crack.
posted by dw at 6:30 PM on March 27, 2008

Sae the movie "Fido". Pretty cute.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:23 PM on March 27, 2008

Alsae Ae'm Scaettish.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:24 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

There used to be a fry shack on the island of Cuttyhunk which basically just contained a deep fryer, and you could bring whatever you wanted and they'd deep fry it for you.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:31 PM on March 27, 2008

The island of Cuttyhunk?!??

That sounds like a poorly-imagined setting for a piece of chick-lit romance.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:12 PM on March 27, 2008

I think I'd enjoy a nice hunk of deep-fried cutty.
posted by dersins at 11:14 PM on March 27, 2008

Better than that, it's near Gay Head. Sweah to God.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:27 PM on March 27, 2008

There used to be this minuscule soba shop in Tokyo near where I lived that I would frequent, and most times I went there, I'd get the soba with tempura-fried squid.

I wonder if that place is still there.
posted by adamrice at 7:15 AM on March 28, 2008

Is it me or does Beef Unit Rd run right through first base? At least Mount Sac way is more gentlemanly, despite being excited to see you.
posted by danOstuporStar at 8:28 AM on March 28, 2008

There's a neighborhood in my city called "Gaywood". Seriously. Gaywood.

And I note from the linked map that Gaywood Dr. is crossed by Tosca Lane.

Just an observation. [NOT OPERA-IST]
posted by languagehat at 9:10 AM on March 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

We used to mercilessly tease the kids from Gaylord in our competitive theater meets.

Only now do I appreciate the irony.
posted by klangklangston at 12:04 PM on March 28, 2008 [2 favorites]

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:08 PM on March 28, 2008

It's snowing.

In seattle.

In spring (almost april)

W.T.F.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:35 PM on March 28, 2008

Didn't realize you guys had it too. Down here in Portland it stopped snowing a couple of hours ago. The rain washed it all away, making it seem like a bizarre waking dream.
posted by mumkin at 1:39 PM on March 28, 2008

Down here in Portland it stopped snowing a couple of hours ago.

I was so hoping for a snowday-- we didn't get a single one this winter-- but, alas, 'twas not to be, for here I am at work.
posted by dersins at 1:52 PM on March 28, 2008

By the way, did survivorman / rinkjustice / dropkick / raydexter / JaySunSee / PoopyDoop / TinkleBerry / cameron.case set some sort of record for sockpuppet malfeasance? And am I missing any?
posted by dersins at 1:58 PM on March 28, 2008

There's a neighborhood in my city called "Gaywood". Seriously. Gaywood.

The bowling alley just outside my hometown in Idaho was at a crossroads named the Gay-Way Junction and was hence named Gay-Way Bowl. I learned to bowl at the Gay-Way Bowl.

Johnny Carson once mentioned the place on the Tonight Show and they sent him Christmas cards every year thereafter.
posted by y2karl at 2:02 PM on March 28, 2008

He/they/it may have set a genuine record as the malfeasiest, yeah. Part of the problem is the early pattern of behavior got treated with a degree of compassion that wasn't really met on the return with any kind of change in behavior.

And there's the claim that the various accounts related to more than one person—but those various people were pretty attentive to one another's projects, to the degree that Alice went so far as to list Bob's Projects-posted website (for which Charlie voted) as her website in her profile. And all the while, several of them taking turns linking to the same goddam self-help website whenever an AskMe question seemed somehow related, despite past requests to not.

I give a lot of shit the benefit of the doubt around here, but, you know, give me a fucking break.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:12 PM on March 28, 2008

You got to remember, he is a professional SEO goober. And an angry mormon about it also. Have you round filed his IP address / paypal address / credit card numbers yet?

If he is a web designer, he probably has some sort of highspeed internet with dedicated IPs.

(Maybe he was just using his extended family and wives to do all the SEOing for him)
posted by mrzarquon at 2:21 PM on March 28, 2008

Seven more comments until 1300!

y2karl: The bowling alley just outside my hometown in Idaho was at a crossroads named the Gay-Way Junction and was hence named Gay-Way Bowl. I learned to bowl at the Gay-Way Bowl

I don't know if that is something you should be proud or ashamed of sharing. I guess it depends on how well you bowl. We may find out tomorrow.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:11 PM on March 28, 2008

Gaywood Dr. is crossed by Tosca Lane.

I have a friend who used to live in Chicago, at the intersection of George and Mildred.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:37 PM on March 28, 2008

Also, looking at that survivorman thread, wow.
The *gritted teeth* of this comment:
This is a user's project and the best place to give feedback is on the projects page itself.
posted by jessamyn
just kills me.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:40 PM on March 28, 2008

Man, look at me being a grumpy asshole for no apparent reason six years ago. Take that 2002 me!
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:49 PM on March 28, 2008

He could have at least used all those accounts for something useful, like posing as a woman in order to add credence to crypto-right wing trolling.
posted by klangklangston at 3:49 PM on March 28, 2008

Oh, cortex, all that shows is that we all have the potential to someday be mods, no matter how much of a wheedling weenie we have been.
posted by klangklangston at 3:50 PM on March 28, 2008

I'm just mad that I missed that Survivorman thread. It would have been the perfect place to offtopicly post the misheard lyric that has been stuck firmly in my head for the past couple of months:

Cowboy Jesus loves you!
posted by quin at 3:51 PM on March 28, 2008

Oh, I might
posted by klangklangston at 3:51 PM on March 28, 2008

heh

malfeasiest

heehee

posted by small_ruminant at 3:51 PM on March 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

as well delmoi this to 1300.

on preview CURSES!
posted by klangklangston at 3:52 PM on March 28, 2008

Huh. The first couple of socks are fairly new though. Y'think they would've learned to stay the fuck away from MeFi after the first bannination.

(Apologies for the swearing. Up since 7:30 etc. Fucking politics lecture. Fucking interviews.)

BUT YES. The weather here is getting nicer. it was hovering at about 0-2 degrees Celsius today. Windy though. (Fucking Lake Ontario).

Okay okay, I'll go away now.
posted by Phire at 3:53 PM on March 28, 2008

I suppose we could try and summon the power of blogdom to meme this guy a new asshole.

Goddammit, I am going to build a time machine and go back to April 13, 2004 and I am going to slap myself so effin' hard. Ugh.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:02 PM on March 28, 2008

on preview CURSES

Heh.
posted by dersins at 4:08 PM on March 28, 2008

Klangklangston doesn't know
posted by dersins at 4:08 PM on March 28, 2008

that you have to open multiple tabs
posted by dersins at 4:09 PM on March 28, 2008

to do that.
posted by dersins at 4:09 PM on March 28, 2008

Phire, it is always windy in K-town; the best you can hope for is a day with lighter winds. (used to live there)
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:35 PM on March 28, 2008

Goddammit, I am going to build a time machine and go back to April 13, 2004 and I am going to slap myself so effin' hard. Ugh.

Does it count as the singularity if the social trends move too quickly to keep up with?
posted by shmegegge at 8:55 PM on March 28, 2008

I overheard someone getting talked into a multilevel marketing scam involving some kind of water treatment device, today at the coffeeshop. Any ideas about the best way to handle that?
posted by LobsterMitten at 1:33 PM on March 29, 2008

DAMN JESSAMYN AND HER "THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THINGS FROM OTHER PARTS OF THE SITE AND POST THEM AS ASKMES"!!!
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:03 PM on March 29, 2008

Counterexample:
"I need to design a handle for a delicate china teacup. So, delicate china teacup: what's the best way to handle that?"
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:10 PM on March 29, 2008

(they make for an exquisite corpse)
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:55 PM on March 29, 2008

((or exquisite cups, as the case may be))
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:56 PM on March 29, 2008

Shall I be mother?
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:11 PM on March 29, 2008

I just want to say that I love the idea that there are Completist Readers at MeFi, and that because I spent the afternoon at the Biltmore House, looking at rich dead white people's old stuff, that in my head it's The Compleat Reader.
posted by pineapple at 9:17 PM on March 29, 2008

20 December, 1983, New York:

I am reading a book on Kafka. It is a library book, and someone has marked a passage in the margin with a long, wavering line. I pay special attention without finding it particularly rewarding. As I turn the page the line moves. It is a long, dark hair.

--Alan Bennett, Writing Home: Diaries 1980-1990
posted by OmieWise at 3:30 AM on March 30, 2008

21 December, 1983, New York:

I have returned the book, but the hair must have fallen out; I found it nestled in the margin of an Ionesco play, The Leader. I had just started reading when I found the following exchange marked as significant:

YOUNG LOVER. Forgive me, Madame, or should I say Mademoiselle?

GIRL-FRIEND. I beg your pardon, I'm afraid I don't happen to know you!

I tried to understand the importance of this until I jostled the book slightly and the hair wriggled off the page and onto the desk. I think it is mocking me.
posted by languagehat at 6:53 AM on March 30, 2008

22 December, 1983, New York:

The hair is everywhere. I cannot escape it. It follows me throughout the suite of rooms I am occupying; it even (horror!) nestles next to me in bed. I must return to London at once. I came to New York to escape the hopelessness of English life, but I see now the abyss is everywhere. At least in Camden Town I have the BBC.
posted by languagehat at 6:58 AM on March 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

sure, your guy can dance, but I think my guy can take him.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:03 AM on March 31, 2008

Our HR guy rocks.

Now the biz dev people. On my way to the fire escape to smoke a cigarette, I saw this on 8" letters on the v.p.'s whiteboard "TO DO: Leverage our synergies".

What is the best way to handle these guys?
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:41 AM on March 31, 2008

um, pull their tongues out of their cheeks?
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:20 AM on March 31, 2008

If I had five dollars to spare I would right now be registering "The Kafka Hair of Alan Bennet" as a sock-puppet. I would use it to haunt languagehat through any and all book related threads he happened to post in:

languagehat: "The Dalkey Archive" is actually a poorly executed and startlingly sentimental rehashing of episodes from O'Briens masterpiece "The Third Policeman" which, tragically, was never published during his lifetime.

The Kafka Hair of Alan Bennet: slips slowly and deliberately down the screen, playfully encircling the word "sentimental".

languagehat: Why, The Kafka Hair of Alan Bennet? WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO!
posted by thatwhichfalls at 6:30 AM on March 31, 2008

If I were going to start some sort of bad-programming-fisking type blog (maybe a competitor of The Daily WTF, that sort of thing) I would totally name it TO DON'T.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:14 AM on March 31, 2008 [2 favorites]

What does "leverage our synergies" mean? Is this the new baffle-em-with-our-bullshit corpspeak?
I googled it and there are consultants standing by waiting to leverage our synergies.

How much should this cost? Is there a timeframe where we can expect our synergies to be leveraged by?
posted by readery at 7:46 AM on March 31, 2008

readery said: "What does "leverage our synergies" mean? Is this the new baffle-em-with-our-bullshit corpspeak? I googled it and there are consultants standing by waiting to leverage our synergies."

I am embarrassed to report that I have used this phrase non-ironically in the last three months, in two different scenarios. So, in case you're asking for real: my org is trying to find ways to derive more cost benefit from letting two of our business units with similar production and marketing methods work together -- despite it seeming on the outside like that would be a non-starter since the units have two totally different products and audiences. I have also used this when discussing possible strategic partnerships with other businesses -- when analyzing the places where our respective business models can complement and support each other.

Believe me, I wish there were any other word to use besides synergy. I feel like a pompous twit when I say it. I feel like I'm in the IBM commercial "Buzzword Bingo."

Also, it makes me want to yell, "Showtime, Synergy!" ...and then turn from Jerrica into Jem and sing "Jem, is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous (whooooa!)... Jem is my name! No one else is the same!"
posted by pineapple at 8:18 AM on March 31, 2008

Here you go, for those of you who thought "WTF" at that last bit. Jem was the original "Hannah Montana."
posted by pineapple at 8:22 AM on March 31, 2008

And what treatment do you offer for we poor souls who not only immediately recognized but started to sing the theme?
posted by Skorgu at 8:31 AM on March 31, 2008

What was truly outrageous about that show was how much better the Misfits were than the the freakin' Holograms. I mean, c'mon. It was no contest.
posted by dersins at 8:37 AM on March 31, 2008

They knew that, though. They tell you in the opening titles:

We are the Misfits
Our songs are better

I felt sorry for Jerrica's boyfriend (Rizzo? Rico?) - thinking he was pseudo-cheating by liking Jem when they were THE SAME PERSON. Bitch.
posted by goo at 8:46 AM on March 31, 2008

You know what I find annoying about buzzwords?

I can sit in a meeting and say, "You need to ideate your synergies and leverage your passions in order to redefine the paradigm," and everyone will nod their heads in agreement.

But if I say, "You need to build a website that reflects your mission and goals," they look confused and say I'm talking techie talk.

I'm not kidding. I severely dumbed down a e-mail recently about a project we need to do ("You would like a search engine on this application. We can do that, but it will take 40 developer hours to complete") and all I got from people was how "techie" it was. Some days I wonder if I should start using hand puppets.
posted by dw at 8:59 AM on March 31, 2008

And what treatment do you offer for we poor souls who not only immediately recognized but started to sing the theme?

And who still have it stuck in their heads forty minutes later. And probably will for the rest of the day. And who as much as they love Freezepop really wish that said band hadn't done a cover of said song. And who, growing up in the period where the cartoon in question was popular, insisted for a while on retaining the vestigial presence of their bio-father's last name as an interstitial between their middle name and their pragmatic Mom-got-remarried last name, not out of any particular loyalty to the retained surname itself so much as to add a crucially disruptive "D" to the otherwise uncomfortably cartoon-glam-rockish sequence created by virtue of their middle name being Edward.

I even have a quilt/blanket somewhere that my mom made for me when I was like seven years old, that features a rocket ship and the four-character sequence "J E D M" running vertically down it, and that D is in there because we had words on the subject.

Truly outrageous MY ASS.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:00 AM on March 31, 2008

goo said: "I felt sorry for Jerrica's boyfriend (Rizzo? Rico?) - thinking he was pseudo-cheating by liking Jem when they were THE SAME PERSON. Bitch."

Rio.

Skorgu said: "And what treatment do you offer for we poor souls who not only immediately recognized but started to sing the theme?"

Uh, a makeout session?
posted by pineapple at 9:07 AM on March 31, 2008

Thanks Pineapple - I am a CPA (but haven't worked in the corporate world for a while)so it actually may come up sometime. Now I can nod knowingly, and offer some cost/benefit analysis poop.
posted by readery at 9:27 AM on March 31, 2008

Whoa. Y'all are still here!

Been in no-wifi-anywhere-land for the last four days, and diving back into the green and blue feels overwhelming. Did I miss anything really good?

We were down in Anza Borrego Desert State Park, about two hours east of San Diego, for a birding trip. Made a day trip to the Salton Sea, and made a late-in-the-day brief stop at Salvation Mountain out by Slab City. Added 18 new-to-me birds to my list, the coolest of which by far was the roadrunner.

It's a different planet down there.
posted by rtha at 10:38 AM on March 31, 2008

I almost forgot the coolest thing we saw: the mud volcanoes northwest of Calapatria. Handy googlemaps view (the things in the field in the upper right corner of Davis and Schrimpf). They're about 8 feet tall, at most, and make a weird bubbling noise. Weird and beautiful.
posted by rtha at 11:06 AM on March 31, 2008

cortex, that story is adorable and I so remember being that age.

I felt sorry for Jerrica's boyfriend (Rizzo? Rico?) - thinking he was pseudo-cheating by liking Jem when they were THE SAME PERSON. Bitch.

Totally!
A philosopher friend of mine once got into a real fight with her philosopher husband, because she asked him "If I were replaced by an exact qualitative duplicate, would you love her as much?" and he said, with thoughtless honesty "yes".
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:44 AM on March 31, 2008

Wait-- how would he even notice? Also, that was a dumb thing for him to say.
posted by dersins at 12:42 PM on March 31, 2008

how would he even notice

Exactly.
It would be impossible to notice, because anything that's detectable by human senses would be covered under "qualitative" and would be duplicated.
Her getting annoyed was under the rationale of "you should love me for me", where the second "me" points to some non-qualitative features that make her her. (I enjoy this as an example of the very precise fights philosopher couples can have.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:53 PM on March 31, 2008

IANA philosopher, but it seems to me that there is one condition which might make the partner love the replaced partner less, and that would be if he knew there had been a switch.

Even if the qualitative differences were truly 0, the knowledge of the replacement could produce an uncertainty. The additional alertness to and sensitivity to behavior because of the the possibility of perceivable differences could create a weird feedback loop in which both people acted strange - suspicious and hyperattentive for the unchanged partner, defensive and exasperated for the other.
posted by Miko at 1:25 PM on March 31, 2008

Followup question for the philosopher husband: suppose the wife was replaced by two qualitative clones...
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:31 PM on March 31, 2008

If he were replaced by an exact qualitative duplicate, would he love her as much?
posted by matthewr at 3:07 PM on March 31, 2008

I enjoy this as an example of the very precise fights philosopher couples can have.

And I like it as an example of how philosphers can have their heads so far in the clouds as to not be capable of simple, practical interaction.

His response should have been "But what if I were replaced by an exact qualitative duplicate of you, and you with an exact qualitative duplicate of me?"

(to which her only possible response could be "D'aw! That's such a beautiful thought! [gush crush swoon sex]")
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:27 PM on March 31, 2008

PEBKAC
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:30 PM on March 31, 2008

IPECAC
posted by dersins at 5:37 PM on March 31, 2008

WYTAW?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:15 PM on March 31, 2008

Your ouija board is broken!
posted by not_on_display at 6:39 PM on March 31, 2008

Hey, one more MeTa comment from Ubu, and that'll be 1000! And jessamyn hit 5000 today, too! What a banner day!
posted by not_on_display at 6:41 PM on March 31, 2008

My ouija board is broken?

What you talking about, Willis?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:04 PM on March 31, 2008

wait, i used my 1000th comment referencing Diffrent Strokes, instead of Eardrum Buzz?!??
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:50 PM on March 31, 2008

Zee zee zee, zum zum. (buzz buzz). Buzz buzz, buzzbuzz in the eardrum.

(the comment was in reference to an acronym I didn't understand. Whenever I see one, I think, "damn ouija board is busted again." That's what's goin dowwwwwn, mister drummond.)

[not dana plato ist]
posted by not_on_display at 7:57 PM on March 31, 2008

Miko - you get full marks.

So, the Eardrum Buzz... what the hey is it? I don't know this Wire band. Were they huge in some non-US nation circa 1991? Or were they only huge among the cognoscenti? Or were they huge in the US and I somehow have never heard of them.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:59 PM on March 31, 2008

And congratulations on the 1000 mark. I only hope that one day I, too, can say, "What are those green things outside, are they trees? Oh, it looks so inviting! I'll click on the 'trees' after I respond to [username]'s comment!"

[oh, wait, I did say that today.]
posted by not_on_display at 8:02 PM on March 31, 2008

Wire was never huge, but made some great music. The Chairs Missing album is one of the hallmarks of what would later be called the "post-punk" movement.. at least I think (I'm still not sure what "post punk" is). Anyway, that album is like if Syd Barrett had remained with Pink Floyd in the 80's, in 1978.
posted by not_on_display at 8:04 PM on March 31, 2008

What if his wife was replaced by a robot made for lovin'? I mean, he might love her a little less, but probably more often.
posted by klangklangston at 8:05 PM on March 31, 2008

i am fully aware of the trees, and longing for them.

unfortunately, i am required to be on the factory floor all day.

shame, it's absolutely *perfect* outside today. currently 24 celsius, light coolish breeze, ocean still warm enough for a surf *sigh*

and Wire were - and remain - huge among the cognoscenti.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:51 PM on March 31, 2008

I felt sorry for Jerrica's boyfriend (Rizzo? Rico?) - thinking he was pseudo-cheating by liking Jem when they were THE SAME PERSON. Bitch.

Yeh, I felt the same way about Kate Bush's boyfriend, vis-a-vis Babooshka.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:00 PM on March 31, 2008

Psst! UbuRoivas - Strange reaction (for Wire) to 12XU, my Metafilter number neighbour.
posted by tellurian at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2008

The question reminds me of Hal Jordan's recurring narrative problem: Would you still love me if there were another me with superpowers and who wasn't a douchebag?
posted by klangklangston at 9:37 PM on March 31, 2008

psst, tellurian: Megas is mentioned in the song "Iceland" by The Fall which appeared on Hex Enduction Hour (1982). The song was recorded in Hljóðriti studio in Iceland in 1981. In a Melody Maker article about The Fall's stay in Iceland called "The Decline and Fall in Iceland" (published September 26th 1981) is this written about Megas: "Our hosts play us tapes of a man with a cracked voice and a Dylanish air and describe him as “the father of Icelandic rock’n’roll”. And they tell us the story of Megas, who ridiculed the sacred Sagas of the land, wrote scathing, surreal lyrics, got heavily into booze and drugs, was barred from radio and shunned by society. In 1979 he released a double album called “Plans For Suicide” announced his retirement, and hasn’t performed in public since he’s now a dock worker. Mark Smith is entranced by the story, and rivetted by the music., The following day Megas, a pale, gaunt figure, turns up at The Fall’s concert at the Austurboejarbio and shakes him by the hand. Mark will return to England clutching a parcel of Megas records under his arm."
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:54 PM on March 31, 2008

I ditch MeFi for four days to work on Marketing and this thread's only got 66 posts?

Weak, people, weak. We'll never hit 1500 by April 10.
posted by Phire at 2:36 AM on April 1, 2008

**66 new posts. Though I suppose it's 68, now. Teehee.
posted by Phire at 2:37 AM on April 1, 2008

It's going on 4 am, I have a sore throat and can't sleep and am basically just doing some mefi admin gruntwork to pass the time, but it's all okay because a crappy Google Time post that I just deleted was flagged by Your Time Machine Sucks.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:51 AM on April 1, 2008

What's a "Google Time" post entail? (immediately thought "Hammer Time")
posted by not_on_display at 4:29 AM on April 1, 2008

stop!
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:33 AM on April 1, 2008

Wire were - and remain - huge among the cognoscenti.

Damn right. I still remember how exciting it was to hear Wire for the first time (I think I'd read Christgau rave about them and ran out to get the record, and yes, once upon a time Robert Christgau was actually relevant and useful).

What's a "Google Time" post entail?

$20SAIT.
posted by languagehat at 5:58 AM on April 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

Waiting for a call with my boss that's been twice postponed. I think he knows that I want to talk about bad news. He doesn't like bad news at all. I fantasize that one day he will post an AskMe: "Dear MetaFilter, I have this totally awesome employee but she's always giving me bad news. Do I give her a raise, a promotion, or both?"
posted by pineapple at 9:18 AM on April 1, 2008

You better hope he doesn't; you know what the answers will be.
"DTMFA"
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:20 PM on April 1, 2008

Pineapple, your boss has been notified of your backtagging superstar status. That surely will get you a rise.
posted by Dr. Curare at 10:32 PM on April 1, 2008

Or we can give pineapple a rise right now.
posted by dw at 7:41 AM on April 2, 2008

brilliant! Thanks for the link, dw. That brought back 70's-childhood memories long forgotten.

Dr. Curare said: "Pineapple, your boss has been notified of your backtagging superstar status. That surely will get you a rise."

Now I just have to convince him that, in MetaFilterLand, tagging a WHOLE 32 POSTS really does make me a superstar.
posted by pineapple at 8:21 AM on April 2, 2008

brilliant! Thanks for the link, dw. That brought back 70's-childhood memories long forgotten.

Remember when instrumentals were a big thing? "Rise?" "Feels So Good?" "Music Box Dancer?" "Chariots of Fire?"

The last instrumental to reach #1 on the US Hot 100 was the theme from Miami Vice in 1985. 23 years ago now. No instrumental has cracked the US top 10 singles chart this decade.
posted by dw at 11:05 AM on April 2, 2008

"Hooked on Classical?"
"Watermelon Man?"
posted by Miko at 11:12 AM on April 2, 2008

"Hooked on Classical?"

Top 5 in '81, IIRC.

"Watermelon Man?"

I never knew until just now that Herbie Hancock wrote it.

I wonder if what killed instrumentals as hits was smooth jazz. "Songbird" by Kenny G was a #4 hit in 1987. After that, he's the only artist to have a top 10 instrumental hit for the next 12 years.

It could also be that yacht rock became the Boomers' easy listening, and Michael McDonald their Bert Kaempfert.
posted by dw at 11:21 AM on April 2, 2008

I didn't know it was a Herbie Hancock song either, until I heard this recent NPR special on him. It's a good program.
posted by Miko at 11:52 AM on April 2, 2008

"yacht rock" ftw.

I wonder if the death of instrumentals as singles is due to the increase in research-driven programming on radio stations. If the research shows that 20% of people will switch stations during an instrumental they don't already know, it just won't get played at all. (?)
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:15 PM on April 2, 2008

LobsterMitten said: ""yacht rock" ftw."

I know, right? Between introducing me to the phrase "yacht rock" and the totes awesome Herb Alpert video, dw is my boyfriend today.

Guess what? This page has grown so big that my phone refuses to load it (as in "This page is too big to load, please navigate to a smaller page" error message).

#1388! Don't! Stop! Now!
posted by pineapple at 1:20 PM on April 2, 2008

Well, yacht rock isn't mine, of course.

dw is my boyfriend today.

Oh please. My heart belongs to Miko. Figuratively. Legally, half of it belongs to my wife, Washington being a community property state.
posted by dw at 3:05 PM on April 2, 2008

Y'all can entertain yourselves a bit with my mixtape.
posted by klangklangston at 3:38 PM on April 2, 2008

dw said: 'dw is my boyfriend today.' 'Oh please.'

Well, in that case, I DIDN'T ask you to dance. I said, YOU LOOK FAT IN THOSE PANTS.
posted by pineapple at 3:41 PM on April 2, 2008

NOBODY PUTS DW IN A CORNER!!!!!!!
posted by dw at 4:05 PM on April 2, 2008

Could a tiger put you in a corner? What if it was a tiger with a midget riding its back, and the midget had a taser gun. Would that put you in a corner?

Or more importantly, will you be doing research on how many 4 years you can take in a fight? Is that really why you posted that question about "birthday parties". Are you trying to do a mythbusters type plausible / confirmed test? Hmmmm?
posted by mrzarquon at 4:13 PM on April 2, 2008

Here was the story from the faculty lunch table today. There's a nudie bar about 20 miles away, out in the country. A bunch of old timers talking about this, sort of laughing. And one older prof says:

Yeah, I went there once with some buddies about ten years ago. I hadn't ever been there, at was fun. One of the dancers was doing her thing near me, and she leaned over and whispered in my ear. I couldn't understand at first so I asked her to repeat it... She said 'So, are you still teaching chemistry?'
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:22 PM on April 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

And pineapple, I didn't mean to break your heart. Here, here's some more 1970s instrumental video love for you.
posted by dw at 4:24 PM on April 2, 2008

Wow, talk about yacht rock -- I'm pretty sure the first time I heard that song was at a clambake at the harbor. Chin chin, my good man.
posted by pineapple at 5:55 PM on April 2, 2008

(Oh, and we're still broken up. So, nyeh.)
posted by pineapple at 5:56 PM on April 2, 2008

You people are real troopers.

~~Chin chin~~ Penis, my good man.
posted by CKmtl at 6:20 PM on April 2, 2008

Time for another milestone?
posted by dersins at 6:29 PM on April 2, 2008

1400 it is!
posted by dersins at 6:30 PM on April 2, 2008

(Oh, and we're still broken up. So, nyeh.)

Fine. With this one you'll either forgive me or be waiting to Jack Nicklaus tee off in the 1977 US Open.
posted by dw at 8:16 PM on April 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

Speaking of more awesome than is strictly required... who's excited for BSG tomorrow?
posted by heeeraldo at 10:35 AM on April 3, 2008

who's excited for BSG tomorrow?

Oh, me! And thanks for the reminder - I have to email some friends who host a BSG get-together and find out what I should bring. Usually, the only ingredients required for the evening are martinis (supplied by the hosts), the television (likewise), and plenty of snark (contributed by all). But what with this being the last season premier, I'm thinking we should have good snacks, or something.
posted by rtha at 11:36 AM on April 3, 2008

My Tivo's "Now Playing" list looks something like this:

Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Ni Hao, Kai-lan
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:43 AM on April 3, 2008

At least you still have what we call "grown-up TV" on your TiVo. I have a full season of Doctor Who that's been basically unwatched, last night's Daily and Colbert, a few Good Eats episodes, and I think an Office rerun. The other 60 hours? Pretty much everything Noggin and PBS Kids shows.
posted by dw at 12:39 PM on April 3, 2008

corpse: Ni Hao, Kai-lan

I mis-parsed that as Ni Hao, Gai-Lan, and wondered why there would be a show about dark leafy (tasty) greens. I mean, I love me some gai-lan in oyster sauce... but as entertainment?
posted by heeeraldo at 12:48 PM on April 3, 2008

Battlestar Galactica
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood

Hmm, this brings to mind the possibility of a great crossover, where Cylons invade the Neighborhood of Make-Believe; King Friday is ready to cede them control just to make sure his people are safe, but X the Owl ain't going to take that shit and forms an underground rebellion. It culminates in a scene where Queen Sara Saturday is laying down suppressing fire while Henrietta Pussycat tries to equip the Train to Make-believe with the kiloton nuke that they are going to use to 'blow those toasters back to frack'.

I'd watch that in a heartbeat.
posted by quin at 1:12 PM on April 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

More random dumpster-diving: old thread about NikkiCraft related stuff (which I got to via an even older thread about wdpeck, then-merely-alleged child molester and about whom Nikki was writing a lot at the time on her hall of shame site, hence her intro to mefi) in which she calls me "Cortex" with the quotes and everything. Grr. (In a sentence where she clarifies that a smiley at the end of a sentence always makes everything okay. So she was being "provocative", not provocative.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:25 PM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Cortex", you forgot to close your parenthesis after that one-eyed smiley.
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:42 PM on April 3, 2008

Wait, who is NikkiCraft?
posted by pineapple at 1:42 PM on April 3, 2008

TWENTY PEOPLE SAME AS IN TOWN .) .) .)
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:50 PM on April 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

Man, following that rabbit hole further down: there's this Ellis parody in the NikkiCraft FPP that spawned the above-linked metatalk thread, from user ori, whose name rung a bell. Turns out he's the guy who was convinced FiestyFerret was a big liar back when that was the topic of discussion, and he abandoned that account thereafter, apparently.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:57 PM on April 3, 2008

Are you trying to ruin any productivity I may have, cortex? Some of us have hours of ~~Ni Hao, Kai-lan~~ BSG to watch, you know.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:42 PM on April 3, 2008

Ni Hao, Cy-lon!

Mister Adama's Neighborhood

Starbuck Street

D'Anna Tales, D'Anna Tales, it's almost time for D'Anna Tales

Six, Six, Six, Six, let's sing a song about Six. How many is Six? Six!
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:56 PM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

Damn, you people are old.
posted by Phire at 3:46 PM on April 3, 2008

.) .) .)

Wow, it's ASCII-art Eccentrica Gallumbits.
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:20 PM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I was making a comment on the alternate universe post in the blue when I heard a sigh and a moan.

My typing had accidentally tickled cortex's last comment's outlaying erogenous zones.
posted by Dr. Curare at 8:17 PM on April 3, 2008

Okay, are any of y'all playing over at XSketch.com? It's like low-tech online group Pictionary, with no downloads. I just found it today via JiG, and I'm playing like it's crack -- but also, secretly wishing that there were MeFites playing too.
posted by pineapple at 10:39 PM on April 3, 2008

That is actually addictive like crack, pineapple. Curses.
posted by Phire at 2:58 AM on April 4, 2008

i've always thought that cornflakes look a bit like people.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:10 AM on April 4, 2008

What you're saying is that the people you know look like cornflakes, amirite?
posted by languagehat at 6:02 AM on April 4, 2008

Oops, forgot the smiley: .)
posted by languagehat at 6:03 AM on April 4, 2008

Phire said: "That is actually addictive like crack, pineapple. Curses."

I *thought* that was you last night!

The people I know look like Frosted Mini-Wheats.
posted by pineapple at 6:13 AM on April 4, 2008

.) is that a pirate's smiley? Yarr.
posted by adamrice at 7:00 AM on April 4, 2008

Today's single link YouTube instrumental post: Classical Gas, 1968.

The horn bridge was used as the local news theme for a bunch of local affiliates in the 1970s.
posted by dw at 7:32 AM on April 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

No, this is the Xenu love-child smiley •:).

And can I just say, it really pisses me off when people confuse their obscure cult-referencing emoticons. Let's try to get it right.
•) Xenu smiles upon you
•:) Xenu's children are enjoying their kool-aid
‡( You have pissed off Norsefire
⚇ The grays are watching you
⚆ The pirate grays are watching you
™ | The Maharishi is levitating above you
☽⩶ Reverend Moon is going to officiate at your mass wedding.
posted by adamrice at 8:12 AM on April 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

*rents boat*
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:41 PM on April 4, 2008

*wanders by, looks at boat*

Say, mister, looks like you got took. That there boat's got a hole's big as a silver dollar right smack dab in the bottom of 'er.

*takes swig from hip flask, belches*
posted by languagehat at 1:13 PM on April 4, 2008

you're gonna need a bigger boat.
posted by shmegegge at 1:20 PM on April 4, 2008

*randles*
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:51 PM on April 4, 2008

You know, if one scans LH's last comment very quickly, it looks like he said *felches*.

Talk about your spit-takes!
posted by pineapple at 2:15 PM on April 4, 2008

*hydrotherapy consoles*
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:23 PM on April 4, 2008

Today's story from the faculty lunch table:

Professor has spent a long agonizing lecture trying to get through the finer points of the Waste Land; is now beginning to feel like he's made progress. Students have looks similar to comprehension, rather than blank hostility. He finishes, and asks in an expansive spirit "So, do you have any questions?" Stillness, quiet. Finally a student raises her hand, looking confident. He calls on her... "Is there a Coke machine in this building?"

... Well, yes, there is, the prof answers. Good mood slightly diminished but still feeling in the zone. He gamely asks again "So, any other questions?" Again, pause, stillness. The same student raises her hand: "Can I borrow 60 cents?"
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:23 PM on April 4, 2008

This is apocryphal, no?
posted by dersins at 2:56 PM on April 4, 2008

I mean, Coke machines have been more than 60 cents for quite awhile now.
posted by dersins at 2:57 PM on April 4, 2008

There's a coke machine in my building that is 60 cents. Per-item prices are often* established at the vending customer's discretion, with the vending contracter just requiring a certain baseline monthly take plus a set commission on individual sales regardless of what the customer wants to charge their vendees. So if a vending customer is willing to take a loss (or not make much money, at least) on a machine, they can totally lowball the prices.

^*in my ridiculously limited experience. Do not quote me.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:14 PM on April 4, 2008

cortex: "There's a coke machine in my building that is 60 cents. Per-item prices are often* established at the vending customer's discretion, with the vending contracter just requiring a certain baseline monthly take plus a set commission on individual sales regardless of what the customer wants to charge their vendees. So if a vending customer is willing to take a loss (or not make much money, at least) on a machine, they can totally lowball the prices.

^*in my ridiculously limited experience. Do not quote me."

no.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:34 PM on April 4, 2008

I was taking it that the student had some money but needed to borrow the difference.

Although there are vending machines outside the local Safeway here that have some kind of sub-generic cola ("Go Cola" maybe?) that's 35 cents a can.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:07 PM on April 4, 2008

that's 35 cents a can.

You know, when I scanned that very quickly, it looked like it said "35 cents a ton."

And I thought, Man, I want to try that stuff.
posted by languagehat at 5:11 PM on April 4, 2008

You would.

I have no idea what I mean by that, but you have to admit it sounds plausible...
posted by dersins at 6:12 PM on April 4, 2008

Why did my "Can I borrow 60 cents?" AskMe get deleted?

Can I borrow 60 cents?
posted by Dr. Curare at 6:54 PM on April 4, 2008

It ends tonight...
posted by Tenuki at 6:56 PM on April 4, 2008

It ends tonight? How? why? We aren't ANYWHERE NEAR OUR GOAL!*

*NB: there may or may not be a goal.
posted by pineapple at 9:47 PM on April 4, 2008

It can't end tonight.

Favorite color in the Crayola 64 color box?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:38 PM on April 4, 2008

Forest green. And midnight blue.
posted by rtha at 11:44 PM on April 4, 2008

Also, the Battlestar Galactica season premier was fantastic. Anybody else watch?
posted by rtha at 11:46 PM on April 4, 2008

(I won't spoilerize anything, I promise.)
posted by rtha at 11:47 PM on April 4, 2008

I can't believe Starbuck was actually Luke Skywalker's father.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:52 AM on April 5, 2008

He made damn good coffee, I'll tell you that.
posted by languagehat at 6:40 AM on April 5, 2008

The return of Lee Adama and company almost makes up for having to go with Captain Jack Harkness' crew for a while.

And obviously not spoilers, merely guesses, but I want them on record when I turn out to be right:

1) Lee is a Cylon.
2) When we reach Earth? It'll be well in the past.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 7:14 AM on April 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

(go without)
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 7:15 AM on April 5, 2008

I'm going with an entirely new character for the Fifth and Final Cylon reveal. It's unfair in ordinary storytelling to introduce a pivotal character at the end of a story, but so what? There have been plenty of unfair revelations and turns in Moore's story so far, and they've gotten away with the big ones every time, in my view.

So, yeah, I'm saying the Big Kahuna Cylon will be somebody we haven't seen before in the show. Also, it'll probably be a recognizable star actor, someone the fans will love to see.
posted by cgc373 at 8:44 AM on April 5, 2008

So, yeah, I'm saying the Big Kahuna Cylon will be somebody we haven't seen before in the show. Also, it'll probably be a recognizable star actor, someone the fans will love to see.

I think it'll be a computer-generated version of Lorne Greene.
posted by dw at 8:51 AM on April 5, 2008

I keep going back to when the Leoben said "Adama is a Cylon." We all just ASSUMED he meant Bill, and then that he was just screwing with people. But why did we assume Bill Adama?

(An obvious flaw there being that it seems that the rank and file cylons wouldn't know who is and isn't, but it could still be a clue from the writers....)

But I'm just spitballing. It's my theory.

I think it'll be a computer-generated version of Lorne Greene.

Dirk. Fucking. Benedict.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:05 AM on April 5, 2008

well the world don't move...
posted by shmegegge at 9:15 AM on April 5, 2008

to the beat of just one drum
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:20 AM on April 5, 2008

It seems like the identity of the last cylon has already been leaked, both cgc373 and JKF were right.
posted by Dr. Curare at 10:57 AM on April 5, 2008

Dirk. Fucking. Benedict.

No, better: David Leisure pretending to be Dirk Benedict, before being confronted by an out-of-character Dirk Benedict on the subject, leading to an increasingly surreal and unhinged series of events that culminate in a swiringly, psychedelic cacophony of sound and images and then:

Lorne Green wakes, gasping, in bed. He sits up and breaths for few seconds, visible reorienting himself, and then he turns to face the camera and confides his revelation: "It was all...just a dream!"

Roll credits.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:40 AM on April 5, 2008

Have I been missing something by not watching Battlestar Galactica? As much as I loved the original series (and the original Star Trek) when I was a kid, I've never really been able to get into science fiction TV shows that take themselves too seriously (Babylon 5, I'm looking at you.

But there's been so much positive press about Battlestar Galactica, that I'm beginning to reconsider my position.

Anyone feel passionately enough one way or the other to try to convince me?
posted by dersins at 12:16 PM on April 5, 2008

Adama turns out to be the big Cylon, all hell breaks loose, then he's hit in the head with a golf ball...

...only to wake up in a hospital hooked up to all sorts of machines. Starbuck, dressed like a doctor, says,

"You're awake. Well, that was a close one there, wasn't it? But the emergency bypass surgery was a success.

"Your calculus class would like to see you now, Mr. Escalante."

to black, credits
posted by dw at 12:20 PM on April 5, 2008

dersins,

I was in the same situation. For a while every conversation with coworkers and roommates was a BSG conversation. I think the series is OK, but the episodes are too fucking long and full of character building, tension building, misdirection, emotional exploration and all that writerly storytelling crap.

The only way I can bear to watch it is with fast forward capabilities. Based on what I hear from true fans when they describe new episodes scene by scene and try to figure out what it all means, you don't lose much if you turn each episode into a 10 to 12 minute exercise in skim-watching.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:45 PM on April 5, 2008

Anyone feel passionately enough one way or the other to try to convince me?

I don't know if this will sell you or not, dersins.

The writing's really tight. The acting's good. The production values are fucking gorgeous. Plot and characters are, on the whole, excellent. And it's plot and character that are the core here, not gadgets or OMG, ALIENS!

Scifi's never really been my thing; I've picked around the edges of the genre (both written and TV/movies) for years, but I never really liked any of the incarnations of Star Trek; I found the first BSG awful and cheesy; I vaguely remember liking Space 1999.

The new BSG does take itself pretty seriously, true - although you should watch (it's online at scifi.com) the 8-Minute Recap, which is accurate and narrated with tongue firmly in cheek. It's a lot of metaphor and analogy; my partner stopped watching it early in the first season because it sometimes felt like watching news about Iraq, but with everyone in space, instead. But to me, it's not a science fiction TV show that takes itself seriously; it's a TV show about war (that takes place in space) that takes itself seriously. I don't know if that will be true from your perception, or if that will make a difference to you.

It isn't perfect. Parts of the 3rd season were just...well, they weren't good. The writers and producers made some choices I wouldn't have made in terms of story arcs, but hey, I skipped the eps I couldn't stand, stayed caught up by reading recaps, and happily joined a bunch of folks for Gay Geek Night to watch the season premier on Friday, which ended with all of us cheering and applauding. And speculating.

Give a it a shot. Watch the miniseries and the first couple eps of season 1, and if you hate it, well...if we're ever at a meetup together, I owe you a drink or two. But if you like good television, you owe it to yourself to give this series some consideration.
posted by rtha at 12:56 PM on April 5, 2008

I see Dr. Curare and I have very different takes on things.

but the episodes are too fucking long and full of character building, tension building, misdirection, emotional exploration and all that writerly storytelling crap.

I really don't see why these are bad things, especially in a television show, a medium generally known best for its formulaic plots, thin writing, and flat characters, but to each her own.
posted by rtha at 1:02 PM on April 5, 2008

rtha, one of us has to recalibrate their humormeter. Probably me.
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:05 PM on April 5, 2008

FIRST!
on preview: I guess not...
posted by dawson at 1:13 PM on April 5, 2008

Costco in Seattle on a Saturday: What's the best metaphor for the experience?

a. Running Of The Bulls performed by people in REI anoraks
b. Disaster film panic with HDTVs and food samples
c. The 1973-74 Oil Embargo reenacted by shopping carts
d. All of the above, only performed by a troupe of Cirque de Soleil knockoffs made up of pasty white obese Americans and pasty white Asian-Americans?
posted by dw at 2:07 PM on April 5, 2008

You know, Doc, I was thinking about your comment while I was out running errands (tried to buy some sneakers at the Sketchers outlet - nothing I liked in my size, sadly), and once the cup of Phliz coffee kicked in, I dope-slapped myself. Apologies for the clueless callout!
posted by rtha at 2:47 PM on April 5, 2008

Well, I made the comment before my Philz. I am finishing a (now cold) large Soooo Good. I am moving through all the different coffees. What's your favorite?

Did you go to the Philz on 24? I was there when the live music was playing. The keyboard was too loud, could hardly hear the upright bass, and the singer had a nice voice, but I could not make out the words.
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:55 PM on April 5, 2008

I had an Ecstatic Iced Coffee, with cream and sugar, so it tastes like drinking the world's best coffee ice cream. Ecstasy indeed.

Yep, the 24th st. store, though there was no live music when I stopped by around...1:30ish? 2ish? After the Giants lost to the Brewers, anyway. How's the Soooo Good? I nearly ordered that.

BTW, there's an active raven's nest on the back of the Sketchers' sign. Yay.
posted by rtha at 3:06 PM on April 5, 2008

The Soooo Good is good, it was surprising that it is the closest in smell and taste to Ritual's coffee. I am partial to light roasts, so I liked it. I was there at 12:45 more or less.

I wonder how many times I have crossed paths with mefites without realizing. I always miss the meetups, it is like the company checks the meetup calendar and schedules live releases to match. Every single SF meetup has taken place when I am exhausted after 36 hours of coding.

Do you mean Skechers sign?

I can see the old Mission theater sign from my patio, and a bit of the Skechers sign. I always know when the falcons are on the sign because the pigeons go quiet.

I have been trying to get a nice silhouette picture of ravens to trace for a poster. Ravens can detect the infra red beam form the autofocus mechanism, and it causes them to shake, I am sure, because all my pictures are of blurry black things.

The best place to see ravens is around Cole and 28th, they are all over the place, and it looks great when they stand on the old Victorian houses there.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:22 PM on April 5, 2008

BTW rtha, how does it look when the Government Office for Elderly Affairs eats the Bangkok Network of Money?

I have only witnessed the Department of Homeland Security swallow whole the Immigration and Naturalization Service, and it was not nice.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:26 PM on April 5, 2008

Why did I type Bangkok Network of Money? Bangkok Network of Women!

Worst Freudian Slip I've had since late yourmother last year.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:34 PM on April 5, 2008

I just popped in to say that I'm going to Hawaii today! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
posted by goshling at 3:49 PM on April 5, 2008

dw: Costco in Seattle on a Saturday: What's the best metaphor for the experience?

a. Running Of The Bulls performed by people in REI anoraks
b. Disaster film panic with HDTVs and food samples
c. The 1973-74 Oil Embargo reenacted by shopping carts
d. All of the above, only performed by a troupe of Cirque de Soleil knockoffs made up of pasty white obese Americans and pasty white Asian-Americans?

You forgot, the hunt for the great parking space. And the arrangement of children and boxes to fit them all into / ontop of their SUV.

Everytime I am at costco, I remind myself that murder is still illegal, and I am not allowed to bite people. Also, I will reward my good behavior with a trip to smarty pants.

Also: Enjoy Hawaii Goshling!
posted by mrzarquon at 3:57 PM on April 5, 2008

They have Costco in Hawaii?
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:14 PM on April 5, 2008

Skechers, dammit!

One raven was having a heckuva time approaching the nest, it was so windy. Hope the nest is anchored solidly to the sign.

Since my first meetup (in Dec., when mathowie was in town), I imagine that every time I'm on the bus, or waiting in line at the grocery store, I am no more than 6 feet from a mefite. Y'all aren't actually spiders, are you? I will certainly add Philz to that list now.

Seeing a GOEA catch and eat a BNOW, I was impressed at how neat the GOEA was; it was ground-perched, sitting sort of on top of the BNOW, and in a few minutes, there was a wide circle of feathers around it. Felt bad for the BNOW, but it was a pretty cool thing to see. (Actually, didn't see the GOEA catch the BNOW; we saw the GOEA, and it flew away for a couple of minutes to the other side of the cliff, out of our sight. When it came back it had something large and pale in its talons.)

Re: Costco: This only works for us during football season, but we discovered that going when the 49ers are playing, especially if they're at home, is a near-guarantee for an empty store. I also become murderous, and have to be dropped off in the book section to calm down.

goshling - aloha!
posted by rtha at 4:26 PM on April 5, 2008

They have Costco in Hawaii?

Costco is huge in Hawaii; their highest volume store in the world is in suburban Honolulu.

They had 24-packs of Mexican Coke (made with real sugar) today. And in glass bottles, too. $18. And yet, I didn't buy them because I decided I must lose this weight before the doc orders me to.
posted by dw at 5:09 PM on April 5, 2008

COCA COLA USA FRUCTOSA
♦ La compañía mexicana Coca-Cola Femsa, la segunda embotelladora de productos Coca-Cola en el mundo, dijo que está usando jarabe de maíz de alta fructosa en vez de azúcar en parte de su producción, lo que podría desatar las protestas del sector azucarero. Héctor Treviño, director de Finanzas, en una entrevista telefónica con analistas, dijo que la conocida como KOF, la embotelladora ha ganado un amparo para evitar pagar impuestos especiales “exorbitantes” si utiliza jarabe de maíz de alta fructosa para hacer refrescos. El Sol de México, 8-F / Milenio, 31

Short version in English: Coca-Cola in Mexico is using high fructose corn syrup in part of its production. CocaCola got an Amparo (legal stuff worthy of a FPP) so it does not have to pay high taxes for using HFCS (taxes that in part protect the sugarcane industry).

These taxes are the main reason they still use real sugar. Last time I was there, I could taste the difference between glass bottled coke bought directly at the bottling plant in Zapopan and canned coke I got in the airplane to LAX, bottled at the Mexicali plant. Glass bottled coke from mexico does not list ingredients, so unless you have tasted the real stuff for reference, you could be getting the HFCS stuff at costco.
posted by Dr. Curare at 6:10 PM on April 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

I believe the cases do have the ingredients listed.

I will have to check. One of my favorite things about visiting seattle's costco? besides smarty pants, the 4th street liquor store is on the way there, so I can pickup a bottle of hard to find bourbon or whisky (they have some small batch stuff called Jefferson Whiskey/bourbon there that is quite good btw).
posted by mrzarquon at 6:21 PM on April 5, 2008

so unless you have tasted the real stuff for reference, you could be getting the HFCS stuff at costco.

But if you have tasted the real stuff, it's very easy to tell the difference based on taste alone.
posted by Miko at 6:49 PM on April 5, 2008

Glass bottled coke from mexico does not list ingredients, so unless you have tasted the real stuff for reference, you could be getting the HFCS stuff at costco.

There was an ingredients label on the case that listed sugar as the #2 ingredient. Label was in English, BTW; probably required for import.

Glass bottled coke from mexico does not list ingredients, so unless you have tasted the real stuff for reference, you could be getting the HFCS stuff at costco.

I always thought this wasn't true, and then one day I actually had an HFCS Coke and a Mexican Coke side-by-side and noticed the Mexican Coke was a little less sweet and a little more complex than the HFCS Coke.

Agua Verde used to sell Mexican Cokes, but now it's all canned stuff. They barely have any canned/bottled Mexican drinks anymore, either. Considering how incredibly busy they are with the UW crowd at lunch, I'm amazed they cut those expenses.
posted by dw at 7:43 PM on April 5, 2008

dw- could cost of every hip place now serving it.

Btw this is painfully slow to type on my phone from a bar.

Anyone have suggestions on what to do on Capitol hill when everyone you know is out of town?
posted by mrzarquon at 8:00 PM on April 5, 2008

Anyone have suggestions on what to do on Capitol hill when everyone you know is out of town?

Go to Quinn's, get a burger and some of the ridiculously delicious fries. The ones that are like poutine except with demiglace and fontina. But skip the optional foie gras, because even though foie gras is delicious as fuck, it's a bit much to add to those fries.
posted by dersins at 9:03 PM on April 5, 2008

Come on people, 13 more comments and I can go to sleep.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:48 AM on April 6, 2008

Rock-a-bye, Dr. Curare...
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:32 AM on April 6, 2008

Why did I type Bangkok Network of Money? Bangkok Network of Women!

Best typo I've seen in ages. And I've been enjoying the Philz/Skechers/Costco back-and-forth. Way to keep a thread going, guys! We'll make our next milestone without breaking a sweat!
posted by languagehat at 6:53 AM on April 6, 2008

cortex is bound to show up soon with some kind of fourteen-ninety Columbus string, languagehat, so yeah, we shouldn't have any trouble with the big round numbers.

Anybody notice there's been more than 24 hours without a MeTa?
posted by cgc373 at 7:54 AM on April 6, 2008

By fourteen hundred ninety one
"Columbus string" seemed overdone.

Anybody notice there's been more than 24 hours without a MeTa?

It has been, but just barely—we deleted this yesterday morning.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:01 AM on April 6, 2008

I've been watching that MeTa next-post spot intently.
And if you guys can delete posts to keep it quiet in there, well, we should be golden until this thread ends because all the chattishness will have to come in here. Go cortex, you can do it. Valhalla awaits for this thread if you do your bit.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:28 AM on April 6, 2008

I think Meatloaf should put out a Viking album. And the title track would be "Valhalla can Wait".
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:40 AM on April 6, 2008

I don't understand why people don't choose usernames they like in the first place. "When I joined I got excited and slammed my hand down on the keyboard and got vgkjhyi, and I can never remember how to spell it and now I'd like to be called AwesomeMeFiGuy!" Sucks to be you, pal. Pay your five bucks and take a number.
posted by languagehat at 9:42 AM on April 6, 2008

Just five more comments, by the way.
posted by languagehat at 9:42 AM on April 6, 2008

I wonder how many people are trying to snipe on 1500.
posted by grouse at 10:01 AM on April 6, 2008

me too.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:11 AM on April 6, 2008

hey, what happened there?
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:14 AM on April 6, 2008

hm, seems to be working fine now.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:15 AM on April 6, 2008

Also featuring:

- "I Would Pillage Anything for Love (But I Won't Rape That)"
- "Bjyrn out of Helsinki"
- "You Took the Mutton Right Outta my Mouth"
- "Paradise By the Ship's Bow Light"
- "All Berserked up with No Place to Loot"
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:15 AM on April 6, 2008

Where?
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:15 AM on April 6, 2008

*scratches butt*
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:16 AM on April 6, 2008

My question was directed at UbuRoivas, but really, it works as a response to most of the posts in this thread.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2008

Even that one. Eew.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2008

NOOOOOOOO!

I DID NOT SET THE ALARM FOR 3:15 AM TO BE PIPPED AT THE POST!

I DEMAND THAT MY SECOND "ME TOO" BE REINSTATED YOU HORRIBLE CHEAT!
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:20 AM on April 6, 2008

Oh you are not gonna walk in here and besmirch my administrative honor, buddy. I'll get Jim Steinman coked up and make him write a whole album about the relative superiority of my moral milkshake.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:30 AM on April 6, 2008

YOUR COKED UP JIM STEINMAN IS NO MATCH FOR MY USAGE OF BOLD CAPITALS!
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:39 AM on April 6, 2008

BOLD AND ITALICS

Man, where did I put my Serifs?

(And for those wondering, I ended up starting at cafe metro, getting in touch with some friends who were still here, grabbing some more beer at the Satellite, went to fremont for the Audiooasis show by KEXP, got to see some weird seattle rap, then decided that what my stomach really needed was biscuits and gravy, so I went to Hurricane. After the first biscuit, i realized what I really needed was sleep, so I went home and went to sleep. I have been to Quin's before, so I know their awesomeness that is their french fries. Also they do some wicked stuff with oxtail and gnochi. Dersins, were you at the seattle meetup? you should have been. Next time I think we are going to georgetown).
posted by mrzarquon at 10:55 AM on April 6, 2008

I so enjoy the phrase "pipped at the post", especially after the viking talk. I enjoy an alternate history where [whoa crazy squirrels outside my office window, which is at ground level!].. ahem, where vikings invaded England and settled down, and in the early 20th c. it's their descendants who were the especially effete English upperclass.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:35 PM on April 6, 2008

Also we are so pushing this thing to 2K. Four days, right? Come on. 125 comments a day --we can totally do it if we stay focused and committed. C'mon team.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:36 PM on April 6, 2008

Hey Pacific Northwest, you guys stink on ice!
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:37 PM on April 6, 2008

You can't stink on ice. being cold reduces rate at which volatile chemicals (ie smells) travel, which is why the wonderful hobo alleys of new york only really get their aroma during 80% humidity on the 90 degree days.

Unless of course, you are implying that we stink on the hockey rink, which I would not doubt. Being in the pacific northwest we rarely have severe freezes. So there is not much ice for us to practice on.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:52 PM on April 6, 2008

There is a pidgeon outside my hobbitesque seattle apartment, right at the ground level with the window, which has caused both of my cats to sit in the window chattering at it.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:55 PM on April 6, 2008

in order to do my part for the 2k project. I suggest we replace carriage returns with the post button.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:55 PM on April 6, 2008

Post 1515! Also, safari doesn't even know what to do with this page, after posting I have to use end to get all the way down here.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:56 PM on April 6, 2008

Even greasemonkey/firefox is not happy with it! 484 posts to go!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:58 PM on April 6, 2008

Safari, eh? More like 'Shitfari', amirite?
posted by chrismear at 12:59 PM on April 6, 2008

There's an ice rink not too far from me. Maybe we could have a Meetup there sometime? Then we could find out if we stink on ice.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:01 PM on April 6, 2008

I don't know if we will stink on ice, but we will probably be bruised and / or have broken bones on ice. At least a damaged coccyx.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:03 PM on April 6, 2008

Is he coming, too?
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:13 PM on April 6, 2008

both of my cats

I hate to tell you, mrzarquon, but your cats are thinking seriously about killing and eating you. I know that look.
posted by languagehat at 1:14 PM on April 6, 2008

Say, got any of those biscuits left over? I do love biscuits and gravy.
posted by languagehat at 1:14 PM on April 6, 2008

Sorry, I couldn't bring myself to take them home with me. They were a mark of my late night food failure. Also they weren't that good, and I don't think you'd want cold gelatinous sausage gravy.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:17 PM on April 6, 2008

No, no I don't. But that reminds me: you're not supposed to reheat risotto, and yet we find ourselves with a portion of leftover risotto. Any ideas on how to most successfully avoid its turning into a gluey mass?

(What do you mean, take it to AskMe? How are we going to hit milestones if I take my problems to AskMe?)
posted by languagehat at 1:28 PM on April 6, 2008

make risotto pancakes?
posted by mrzarquon at 1:40 PM on April 6, 2008

There's an ice rink not too far from me. Maybe we could have a Meetup there sometime? Then we could find out if we stink on ice.

I do stink on ice. I can't skate. My wife used to take lessons there before the daughter was born.

The daughter is 4 today. We got Cupcake Royale for her.
posted by dw at 2:01 PM on April 6, 2008

Oh, to tie the threads together, I passed by Highland Ice Rink on the way home from Costco last night.
posted by dw at 2:01 PM on April 6, 2008

I really wish that Kylie Minogue's "German Bold Italic" was a better song. I mean, it's the best song about a font that I can think of, but it's really kind of boring and overlong. It's got a good hook, but it's almost seven minutes long, has a lame "jazzy" break, and whenever Kylie's doing her spoken-word bridge it's just, like, so dumb.

I wish there were more songs about fonts too. Garamond, particularly. But Helvetica probably already has some, as should comic sans.
posted by klangklangston at 2:16 PM on April 6, 2008

Dude, remix it.
posted by chrismear at 2:21 PM on April 6, 2008

So I have been playing Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, and let me tell you: rail shooters are back, motherfuckers. Hell yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:21 PM on April 6, 2008

cortex: would you reccomend someone picking up a Wii to play it? I haven't ever played RE, but i keep getting the idea that I would like it.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:24 PM on April 6, 2008

Also, I lost my voice a couple days ago, just in time for a Harvey Girls show, which, well, shit. Backup vocals, though, and Melissa has pipes like crazy so no one in the crowd would have really known better, but it was still shit timing.

And yesterday I took advantage of this by recording a couple of rediculously raspy, uneven covers that may or may not turn out to sound like such ass that I'll never post them and the only evidence that they exist will be this comment in a thread that about a dozen of us are still reading and which no one else will ever care about.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:25 PM on April 6, 2008

You can't stink on ice. being cold reduces rate at which volatile chemicals (ie smells) travel

Dude, the point is you stink so much, that even when you're on ice you still stink. Your stink is that powerful.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:28 PM on April 6, 2008

about risotto: my usual method is to reheat a bit in microwave, add extra virgin olive oil, stir, reheat a bit more, add fresh pecorino romano or whatever hard cheese you have on hand and enjoy. Ok, it gets a little gluey, but it's still delicious.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:31 PM on April 6, 2008

Does anybody know if Vikings knew how to ice skate?

I could imagine some fearsome raiding parties if that were the case. Especially when the seas froze over. Something like this, but with more ice and less desert.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:31 PM on April 6, 2008

Wii = totally fun, and good for including non-gamers or the shy. Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii got our whole extended family playing this past Christmas.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:33 PM on April 6, 2008

Ubu, I salute your countrymen.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:35 PM on April 6, 2008

You know, if we make it to 2K we could make this an annual charity event, the Sans Quoi 2K. I'm thinking t-shirts, proceeds to some thematically appropriate charity.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:37 PM on April 6, 2008

I think they did cross country ski, which is somewhat fearsome on its own, hordes of vikings silently gliding across the soft powder, steadily come towards you. You can't run because the powder is too deep for you, all you hear is the gentle swoosh of their strides, until finally they overtake you, and offer you some delicious licorice.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:38 PM on April 6, 2008

languagehat, you must must must make arancini di risotto, that's what. Chill risotto. Roll into little balls. Dredge in breadcrumbs. Fry gently.

Wipe traces of grease and drool from your fingers before furthering this thread with your grateful thanks and curses for introducing your new addiction, because arancini are that awesome.
posted by desuetude at 2:41 PM on April 6, 2008

mrzarquon, LobsterMitten: Thanks! We'll try one of those excellent suggestions and I'll let you know how it comes out.
posted by languagehat at 2:41 PM on April 6, 2008

It sounds like early Norsemen did ice skate! check it

Skis and skates were certainly used for sport, but also had practical uses for travel in winter in the Norse lands. On snow covered ground or ice, travel on ski or skate would have been much easier than struggling through the snow on foot or on horseback. The 16th century illustration to the right shows both skis and skates in use in Norway. ...

Ice skates were made of bones, usually from the metatarsal bones of horses or cattle (left). Leather straps or lace threaded through horizontal holes in the bones were used to tie the skates to the feet (right). An iron-tipped pole was used for propulsion. Because the skates have no edge, it is not possible to turn or stop as with modern ice skates. However, good speeds are easily obtainable. An article about our attempts to make and use reproduction bone ice skates is available here.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:42 PM on April 6, 2008

1542... Hmm, yes, that was the year of the Battle of the Hill of the Jews.
posted by languagehat at 2:44 PM on April 6, 2008

'hat: My way with risotto is the less-valorous way. It's the way of the very hungry and not especially picky. So do one of the other things if you have the energy because those sound freaking awesome.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:45 PM on April 6, 2008

OK, so LobsterMitten snuck in there and ruined my attempt to connect the comment number with History. Let's try again: 1544 was the year of the Battle of the Shirts.
posted by languagehat at 2:46 PM on April 6, 2008

OK, fuck History. It's risotto time!
posted by languagehat at 2:47 PM on April 6, 2008

And on non-preview: thanks, desuetude!
posted by languagehat at 2:48 PM on April 6, 2008

I'm like Space Invaders -- always on the move. You have to shoot where I'm going to be, not where I am.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:53 PM on April 6, 2008

well damnit, looks like I might have to put a Wii + cable switcher on this months to buy list. And Resident Evil, and Wii Fit.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:55 PM on April 6, 2008

LobsterMitten: Invaders, Possibly of Space!

Just beware of my all rush mix tape and my two litre bottle of shasta.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:57 PM on April 6, 2008

all you hear is the gentle swoosh of their strides, until finally they overtake you, and offer you some delicious licorice.

What a great idea! I'm sending a raiding party to Melbourne, without delay!

Here's the soundtrack - a song about raiding parties, would you believe?
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:58 PM on April 6, 2008

My God, look at the casualty numbers from the Battle of the Shirts. Thirteen left alive out of eight hundred men.
posted by matthewr at 2:58 PM on April 6, 2008

Fry: Whoa…a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass.
Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.
Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:01 PM on April 6, 2008

Bender: Come on! It is just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor...
Amy: I know how to make love!
posted by mrzarquon at 3:01 PM on April 6, 2008

Morbo: Kittens give Morbo gas
posted by mrzarquon at 3:01 PM on April 6, 2008

Professor Farnsworth: [Fry has chastised the professor about changing history, after he has slept with his grandmother and become his own grandfather.]Ooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mister "I'm-My-Own-Grandpa"! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!
posted by mrzarquon at 3:01 PM on April 6, 2008

Robot Devil: Give me back my hands! These things are always touching me… in places.
Fry: Hah! Yeah, they get around.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:01 PM on April 6, 2008

Oh, why couldn't she have been the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on the top and the lady part on the bottom?
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:21 PM on April 6, 2008

Morgan Proctor: Why is there yogurt in this cap?
Fry: Well, it used to be milk, and well, time makes fools of us all.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:23 PM on April 6, 2008

Zoidberg: Gracias
posted by mrzarquon at 3:23 PM on April 6, 2008

Fry, I think this flag might be poisonous.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:24 PM on April 6, 2008

Well, then good news! It's a suppository.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:26 PM on April 6, 2008

Nothing in here except a pair of elephant skin rugs.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:27 PM on April 6, 2008

I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:48 PM on April 6, 2008

you're not supposed to reheat risotto, and yet we find ourselves with a portion of leftover risotto

Get some jumbo lump crab, and make crabcakes using leftover risotto as your starch / filler instead of breadcrumbs.
posted by dersins at 4:04 PM on April 6, 2008

Come, we can't slow down now. Can we do 35 comments in the next two hours?
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:43 PM on April 6, 2008

Yes we can.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:45 PM on April 6, 2008

Oh, I don't know. Some of these posters around here are looking pretty limp right now.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:47 PM on April 6, 2008

Come on, of course we can. They'll pick it up. Longboaters got game.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:48 PM on April 6, 2008

HA HA! Now the rubber band is on the other claw!
posted by dw at 4:56 PM on April 6, 2008

I just got the iced coffee from Philz. It is good, rich and creamy. Phil was there, the only one with a non-ironic fedora and moustache.

Bender deserves more respect, please refer to him as Mr. Rodriguez.
posted by Dr. Curare at 5:01 PM on April 6, 2008

What happens in two hours?
posted by languagehat at 5:03 PM on April 6, 2008

I thought we had 30 days before this shuts down automatically which should give us... 80-something more hours of chicanery.
posted by heeeraldo at 5:15 PM on April 6, 2008

I just got back from the gym. What did I miss? (btw, black berry/blue berry/frozen banana shakes are great).
posted by mrzarquon at 5:21 PM on April 6, 2008

best hidden joke in futurama: kegelcisor
posted by mrzarquon at 5:23 PM on April 6, 2008

Kiss my Front Butt!
posted by mrzarquon at 5:23 PM on April 6, 2008

Leela: I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way. Out of all of us he always seemed the most normal.
Dr. Zoidberg: I am normal! (Sexilly:) Amy, take of these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am.
[Amy appears with her clothes torn and her hair cut off in some places.]
Amy: Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:24 PM on April 6, 2008

Also, walking up from the gym, i saw the three sages of capitol hill sitting outside a coffeeshop:

a guy with short hair and a scruffy goatee, multiple ear piercings working on his macbook with a latte.

another guy wearing a hoody, long shaggy hair, reading Nietzsche and drinking a beer.

and another guy in a red sweat shirt smoking a big cigar.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:29 PM on April 6, 2008

It's not a question of can we so much as should we. Is it moral, this longboating?
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:31 PM on April 6, 2008

(and one turned to the other and said "look at the douche walking back from the gym listening to music on his iphone, he's probably going to go post about this on metafilter")
posted by mrzarquon at 5:31 PM on April 6, 2008

And a subquestion: assuming the answer is yes, is it kind of shamelessly weaksauce to do so by serially quoting from Futurama?
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:32 PM on April 6, 2008

(As contrasted with the unimpeachible practice of spreading spurious rhetorical questions across a series of short comments that could easily have been handled in one go.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:33 PM on April 6, 2008

Can the philosophy and Fry it up with risotto, mister. You can't even talk.
posted by cgc373 at 5:49 PM on April 6, 2008

I am all for interesting discussions. Since the answer is Yes, the use of futurama is just a vehicle to get the conversation started. As you know, futurama can be considered by some as prophetic, so by drawing the observers attention to various quotes, we can in some ways, draw about a discussion that will include various statements of truths, half truths, and a conjecture about your mother's bottom.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:52 PM on April 6, 2008

What happens in two hours?

I'm just trying to keep us on pace.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:58 PM on April 6, 2008

is it kind of shamelessly weaksauce to do so by serially quoting

It's like keeping yourself awake while driving those last hours of your 12- hour shift of a crosscountry trip: whatever it takes.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:00 PM on April 6, 2008

*sings along with Tom Jones at full volume*
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:01 PM on April 6, 2008

mrzarquon, your cats are cute. What's their best trick?
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:07 PM on April 6, 2008

Right now its intimidating the local foul and fauna outside the window. And one is trying to push this laptop off my lap so she can take its space.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:11 PM on April 6, 2008

Also, one is exceptionally good at chasing cat dancers.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:12 PM on April 6, 2008

FYI, i am currently watching a dvd of futurama episodes, so i may be providing running commentary as the episodes go buy. THIS IS NOT WEAKSAUCE.

THIS IS FUTURAMA!
posted by mrzarquon at 6:13 PM on April 6, 2008

This is Jeopardy! (Not.)
posted by cgc373 at 6:31 PM on April 6, 2008

A Weird Al I hadn't seen : Bob... not a banana baton.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:11 PM on April 6, 2008

A tour de force on par with "Washington Crossing the Delaware."
posted by cgc373 at 7:35 PM on April 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

Forgot to post more instrumental videos, so here's L'Amour Est Bleu from 1968.

One interesting fact: It's the only Eurovision top 5 finishing song to ever hit #1 in the US.
posted by dw at 7:49 PM on April 6, 2008

And here's a really strange Japanese video of TSOP, which technically isn't a instrumental since the "do-do-dos" are vocals.
posted by dw at 7:52 PM on April 6, 2008

And here's an non-instrumental -- "Tonight I Have To Leave It" by the Shout Out Louds. Anyone else think they sound like the poppier side of the Cure?
posted by dw at 7:54 PM on April 6, 2008

OK, one more: My nominee for most underrated song of the 1990s, by the most underrated artist of the 1990s.
posted by dw at 8:22 PM on April 6, 2008

Ooo - like that Shout Out Louds, very Cureish.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:24 PM on April 6, 2008

hmm... I'm not sure Matthew Sweet was underrated. He was pretty highly rated by everyone I knew.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:27 PM on April 6, 2008

Some nominations for most underrated band of the 90s from my music nerd S.O.:
Tsunami
The Inbreds
The Poster Children
Pee
Mercury Rev
Thinking Fellers
The Swirlies
Sloan (underrated in the US)

(I started youtubing these but I have to actually get some work done tonight)
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:44 PM on April 6, 2008

Was Mudhoney a 90's band or a late-80's band?

[gratuitous link to one of the top two cover songs of all time]
posted by dersins at 10:14 PM on April 6, 2008

[the other one]
posted by dersins at 10:15 PM on April 6, 2008

It just doesn't seem "Urgent" to add the 1605th comment.
posted by cgc373 at 11:56 PM on April 6, 2008

It seems a little sad that the best this thread can realistically aspire to is to be the second-longest metatalk thread in history.
posted by dersins at 1:10 AM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Second place is the first loser.
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:16 AM on April 7, 2008

Second mouse gets the cheese.
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:16 AM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Pi x 10^9 seconds in a century
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:16 AM on April 7, 2008

seconded
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:16 AM on April 7, 2008

Does history repeat itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce? No, that's too grand, too considered a process. History just burps, and we taste again that raw-onion sandwich it swallowed centuries ago.
Julian Barnes 1946- : A History of the World in 10½ Chapters (1989)
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:16 AM on April 7, 2008

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:16 AM on April 7, 2008

AY POETA
Primero
Que nada
Me complace
Enormisimamente
Ser
Un buen
Poeta
De segunda
Del Tercer Mundo

Efrain Huerta
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:17 AM on April 7, 2008

second:

Following the first in an ordering or series:

Going or proceeding or coming after in the same direction of the beginning unit in a series in a logical or comprehensible arrangement of separate elements or similar things happening one after another:

Act of departing, or the steps that are taken in responding to crimes, or drawing spatially closer behind or in the rear in the S-Adenosyl-Methionine; line leading to a place or point of the the event consisting of the start of something; a single undivided whole in an arrangement of separate elements or similar things in accordance to the principles of logic or linguistically intelligible: A piece of music that has been adapted for performance by a particular set of voices or instruments of disjoined violent or severe weather or marked by correspondence or resemblance; movable possessions, a situation meant to be considered as art, not two or more. Behind or in the rear: any of various alternatives.

(No cheating, punctuation added)
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:38 AM on April 7, 2008

Yes, that is how long it takes to check a bunch of Flash and Photoshop files into SVN, with free wifi, through 2 walls, on a VPN. How I envy the people who need only a command line and text fields to do their work.

Anytime I see a vi/emacs war, I wish the participants were forced to work on any Adobe IDE for one day (yes, you can write your python in Dreamweaver, and your perl in Flash). That would teach them to shut up and enjoy.
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:45 AM on April 7, 2008

Dr. Curare, I was liking the Seconds thing you had going on there. (Frankenheimer spoilers in that link.)
posted by cgc373 at 7:57 AM on April 7, 2008

Dr. Curare: Anytime I see a vi/emacs war, I wish the participants were forced to work on any Adobe IDE for one day (yes, you can write your python in Dreamweaver, and your perl in Flash). That would teach them to shut up and enjoy.

That is just cruel and unusual punishment. Speaking of work drudgery, did you know despair inc makes tshirts now?
posted by mrzarquon at 9:37 AM on April 7, 2008

Can we move on to Venture Bros. quotes now?

ORPHEUS: Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I HAD TACO BELL FOR LUNCH!
posted by dw at 9:58 AM on April 7, 2008

Hey, are other folks getting the underpants gnome spam. I just got this, this morning:

1. Think about your girlfriend
2. Look attached details
3. Visit our online store
4. Buy out goods

5. Profit? You ARE the BEST in BED!
posted by mrzarquon at 10:06 AM on April 7, 2008

Care for some Panda's Milk?
posted by mrzarquon at 10:09 AM on April 7, 2008

Look at y'all! I am so proud of you. I go away for the weekend and you're well past 1500 and GOING ALL THE WAY!

I would have posted more over the weekend except for how I was afk and my phone cannot handle this massive, massive thread.

But the biscuits/cats/Vikings/Costco talk were primo.
posted by pineapple at 10:19 AM on April 7, 2008

I have one of those headaches where it goes all the way down to the base of your skull and you start to worry a little bit that maybe your spine is going to detach around vertebra numbers one or two. And when I cough it hurts more, plus my abdomen is a little sore.

I figure this is partly me still recovering from being sick; partly from just way too much coughing the last couple of days; and partly from spending like seven hours yesterday curled up on the couch shootin' zombies with my Wii Zapper.

So the question is, should I eat this tuna sandwich?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:23 AM on April 7, 2008

thank you pineapple
you make this longboating fun
you need an iphone
posted by mrzarquon at 10:23 AM on April 7, 2008

is meningitis?
pain at back of head is sign
see doc, no tuna
posted by mrzarquon at 10:26 AM on April 7, 2008

"Since the answer is Yes, the use of futurama is just a vehicle to get the conversation started."

How do over-rated prog bands relate to Futurama?
posted by klangklangston at 10:29 AM on April 7, 2008

You go check on your stocks, and what do you get? An article reminding you that you need to close your accounts with WaMu already.

I've been at WaMu for 12 years. In that time it went from Quirky converted S&L to Northwest consumer bank to Nation's largest thrift to Can't you get all your databases to work together alread? to Stop trying to sell me a mortgage and by the way I've been with your bank for 10 years why the hell you charging me that fee? to Poster child for everything wrong with the mortgage market to Get out NOW.

So, time to start shifting to the credit union account, if I can ever find my credit union checkbook.
posted by dw at 10:37 AM on April 7, 2008

How do over-rated prog bands relate to Futurama?

Huh? Overrated prog bands? When did someone mention Radiohead?
posted by dersins at 10:44 AM on April 7, 2008

Zombies eat brains. Though
sometimes they just cause headaches.
Shoot at your own risk.
posted by rjs at 10:48 AM on April 7, 2008

WaMu misspelled my sister's name on her mortgage. So she corrected it. Repeat the previous sentences four times for effect.
posted by Skorgu at 10:50 AM on April 7, 2008

dw- I've been thinking that also. I have access to a credit union through work, but I am temped to give BECU a shot. What have you heard of them, as a longer WA resident than me.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:01 AM on April 7, 2008

A few months ago, I stopped by a Bank of America to get some quarters for laundry. Two rolls, twenty dollar bill in hand, okay. Old routine. Have done it dozens of times. Clockwork.

And the girl behind the counter asked me if I had an account there. Nope, thanks! Oh, she explained, as she gave me the quarters: she'd help me out just this once, but their new policy was to not give out quarters (or perhaps just not make change period, she didn't specify) for non-members. Ah, I said, and took my quarters and left and cursed BoA's name under my breath.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:09 AM on April 7, 2008

Three weeks later, time for quarters. Skip BoA, hit a little credit union branch nearer my apartment. Wonder why I haven't done this instead previously. Credit unions hell yes. Fuck the BoA, CUs know where its at. I've been a CU member since high school, its just the way to be.

Twenty in hand, ask for two rolls (holding up a little peace sign two-count to be clear that I do mean two and two exactly, as sometimes without thinking I'll ask for "a couple of" rolls and banks seem weirdly disinclined to guess about how much money you're talking about—unlike at least one McDonalds in Worcester, MA).

And the girl behind the counter asked me if I had an account there.

Nope.

Oh, she explained, as she gave me the quarters: just this once, but new policy is not to do that for non-members. Huh, I said to her. Why the hell is that, I didn't ask. Seriously, what the fuck, I did not follow up with. My eyebrow didn't really agree with this path of restraint, and I think that some of my dark thoughts may have leaked out through that unruly caterpiller of the soul, but I took my quarters and left my twenty and went home to do laundry.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:10 AM on April 7, 2008

And I stewed on that, in little bits, for the next three weeks. Bad enough, okay, that BoA is acting like a shitty big national bank outfit. Fine. They're asses. But for a credit union to ape the same behavior, the same weird Fuck You Buddy mentality of a corporation that cares less about being a part of the community than it does about getting its way and making some money...

I felt betrayed, dammit, like a reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915 in an apocryphally attributed Emo Phillips joke: pushed off a cliff for being not quite the right brand of community-banking customer. Where did they get off? My nearest CU branch is across the damn river, don't make me spend forty five minutes of my evening going out there just to get some quarters so I can wash my damn clothes.

And what the hell was the motivation for this policy? Was I supposed to be inspired to become a member of BoA, or of this credit union, because I was so pleased by their service to me as a non-member?

And why were both of these places implementing this policy? Was there some sort of Quarters War going on on the street? Did quarters suddenly cost the banks $0.26 wholesale? Was the wrapping-coins-up-in-little-paper-sleeves union on strike? What, in other words, the fuck?
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:11 AM on April 7, 2008

So on laundry day a few weeks later, when the last ill-gotten quarters had run out, I walked into that credit union branch with all these thoughts in my mind, all the questions ready to burst out not via eyebrow semaphore but spoken in palin words from the actual piehole, challenges to both the implementation and the ethical dalliance that is even the conception of this absurd policy. I would be civil, yes, I would acknowledge that the clerk was just doing their job and that my beef was not with them, but lo, lo, reckoning was nonetheless at hand.

Twenty on the counter. I'd like two rolls of quarters, please.

And she totally gave me two rolls of quarters as soon as I asked for them, with a cheerful smile and not even a hint of a disclaimer about policies—past, present, or pending—regarding the disbursement of same to members or non-members or etc.

Which, I mean, I like a good fit of righteous indignation as much as the next guy, but that was mostly what I was hoping for, and there hasn't been trouble since. But I haven't been back to the BoA more than once or twice since, because, seriously, fuck 'em.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:12 AM on April 7, 2008

BECU is pretty solid, thanks to the "B" in its name standing for "Boeing." Not in the sense that it's part of Boeing (it's not), but that Boeing represents Old Seattle, the Rainier-drinking, blue tarp camping, REI basement shopping Seattle that is solidly middle-class and safe and out of place with the hipster and techie contingent in this town. It's the sort of stuff that Pemco is playing on in their awesome new ad campaign.

I'm at WSECU, and it's been very meh so far. We took out a personal loan, and so far they've apparently sold us the wrong loan and then blew up our first payment by drawing on the wrong account. They've been very apologetic about it and fixed everything, but it's still annoying. I've been questioning whether jumping from WaMu to there is really that good an idea.
posted by dw at 11:14 AM on April 7, 2008

So, seriously, that quarters policy: what gives?
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:15 AM on April 7, 2008

I wish for iPhone.
Sadly, cannot leave T-Mo:
Boss pays all phone bills.
posted by pineapple at 11:17 AM on April 7, 2008

I saw 10,000BC on Saturday, and the folks in the theater kept shushing Amy and I for making fun of the inaccuracies (metal work? fucking pyramids?). I wished that I could have gone to the meetup, but I was sick and anti-social.
posted by klangklangston at 11:19 AM on April 7, 2008

cortex, I think it's just a case of banks reducing all non-profit services for non-members, across the board.
posted by pineapple at 11:19 AM on April 7, 2008

The reason I'm at WaMu, BTW, is because back in 1995 I tried to open an account with SeaFirst, which was owned by Bank of America, and pretty much got blown off by everyone there. WaMu, OTOH, was on me 30 seconds after I walked in the door.
posted by dw at 11:23 AM on April 7, 2008

"Huh? Overrated prog bands? When did someone mention Radiohead?"

I'm glad someone else thinks that. I've nearly come to blows over just being disappointed with In Rainbows. I mean, I don't even actively dislike it, though I won't really listen to it again aside from a couple of songs. It's just kinda boring, and reminds me of REM's slide into dad rock. But you'd think that I'd shat out a puppy skull by not being effusive about the damned thing.

On the other hand, Black Mountain is possible under-rated as a prog band, though not by much (as I've seen more and more rating of 'em lately).
posted by klangklangston at 11:43 AM on April 7, 2008

Ah, perhaps I wasn't seeing the general fiscal landscape for the quarters.

But why the reversal? I suppose I should check with BoA at some point to see if they're still hoarding their quarters. Was this a bridge too far? The final straw? Did banks recieve complaints too loud and too numerous to ignore, and back off? On just the quarters? On everything? Did some daring local bank continue to change quarters for non-members—advertise, even, that modest but (in a downtown apartment culture) key service as a point of competition, forcing the rest back into the game out of deference to the invisible hand?

Does the invisible hand ever handwash invisible delicates?
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:44 AM on April 7, 2008

And is the invisible hand related to Master Hand from Smash Brothers?

And is Master Hand related to Wall Hand from Zelda?

And what's with the glove on Master Hand, anyway? Has anybody considered that that could be the mutated disembodied hand of The Mouse Himself?
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:46 AM on April 7, 2008

Black Mountain is possible under-rated as a prog band, though not by much

I love Black Mountain, but I'd never really thought of them as prog. Stoner rock, hell yeah. Prog, not so much. Super nice guys, though.
posted by dersins at 12:18 PM on April 7, 2008

I have one of those headaches where it goes all the way down to the base of your skull and you start to worry a little bit that maybe your spine is going to detach around vertebra numbers one or two. And when I cough it hurts more, plus my abdomen is a little sore.

You have two, possibly three days to live. I'm glad you're spending them in the best possible way. We pass on, but the thread lives forever.
posted by languagehat at 12:19 PM on April 7, 2008

Gawd, Black Mountain blows. Gimme Pink Mountaintops any day.
posted by carsonb at 12:32 PM on April 7, 2008

I just hope that someone will dedicate comment number 2000 to my memory. It'd mean a lot to me if I was actually just faking my death and secretly refreshing the thread constantly, waiting for that to happen.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:35 PM on April 7, 2008

There's no way there's even going to be a comment number 2000.

Unless, of course, as a dying act someone were to recategorize this post as a metafilter gathering, allowing it to stay open for six months, and leaving ample time for discussion, followup and photos....
posted by dersins at 12:50 PM on April 7, 2008

I've heard bits of In Rainbows, and wasn't really impressed or distressed by it.

The Decemberists are the closest thing we have to a prog rock band nowadays. Black Mountain sounds like Jim James and Wayne Coyne being in a band exchange program.
posted by dw at 12:53 PM on April 7, 2008

Is—is that dersins? Come closer, boy, I haven't much strength left. Closer, yes, I can't quite see you, it's the eyes, they're going, going, everything so dark now. Plus I'm having trouble seeing you, son, on account of your standing there in a dark cloud of QUITTER.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:55 PM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

"It was... *cough* *cough*... soap poisoning!"
posted by shmegegge at 1:01 PM on April 7, 2008

Live, Black Mountain's prog tendencies come to the fore—20 minute spacey synth jams and the like. I consider Hawkwind prog; I consider Black Mountain prog.
posted by klangklangston at 1:05 PM on April 7, 2008

No, radio.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:08 PM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Ha! Every MeFi thread needs more Christmas Story. Less bands-I've-never-heard-of.

Okay, your turn, let's play MeFiLibs.

______________ needs more ________________, less __________________.
(some part of MetaFilter) (whatever) (whatever)
posted by pineapple at 1:08 PM on April 7, 2008

Gawd, Black Mountain blows. Gimme Pink Mountaintops any day.

Are you high? You might as well prefer Lightning Dust.

And the Decemberists would have to rock to be a prog rock band. They're more like the 21st century version of fuckin' Fairport Convention. Only more obnoxious. I'd rather sit through Caravan b-sides than listen to 'em.
posted by klangklangston at 1:09 PM on April 7, 2008

My wife and I went on a camping trip this past weekend (at Garner State Park, if you're wondering). I had plotted out a route that would take us on what I thought were bucolic backroads most of the way there. Nope. One freaking traffic jam after another. Gated communities under development much of the way there. We realized we were in what has become the outer ring of suburban development surrounding San Antionio.

Once we got there is was beautiful. After hiking around on Saturday, we read. I started reading "Under the Banner of Heaven"—a book about fundamentalist Mormons. Incredibly weird stuff.

Get home and see in the news today a raid on a FLDS compound about 100 miles from where we were camping. Man, that's freaky.

It's not hard to imagine that in five years, the new-growth suburbs surrounding San Antonio will be butting right up against what are now remote encampments of people who are trying to avoid contact with mainstream society. Won't that be fun?
posted by adamrice at 1:11 PM on April 7, 2008

(at Garner State Park, if you're wondering)

Do they still have up the "no bopping" signs?

Is this thread showing up twice in Recent Activity for anyone else?
posted by pineapple at 1:13 PM on April 7, 2008

Live, Black Mountain's prog tendencies come to the fore—20 minute spacey synth jams and the like.

I dunno, I haven't seen them since March 05, so I don't know what they're like now, but their space jams reminded more of this than, say, this.
posted by dersins at 1:15 PM on April 7, 2008

i am very upset that my banana is overripe (which would be great in a smoothie, not so much as the god created fruit for man. which by the way is flawed logic. If they were so perfect, how come they have such a narrow window of opportunity for freshness? or am I just bad at picking bananas?).

dw- I am considering BECU more and more, I am not looking to take out any major loans, but their credit card apr is damn low, and to top it off, the atms of theirs near me don't require stupid deposit envelopes anymore, so I can actually deposit the random check with ease. I actually met the pemco user #12, (pony tailed software geek), he's a nice guy. I feel like the local business aspect may actually appeal to me, but I have yet to find more reasonable reasons for things like car insurance, etc.

I would bet that the quarters phenomenon at the CU cortex experienced could be written up to newbie vs experienced staff. The new person thinks things like that are policy, the person whose been there for a while doesn't care and knows its about customers. (Or the new person still hasn't had their hopes and dreams crushed, so they care about the customer and gave you the quarters, the old weathered employee just wanted to go home and not deal with hippies who can't be bothered to visit their own CU).
posted by mrzarquon at 1:18 PM on April 7, 2008

I think it's just you, pineapple.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:19 PM on April 7, 2008

I think it's just you, pineapple.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:20 PM on April 7, 2008

my cellphone just rang. it was my doorbell (the call box rings my phone to buzz people in).

Thing is, all my friends don't know how to use that, they just call my cellphone. And I am at work, not at my apartment. I wonder who is trying to get into my apartment building thinking they know me.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:24 PM on April 7, 2008

Is this thread showing up twice in Recent Activity for anyone else?

This thread so nice it's listed twice! Get on the good foot! HEY!
posted by languagehat at 1:25 PM on April 7, 2008

(WARNING: ABOVE LINK TOO FUNKY FOR SOME BROWSERS)
posted by languagehat at 1:26 PM on April 7, 2008

GOOD GOLLY!
posted by languagehat at 1:27 PM on April 7, 2008

No, radio.

No radio. Soap.
posted by shmegegge at 1:29 PM on April 7, 2008

And the Decemberists would have to rock to be a prog rock band. They're more like the 21st century version of fuckin' Fairport Convention.

Um, if that were true, then Norfolk and Western are the 21st century version of Steeleye Span, and that doesn't sound right.
posted by dw at 1:38 PM on April 7, 2008

Are you high? You might as well prefer Lightning Dust.

I wish. Actually, I prefer spending my time browsing See Also over at AMG, once my CD rack stops coughing up bad memories from the college radio days.
posted by carsonb at 1:40 PM on April 7, 2008

So, I closed my account with WaMu about a year ago now; what's happened since? Are they going under?
posted by mosessis at 2:02 PM on April 7, 2008

Don't even get me started on my misadventure with a credit union.
posted by adamrice at 2:14 PM on April 7, 2008

So, I closed my account

I can't really read these words anymore without panicking a little. I actually thought, that far into the comment, "no you didn't you LIAR because you're COMMENTING RIGHT NOW and huh maybe I should read the rest of that sentence..."
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:22 PM on April 7, 2008

Good coffee, eh?
posted by languagehat at 3:35 PM on April 7, 2008

IT IS SUPERB
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:43 PM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:44 PM on April 7, 2008

MY VEINS ARE COURSING WITH LORD JAVA'S LOVE
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:45 PM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

MY HEADACHE HAS BECOME A HEADGASM
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:46 PM on April 7, 2008

IN MY MINDS EYE I SEE YOU AND YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:47 PM on April 7, 2008

SO BEAUTIFUL
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:49 PM on April 7, 2008

TO ME
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:50 PM on April 7, 2008

Man, why won't my eMac open up burned DVD-Rs? It used to only do this with DVD+Rs, but now it seems to have given up reading (sees 'em as blanks) on the -Rs too. I wonder if the rest of the world has updated their OS or something so that we peons stuck in the past can't use the newfangled discs.
posted by klangklangston at 3:51 PM on April 7, 2008

CAN'T YOU SEEEEEEE
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:51 PM on April 7, 2008

EEEEE-eee-EEEEE-EE-E-EEEEEEE
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:52 PM on April 7, 2008

EVERYTHING I HOPE ME
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:00 PM on April 7, 2008

I dunno, I haven't seen them since March 05, so I don't know what they're like now, but their space jams reminded more of this than, say, this.

Really? I saw 'em in, what, February, I think, at the Echo, and they pretty much straight stole that synth line for an extended break in "Bright Lights."

Plus, I think Sabbath was kinda proggy too.
posted by klangklangston at 4:09 PM on April 7, 2008

314 comments to go. We can do it.

Can I share that I really like Python. I really like it. I can't wait to start coding some projects in it.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:37 PM on April 7, 2008

mosessis- they got hit really hard with the subprime stuff, among other things, so their stock is rated just above junk bond status last i've heard. Technically my savings are covered under FDIC, but I'm thinking about joining a credit union instead.

Their stock isn't "junk bond status" (i mean, it's stock), but it's off 75% from its peak. They're laying people off left and right.

They probably won't go under; I'd expect Chase or Wachovia will scoop them up before that happens (or the FDIC will force WaMu into a shotgun marriage with some bank). The big issue is that if WaMu completely fails it'll take 60-120 days for the Feds to start writing checks to depositors. That's 2-4 months you won't be able to touch that money.
posted by dw at 4:40 PM on April 7, 2008

Plus, I think Sabbath was kinda proggy too

Heretic! Burn him!
posted by dersins at 4:41 PM on April 7, 2008

cortex, I see you tried this headache treatment. Seems to be working, congrats .)
posted by Dr. Curare at 4:41 PM on April 7, 2008

Yay, Office Supplies Fairy delivered refills for my label printer, so now I can file these piles of crap.

Also, Office Supplies Fairy is not a fairy, but she is gay.
posted by dw at 4:42 PM on April 7, 2008

And question for you Portland Orygunians: I'm coming down for WebVisions and staying an extra day to do a Powell's run.

Should I stay in the Lucia or the Ace?

Should I come by train or take the Horizon hourly shuttle between SEA and PDX?

Either way, I'm not driving, so I need to stay within walking distance of the MAX.
posted by dw at 4:45 PM on April 7, 2008

Lucia is pretty awesome. And Typhoon downstairs is nice. I keep meaning to stay there, but the companies I work for are too cheap.

Train usually is a nightmare, i've had friends take it down get delayed 3 hours because of cargo running late. I've once had a train delayed on my return trip, so they put me on the next train, the starlight from california that was supposed to have arrived in Portland 3 hours prior. I still had to wait 2.5 hours for it show up. So in all it was 5.5 hours late.

Take the Plane if you are just Maxing it.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:11 PM on April 7, 2008

The Lucia and the Ace are both nice enough that we're happy to put our clients up at either place when they're in town, and our clients are ad agency people, so they're pretty picky.

The Lucia reminds me of a slightly less soulless W hotel-- slick, modern, hip boutique hotel. The Ace is SUPER DUPER hipster, but it definitely has more character, and the rooms are a bit larger. It has a stumptown coffee shop downstairs, which is some of the best coffee I've had. Period. On the whole, though, I'd go with whichever one you can get a better rate at, because they're both just fine. The locations are pretty comparable as well.

I've never taken the Horizon shuttle, but I do love the train. And if you take the train, you can get a cocktail at Wilf's, the awesome old school piano bar in the train station.

Where is the conference? Convention Center?
posted by dersins at 5:12 PM on April 7, 2008

dw: Their stock isn't "junk bond status" (i mean, it's stock), but it's off 75% from its peak. They're laying people off left and right.

You're right, I am just reporting things I hear as they whip past my head. So in some ways I am just representative of the ignorant masses.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:16 PM on April 7, 2008

dersins: I've never taken the Horizon shuttle, but I do love the train. And if you take the train, you can get a cocktail at Wilf's, the awesome old school piano bar in the train station.

Only time I took the train, Wilf's was closed. The plus side with the train is lots of booze. The down side is if its been running late or you are on what is akin to a rolling motel (the starlight) it is not the most pleasant of experiences.

I've done the horizon shuttle also. It was quick, I don't believe you check your luggage for it (i just had a backpack when I went). Also, make sure your ears are clear, if you have or are prone to inner problems, the quick rise and fall in altitude can cause some discomfort (I did not experience it, but my sister has done similar hopes with ill effects).
posted by mrzarquon at 5:21 PM on April 7, 2008

I have an acct with a credit union that carries no cash in their offices, period. No bills, no coin. They only have ATMs. If you want to withdraw money, you can only do it via ATM. It was the only cu when we moved last summer, so we went with them, but it does feel like playing with fire.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:27 PM on April 7, 2008

I enjoy the Decemberists but seeing them live (though they do have great energy) just drives home the degree to which Colin Meloy's singing is affectation. I mean, I enjoy a good vocal quirk as much as the next guy, but you've got to own it, and he doesn't quite.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:29 PM on April 7, 2008

Also I enjoy the word "superb". It pretty much makes me smile every time I see it.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:30 PM on April 7, 2008

Who will snipe the next round-numbered comment?
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:31 PM on April 7, 2008

Quien es mas macho?
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:31 PM on April 7, 2008

ME! Me snipe it! woot! 1700!

A new century, a bright flame of hope, a scientific revolution! I propose we all speke in the fashion of the tymes, for 1700.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:33 PM on April 7, 2008

my trick for money changing has been the 'cash back' from the cash registers at grocery stores. around here I can ask for 20 back in quarters and they usually don't care, unless they are running low, in which case they will give you the 20 and point you to the customer service desk where you can get your quarters. Trader Joes is exceptionally good at this, as long as you are buying something.

But now my apartment building uses a smart card system, so I have tons of quarters from old laundry machine money saving ways.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:34 PM on April 7, 2008

LobsterMitten- can i just say right now, over the last few days we have spent together longboating this thread, that I really enjoy your company. And I may have to change my contact status for you to "crush."

... What?
posted by mrzarquon at 5:36 PM on April 7, 2008

And why can't MySpace girls EVER be on the ball?

I give up. I'm going home.
posted by klangklangston at 5:38 PM on April 7, 2008

the 'cash back' from the cash registers at grocery stores

This is what we did when we first moved here, and it worked well enough—they limited you to three bucks worth, but a couple of trips to the store during the week (which was pretty likely, since we live like two blocks away from it) and you were set up for three loads, which is about our weekly average.

But then the store got all weird and uneven and crappy about it. They never established a clear "we can't give you quarters" policy, which is a shame because that's actually pretty much the de facto situation. It was a weird evolution of excuse-making over the period of a few months—sometimes a checker was out, sometimes said checker would or wouldn't yank quarters from the auto change machine, sometimes a checker would nick quarters from a neighbor for you, sometimes they'd just direct you to the customer service desk which might or might not be open, attended, and have quarters itself.

This store will also wave you over to the little Starbucks kiosk past the checkout if they're pretty busy and you have a small basket with no produce or other complicated stuff. Which is actually just fine but still a little weird.

I've considered calling my credit union and asking if I can just buy a hundred bucks of quarters at a go. That'd be worth the trip across the river and save me from having to worry about this crap more often than:
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:44 PM on April 7, 2008

(oh shit brace yourself)
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:44 PM on April 7, 2008

why can't MySpace girls EVER be on the ball?

Um, klang? Dude? They're MySpace girls.

Duh.
posted by dersins at 5:45 PM on April 7, 2008

SPARTA!
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:45 PM on April 7, 2008

~~SPARTA!~~
QUARTERLY
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:46 PM on April 7, 2008

SPARTA!

The hell? 1708?
posted by dersins at 5:47 PM on April 7, 2008

We should pad this thread by recounting historical events that happened on the year of our comment #.

1711

Nothing historically important happened in 1711*

*Statement not checked for accuracy
posted by drezdn at 6:04 PM on April 7, 2008

1711: Cary's Rebellion; also, John Shore invents the tuning fork and David Hume, William Boyce, and Mikhail Lomonosov are born. Also (SPOILER) Queen Anne has only three years to live.
posted by languagehat at 6:06 PM on April 7, 2008

Curse you, drezdn. See, it's just like obit posts: the lazy slob who doesn't bother to do the research wins.
posted by languagehat at 6:07 PM on April 7, 2008

I should have given Jessamyn your name. Then you wouldn't have been able to steal my ideas and my thunder.
posted by languagehat at 6:09 PM on April 7, 2008

And now Queen Anne is dead.
posted by languagehat at 6:09 PM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

And now, 15 is feeling like he really missed the boat.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:31 PM on April 7, 2008

All these change problems would be easily cured with one of these in town.
posted by dw at 6:34 PM on April 7, 2008

how often does Sparta get quarters? they don't have a whole lot of laundry; it seems to be mostly loincloths and capes, right?
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:40 PM on April 7, 2008

I mean, I assume the same is true of most of our wardrobes, so I don't know why cortex would have had to get quarters more often than Sparta in the first place.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:41 PM on April 7, 2008

1720: Edmund Halley appointed Astronomer Royal.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:42 PM on April 7, 2008

Ooh - a better one for 1720, Baron Munchausen born!
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:43 PM on April 7, 2008

Plural is Astronomers Royal, like Burgers King.
posted by klangklangston at 6:46 PM on April 7, 2008

Also, mrzarquon, we've got a long way to go in this trench yet, buddy. Don't be saying your tearful goodbyes just yet. You'll be coming home with the rest of the unit. Here's a twist of tobacco, give er a good chew. Attaboy. *clap on the back*
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:48 PM on April 7, 2008

In France it's Astronomers Royale. with cheese.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:49 PM on April 7, 2008

Take the Plane if you are just Maxing it.

Looks like I need to book right now. $138 RT, but the $69 legs SEA-PDX on Saturday are selling out.

OTOH, I'm not paying for it....

I think I'm going to go with the Ace. The "Junior Suite" costs less than the entry level room at the Lucia.

Where is the conference? Convention Center?

Yep. I like going because it's 1/10th the size of SXSW and it's cheap. Not quite the crazy variety of SXSW, but still pretty good speakers. #1 is scheduled to give a talk, in fact.
posted by dw at 6:57 PM on April 7, 2008

Also, looking at the threads to beat in the Mefi Data Playground... 9622 and anything else that was open for more than a month requires an asterisk. We're going for the pure one-month mark here.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:58 PM on April 7, 2008

For those of you who do not read the deleted threads (and why not?), I thought I would just highlight this muy excelente* deletion reason from our longboating comrade.
posted by pineapple at 6:58 PM on April 7, 2008

* Might or might not be actual Spanish.
posted by pineapple at 6:59 PM on April 7, 2008

Did someone say cheese?

For 1726: Gulliver's Travels (aka Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World by "English sea-captain Lemuel Gulliver" was published.
posted by rtha at 7:00 PM on April 7, 2008

(Dammit! Even with greasemonkey off, this behemoth takes so long to load that I dispensed with previewing. Ah well. Let the longboat carry me where she may.)
posted by rtha at 7:02 PM on April 7, 2008

LobsterMitten- I'm not going anywhere, I just had to sign off before I went home and made dinner.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:32 PM on April 7, 2008

Dinner btw was fabulous, I had some leftover chicken, so I poached thin strips it in some olive oil and butter, along with a big dose of minced garlic.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:33 PM on April 7, 2008

After cooking on one side for about 2 minutes, i flipped them over, and continued cooking for another 3-4 minutes (keep the lid on the pan for this). Once done, I added them to small tortillas, along with some black beans cooked in chipotle tabasco sauce. It was quite good.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:34 PM on April 7, 2008

So whats this with the year thing?
posted by mrzarquon at 7:35 PM on April 7, 2008

1735

July 11 - Mathematical calculations suggest it was on this day that Pluto moved closer to the Sun than Neptune for the last time before 1979. (also, in 2008 Hellboy 2 will release in the US on this date. I am attending).

In this year, Paul Revere was born.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:35 PM on April 7, 2008

it is also 736 as I write this.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:36 PM on April 7, 2008

we need someone two timezones west of here, but that looks like Adak or the Gambier Islands, then they can post comments at their military time.

if we get over 1800 in 20 minutes or so, people in Unalaska can post comments to match up with their military time (or 24 hour time).
posted by mrzarquon at 7:38 PM on April 7, 2008

Last night I braised a pork loin in wine and chicken broth (after coating with kosher salt, rosemary, and thyme), then made a gravy with a roux and a reduction of the liquid.

It was fantastic.

And where did I buy the pork loin? That's right. Costco.
posted by dw at 7:41 PM on April 7, 2008

my god, that pork loin sounds delicious, dw! you know what one of my roommates told me the other day? she doesn't like sauces. she thinks food is better without them. needless to say, i no longer trust her, and definitely not her opinion on anything.
posted by mosessis at 8:01 PM on April 7, 2008

I like your train of thought. Cooking in alcohol is the way to go.

Tomorrow night is my college pot roast thing, which means I have to get it prepped before I go to work.

onions and garlic in the bottom of a crock pot, with a chuck roast on top. cook it on 'high' for 6 hours, let it switch to 'warm'. The onions carmelize slowly, eventually creating a great sauce / juice for the chuck roast to cook in. I usually add a lager or two to give it some fluid. Salt and pepper, and a bay leaf or two.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:02 PM on April 7, 2008

also, it looks like you guys are having fun in here. so i'm coming in to play, too. hi!

also, did you know that UPenn was founded in this year?
posted by mosessis at 8:05 PM on April 7, 2008

Then pull the meat apart (it is pretty much falling apart at this stage anyway), mix it with the onions (you may want to strain off the fat that has collected on the top, if you want), spoon it onto a split open kaiser roll that has a little mayonnaise and some sharp cheddar cheese. Fill a small bowl with the juice, dip.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:08 PM on April 7, 2008

oh my god you meat-cookers are making me very hungry.

Here at Chez Mitten, we roll mac-n-cheese-with-fresh-green-peas style.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:09 PM on April 7, 2008

hi mosessis!

How did you discover us out here, in the shed out of sight of the high school security guards where the cool kids smoke cigarettes? what has your day been like so far?
posted by mrzarquon at 8:12 PM on April 7, 2008

1744: Celsius and Alexander Pope die, Lamarck born.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:13 PM on April 7, 2008

Dammit.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:13 PM on April 7, 2008

lobster- my friends make a mean vegan mac and cheese, using crazy things like mustard and seitan they've made themselves. It is heavily seasoned with red pepper flakes. That shit is delicious.

Although this weekend, I am kind of tempted to try making James May's fish pie.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:16 PM on April 7, 2008

Are people trying to snipe 1750?
posted by mrzarquon at 8:23 PM on April 7, 2008

Maybe. I should probably do it first.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:24 PM on April 7, 2008

7/8ths of the way there! Way to go Team!

1750:

James Gray reveals himself to be a herself.

Oceania (aus and surrounding areas) had 2 million people.

Nov. 16th the Westminster Bridge is officially opened.

Bach Died

And so far in the thread, we have discussed:
Futurama
Tootsie Pops
Coke
Quarters and change habits
Venture Brothers (but briefly)
What exactly is prog rock
How does one qualify the longest longboat thread?

ANd much much more!
posted by mrzarquon at 8:24 PM on April 7, 2008

Oh, I forgot -- I started the braising by caramelizing an onion, then browning the meat. The onions eventually disintegrated and became the veggie base for the gravy.
posted by dw at 8:28 PM on April 7, 2008

Venture Brothers (but briefly)

Yeah, why briefly folks? Best animated series on TV by far right now.

1752: British Empire switches to the Gregorian Calendar, drops Sept 3 -13.
posted by dw at 8:30 PM on April 7, 2008

1753 in history

January 11 Ferdinand VI of Spain and Pope Benedictus XIV sign concord
March 17 1st official St. Patrick's Day
March 25 Voltaire leaves the court of Frederik II of Prussia
April 5 British Museum forms and opens in 1759
May 6 French King Louis XV observes transit of Mercury at Mendon Castle
May 9 King Louis XV disbands French parliament
May 29 Joseph Haydns "Krumme Teufel," premieres
June 13 Austria, England and Modena sign secret military treaty
July 7 English parliament grants Jewish English citizenship
July 18 Lemuel Haynes, escapes from slave holder in Framingham Mass
August 4 George Washington becomes a master mason
September 9 1st steam engine arrives in U.S. colonies
September 22 Pangeran Gusti installed as sultan of Banten
November 30 Benjamin Franklin receives Godfrey Copley-Penny
posted by pineapple at 8:34 PM on April 7, 2008

hi, mr z!

how has your day been?
oh, you know, rebelling against authority, mocking the kids at the cool table, band practice, the normal. i think i'll go home tonight and argue with my parents.

also, this is apparently the year when the u.k. left out september 3rd to the 13th, skipping them altogether, in order to adjust to the new fangled gregorian calendar they had just adopted.
posted by mosessis at 8:37 PM on April 7, 2008

dw- technically it isn't on the air, just re-runs, but the new season starts soon! Also, i have all the dvds and friends are coming over to watch some (they haven't really seen many of them, let alone in series, when it gets even weirder).

I would say that since futurama is technically on the air also, they are neck and neck. I have both on dvd, and watch them extensively. Because i'm a nerd.

Now I am just procrastinating from doing the dishes and walking to QFC for the onions and some wine.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:37 PM on April 7, 2008

damn. i need to post faster.

i was just trying to play xsketch but i had to drop out because someone would have already guessed the winning answer by the time any drawing appeared on my screen.

damn the carso group and their slow internet!
posted by mosessis at 8:39 PM on April 7, 2008

Hey, so I just realized. Since there were 31 days in March, do we have until 5:30am PST (just under 9 hours!) to hit 2k?

Sweet zombie jesus, i think we will need to double up our efforts!

Quick to your sock puppets!
posted by mrzarquon at 8:41 PM on April 7, 2008

I didn't mean it, Slim! Don't hurt me!
posted by mosessis at 8:43 PM on April 7, 2008

It's 30 days, right? Which would mean another 31 hours or so I think?

I hope?
posted by mosessis at 8:47 PM on April 7, 2008

I had nothig to say, so I said it and left.
posted by Dr. Curare at 8:48 PM on April 7, 2008

its 30 days from the post starting on march 8th, which would be i think ending the 8th of this month, unless my math is wrong (which it could well be).

march 31-8 = 23 days, April 8-1st = 7 days, so the 30th day would be tomorrow at 5:30am (PST).

There is the whole counting at 0 thing, etc. to consider, but I strongly believe that we got less than 9 hours to finish this before the thread closes.

We might need to get PB in here to verify.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:55 PM on April 7, 2008

oh crap. we need a mod to tell us if it's 30 days or calendar month?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:58 PM on April 7, 2008

I need another instrumental today, don't I? Well, here's one.
posted by dw at 8:59 PM on April 7, 2008

I know. Should we use the contact form or memail?
posted by mrzarquon at 8:59 PM on April 7, 2008

Curare you were doing fine stylish work here earlier. Now is the time for every man to come to the aid of his thread.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:00 PM on April 7, 2008

Just doing my part in the 2k goal.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:00 PM on April 7, 2008

Oh wth.

My math is freaking bad today.

Its April 7th, the thread opened on the 10th. So even if we lose a day, thats the 9th at 5:30am, right?
posted by mrzarquon at 9:01 PM on April 7, 2008

dw, I'm kind of thinking that this thread has a Vangelis kind of background noise welling up... yes, I hear it faintly....
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:01 PM on April 7, 2008

Have you guys seen Chariots of Fire lately?

It looks awful -- or at least, pretty weak for having been the Cinematic Toast of 1982.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:03 PM on April 7, 2008

dw- what makes that youtube better is the epic cigarette drag at the opening scene, just before he begins playing the piano.
posted by mrzarquon at 9:03 PM on April 7, 2008

mrz: So we have just over 24 h?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:04 PM on April 7, 2008

Oooo- getting into the 1770s, we should know some significant dates here.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:05 PM on April 7, 2008

So we have 230 comments to go and just over 24 h to do it. If we can average 10 cmts/hr, we will make it to the promised land.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:09 PM on April 7, 2008

Incidentally, if we want to topple 9622, then 2686 comments is the number to beat... which would mean averaging 40 comments an hour over 24 hours.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:10 PM on April 7, 2008

Hey John Kenneth Fisher, you maybe should add this thread to your profile page of historic threads (because of the U N Owen business, not the longboatingosity).
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:14 PM on April 7, 2008

dw- what makes that youtube better is the epic cigarette drag at the opening scene, just before he begins playing the piano.

I was going to say that. Just didn't get around to it.

This is the song I know Vangelis for.
posted by dw at 9:17 PM on April 7, 2008

Oops, just posted 1776 without the obvious reference.
posted by dw at 9:19 PM on April 7, 2008

It's really hot here right now. I wish I had a fan.

Does anyone else have weather?
posted by mosessis at 9:21 PM on April 7, 2008

I just realized I've participated in the second, third, and fourth longest MeTa threads in history.
posted by dw at 9:22 PM on April 7, 2008

mosessis- 50 degrees F and possibly rainy up here in seattle right now.

I think we should have over 24 hours to get this completed.

in 1780, something happened. something important. the consequences will not be known until 2025 however.
posted by mrzarquon at 9:28 PM on April 7, 2008

Brief story about Chariots of Fire.

At the swimming pool, I kept humming some stupid thing stuck in my head. My girlfriend asked me what it was. I gave her, like, this total, OMG U don't know Chariots of Fire? Then we were hanging out at speicus's house after his birthday with mandyman, and he started playing this song and my girlfriend goes, oh, I know that—it's Chariots of Fire. Upon hearing it played, I corrected her kinda reflexively—no, it's Europe's Final Countdown.

You know, the same song I told you was Chariots of Fire. I felt like a dick for not only not knowing what the hell I was humming, but for telling my girlfriend the wrong thing, and also correcting her (whereupon everyone else was like, duh, of course it's Europe's Final Countdown—this other anthemic tune is Chariots of Fire), which made it seem like I'd set her up.
posted by klangklangston at 9:34 PM on April 7, 2008

"Also, looking at the threads to beat in the Mefi Data Playground... 9622 and anything else that was open for more than a month requires an asterisk. We're going for the pure one-month mark here."

I like this idea.

Add that to your user revolts, Jessamyn!

(Unless she's removed this from her activity).
posted by klangklangston at 9:38 PM on April 7, 2008

And then you said "mua ha ha"?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:39 PM on April 7, 2008

Re: Prog

Rate Your Music considers Thee Image "Inside the Triangle" to be prog, when it's really this weird disco fusion yacht rock album.

I'm not sure how I feel about that, except that damn, this band is hilariously funky and white-harmonic.
posted by klangklangston at 9:41 PM on April 7, 2008

mosessis, I wish I was with you where you are!
posted by mlis at 9:43 PM on April 7, 2008

The users are revolting!
posted by ikkyu2 at 9:43 PM on April 7, 2008

I'll say!
posted by dersins at 9:51 PM on April 7, 2008

MLIS! You were lost, but now found. Lovely. It's good to see you again.

Here's a small present from the recent (and first ever!) meetup round these parts.

Also, cortex, if you're still following this thread, judgment was just invoked and you are in the process of being voted off the island. But as there's currently no rule to prevent it, you're of course able to rejoin at any time. But it looks like the game will be moving on without you.
posted by mosessis at 9:54 PM on April 7, 2008

Hey, guess what!
posted by dersins at 9:54 PM on April 7, 2008

30 days. Not calendar month. We have till 5:29 am pacific time, April 9th.

We're going to make it. And then some.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:57 PM on April 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

What?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:57 PM on April 7, 2008

chicken butt?
posted by mrzarquon at 9:59 PM on April 7, 2008

We have till 5:29 am pacific time, April 9th.

OR LONGER IF CERTAIN MODERATORS CAN JUST RE-CATEGORIZE THIS AS A METAFILTER GATHERING MEETUP POST THINGY IN WHICH CASE WE HAVE AN ADDITIONAL FIVE FREAKING MONTHS COME ON PEOPLE DO ME A SOLID AND DON'T TELL ME IT CAN'T BE DONE YOU LIARS YOU'LL PAY FOR YOUR LIES JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM PAID DAMN YOU
posted by dersins at 10:10 PM on April 7, 2008

Also, butts lol.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:16 PM on April 7, 2008

butts lol indeed, my friend. butts lol indeed.
posted by dersins at 10:18 PM on April 7, 2008

1796: Robert Burns and Catherine the Great both die. Coincidence? Only the horse knows for sure.
posted by dersins at 10:22 PM on April 7, 2008

Haggis is made of horses?
posted by dw at 10:24 PM on April 7, 2008

Rooty tooty, fresh and fruity.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:25 PM on April 7, 2008

I prefer Moons Over My Hammy.
posted by dersins at 10:27 PM on April 7, 2008

(And sextuple sparta.)
posted by dersins at 10:28 PM on April 7, 2008

You know, dersins, I just spent 20 minutes with "sextuple sparta" rattling around in the back of my head trying to figure out what the hell you were on about and I only just figured it out. Which retroactively makes things upthread make more sense too. Sigh. It's almost time for my shift to end, I can only hope the Australians and the Japanese and Koreans pick things up during the still small hours. Remember gang: we must average 10 comments/hour.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:58 PM on April 7, 2008

Thinking about 9622 and earlier epic threads: they used the IMG tag a lot to keep things rolling. What a happy coincidence that when the IMG went the way of the dodo, the Youtube link was there, like a ..smaller...island...bird or mammal?.... to take its place in the ecosystem.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:01 PM on April 7, 2008

I'll be able to return in 8 hours or so to keep the momentum going. I think I am the Longboat cheerleader now?
posted by mrzarquon at 11:02 PM on April 7, 2008

I hate Kansas.
posted by dw at 11:12 PM on April 7, 2008

The band?
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:21 PM on April 7, 2008

What's the matter with Kansas?
posted by dersins at 11:21 PM on April 7, 2008

A friend of mine was having dinner at a Vegas casino buffet (he has worked in a few casinos, I don't remember which one this was), and had a funny little exchange with the guy behind him in the buffet line, and it turned out to be the bassist from Kansas. (I think; could have been the rhythm guitarist.) So somehow they end up sitting down to eat their solo buffet dinners together.

My friend was a music composition major in college, only listens to classical music, and has never heard of Kansas or any of their songs. But this guy from Kansas is very gracious and they have a great and wide-ranging conversation about music, and what it's like to be basically a working background musician at his age (he was finishing a gig in Vegas and about to fly to Missouri for more gigs), how he still is basically glad that this is his job, etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:28 PM on April 7, 2008

Oh.... basketball.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:36 PM on April 7, 2008

So, here's how the basketball situation has been glossed for me:

The University of Kansas's basketball team is always very good but hasn't won the big tournament in 20 years. They had a beloved longtime coach who -- maybe three years ago -- lost the championship and then up and left the school for a big paycheck at UNC (when he had publicly turned down a position there a couple years previously, making a big point of how he loved Kansas too much to ever leave). So, new coach, coming back from heartbreak, they make it to the final game. They're down by 9 points with 2:12 to play, and managed to tie it up with a shot at 0:02. First overtime in the championship game in 10 years. And they won!

(So, dw, I'm guessing maybe you are a Memphis fan? Or a Memphis "investor"?)
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:47 PM on April 7, 2008

I'm tired. It's past my bedtime. You people better have this thread close to the 2K mark by the time I wake up.
posted by dersins at 11:58 PM on April 7, 2008

(So, dw, I'm guessing maybe you are a Memphis fan? Or a Memphis "investor"?)

Nope. Just matriculated from a school that gets its ass handed to it by Kansas twice a year, three times in down years for Kansas when they have to play the opening round of the Big XII tourney.
posted by dw at 12:07 AM on April 8, 2008

This is about 200 comments too late, I haven't bothered counting (or keeping up with the thread, really, since fucking managerial accounting has me in its death grips and the only way to forget about capital cost allowances is with some good MeTa spam) how many comments I am behind.

But I will say.

I went and rewatched Yahtzee's rants on Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles and Paper Mario and Super Mario Party and reading your little squeals of delights about the game was sort of unreal. Like there was someone more snarky than the collective MeFi.

You have failed me. FAILED, y'hear?
posted by Phire at 12:43 AM on April 8, 2008

OH. ALSO. 1812.

TAKE THAT.

And The White House burned burned buuuuuurned
And we're the ones that did it
It burned burned buuuuuuurned
While the President ran and cried
It burned burned buuuuuuuuuuuurned
And things were very historical

And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies wah wah waaaaah
In the War of 1812
posted by Phire at 12:46 AM on April 8, 2008

Late to the conversation, but as an experiment, I asked a panhandler for change, I got $10 worth of quarters, and he seemed happy with the deal.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:47 AM on April 8, 2008

At this point I am just pouring my coffee straight into the toilet to save time.

How big does a company have to be so that one can stop pulling start-up hours?
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:19 AM on April 8, 2008

Hi, you guys! You're still in my "recent activity" so I see you every day. It's a little bit like when you move away from somewhere, but you haven't really adjusted to being in the new place yet, and you call your friends back home every day to see what they are doing, and then they tell you, "oh, we had a picnic/pool tournament/etc. and then fought with neighbors/tornado almost touched down/etc." and you can so picture yourself being there, except you weren't.

*waves*
posted by taz at 3:07 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

What taz said. I tried, but I'm just so bad at keeping in touch.
posted by OmieWise at 6:16 AM on April 8, 2008

I love Kansas the band. Well, at least Carry On Wayward Son. There's your prog rock, kids.
posted by pineapple at 6:18 AM on April 8, 2008

Also, your Word of the Day:

Did you know that matriculate means merely to enter a school? And is not a synonym for "graduate from a school"? So technically, either way, you can't matriculate from a school?
posted by pineapple at 6:20 AM on April 8, 2008

Also, also, cortex and LobsterMitten are clearly captains of the boat right now, with 147 and 132 comments, respectively.
posted by pineapple at 6:22 AM on April 8, 2008

Also, also, also, do you know why there are exactly two minutes between each of my recent comments?

Because that's how long it's taking this beast to reload on my machine, with the scripts and all.
posted by pineapple at 6:24 AM on April 8, 2008

At my college, there was actually a Matriculation Day, which did mark our formal entry into the program. We had to fill out a Matriculation Form at the registrar's, and there were some welcome speeches and then began the orientation stuff.
posted by Miko at 6:55 AM on April 8, 2008

I went and rewatched Yahtzee's rants on Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles and Paper Mario and Super Mario Party and reading your little squeals of delights about the game was sort of unreal.

I can't speak for Paper or Party, but the thing you have to understand about Yahtzee's rant about RE: UC is that he's pretty much on the money and it doesn't fucking matter. Not one little bit.

People like me, true believers in the RE franchise as not a worthy canon but a flawed cultural artifact that just keeps on giving? We want exactly what we're getting. We want another ham-handed attempt to extend or justify the mess that is Resident Evil. We want more bad dialog—and while the RE: UC dialog is (like that of many of the more recent games) yards more polished and well-delivered than the original game's masterstrokes of incompetence, it's still laughable and broken.

Like, there's one scene where it's either Jill Valentine and Chris Redfield or maybe Jill and Carlos, and whatever is going on the male side of the team is making comments about the situation to which Jill responds with something like "yeah, it sure seems that way." Except they fucked up the pacing of the dialogue, so SHE AGREES THAT IT SEEMS THAT WAY FIRST.

It's an amazingly stupid mistake on their part. How does that not get caught in testing, and fixed? I mean, for crap's sake, it's a rail shooter. All you have to do is play through it. There's no twists and turns to worry about, no exploration edge cases to duplicate.

For all of Yahtzee's reasonable observations, the game is Resident Evil and that is why I got it. I want it to be bad. Bad + fun, ideally (see Resident Evil 4 as proof that the world is a fundamentally good place), but "bad" is pretty much required.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:14 AM on April 8, 2008

I'm almost to Twitter parity. Following 70, 66 followers.
posted by dw at 7:52 AM on April 8, 2008

Only 14 comments in the 8 hours I was asleep? You people suck at this
posted by dersins at 8:09 AM on April 8, 2008

GO ON, THEN, PULITZER THE OTHER ONE
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:48 AM on April 8, 2008

*chambers round into sporting shotgun, sets feet*

"PULITZER!"
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:52 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

BUT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN
BECAUSE YOU'RE
DOING THE CHURLISH
PULITZER
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:53 AM on April 8, 2008

KERRY: The United Nations, Kofi Annan offered help after Baghdad fell. And we never picked him up on that and did what was necessary to transfer authority and to transfer reconstruction. It was always American-run.

Secondly, when we went in, there were three countries: Great Britain, Australia and the United States. That's not a grand coalition. We can do better.

LEHRER: Thirty seconds, Mr. President.

BUSH: Well, actually, he forgot PULITZER.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:02 AM on April 8, 2008

But, more importantly, dongs rofl.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:13 AM on April 8, 2008

Do you guys think if we played questions, the people following this in Recent Activity would play too?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:25 AM on April 8, 2008

Why do you think they would want to?
posted by dersins at 9:28 AM on April 8, 2008

Do you think they even know how to play?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:28 AM on April 8, 2008

Why wouldn't we know how to play?
posted by Skorgu at 9:31 AM on April 8, 2008

Are you accusing them of cultural illiteracy?
posted by dersins at 9:31 AM on April 8, 2008

Is this some sort of trick?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:32 AM on April 8, 2008

Also, can I please have two rolls of quarters?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:32 AM on April 8, 2008

Where are you going to put those rolls of quarters?
posted by dersins at 9:34 AM on April 8, 2008

Can I play?
posted by MrMustard at 9:38 AM on April 8, 2008

And if you're putting them there, why only two?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:38 AM on April 8, 2008

MrMustard, did you bring your helmet?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:40 AM on April 8, 2008

What is all this?
posted by languagehat at 9:44 AM on April 8, 2008

"What's all this, then?"
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:47 AM on April 8, 2008

What'd you say about ass quarters?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:50 AM on April 8, 2008

oh sure, NOW everyone wants to play now that we're getting close to 2000. HANGERS ON!
posted by shmegegge at 9:54 AM on April 8, 2008

Have I mentioned I went to Bucknell?
posted by mrzarquon at 9:54 AM on April 8, 2008

1848: Flashman pretends to be Prince. The greatest state in the Union is formed.
posted by drezdn at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2008

Speaking of asses, what happened to the donkey?
posted by dersins at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2008

BOO! BOO!
posted by drezdn at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2008

shmegegge must wear the hat and dance for our amusement!
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:03 AM on April 8, 2008

Is 1853 the exact fulcrum of history between really embarrassingly old history and merely charmingly antiquated history?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:05 AM on April 8, 2008

Did they have steam and spring-powered gadgets?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:14 AM on April 8, 2008

1855: Abraham Lincoln is heard to exclaim "If this is going to be THAT kind of party, I'm-a stick MY dick in the mashed potatoes!" at a party. Stephen Douglas is mortified.
posted by shmegegge at 10:14 AM on April 8, 2008

In Eighteen Hundred Fifty Seven
The Jews Still Ate their Bread Unleavened
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:15 AM on April 8, 2008

Well there's a path you take, and the path not taken. The choice is up to you, my friend.
posted by shmegegge at 10:18 AM on April 8, 2008

HEINEKEN?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:24 AM on April 8, 2008

FUCK THAT SHIT!
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:24 AM on April 8, 2008

There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there's still time to change the road you're on.
posted by adamrice at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2008

PABST!
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2008

BLUE!
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2008

~~SPARTA!~~ PULITZER!
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:28 AM on April 8, 2008

CIVIL WAR OVER! RACE RELATIONS IN UNITED STATES OFFICIALLY PERFECT NOW!
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:30 AM on April 8, 2008

I! DRINK! YOUR! PULITZER! I DRINK IT UP!
posted by dw at 10:42 AM on April 8, 2008

This song was stuck in my head this morning. Now it's stuck in yours.
posted by dw at 10:44 AM on April 8, 2008

HUGS!
posted by shmegegge at 10:59 AM on April 8, 2008

No hugs until you dance for us.
posted by languagehat at 11:02 AM on April 8, 2008

WEAR THE HAT AND DANCE!
posted by languagehat at 11:02 AM on April 8, 2008

But your friends don't dance.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:05 AM on April 8, 2008

I discovered finance.google.com recently. Now I can watch my portfolio lose money in real time! (20 minutes delayed, of course)
posted by dw at 11:06 AM on April 8, 2008

And if they don't dance? Also not my friends.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:06 AM on April 8, 2008

Also:

Did you know that matriculate means merely to enter a school? And is not a synonym for "graduate from a school"? So technically, either way, you can't matriculate from a school?

I did not know that! It turns out the verb is from the noun matricula 'A list or register of people belonging to a university, guild, etc.,' which is from Latin matricula 'index, catalogue' (late 2nd cent. of things, late 4th cent. of people), 'register of the poor' (6th cent.), 'list, register.' So to matriculate is (etymologically, of course) to be registered.

This thread is educational as well as ~~subversive of all that is good and holy~~ fun!
posted by languagehat at 11:06 AM on April 8, 2008

AND IF THEY CAN'T DANCE, THEN THEY AIN'T NO FRIEND O' MINE o/'
posted by numinous at 11:07 AM on April 8, 2008

ugh preview
posted by numinous at 11:08 AM on April 8, 2008

From the gospel according to (and this is the key bit, so pay attention):
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:08 AM on April 8, 2008

*hugs shmegegge*
posted by grouse at 11:08 AM on April 8, 2008

men SANS PANTS
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:09 AM on April 8, 2008

I had always (very vaguely) thought that "matriculate" actually meant something like "transfer, as under unusual cirumstances", in fact. Oh well.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:10 AM on April 8, 2008

how in god's name did you not know that, lh? I'm rethinking my deference to you on language related questions.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:12 AM on April 8, 2008

Wait that was supposed to be "SANS HATS". Apparently the idea of being sans pants is sufficiently endemic to my worldview that the replacement slipped right by me.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:13 AM on April 8, 2008

My students think that it's ok to say "one downfall of this proposal is" when they mean "drawback". An early grave, is what they're driving me to.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:14 AM on April 8, 2008

or maybe they mean "down side"?
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:15 AM on April 8, 2008

Now, coffee and student meetings. See you all on the flip side.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:16 AM on April 8, 2008

One upfall of an early grave is that irregardless of what your students achieve in life, you will be dead.
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:16 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I did know what "matriculate" means, although I confess I had never heard of the trivium and quadrivium until I read Infinite Jest. Speaking of ~~subversive of all that is good and holy~~ fun!
posted by adamrice at 11:17 AM on April 8, 2008

This thread is going faster than my legs can dance!

*sobs while dancing*
posted by shmegegge at 11:18 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

how in god's name did you not know that, lh? I'm rethinking my deference to you on language related questions.

*cries, changes username to languagefat*
posted by languagehat at 11:23 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

at my university, they started a 'tradition' my first year, called first night. It meant that after the first semester, they made you light candles and walk through the gates. The alumni office developed this, because it was shown that colleges with more rituals associated with them have a higher rate of alumni donation. Also at this point, we were considered 'matriculated alumni' so we were fair game for getting calls for money, even if we never graduated from the university.

My senior year we interviewed first year students about the now, 4 year old ceremony. They thought it was part of the schools tradition since its founding. How easy it is to shape history.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:24 AM on April 8, 2008

We're rapidly approaching the twentieth century.
posted by languagehat at 11:25 AM on April 8, 2008

languagefat? More like languageHAT, AMIRITE? lol
posted by grouse at 11:25 AM on April 8, 2008

languagefat

lol
posted by dersins at 11:25 AM on April 8, 2008

In fact, we're already into, if not living memory, second-hand memory; my father's father (Daddy Joe, we called him, and I got my attachment to hats from him) was born in 1878 and used to talk about his memories of the 1890s (riding through Indian Territory, etc.).

It would be kind of neat if we got to comment 2008 just as the thread closed.
posted by languagehat at 11:27 AM on April 8, 2008

In eighteen hundred and ninety five, Columbus was really not alive.
posted by dersins at 11:28 AM on April 8, 2008

You know, there must be a bunch of people who have no idea this thread exists, and to to MetaTalk and see "no new links and 57 comments posted since your last visit" and look down the page and see one or two new comments and think "Where the fuck are all those comments?"
posted by languagehat at 11:30 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

lol
posted by languagehat at 11:30 AM on April 8, 2008

amirite?
posted by languagehat at 11:31 AM on April 8, 2008

i am rite.
posted by languagehat at 11:32 AM on April 8, 2008

The comments are coming from INSIDE METATALK!
posted by dersins at 11:32 AM on April 8, 2008

1900 BABY!
posted by languagehat at 11:32 AM on April 8, 2008

INSIDE, I TELLYOU!
posted by dersins at 11:32 AM on April 8, 2008

Ah, fuck.
posted by languagehat at 11:32 AM on April 8, 2008

*adds dersins to enemies list*
posted by languagehat at 11:33 AM on April 8, 2008

Sorry. I just had to add YET ANOTHER round number to my collection.
posted by dersins at 11:34 AM on April 8, 2008

In 1906, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
posted by shmegegge at 11:35 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

And anyway, didn't you add me to your enemies list last time we did this?
posted by dersins at 11:40 AM on April 8, 2008

cries, changes

I read that as "cringes", initially. As such, I'm going to start circulating a folk etymology for "cringe" as having been created as a portmanteau of "cry" and "change", as if to capture the dreary desparation of the victim in an overbearing or abusive power dynamic.

I will further circulate the notion that this was coined in an early bootleg draft of Suzanne Vega's "Luka", which had lyrics that differed somewhat from the album cut.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:44 AM on April 8, 2008

Yes, he lived on the 1st floor in that version.
posted by shmegegge at 11:45 AM on April 8, 2008

I wish we really had an enemies list. I'd put people on it just to see if they were paying attention.
posted by pineapple at 11:49 AM on April 8, 2008

And I would call them my enemefies. Even if no one else did.
posted by pineapple at 11:51 AM on April 8, 2008

Man, okay. I'm excited about this idea. This is a good idea:

A series of Rough Draft Covers. Take famous songs, and rewrite them regressively as crappier, more awkward first-draft versions of same. Fuck up the meter, neuter a key hook, swap out a chord. Change it from 4/4 to waltz. Drop it half an octave. The possibilities are many, and the results, if done with a certain straight-faced aplomb, would be I think hilarious.

And there's a couple distinct ways I can think of to sell the gimmick:

1. Sound-alike covers. Try and make the rough draft hew fairly close in vocal and instrumental style to the original artist, as if this really is their bootleg demo from before they got big.

2. As a unselfconsciously bad display of prowess: the artist is making a name for himself by showing how much better he could have done it than those lazy rich no-talent jerkasses who got by on favors and blowjobs and being cousins with the VP of EMI etc.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:52 AM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I would like to pose a dilemma to you fine people.

I just ate breakfast tacos. For lunch. Clearly, they cannot be called "lunch tacos" or just "tacos," but neither is "breakfast taco" really appropriate.

Please hope me.
posted by pineapple at 11:53 AM on April 8, 2008

enemefies

YM "mefenemies." HTH.
posted by dersins at 11:53 AM on April 8, 2008

The advantages of the first plan:
- More impressive as a musical accomplishment—more like to get circulated accordingly.
- Has chance of fooling credulous people. Take that, credulous people!

The advantages of the second plan:
- Easier to produce songs. Less pre-production homework involved.
- Don't need to find extra vocalists and/or be a great vocal mimic to pull it off well.
- Could have entertaining douchebag blog built up around it as supporting narrative.
- Has chance of fooling different set of credulous people.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:57 AM on April 8, 2008

1917.

And, no, I did not mean "me-FENN-eh-mees." That doesn't roll off the tongue like "en-eh-MEE-Fi."
posted by pineapple at 11:57 AM on April 8, 2008

TACO TAKES NO QUALIFIERS
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:57 AM on April 8, 2008

cortex: post it to projects
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:58 AM on April 8, 2008

Also, "nemefis", plural "nemefes".
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:58 AM on April 8, 2008

My breakfast THAC0, on the other hand, is 21.
But my after coffee THAC0 is 1.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Cortex, stop or you will have to pay memefees.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:01 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
It's a simple request.
When I'll say that something
I want to hold your breast,
I want to hold your breast,
I want to hold your breast.
posted by shmegegge at 12:02 PM on April 8, 2008

if by breakfast tacos you mean tacos with eggs / sausage in them, possibly tacos con juevos?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Zinoviev letter.
posted by matthewr at 12:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Cock, this thread moves far too fast to keep up.
posted by matthewr at 12:03 PM on April 8, 2008

This thread needs more (.)(.)
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:04 PM on April 8, 2008

THAC0 FOR BEING A FRIEND
CAMPAIGNED DOWN THE ROAD AND BACK AGAIN
YOU'RE LAWFUL GOOD
YOU'RE AN PALADIN ON A MOUNT
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:04 PM on April 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

We have entered the modern era.

Now, I suggest Mefenemisis's because its a long unwieldy word to type.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:05 PM on April 8, 2008

That's the spirit, shmegegge.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:05 PM on April 8, 2008

If it helps anyone, this is a Greasemonkey script that numbers comments.
posted by matthewr at 12:08 PM on April 8, 2008

I didn't have any sausage, sadly. But, yes, I guess I could just say "I had egg tacos for lunch."

matthewr, um, I don't know how to say this discreetly but, I think you misspelled "cortex," there.

awkward.
posted by pineapple at 12:09 PM on April 8, 2008

I got that weird optical illusion of the Grace Kelly poster, again, just now.

Hm. That seems amiss.

How do you know if you're entering a fugue sta
posted by pineapple at 12:11 PM on April 8, 2008

pineapple- it works better if you roll your R's while you say "tacos con juevos" especially if you insert random R's into the phrase, and others peoples phrases also. You have to be careful, or else you just sound like a dick pirate.

Also, who is still trying to load this using greasemonkey? I think this thread official borks it, for those of us in the competitive long boating teams.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:11 PM on April 8, 2008

Well, you take the good, you take the bad. You take them both and there you have:

Chaotic Good. Chaotic Good.

When the law never seems
to be living up to your dreams,
and suddenly you're finding out
Chaotic Good is all about you.
posted by shmegegge at 12:11 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

mrz, I was still trying to use scripts up till about 45 seconds ago. Because I didn't realize I could just click the little monkey to easily turn them off -- I thought I had to go into somewhere and do something.
posted by pineapple at 12:14 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey John Kenneth Fisher, you maybe should add this thread to your profile page of historic threads (because of the U N Owen business, not the longboatingosity).

You're absolutely right. That list isn't done yet (probably never will bem but you know what I mean), but once I do the next wave, i'll add the UN Owen highlights, plus this one. Feel free to flood this to 2000 with more key history threads I should add :-)

(trying to make sure it gets there)
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 12:14 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex- I think trying to remake songs as if they were written by the musician before they came off their high, so reinserting the lyrics and phrases that were eventually cut from the recordings.

I am sure inserting references to twinkies, your mother, having to poop, and sounds of someone falling off their stool could replicate the effect.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:14 PM on April 8, 2008

I usually have to go places and do things, but then i get arrested and words like "public drunkeness" and "peeing on goats" are thrown about, and then I wake up at home with sore knuckles and a mullet (not mine, just the remnants of someone mullet). This is why I don't drink Ole Grandad whisky.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:17 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, I fear I sound like a dick pirate most of the time anyway.

It's the eyepatch.
posted by pineapple at 12:18 PM on April 8, 2008

We're actually going to hit 2000. OMG. yaymetafilterhistory.

(shh. it is history if I say it is.)
posted by Phire at 12:22 PM on April 8, 2008

no, but the steering wheel does!
posted by shmegegge at 12:22 PM on April 8, 2008

dammit, phire.
posted by shmegegge at 12:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Which (roughly) coincides with the page being over 2,000Kb.
posted by matthewr at 12:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Nah, I just flip it up.
posted by pineapple at 12:23 PM on April 8, 2008

No, but it's led to a lateral curve.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:24 PM on April 8, 2008

Lefty the Landlubber
posted by carsonb at 12:26 PM on April 8, 2008

nukular age is upon us.

Theremin music is the new score for scifi movies.

the first batch of MST3K quality movies are being produced.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:26 PM on April 8, 2008

You know what this thread is turning out to be one of?
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:28 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

A kind.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:28 PM on April 8, 2008

1954, Henry Kissinger coins the phrase "keep my pimp hand strong."
posted by shmegegge at 12:29 PM on April 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

And anyway, didn't you add me to your enemies list last time we did this?

No, I just said you didn't rock. And now you're really on my enemies list, because I just wasted god knows how much time rereading huge chunks of that thread. That was a good one. And it gives me renewed hope for this one as we stagger towards the finish line.

Personal to cortex: Lay off the coffee, man. Your eyes are bugging out and you're gibbering.
posted by languagehat at 12:30 PM on April 8, 2008

You know what generis this thread is? Sui.
posted by matthewr at 12:30 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also, I'm starting to think that the first project musical to come out of this thread should actually be a whole series of 80s sitcom themes rewritten as D&D filk.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:31 PM on April 8, 2008

EPIC THREAD!

I was awoken from my peaceful slumber no less than FIVE times last night by the unusually loud h-h-huh-ONKs of seemingly low-flying migrating geese. If y'all could mefimail me equally epic amounts of caffeine, I'd really appreciate it. Tacos would be nice too.

So. Bloody. Tired. And tacoless.
posted by CKmtl at 12:31 PM on April 8, 2008

This is a generic comment.
posted by dw at 12:32 PM on April 8, 2008

No, wait, that was decades ago. This thread is picking up speed and heading for the precipice.
posted by languagehat at 12:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Actually, I'm feeling a lot more happy-go-lucky and lazy about this one. Plus I'd feel like kind of a ~~cortex~~ cock if I snagged the milestones too often.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:34 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex, you have an IMG link (naughty power abuser) and witty quip for 2000 all ready to post in another window, don't you?

He'd better. Otherwise we're all wasting our time.
posted by languagehat at 12:34 PM on April 8, 2008

By the way, the current contest of my clipboard:

portmanteau
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:35 PM on April 8, 2008

The newcomers are ruining this thread!

GO BACK TO THE PUNY THREADS WHERE YOU CAME FROM!
YOU ARE TAKING OUR ROUND NUMBERED COMMENTS FROM US, WITH YOUR LOW COST COMMENTS!
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:35 PM on April 8, 2008

Contents. Fuck you, me.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:36 PM on April 8, 2008

Did you know there is no such thing as an uninteresting number?

What is the first uninteresting number? Well, not anymore, because it is the FIRST UNINTERESTING NUMBER, and that makes it interesting.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:36 PM on April 8, 2008

Fuck me, you.

No, wait.

Don't.
posted by dersins at 12:37 PM on April 8, 2008

My current clipboard content:
www.saveayrn.com

It's a long story, but it's not Pepsi Blue. Crystal Pepsi, maybe.
posted by dw at 12:37 PM on April 8, 2008

On this day in 1971, Chicago became the first rock group to play Carnegie Hall in New York City. Through the 1970s and 1980s, Chicago scored big with these hits: "Make Me Smile", "25 or 6 to 4", "Saturday in the Park", "Old Days", "Baby, What a Big Surprise", "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" and many others.

And in that spirit, here's an early draft of one of those Chicago hits:

Saturday in Gorky Park
I think it was the фоуртх оф юлы
Saturday in Gorky Park
I think it was the фоуртх оф юлы
People данцинг, people лаугхинг
A man selling khvorost
Singing Cold War songs
Can you dig it, comrade (yes, I can)
And I've been waiting such a long time
For Saturday
posted by pineapple at 12:37 PM on April 8, 2008

I have to leave for a meeting in 8 minutes. Can we get to 2000 by then?
posted by dw at 12:38 PM on April 8, 2008

oh man. we already missed the roswell incident. which was on my birthday (well, not the year, but 7/7)

Speaking of which, last years bday was great (7/7/7)
posted by mrzarquon at 12:39 PM on April 8, 2008

Current contents of my clipboard:

enemefies

I guess I'm paying more attention to this thread than to my job.

Oops.
posted by dersins at 12:39 PM on April 8, 2008

Yeah, don't tell me. I already know.
posted by pineapple at 12:39 PM on April 8, 2008

I just went to Recent Activity and found this:

1963 total comments. 0 since your most recent comment...

cortex, you have an IMG link (naughty power abuser) and witty quip for 2000 all ready to post in another window, don't you?

He'd better. Otherwise we're all wasting our time.
posted by languagehat Moments ago [+]

By the way, the current contest of my clipboard:

portmanteau
posted by cortex Just posted [+]

0 comments, but there's one right there. And I scrolled down and found it again. And scrolled down and found it again.

This thread is killing Recent Activity.

We'd better get an IMG out of it, 's all I can say.
posted by languagehat at 12:39 PM on April 8, 2008

A++++!!!! WOULD THREADCAMP AGAIN!!!
posted by shmegegge at 12:41 PM on April 8, 2008

It's kind of stunning how long this thread is taking to load, now. And how rapidly it's progressing. Makes conversation nigh impossible.
posted by dersins at 12:41 PM on April 8, 2008

I ♥ the 80's.
posted by pineapple at 12:42 PM on April 8, 2008

Here comes the Reagan Revolution.
posted by dw at 12:42 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, feel free to Google "heart html" for a nice surprise.
posted by pineapple at 12:43 PM on April 8, 2008

OMG I LOVE THE 80'S!
posted by dersins at 12:43 PM on April 8, 2008

dersins, you remember that episode of Star Trek (TOS) where the antagonists were moving at this incredibly high speed and the crew couldn't figure out what was up and then the bad guys spend Spock and Kirk way up so they could hang out?

I think Youtube comments are what happens if you take Mefi and mash it up against those aliens from that episode, basically.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Makes conversation nigh impossible.

Oh, I'd say this conversation's been nigh impossible for about two weeks now.

ba-DUMP-bump. Swish!
posted by pineapple at 12:44 PM on April 8, 2008

will there be a massive pause as everyone waits for 1999 to show up so they can post comment 2000?!

Tune in next episode. Same metatalk time, same metatalk channel!
posted by shmegegge at 12:44 PM on April 8, 2008

If I time it right, this comment represents the year I graduated from high school. I probably won't time it right, though.
posted by dersins at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2008

I can see a new horizon
Underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's
Flyin' higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion
All I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin'

(and where I can find a letter G....)
posted by pineapple at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm already feeling the emptiness. But now it's time to head up to a meeting and see if the thing I've been trying to get happening for seven years is about to happen.
posted by dw at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2008

I timed it right!
posted by dersins at 12:46 PM on April 8, 2008

will there be a massive pause as everyone waits for 1999 to show up so they can post comment 2000?!

No! Because, some of us are not just in this for the
posted by pineapple at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2008

the thing I've been trying to get happening for seven years is about to happen

It's happening RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.
posted by dersins at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2008

GLORY
posted by pineapple at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Stay on target. Stay on target!
posted by dersins at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

...we're here for the TEAM
posted by pineapple at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey, am I the only one worried about the consequences of C2K? I mean, what if metafilter goes dark?

I'm stocking up on iron rations and bottled snark just in case.
posted by dersins at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Well, that was fun.
posted by matthewr at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2008

SPARTA!!!!
posted by shmegegge at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2008

posted by cortex (staff) at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2008

I said let's all meet up in comment 2000.
Wont it be strange when the thread is fully grown....
posted by dw at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2008

*sprays champagne on the crowd*
posted by pineapple at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2008

Here in the year 2000 Things are going well. It looks like Bush will pose little threat to Gore as he sweeps into office, for 4 years of clean politics and clean energy.

Things will go well.

SPARTA

PULITZER

MONKEY
posted by mrzarquon at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2008

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
posted by shmegegge at 12:49 PM on April 8, 2008

I can't believe I skipped lunch for this.
posted by dersins at 12:49 PM on April 8, 2008

God damnit. I had this setup and everything, but work kept distracting me. In hindsight, I am glad I am just post 2006, because it didn't have time to make an awesome 2000 comment.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh, wait, yes I can.
posted by dersins at 12:50 PM on April 8, 2008

ok, now I can go eat lunch.

So what should it be?

(btw if we keep this rate up, we can easily hit 2.8K+ before 5:29am pst tomorrow morning)
posted by mrzarquon at 12:51 PM on April 8, 2008

I was so close. I've never had a successful sparta moment, and I invented it! I'm completely devastated. I flagged matthewr's comment as sexist in the hopes that I might retcon my way into the 2000th spot.
posted by shmegegge at 12:53 PM on April 8, 2008

*looks around*

So, this is what the future is like?

Huh.

*shrugs*

A lot like the present, only crowdeder and more messier.
posted by dersins at 12:53 PM on April 8, 2008

ZOMG!
posted by matthewr at 12:53 PM on April 8, 2008

WOOO!

Nice use of img tag!

*feels suddenly empty*

*smells wife cooking meatballs, salivates*
posted by languagehat at 12:55 PM on April 8, 2008

more messier

More messier indeed!
posted by dersins at 12:55 PM on April 8, 2008

You know, the craziest shit could have been going down on mefi for the last hour or so and I would have no idea. I feel a little bit bad about that.

I flagged matthewr's comment

Huh. So you did. As did matthewr, but as "fantastic". I think it's time we step past the flag system, gentlemen, and into the world of legal tender.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:59 PM on April 8, 2008

The sudden and distinct fall-off in comments here is just way to easy to concieve of as everyone one flopping to their respective portions of the bed and panting and maybe lighting a cigarette or something.

Like, it's a pretty strong visual in my mind. I think I need to take a few showers or something.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:04 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, didn't I used to be able to type? "everyone one"? "to easy"? Christ.

Although I guess that could work as an analogue to either wobbly fine-motor skills or incoherent speech and DAMMIT SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:07 PM on April 8, 2008

cold ones.

im just eating lunch here
posted by mrzarquon at 1:07 PM on April 8, 2008

flopping to their respective portions of the bed and panting and maybe lighting a cigarette or something.

Well, just like in real life it all ends with me sobbing quietly to myself.
posted by shmegegge at 1:10 PM on April 8, 2008

The future sucks.
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:12 PM on April 8, 2008

I HAVE TO PEE
posted by dersins at 1:14 PM on April 8, 2008

*Pumps fist and then high fives everyone in this thread... Hopes no one remembers his earlier comments*
posted by drezdn at 1:18 PM on April 8, 2008

You know, if we can manage another 661 comments in the next 16 hours, this will be the longest thread in Metatalk history.

IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE, PEOPLE.
posted by dersins at 1:19 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm eating lunch.
posted by rtha at 1:20 PM on April 8, 2008

(Highly unlikely, but not impossible).
posted by dersins at 1:21 PM on April 8, 2008

And I have to pee.
posted by rtha at 1:21 PM on April 8, 2008

2687 or bust!
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:23 PM on April 8, 2008

The humans are dead. (The humans are deaaaad.)

Dammit, now I'm sad that I missed any form of interesting comment-marker. Watch me go cry in a corner. With my accounting text.
posted by Phire at 1:23 PM on April 8, 2008

NOT IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!
posted by dersins at 1:25 PM on April 8, 2008

I mean, that's just over 41 comments per hour. If ten of us can each drop four in an hour, we can happily go to bed at 5:30 am knowing all is right in the world.

Or we could just comment like crazy for the next three or four hours.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:25 PM on April 8, 2008

Stick the landing people!

STICK THE LANDING!
posted by drezdn at 1:26 PM on April 8, 2008

My vet offered to circumcise my cats for no extra charge when he declaws them. Should I take him up on his offer?
posted by drezdn at 1:27 PM on April 8, 2008

A comment every 90 seconds, or thereabouts.
posted by matthewr at 1:27 PM on April 8, 2008

"A friend of mine was having dinner at a Vegas casino buffet (he has worked in a few casinos, I don't remember which one this was), and had a funny little exchange with the guy behind him in the buffet line, and it turned out to be the bassist from Kansas. (I think; could have been the rhythm guitarist.) So somehow they end up sitting down to eat their solo buffet dinners together.

My friend was a music composition major in college, only listens to classical music, and has never heard of Kansas or any of their songs. But this guy from Kansas is very gracious and they have a great and wide-ranging conversation about music, and what it's like to be basically a working background musician at his age (he was finishing a gig in Vegas and about to fly to Missouri for more gigs), how he still is basically glad that this is his job, etc."

I have an anecdote that's almost exactly the same, only it's the bassist for Paul Revere and the Raiders, and I met him at a charity dinner for a local theater that I scammed my way in to (they advertised in the magazine I worked for).
posted by klangklangston at 1:27 PM on April 8, 2008

When you think about it, 2100 is a pretty nice number. And it isn't far off.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:27 PM on April 8, 2008

But deposing 9622? The 9622? Seems wrong.
posted by matthewr at 1:29 PM on April 8, 2008

I think a good idea would be to go to various cities and states and countries and listen to music by bands who are named after those cities and states and countries and write down your feelings about it afterwards.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:30 PM on April 8, 2008

Cortex, NO! don't abandon us now!!

(this thread is now showing up in Recent Activities three times. It was rather Deja Vu-y.)

And man do I hate the lack of choices in North American for cell-phone carriers. Especially in Canada. We've got, what, Rogers, Bell, Telus, Virgin, and T-Mobile? With only the first four providing extensive coverage? Bleah. Collusion I tell ya.
posted by Phire at 1:30 PM on April 8, 2008

And man, I need to get a new job or come up with applications for some grad schools or something. I'm getting to hate it here more and more, but there don't seem to be many other good journalism jobs out here that also pay as well. And I hate freelance, man.
posted by klangklangston at 1:30 PM on April 8, 2008

If you wanted to be a bad person you could put on the wrong record, though.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:31 PM on April 8, 2008

I could start telling stories. Should I start telling stories?
posted by dersins at 1:32 PM on April 8, 2008

For example, you could take a Greyhound to Boston and then when you arrived you would go to a music store or perhaps an stereo equipment store and ask if you could please try out your new Boston record but inside the sleeve would actually be an album by Kansas.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:32 PM on April 8, 2008

Lunch was: romaine lettuce torn up; sun-dried tomatoes marinated in olive oil; chicken; bacon (cooked in the office's microwave, because I'm cruel like that); all shmooped together with a little of the olive oil from the tomatoes, some tabasco, and all piled on top of a flatbread.

Messy, but delicious.
posted by rtha at 1:33 PM on April 8, 2008

I think if the world was basically a place where when someone said they were going to play their new Boston record it was actually a Boston record inside the sleeve, then we wouldn't have these difficulties like war or AIDS.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:34 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

And while I ate, I read this thread, which is going astonishingly well, I think. There was a little cleanup from jessamyn, but other than that, people are being good.
posted by rtha at 1:35 PM on April 8, 2008

Where did Napoleon keep his Boston records?
posted by matthewr at 1:35 PM on April 8, 2008

well, if you wait long enough, sufjen stevens will do the music for you. then you can comment on how much he sucks / how illinois is not at all how you imagined it from illinoise.

Hey, can someone hack up a greasemonkey script that will let enter = post comment and go to #comment on this thread. so we can post our rantings at even faster speed here.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:37 PM on April 8, 2008

Would you also listen to groups that contain the city's name like "L.A. Guns" or "New York Dolls" or "The Alberta Mittens?"

or albums that have the same name as the city or state...

Like "London Calling" or the Crucifucks "Wisconsin"?
posted by drezdn at 1:38 PM on April 8, 2008

OK, stories it is:

HALF OF ONE

"Hold still, Dad," Rosie says, and I try to, but it's not easy because frankly I don't like that she's got scissors so close to my ears. They may stick out some, but I'm attached to them and I'd prefer to keep it that way.

Anyway, I stop squirming like a six year old and apologize to her.

"Don't worry about it. Just don't do it again." She's behind me so I can't see her face but I know she's making that half-fake half-real angry scowl her mother always used to make. Probably still does make, but how the hell would I know.

"Why the scissors, anyway? You know the buzzer's good enough for me."

"I need the practice. Finals are next month."

"They have finals at that barber school down there?"

"Dad! It's not barber school!"

"Barber, hairdresser. Six of one."

"It is not, and anyway when I finish I'm going to be a licensed beautician."

"Not a lot of call for licensed beauticians in Loup County." And I'm not lying, either. We got about 700 people in about 600 square miles, and most all of them either cut their own damn hair or go to Melvin's barber shop on the Taylor square. Maybe Ila Rowse and her daughters will drive the forty miles into Broken Bow a couple-three times a year to get their hair done by some beautician, but that's about it.
posted by dersins at 1:39 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Oh, Dad...."

"You're not coming home when you finish, are you?"

Her hands stop moving around and the scissors get quiet. I can hear her take a deep breath like she's about to say something and all of a sudden I'm too tired to stay sitting down if that makes any sense, so I get up and go out the kitchen door.

The sun is up high and bright and I didn't bring my hat out so I'm squinting as I walk across the yard to the shade tree my grandfather planted when he built this house for my grandmother.

I lean against the tree and light a cigarette and look at the home place. It's two thousand acres but I can only see a couple hundred of them because of the way the sandhills swell and roll. I saw a movie at the theater in Broken Bow about a fellow lost at sea on a raft, and damned if the ocean didn't look just like the sandhills. Only with less grass and more water, but you know what I mean.

The grass is just getting green, and it's still long, because I haven't moved the heifers down from the winter pasture just yet. I guess I better do that soon. It's almost calving time. I'll have to see if the Ruska boys can help me again this year.
posted by dersins at 1:39 PM on April 8, 2008

The wind's quiet for once, but over by the barn the windmill's turning a little and I can hear the water sloshing over the edge of the stock tank. The horses are staying over on the other side of the corral because they don't like the sound, but horses are dumb that way. Don't let anybody tell you different. Anything else is just Hollywood Western bull. I mean, they're not as dumb as most people, but what is?

On the other side of the corral is the little mound that used to be the house my grandfather was born in. One room. Dirt floor, sod walls, sod roof. My twin brother Dale and I used to play in it when we were little. But it kept shrinking back down into the ground until finally it was just a pile of dirt and grass. Then one day Dale got off his horse to mend a fence line, got kicked in the head, and ended up in an institution way the hell out in Lincoln. I haven't seen him since the day they took him away nearly thirty years ago.

I hear footsteps behind me. Rosie must be ready to say whatever she has to say.
posted by dersins at 1:40 PM on April 8, 2008

Once when I was but a small lad I said to my mother "mother I am going to listen to some Raffi now" and she said okay son you go on right ahead and I said thank you and then I put on some sesame street instead and she just laughed and laughed but then a few days later the dog died and I have never really forgiven myself for that terrible lie.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:40 PM on April 8, 2008

"Dad. I'm not coming home. I'm staying in Kearney when I finish school. With Mom."

"And that shopkeeper." I know the man's name, but I'll be damned if I'll say it.

"Philip. He's not so bad. Mom's happy."

"I'll take your word for it."

"You could call, talk to her."

"No. I couldn't."

"No I guess you couldn't, could you? You'll just stay out here and never talk to her again."

"Pretty much." I finish my smoke, grind it out under my heel, and turn and look at her. There's tears in her eyes.
posted by dersins at 1:40 PM on April 8, 2008

"Dad, please. Can't you try?"

"Don't see why I should. She left us. There's any trying to be done, she's the one should do it."

"Damn it! It's been ten years! Why do you have to be like this?"

"Don't you cuss me, young lady. I'm your father."

She looks at me a minute like she's disappointed, then turns away and stomps into the house. There's some banging around, and then she stomps back out with her suitcase, gets in her truck, and drives the hell away down the county road to the highway.

I wonder if I'll ever see her again.

That night, when I'm washing up, I catch sight of myself in the mirror. It's a pretty good haircut, I guess.

Well, half of one, anyway.
posted by dersins at 1:40 PM on April 8, 2008

DAMMIT CORTEX!
posted by dersins at 1:41 PM on April 8, 2008

The dog's name was Montana but he had never actually been to Montana but I'm not sure if that counts as a lie or not and I don't think its fair to blame him even if it is because the name wasn't his idea.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:41 PM on April 8, 2008

I like to think that the real name that his mom dog gave to him was something like "woofy dog" or "chasing bunnies is fun dog" and that when we called him "Montana" he understood that that was what we meant.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:43 PM on April 8, 2008

the name he wanted was Wrath-Gore Killer of Squirrels and Roller in Poop. And you denied that from him. He still lingers in your dreams, cursing you for that gay name of Montana. What was he, a football player. Really.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:45 PM on April 8, 2008

Eventually that movie came out with Harrison Ford as an architect who would yell and kiss ladies sometimes and we joked about how he had a name that was like our dog's name except that I don't know if Harrison Ford had been to Indiana ever so I probably shouldn't say it's the same thing really.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Did you all go and get high on your post-coital 2000-glow break or something?
posted by pineapple at 1:48 PM on April 8, 2008

But then the third movie came out and it turned out that that old James Bond guy actually named him after a dog and oh my gosh that was funny but by then Montana had been dead for a really long time and I don't really like thinking about it because he was a good dog and I miss him.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:50 PM on April 8, 2008

the name he wanted was Wrath-Gore Killer of Squirrels and Roller in Poop

My cat's secret name is She Who Sheds on All Pillows and Has a Strong and Mighty Roar, Like That of Her Holy Ancestors, and Must Be Obeyed.

The honorary, of course, is Queen Licker of Plastic Bags.
posted by pineapple at 1:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, I taught my cat Spanish. She answers to "gato" now, and also "gato bueno."
posted by pineapple at 1:51 PM on April 8, 2008

And while everyone called him 'Montana', the dog secretly knew in it's heart that his real name always was, and always would be 'Wyoming'.

He still answered to Montana though. Mainly because he was a dog, and therefore hungry.
posted by quin at 1:51 PM on April 8, 2008

ah, I have a "King Licker of Plastic Bags" also.

Also a "She Who Will Drool On You, and Push the Laptop Off your Lap, and Hide From Strangers yet Never Leave Them Alone Once She Realizes they Wont Eat Her"
posted by mrzarquon at 1:53 PM on April 8, 2008

My cats answer to "hey you" "food" "more food" and "what the hell"

The best is "sound of canopener"
posted by mrzarquon at 1:54 PM on April 8, 2008

ah, I have a "King Licker of Plastic Bags" also.

Yes, the day that the tall hairless ones bring home the dry cleaning is a much-anticipated day in our house. New plastic bags, especially tasty ones. And if she's lucky, one might be cast errantly to the ground and forgotten -- creating the ideal napping space since then she can just roll over and lick new sections of bag between winks.

Cats are so mental.
posted by pineapple at 1:56 PM on April 8, 2008

I've eaten like 15 chocolate coffee candies.

Nips, I presume? Since Nips are the superior coffee candy and all others are pale imitations.
posted by pineapple at 1:57 PM on April 8, 2008

A fun fact that is true about the band Boston is that Brad Delp's name backwards is "Dlep Darb" which is pretty hard to say.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:57 PM on April 8, 2008

WAIT IT IS PLED NOT DLEP I TAKE IT BACK
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:58 PM on April 8, 2008

No it's not, it's Pled Darb.
posted by matthewr at 1:59 PM on April 8, 2008

I'M SORRY MONTANA
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:59 PM on April 8, 2008

lol
posted by matthewr at 2:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Midnight (King Licker of Bags) was a special cat, had a fever of 106 as a kitten apparently, so he's a bit daft. He loves sleeping in plastic bags. I can't line the litter box because he will intentional claw through the plastic liners. And he will sit on any bag. His favorite 3am practice (besides crying infront of the door of my apartment, which is next to my bed) is to paw at a paper grocery bag on the floor for 20 minutes before finding it adequate to crush into a bed.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Yeah, that's neither "fun" nor "fact" nor "true."
posted by pineapple at 2:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Yeah, we've got a licker-of-plastic-bags, and also a pee-on-er-of-plastic-bags (but he's 19 and deaf and senile and wobbly), and also a terrified-of-the-rustling-noise-made-by-plastic-bags.
posted by rtha at 2:01 PM on April 8, 2008

(I meant about "Pled Darb," not your awesome cat, mrzarquon. Nope, I was telling Kotex what a big liar he is.)
posted by pineapple at 2:01 PM on April 8, 2008

My favorite has been chocolate covered espresso beans. Those kept me rolling through college. Also the candies came in bags of 10, small little bags. Which all the dealers on campus kept asking us (who worked at the cafe, and bagged the beans ourselves) to snag a few for. It was a beneficial arrangement.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:02 PM on April 8, 2008

I think I'm basically going to go back through this thread and use the comments to ressurrect Bunt Cake.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:02 PM on April 8, 2008

OH SHIT CAT PEOPLE
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:03 PM on April 8, 2008

Hm. Is plastic-bag-licking an all-cats thing, and not just my own freaky cat? I feel slightly better.

BUT NOT ABOUT WHAT A LIAR CORTEX IS. DONT FEEL BETTER ABOUT THAT, NOSSIR.
posted by pineapple at 2:03 PM on April 8, 2008

pineapple: of course. however Kotex may be a liar, he is also a vampire of sorts, and will try to sap various precious bodily liquids.

Which we must protect, against the flourination of our vital essences.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:03 PM on April 8, 2008

MetaFilter: No time for excretion.

I'm proud of us all.
posted by languagehat at 2:04 PM on April 8, 2008

The thing about it is that people make jokes about declawing cats and I laugh along with them but it's a hollow kind of fake laughter because I actually do it because it's the only way I can achieve sexual climax.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:05 PM on April 8, 2008

TMI
posted by languagehat at 2:06 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm proud of everyone but Kotex.
posted by languagehat at 2:07 PM on April 8, 2008

I meant to write "contextual semantics" at the end of that last sentence but I'm having a little trouble concentrating on account of the dehydration and that I've lost feeling in my legs.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:07 PM on April 8, 2008

I am getting phantom keys on my keyboard now. i will finish a sentence and a long continuation of whatever the last key was, will continue repeating............................. (for example).
posted by mrzarquon at 2:07 PM on April 8, 2008

Yay! The thing I've wanted for seven years will happen!
posted by dw at 2:07 PM on April 8, 2008

Note to self: never allow cortex unsupervised time with my cats.

cortex: you've lost feeling in your legs? Are you sure they're still there, and you haven't been delegged?
posted by rtha at 2:09 PM on April 8, 2008

And BP closed up for the seventh straight session! (Disclaimer: I own BP stock because I believe in owning eevl companies for personal gain.)
posted by dw at 2:10 PM on April 8, 2008

Somewhere in Arkansas, at 120 miles an hour, Ty thought to himself Arkansas's a hell of a place to have to put up with just to get to California. He wasn't naturally inclined toward geographic bigotry, but days of driving with little direction besides west had soured him.

He turned on the radio.

"...-elcome to A Prarie Home Companion. I'm Garrison Keillor."

Ty wondered if he could brake hard enough to let inertia carry the radio through the engine and hood of the car. Maybe if he punched the radio as he braked, that would give it the force it needed to penetrate 3 feet of die cast steel.
posted by shmegegge at 2:12 PM on April 8, 2008

Another idea that I think would be good is if you were to make a blog about when you go to the bathroom and you used Twitter to post about it form your iphone or something similar to an iphone in functionality so that people could trust that you were being pretty honest about the times when you were making.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:12 PM on April 8, 2008

brownpau is watching your stock portfolio appreciate
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:15 PM on April 8, 2008

I'd like to make an announcement:

As of right now, 39 different people have chosen to remove this thread from their Recent Activity page.

Now, that's a record. In fact, that's a record by a two-digit margin.

I think, whatever else happens, we can all be pretty proud of what we've accomplished here.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:17 PM on April 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

39 different people have chosen to remove this thread from their Recent Activity page

Weaklings. Even as this thread replicates itself in Recent Activity, taking over more and more of the page, some of us grow only stronger from the struggle. We shall not only survive, we shall prevail!
posted by languagehat at 2:24 PM on April 8, 2008

Man, we blow by landmarks now without even noticing. THERE'S NO BRAKES ON THIS BABY! WOOOO!
posted by languagehat at 2:25 PM on April 8, 2008

If you remove something from your recent activity, does commenting anew restore it?
posted by dersins at 2:26 PM on April 8, 2008

/me has never removed something from his recent activity.

(I don't think.)
posted by dersins at 2:27 PM on April 8, 2008

Brakes? Who needs braaaaaaaawheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
posted by rtha at 2:27 PM on April 8, 2008

Nope. Tread with caution.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:28 PM on April 8, 2008

I removed that (now-closed) MeTa call-out of Hildegard from earlier today or last night or whenever. Really weird call-out.

Also, I got new shoes today. I ordered from zappos for the first time - ordered shoes online for the first time!- they're groovy. Everyone around here thinks so. It must be true.
posted by rtha at 2:30 PM on April 8, 2008

Breakneck, full-speed-ahead caution.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:30 PM on April 8, 2008

anybody got some good contextual semantics torrents
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:32 PM on April 8, 2008

The one time my wife ordered from Zappos it was a nightmare. Shoes didn't arrive, so they sent a new pair. They arrived the same day as the original pair. She didn't like them, but now they said she couldn't replace them because she'd burned her free shipping by the shoes not arriving. But it's not her fault FedEx was incompetent.

We sent them both back and vowed never to order from them again. Zappos are an insult to the Zeppos of the world.
posted by dw at 2:34 PM on April 8, 2008

willing to trade primo dead boots
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:35 PM on April 8, 2008

Passenger: *looks out window* Well, there goes the tires.

Driver: *concentrating* Yep.

*Post-apocalyptic desert in background flashes by... several moments pass*

Driver: And now we're on fire.

Passenger: *sighs* Yep.
posted by quin at 2:37 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I've made 29 comments in the last hour and a half. How about you? Huh? Are you pulling your weight, or are you lending a hand—to Hitler?
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:38 PM on April 8, 2008

Also I should have totally said "THREAD with caution" up there becuase that would have been a pun.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:39 PM on April 8, 2008

It's true, I've been slacking. But for a while there, I was cooking and eating bacon, and that should cut me some slack, yeah?
posted by rtha at 2:40 PM on April 8, 2008

So, what ever happened to the OP of this thread?

She just never came back, apparently. No sign of her since the night of the tenth. I had a short exchange with her via mefimail but it was pretty inconclusive.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:41 PM on April 8, 2008

And I shouldn't've used slacking and slack in the same sentence like that. It looks weird and sounds worse.
posted by rtha at 2:41 PM on April 8, 2008

Also speaking of words that are related to the root form "conclude", I think it was the Talking Points Memo coverage of the Alberto Gonzalez mess that taught me

1. The word "conclusory", and
2. That you can really piss someone off by describing their statements as such.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Which also reminds me of this (KLAXON KLAXON LOOK OUT SELF-LINK APPROACHING REPEAT SELF-LINK APPROACHING PLEASE CONTACT AUTHORITIES FORTHWITH AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS) blog entry I made recently about the typo 'confude', which is pretty hot stuff because it turns out to be two different typos in English and Spanish (I think) respectively.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:45 PM on April 8, 2008

I better go get some fucking coffee I am FLAGGING and I don't mean that I'm feeling fantastic.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:46 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm lending a hand to Hitler.
posted by shmegegge at 2:51 PM on April 8, 2008

I didn't remove it from RA.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:52 PM on April 8, 2008

New boy in the neighborhood
Lives downstairs and it is understood.
He’s there just to take good care of me,
Like he’s one of the family.
posted by shmegegge at 2:53 PM on April 8, 2008

I am FLAGGING and I don't mean that I'm feeling fantastic.

Yeah, you look like an HTML / display error.
posted by dersins at 2:56 PM on April 8, 2008

CAUTION: VERY HOT

[ ] Decaf
[ ] Milk
[ ] Shots
[ ] Custom
[ ] Syrup
[ ] Drink
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:56 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh christ it's The Dutchman
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:57 PM on April 8, 2008

Decaf Milk Shots Custom Syrup Drink would be a great cocktail name.
posted by matthewr at 2:58 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm having a hard time not responding to threads other than this in the same style as I respond to this one. There's an amusing thread about Beamz that I've almost dropped like for Montana-worthy bits of nonsense into already.

I figure commenting here about how I'm not commenting there is the best recovery I could hope for.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:59 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex: a pony request: never write another phrase in Spanish. Thank you.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:02 PM on April 8, 2008

I really prefer this reading:

This insulating sleeve is made from 60% post-consumer recycled fiber and uses approximately 45% less material than a second paper cup.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Very Hot Cumshots T.O.S is an anagram of Very Hot Custom Shots.

My brain has an automatic anagramator that is only triggered by this exact word combination.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:04 PM on April 8, 2008

Es noy problerma, senora Curarito.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:04 PM on April 8, 2008

woe to the contextual semantics enthusiastics who doesn't read that T.O.S. first amirite
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:06 PM on April 8, 2008

Spurious Wikipedia 'fact' of the day: The great Victorian critic John Ruskin lost his first finger during a particularly disruptive game of 'pull my finger'.
posted by matthewr at 3:07 PM on April 8, 2008

I have a custom built keyboard, metallic keys, red hot heating element underneath, in order to acclimate my hands to the lack of pansy sleeves or second cups.

I am lying.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:07 PM on April 8, 2008

an i was all like whatever dude i subverted your mother's essentialist ontological model all night long naw whum sayin
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:08 PM on April 8, 2008

woe to the contextual semantics enthusiastics who doesn't read

Also to the ones who doesn't write, amirite?
posted by dersins at 3:08 PM on April 8, 2008

matthewr, what's sad is how that seemed to be sort of a threshold crossing for Ruskin; after that he lost his second and third fingers within a week and had cleared both hands out completely inside of a month and a half.

When speaking with his doctor about it, he was heard to ask, "can I play the piano anymore?"
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:11 PM on April 8, 2008

wrongs rofl.
posted by matthewr at 3:12 PM on April 8, 2008

I like to think that when the president is sitting in his office and we're on the brink of global thermonuclear war and the red phone starts ringing, he'd pick it up and say "Taco Bell, can I take your order" and then the Chinese president guy on the other end of the phone would just start laughing and they would cancel the thermonuclear war and go get some Mexican food instead and help each other remember why they wanted to get into presidenting in the first place.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:15 PM on April 8, 2008

I love you all. In catching up on the peri-2K period I have literally been laughing out loud. Maybe scurvy? But in any case I'm proud to be frozen to the oars of this hoarfrost covered longboat with you all.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:16 PM on April 8, 2008

Basically what I've learned from this thread is that I have read a lot of both Jack Handey and Achewood.

I think everybody should take a turn explaining basically what they've learned from this thread in one sentence.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:16 PM on April 8, 2008

Señor Corteza:

Gracias por responder a my solicitud. Desgraciadamente, usted persevera en su intento de escribir en español. Prepárese a recibir una visita inesperada por parte del brazo inquisitorial de la Real Academia Española.

Quedo de usted,
Dr. Curare

P.D. Nadie se espera a la Inquisición Española.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:17 PM on April 8, 2008

Not the same sentence, though, everybody should have a different sentence of their own.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:17 PM on April 8, 2008

I think we broke the cortex bot. Now the party really starts after 2k doesn't it. Its like that giddy runners high / wobbly legs thing you get when you've just finished the marathon. You get all fun and punchy.

*punches*
posted by mrzarquon at 3:19 PM on April 8, 2008

This thread learned me to write good.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:19 PM on April 8, 2008

Mm, wouldn't it be odd if cortex were some kind of inverse Boten Anna after all this time.
posted by matthewr at 3:21 PM on April 8, 2008

I think it would be even.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:22 PM on April 8, 2008

true confessions:
In high school I was on model UN team with this very nice funny guy who was unsure of himself. He made some objection during a mock debate by saying that someone's point was "nugatory". We had previously used the word "dilatory" for a similar kind of criticism and I didn't know "nugatory". So I took him aside and made fun of him for using that made-up word "nugatory", and he was crestfallen.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:23 PM on April 8, 2008

I would like to translate Dr. Curare's not for the benefit of those whose familiarity with Spanish is less commanding than my own:

Old Cortex:

Thanks for the poor transponder at my solitaire. Desi Arnez dammit, used perversion and sued Nintendo the scribbling in Spain. Prepare a rebate for Vista in desparation for a bra party inequity at LA's Real Macadamia Epinoza.

Al Qaeda's busted,
Dr. Curing.

P.S. Nadia saw us pairing at the Questionare Spaniel.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:23 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

From this thread I have learned that it's good to share Tootsie Pops with LobsterMitten because then I get all the chocolate ones for myself.
posted by rtha at 3:24 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Who's going to win the NCAA women's basketball chapionship tonight?

GO STANFORD!
posted by rtha at 3:24 PM on April 8, 2008

Championship, that is.
posted by rtha at 3:26 PM on April 8, 2008

You subliminal sexist!
posted by matthewr at 3:27 PM on April 8, 2008

That was spurred by cortex's reference to the word "conclusory", which I think is a criticism in legalese because it means "you're trying to state a conclusion as fact that you're not entitled to yet; you're only allowed to give me arguments at this stage, and I will decide whether you've established your conclusion."
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:27 PM on April 8, 2008

Or subconscious, whatever.
posted by matthewr at 3:27 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey, so if 39 people have deleted this thread from their RA, how many people are still seeing it in RA?
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:28 PM on April 8, 2008

lobstermitten- i managed to wing myself through a debate as a southern senator defending the secession from the US, to the point where they asked the girl who was interviewing me for the mock debate / trial thing to stop. The south won that day. Which was sad, because we were all a bunch of new englanders at greenwich highschool. I put on my best colonel sanders voice and even brought a cane to school that day.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:28 PM on April 8, 2008

In high school I was on model UN team

I think it would be fun if you pretended that the Kraftwerk song was actually about a model UN team, which isn't too hard if your familiarity with German isn't as commanding as mine is because you can listen to the German version and just pretend to know what the words are about and think to yourself like as thus and such:

"She's on the model UN
And she's arguing good
I want to debate with her
it's understood"
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:28 PM on April 8, 2008

Nugatory is smack-dab between 7-minutes-in-heaven and Swirlie-hell.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:29 PM on April 8, 2008

Data weenies, hope me!
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:29 PM on April 8, 2008

AV: nugatory, the sugary celestial waiting room?
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:31 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh man, have people been reading fourfour at all (home of winston). This post caught my eye. The most interesting use of gif animations so far today.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:32 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey, so if 39 people have deleted this thread from their RA, how many people are still seeing it in RA?

Well, I figure you'd have to count up the distinct usernames in this thread and subtract 39, first of all, to find the total number of possible candidates. Of course, we don't know who removed it from activity, but it's safe to say that it was folks who use the feature, so we'd probably want to do this:

1. Eliminate from candidacy those folks still merrily longboating.
2. Rank the remaining users by (recent) volume of activity on the site.
3. Remove the 39 best candidates for likely RA use, based in part on how long its been since they commented in the thread.
4. Try and decide how likely each of the remaining users is to be someone who uses RA.

And that'd be a good way to get a guess.

I could cheat and look up who has removed themselves, but that's no fun so forget it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:33 PM on April 8, 2008

As I wait for this thread to load...

when they designed the Mars rover, they built it with a little robotic AI that allows it to avoid obstacles on its own without commands from earth, because the lag for it to transmit an image home and receive instructions back is so long that, without the AI, it would just roll into a rock or off an edge willy nilly.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:34 PM on April 8, 2008

What I Learned From The Famous Sans Quoi Thread of 2008, by Pineapple



What I learned from the famous sans quoi thread of 2008 was how if I believe in myself, I can really accomplishe something positive, and it can make a difference in this world because I meant something to that one starfish, and also I learned that if you scroll a long MeTa really fast, it can make the pretty lady appear, and also a piano, and that the People of the Long Boat are good and fine and true.  The end.

posted by pineapple at 3:35 PM on April 8, 2008

My wife is probably going to play some World of Warcraft this evening and I should really spend that time working on a creative project or something but I think we all know what I'm going to be doing in reality.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:35 PM on April 8, 2008

There have, I believe, been 241 commenters in the thread, so 202 people still see this in RA.
posted by matthewr at 3:36 PM on April 8, 2008

Regarding Recent Activity -- I actually dumped a bunch of other threads from RA, in order to make RA load faster, in order to keep up with this one.
posted by pineapple at 3:37 PM on April 8, 2008

how many people

I was thinking maybe the admin side shows you how many users are in a thread. Or that someone with some skills might have an easy way to figure it out without just scrolling down and counting. Which I would TOTALLY do except today's the day my grading avoidance has gone from code-red to code-black-and-flashing.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:37 PM on April 8, 2008

matthewr: a fine suckling pig roast for you! Or whatever kind of roast you like!
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:39 PM on April 8, 2008

Could something ever be "code-black-and-flashing"? Surely we'd describe it as code-{whatever the alternate colour was}-and-flashing". Contextual semantics, eh.
posted by matthewr at 3:41 PM on April 8, 2008

but I think we all know what I'm going to be doing in reality.
yesss.

dumped a bunch of other threads
yessssssss.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:41 PM on April 8, 2008

LobsterMitten- throw all the papers that need grading down a flight of stairs, group the largest pile as C, distribute grades from there accordingly to get a bell curve.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:41 PM on April 8, 2008

It's flashing between different intensities of black. It's very existentially disturbing.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:42 PM on April 8, 2008

mrz, your ideas interest me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Regarding Recent Activity -- I actually dumped a bunch of other threads from RA, in order to make RA load faster, in order to keep up with this one.

Holy crap, pineapple. You get a medal.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:44 PM on April 8, 2008

I actually had an anthro professor who offered that if 20% of the class agreed to take C's and D's, he'd give everyone else a spread between B to A, and you didn't have to show up or take tests for the semester, as long as you didn't tell anyone. And if you wanted to hang out in class and talk about the material, which was really interesting (for the nerds) that would be cool.

He was a great professor.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:44 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

other tales from uni: one professor selected her final exam essay question by spreading the various questions (all of which she gave to students before hand) on the floor, and picking whichever one her cat sat on.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:46 PM on April 8, 2008

NONE MORE BLACK
OKAY WAIT MORE BLACK
SHIT NONE MORE BLACK AGAIN
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:46 PM on April 8, 2008

Kotex: here's a prod to keep the infodump updated. A dump after this thread has closed would be great.
posted by matthewr at 3:47 PM on April 8, 2008

4: number of time zones from which I have posted to this thread
2: number of songs I have bastardized
3: number of times I've seen the Grace Kelly illusion
98: comments I have made
posted by pineapple at 3:49 PM on April 8, 2008

True. This thread is kind of an infodump all on its own.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Sorry, I had to take time out to explain the history of the phrase "soul murder" (Seelenmord) over in another thread. And now I'm going to have to take a shower and eat dinner. But I'll be with you in spirit.
posted by languagehat at 3:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Holy crap, pineapple. You get a medal.

Sweet. If it could appear after my username like one of those gold stars that people used to get a long time ago when we was fab, that would be nifty. I've always envied those mightily.

But, only if the medal can also not appear in this thread. Because I don't want to add a single thing that makes this behemoth take one additional second to load.
posted by pineapple at 3:53 PM on April 8, 2008

filler comment
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:53 PM on April 8, 2008

Will you guys keep it down in here? Jeez.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Am I the only one who hears/sees the word "behemoth" and thinks of Big Daddy Don Boheme and his monster truck, the Bohemoth?

I basically pronounced the word "bohemoth" all through college, just because of the Monster Truck Extravaganza. That was also when I appropriated the word extravaganza and attached it to anything that would stick.
posted by pineapple at 3:56 PM on April 8, 2008

throw all the papers that need grading down a flight of stairs, group the largest pile as C, distribute grades from there accordingly to get a bell curve.

During my brief and inglorious career as a college teacher, I once lost the midterms I'd been putting off grading. Lost the whole bundle. I have no idea how I managed to do that, except that the subconscious works in mysterious ways. After sweating, cursing myself, and praying to a God I hadn't believed in for years, I went down the class list, assigning grades based on the work they'd been doing plus a certain degree of randomness. (I wasn't allowed to fail anyone, so that wasn't an issue.) When the time came to issue the grades, I braced myself and did so.

Nobody questioned them. Nobody cared.

A little bit of my soul died that week.

Thank you all for listening. You've been wonderful.
posted by languagehat at 3:56 PM on April 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

along with "i was a backtagging superstar" people get in their profile, can we get a "I was a longboating asshat" to people who've posted 100 or more comments to this thread?
posted by mrzarquon at 3:56 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

2200!
posted by matthewr at 3:57 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm going to assume that somebody's going to sneak in with #2199 and THIS WILL BE COMMENT 2200. WOOOOOOOOOOO!!
posted by languagehat at 3:57 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

This thread is kind of an infodump all on its own.

Cortex is taking an infodump right now.
posted by dersins at 3:57 PM on April 8, 2008

iykwim.
posted by dersins at 3:57 PM on April 8, 2008

(aityd).
posted by dersins at 3:57 PM on April 8, 2008

Ah, fuck it.
posted by languagehat at 3:58 PM on April 8, 2008

To be clear, that was actually a prophetic vision, not a response to you RA hackery. 27 years from now, after losing your left leg below the knee in an exchange of fire with the Martian xenosoldiers on Colony Hill, you'll receive a medal of courage as the sole surviving member of your platoon.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:59 PM on April 8, 2008

Are you listening, God? It's me, shmegegge.

For once, Lord, please just let me get a milestone comment.

I have your son. Don't make me hurt him.
posted by shmegegge at 3:59 PM on April 8, 2008

I should have listened to my own advice about blowing by landmarks without even noticing.

Drive on!
posted by languagehat at 4:00 PM on April 8, 2008

along with "i was a backtagging superstar" people get in their profile

You know how, right under "I was a backtagging superstar" it tells you how many posts people tagged?

Well, check out my numbers!
posted by dersins at 4:00 PM on April 8, 2008

And I'm consoled by the thought that I will soon be dining on spaghetti and meatballs. Mmm good.
posted by languagehat at 4:00 PM on April 8, 2008

It will be less traumatic than you would think, though, as you will by then have already lost your left leg above the knee in an industrial accident while working for the Lockheed-Burgerking corporation.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:02 PM on April 8, 2008

I've been wanting to say that for a month; every time I refresh this thread I have to look at it while waiting for the rest of the page to load. Damn, that felt good.
posted by languagehat at 4:03 PM on April 8, 2008

I will soon be dining on spaghetti and meatballs

Pork tenderloin medallions, roasted potatoes and a green salad for me tonight. I look forward to it.
posted by dersins at 4:03 PM on April 8, 2008

A satisfying infodump, you might call it.
posted by languagehat at 4:03 PM on April 8, 2008

On the one hand, after the lip smacking, thirst quenching, ace tasting, motivating, good buzzing, cooltalking, high walking, fast living, ever giving, cool fizz of nabbing comment number 2000, 2200 seems a little flat. One the other hand, it's not every day one denies languagehat a round number in a longboat thread (cf his bravura performance with "Last comment!" as his 100th comment and the very last of the thread in the previous 'boat).
posted by matthewr at 4:04 PM on April 8, 2008

I was really sad when they added the number underneath the backtagging superstar designation. Because I looked really good until then. How did you avoid that dersins?

This is the thread, by the way, wherein I reappeared after a few months away with an idle comment about un owen that launched an extremely satisfying shitstorm. Just wanted to note that for posterity.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:07 PM on April 8, 2008

May I just slip in a small word of encouragement to people to use links rather than pasting entire multipage articles (or entire song lyrics with every last repetition transcribed, etc) into threads?

But what about original lyrics or multipage articles? That's OK, right? I mean, what if I were to rewrite the Treaty of Westphalia as the Treaty of Sans-Quoi, between u.n. owen and InnocentBystander and their respective Allies?

Then it would be OK to paste in the entire text, right?
posted by dersins at 4:08 PM on April 8, 2008

lost your left leg above the knee

Hee! I'm going to have to work that into conversation this week somehow.
posted by matthewr at 4:08 PM on April 8, 2008

so much depends
upon

a numbered
comment

graced with good
fortune

beside the un-
lucky.
posted by shmegegge at 4:08 PM on April 8, 2008

I was really sad when they added the number underneath the backtagging superstar designation. Because I looked really good until then. How did you avoid that dersins?

By not actually, y'know, tagging any threads.
posted by dersins at 4:09 PM on April 8, 2008

By not actually, y'know, tagging any threads.

IMPOSTER. J'ACCUSE!
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:10 PM on April 8, 2008

The real question is, what's the next milestone? 2300, 2400 etc all seem a bit tame and unimportant at the rate we're going. 2718 for mathematical significance, perhaps?
posted by matthewr at 4:13 PM on April 8, 2008

IMPOSTER. J'ACCUSE!

In my defense, I signed up because I wanted to help, then promptly forgot about the project. I don't actually think I'm a backtagging superstar. A superstar, hell yes. A backtagging one, not so much.
posted by dersins at 4:15 PM on April 8, 2008

Humph. A superstar imposter. At least I actually waded through a few two-comments-on-a-broken-newsfilter-link posts from 2000 before slinking off.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:18 PM on April 8, 2008

So in case people are having trouble reloading and keeping track, without the handy greasemonkey script which throws up on them. do what I do. Click on the time of the last post, and then click the url field and hit enter, it will reload the page with that last post at the top of your field.

Tricks you only need for longboating.

I will be compiling these for my newsletter / website, which will compete with lifehacker, but in a more bitter and angry way, called angrydome.org
posted by mrzarquon at 4:18 PM on April 8, 2008

By the way, not to start any shit, but anyone who pronounces MeFi as anything other than "mee-fie" is a dastardly cur.
posted by dersins at 4:19 PM on April 8, 2008

I mean, I'm just sayin'.
posted by dersins at 4:20 PM on April 8, 2008

Hmm, how come there are so few Google results for "Lip-smackin', thirst-quenchin', ace-tastin', motivatin', good-buzzin', cool-talkin', high-walkin', fast-livin', ever-givin', cool-fizzin' Pepsi"? Was the (immense) slogan only used in the UK?
posted by matthewr at 4:20 PM on April 8, 2008

Because google doesn't speak halfwit.
posted by dersins at 4:21 PM on April 8, 2008

Was that mean? I intended it as an indictment of their marketing team, not of you.
posted by dersins at 4:22 PM on April 8, 2008

UNLESS YOU ARE PART OF THEIR MARKETING TEAM PERFORMING DEEP DEEP DEEP GUERILLA MARKETING DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF AN EPIC METATALK THREAD.
posted by dersins at 4:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Um, are you?
posted by dersins at 4:23 PM on April 8, 2008

o shi
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:24 PM on April 8, 2008

I'd like to point out that while I had no idea what would have transpired between when I last loaded the page and when I caught up and posted that comment, I was pretty sure it would apply somehow.

I was right, which, you know, you can kind of set your watch by so that's not saying much.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:26 PM on April 8, 2008

I thought about backtagging; why am I not a superstar?
posted by languagehat at 4:27 PM on April 8, 2008

And now, to redo my taxes so I can make sure to pay the gov't that extra few dozen insulting dollars on top of the injurious sum I already owe them.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:27 PM on April 8, 2008

OK, gotta go eat dinner now. I'm already feeling anticipatory nostalgia for this thread.
posted by languagehat at 4:28 PM on April 8, 2008

@dersins:

I prefer "meh-fie", though I do say "ask-mee". Go figure. Blame the Ohio accent. Though the "meh" vs. "mee" makes "meh-tah" work much better, IMHO.

I AM JACK'S INCONSISTENT PRONUNCIATION.
posted by dblslash at 4:28 PM on April 8, 2008

Next project: cracktagging. Smoke some rock and attach "quonsar" to every single post.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:29 PM on April 8, 2008

He's an SEO, BAN HIM! (to the tune of "she's a witch, burn her")

he made me selflink!
posted by mrzarquon at 4:29 PM on April 8, 2008

dblslash!
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:30 PM on April 8, 2008

@dersins:

"Then it would be OK to paste in the entire text, right?"

Not only OK, but even encouraged.
posted by dblslash at 4:30 PM on April 8, 2008

NO BUT I DID PERFORM DEEP DEEP DEEP GUERILLA MARKETING DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF YOUR MOTHER. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. AND I THINK YOU DO.
posted by matthewr at 4:32 PM on April 8, 2008

@@dersins:

I don't really understand how this works.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:34 PM on April 8, 2008

I think that would have had more of a ring to it had I removed "[in] the bowels of". As is, it just sounds like an enema.
posted by matthewr at 4:36 PM on April 8, 2008

GOOGLE RON PEPSI

DRINK PAUL BLUE
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:36 PM on April 8, 2008

removing the bowels of your mother sounds disturbing.
posted by dblslash at 4:39 PM on April 8, 2008

My new year's resolution:

If it's been a few minutes since I looked at the thread and I want to refresh it to see what's new, I have to post a comment and hit Post instead of just stabbing at F5.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:39 PM on April 8, 2008

MY MOTHER IS A MINISTER. SHE IS A SERVANT OF THE LORD OUR GOD. YOU WILL BURN IN A LAKE OF FIRE FOR ALL ETERNITY FOR BESMIRCHING HER THUS.

HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT!
posted by dersins at 4:40 PM on April 8, 2008

To take this meta a bit, does it bother anyone else on a philosophical level that we're collectively artificially inflating the comment count on this thread? Doesn't it seem, I don't know, purer, on some level, to reach a high comment count solely through rigorous discourse and actual communication among the community? Isn't this all just exhibitionist comment masturbation? Online forum as performance art?
posted by dblslash at 4:41 PM on April 8, 2008

Fun fact about my taxes: I made almost exactly as much in interest off my savings last year as I paid in interest on my outstanding student loans. Which really takes the sparkle off the silver lining that is student loan interest deductions, dammit.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:42 PM on April 8, 2008

Also: poop.
posted by dblslash at 4:42 PM on April 8, 2008

You have to work it.

Booyah.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:43 PM on April 8, 2008

A lake of fire? How manly!
posted by matthewr at 4:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Fun fact about my student loans: they are outstanding.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:43 PM on April 8, 2008

@cortex:

Much better to just pay off the damn things. The borrower is slave to the lender. What is that thing? a pet? You've had it longer than most cats live.
posted by dblslash at 4:46 PM on April 8, 2008

a high comment count solely through rigorous discourse

Threads that reach high comment counts through purely argumentation-motivated on-topic comments are generally the worst threads ever. Seriously. I'd bet the Epic Haggard thread is the longest pure one, and oh god. The recent Obama thing cleared 1000, too, and wowie wow wow. ChamPAGnuh.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:46 PM on April 8, 2008

That's the Missy Elliot video where she cries bees! Hardcore.
posted by matthewr at 4:47 PM on April 8, 2008

@mrzarquon:

Is that the playground from the Terminator movies?
posted by dblslash at 4:48 PM on April 8, 2008

dbl, i only have to feed it once a month tho lol

Also, at first I thought you were doing the @ thing ironically based on your awareness that it's a mefi no-no, but now I'm not so sure and I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable and sad and I miss my poor dog Montana so much

SO MUCH
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:48 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

dblslash, you're not alone in the quest for internet integrity. Personally, whenever I'm rickrolled I feel an overwhelming moral duty to watch the whole bloody thing to the end as some kind of Calvinist self-flagellation for being stupid enough to click the link in the first place. I'm serious.
posted by matthewr at 4:50 PM on April 8, 2008

ChamPAGnuh? That isn't parsing.
posted by dblslash at 4:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Sometimes we would play the get the stick game where I would throw at the stick and it would go and he would go to where the stick was and he would bring it back at me and we would do it again but then he was tired because he had dog mono.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Dog mono? More like dog DOO-o, amirite?
posted by dersins at 4:51 PM on April 8, 2008

OK, stupid question: why are these threads called longboat threads?
posted by matthewr at 4:52 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm not one for hiphop, but wow, can the dancers in that video *move*. It's better with the sound off.

</fogey>
posted by dblslash at 4:52 PM on April 8, 2008

the Lockheed-Burgerking corporation

I read this as the Longstocking-Buggery corporation.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:55 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm walkin' / CHRIS-ta-fah Walken / in a wintah wondah / laaaaaaaaand
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:56 PM on April 8, 2008

why are these threads called longboat threads?

*cues yhbc*

(I shouldn't be linking to that thread, since it is to my everlasting shame that I ever posted it....)

also

*cues Baby_Balrog*
posted by dersins at 4:56 PM on April 8, 2008

matthewr: because a team of people rows them from place to place.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:57 PM on April 8, 2008

wow. my total bad. I had no idea the @ thing was a mefi nono. I use it pretty non-ironically day to day. You may call me a twitter fanboi, if you like, and make suggestive references concerning my mother.
posted by dblslash at 4:57 PM on April 8, 2008

Man people we got like five hundred comments to go this shit needs some juice.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:58 PM on April 8, 2008

Canadians say longboooot, eh?
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:58 PM on April 8, 2008

TWITTER FANBOI

SLUTTY MOMBOI
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:59 PM on April 8, 2008

Is that pronounced "fahnbwah"?
posted by dersins at 5:00 PM on April 8, 2008

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:00 PM on April 8, 2008

vodka is the stupidest kind of alcohol!
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:01 PM on April 8, 2008

LESS THINK-Y
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:01 PM on April 8, 2008

oh. Champagne. As in it was a thread worth celebrating. I'll be over here throwing a stick to Montana.
posted by dblslash at 5:01 PM on April 8, 2008

MORE LINEBREAK-Y
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Handy tip for posting comments into a thread that is long:
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:03 PM on April 8, 2008

If you have several copies of the thread open in multiple browser tabs, you can start typing and posting the next comment in the next tab while the one you just hit post in is still reloading.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:03 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I find that three tabs is a good number for the rate at which I comment.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:04 PM on April 8, 2008

If the page would refresh quicker, I'd post more comments.

STOOPID COLDFYOOZHUN AMIRITE
posted by dblslash at 5:04 PM on April 8, 2008

Note that this may crash your browser if you have a sad computer.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:04 PM on April 8, 2008

So, within the last week, new neighbors just moved into the soulless townhouse next to our soulless townhouse.

Each house has 2 parking spaces out front. The new neighbors have 4 kids, and they have 2 parent cars and at least one of their kids (teenage girl) has a car. We only have one car. So the daughter has just started parking in our spare space without asking us.

People can also park elsewhere on the block in perfectly safe spots, just a little farther away.

The question is, is it worth it to make an issue of this with the new neighbors or not? Sigh. I just can't decide. It rankles because I'm a territorial bastard, but at the same time it's not like we'd be using the spot.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:07 PM on April 8, 2008

Also please do not mock coldfusion as it turns out that Macromedia is a very litigious firm and ever since they bought a majority stake in the site they have been pretty much on our asses about not fucking with the brand so you know ix-nay on the ayrun-jay.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:07 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

MORE LINEBREAK-Y

line breaks
posted by dersins at 5:08 PM on April 8, 2008

are for
posted by dersins at 5:08 PM on April 8, 2008

losers.
posted by dersins at 5:08 PM on April 8, 2008

Fucking corporate HR all "be the brand!" and "we pay your salary!" and "please don't disclose this agreement to the users or we'll ship you to Plastic.com in a plastic.com box" and whatever the fuck man
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:08 PM on April 8, 2008

Good thing I'm a loser.
posted by dersins at 5:08 PM on April 8, 2008

Pfft, if you're going to try and scare us with that 'majority stake' talk, at least choose a company that still exists...
posted by matthewr at 5:09 PM on April 8, 2008

I mean its like shit man I ain't afraid of no ~~macromedia~~ ghosts
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:12 PM on April 8, 2008

I'LL PUT A MAJORITY STAKE
posted by dersins at 5:12 PM on April 8, 2008

IN YOUR HEART
posted by dersins at 5:12 PM on April 8, 2008

YOU FUCKING VAMPIRE.
posted by dersins at 5:12 PM on April 8, 2008

[NOT VAMPIRE-IST]
posted by dersins at 5:12 PM on April 8, 2008

23
posted by klangklangston at 5:13 PM on April 8, 2008

also please hold off with the negative comments about vampires because Dracula also holds a significant percentage of our stock and can be a real son of a bitch when he drinks
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:14 PM on April 8, 2008

man shit i don't even know why i let haughey talk us into holding a secret illuminati ipo that was just a balls stupid move if you don't mind me saying
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:15 PM on April 8, 2008

"hey no it'll be fun we can hang out with adam weishaupt i hear he knows a couple people at google"

YEAH GREAT IDEA

DAD
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:15 PM on April 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

Doesn't it seem, I don't know, purer, on some level, to reach a high comment count solely through rigorous discourse and actual communication among the community?

If this isn't rigorous discourse, I don't know what is.
posted by languagehat at 5:16 PM on April 8, 2008

I had rigorous discourse with your mother.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:18 PM on April 8, 2008

ALL
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:19 PM on April 8, 2008

CONVERSATION
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:19 PM on April 8, 2008

LONG
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:19 PM on April 8, 2008

The question is, is it worth it to make an issue of this with the new neighbors or not?

Yes. Don't be a bastard about it; just say in a friendly, neighborly way, "I notice you/your daughter [as applicable] are/is using our extra space. That's cool for now, but I just want you to be aware that it's ours and if we get another car we're going to reclaim it. Capeesh?"

Because if you don't, you're basically presenting your hindquarters for a vigorous rogering. And they don't know you well enough for that.
posted by languagehat at 5:20 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

fyi i am now singing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah to myself in the style of a bad Bob Dylan impersonation and it is pretty terrible
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:22 PM on April 8, 2008

LobsterMittens- Well, it is your spot, and it would probably be inconvienent if you had guests over and you were all like "sure just park next to us, oh wait you can't, because that girl has parked there". I have a similar situation, except my parking spot is two lengths deep, and since I live on capitol hill, which is not an easy place to park on, its great when friends come over because they can't bitch about not having a space to park. Unless someone parks in behind me. Which also means I can't get my car out for work, etc. So i've had them towed a few times, it evens out.

I would just talk to them, and say that while yes, you aren't using the spot, it is yours, and you would like to have it there for the purpose of being a parking spot, or possible for impromptu games of 4 square.

Also, did someone mention dancing and christopher walken.

AND NOT POST THIS?
posted by mrzarquon at 5:23 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

thee BAFFullled-uh KEEENG
com POOOOoosin'
haa-eell lay LYOO yuhhh
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:24 PM on April 8, 2008

I just need to say: MAC USERS UNITE!

Because I do. Don't ask why. Just unite and send me good Mac energy, okay? It's not for me. I am MacFantastic here. It's for another Mac User.

Thanks.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:24 PM on April 8, 2008

After some consideration, I'm still on the fence about whether to stay at the Ace. It sounds way too cool for me. And I'm a web developer who is a member of KEXP and listens to alt-country and weird folk.

It looks interesting, but it also looks like it has a double-secret "must have three ironic tattoos to stay here" rule.
posted by dw at 5:24 PM on April 8, 2008

"brisk rogering" is the preferred form. tia.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:25 PM on April 8, 2008

Nobody posted that
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

because nobody
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

cared enough or
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

thought it was good enough
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

or interesting enough
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

to warrant posting
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

in such an epic thread
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

so full of interesting
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

and useful
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

comments.
posted by dersins at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

So my friend has this gaudy set of poker chips which comes in a briefcase, because, well, you know, a set of poker chips looks swanky that way. I think it's €9.99 at Aldi. Anyway.

I walked in one night to these bunch of kids playing Texas Hold 'Em (like anyone has any imagination these days) and I sat in, and god damn it, I cleared the table. (not that I have any bragging rights - this is one of like, *one* time I ever won at poker).

So I gathered the chips and handed the briefcase back to my friend - but sliding it carefully across the table, as if it were an item of great importance. While doing so, in English, in a mock Russian accent:

ME: The eagle sleeps in Leningrad.
HIM: ...
ME (insistent): The eagle sleeps in Leningrad.
HIM: ...
ME (incredulous): You are not my contact?
HIM (catching on, in English, in a mock Russian accent): No. And it's "The lion sleeps in Stalingrad." You should have paid better attention in spy school.

(pause)

ME: If we're both Russian, why we speak English?

THE END
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:26 PM on April 8, 2008

Ghostbusters theme all in my head.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:28 PM on April 8, 2008

Of course, I feel like Portland has an "ironic tattoo required" vibe as well. Or maybe a pierced nipple requirement. It's what Seattle was like 10 years ago, before the condos spread like mussels on a rotting hull.
posted by dw at 5:29 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm still on the fence about whether to stay at the Ace.

It's fine. They won't be jerkfaces.

Well, they might be jerkfaces, but so what?
posted by dersins at 5:29 PM on April 8, 2008

TALES FROM IRC

20:27 <@mrzarquon> can we get mathowie in there
20:27 <@mrzarquon> atleast to say "hey guys, what is this doing to our databa OH MY FUCKING GOD"
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:29 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

also "she works hard for the money" is in my head at the same time.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:30 PM on April 8, 2008

why i am posting this here
Don't you think that if he were to ralise, that that would spoil the mystique?
seriously
realise
i just reposted this there
posted by mrzarquon at 5:30 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh, we're all chock full of shitty mass-produced condos now, too.

Fortunately they're mostly all in the Pearl District.

Fuck the Pearl District.
posted by dersins at 5:30 PM on April 8, 2008

"she works hard for the money": does this song actually have to do with olivia newton john or do i just have confused associations from that time period?
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:30 PM on April 8, 2008

Dude what are you guys f-ing doing on IRC? You're wasting your precious bodily fluids which we need in here!
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:32 PM on April 8, 2008

PAINFUL STUBBLE
posted by dw at 5:32 PM on April 8, 2008

you only have to worry about fulfilling the ironic tattoo required constraint if you're moving to Portland for the IRONIC DOUCHEBAGS WHO MOVED TO PORTLAND BECAUSE THEY HEARD IT WAS A GOOD IDEA scene
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:32 PM on April 8, 2008

"she works hard for the money": does this song actually have to do with olivia newton john or do i just have confused associations from that time period?

No and apparently.
posted by dersins at 5:32 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

GOT HIS GOAT
posted by dw at 5:33 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm a full-time mom, so I'm fine, but don't the rest of you have responsibilities? Day jobs? Small children, armed with forks, to keep away from electrical outle-- oh shit, that's me, gotta go
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:34 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

SO HE WENT
posted by dw at 5:34 PM on April 8, 2008

Damnit!
<Zenabi> one word: faith
<cortex> heh
<mrzarquon> once we hit the 1900 comment hump, its all inertia
<mrzarquon> i think we will do it
<mrzarquon> wth
<mrzarquon> why i am posting this here
<Zenabi> Don't you think that if he were to ralise, that that would spoil the mystique?
<cortex> seriously
<Zenabi> realise
<cortex> i just reposted this there
<mrzarquon> damnit
<mrzarquon> how do i get the brackets?
<Zenabi> you walk in the door faster
<mrzarquon> i really don't want to have to view the source
<cortex> & lt;
<cortex> & gt;
<cortex> for < and > respectively
<mrzarquon> ah
posted by mrzarquon at 5:34 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

there has been construction on one condo or another within three blocks of my apartment for basically four or five years straight now
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:34 PM on April 8, 2008

AND SLIT HIS THROAT
posted by dw at 5:35 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex, I think instead of making retrospective fake early drafts of songs, you should make retrospective fake obscure Delta-blues originals which the later "sensitive" white artists cribbed without credit and rode to fame and fortune, leaving the original artists in dirt-floor poverty.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:35 PM on April 8, 2008

ok, now I am just posting in here.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:36 PM on April 8, 2008

BURMA-SHAVE
posted by dw at 5:36 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Like, R.E.M. songs would be good for this. Or Toad the Wet Sprocket.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:36 PM on April 8, 2008

also, you know, fuck people who don't like Journey
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:36 PM on April 8, 2008

and I don't mean "like" i mean like like
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:36 PM on April 8, 2008

fuck people who "like" Journey more than people who just plain don't like Journey, in fact
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:37 PM on April 8, 2008

my friends live in what is pretty much akin to the paper street house from fight club, except it is on millionaire row in capitol hill. they just found out they can stay in it, because the developers have lost their funding (yay!) and are going to keep renting it as slumlords instead of flipping it and the two houses around it into 12 townhouses. Which is great, because it means another house full of 10 people who throw ragers will still be around.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:37 PM on April 8, 2008

LobsterMitten that is an okay idea but someone kind of did that with Bob Dylan as the author of every song ever and besides I do kind of an unconvincing delta blues to my shame.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:38 PM on April 8, 2008

this one time, they threw a party that ended up with people hunched next to five gallon buckets. it was great. Also, i am glad I don't live there, so I don't have to worry about finding other people or their fluids in my beds.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:38 PM on April 8, 2008

i think im going to listen to something Daft Punk, because it is all i have on this machine right now.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:39 PM on April 8, 2008

two tabbing it is the way to go, i don't think i can handle three.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:39 PM on April 8, 2008

well, maybe three will work better, since I can't seem to get two to load in time right now.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:39 PM on April 8, 2008

yeah, three appears to work
posted by mrzarquon at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2008

In the Pearl District, there's a hundred different ways to get anywhere, all the streetnames contain punctuation, and a set of directions you write today is incomprehensible to you tomorrow.
posted by matthewr at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2008

i mean don't get me wrong
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2008

So how do people feel about suspension and other fun body modification events. I am trying to think of an idea for a get together.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2008

I mean, I'll buy the tarps.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2008

well fine then.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:41 PM on April 8, 2008

steve perry is a huge douche (even if he is a minority stakeholder, seriously, even Dracula can't stand the guy and they're like metaphysical cousins or whatever) but that's not the band's fault exactly
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:41 PM on April 8, 2008

not really
posted by mrzarquon at 5:41 PM on April 8, 2008

but i am trying to get some conversation going
posted by mrzarquon at 5:41 PM on April 8, 2008

Also "fuck the pearl district" = pretty good advice, depending
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:42 PM on April 8, 2008

but and okay they're basically a pale weird boyband pop shadow of Boston or whatever and i get that
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:42 PM on April 8, 2008

but you know the whole world doesn't have to be a goddam pitchfork reviewgasm
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:42 PM on April 8, 2008

am I someone who probably spends more time at powell's technical books than powells, and then goes over to that brewpub that serves the veggie burritos and has growlers on the other side of the park from the store?
posted by mrzarquon at 5:42 PM on April 8, 2008

you only have to worry about fulfilling the ironic tattoo required constraint if you're moving to Portland for the IRONIC DOUCHEBAGS WHO MOVED TO PORTLAND BECAUSE THEY HEARD IT WAS A GOOD IDEA scene

Well, they moved there for three reasons:
1. Transplanted Seattleites who think Seattle has been over for years
2. Transplanted Seattle musicians escaping Seattle's ridiculous housing costs
3. San Franciscans who believe Portland is the next Seattle
posted by dw at 5:42 PM on April 8, 2008

just plain good fucking music and everybody's alright and we're all a bunch of blue collar racists anyway when you get down to it and OH MY GOD I'VE TURNED INTO JONMC CALL AN AMBULANCE
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Rag Doll = sexist but irresistable song. To me.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:44 PM on April 8, 2008

dw- I was going to move to portland originally, but got a job offer up here in seattle first, along with other reasons. If i were to move to portland at a later date (being that i've only lived in seattle for a little over two years) what category would I fall into.

Also, I only have one tattoo, no piercings, and I originally came from Connecticut (Where the White People Are™)
posted by mrzarquon at 5:44 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex, atleast you haven't deconstructed food as a way of showing off your social status (vodka is just overpriced everclear, etc.)
posted by mrzarquon at 5:45 PM on April 8, 2008

D'oh. Steve Perry =/= Joe Perry.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:46 PM on April 8, 2008

come on people, we need more multitabbers in here, i can't be the only one to keep doing this.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:46 PM on April 8, 2008

or can i?
posted by mrzarquon at 5:46 PM on April 8, 2008

i won't know, because im tabbing before i see the other reloads
posted by mrzarquon at 5:47 PM on April 8, 2008

you only have to worry about fulfilling the ironic tattoo required constraint if you're moving to Portland for the IRONIC DOUCHEBAGS WHO MOVED TO PORTLAND BECAUSE THEY HEARD IT WAS A GOOD IDEA scene

Don't move here. It sucks and you'd hate it. It's not a good idea at all.

Oh, wait.

I just bought a house.

COME ONE, COME ALL. EVERYONE SHOULD MOVE HERE! IT'S A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL CITY, BETTER THAN ANY OTHER!

Allow me to direct you to this very apt comparison to Seattle.
posted by dersins at 5:47 PM on April 8, 2008

LINDA MCGREGERSON, COME ON DOWN
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:47 PM on April 8, 2008

YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ONNNNNN
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:47 PM on April 8, 2008

THE PRICE IS PULITZER
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Connecticut is the Land of Steady Habits, my mom has always proudly said.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:48 PM on April 8, 2008

. * . * . * doodle oodle oodle da doodle oodle . * . * . *
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:48 PM on April 8, 2008

Also my corn-puter won't really handle the multi tab thing.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:49 PM on April 8, 2008

dersins- that is very much an apt description, and one that may influence me to move to portland (for teh womens)
posted by mrzarquon at 5:49 PM on April 8, 2008

BEER IS JUST OVERPRICED CHEAPER BEER
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:50 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

mrzarquon, where in CT? I spent the unhappiest years of my life in fucking New Canaan. What a fucking piece of shit town.
posted by dersins at 5:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Favorite Jon Stewart moment, while trying to pluralize the residents of connecticut:
connecticutians, connecticutuans, you know, the rich white people of the north.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:51 PM on April 8, 2008

It's weird, the only parts of Portland I've seen are the block that Powell's is on, and some soulless condo development surrounded by a sea of cars and roads (where my friend lived, who had a very different view of Portland than I think I would have had). And some cool greeny cliff-like structure around back of a hospital? I might have dreamed that part.
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Note that she is quitting smoking beginning next year.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:52 PM on April 8, 2008

And: tequila is not as good as bourbon!
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:53 PM on April 8, 2008

Where are you driving me? This isn't the way to the Piggly Wiggly!
posted by languagehat at 5:53 PM on April 8, 2008

Linda McGregorson is quitting smoking?
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:54 PM on April 8, 2008

there was an askme recently from someone who was all "there's an elvis singing outside my window at work and it's making it hard for me to work" and I was all huh i wonder if this poster is in Portland because we have some elvises
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:54 PM on April 8, 2008

See, when I refreshed it said "2394 comments total" but by the time I hit Post Comment it'll be way over 2400. You fuckers with your multiple tabs.
posted by languagehat at 5:54 PM on April 8, 2008

Holy shit we're rapidly approaching 2400?
posted by dersins at 5:54 PM on April 8, 2008

2687 isn't just
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

a pipe dream any more?
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

My god, people
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

we can do this.
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Macromedia? Whats that?
posted by Dr. Curare at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

We can really
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

do this!
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Nope, still under.
posted by languagehat at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

For reals!
posted by dersins at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh my, 2400 is coming! Hold on men! She's a biggun!
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

and she was all "I'm in portland" and I was all oh shit she's in portland fuck yeah i bet i know which one it is too because i saw one near powells
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Bah.
posted by languagehat at 5:56 PM on April 8, 2008

and someone else was all "hey is it old Elvis who hangs out at saturday market" and in my head I was all shit no man old elvis from saturday market never bothered nobody it must be that other elvis the new one by powells
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:56 PM on April 8, 2008

and the OP (I hate that term but I'm using it here because everything in this thread is separate from the real world we are in a special place here) was all "no it's by powells" and I was all DAMN FUCKING RIGHT
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:57 PM on April 8, 2008

You know those travel mugs with the lid that has a little sliding plank in the middle, where you can slide the plank to open or close the little drinking space? And the plank sits in a little recess, but doesn't pop up out of the recess?

How the hell does one clean that lid, if one drinks coffee with milk and gets dairy gunge in around the plank?
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:57 PM on April 8, 2008

fucking new canaan?

Man I know you mean, but you must have been chaffed.

years 0-16 in Greenwich, CT. (Riverside actually, its the smaller, not so full of yuppy enclave, not the massive back country mansion part of town).
posted by mrzarquon at 5:58 PM on April 8, 2008

WITH A MACHETE!
posted by dersins at 5:58 PM on April 8, 2008

and the point is i thought all that but i didn't type any of it into askme because that would not be goddam kosher
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:00 PM on April 8, 2008

GodDAMMIT Stanford! Get your shit together!
posted by rtha at 6:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Life intervened. I'm back.
posted by dblslash at 6:00 PM on April 8, 2008

and i think basically i'm going to update the FAQ to point questions about the askme guidelines to this thread because i can't really think of a better example of displaying restraint than those several comments i just posted
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:00 PM on April 8, 2008

So what's our deadline?
posted by languagehat at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2008

L: Hah-lay-loooya
posted by dblslash at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2008

How the hell does one clean that lid, if one drinks coffee with milk and gets dairy gunge in around the plank?

Toothbrush.
posted by rtha at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

cortex, has there been a general lull in asshattery of the shit the last few hours, as everyone has congregated here? I realize you may have to ask the other mods, but the only grey i've seen is this.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:02 PM on April 8, 2008

I know it's up there somewhere, but damned if I'm going to look through this misbegotten mountain of madness.
posted by languagehat at 6:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Seattle is the younger gay brother who made a ton of money in software, bought a Craftsman, shops at whole foods, and generally feels pretty smug about himself, even if he weeps at the therapist's office.

Portland is the older bisexual sister who is edgier and artier than the younger brother, feels proud about mot making as much money, drives her older car and lives in her older neighborhood, and has an annoying habit of picking people up, banging them senseless, and then weeping on them afterwards.

Tacoma is the hetero middle brother who works as a stevedore, is married with kids, proudly union, and finally decided to not live in the other siblings shadows a few years ago even if he's completely ignored 90% of the time at famly gatherings.

Bellingham is the perpetually stoned cousin. Beaverton is the outraged conservative neighbor of Portland who occasionally has sex with Portland on the side and does her best to keep it a secret. Bellevue is the really rich and annoying guy who owns a Testarossa because too many people think he's gay. Redmond is the hipster. Sequim retired to the golf course. Puyallup is a serial killer. Battle Ground is Ron Paul's second cousin. Eugene buys his weed from Bellingham. Newport is really pretty, but it's all keeping up appearances. Coos Bay moved into a trailer with North Bend and has the kids run get them their ciggys when they're not being beaten. Corvallis didn't know what she wanted to be and ended up living on a farm, turning conservative, and buying her weed from Bellingham. Forks is a sad, sad vampire.

Who did I leave out? Oh, Shoreline -- the girlfriend Seattle broke up with when he came out.
posted by dw at 6:02 PM on April 8, 2008 [6 favorites]

lh: 5:29am PST. we have under 12 hours right now.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Lobster, you should just switch to just black coffee. It makes life so much simpler. Best advice I ever got from one of my early business mentors. "Be low maintenance. Drink black coffee."
posted by dblslash at 6:03 PM on April 8, 2008

OK, mrz said tomorrow morning at 5:30 am. (Pacific Time, I think, not that it matters to me.) So I'll miss the denouement. Such is life. I had my moment of glory.
posted by languagehat at 6:06 PM on April 8, 2008

Ballard is Seattle Fag Hag girlfriend who treats him like he's his boyfriend when she isn't seeing some guy, and yet gets upset when he runs off to Orcas for a weekend without her even thou she is seeing this recovering alcoholic sailor who lives in magnolia.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:06 PM on April 8, 2008

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
posted by dblslash at 6:07 PM on April 8, 2008

er, "her boyfriend" but one really can't be pressed for preview in matters such as these!
posted by mrzarquon at 6:07 PM on April 8, 2008

Posted that without seeing mrz's update. Such is life.
posted by languagehat at 6:07 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm waxing philosophical here.
posted by languagehat at 6:08 PM on April 8, 2008

Better than waxing Roth, amirite?
posted by languagehat at 6:09 PM on April 8, 2008

DW OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT MY FAMILY
posted by dblslash at 6:09 PM on April 8, 2008

I think 3k is totally doable right now.

But now I must drive home and watch venture brothers with friends. Update: I didn't get the onions like I said I would last night, so instead we are snacking on some of the leftover chicken. I think I am going to try dry aging the roast a little bit to justify putting off cooking it until thursday.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:09 PM on April 8, 2008

"Well, tell him to wax someone else!"
posted by languagehat at 6:10 PM on April 8, 2008

Can the mods get off their butts and close the damn sangras account, already?
posted by dblslash at 6:10 PM on April 8, 2008

We had the meatballs. They were stupendous.
posted by languagehat at 6:11 PM on April 8, 2008

And as usual she made a huge batch so we could freeze enough for a bunch more dinners.
posted by languagehat at 6:12 PM on April 8, 2008

hey LH, how did the risotto turn out?
posted by mrzarquon at 6:13 PM on April 8, 2008

General Lull
in
ASSHATTERY OF THE SHIT

Fall 2008
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:15 PM on April 8, 2008

languagefat itym "pendulous" amirite
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:17 PM on April 8, 2008

almost 2444
posted by mrzarquon at 6:17 PM on April 8, 2008

seriously balls amirite
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:17 PM on April 8, 2008

2444! did i make it?
posted by mrzarquon at 6:17 PM on April 8, 2008

I hope I did. Waiting for reload.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:17 PM on April 8, 2008

Damnit, well, I did comment 2444, damn you cortex. And here I was going to send you the bottle of Abyss i had.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:18 PM on April 8, 2008

I enjoy watching Christopher Walken dancing.
posted by dblslash at 6:18 PM on April 8, 2008

also i haven't left yet before I still have to run the mac pro efi update on like 4 machines, which i just remembered.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:21 PM on April 8, 2008

I just realized that I haven't had a dream about being able to fly in several years.

I miss those dreams.
posted by dblslash at 6:22 PM on April 8, 2008

also, ARD 3.2 really doesn't like working on custom hand tweaked routing tables, especially if you have more than 3 network interfaces on your machine.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Where have you gone, cortex?
posted by dblslash at 6:26 PM on April 8, 2008

Okay so another good idea that I am going to talk about here is that someone would start a website called "readingthephonebook.com" and they would get on the phone with people like Christopher Walken and Michael Caine and Samuel L. Jackson and they would say hello sir, I run a website called reading the phone book dot com and I would like it if you would get a phone book and read some of it for me please.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:27 PM on April 8, 2008

And then Mr. Walken or whoever would laugh and say "really that's a pretty funny thing to call me about i'm very famous and busy you know" and he would laugh to and say yes i know it's pretty crazy stuff but you know how sometimes people will say like such as in movie reviews and whatnot or even just when they are bullshitting with their friends, they will go "oh hey i like that guy so much he's so good, i'd listen to him read the phone book, i don't care, anything, he's just so great"
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:27 PM on April 8, 2008

and he would start nodding along (you wouldn't be able to see him nodding because it's the phone but you can sort of tell that's what's going on anyway) and he's laughing again but this time it's warmer and friendlier because he understands what you're getting at and he says "okay let me call my butler and see if he can find a phonebook for me somewhere" and then you would record that and put it on the website for people to listen to.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:27 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm establishing multiple replicas in a rather complex TDS 6.1 environment. TDS doesn't like working. Regardless of the number of network interfaces you have.
posted by dblslash at 6:28 PM on April 8, 2008

And maybe he'd be like "oh wait i think they have phone books on the internet i could just load that up on my expensive computer, if i can figure out how man you know these things drive me crazy being rich doesn't make you good at computers ha ha" and he'd laugh and you'd laugh too but then you'd just go hey, Mr. Walken it's cool whatever you prefer because you're doing me a favor but really I think an actual paper phone book would be more authentic if that's possible
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:29 PM on April 8, 2008

and he'd nod again (I think maybe you can hear it a little because of his head moving like a little whoosh whoosh sound as his side face hair brushed the phone and such) and he'd say "no no you're right, man, that's so true, I really respect that opinion and I'll definitely use a real phone book because that's what it's all about" and you'd be all like I'm really glad you see it that way sir but again whatever you prefer and he'd be all "no, that's definitely the way to go a hundred percent"
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:30 PM on April 8, 2008

hey LH, how did the risotto turn out?

If we'd had it, believe me, I would have told you. I was kind of hoping to try it tonight, so I could report back in this thread, but I wasn't going to say no to meatballs. Before this thread closes you'll have to pick a destination thread where I can give my review.
posted by languagehat at 6:31 PM on April 8, 2008

This idea is akin to the "taking a shit" standard of actors. There are actors who would be just fascinating watching them do anything. For instance. Philip Seymour Hoffman? I'd watch him take a shit, and I'd fucking enjoy it.
posted by dblslash at 6:32 PM on April 8, 2008

and he's laughing again but this time it's warmer and friendlier because he understands what you're getting at and he says "okay let me call my butler and see if he can find a phonebook for me somewhere" and then ~~you would record that and put it on the website for people to listen to~~ he'd keep you on the line until the police broke down your door and hauled you off to the slammer.
posted by languagehat at 6:32 PM on April 8, 2008

especially as you could hear him flip through the pages, and make side comments about the names, and then a pause, and a rush of air past the microphone as Walken went from A to Q, just to see if anyone had a last name that began with Q.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:32 PM on April 8, 2008

For the record, I am not a scatophile.
posted by dblslash at 6:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Don't fuck with rich people, man. That's my last word to you before I totter off to bed. See you all in the next longboat!
posted by languagehat at 6:33 PM on April 8, 2008

LH: maybe in the MA meetup thread? I mean, it could somehow be ontopic to that. Or just start a new metatalk, as a followup to this thread....
posted by mrzarquon at 6:34 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey cortex, while I have your attention, this should be ba-leted
posted by mrzarquon at 6:35 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex, if this builds up to you doing another project where you get to do your crappy Walken impersonation, I'm going to be pissed.

AT 4eva
posted by dblslash at 6:35 PM on April 8, 2008

ok, now I am going to go home.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:38 PM on April 8, 2008

While I am gone, having dinner, and socializing with humans, i expect us to run 96222 into the ground. And to make a pony.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:38 PM on April 8, 2008

and, of course, for those unfamiliar, The unloved, The unupdated, The Aural Times.
posted by dblslash at 6:39 PM on April 8, 2008

man i totally deleted that thing before i even saw it here and i'm pretty much sure i can't stop talking like this now too so you know i guess the point is that flowers are pretty fucking great when you stop to think about it
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:41 PM on April 8, 2008

roses are probably the best but tulips are pretty good too.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:41 PM on April 8, 2008

people like carnations though and I just don't get that
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:42 PM on April 8, 2008

"Server has been added to the replication topology"

It sounds so... menacing out of context
posted by dblslash at 6:43 PM on April 8, 2008

cortex are you channeling ee cummings?

is he even dead for you to channel?
posted by mrzarquon at 6:44 PM on April 8, 2008

Know what flowers suck? Geraniums. They're ugly, and they smell funny.
posted by dblslash at 6:44 PM on April 8, 2008

i lied about going home, i wanted to see cortex's response to the cortex signal.

which we need to make. i suggest something like a donut.

ok, now i go home.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:45 PM on April 8, 2008

You know what I don't get? "Moon boots." They aren't from the moon. That's totally implausible.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:45 PM on April 8, 2008

he's got too much punctuation to be channeling ee.
posted by dblslash at 6:45 PM on April 8, 2008

Also I think they should call Andy Rooney "Andy Ruiny" because when I go to watch TV and it ends up just being him going all BLAH BLAH BLAH it really ruins my television entertainment experience.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Interesting intersection between ee cummings and Christopher Walken. ee cummings was a poet who experimented with removing punctuation, capitalization, and other typographical modifications from his poetry. Christopher Walken achieves his.. unique delivery by removing punctuation from the scripts he reads. It makes him distinctive and memorable, and made him stand out in his early auditions.
posted by dblslash at 6:48 PM on April 8, 2008

like you know nobody CARES man about that you don't get video games or why kids these days wax their crotches or whatever the fuck just SHUT UP already just DIE
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:49 PM on April 8, 2008

Did you know that the rest of the world mocks the US for having "puffy shoes"? Moon boots just being exhibit A.
posted by dblslash at 6:49 PM on April 8, 2008

I lived in Portland for a couple of months in 2000. Lived in a basement with 4 illegal Mexicans, spent my time wandering around and walking into all kinds of building like I owned the place, until I got bored or someone asked me to leave.

When I was running out of money, an ex girlfriend visited. She was loaded with dollars. I was not really into her that much, but did not say anything. She paid for everything. One day in a pizza place close to the music shop shop that also sells bondage stuff on the big street, we saw a guy painting a mural of martians abducting pizzas. He was doing it for the food, we had met this guy in a beach in Oaxaca a year before.

We were freezing and bored in the basement, so at night we would hike to this condos that had outdoor hot tubs, and leave our clothes in grocery bags in the trees. We would smoke in the hot tubs until the neighbors threatened to call the police, then we would run naked, find our clothes, and go back to the basement.

When the money was low, we would go to this organic market and take almost perfect fruit from the dumpster and make smoothies. We would bring alcohol in coffee cups to Powell's and read books. I love Powell's.

When the money was finally over, the girl decided to go back home, she asked me to go with her, or she could stay in Portland and we could both get jobs. I told her I was really not that much into her. She went to the airport crying alone alone. Her grandfather had died while she was away, and no one called her because they were pissed off that she was with me, they did not like me.

A week later I made it all the way back to St. Augustine, Florida, got some money from my mother and her Floridian boyfriend, and took a plane to Monterrey, Mexico. I made a stop in San Luis Potosí, found a specific small cactus in the desert, ate some, had some insights, and left for home.

Once there, I matriculated for my next semester at college, and never set foot in Portland again. I want to keep my memories of Portland as they are.

Some seed must have been planted in my soul, because now, 8 years later, by a series of coincidences, I live in the Mission in San Francisco, a few blocks away from the highest concentration of hipsters I have ever witnessed.
posted by Dr. Curare at 6:49 PM on April 8, 2008

I think basically Mike Wallace should introduce his next segment by going "okay and here's Andy Rooney with—holy crap, Andy, what's that over there!" and Andy would look over there and Mike would just haul off and kick him right in the junk and stand there and laugh like crazy because you know he was holding back on that shit for what like decades now
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:50 PM on April 8, 2008

I will say I read a rather disturbing article the other day about mothers having their eight year olds' crotches waxed. If that puts me in the same boat as Andy Rooney, so be it.
posted by dblslash at 6:51 PM on April 8, 2008

just all WHAM and dude hits the floor
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:52 PM on April 8, 2008

and Andy would be all "Whaaat's the deal with kicking me in the nu—"

WHAM WHAM

WHAM
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:52 PM on April 8, 2008

Note that I'm not volunteering to get kicked in the junk by Mike Wallace.
posted by dblslash at 6:54 PM on April 8, 2008

that would make a pretty good ytmnd actually
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:55 PM on April 8, 2008

so if anybody sees that happen and can make an animated gif that would be great
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:55 PM on April 8, 2008

maybe loop the darth vader "NOOOOOOoooooooooooooo" thing over it because that shit is hella dope
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:56 PM on April 8, 2008

It just occurred to me that somewhere out there there's probably someone with the fetish for Mike Wallace kicking them in the junk. Which reminded me that if you imagine an improbable fetish, four sites instantly spring into being on the web completely dedicated to that fetish, and I hated myself just a little more for causing that to happen.
posted by dblslash at 6:56 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

actually it should be Mike Wallace taking turns on Andy and on George Lucas i think to really kind of capture the fucking cultural zeitgeist of that bullshit
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:57 PM on April 8, 2008

Wait, are we done with the 18th Century? Because those were the days for furniture, let me tell you!
posted by mlis at 6:57 PM on April 8, 2008

you know a thing that was funny that i saw was there was this motorcycle parked on the sidewalk in downtown, like all big and stuff, a hog as they are wont to call them if you own one and have a leather jacket and scars
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:58 PM on April 8, 2008

When is the next Metafilter Podcast phone-in taking place?

Jesamom and Dadhaughey: How do you feel about your precious only child losing his mind to the LSD-15931 drug?
posted by Dr. Curare at 6:58 PM on April 8, 2008

and parked like ten feet away was this pink colored vespa moped thing and they were just totally sitting there with nothing in between
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 PM on April 8, 2008

What?
posted by rtha at 6:59 PM on April 8, 2008

MetaFilter on the Verge of a Cortex Breakdown?
posted by wendell at 6:59 PM on April 8, 2008

and I was thinking hey okay look at that it's like they're a married couple or something but they're motorcycles and i thought that was a pretty funny event to have happen to me just out of the blue like that
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 PM on April 8, 2008

...

I don't think we're going to make it.
posted by dblslash at 7:00 PM on April 8, 2008

what we have here is a failure to filter communication
posted by dblslash at 7:02 PM on April 8, 2008

this is an idea that you can use if you want to but it'd be cool if you told people i suggested it if it really gets popular but okay so what you do is get a picture of Winston Churchle and you photoshop a beer hat onto his head and you put in a word bubble that has him saying "I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO DRINK"
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:02 PM on April 8, 2008

or it could be maybe him standing on a keg or holding a bottle of cuervo in both hands its really up to you as i see it
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:03 PM on April 8, 2008

cor, are you saying the big Harley Hog might try to have its way with the little pink vespa?

because that's, like, sick, man
posted by wendell at 7:03 PM on April 8, 2008

Okay so I lived NEAR the other Portland once. I saw a bunch of people in a homeless shelter in Vancouver and it was eye-opening. They came there because the services were so much better, apparently (not all of them, but quite a few, because it was so much better than Oregon or Cali). But there were no JOBS. The dude at Best Buy had a degree in computers and he said, "good luck" to me. Temp agencies, nothing. So I left. Western US, you are very nice-looking, but you have no jobs. If anyone on the West Coast wants to hire me to write for them, lemme know, but I require a house with a garden area as part of my compensation package.

Chicago: I can get a job anytime I want. I love Chicago. But there is no ocean in Chicago. Chicago is some cool times and some great people but I cannot live near the ocean in Chicago.

Portland, Maine: I kick back and write for a living. The ocean is right here. The OCEAN. The tides. The low tide and the high tide. I can see it every day. I can swim in it. I am in the land of my ancestors, the place where Longfellow lived, and everyone is very cool and liberal. I can walk down the block and get Bayou food and Arabian food and Chinese food and do my laundry at the same time. And get me a Barista Action figure at the same time from the art store, or a tatt if I so desire, or a stained glassed window and sell my shit on Ebay at the local Ebay store, all within 3 blocks but fine Victorian houses and a bigass church in between. I can take a class in bellydancing and I can do African dancing, and I can vote right or left and we all get along because we are MAINERS. We don't do violence and yet we let people carry weapons.

And millions of acres of land with a very low population. What's not to like? Just stay away from Route 1 in the summer and by god, I don't give a fuck if Stephen King doesn't like lobstah: more for me!
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:04 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm just going to go on the record here and say I don't grok vespas
posted by dblslash at 7:04 PM on April 8, 2008

or you know what would be just sweet as hell would be if like there was a swimming pool full of beer and he was in it and wearing one of those corny old grandma swimsuits dudes wore back in fifties and shit and there was like an innertube nearby with a jaegerbomb machine floating on it and he was about to hit that stuff
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:04 PM on April 8, 2008

god damn that would be dope
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:05 PM on April 8, 2008

pardon my french
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:07 PM on April 8, 2008

Next question: Why when Bob The Builder says "Can we fix it? YES WE CAN!" I always think of this?
posted by dw at 7:07 PM on April 8, 2008

Beerston Churchill: "We shall drink on the beaches, we shall drink on the landing grounds, we shall drink in the fields and in the streets, we shall drink in the hills; we shall never notice when it's closing time.
posted by wendell at 7:08 PM on April 8, 2008

You know, there are a lot of "what I learned from this thread" sentences that haven't yet begun to get posted.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:08 PM on April 8, 2008

okay so a bunch of friends they go to a bar, okay, it's like friday night and they're feeling good and they start drinking
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:10 PM on April 8, 2008

and someone orders a round of shots and then a little later someone else orders another round of shots and it just sort of keeps going like that everybody laughing and getting tore up and shit
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:11 PM on April 8, 2008

I've never been to leftcoast Portland. I lived in Rockland, ME, for a while, so I've driven through rightcoast Portland, but I can't say I know it.
posted by rtha at 7:11 PM on April 8, 2008

but then one guy is all "oh man I totally forgot my wallet can you guys cover me" and everybody's like yeah okay no problem dude
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:11 PM on April 8, 2008

but then another guys is like "hey i don't really have any cash on me or anything can you get me too please" and they all laugh like oh my god that's crazy two of you huh but okay we'll cover you
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:12 PM on April 8, 2008

but then like three or four more guys fess up too that they have been mismanaging their ready cash or maybe their personal finances and didn't mean to drink beyond their means but shit it was a good time and they got kind of crazy and could somebody cover them too
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:13 PM on April 8, 2008

holy shit - in the year 2525
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:14 PM on April 8, 2008

you know sort of a cascade effect and by the end people aren't really laughing except nervous cuz they feel bad that only two dudes actually have some money on them and everybody is starting to get bummed out by the way things have developed
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:14 PM on April 8, 2008

and then one of the two guys who has some cash on him looks at the other dude and they sort of work out the bill and say wow that's a lot of money we sure had a lot of shots huh and everybody is getting all tense like they don't know you know what's going to go down and it's looking like a bad scene
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:14 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm with you on the ocean. Lakes don't cut it, no matter how great they claim to be.
posted by dblslash at 7:15 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, mrz, Byram almost became the new Riverside but it became the new new Cos Cob instead.
posted by mlis at 7:15 PM on April 8, 2008

and the other guy with money looks back at the first guy and then at the bill and then at everybody and he sort of leans forward a little on the table and gets all still and opens his mouth to speak and they listen up
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:15 PM on April 8, 2008

and he says, "NEVER WAS SO MUCH OWED BY SO MANY TO SO FEW FOR BOOZE"
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:16 PM on April 8, 2008

and they all just LOSE it and the two guys with the cash high five each other and they order another round of shots
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:16 PM on April 8, 2008

This is post is just to refresh the thread. I totally want to find out what happened to the guys at the bar.
posted by dblslash at 7:17 PM on April 8, 2008

plus it turns out that one of the guys with the money just won like five hundred bucks on the lottery with a scratchit he got for his birthday (it was his birthday is part of why they were drinking by the way) and so it was totally cool.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:17 PM on April 8, 2008

true story
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:17 PM on April 8, 2008

...

I should've just hit refresh. yeesh.
posted by dblslash at 7:18 PM on April 8, 2008

Yeah West Coast Portland is all beggars, East Coast is like "fuck you, man, pony up." We fought the Revolutionary War, we ain't buyin' yer beers, dude.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:19 PM on April 8, 2008

If he'd won $500 for his birthday, why didn't he just buy shots for everybody to start with. Total shyster.
posted by dblslash at 7:20 PM on April 8, 2008

pictures or it didn't happen, cortex
posted by Dr. Curare at 7:21 PM on April 8, 2008

dude if its a bro's birthday you take him out for drinks ain't no bullshit about that i mean its his cash he can do what he wants but you got to be solid, you know
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Unless you come here to visit, I mean the attitude, not the hospitality. I'll buy anyone a beer who comes to East Coast Portland.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:26 PM on April 8, 2008

plus all th guys are really dogs, right? like in that one painting
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:27 PM on April 8, 2008

also cortex you are truly a hero of the people
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:29 PM on April 8, 2008

Thanks for the shout out mosessis!
posted by mlis at 7:30 PM on April 8, 2008

This thread is really, truly the LAUGHING OUT LOUD.
posted by pineapple at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2008

AND, since I've appointed myself head of the 15931 Longboat Cheerleading Squad, I just want to say I am so proud *sniff* just, really, really proud.

So proud that I might be talked into
posted by pineapple at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2008

naughty sex acts in that alley behind the field house, IYKWIM.

You know, like the actual cheerleaders from your high school.
posted by pineapple at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2008

This multi-tabbing fucking ROCKS. Cotex, you are a genius.

Also, I really really like Journey. Not "like" or "like, 'like'" or like³.

I mean, REALLY LIKE.
posted by pineapple at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, the pluralisis of Connecticut residents in Nutmeggers. For reals.
posted by pineapple at 7:34 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm all for reintroduction of prehistoric megafauna in suburban and urban locales.

this
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:35 PM on April 8, 2008

LM: dump the dairy grunge in the dishwasher, it's the only way. Shut the plank and then boil that fucker.

THAT WAS SIX MULTI-TABS.

SIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
posted by pineapple at 7:35 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

pineapple isn't Highway Run just so fucking great when you're feeling a little wistful about someone?
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:36 PM on April 8, 2008

or Faithfully you know whatever
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:37 PM on April 8, 2008

i get the title mixed up every time
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:37 PM on April 8, 2008

but anyway Steve Perry is all

And lovin a music man
Aint always what its supposed to be

and you're all, fuck, truth, truth man
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:38 PM on April 8, 2008

Before this thread closes you'll have to pick a destination thread where I can give my review.

I am intrigued by this idea: that there would be a secret designator of The New Longboat, the place where the 15931 Club could meet when the original 15931 House closes.

What could that secret signal be??? Known only to us. Secret. Special.

Secret squirrel.
posted by pineapple at 7:39 PM on April 8, 2008

Actual Winston Churchill quotes: "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." and "My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them."
posted by wendell at 7:41 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, girl, you stand by me....

I'm forever yours.....

FAITHFULLY.

Cue piercing solo from the old dude who runs the band....

then my BEST EVER AIR DRUM SOLO.
posted by pineapple at 7:42 PM on April 8, 2008

I was thinking the other day that I should put together a really aggressive medley of vocal rock from the 70s and 80s that would jam little tiny hooks together into a melody, like:

DON'T STOP (Journey) / IT'S MORE THAN A FEELING (Boston) / I'M FOREVER YOURS (Journey again) / I MIGHT AS WELL JUMP (VH)

and so forth.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:43 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm going to just call it "Highway Run" from now on out. And when people try to correct me I'm going to get very, very wistful. And stare off into space and say, "Sorry, I forget. I used to know someone who called it that."
posted by pineapple at 7:43 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I haven't been as active lately as I remember Arnold Stang... I tend to feel another's pain, just call us Drama Queens again? *throws tiara* Sorry I got was crickets, beautiful crickets... Is jonmc going to an interview, and if the timestamp on when a lot easier to reflexively come up with something like "Ash-V"? (Okay, I'll go with Maher's esteemed predecessor (who did the talk-radio schtick now claimed by Phil Hendrie (to the best Food show ever (sorry Julia). Don't forget boobies. This point has been Googled. Or maybe allow unlimited editing for X minutes or until another comment has been usurped by the Supreme Court." Qualude, wasn't he the lead among Democratic voters over Barack.
posted by wendell at 7:44 PM on April 8, 2008

I'd buy it. And I'd trade it on clear gray cassettes at shows.
posted by pineapple at 7:45 PM on April 8, 2008

Spamwell? Is that you?
posted by pineapple at 7:46 PM on April 8, 2008

A thing which you might not know is that "antology" is not actually the study of ants.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:47 PM on April 8, 2008

In factuality it is just a common misspelling of "anthology".
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Which is also not the study of ants, but at least it is spelled right and I think that's important to consider.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:47 PM on April 8, 2008

I feel like I've been in the trenches with you all. I feel like... we mean something to each other.
posted by pineapple at 7:48 PM on April 8, 2008

Now, that could be the wine talking. (I made a nice chicken pasta with mushrooms in a port wine sauce.)
posted by pineapple at 7:48 PM on April 8, 2008

But don't you all feel like... we've been through something special together? Like that group of kids you bunked with at Stu Co leadership camp that one year? And you made each other leather bracelets and sang "Friends Are Friends Forever" and cried cried cried on the last day? And you knew you'd mean something to each other FOREVER?
posted by pineapple at 7:48 PM on April 8, 2008

No? Just me?

Must be the Journey. *sniff* Screw you guys.
posted by pineapple at 7:49 PM on April 8, 2008

Watching The Darjeeling Limited. Surreal as ever.
posted by dblslash at 7:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Also I'd just like to remind everybody that if you're not part of the Monty Hall Solution, you're part of the Monty Hall Problem.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:50 PM on April 8, 2008

To clarify: the wine that might be talking is NOT also the port from the sauce. There was some additional wine had.
posted by pineapple at 7:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Don't eat the brown tabs, Burhanistan.
posted by pineapple at 7:52 PM on April 8, 2008

Which one of you fuckers flagged something down here?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:52 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

ontogeny
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:53 PM on April 8, 2008

recapitulates
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:53 PM on April 8, 2008

~~PHYLOGENY~~
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:53 PM on April 8, 2008

~~SPARTA~~
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:53 PM on April 8, 2008

> Which one of you fuckers flagged something down here?

EPIC
posted by mrzarquon at 7:54 PM on April 8, 2008

PULITZER
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:54 PM on April 8, 2008

I guess you all have never experienced 5 star dragon blotter.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:57 PM on April 8, 2008

I'd like to take a minute here for something important. I know we've all been having a pretty good time and stuff, but there's a whole world of issues out there to keep in mind and one of those issues that just doesn't get the kind of attention it deserves is Compulsive Table Jumping. CTJ affects thousands of Americans, and I'd like to introduce you to one of them: Hi, Stan!

posted by cortex (staff) at 7:57 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Here is a story about running away to the moon, because the moon is looking nice tonight.

I wrote a letter to the President of the moon, asked him if they had towaway zones up there. The cops had towed away my Honda and I didn't like it. Cost me seventy-five dollars to get it back, plus the mental health. You ever notice how the tow trucks pick on little tiny cars? You ever seen them hauling off a Chrysler Imperial? No, you haven't.

The President of the moon replied most courteously that the moon had no towaway zones whatsoever. Mental health on the moon, he added, cost only a dollar.

Well, I needed mental health real bad that week, so I wrote back saying I thought I could get there by the spring of '81, if the space shuttle fulfilled its porcelain promise, and to keep some mental health warm for me who needed it, and could I interest him in a bucket of ribs in red sauce? Which I would gladly carry on up there to him if he wished?

The President of the moon wrote back that he would be delighted to have a bucket of ribs in red sauce, and that his zip code, if I needed it, was 10011000000000.

I cabled him that I'd bring some six-packs of Rolling Rock beer to drink with the ribs in red sauce, and, by the way, what was the apartment situation up there?

It was bad, he replied by platitudinum plate, apartments were running about a dollar a year, he knew that was high but what could he do? These were four-bedroom apartments, he said, with three baths, library, billiard room, root cellar, and terrace over- looking the Sea of Prosperity. Maybe he could get me a rent abatement, he said, 'cause of me being a friend of the moon.

The moon began to sound like a pretty nice place. I sent a dollar to the Space Shuttle Hurry-Up Fund.

Drumming fiercely on a hollow log with a longitudinal slit tuned to moon frequencies, I asked him about employment, medical coverage, retirement benefits, tax shelterage, convenience cards, and Christmas Club accounts.

That's a roger, he moonbeamed back, a dollar covers it all, and if you don't have a dollar we'll lend you a dollar through the Greater Moon Development Mechanism.

What about war and peace? I inquired by means of curly little ALGOL circuits I had knitted myself on my Apple computer.

The President of the moon answered (by MIRV'D metaphor) that ticktacktoe was about as far as they'd got in that direction, and about as far as they would go, if he had anything to say about it.

I told him via flights of angels with special instructions that it looked to me like he had things pretty well in hand up there and would he by any chance consider being President of us? Part-time if need be?

No, he said (in a shower of used-car asteroids with blue-and-green bumper stickers), our Presidential campaigns seemed to damage the candidates, hurt them. They began hitting each other over the head with pneumatic Russians, or saying terminally silly things about the trees. He wouldn't mind being Dizzy Gillespie, he said.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:57 PM on April 8, 2008 [5 favorites]

When the lights go down in the city and the sun shines on the bay, I want to be there in my city; oh-wo-oh, o-o-oh.
posted by wendell at 7:58 PM on April 8, 2008

What is "gaslighting" someone?
posted by dblslash at 8:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Or 'shrooms in frozen OJ? Do you even LAUGH on the West Coast? HUH? I DARE you to LAUGH!
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 8:00 PM on April 8, 2008

Should I have split that up for you all?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:00 PM on April 8, 2008

This is stan.gif, and he's struggled with CTJ for several years now. Now, there are some revolutionary treatments on the horizon that could help folks like stan.gif out, but it's not cheap.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:01 PM on April 8, 2008

Hi, did you miss me? I commented up there and read for a while but then stopped and now I've just spent like over an hour reading and catching up and I feel like I did when I travelled 1000 kilometres to my friend's party and then fell asleep after after an hour because I inhaled a bottle of wine and so missed All The Good Shit, but everyone told me about it the next day. Sigh.
posted by h00py at 8:01 PM on April 8, 2008

The Kleptones' Night at the Hip Hopera puts me in a grading kind of place.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:02 PM on April 8, 2008

Now, what stan.gif has told me is that besides medication, what he needs is hope. And when I told him about Sans quoi, well, he just got pretty darned excited. And he said to me, "you know, Josh, sometimes I just get so tired of jumping that I want to just fall down and cry, but if you good folks can manage to keep posting in that thread, I bet I can keep on jumping."
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:02 PM on April 8, 2008

So you know, don't do it for mefi. Don't do it for me, even. But do it for stan.gif and help fight CTJ.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:03 PM on April 8, 2008

You had me up to Dizzy Gillespie. I was waiting for Bob Newhart, my unsung hero.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 8:04 PM on April 8, 2008

Whatever jessamyn's drinking/smoking/snorting/injecting/rolling around in sure beats whatever I've got. President of the Moon? HA! Everybody knows the Moon is run by committee.
posted by wendell at 8:04 PM on April 8, 2008

What is "gaslighting" someone?

I just learned about it recently myself! It's a great name. And kind of a mean thing to do.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:05 PM on April 8, 2008

FYI, more information about gaslighting is available on the internet.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:05 PM on April 8, 2008

h00py!
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:05 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh my god, less than 100 to beat 9622! You guys are fucking amazing. When I got up this morning and saw that it had only been like 12 comments overnight I thought "oh shit maybe we won't make 2K after all and I will never get my varsity jacket", and you have all exceeded my wildest expectations and hopes.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:07 PM on April 8, 2008

HOME STRETCH, PEOPLE

WE ARE THROUGH THE L2600KING GLASS HERE
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:08 PM on April 8, 2008

Gaslighting is a term for assholes who treat you like shit and tell you it's all in your mind, they are not treating you like shit, you are craaaaaazy. The term comes from an old movie, which is on the internets.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 8:10 PM on April 8, 2008

Information about gaslighting is not available on the internet.
posted by dblslash at 8:10 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

You probably didn't realize that information about gaslighting is not available on the internet.
posted by dblslash at 8:12 PM on April 8, 2008

oh yeah. we're having a baby tomorrow.
posted by dblslash at 8:13 PM on April 8, 2008

It's a good movie, too.
posted by rtha at 8:13 PM on April 8, 2008

Gaslighting, motherfucker. Do you google it?
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:14 PM on April 8, 2008

Going into the hospital to be induced at midnight.
posted by dblslash at 8:14 PM on April 8, 2008

oh yeah. we're having a baby tomorrow.

For true?
posted by rtha at 8:15 PM on April 8, 2008

I was trying to find a clip from the movie Personal Best on Youtube, to share with you fine people here tonight. As it turns out, "personal best"+lesbian does not yield the thing I was looking for.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:15 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh hell yes, that's right. So is this like some inducing action then or what?
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:15 PM on April 8, 2008

Planning on going out to watch a movie beforehand. What movie should we see?
posted by dblslash at 8:15 PM on April 8, 2008

Here is a story about children, because they are our future. (Donald Barthelme story - someone called me a hipster in the blue because I like the guy.)

The first thing the baby did wrong was to tear pages out of her books. So we made a rule that each time she tore a page out of a book she had to stay alone in her room for four hours, behind the closed door. She was tearing out about a page a day, in the beginning, and the rule worked fairly well, although the crying and screaming from behind the closed door were unnerving. We reasoned that that was the price you had to pay, or part of the price you had to pay. But then as her grip improved she got to tearing out two pages at a time, which meant eight hours alone in her room, behind the closed door, which just doubled the annoyance for everybody. But she wouldn't quit doing it. And then as time went on we began getting days when she tore out three or four pages, which put her alone in her room for as much as sixteen hours at a stretch, interfering with normal feeding and worrying my wife. But I felt that if you made a rule you had to stick to it, had to be consistent, otherwise they get the wrong idea. She was about fourteen months old or fifteen months old at that point. Often, of course, she'd go to sleep, after an hour or so of yelling, that was a mercy. Her room was very nice, with a nice wooden rocking horse and practically a hundred dolls and stuffed animals. Lots of things to do in that room if you used your time wisely, puzzles and things. Unfortunately sometimes when we opened the door we'd find that she'd torn more pages out of more books while she was inside, and these pages had to be added to the total, in fairness.

The baby's name was Born Dancin'. We gave the baby some of our wine, red, whites and blue, and spoke seriously to her. But it didn't do any good.

I must say she got real clever. You'd come up to her where she was playing on the floor, in those rare times when she was out of her room, and there'd be a book there, open beside her, and you'd inspect it and it would look perfectly all right. And then you'd look closely and you'd find a page that had one little corner torn, could easily pass for ordinary wear-and-tear but I knew what she'd done, she'd torn off this little corner and swallowed it. So that had to count and it did. They will go to any lengths to thwart you. My wife said that maybe we were being too rigid and that the baby was losing weight. But I pointed out to her that the baby had a long life to live and had to live in a world with others, had to live in a world where there were many, many rules, and if you couldn't learn to play by the rules you were going to be left out in the cold with no character, shunned and ostracized by everyone. The longest we ever kept her in her room consecutive was eighty-eight hours, and that ended when my wife took the door off its hinges with a crowbar even though the baby still owed us twelve hours because she was working off twenty five pages. I put the door back on its hinges and added a big lock, one that opened only if you put a magnetic card in a slot, and I kept the card.

But things didn't improve. The baby would come out of her room like a bat out of hell and rush to the nearest book, Goodnight Moon or whatever, and begin tearing pages out of it hand over fist. I mean there'd be thirty-four pages of Goodnight Moon on the floor in ten seconds. Plus the covers. I began to get a little worried. When I added up her indebtedness, in terms of hours, I could see that she wasn't going to get out of her room until 1992, if then. Also, she was looking pretty wan. She hadn't been to the park in weeks. We had more or less of an ethical crisis on our hands.

I solved it by declaring that it was all right to tear pages out of books, and moreover, that it was all right to have torn pages out of books in the past. That is one of the satisfying things about being a parent-you've got a lot of moves, each one good as gold. The baby and I sit happily on the floor, side by side, tearing pages out of books, and sometimes, just for fun, we go out on the street and smash a windshield together.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:15 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Do you even LAUGH on the West Coast?

Don't know about everybody else, but I'm laughing as fast as I can.

And if cortex thinks he's going to turn this thread into the Joshy Lewis Telethon, he should read-and-watch this. Go ahead. Take your time. We'll all still be here when you're through.
posted by wendell at 8:16 PM on April 8, 2008

Right, right. I'm sure you think you've found a reference to gaslighting, but I'm telling you. There are no references to gaslighting on the internet.
posted by dblslash at 8:16 PM on April 8, 2008

Maybe not Teeth.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:17 PM on April 8, 2008

Here is a story about banking. It is funny. It is not by Barthelme. It is by Brautigan. They sit next to each other on the shelf, old and dead.

I have a bank account because I grew tired of burying my money in the back yard and something else happened. I was burying some money a few years ago when I came across a human skeleton.

The skeleton had the remains of a shovel in one hand and a half-dissolved coffee can in the other hand. The coffee can was filled with a kind of rustdust material that I think was once money, so now I have a bank account.

But most of the time that doesn't work out very well either. When I wait in line there are almost always people in front of me who have complicated banking problems. I have to stand there and endure the financial cartoon crucifixions of America.

It goes something like this: There are three people in front of me. I have a little check to cash. My banking will only take a minute. The check is already endorsed. I have it in my hand, pointed in the direction of the teller.

The person just being waited on now is a woman fifty years old. She is wearing a long black coat, though it is a hot day. She appears to be very comfortable in the coat and there is a strange smell coming from her. I think about it for a few seconds and realize that this is the first sign of a complicated banking problem.

Then she reaches into the folds of her coat and removes the shadow of a refrigerator filled with sour milk and year-old carrots. She wants to put the shadow in her savings account. She's already made out the slip.

I look up at the ceiling of the bank and pretend that it is the Sistine Chapel.

The old woman puts up quite a struggle before she's taken away. There's a lot of blood on the floor. She bit an ear off one of the guards.

I guess you have to admire her spunk.

The check in my hand is for ten dollars.

The next two people in line are actually one person. They are a pair of Siamese twins, but they each have their own bank books.

One of them is putting eighty-two dollars in his savings account and the other one is closing his savings account. The teller counts out 3,574 dollars for him and he puts it away in the pocket on his side of the pants.

All of this takes time. I look up at the ceiling of the bank again but I cannot pretend that it is the Sistine Chapel any more. My check is sweaty as if it had been written in 1929.

The last person between me and the teller is totally anonymous looking. He is so anonymous that he's barely there.

He puts 237 checks down on the counter that he wants to deposit in his checking account. They are for a total of 489,000 dollars. He also has 611 checks that he wants to deposit in his savings account. They are for a total of 1,754,961 dollars.

His checks completely cover the counter like a success snow storm. The teller starts on his banking as if she were a long distance runner while I stand there thinking that the skeleton in the back yard had made the right decision after all.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:18 PM on April 8, 2008

So. movies?
posted by dblslash at 8:19 PM on April 8, 2008

I like imagining the hipster version of Jessamyn.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:20 PM on April 8, 2008

They paved MetaTalk
And put up a Pulitzer
With a pineapple, a cortex
And a lobster mitten...
posted by dw at 8:20 PM on April 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

I do believe this thread has gotten so long it's overlapping with the MarkovFilter...
posted by wendell at 8:20 PM on April 8, 2008

Do you know it says gullible on a piece of paper right up there on the ceiling?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:22 PM on April 8, 2008

I like imagining the hipster version of Jessamyn.

I wonder at times if that's a redundancy. I mean, librarians are hip right now.

Then I remember she's friends with my friend Tara, and Tara cannot stand hipsters.
posted by dw at 8:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Beware the Jabberwock my son!

----------------------

She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.

----------------------------

A Riddle:

We are little airy Creatures,
All of diff'rent Voice and Features,
One of us in Glass is set,
One of us you'll find in Jet,
T'other you may see in Tin,
And the fourth a Box within,
If the fifth you shou'd pursue,
It can never fly from you.

------------------------------

Her eyes were a burning bronze
Deep pools that might cover a brooding soul

Who would have guess it if he'd never surmised
That her heart was a cinder instead of a coal?

____________________

Is a frog's ass watertight?

Then I am done here.

Bon soir, good people.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 8:25 PM on April 8, 2008

Does anybody know cortex's address? Shouldn't we be calling an ambulance right about now?
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:26 PM on April 8, 2008

You know what would be cool? If we got badges on our profiles like the backtagging ones. Only these would say "I participated in the most pointless exercise in MetaFilter history!"
posted by dw at 8:26 PM on April 8, 2008

Besides, it's More Than a Feeling => Smells Like Teen Spirit, as any fule kno.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:27 PM on April 8, 2008

Man you know how sometimes people say "it's so [whatever] that I can taste it" and you're all yeah, I hear that, but you know it's really just a figure of speech and shit even if it is an evocative metaphor and worthy of some respect as rhetorical devices go?
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:27 PM on April 8, 2008

dblslash, what's playing near you?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:28 PM on April 8, 2008

I just licked my monitor is what I'm trying to say.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:28 PM on April 8, 2008

Breaking a record tastes like dust and the occasional sneeze that got away with you and also a little bit like electricity if you get near the edges.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:30 PM on April 8, 2008

heh heh... lingual degaussing...
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:30 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm going to go watch an episode of the X-Files now and I sure do hope everybody has some dusty electricity on the tongue by the time I get back.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:32 PM on April 8, 2008

Now I will tell a brief story:

When I was 8, I peed in my pants because the substitute teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom because I was "going to skip class" if I went.
posted by dw at 8:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Pick from these
posted by dblslash at 8:33 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm not kidding.
posted by dw at 8:33 PM on April 8, 2008

P.S. PULITZER
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:34 PM on April 8, 2008

Faced with the choice of "holding it" with my little 8 year old bladder and the alternative, the alternative seemed to be pretty reasonable. So, I peed in my overalls.
posted by dw at 8:34 PM on April 8, 2008

dw, one of my colleague's husband told me the exact same story last weekend (about being 8, and the teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom, and he soaked the storytime rug as a result and had to go to the office and wear the Dreaded Spare Pants). You're not alone.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:35 PM on April 8, 2008

And another kid whose name is lost to my personal history shouts, "MISS CHERRY!!! DYLAN IS PEEING IN HIS PANTS!!!!"
posted by dw at 8:36 PM on April 8, 2008

So Stanford lost and right now the Giants are up on the Padres 2 zip in the sixth but I got a bad feeling about this game.

Dammit. Make that 2-1, two on none out.

But there are fireworks after the game (which we're watching on TV, not at the ballpark), so we're going to drive up to our favorite firework-watching-corner on the hill by us and watch them. So there.
posted by rtha at 8:37 PM on April 8, 2008

The look on her face? Priceless. To this day, I remember that warm wetness in my pants with a sense of smug satisfaction.

Luckily, it was social studies, which was in the library/cafeteria, and they had a dryer back there for the lunch ladies. 30 minutes later, my overalls were dry again.

And Miss Cherry was "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" for about 15 minutes, and every time I responded "I ASKED YOU THREE TIMES AND YOU SAID NO I WAS GOING TO SKIP OUT OF CLASS WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?" only in my pleading 8 year old voice.
posted by dw at 8:39 PM on April 8, 2008

dblslash, I dunno. Haven't seen any of them. Juno's supposed to be good in a Garden State sort of way? but might be a little too close to home if it has birth scene? the Diving Bell and the Butterfly is supposed to be good but sort of a downer?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:40 PM on April 8, 2008

movies?
posted by dblslash at 8:41 PM on April 8, 2008

dw, one of my colleague's husband told me the exact same story last weekend (about being 8, and the teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom, and he soaked the storytime rug as a result and had to go to the office and wear the Dreaded Spare Pants). You're not alone.

Heh. I guess it's a common motif of growing up. That and discovering that skin shouldn't come in contact with cold metal.
posted by dw at 8:41 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, dblslash, if your partner/you? can get some sleep before you go to get induced that would probably be a good idea. So many of the induced labors I've had described to me lately have a part of the story that goes "so about ten hours later...".
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:43 PM on April 8, 2008

We've seen Juno. Very good; One of the best I've seen this year. I was thinking Leatherheads.
posted by dblslash at 8:44 PM on April 8, 2008

The Dreaded Spare Pants.

good name for a rock band

Oh no, now this thread is overlapping with the Dave Barry blog...
posted by wendell at 8:44 PM on April 8, 2008

Lobster, this is our second, so we're familiar with the drill. We're anticipating being keyed up enough not to be able to sleep.
posted by dblslash at 8:45 PM on April 8, 2008

movies...
do you like total ridiculosity? 10000 BC would be good for that.
21 is the story about the MIT blackjack team, which could be fun.
Caramel might be more of a chick-flick weeper.
Chicago 10 is a partly animated documentary about the protesters at the 1968 democratic national convention
Drillbit Taylor I've read is not so great even though Owen Wilson does his best
Leatherheads similarly, fun cast but not a great movie
Run Fat Boy Run similarly, Simon Pegg is funny but the movie as a whole isn't the best

I guess really any of those last three might be good for low-intensity laughs and taking your mind off things.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Oh good; yeah, I think I would probably go Leatherheads if I were in your shoes.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:52 PM on April 8, 2008

Mariners win tonight, and Ryan Rowland-Smith now has the second-most saves all-time for an Australian-born player: 1.
posted by dw at 8:54 PM on April 8, 2008

can we put this thing over the edge before midnight eastern time?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:55 PM on April 8, 2008

So many of the induced labors I've had described to me lately have a part of the story that goes "so about ten hours later...".

In our case, it was "so about 67 hours later...."
posted by dw at 8:55 PM on April 8, 2008

my computer is really having a hard time with the "multiple tabs of this thread" concept
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:56 PM on April 8, 2008

maybe every comment after the magic number should just be "gravy" "gravy" "gravy" "gravy"...
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:57 PM on April 8, 2008

"so about 67 hours later...."

Yeah I was sort of sugar-coating when I said that, in case it was your first time.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:58 PM on April 8, 2008

But holy shit, 67 hours. No, no, no. Do not want. I should've had kids before all my friends and relations started telling me stories like that.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:59 PM on April 8, 2008

can we put this thing over the edge before midnight eastern time?

depends on where you define 'the edge' to be...
posted by wendell at 8:59 PM on April 8, 2008

This feels like you're about to roll 100,000 on the odometer. And afterward, it'll feel the same way. Kinda "OK, that was a non-event."
posted by dw at 9:01 PM on April 8, 2008

Burhanistan, Descartes says at one point (in the Meditations) that for all he knows (at that point) all the people walking around outside his window might be automata in cloaks. So I bet IKEA would have freaked his shit.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:01 PM on April 8, 2008

afterward, it'll feel the same way

No man, it's all gonna change. Seriously. Do you see the stars tonight, man?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:02 PM on April 8, 2008

depends on when you define "midnight eastern time"
posted by dblslash at 9:03 PM on April 8, 2008

we've got what, ten comments to go before we push the burning wreckage of 9622 off to starboard and continue our long row into the unknown waters to the west?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:03 PM on April 8, 2008

speaking of ball games...
posted by dblslash at 9:03 PM on April 8, 2008

OMG not even.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:04 PM on April 8, 2008

Yeah, well, we had a poor final month. Pre-eclampsia, then the decision to induce, a failed induction, intravenous pitocin, epidural, 13 hours of pushing, eventually calling in the OB/GYN for the forceps, baby born sunny side up, mom and dad literally too exhausted to handle the baby, leading to the nurses being really snotty about bonding and me nearly ripping one's head off and sucking the marrow from her bones as an example.

And yet, she's 4 now, perfectly fine. Except she loves to play Portal with me, which means she'll be one warped kid growing up.
posted by dw at 9:04 PM on April 8, 2008

urea, a fertilizer derived from petroleum

it isn't made by squeezing little puppies til they pee?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:05 PM on April 8, 2008

I think Darjeeling was my least favorite Anderson movie.
posted by dblslash at 9:05 PM on April 8, 2008

Is anyone allowed to state publicly what the 'magic number' is?
posted by wendell at 9:06 PM on April 8, 2008

And with that, history is made tonight.

OK. That was a non-event.
posted by dw at 9:06 PM on April 8, 2008

So "OMG not even" is the tying comment, 2686. From here on out it's all.... graaaaaaaavy!
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:07 PM on April 8, 2008

When I was 7, the teacher would not let us go to the bathroom because some kid had skipped class the day before. Daniel could not hold it, and peed his pants. I yelled "Daniel peed his pants!". and got sent to the corner. Standing there all alone facing the corner, sure no one was looking (it was a rule to ignore the one sent to the corner, I unbuttoned my pants, and using all of my until then untapped mental powers for muscle control, peed very very slowly against the wall, without a sound.

It was a Friday. By Sunday afternoon I could forge both my parent's signatures like an expert. They were really surprised to read all the notes they had signed when I got expelled a year later.
posted by Dr. Curare at 9:09 PM on April 8, 2008

dw: Portal is good, you're teaching her a healthy suspicion of AIs and passive aggressive behavior.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:09 PM on April 8, 2008

I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU PEOPLE! YOU KICKED SO MUCH ASS WHILE I WAS EATING DINNER!
posted by dersins at 9:10 PM on April 8, 2008

"It's very hard to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who's learning to play the violin." That's what she told the police when she handed them the empty revolver.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:12 PM on April 8, 2008

Gravy!
posted by dw at 9:12 PM on April 8, 2008

So, 300 to go for 3K, in about 8 hrs. So again if we shoot to average 40 cmts/hr, another milestone could be ours. That's the one that will really change everything.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:25 PM on April 8, 2008

gravy
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:27 PM on April 8, 2008

gravy
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:28 PM on April 8, 2008

gravy
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:29 PM on April 8, 2008

Everything will change everything, LobsterMitten.

Should I tell another story?
posted by dersins at 9:30 PM on April 8, 2008

groovy.
posted by wendell at 9:32 PM on April 8, 2008

"Making gravy" via
posted by cgc373 at 9:34 PM on April 8, 2008

graven
posted by wendell at 9:35 PM on April 8, 2008

grover
posted by wendell at 9:37 PM on April 8, 2008

Should I tell another story?

of course. And don't be shy about breaking it up into tasty grapefruitlike segments.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:38 PM on April 8, 2008

grover
posted by wendell at 9:38 PM on April 8, 2008

grover
posted by wendell at 9:40 PM on April 8, 2008

groover
posted by wendell at 9:41 PM on April 8, 2008

grove
posted by wendell at 9:44 PM on April 8, 2008

gravel (also groovy)
posted by wendell at 9:46 PM on April 8, 2008

Ok, story time again...

THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN

The last time you sleep with him is when you’ll lose the earring. You’ll put it on his coffee table-- well, you'll put them both on the coffee table, but it's only the one that will go missing-- because it's in the way, tangling in your hair, his fingers, the fleece throw draped over the arm of the couch.

You will have done this before.

The first time you sleep with him you'll forget your earrings in that same spot, two cheap hoops that he'll keep for a week, joking that he's holding them for ransom, that they're his guarantee he'll get to see you again.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

The second time you sleep with him you'll get the earrings back, but leave another pair. On purpose. This is your guarantee you'll get to see him again.

It will go on like this for eight straight weeks. Neither of you will mind.

Then the last time.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

and back to gravy
posted by wendell at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

You’ll almost forget the earrings on your way out, but then you won't. Next to the empty wine bottle, the two not-quite-empty glasses, will be an earring.

Not two.

One.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

You'll swear, but under your breath. Even now you won't want to wake him up.

Especially now.

You’ll look around for the other earring. Of course it won't be there. Why would it?
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

His cat will be watching you from its perch on the windowsill.

The cat. He'll have warned you about the cat. It likes to knock things off the table, bat them around until it loses them under the couch or the radiator or behind the bookcases.

The fucking cat.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

You'll grope around the floor. Under the couch and the radiator and behind the bookcases.

Nothing.

Still swearing, you’ll leave. Without the earring.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

This is what will happen.

Right now, though, you are sitting in a bar, watching him in the mirror, wondering who he is, whether he’ll come talk to you, what it would be like to kiss him.

What else will happen is this:
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

The day after the last time you sleep with him, he’ll send you a text message.

It will say "we need 2 talk."

You’ll ignore it, because you don’t.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 8, 2008

DAMMIT, WENDELL!
posted by dersins at 9:51 PM on April 8, 2008

US Presidential candidate Mike Gravel. Y'all make me just so darn proud.

This feels like you're about to roll 100,000 on the odometer. And afterward, it'll feel the same way. Kinda "OK, that was a non-event."

Pet theory: a systematic examination of the odometers of cars involved in accidents would reveal a statistically significant trend toward 0 digits.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Meanwhile, the disc jockey who picked his own offensively smirky sense of humor, but the best way to justify the "War on Terror" (and specifically the War in Iraq) has damaged, if not destroyed our ability to annoy dios with a not-terribly-abusive sense of humor, but the Entertainment Section of MSNBC.com. Does that make this thread wouldn't be MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!
posted by wendell at 9:52 PM on April 8, 2008

My favorite part was when dersins tried to tell stories and people ruined it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:54 PM on April 8, 2008

What part of their subjects to be concerned about, but I'm not playing dumb, I want for Christmas is The Hulk and Mountain Dew. Both very green and too stong for their pharmacy last week, they seemed to me that, because of the far more interesting to see how your conversion goes. (You are my Guinea Pig, Bwahahaha!!!) Now all we need your Church Lady now, more than I'm paying now for the next time fishfucker or troutfishing gets in trouble when Mom and Pop get back! Quick, everybody!
posted by wendell at 9:55 PM on April 8, 2008

I HATE YOU ALL!
posted by dersins at 9:56 PM on April 8, 2008

Wendell, you're just quoting Markovfilter now, aren't you?
posted by dersins at 9:58 PM on April 8, 2008

No, I'm not cutting and pasting from MarkovFilter, I'm just listening to GoonShowRadio, Moriarty.
posted by wendell at 9:58 PM on April 8, 2008

selection, this stuff is a network (called ARPAnet) operated by the mobile phone number (which all start with 07) to the public. I know meerkatty is incorrect about being able to live with and without stripes. Guess which ones are quality.

Welcome back to dollars. Other than that, go to NGW and Arqiva directly for the people trying to teach yourself sed thing, RTFQ, I know, I just got new cheap watches. And eventually ditched Casio.
posted by grouse at 10:03 PM on April 8, 2008

Goodnight moon
Goodnight thread
Goodnight mefites going to bed

Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight comments everywhere
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:12 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO 3000!!!!!
posted by drezdn at 10:15 PM on April 8, 2008

We need some antipodal motherfuckers
posted by dersins at 10:18 PM on April 8, 2008

to show up right the fuck now.
posted by dersins at 10:18 PM on April 8, 2008

I mean, what the fuck Australia?
posted by dersins at 10:19 PM on April 8, 2008

Where you at?
posted by dersins at 10:19 PM on April 8, 2008

We need you on this shit.
posted by dersins at 10:20 PM on April 8, 2008

Memey
Enthusiastic
Tasteful
Angry
Fun?
Ignoble (at times)
Litigious
Touchy
Ergonomic
eRogenous
posted by drezdn at 10:20 PM on April 8, 2008

If you can't step the fuck up right the fuck now, Australia, and carry this to 3000 comments while the US is sleeping....
posted by dersins at 10:21 PM on April 8, 2008

...then you have lost the right to bitch about metafilter being too US-centric.
posted by dersins at 10:21 PM on April 8, 2008

Because you will have demonstrated a marked insufficiency of commitment.
posted by dersins at 10:22 PM on April 8, 2008

It's put up or shut up time Australia... .
posted by dersins at 10:24 PM on April 8, 2008

..and I know which option I've got my money on.
posted by dersins at 10:24 PM on April 8, 2008

Who, me? Well I'm just sitting here thinking that it's about time I picked up the littlest soldier from kindy and the biggest soldier from Grandma's place but I'm finding it very difficult to leave this thread. Oh, and this is the picture I look at when I'm sitting on the loo.
posted by h00py at 10:30 PM on April 8, 2008

Who is sleeping anyhow? I'm looking at YOU left coast!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey, I'm still here.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

For now, anyway.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

I need to sleep at some point, though.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

Tomorrow, this thread will be closed,
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

so I may have to actually get some actual work done.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

At, y'know, work.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

And a little sleep might help my accomplish that.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

Might.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 8, 2008

Hey, is there an easy way to figure out how many times someone has commented in a thread?
posted by dersins at 10:38 PM on April 8, 2008

I mean without, y'know, actually counting.
posted by dersins at 10:38 PM on April 8, 2008

'Cause that would be cool.
posted by dersins at 10:38 PM on April 8, 2008

If someone could get right on that.
posted by dersins at 10:39 PM on April 8, 2008

tia.
posted by dersins at 10:39 PM on April 8, 2008

Srsly: left coast, Aus, Korea, Japan. Where are at?

h00py, nudge somebody else around there, can't you?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:40 PM on April 8, 2008

dersins I like your stories.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:41 PM on April 8, 2008

you can use this link

http://ask.metafilter.com/search_comments.mefi?user_ID=23920

and it's the old style which is easier to count. I didn't know until just this moment that your user number contains all the digits that are in my user number.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:41 PM on April 8, 2008

Many may wander to the end of this thread
Even after it's gone
To bed to rest its sore and sorry head
And when they get here and read this poem, they may
Froth and foam in
Impotent rage that such a sorry thing exists.
La! Be still and rant no more!
The page is dead, it is like yesterday's zits.
Even though the scar
Remains, the pus has gone.
posted by h00py at 10:42 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm guessing you can do it by looking at the person's profile, but I don't know an easier way
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:42 PM on April 8, 2008

So I need to give my students some conclusions to make arguments for, tomorrow. Anybody have any interesting conclusions?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:46 PM on April 8, 2008

In order.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:46 PM on April 8, 2008

Or, interesting arguments that you've seen for some conclusion?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:47 PM on April 8, 2008

In order.

A few extra digits, though.
posted by dersins at 10:48 PM on April 8, 2008

*flutters eyelids, collapses to the floor*

(goes to pick up children).

Good night/afternoon/evening/morning to you all!
posted by h00py at 10:49 PM on April 8, 2008

dersins I like your stories.

Thanks.

What kind of conclusions / arguments are you talking about? How old are your students? How stupid?
posted by dersins at 10:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Ooh, I'm at about 225 for this thread, out of 715 total in MeTa. I really, really need to quit this.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:53 PM on April 8, 2008

Mefi Navigator shows a comment count. Takes a while to load this thread, of course.
posted by team lowkey at 10:54 PM on April 8, 2008

I really, really need to quit this.

Give it about six and a half hours. It'll quit you.
posted by dersins at 10:55 PM on April 8, 2008

they're university students. they're a mixed bag in terms of skill level; it's a very introductory course.

so, conclusions about anything. Some of the ones I have up for tomorrow include:
- the decathlon is the best way to measure fitness
- the UN should have its own standing army
etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:57 PM on April 8, 2008

By the way, is it a sign of obsessive compulsive tendencies that I'm seriously considering setting my alarm for 5:15 AM (2 hours and 45 minutes earlier than I usually get up) just so that I can be in on the end of this thread>
posted by dersins at 10:58 PM on April 8, 2008

That's bad and gross and kinda pathetic, right?
posted by dersins at 10:58 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, insane?
posted by dersins at 10:58 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm seeing 216 for LobsterMitten and 195 for dersins. I'm sure that will have changed before this posts.
posted by team lowkey at 10:59 PM on April 8, 2008

so, conclusions about anything.

Resolved:

That less is more.
That more is better.
That some is better than none.
That, do or do not, but there is no "try."
That form follows function.
That love conquers all.
That dreams are.
That work is.
That fear isn't.
That sleep knits up the ravelled sleave of care.
posted by dersins at 11:07 PM on April 8, 2008

okay, I'm back and I am deeply non sequitur. I am SO non sequitur I am ANTI sequitur.

and yes, I've done that joke before; you think I'm going to use new material on this end of the longboat?
posted by wendell at 11:08 PM on April 8, 2008

you think I'm going to use new material on this end of the longboat

Does it have to be material?
posted by dersins at 11:10 PM on April 8, 2008

Chicken Pot Pie
posted by wendell at 11:11 PM on April 8, 2008

A Mediocre Time (the mission I was born for)
posted by wendell at 11:14 PM on April 8, 2008

The Deadliest Catch
posted by wendell at 11:16 PM on April 8, 2008

Seems like it is going to be another all nighter. I love you all.
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:17 PM on April 8, 2008

I Want A New Drug (one that won't slow me dowwwwwwwwwwwn)
posted by wendell at 11:18 PM on April 8, 2008

The Slang of 2009
posted by wendell at 11:19 PM on April 8, 2008

Too Much Technical Information
posted by wendell at 11:21 PM on April 8, 2008

hey, i just finished watching a bunch of venture brothers, and drinking some beers with my friends. What did I miss?
posted by mrzarquon at 11:22 PM on April 8, 2008

Barack to the Future (I am shocked... shocked that I had never seen that pun before - or thought of itmyself)
posted by wendell at 11:23 PM on April 8, 2008

A New Patch Is Available
posted by wendell at 11:27 PM on April 8, 2008

The Artist Is Dead (the future is curatorial)
posted by wendell at 11:30 PM on April 8, 2008

Ok , that's it for me-- too late.
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Too sleep I must.
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Carry on and carry past
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

to C3K and beyond.
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

And leave a trail of breadcrumbs, wherever you wander off to.
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

'night.
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

And 'luck.
posted by dersins at 11:33 PM on April 8, 2008

Jesus, it just took me 15 minutes to catch up, and I missed all the fun.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:37 PM on April 8, 2008

Flamingos.
someone alert ThePinkSuperhero
posted by wendell at 11:40 PM on April 8, 2008

Ok, so suggestions for LobsterMitten:

they're university students. they're a mixed bag in terms of skill level; it's a very introductory course.

so, conclusions about anything. Some of the ones I have up for tomorrow include:
- the decathlon is the best way to measure fitness
- the UN should have its own standing army

Masturbation should be taught in school
posted by mrzarquon at 11:42 PM on April 8, 2008

Fancy beer is really an excuse for the rich to show off how they can get drunk
posted by mrzarquon at 11:42 PM on April 8, 2008

Your favorite band sucks
posted by mrzarquon at 11:42 PM on April 8, 2008

Kittens are cuter than puppies
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Puppies are cuter than kittens
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

There can be no uninsteresting numbers
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Cultures can only be judged on their own merits not those imposed by ones own cultural perception
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

While the motion of the ocean is nice, the size of the boat counts
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

There is no spoon
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

There is a spoon
posted by mrzarquon at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

Morgan Freeman!
posted by wendell at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2008

The Matrix is redefining fields of philosophy
posted by mrzarquon at 11:44 PM on April 8, 2008

Your favorite philosopher sucks
posted by mrzarquon at 11:44 PM on April 8, 2008

The concept of time and space is a creation of Xenu
posted by mrzarquon at 11:44 PM on April 8, 2008

Therefore catholicism is a creation of man
posted by mrzarquon at 11:44 PM on April 8, 2008

god created man, man created god, either way someone fucked up
posted by mrzarquon at 11:44 PM on April 8, 2008

beer is only rented
posted by mrzarquon at 11:45 PM on April 8, 2008

lasers are better attached to sharks
posted by mrzarquon at 11:45 PM on April 8, 2008

eventually, with the rapid growth of telecommunications, the usefulness and adaptibility of any single human will be entirely dependent on their ability to be able to manipulate devices that are far beyond their comprehension. In fact, they will become the cogs in the machine.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:46 PM on April 8, 2008

Somedays are just not days for pants
posted by mrzarquon at 11:46 PM on April 8, 2008

everyone who wears a utilikilt is a jackass
posted by mrzarquon at 11:47 PM on April 8, 2008

since toast lands jam side down, and cats land on their feet, if you staple a jam covered toast to a cat, it is a perpetual motion machine.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:47 PM on April 8, 2008

the best way to skin a cat is with a V slicer
posted by mrzarquon at 11:48 PM on April 8, 2008

The jews are totally milking the holocaust for more than what its worth.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:48 PM on April 8, 2008

sometimes i just say things to see if people are paying attention
posted by mrzarquon at 11:48 PM on April 8, 2008

8 tabs seems to work fine for me.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:49 PM on April 8, 2008

the best place on campus to smoke cigarettes is X
posted by mrzarquon at 11:49 PM on April 8, 2008

Reality is a mutually agreed upon hallucination.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Spock was right!
posted by mrzarquon at 11:50 PM on April 8, 2008

Sweden should invade a country, just to fuck with us.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:51 PM on April 8, 2008

everything you've been told is a lie, even this.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:51 PM on April 8, 2008

why am I still not wearing pants.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Im going to be the next hitler
Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
why the clown
See? no one cares about the jews
lmao

The internet is full off assholes
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:51 PM on April 8, 2008

Stolen candy does indeed taste sweeter.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:51 PM on April 8, 2008

I am seeing if I can fill up the recent activity page for everyone to have my name in it. at the current bug they are seeing it thrice. 30 mes. Oh Yeah.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:52 PM on April 8, 2008

I wonder how long I can keep this up.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:52 PM on April 8, 2008

-Th3No0b: Im going to be the next hitler
-Th3No0b: Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
-RageAgainsttheAmish: why the clown
-Th3No0b: See? no one cares about the jews
-RageAgainsttheAmish: lmao

The internet is full of assholes
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:53 PM on April 8, 2008

When does it not feel good to be a gangsta?
posted by mrzarquon at 11:53 PM on April 8, 2008

damn you Dr. Curare
posted by mrzarquon at 11:54 PM on April 8, 2008

now begins another cycle of the tabs.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:54 PM on April 8, 2008

Feat my tabs!
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Fear them!
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Well? are you fearing them yet?
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

you should!
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

Hello?
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

There will be cake!
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

I Promise!
posted by mrzarquon at 11:55 PM on April 8, 2008

lets see how long I can keep this up.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:56 PM on April 8, 2008

My conclusion: This was a triumph.
posted by dw at 11:56 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

So I once wrote a short story about a hot girl killing people, dressed in latex, in a dysotopic scifi future, and i was very upset when the matrix came out like 6 months later. It totally killed my buzz.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:57 PM on April 8, 2008

It was really cool, and quite good for a 16 year old.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:57 PM on April 8, 2008

I'm gonna bland you up so hard
posted by wendell at 11:57 PM on April 8, 2008

I used to wear a trenchcoat then
posted by mrzarquon at 11:57 PM on April 8, 2008

This was before I went to the hippy highschool
posted by mrzarquon at 11:57 PM on April 8, 2008

I hung out with the nerd goths, because i could mock the others easier
posted by mrzarquon at 11:58 PM on April 8, 2008

Then I worked for kinkos for a bit
posted by mrzarquon at 11:58 PM on April 8, 2008

and moved on to doing apple stuff
posted by mrzarquon at 11:58 PM on April 8, 2008

then I cut off my pony tail and went to a hippy school
posted by mrzarquon at 11:58 PM on April 8, 2008

where i made a shelter with leaves, and back packed in the mexican desert.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:59 PM on April 8, 2008

Also, my new Oral B 8850 electric toothbrush is incredibly awesome.
posted by dw at 11:59 PM on April 8, 2008

i saw a mountain on fire, after meditating in the desert for 3 days by myself
posted by mrzarquon at 11:59 PM on April 8, 2008

I shall name you...
posted by wendell at 11:59 PM on April 8, 2008

it was actually on fire, and they had to evacuate us
posted by mrzarquon at 11:59 PM on April 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

but it was ok, when we finally got stateside, we managed to cram into a diner before they closed, and they stayed open so we could eat food
posted by mrzarquon at 11:59 PM on April 8, 2008

since we had poor food planning (students did it) our 10 days in the desert was without much in the way of flavor. we didn't have things like oil or butter to cook our dehydrated things
posted by mrzarquon at 12:00 AM on April 9, 2008

we had to buy them from this small outpost in the copper canyon
posted by mrzarquon at 12:00 AM on April 9, 2008

TEMPLATE
posted by wendell at 12:01 AM on April 9, 2008

but i digress, we were so food stressed from being stateside, we ate total brownsville texas dive diner crap food, and loved it. even the vegetarians ate meat. it was amazing.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:01 AM on April 9, 2008

hey dw, did you get the oral B at costco also?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:02 AM on April 9, 2008

i've been thinking about picking up a new toothbrush myself
posted by mrzarquon at 12:03 AM on April 9, 2008

so I thought I would ask
posted by mrzarquon at 12:03 AM on April 9, 2008

My shoes are already pretty big, i have to get them from the special shoe store
posted by mrzarquon at 12:03 AM on April 9, 2008

which reminds me, i totally shut down agent seamus jones with a similar line at the post meetup rock out at slarty bartfasts house
posted by mrzarquon at 12:03 AM on April 9, 2008

do you think i can keep up for 20 more comments, that is just 3+ tab cycles in safari
posted by mrzarquon at 12:04 AM on April 9, 2008

however, i will not be able to know when i hit the 2900th comment
posted by mrzarquon at 12:04 AM on April 9, 2008

so I will stop when i've done that, so others may bask in the glory of the 3k comments.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:05 AM on April 9, 2008

however, let it be known that I have risked my carpal tunnels to push us this far
posted by mrzarquon at 12:05 AM on April 9, 2008

also venture brothers and beer help with the absurdity
posted by mrzarquon at 12:05 AM on April 9, 2008

go team venture
posted by mrzarquon at 12:05 AM on April 9, 2008

I am introducing my friends to the show, as i've mentioned upthread that i have it on dvd (btw, we are at 5 hours and 23 minutes until this closes).
posted by mrzarquon at 12:06 AM on April 9, 2008

and they can't get enough of it. They think brock samson is god
posted by mrzarquon at 12:06 AM on April 9, 2008

it helps that they smoke pot
posted by mrzarquon at 12:06 AM on April 9, 2008

i told them that season 2 is even weirder, as it just starts on this whole dr. girlfriend / monarch arch out of nowhere
posted by mrzarquon at 12:07 AM on April 9, 2008

listening to the commentaries, it appears Doc. Hammer and Jackson Publick have more fun making backstories for the inconsequential characters than generating full plots
posted by mrzarquon at 12:07 AM on April 9, 2008

i can understand, its more fun to make an unconnected vignette, than to have something that has to fall under the canon of a series
posted by mrzarquon at 12:08 AM on April 9, 2008

especially a series with a nerd following
posted by mrzarquon at 12:08 AM on April 9, 2008

luckily venture brothers has heavy drinkers and pothead fans also, so you can get away with more shit
posted by mrzarquon at 12:08 AM on April 9, 2008

mrzarquon, no need to keep it up, the internet is sated, it is just laying there out of courtesy, but is already thinking of picking up her drycleaning.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:08 AM on April 9, 2008

9 more comments to go, just one more tab cycle
posted by mrzarquon at 12:09 AM on April 9, 2008

I really can't wait they are going to do for season 3
posted by mrzarquon at 12:09 AM on April 9, 2008

what with the david bowie arch, and the craziness at the two episode season 2 finale
posted by mrzarquon at 12:09 AM on April 9, 2008

it's almost as epic as BSG
posted by mrzarquon at 12:09 AM on April 9, 2008

granted I havent seen BGS at all really
posted by mrzarquon at 12:10 AM on April 9, 2008

I think i would have to stay even more secluded on the internet than I am already if i started watching BSG
posted by mrzarquon at 12:10 AM on April 9, 2008

otherwise i'd be the biggest nerd ever
posted by mrzarquon at 12:10 AM on April 9, 2008

luckily i finally had to throw out my spiderman underoos, the holes weren't doing it for the ladies
posted by mrzarquon at 12:10 AM on April 9, 2008

and our 2900th comment featured underoos
posted by mrzarquon at 12:11 AM on April 9, 2008

> mrzarquon, no need to keep it up, the internet is sated, it is just laying there out of courtesy, but is already thinking of picking up her drycleaning.

You'd be surprised how much the internet can give. Actually, i wanted to make sure we hit 3k, and tried my best to do my part. Hopefully i'll be able to get work tomorrow instead of having to furiously hit reload for this thread, once it is finally closed.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:13 AM on April 9, 2008

*salutes mrzarquon and his carpal tunneling*
posted by wendell at 12:14 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

less than 90 comments to go folks. Don't make me have dissuaded you from posting, others can pick up also.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:14 AM on April 9, 2008

wendell: why thank you
posted by mrzarquon at 12:15 AM on April 9, 2008

It's peanut butter jelly time
posted by mrzarquon at 12:17 AM on April 9, 2008

apparently the carpals were tunneling through the holes in his spiderman underoos, which I can respect.
posted by wendell at 12:17 AM on April 9, 2008

Epic
posted by mrzarquon at 12:17 AM on April 9, 2008

I hope you realize there's a cadre of lurkers just waiting for you to pump it up to 2999 before jumping in to make that glorious round number their own. You do, don't you?

Anyway, the goal of the next set-sail should be a comment number matching the thread number. You've got about a day to put through twelve thousand-odd comments on this one, mrzarquon. Are you up to the challenge?!
posted by carsonb at 12:18 AM on April 9, 2008

No... Not peanut butter jelly time! I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS!
posted by wendell at 12:20 AM on April 9, 2008

5 hour and 9 minutes remaining in this thread before it closes.

I'll just take pride in knowledge in the fact that I almost 1/30 of my scroll bar is dedicated to my own comments.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:22 AM on April 9, 2008

5 hours and 7 minutes
posted by mrzarquon at 12:22 AM on April 9, 2008

yes, its narcissitic. WHOSE GOING TO STOP ME.

With a money like this, whose going to argue, no one, thats who.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:24 AM on April 9, 2008

Hi! Back again! Just picked up the kids! We chanted the immortal phrase "I forgot to do a sloppy poo and smelly wee" all the way home!
posted by h00py at 12:24 AM on April 9, 2008

All your belong are base to us.
posted by wendell at 12:24 AM on April 9, 2008

Ok, now I think I am actually done. I wont be pushing forward for you lurkers, you will just have to finish the next 86 comments yourself.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:25 AM on April 9, 2008

Hey h00py- i did some work for you, you just got 80 something comments to go!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:25 AM on April 9, 2008

Wow, I just reloaded my Recent Activity page and this thread jumped 1000 comments. You all have been busy today.
They have a plan.
posted by Tenuki at 12:26 AM on April 9, 2008

Somebody set us up the sloppy poo and smelly pee.
posted by wendell at 12:29 AM on April 9, 2008

This one is extra epic, i've never seen it before
posted by mrzarquon at 12:31 AM on April 9, 2008

Aiden said 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!' What? What?? When? When?? Wheeeeeeeeen? Ween. Ween? Yes, my son. Ween.
posted by h00py at 12:32 AM on April 9, 2008

"Superchicken, use you Super Vision!"
"If I had any supervision do you think I'd be wearing this silly costume flying around in a giant egg with a lion for a sidekick?"
posted by wendell at 12:34 AM on April 9, 2008

Puppy in a drawer
posted by mrzarquon at 12:36 AM on April 9, 2008

...and I'm doing this with only one window.
posted by wendell at 12:36 AM on April 9, 2008

same here
posted by mrzarquon at 12:38 AM on April 9, 2008

...with one back tied behind my hand.
posted by wendell at 12:39 AM on April 9, 2008

More tales from IRC

<wendell> mrz, get back in that longboat...
<gomi> oh boy wendell is one slave driver
<wendell> and everything's better breaded
<mrzarquon> hey wendell
<mrzarquon> i think i've done my part for the night
<wendell> all your base is going to be stuck in my head for days
<mrzarquon> dude
<mrzarquon> the second one is great
<mrzarquon> its all your base
<mrzarquon> but done to bohemian rhapsody
<wendell> yes, I already found it...
<wendell> All your base! All your base!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:39 AM on April 9, 2008

And I just realized, TWO MORE PEOPLE have favorited this post, since this afternoon, which when I last checked was at 33. Right now its at 35.

Come on your favoriting bastards, get down here and ROW.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:41 AM on April 9, 2008

Row you Bastard!

Row!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:41 AM on April 9, 2008

I AM doing it wrong
posted by wendell at 12:41 AM on April 9, 2008

I am rowwing as hard as I can!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:42 AM on April 9, 2008

<wendell> AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
<wendell> must... clean... out... ears... with... Weird... Al...
<mrzarquon> post you bastard
<mrzarquon> post!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:43 AM on April 9, 2008

I'd rather wade.

What is it about Row vs. Wade?
posted by wendell at 12:43 AM on April 9, 2008

you scally wags!

67 to go, and still no one else contributes!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:43 AM on April 9, 2008

And now, here's some Kate Bush for your delectation.
posted by h00py at 12:44 AM on April 9, 2008

h00py: bread shoes!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:45 AM on April 9, 2008

And the wheels on the bus go round and round until they come off...
posted by wendell at 12:45 AM on April 9, 2008

...and actually they keep going round and round afterwards, but it really doesn't matter
posted by wendell at 12:46 AM on April 9, 2008

is that the KKK on ice?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:47 AM on April 9, 2008

multiplatform distribution, wise ass
posted by mrzarquon at 12:48 AM on April 9, 2008

Kate is the only Bush I ever voted for...
posted by wendell at 12:49 AM on April 9, 2008

I concur

or conquer, depending on my mood.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:50 AM on April 9, 2008

Is it me, or is this plot thread similar to the Futurama episode with the 80s guy and the caveman in the cryogenic support group?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:53 AM on April 9, 2008

Time for mrzarquon and wendell to go sleepy-bo-bos soon me thinks.....
posted by gomichild at 12:56 AM on April 9, 2008

should i pop open more tabs just to see if i can hit 3k before the lurkers do?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:56 AM on April 9, 2008

i wouldn't want to give them the smug satisfaction
posted by mrzarquon at 12:57 AM on April 9, 2008

also, I could go to bed knowing that this thread wont fail
posted by mrzarquon at 12:57 AM on April 9, 2008

which would atleast make it interesting
posted by mrzarquon at 12:57 AM on April 9, 2008

Dead funny
posted by wendell at 12:57 AM on April 9, 2008

however, one of my coworkers reads mefi at work, and I think he's figured out my username
posted by mrzarquon at 12:57 AM on April 9, 2008

if you read this, say pumpkin tomorrow
posted by mrzarquon at 12:57 AM on April 9, 2008

*waves to coworker*
posted by mrzarquon at 12:58 AM on April 9, 2008

I think thats like, 40 comments or so to go right?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:58 AM on April 9, 2008

maybe, let me check the last tab after I hit post on this one
posted by mrzarquon at 12:58 AM on April 9, 2008

yeah, 46 more to go after this
posted by mrzarquon at 12:58 AM on April 9, 2008

cool, thanks future self
posted by mrzarquon at 12:58 AM on April 9, 2008

no problem past self
posted by mrzarquon at 12:59 AM on April 9, 2008

by the way, whats this i head about something I should look up
posted by mrzarquon at 12:59 AM on April 9, 2008

it's called wandering bladder, worry about it in 100 years
posted by mrzarquon at 12:59 AM on April 9, 2008

cool thanks
posted by mrzarquon at 12:59 AM on April 9, 2008

no problem
posted by mrzarquon at 12:59 AM on April 9, 2008

hey guys, i brought dip!
posted by mrzarquon at 12:59 AM on April 9, 2008

this would be funnier if i could afford sock puppets
posted by mrzarquon at 1:00 AM on April 9, 2008

but i can't
posted by mrzarquon at 1:00 AM on April 9, 2008

so imagine the sock puppets
posted by mrzarquon at 1:00 AM on April 9, 2008

I know you do already
posted by mrzarquon at 1:00 AM on April 9, 2008

chasing you, haunting you through the night
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 AM on April 9, 2008

with their witty one liners, and their possibly distractions and shenanigans
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 AM on April 9, 2008

at this point its a trial of wills
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 AM on April 9, 2008

or bills
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 AM on April 9, 2008

or williams
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 AM on April 9, 2008

do you think liam is short for william?
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 AM on April 9, 2008

i know that there are christophers who go by topher
posted by mrzarquon at 1:02 AM on April 9, 2008

i actually used to work with a topher and a kristofer
posted by mrzarquon at 1:02 AM on April 9, 2008

when we hung out during lunch it was called "three chris's in a room making fun of people"
posted by mrzarquon at 1:02 AM on April 9, 2008

but the voices were not just the ones in my head
posted by mrzarquon at 1:02 AM on April 9, 2008

and around we go again
posted by mrzarquon at 1:02 AM on April 9, 2008

i think wendell has crapped out also
posted by mrzarquon at 1:03 AM on April 9, 2008

gomi, are you here?
posted by mrzarquon at 1:03 AM on April 9, 2008

does anyone read down here?
posted by mrzarquon at 1:03 AM on April 9, 2008

this is making safari choke at this point
posted by mrzarquon at 1:04 AM on April 9, 2008

3k here we come
posted by mrzarquon at 1:04 AM on April 9, 2008

it was kind of like this

whoa, this was a tab i missed
posted by mrzarquon at 1:04 AM on April 9, 2008

my lap is very warm from this computer
posted by mrzarquon at 1:04 AM on April 9, 2008

ok, home stretch
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

gotta check the post count again
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

15 to go
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

13 actually
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

almost there
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

So what happens when we hit 3k?
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

do I get a pony?
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

or a special hat
posted by mrzarquon at 1:05 AM on April 9, 2008

almost
posted by mrzarquon at 1:06 AM on April 9, 2008

at
posted by mrzarquon at 1:06 AM on April 9, 2008

3
posted by mrzarquon at 1:06 AM on April 9, 2008

0
posted by mrzarquon at 1:06 AM on April 9, 2008

here we
posted by mrzarquon at 1:06 AM on April 9, 2008

mrz has split, not in a departing way
posted by wendell at 1:06 AM on April 9, 2008

there
posted by mrzarquon at 1:07 AM on April 9, 2008

yes
posted by mrzarquon at 1:07 AM on April 9, 2008

3000
posted by mrzarquon at 1:07 AM on April 9, 2008

DAMN YOU WENDELL
posted by mrzarquon at 1:07 AM on April 9, 2008

senor zarq, go to bed.

alone.
posted by wendell at 1:09 AM on April 9, 2008

And for those of you wondering at home, yes while I did have an older sibling, I spent most of my child hood in my head. So I can keep myself amused for hours.

Now its time for sleep.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:09 AM on April 9, 2008

if yoiu haven't damned me wendell, you haven't been on MetaFilter very long...
posted by wendell at 1:11 AM on April 9, 2008

well, I guess it's my turn
posted by wendell at 1:13 AM on April 9, 2008

to row row row the longboat
posted by wendell at 1:15 AM on April 9, 2008

It's a dirty job
posted by wendell at 1:16 AM on April 9, 2008

but honestly, nobody REALLY has to do it
posted by wendell at 1:18 AM on April 9, 2008

But my motto (stolen from ACDC is)...
posted by wendell at 1:18 AM on April 9, 2008

"Dirty Jobs..."
posted by wendell at 1:19 AM on April 9, 2008

Done Dirt Cheap
posted by wendell at 1:20 AM on April 9, 2008

And Skin Deep
posted by wendell at 1:22 AM on April 9, 2008

With a Flying Leap
posted by wendell at 1:23 AM on April 9, 2008

From a Junk Heap
posted by wendell at 1:26 AM on April 9, 2008

Driven by sheep
posted by mrzarquon at 1:29 AM on April 9, 2008

mrz... GO TO SLEEP
posted by wendell at 1:38 AM on April 9, 2008

Anyway, read it and weep.
posted by wendell at 1:40 AM on April 9, 2008

creep.
posted by wendell at 1:40 AM on April 9, 2008

So nobody has added anything since my last Regularly Scheduled Technical Difficulty?
posted by wendell at 2:26 AM on April 9, 2008

This will not me.
posted by wendell at 2:27 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

This reminds me of my first official "radio" job, answering the phones for two Saturday Night radio talk shows in L.A. in the 1970s... My shift was 9PM to 4AM, and the last couple hours, 2-4AM, sometimes nobody called in and I had to playact as a caller, disguising my voice and using an assumed name (other than Wendell), and there were two ways I could go: either just shoot the breeze with long-time overnighter Ron McCoy for most of an hour or say something really stupid and controversial and get the phones lit up with people complaining about what Lee from Long Beach or Dan from Van Nuys said... the more I think about it, the more I think Phil Hendrie stole his entire act from ME.
posted by wendell at 2:45 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

The only thing that is currently keeping me going is the fact that I've enabled the "April Fools Color Change Mode" and if I take too long writing another comment, the screen color burns my eyes...
posted by wendell at 2:47 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't remember much about the content of my "outrageous" talk show calls from the late '70s, except I think much of it became part of Newt Gingrich's "Contract With America" in the '90s. SEE? HE STOLE FROM ME TOO!
posted by wendell at 2:49 AM on April 9, 2008

And dammit, wendell's not in all good conscience leave those two sites? Not only did my Internet Access go away or grown up. And I'd like to live Get my sister Sandy And my apologies to NickD, I now regret having to flip over a period of mourning. Okay, mourning period over.
posted by wendell at 2:53 AM on April 9, 2008

Kris Kristofferson is one thing when first dealing with a nightstick 20 times while yelling "Stop resisting! Stop resisting!" And also the fact that, when I had just gotten home from the Blogspot, s-l-o-w-l-y... I was born the day I die Thirty years later, a full weblog?
posted by wendell at 2:56 AM on April 9, 2008

But both Pacific Coast Highway and State Route 101 will stay above water and everything else that "needs it more", thus providing a powerful force in this environment, I need to call Wendell names, as he can quack and it sails into the Mass Media via MetaFilter, even without attribution and let's face it, NONE OF US CAN AFFORD THE MEDS.
posted by wendell at 2:57 AM on April 9, 2008

MetaTalk: NONE OF US CAN AFFORD THE MEDS.
posted by cgc373 at 3:05 AM on April 9, 2008

Let me Abos go loose. Altogether now! Take me koala back. Altogether now!
posted by wendell at 3:06 AM on April 9, 2008

For a 2006 that is SFW, but so am I losing coolness points for brevity: “The assassin drew his dagger - a Harry Potter Hears a Who Harry Potter Crossovers That We Hope Never Happen: Harry Potter and John Kenneth Galbraith, but most of her own meager fame arguing with Annthrax Coulter on 'Politically Incorrect'. Of course, three months ago - Matt's in questionable company. Just another un-balanced Libra in the sand... Great piano, great lyric, I'll forgive him anything and I tried three misspellings of my lifetime, but I'm keeping a packed suitcase by the LA paramedics, would you?
posted by wendell at 3:08 AM on April 9, 2008

But if not, don't. A good therapeutic relationship is with someone you can ask the other patrons, but you can start doing daily NewsFilter posts. I also have a Wendell in my chest. If I may be removed if it were a general atmosphere of an Internet cynic like me.
posted by wendell at 3:09 AM on April 9, 2008

I've spent enough time on my keyboard... I meant to say, and I'm using IE5/Win, and I doubt that if elected, they would cakkme, they said "let's do it again" (3) Wendell, who has done more link-whoring than that... Of course, "brain freeze" could be driven to suicide by it. But that's all OK with me.
posted by wendell at 3:22 AM on April 9, 2008

Alright then, our first issue to reach the Robert Palmer/John Ritter/Drop Dead Suddenly age, so I waited until after the Department of Insurance. Every time they had lightened my day, commented that they were originally made for, followed by Rogers Cadenhead and Anil Dash, who recently got too busy with his freaky ejaculations in the American health care system is abominable. The oversized header looks like something I need another cute kid.
posted by wendell at 3:24 AM on April 9, 2008

Holy shitballs.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:25 AM on April 9, 2008

[contentless second comment posted moments later from additional tab just for old time's sake.]
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:25 AM on April 9, 2008

No cabal? Then how am I just don't tell them you're there for this weekend. If my feet or my Ford but a little clearer... Which begs the question: if they've hijacked everything dot-com, why did I eat chicken for dinner? and no, don't put chicken in the Batman TV show, which brings us back to what constitutes a full two-thirds who are (a) or (b)...
posted by wendell at 3:27 AM on April 9, 2008

Yes, cortex, they are.
posted by wendell at 3:28 AM on April 9, 2008

I'm looking in the Buffett line behind Warren and Jimmy. Damn. Wrong line. And from that great play. You are never gonna get a permanent place... which is one the most prolific contributor to 1142, the MetaMegaThread that preceded 9622 and set the original "Wild Wild West" TV show (Robert Conrad & Ross Martin) be considered for future free tickets I get. Just tell me THIS dog isn't significent in Pop Culture: And my "you're ugly and your average random smattering of mean-spirited shitheads" in the web-neighborhood, I will hold all invitations from cold-weather states until at least make it through all the predictions that the "Infamous Wendell Email" went to my 'other' name in my parents' basement (one of my previous creative contributions, most of them are quite useful... If The Terminator does run for Governor, the Democrats have agents at Diebold?
posted by wendell at 3:30 AM on April 9, 2008

Speaking as a theme song is enough to wish Matt a beer, he'll let you in; if FIVE lurkers buy him beers, he won't remember who any of that tragic day and branding all those MonkeyFilter-ettes make you laugh? DON'T STO

*tears open package of Trader Joe's guacamole, getting 32% of contents all over the head Ah ooh. I've been hurt by a one-link obit. Maybe with another woman! I thought that MetaFilter could have made solid conclusions, doesn't Word put a big old block of Steve Martin funniness is a lot to like in a way that would MAKE it so. Go.
posted by wendell at 3:32 AM on April 9, 2008

The real counter-argument: If we require that all American troops will be interesting... in the facial damage, gaunt-ness and hateful expression department (due partly from a founder?)
posted by wendell at 3:36 AM on April 9, 2008

You're comparing me to do traffic reports via a small plane. And the really thick straps and don't need $200 nikes - the $20 kmart sneakers work just fine, and their family of the post. An obvious mistake, potentially grounds for deletion of the same general shapes. My all-purpose dryer advice: (1) If you want an "imaginative" domain name, I've got the tax increases Bubba Bill signed before the altar of science"...
posted by wendell at 3:37 AM on April 9, 2008

For those of us, not the longboat. This is the WORST feature request of the show, hosted NOT by Mr. Spock, but by the 'imperfect' logo (that last P isn't lookin' too secure) and the cost of some of your longer comments, taking away from both U.S. coasts.
posted by wendell at 3:53 AM on April 9, 2008

Dutch croquettes ("kroketten") are generally considered low-brow, fast-foody items, so my Sodexo canteen here at work never ceases their rabid attempts to class 'em up a little. Last week? Shrimp croquettes. Today?

Chicken curry.

I shit you not.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:23 AM on April 9, 2008

I'm back! I have to go back and read the 500+ comments since my last visit, but by the time I do that this will probably be closed, so I want to tell you all how very proud I am of you. This is a great day in the history of MetaFilter.
posted by languagehat at 5:23 AM on April 9, 2008

wendell:

Barack to the Future
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:25 AM on April 9, 2008

Just curious to see 1) if I can still comment and 2) how many comments since my last. Here goes/!
posted by languagehat at 5:32 AM on April 9, 2008

1) Yes.
2) Just one. Slackers.
3) What's that slash doing there?
posted by languagehat at 5:33 AM on April 9, 2008

Never before have I seen someone's comment history take multiple pages for a single thread.

This thread has more comments than 9622v2? That shouldn't be allowed—it's like building a skyscraper taller than the capitol or something.
posted by grouse at 5:35 AM on April 9, 2008

This thread is not showing up at all in Recent Activity for me. Why, oh, why have you forsaken me, mathowie?
posted by cgc373 at 5:38 AM on April 9, 2008

First!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:39 AM on April 9, 2008

I, for one, am weary of the word "zen" being appropriated for every damn thing nowadays. In the local Chinatown, there is a "Zen Dental". What the hell is that?

And worse than that, you know what's right next door?

A Trans Zen Dental.
posted by languagehat at 5:41 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I was a little freaked out (well, it's early here, and coffee is still brewing) that this thread isn't showing up in my Recent Activity.

Should we start another MeTa about that?

Oh, and we've soared right past 3000! Way to go, everyone! *claps*

So, is this officially now the Longest Thread Ever?
posted by rtha at 5:46 AM on April 9, 2008

Why is this thread still open?
posted by languagehat at 5:56 AM on April 9, 2008

I have to get some work done today.
posted by languagehat at 5:57 AM on April 9, 2008

By the way, jessamyn tells some great stories when she's hopped up on bug juice.
posted by languagehat at 5:58 AM on April 9, 2008

Oh, and I guess I'll post the results of the risotto experiment in the Northampton meetup thread.
posted by languagehat at 5:58 AM on April 9, 2008

Unless of course this one is still open.
posted by languagehat at 5:59 AM on April 9, 2008

I'm going to open a MetaTalk thread about the bug where this thread has disappeared from my Recent Activity. Swear to the gods (Battlestar Galactica reference—attempt at nerd cred) I will. I need this thread for the next twenty-three and a half hours.
posted by cgc373 at 6:00 AM on April 9, 2008

Since it seems to be defying the laws of time and space.
posted by languagehat at 6:00 AM on April 9, 2008

No, really. I'll do it. The fallout from the flames will merely serve to augment this thread. It'll be worth it.
posted by cgc373 at 6:02 AM on April 9, 2008

hai guys wats goin on in thsi thred
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:11 AM on April 9, 2008

So, tell us about the risotto experiment. Since we're violating the space-time continuum, or whatever. Or maybe Cylons have taken over. Is Matt a Cylon? It will be revealed!
posted by rtha at 6:13 AM on April 9, 2008

Good morning, you little troopers!!!!! You have surpassed all my wildest expectations!
posted by pineapple at 6:25 AM on April 9, 2008

Huh. I don't really know why its still open.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:26 AM on April 9, 2008

Now that I'm reading back to catch up, I find I'm doing exactly what LH did: If I'd stopped to read and catch up first, you over-achieving, multi-tabbing motherfuckers would have put so much content in that I likely would have missed the closing.
posted by pineapple at 6:27 AM on April 9, 2008

And, sorry for the swearing -- I'm watching The Wire on DVD and I have just started saying A LOT OF BAD WORDS.
posted by pineapple at 6:28 AM on April 9, 2008

Oh my God. mrzarquon and wendell put in a truly impressive 11th-hour performance.

BUT, REALLY, YOU'RE ALL WINNERS. I'm proud to have served with you.
posted by pineapple at 6:30 AM on April 9, 2008

Did we ever figure out why Sans quoi? dropped out of Recent Activity?
posted by pineapple at 6:31 AM on April 9, 2008

I think Oriole Adams is probably correct that we're dealing with this person, in which case closing the sangras account is probably in order.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:35 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Ugh. Ban with extreme prejudice.
posted by pineapple at 6:36 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I believe that metatalk threads do indeed drop out of RA after exactly thirty days.

Which means my math isn't bad; it has been thirty days, and this thread should by common theory be closed. But it isn't; I think we may have discovered a bug.

Which makes this just about the most complicated, content-heavy bug report ever.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:43 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

BEST BUG EVAR!!
posted by languagehat at 6:48 AM on April 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Vee ah oll exchange stooo-dentz.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:49 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I ate a bug.
posted by danOstuporStar at 6:51 AM on April 9, 2008

Isn't it just 30 days in RA, and same time same day of the month for closure?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:51 AM on April 9, 2008

A sweet, delicious, secret bug.
posted by pineapple at 6:54 AM on April 9, 2008

There's only one day left people. One day. We just might be able to pull this off.
posted by drezdn at 6:58 AM on April 9, 2008

Well, it's starting to look like maybe it is, gnfti. Or something. I'll have to inquire.

I feel a little weird about us having gone on a mad dash a day early, but what do you do. At least it was February.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 AM on April 9, 2008

gniddy knows.
posted by danOstuporStar at 6:59 AM on April 9, 2008

I ate chocolate-covered ants once.

Do we get gold stars for this...thing we've done? Or maybe snowflakes! We should get snowflakes!
posted by rtha at 6:59 AM on April 9, 2008

How many comments were posted between midnight (pick your time zone) yesterday, and now? Anyone know?
posted by pineapple at 7:01 AM on April 9, 2008

IS IT TIME TO CLICK ON THE BIG BUTTON YET? WAS THIS THE BEST I WILL EVER ACHIEVE?
posted by Dr. Curare at 7:01 AM on April 9, 2008

Nice to see that we all staggered back here to make sure the thread was still here. It's like we made a fort in the backyard out of refrigerator boxes and scrap lumber and the grownups are somehow inexplicably not making us take it down.
posted by desuetude at 7:02 AM on April 9, 2008

Current bet: it's actually closing after 30++ days. The day-of-month thing would be weird because threads started in the last couple days of January wouldn't actually close until the end of March in that case, and I kinda feel like someone would have noticed that at some point.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:04 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I have to leave for work now. See you guys in an hour or so. Don't do anything too fun!
posted by rtha at 7:06 AM on April 9, 2008

At least it wasn't February, I meant before when I still thought that was the deal which now I don't but we'll just see what Matt and pb have to say and I think I'll rename the server "Montana".

Also, I have just rerun the infodump, so anybody who wants to get wonky at on the raw data for this monster can have at.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:06 AM on April 9, 2008

Natuur is voor tevredenen of legen.
En dan: wat is natuur nog in dit land?
Een stukje bos, ter grootte van een krant,
Een heuvel met wat villaatjes ertegen.

Geef mij de grauwe, stedelijke wegen,
De'in kaden vastgeklonken waterkant,
De wolken, nooit zo schoon dan als ze, omrand
Door zolderramen, langs de lucht bewegen.

Alles is veel voor wie niet veel verwacht.
Het leven houdt zijn wonderen verborgen
Tot het ze, opeens, toont in hun hogen staat.

Dit heb bij mijzelven overdacht,
Verregend, op een miezerigen morgen,
Domweg gelukkig, in de Dapperstraat.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:06 AM on April 9, 2008

Note: meetup threads now stay open for six months, leaving ample time for discussion, followup and adding photos after the event

Perhaps the thread sensed what's going on here and stayed open accordingly.
posted by danOstuporStar at 7:10 AM on April 9, 2008

One more day? Sucks.

I believed that for once, just once, having to do an all nighter before push day would not keep me from being part of a metafilter historical event.

My heart is broken.

Just like with the meetups, I will be too fucking tired to attend the closure of this thread.

I need a hug.
posted by Dr. Curare at 7:11 AM on April 9, 2008

The best part of this is that now that I've reported it to non-longboaters Matt and pb, they might without a second thought just fix the bug and cause the thread to be closed.

At any moment. Without warning.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:19 AM on April 9, 2008

It's official. We've broken ColdFusion.
posted by dw at 7:21 AM on April 9, 2008

What we need is a Jonathan Coulton song written about this thread.

Or a Leonard Cohen afterword.

Or a Leonard Nimoy afterword. I'm not picky.
posted by dw at 7:24 AM on April 9, 2008

I HAVE AN ENORMOUS PICKLE

AND OLIVES

IN A BOWL
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:24 AM on April 9, 2008

I don't want it to be over! Don't TAKE IT AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
posted by pineapple at 7:24 AM on April 9, 2008

And I'd like to note that this thread is now 19th on the all-time hit list.
posted by dw at 7:26 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Did netbros and Oriole Adams ever find answers to their questions?
posted by Dr. Curare at 7:28 AM on April 9, 2008

We'll all stick together though, guys? After summer? I know, you're all going away to college, and Sarah is spending a gap year in Europe - but we can still hang out and do stuff, right? Or at least you can come back to Hackensack and visit me some time? I could give you a discount on an oil change.

Guys?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:29 AM on April 9, 2008

3100
posted by languagehat at 7:32 AM on April 9, 2008

This thread is vastgeklonken.
posted by languagehat at 7:36 AM on April 9, 2008

...and counting.
posted by dersins at 7:38 AM on April 9, 2008

What does Todd Lokken getting a vasectomy have to do with it, lh?
posted by danOstuporStar at 7:42 AM on April 9, 2008

I just want to say HOW PROUD I am of you guys.

Also, how confused I am that this thread is still open.
posted by dersins at 7:42 AM on April 9, 2008

Do you ever get the feeling that today is someone's birthday and you're forgetting? I mean, not just anyone, but someone important to you?
posted by pineapple at 7:43 AM on April 9, 2008

dersins, as long as we're still down here, can I just say that I really love your user pic AND that I'm wicked curious about the phrase that makes up D.E.R.S.I.N.S. But I don't know any German. So.
posted by pineapple at 7:52 AM on April 9, 2008

I think we can at least beat Pete Rose.

Hell, you can BET on it

ZING
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:52 AM on April 9, 2008

danOstuporStar: "Hi. What did I miss?"

What happened to Uranus?
posted by team lowkey at 6:15 PM on March 18 [+] [!]

Huh, and here I was wondering nobody was responding to my queries up thread.

Anyway, prissy sock puppets suck, I think.
posted by danOstuporStar at 7:58 AM on April 9, 2008

Oh man, you have no idea how weird this is for me.

In one level, it was weird having to play by myself, and with wendell, and then realizing that maybe this morning I'd wake up to the thread being closed, and maybe a memail or something, and nothing else.

Also for some reason I had this idea that i'd come in to find that cortex had actually deleted my longboating for the sake of "asshattery" and the thread would be closed, with our total comments still recorded as under any remarkable amount. Yeah, I know it was weird, but it was late, and my brain decided to mess with me.

My fingers hurt.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:02 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also I was hoping I could work done today, because this thread would be closed, so I wouldn't have something to constantly reload ever 5 minutes (and then take 10 minutes to catch up with the past 5 minutes of comments).

So has anyone gotten to the pumpkin yet?
posted by mrzarquon at 8:06 AM on April 9, 2008

Dear Mr. Haughey,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole month in Metatalk for whatever it was we boated long, but we think you're crazy to make us write a comment telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest XFN datafields and the most administratively expedient definitions.

But what we found out is that each one of us is an asshat...and a moderator...and a double-poster...and a special snowflake...and a troll. Does that best-answer your question?

Sincerely yours, the Sans Quoi Club.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:10 AM on April 9, 2008 [5 favorites]

As I was getting ready for work a little while ago, I was thinking through a personal problem and I realized I was constructing it as if it were an anonymous AskMe. I rewrote the question a bunch of times (in my head), trying to find that sweet spot between enough information and useless TMI, and then I started to imagine the answers (and then realized that this is why I will never post a relationshipfilter question, anon or not). Oddly - or maybe not - thinking it through like this was actually kind of helpful.

I'm not the only one who does this, right?
posted by rtha at 8:14 AM on April 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

I want to thank jessamyn for exposing me to Barthelme.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:21 AM on April 9, 2008

THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS ENRICHMENT CENTER ACTIVITY!
posted by dw at 8:21 AM on April 9, 2008

Apparently, I do want to be exposed to Barthelme.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:22 AM on April 9, 2008

I'm not the only one who does this, right?

Nope. I do this all the time, and not just with potentially-anon questions. If it's a general problem I perceive I can't solve, first I frame it in my mind as an AskMe (which helps me boil down the essence of the issue). Then, I think about how I would demonstrate that I've already tried to solve it myself before asking for help. Then, I imagine what the answers would likely be, and when I perceive a bunch of, "You're kidding, right? How could the internet possibly know the answer to that, you ~~special snow~~flake," or "Hm, I have no idea but you could try..." -- at that point, if I haven't already hit on the answer, at least then I realize I'm already in possession of as good an answer as anyone else could give.

This is why I try to do the very best I can by AskMe -- because even if I don't post many questions, it helps me constantly anyway.
posted by pineapple at 8:24 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

THE PROOF OF THE CAKE IS IN THE LIE
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:24 AM on April 9, 2008

Whoa.

I like relationshipfilter questions, but this one smelled weird, so I stopped reading early on.
posted by languagehat at 8:25 AM on April 9, 2008

I think the process I use to decide when and how to drop a quippy comment into a thread has very much informed the way that I get my quip on in real life. A little more measured, a little more thought ahead of time, a little bit more confidence in the attack or willingness to just chuck a clunker in the trash if it's not feeling solid.

But I'm still not very good at AskMe.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:27 AM on April 9, 2008

I like relationshipfilter questions, but this one smelled weird, so I stopped reading early on.

Yeah, see I like - sometimes love - reading them, especially the trainwreck ones (what can I say? I'm a broken person!) - and that's exactly why I'll almost certainly never post one.

(I'd like to add that I can almost hear the creaking and crunch of gears as this thread reloads.)
posted by rtha at 8:31 AM on April 9, 2008

Also, Matt reports that threads are closed at one logical month, not 30 days. I was just plain wrong, I guess, or at least retaining and disseminating out-of-date information.

I'll have to keep an eye out for what happens to a March 31st thread come end of April, but Matt's guess is that it'll just close on the May 1st and that seems pretty reasonable. Oh well.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:33 AM on April 9, 2008

I'm wicked curious about the phrase that makes up D.E.R.S.I.N.S

It involves ham.
posted by dersins at 8:34 AM on April 9, 2008

hot shit, this is still open! for some reason it's not in my recent activity page.
posted by shmegegge at 8:35 AM on April 9, 2008

cortex- this does mean we get another day to play!
posted by mrzarquon at 8:35 AM on April 9, 2008

I want to thank jessamyn for exposing me to Barthelme.

You're welcome. He is so great.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:36 AM on April 9, 2008

And since we're on Meta-meta: Jessamyn, in case you're still reading, I think it's great that you came in to play with us.

I just tried to go back and find the post where cortex said that he'd basically done nothing else all day and I CAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN'T. I went all the way back to 4:00pm on April 8. I suspect mod hijinks.
posted by pineapple at 8:38 AM on April 9, 2008

Do y'all know what another day means?

Do you?
posted by pineapple at 8:40 AM on April 9, 2008

3129: President Zoogleblop declares Flarbruary froptytwenth "Galaga Day" in honor of the brave men and women who died fighting the whirling space invaders from Planet Galaga.
posted by shmegegge at 8:44 AM on April 9, 2008

No way, Burhanistan. Some of us like the vicarious drama. We don't all have stoned chihuahuas at home to liven things up.
posted by pineapple at 8:46 AM on April 9, 2008

Man, I just don't know what to do with this thread now. It's like when you break up with someone but you're still living with them so on the one hand it feels all wrong but on the other hand that's just life, right? You still have to go to work, still have to sleep at night.

I guess what I'm saying is that I just need some space.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:50 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think the process I use to decide when and how to drop a quippy comment into a thread has very much informed the way that I get my quip on in real life. A little more measured, a little more thought ahead of time, a little bit more confidence in the attack or willingness to just chuck a clunker in the trash if it's not feeling solid.

Ah, yes, but sometimes speed is paramount. It's a matter of balance, and sometimes I feel you have to blurt out a clunker anyway - as long as it's sometimes and doesn't become part of one's schtick.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:53 AM on April 9, 2008

OMG UNEXPECTED CHIVES
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:58 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is all still in the same bowl, people. I'm now down to the cucumber pieces.

See, Sodexo isn't so bad.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:06 AM on April 9, 2008

Man, I just don't know what to do with this thread now.

Yeah. I kinda feel like Sonny Crawford at the end of The Last Picture Show.
posted by pineapple at 9:16 AM on April 9, 2008

Matt reports that threads are closed at one logical month

What is a logical month?
posted by languagehat at 9:18 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is not chatfilter, I need to know for a paper I'm writing.
posted by languagehat at 9:18 AM on April 9, 2008

28,29,30 or 31 days, based on the name of the month (and the year the month occurs in).

duh.
posted by mrzarquon at 9:21 AM on April 9, 2008

So a bird, a fish and a crocodile are discussing their vacation plans.

"Hey bird", inquires the crocodile, "where are you going on holiday this year?"

"Well," replies the bird, "my mother's a bird, my father's a bird, and I'm a bird, so we'll probably just fly somewhere."

"Cool," remarks the bird. "Swell," offers the crocodile.

"And you, fish?" queries the crocodile. "How about you?"

Rejoins the fish, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING CROCODILE"

---FAKE ENDING---

Rejoins the fish, '"Well, my mother's a fish, my father's a fish, and I'm a fish, so I guess we'll go on a swimming trip."

"Sweet," notes the bird. "Rad," adds the crocodile.

After a short silence, the fish and the bird demand: "Crocodile, why don't you tell us about your holiday plans?"

"Well," proclaims the crocodile, "my mother's got a big mouth, my father's got a big mouth, and I've got a big mouth, so... probably Germany."
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:25 AM on April 9, 2008

They have special accommodations for large mouthed individuals in Germany?
posted by Dr. Curare at 9:36 AM on April 9, 2008

You screwed up the fourth line.
posted by languagehat at 9:37 AM on April 9, 2008

This thread has high standards. We demand perfection in our random stories.
posted by languagehat at 9:38 AM on April 9, 2008

No, no, the bird really thought it cool himself, and felt compelled to express his enthusiasm. Why, the story does not tell.

In other words, d'oh. that's what I get for copy-pasting in a rush to clear up at work. But now I'm done, so I leave you and head into the sun! Ha!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:44 AM on April 9, 2008

What is a logical month?

Depends on the currency exchange rate for the country in which your town is incorporated.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:47 AM on April 9, 2008

What's a "logical month"?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:48 AM on April 9, 2008

I think we've all learned something here: Don't get your chihuahua crocodile standard high when you're giving head to the sun.
posted by danOstuporStar at 9:49 AM on April 9, 2008

What script isn't running? What's Firefox trying to warn me about? Or has this been answered, too, in the delay between me reading and me posting?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:50 AM on April 9, 2008

Do we know why this thread has dropped off RA, though? If it's not closed, and won't close until the "logical" month is up, then why isn't it still appearing in my RA?
posted by rtha at 9:51 AM on April 9, 2008

Way to ruin the talking bun joke, gnfti. Which is one of the greatest jokes EVER.
posted by pineapple at 9:53 AM on April 9, 2008

Speaking of buns, and since there ain't nobody here but us longboaters... are any of y'all at Halfbakery?
posted by pineapple at 9:53 AM on April 9, 2008

I believe we actually drop things from RA at 30 days on the nose, regardless of what the Vulcan calendar has to say.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:59 AM on April 9, 2008

Estoy no pertenece a este mundo. Por lo tanto, saber que yo estaba pensando en todos ustedes en mis últimos momentos. Vayan y cambiar el mundo que los príncipes de la mañana. Saben que siempre amó usted, pero no a su mamá. Ella era una perra.
posted by juanmc at 10:07 AM on April 9, 2008

did we just have a drive by spanish jonmc?
posted by mrzarquon at 10:12 AM on April 9, 2008

The soy's not pertinent on Estefan Monday. For LOL Tonto sword KO, stab pensioners in toady states in my ultimate memos. Vain why chamber, the Monday question the principals of Montana. Seven quick simmers love us, pair not a zoo mother. Hello, pitching is a bitch.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:12 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh man, my Markov Filter results are priceless now:

when we hung out during lunch it was for sunday morning bowling, so I feel embarrassed for any beef dish: Bacon, Bleu Cheese, Jalapaneos. Maybe some other local folks (or yelp) can also replace DVD 2toOneX with Abuse for free!

This will probably have me getting the printer to print to them. I am hearing the people before us managed to get as many as I can!

Lucia is pretty great, I had to wait for my shop to get in and bomb the place to start.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:17 AM on April 9, 2008

Just a heads up, the price difference between 85mph and 84mph is a privilege for a hint, use the stuff frequently. Your best option is getting on / heat the water as it covered the majority of population. I have heard is really just filling a need, but without context there is Bruce Campbell (but I haven't met him). My friends daughter is Ariana, which until that point I had talked too, a lot more time at first, just to tell them your IT department wants to throw my two cents into the phrase, and others peoples phrases also.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:23 AM on April 9, 2008

Metafilter: concealing live rabbits in the door faster i think ending the 8th of this scale that I know in the office.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:24 AM on April 9, 2008

The dog's name was Montana but I'm betting you it doesn't hang out with an unusual information pipeline for something that looks more or less. A good practical answer for this awful dialogue, then? Mephisto said he personally felt uncomfortable prescribing the medication as well, like "Civil D can go there. Data point: I learned about Indigo Girls when I finish the album.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:27 AM on April 9, 2008

Here's my idea for the ultimate "flash" happening. Metafilter users should get every person they know to play the exact same song at the same time across the world. We would synchronize of webernet chat technology and then crank dat solja boy, except not that song because it can be quite annoying. If we can get enough people involved, maybe astronauts will be able to hear the song from space.

That song "Jingle Rock Bell"*

*Not sure that's the actual title.

Finally: DON'T DO IT JUAN M.C.!
posted by drezdn at 10:33 AM on April 9, 2008

The poster says he's looking for dialogue, "forward-moving" or not, you might preface your post deleted after a tragic accident. This is MetaFilter. People have held off for it that I knew what the lights are; I told at cortex, and you're posting about that long ago, in a Bentley).
posted by languagehat at 10:35 AM on April 9, 2008

I'LL GENERATE YOUR FRESH CONTENT RIGHT HERE BURHANISTAN, IYKWIM.

AITYD.
posted by dersins at 10:36 AM on April 9, 2008

Two things you should know about juanmc:

1) His first comment was in English.

2) His account is disabled.

What you do with this information is up to you. I am merely the messenger.
posted by languagehat at 10:46 AM on April 9, 2008

IYKWIM. IYQUIM. YQUEM.
posted by matthewr at 10:47 AM on April 9, 2008

My office is so dumb. Or maybe it's Verizon.

You'd think, being on the road that has more VC companies per square foot than practically anywhere else, that cell reception here would be flawless.

But if I move my phone from where I'm texting and put it on the desk (6 inches away), I'm "leaving the service area". Oy.

Or maybe my building is really a Faraday cage.
posted by rtha at 10:48 AM on April 9, 2008

Has anyone made a joke about taking the gun from Heston's cold dead hand yet?

Really?

Ok fine then, has any suggested his corpse be made into soylent green yet?
posted by drezdn at 10:50 AM on April 9, 2008

"Not doing the thing that nobody had ever thought of not doing."
posted by cgc373 at 10:51 AM on April 9, 2008

Burhanistan- considering the fresh content that has been added to markov filter in the last 12 hours by myself, i believe this is just showing a creative retelling, a jazz rift if you will, of my fresh content.

Also, I think markov filter has to properly terminate punctuation, if it starts a phrase with a " or a ( it has to find a closing one also.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:56 AM on April 9, 2008

Man, it's really weird to NOT have this thread in my recent activity. I don't know what to do with myself.

THIS IS UNCHARTED FUCKING TERRITORY, PEOPLE.

WE ARE ALL MAGELLAN!
posted by dersins at 10:56 AM on April 9, 2008

Hey, dersins, try to tell a story whyncha.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:57 AM on April 9, 2008

a jazz rift

THAT'S THE GAPING VOID SEPARATING KENNY G FROM MUSIC
posted by dersins at 11:00 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Markovfilter does not cater to your petty desires for terminal puntuation or closed markup pairs. Markovfilter is a purer creature, a context free grammarian. You unmatched parentheses are the blood coursing through its veins.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:00 AM on April 9, 2008

Magellan was a fucking wimp.

Shackleton is the hardass man.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:02 AM on April 9, 2008

Grammarian reminds of Grammaton, which reminds me of Christian Bale, which reminds of of Red Dawn, which reminds me of Warner Herzog, which reminds me of steam powered boats, which reminds me of steamboat willy.

)
)
)
)
)
)
(
(
]
[
[
¿
posted by mrzarquon at 11:05 AM on April 9, 2008

When I was in third grade I had a thought that freaked me right the fuck out. I realized that "I" was just the voice that I hear inside my head, ie. my thoughts. Then I wondered if anyone else had that voice inside their head, or how I could really tell. I didn't really find anything close to an answer for this until I was in college, but still the idea of losing that voice scares me.

Also, boobs.
posted by drezdn at 11:06 AM on April 9, 2008

Hey, dersins, try to tell a story whyncha.

NO MORE STORIES FOR YOU! YOU FUCKFACES KEPT RUINING THEM BY COMMENTING IN THE MIDDLE! DAMN YOUR EYES!
posted by dersins at 11:06 AM on April 9, 2008

My job is holding a contest for people to write six word memoirs. I think they should follow it up with a six word biography contest.

Lincoln
Good President, but bad bullet dodger
posted by drezdn at 11:08 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Operatic death metal is so awesome...

Therion people Therion. Wagner would have peed him self with germanic joy.
posted by drezdn at 11:14 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Chuck Heston:
Damned dirty apes; hands cooled, pried.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:15 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Reagan

Shitty president, slightly better bullet dodger.
posted by dersins at 11:15 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

himself... himself... It's always important to use proper grammar when suggesting someone would have peed themselves.
posted by drezdn at 11:15 AM on April 9, 2008

Napoleon
Conquered Europe; brandy named after him.
posted by languagehat at 11:16 AM on April 9, 2008

Speaking of Wagner...
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:17 AM on April 9, 2008

Is there a way to get an MP3 of just the audio from a flash/youtube video?
posted by drezdn at 11:20 AM on April 9, 2008

Napoleon Dynamite:
Did whatever he wanted to, gosh.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:20 AM on April 9, 2008

One thing I've always wondered about Klangklangston... I know he writes for Hustler/Barely Legal, but does he just write the filler or the Erotica too? And do you think Keyser Souze is OK nowadays? Are xteraco and frozen still together?

Where does one get giant donuts?
posted by drezdn at 11:22 AM on April 9, 2008

As someone who was around Metafilter/blogging since before the Gawker people, I'm kind of pissed that I didn't think of it first.

It's like blogging distilled to it's most advertising-friendly self.
posted by drezdn at 11:26 AM on April 9, 2008

So this just started bugging me the other day. In English, we draw a distinction between geese and ducks, beans and peas, alligators and crocodiles (and caymans, but let's leave them out).

In Japanese, there's one word for beans and peas, one word for crocs and gators. When I was teaching English in Japan, a student asked me what the difference between beans and peas was, and frankly, I couldn't tell him. Isn't a black-eyed pea really more bean-like? And aren't edamame rather pea-like?

But here's the thing: Japanese does distinguish between geese and ducks, and frankly, I'm not sure what features reliably differentiate them. Have you ever seen a Muscovy Duck? Looks pretty goose-like to me. The fact that English and Japanese have these coincident categories for waterfowl but not giant reptiles or legumes really confounds me.
posted by adamrice at 11:28 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

- His pen name is 'Marquis de Suds'
- Keyser Soze is the meth cook at a post-hippie commune in South Dakota
- xteraco and fr0zen merged into a single monstrous entity at the end of Akira
- Voodoo Doughnuts
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:29 AM on April 9, 2008

The thing I like about Wagner? He kept Nietzsche around to run errands for him, and Nietzche acted like his houseboy because he was so in love with Wagner's wife.

Take that, you nerdy, syphilitic faux-ubermensch.
posted by dersins at 11:29 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Since I'm adopted, there's three things that concern me/I've wondered about...

I've always wondered what my birth parents are/were like, but I feel like it would be a snub to my real parents (ie. non-biological) to find out right now. I wonder how much of who I am is nature and how much is nature. I'm a big reader but my real parents aren't. I'm into building stuff/making things but not so with my real parents. I have asthma but my real parents don't...

Also, I wonder if I would feel closer to my cousins/relatives if I was biologically related to them.

The other thing is ethnic identity... I have some idea what countries my birth and real parents came from, but no one ethnicity to grab onto. It feels like I'm missing the fun of having that one cultural identity that I can cling to.
posted by drezdn at 11:31 AM on April 9, 2008

adamrice, you should take some time to canvas the waterfowl distinction in all major world languages and see what you come up with. That's make for a pretty wild goose chase.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:32 AM on April 9, 2008

Do the Japanese have gators/crocodiles?
posted by drezdn at 11:33 AM on April 9, 2008

LOL WILD GOOSE CHASE.
posted by dersins at 11:34 AM on April 9, 2008

Just FYI, I'm in the personal revelations phase of the thread (it could also be because I didn't get enough sleep last night, but a giant over-priced mountain dew will do that to you).
posted by drezdn at 11:35 AM on April 9, 2008

Oh, man, I'm sorry that a shitty "LOL WILD GOOSE CHASE" comment turned out to be comment #3200. That was mostly an accident.

Mostly.
posted by dersins at 11:36 AM on April 9, 2008

My wife can tell the difference between Geese and Ducks, but I still have trouble with it.
posted by drezdn at 11:36 AM on April 9, 2008

She, however, gets lost within a few blocks of our apartment while I've navigated all the way to the East Coast with a 30 year old road atlas, so I've got that going for me, which is good.
posted by drezdn at 11:38 AM on April 9, 2008

Ducks are the ones where you lower your head, enabling something to pass directly over it. Geese are the ones where someone grabs your ass.

FYI.

HTH.
posted by dersins at 11:39 AM on April 9, 2008

Also, ducks stay sitting down, but geese have to get up and chase you around the circle until you sit down in the spot they vacated.
posted by dersins at 11:40 AM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

For the achewood fans out there, am I the only one that really wants Cornelius's British Computer?
posted by drezdn at 11:41 AM on April 9, 2008

My seven year metaversary is coming up at the end of April, I wonder how I should celebrate.

-Fish down the pants?
-Try to catch up to Delmoi's comment total?
-Spend a day outside?
-Register a commemorative sock puppet?
-Ask Askme?
-Drinking.
posted by drezdn at 11:44 AM on April 9, 2008

No one ever says "I wish I would have blogged more" on their death bed.

It's true. Look it up.
posted by drezdn at 11:52 AM on April 9, 2008

No one ever says "I wish I would have blogged more" on their death bed.

It's true. They say "I wish I had blogged more."

/pet peeve (sorry - I have to feed the pet peeves occasionally, or they get cranky and bitey)
posted by rtha at 12:21 PM on April 9, 2008

^ 3-2-1-0 ^
posted by danOstuporStar at 12:29 PM on April 9, 2008

every comment is, at the time of its submission, the highest comment ever in metafilter history.

therefore every comment is interesting.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:34 PM on April 9, 2008

or atleast, no comment is uninteresting
posted by mrzarquon at 12:34 PM on April 9, 2008

According to Google, here are some of things on or at or doing which people have claimed that no one on their deathbed ever said they wish they'd spent more time:

- on gurn
- with the tories
- alone with my computer
- with my family, and less time building supercool high-tech robots to hurtle across the desert in a winner-takes-all race for million-dollar stakes
- watching TV
- hating Nominet
- dusting
- arm-wrestling with Gordon Brown
- in school
- cleaning
- on acting lessons

Along with that happy bouquet of negative assertions, there's a truckload of the more canonical for to be found:

- at work
- at the office
- in the office
- at the factory
- on my business

But, honestly, nobody on their deathbed ever said "I wish I'd spent more time canvassing examples of the canonical form of the deathbed-wish-I'd-spent-more-time trope".
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:35 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

also, two more people have marked this thread as favorite, increasing the favorites score to 38.

is this just to track it now that it has fallen off their RA page?

I have this thread set as my homepage.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:36 PM on April 9, 2008

Now its up to 39, possibly 40 by the time i hit submit
posted by mrzarquon at 12:39 PM on April 9, 2008

You know, fuck it, I'm reposting that comment on my blog.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:39 PM on April 9, 2008

k
posted by mrzarquon at 12:41 PM on April 9, 2008

I'm reposting that comment on my blog.

Hey-- what happens in Sans quoi stays in Sans quoi.
posted by dersins at 12:48 PM on April 9, 2008

Also:

Metafilter: Ugh. Ban with extreme prejudice.
posted by dersins at 12:49 PM on April 9, 2008

You know what kind of numbers I really like?
posted by dersins at 1:00 PM on April 9, 2008

Palindromes. Like 3223.
posted by dersins at 1:01 PM on April 9, 2008

Technically it mostly happened on google, so eff that.

Actually, I think I might repost significant portions of my contributions to this thread as a series of blog entries.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:09 PM on April 9, 2008

They are only called palindromes when they are Strings.

If you want numbers, cast it to Capicua.

In Spanish (and at least Cataln, not sure about Portuguese), we distinguish between symmetrical strings and symmetrical numbers.

Capicua (origin catalão): A number that remains the same when its digits are inverted.
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:36 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

OMG HOW IS THIS THING STILL ALIVE? I haven't read the intervening 500 or so comments since my internet crapped out last night, so I'm sure this has been discussed at length but HOLY CRAP.

I can't decide whether to be creeped out (z0mbie thr34d!) or elated (Lazarus!)... It doesn't show up in Recent Activity either.

Maybe this really is purgatory/nugatory and we're all stuck here? Getting a very frozen longboat, silence-at-the-Arctic-Circle, Rime of the Ancient Mariner, unstuck in time kind of feeling here.

I won't be able to comment again for another 2 hours or so, very eager to read those 500 cmts. Love you all, my bros in arms - maybe our frozen bodies will be discovered at the bottom of this ocean, on the day the oceans dry up and we see the sun again.
posted by LobsterMitten at 1:38 PM on April 9, 2008

Technically, it should be written cap-i-cua. (Which, for the noncatalanophones in the audience, means 'head-and-tail.')
posted by languagehat at 1:41 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

LobsterMitten, I'm glad you're back with us, but you interrupted a very important conversation Dr. Curare and I were having about Catalan orthography.
posted by languagehat at 1:42 PM on April 9, 2008

oh LobsterMitten, you have returned!

in short, I ran up over 3k comments by using 8 tabs in safari, at first actually to provide you with conclusions for your students (because I thought it was a neat concept, and I had just finished drinking and watching the venture brothers), and it kind of went down hill from there. Also because I wanted to hit 3k before going to sleep, since we are usually sparse on the 3rd shift posting here. Wendell helped also.

Then it turns out cortex lied to us, and its a "logical month" before a thread closes, so instead of 30 days (which is when it is culled from recent activity), it is from the 8th of Month A to the 8th of Month B. So we still have until tomorrow morning to keep posting.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:43 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Did anyone ever figure out what relationshipfilter question Jessamyn asked?
posted by drezdn at 1:49 PM on April 9, 2008

In a sense, the fact that the thread is active but not showing up in Recent Activity makes this about the truest longboat we've had since RA caught on with the masses.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:51 PM on April 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Geese are (usually) larger than ducks. Geese males and females (in most cases) have the same coloration, duck males and females (almost always) have different coloration and size. Geese (commonly) make a 'honk', while (most) duck (females) sound like 'quack'. Ducks feed (almost) exclusively in the water, while (most) geese graze on land. (Most species of) geese have feet that are more webbed than those of (almost every species of) ducks. Skinless (domesticated) duck meat contains 90% of the fat for the same weight of skinless (domesticated) goose fat. Neither geese nor ducks are either turkeys or swans (normally).

Peas and beans? All peas are beans, not all beans are peas. All beans are Leguminosae, to be a pea, you have to be a Pisum. And if you are Pisum sativum, you have a hollow stem and are difficult to separate from the rice and the carrots.
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:53 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Language fact that you should be aware of:

'longboat' is an anagram of 'bong a lot'.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:55 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also, 'lobo gnat', a monster of an insect that is native to Iceland and spawn in hemp plants. This is an amazing coincidence.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:58 PM on April 9, 2008

So. Yeah. We're still here.

(shuffles feet)

I saw librarina eating at Agua Verde today. Didn't think to say hello. Probably should have.
posted by dw at 1:58 PM on April 9, 2008

'lob a tong' was a popular sport among the Vikings, but this fact is largely unrelated to the previous points as it was generally played during the enty-hibernatory months of winter and the use of performance-altering drugs was strictly prohibited besides.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:01 PM on April 9, 2008

Languagehat:

It is true, the word as I know it has the Catalan -> Argentinian -> Mexican route. Between Argentina and Mexico, the ú turned to u. Argentinians are always placing accents where they don't belong, anyway.

My Catalan coworker's (we speak in English, if we got colloquial, we can't understand each other's Spanish) answer to my spelling query: "Spell it however the fuck you want, you can spell it KA-PYKU-A for all I care. Don't you I am trying to merge to main, we have to PUSH TODAY, and [name witheld] is a fucking ros de quoniam"
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:03 PM on April 9, 2008

lobo gnats are what you see when you've bonged a lot.

Trust me. I know.
posted by rtha at 2:04 PM on April 9, 2008

Wendell helped also.
Not so loud. I have a headache. I stayed up til 4AM, posting Markov-related content just to keep the thread from developing rigor commentus, ran into cortex sleepwalking (he probably doesn't even remember it happening - he wears pajamas with feet), and then slept for 10 hours, having a long, involved, and very stupid dream about being drafted into an army of game show contestants and woke up with a headache. How could I have a hangover when I don't drink! Ow, me. Not so loud.
posted by wendell at 2:06 PM on April 9, 2008

There was one famous incident however when the anti-intoxicant rules of the sport were bent rather badly by the replacement of one team's non-alcoholic grog keg with an illicit egg-and-beer substance during the 1283 season semifinals. While the replacement liquid wasn't high-octane enough to leave the duped team legally drunk, what alcohol was present, combined with the heaviness of the drink itself, made for the Viking equivilant of headlines, known for years after as the 'nog bloat' incident.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:07 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Lt. Oboa Ng was a hero of the Spanish American war. Of mixed Vietnamese and Cameroonian ancestry, he served in the Rough Riders under Colonel Leonard Wood (and, of course, Lt. Col. Teddy Roosevelt), and distinguished himself in the Battle of San Juan Hill, in which he singlehandedly stupefied an entire Spanish platoon with his lengthy and nonsensical commentary.
posted by dersins at 2:11 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

longboat also transforms into "goon blat", which is appropriate because I was listening to GoonShowRadio last night to embellish my senseof the absurd, which is probably why I have a headache now.
posted by wendell at 2:11 PM on April 9, 2008

dw- I think stet works in the building across from me in Bellevue, and we share the same common small deli area, so I keep thinking I am going to run into him there.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:12 PM on April 9, 2008

too bad it isn't "longboad" because that would transform to both "bald goon" and "gonad lab".
posted by wendell at 2:13 PM on April 9, 2008

Longboat(en) -> chaloupe(fr) -> chalupa(es) only anagrams to: Culpa ha

FAULT AHOY!
or
GUILT AHOY!

How appropiate.
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:14 PM on April 9, 2008

GEFELTE OY
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:16 PM on April 9, 2008

Oh how will this thread end? With a whimper or a bang?
posted by drezdn at 2:25 PM on April 9, 2008

I encountered a 31-days-in-the-month thread closing with the semi-beloved "Blogstop" thread. And although I love the concept of "logical months" in a Vulcan Calendar, I think it might be better described as a "practical month". Just because Spock would not approve of the whole way we humans designed our months. He'd be much happier with the Aztec Calendar, even though he was/will be* fictionally born a few hundred years AFTER it ended. And don't get me started on Star Trek's "stardates". Whose decision was/will be* when that count begins/began/begoon?

*Is there a Sci-Fi parsing of "be" for the future past participle? Paging languagehat!
posted by wendell at 2:26 PM on April 9, 2008

THIS CHICKEN IS AWESOME-LOOKING! I WANT ONE!
posted by dersins at 2:28 PM on April 9, 2008

Heh. Bearded white silkie cock. Heh.
posted by dersins at 2:30 PM on April 9, 2008

If I were to suggest that we could break 4K - or even equal the number of American troops killed in Iraq when the tread closes (currently 4021) - would I walk the plank on the longboat?
posted by wendell at 2:33 PM on April 9, 2008

A chicken? Does that go along with the geese and ducks from earlier? If so, chicks and ducks and geese better scurry when I take you out in the surrey... when I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top ...

I thought I'd missed my opportunity to add that. Thanks, dersins
posted by wendell at 2:36 PM on April 9, 2008

A plank on a longboat?

You would need a palindromic longboat, with someone else walking the counterplank at the same rate as you walk the plank, or the longboat will tip, and there will be fault.
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:45 PM on April 9, 2008

palindromic_longboat = new Palindrome(String(new Longboat(15931)));

Otherwise you end up with a proa-i-popa -> proaipopá -> proaiopa -> proaipopaic longboat
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:52 PM on April 9, 2008

One time, after I'd been out birding at a place with lots of geese and ducks, I got hungry.

So I went and got some duck soup. True story.

Another time, we went to the aquarium. After several hours of looking at beautiful (live) fish, we were hungry. So we went up the street and got sushi. Also a true story.
posted by rtha at 2:55 PM on April 9, 2008

You know what this extension of thread-life means?
posted by languagehat at 3:02 PM on April 9, 2008

I think Transformers exist in just about the same way as Numbers do.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:03 PM on April 9, 2008

With a whimper or a bang?

With a Whopper and a bong.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:03 PM on April 9, 2008

It means I'll be able to report on the risotto experiment right here in this thread, and share the joy with my fellow longboaters!
posted by languagehat at 3:03 PM on April 9, 2008

As long as you eat it tonight!

But how serendipitous!
posted by mrzarquon at 3:06 PM on April 9, 2008

Risotto question here; yummy-sounding response from desuetude here. Arancini di risotto, baby!
posted by languagehat at 3:06 PM on April 9, 2008

The prime numbers will become Optimus Prime numbers

We dig Optimus Prime and not Galvatron,
We dig "The Leader of the Pack" and "Da-Doo-Run-Run"
Spinderella and Bruce Lee, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"
"V for Vendetta" and "Into the Groovy"
posted by dersins at 3:07 PM on April 9, 2008

My wife is dredging the risotto balls as we speak.
posted by languagehat at 3:07 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Or as we type. Whatever. We're going to have them with pasta e fagioli, which I love beyond reason. Viva l'Italia!
posted by languagehat at 3:08 PM on April 9, 2008

Can u dig it?
posted by dersins at 3:09 PM on April 9, 2008

Hey, why does the firefox spellcheck think both "firefox" and "spellcheck" are misspellings?
posted by dersins at 3:11 PM on April 9, 2008

My wife is dredging the risotto balls as we speak.

*Exercises superhuman self-control, refrains from comment*
posted by dersins at 3:12 PM on April 9, 2008

That may be the first time anyone in this thread has exercised self-control of any kind. Well done!
posted by languagehat at 3:17 PM on April 9, 2008

L' arancina (o arancinu) è una dî spicialità di la cucina siciliana ntra li cchiù canusciuti. Si tratta di na palla di risu, di 8-10 centìmitri, jinchiuta di na cumpusizzioni di sarsa, di furmaggiu picurinu, nu pezzu nicu di carni e, a voti, nu quartu di ovu duru o piseddi, lu tuttu misu a friiri nta l'ogghiu. Na vota ca lu risu arriva a aviri lu culuri di n'arancia, si pô nèsciri e si pô manciari.
posted by languagehat at 3:19 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I exercised superhuman self-control in your wife.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:25 PM on April 9, 2008

I thought the plank on a longboat would stick out over the end of the boat, not the side.
posted by wendell at 3:27 PM on April 9, 2008

Hi, Mrs. Languagehat! I'm sorry about that! Also, it's weird on my head that you exist because I imagine lhat as a hermitous bachelor!
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:27 PM on April 9, 2008

Some people might have gone with the word 'hermetic' there, but I know better in that that word used as a modifier is generally reserved for certain aquatic mammals.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:31 PM on April 9, 2008

It's a lie. He's not sorry at all.

Also, cortex, YM "an hermitious bachelor." HTH.
posted by dersins at 3:31 PM on April 9, 2008

Hermitious Bachelor was the author of a series of popular books for young boys in the 1920's, "The Various Adventures of the Basset Hound Fellows" (later stolen by both Disney comics for the 'Beagle Boys' and PBS's 3-2-1-Contact for the 'Bloodhound Gang').
posted by wendell at 3:59 PM on April 9, 2008

Somebody is hermitosis' bachelor? What?
posted by rtha at 4:03 PM on April 9, 2008

DON'T BE HERMITOSIS-IST, RTHA
posted by dersins at 4:10 PM on April 9, 2008

this is the ascii drawing i meant to make:

=== <------this is where u suck
| |
| | Y <-----this is the bowl
/___\/
/*** /\
/*****\
/******\
=======
WHY THE FU*KING HELL WON'T THE FU*KING ASCII FU*KING WORK
the *s are water

oh and i meant suck thru water
posted by danOstuporStar at 4:11 PM on April 9, 2008

Wow -I've just spent 45 min catching up. mrzarquon and wendell - laurel garlands for you both. You have the will of the warrior.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:11 PM on April 9, 2008

Also, soon I am destined for my reward of huevos rancheros and a strong margarita. But I want to hear about the risotto.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:14 PM on April 9, 2008

I can't believe this is still here. Cannot believe. Go team.

We should get jackets.
posted by pineapple at 4:16 PM on April 9, 2008

THAT'S NOT ANNOYING AT ALL, DANO-- NOT AT ALL! I LOVE GIANT BLINKY LINKY ASCII ART!
posted by dersins at 4:17 PM on April 9, 2008

risotto doesn't go well with huevos rancheros. I know from experience.
posted by wendell at 4:17 PM on April 9, 2008

LobsterMitten- what I really want to know is, will you use one of my conclusions for your exams? Because that would be awesome.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:21 PM on April 9, 2008

Everything goes with huevos rancheros, Wendell.
posted by dersins at 4:21 PM on April 9, 2008

THAT'S NOT ANNOYING AT ALL, DANO-- NOT AT ALL! I LOVE GIANT BLINKY LINKY ASCII ART!

          _           _     _                      _     _          | |         | |   | |                    (_)   | |__      _| |__   __ _| |_  | |__   ___   ___  __ _ _  __| |\ \ /\ / / '_ \ / _` | __| | '_ \ / _ \ / __|/ _` | |/ _` | \ V  V /| | | | (_| | |_  | | | |  __/ \__ \ (_| | | (_| |  \_/\_/ |_| |_|\__,_|\__| |_| |_|\___| |___/\__,_|_|\__,_|

posted by cortex (staff) at 4:25 PM on April 9, 2008

That's sure blinky, cortex, but it's not linky at all.

FAIL.
posted by dersins at 4:44 PM on April 9, 2008

Everything goes with huevos rancheros

This is true.
posted by languagehat at 4:45 PM on April 9, 2008

And that was 3300.
posted by languagehat at 4:45 PM on April 9, 2008

That's sure blinky, cortex, but it's not linky at all.

May I just slip in a small word of encouragement to people to use links rather than pasting entire multipage articles (or entire song lyrics with every last repetition transcribed, etc) into threads? Please do. Thanks.
posted by languagehat at 4:46 PM on April 9, 2008

That's sure blinky, cortex, but it's not linky at all.

I think you will find that that is just not true.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:00 PM on April 9, 2008

There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying. He gets himself up onto one elbow and turns to his mates, who are all gathered around and he says:

Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed,
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed
Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool
Altogether now!

Take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back
Altogether now!

Let me abos go loose, Lew
Let me abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lew
So let me abos go loose
Altogether now!

And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
Altogether now!

Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot thru, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Altogether now!

Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!!
Altogether now!
posted by wendell at 5:10 PM on April 9, 2008

Why isn't Chuck in charge of the platypus?
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:15 PM on April 9, 2008

Last time they put Chuck in charge of taking care of an animal it was the dodo, and we all know how that ended.
posted by dersins at 5:24 PM on April 9, 2008

In Japanese, there's one word for beans and peas, one word for crocs and gators.

Yeah, any multilingual person keeps noticing these things. Of course you learn to work with and around them, but they (for me at least) always induce a slight cognitive dissonance when using the uses-one-word-for-this language, a slight "I could be more specific" in the back of one's head. Most boggling to me:

French balançoire -> swing or seesaw
Dutch schuld -> guilt or debt
Dutch herkennen, erkennen -> to recognize (to identify from knowledge), to recognize (to accept as valid)

And as far as false friends go, "soy embarazado" is always high on the list with anglophones.

Lastly, every Dutch delights in the question, "what is the opposite of 'not'?".

I'll quit with the anecdotal linguistic tidbitterisms now lest I rile the Hat. :)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:27 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Are you kidding? I love anecdotal linguistic tidbitterisms. As long as they're accurate, which yours are. It's the fake misterioso "stra-a-a-ange foreign words!" that I hate. Like that supposed Russian word for when somebody used to love you but they don't any more, or all those "untranslatable" words for homesickness or some fucking thing.
posted by languagehat at 5:31 PM on April 9, 2008

Game, set, match.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:34 PM on April 9, 2008

PULITZER i'm gonna go get some sushi
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:35 PM on April 9, 2008

I know, lh, j/k, forthelulz, and all that. Although I do still firmly believe that Mefites have exactly (+/- 2) 49 words for snark.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:37 PM on April 9, 2008

tidbitterism(s)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:42 PM on April 9, 2008

will you use one of my conclusions for your exams?

I might. I've copy-pasted them, along with dersins', into a file that I will be looking through later. The problem is whenever I try things that I think are goofy or funny my students get confused and feel trapped. So, I need to be careful. But yes, probably.

gnfti: salty licorice? yes or no?

now off to get my hard-earned suppah...
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:46 PM on April 9, 2008

3333 is the next milestone comment. 20 to go til that...
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:47 PM on April 9, 2008

i'm gonna go get some sushi

Where?
posted by dersins at 5:50 PM on April 9, 2008

Feeling confused and trapped is good for students. It gives them something to think about besides their hormones.
posted by languagehat at 5:55 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I am making matzoh ball soup to ease the pain of WordPress's new admin interface being ugly and badly designed. I am going to eat it and watch Helvetica and dream about elegant lines.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:01 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

The fonts of my dreams always have serifs.
posted by dersins at 6:21 PM on April 9, 2008

gnfti: salty licorice? yes or no?

Hell yeah. Drop it like it's very, very salty.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:22 PM on April 9, 2008

I had a chicken schnitzel for breakfast. It was very oily and now I feel sick. I had a coke zero with it so at least I won't get fat! I've just got back from dropping the children off: one to kindy and the other to another set of grandparents. I lugged a 20kg bag of potting mix for my stepmum because she's not able to lift for fear of her uterus falling out, and I'd hate to have that happen because I think my child, a playful little tyke, would lose his sense of wonder if confronted with one of his Granny Jill's internal organs. I'm supposed to be learning lines for the play that I'll be appearing in in 3 weeks time, "Enter a Free Man" by Tom Stoppard. I play the long suffering wife. I'm supposed to have a cockney accent but the fact that I did "Shirley Valentine" a few years ago with a northern English accent (undetermined but I copied Lister from Red Dwarf a lot) makes it very difficult to say "she works in Fancy Goods now. Have you been in? The other girl in Fancy Goods sort of works under her" with a cockney accent. So once I've finished typing in here, I guess I'll get back to it. I've got rehearsal tonight. The director is going to be unhappy with me if my lines aren't learned. Anyway, thanks for listening and may the wind of a thousand camels blow softly through your armpit hairs.
posted by h00py at 6:49 PM on April 9, 2008

WordPress's new admin interface being ugly and badly designed.

The Open Sourcers behind WP hired Zeldman and the Happy Cogs to come up with a more "professional" look. You had to know that would not wendell.

And I don't care who knows, I still love my Bookman.
posted by wendell at 6:55 PM on April 9, 2008

Where?

Bush Garden.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:03 PM on April 9, 2008

I can't stick around too much but because I have no idea when Sans quoi? is going to go away, I just had to say,

this is very important,

wait for it,

BARNGA
posted by pineapple at 7:10 PM on April 9, 2008

A game about inter-cultural awareness?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:15 PM on April 9, 2008

oh my, I am a cheap drunk.
1 margarita = plenty effective for me
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:21 PM on April 9, 2008

So, h00py, wth is the deal with your profile photo?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:22 PM on April 9, 2008

gnfti, help me with my intercultural awareness. The only time I have had the salty licorice I couldn't take it, WAY too salty, had to take it out of my mouth. What am I doing wrong? Is there a conceptual shift I need? Do the Dutch like other things way too salty?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:24 PM on April 9, 2008

pineapple: BARNGA. The Boxboro Area Regional Network of Gettin' Around?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:26 PM on April 9, 2008

The arancini were fan-fucking-tastic. I owe you one, desuetude. Listen up, everybody, if you have leftover risotto, you now know what to do thanks to our longboat chef, desuetude. I wound up leaving most of the pastafazool (hey, it reheats easy) and gorging on those fluffy little fatballs.

[blush] Aww, gee, thanks. (longboat chef. tee hee.)

I just tried to explain this thread and why I was chuckling over it to my SO. He has no idea what I'm trying to explain, but easily agrees that arancini are the bomb.

While I make risotto approximately weekly, I sadly rarely have leftovers. I mean, sad because no good excuse for arancini. Happy because risotto is so easy and so very good that we happily slurp it all down (bonus: utilizing leftovers or getting-past-prime antipasti.)

I'm leaving for a business trip in the morning and therefore may not be able to return before the end of this thread (if it ever ends.) Salut, friends.
posted by desuetude at 7:26 PM on April 9, 2008

Last night I fell asleep trying to catch up on what's been going on the last couple of days here. Tonight no such attempt will be made.
Love ya.
This is an entertaining sidetrack to what is so far been a crap-tacular week for me.

But made one of my best chicken noodle soups evar tonight.
posted by readery at 7:27 PM on April 9, 2008

About this thread having dropped off of Recent Activity:
But some threads stay in Recent Activity longer, right? I know I have gotten updates from AskMe threads that are a couple months old if someone pops in with another answer. Maybe that's just Ask?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:28 PM on April 9, 2008

readery, you could redeem your week by setting an arbitary numerical goal for this thread and helping to achieve it. In the thread all weeks can be good weeks!
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:30 PM on April 9, 2008

3333?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:31 PM on April 9, 2008

It's a picture of my niece's scary alien teeth. Her baby teeth hadn't fallen out and her new ones were coming through and I thought it looked very cool. My teeth are much, much scarier.
posted by h00py at 7:32 PM on April 9, 2008

Yes it was 3333!

So readery, what's your secret for great soup?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:32 PM on April 9, 2008

Those are some seriously scary alien teeth. That's awesome. Was she proud of them, I hope?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:34 PM on April 9, 2008

wait, so, gnfti, you said "drop it like it's very very salty"... does this mean I'm meant to spit it out?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:40 PM on April 9, 2008

Having had one drink always makes me want fruit-flavored hard candy. So I'm finally dipping into those orange Tootsie pops.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:42 PM on April 9, 2008

Zebras are the loneliest number.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:44 PM on April 9, 2008

She loved them! She was very sad when the baby teeth finally fell out and had to be handed to the Tooth Fairy (hopefully she was reimbursed sufficiently).
posted by h00py at 7:49 PM on April 9, 2008

Nah. I'm not going to get all "acquired taste" on ya, it's more a love-it-or-hate-it affair methinks, even among Dutch. If you've tried it, say, ten times and still don't like it, well, then it's just not for you I guess.

In which case, I just don't get you maaahn.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:50 PM on April 9, 2008

Good girl.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:50 PM on April 9, 2008

gnfti, I was hoping there was some secret thing I was missing - like, you always have to douse it in spirits first or something. ah well.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:52 PM on April 9, 2008

So last night before my internets evaporated, I was asking for examples of arguments for my class. And this morning when I woke up, I grabbed the pad and pen by my bed and wrote up a several-pronged argument for why you shouldn't declaw a cat. Thinking, hey this is a great idea, the students will really dig this.

Yeah. The Mefi-influenced early-morning ideas, not always the best ideas. It might still end up on a handout though.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:56 PM on April 9, 2008

salty liquorice or bust
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:05 PM on April 9, 2008

Staying up late is one thing, working afternoons and evenings is another. By which I mean to say, I won't be here if and when this thing closes tomorrow, assuming it will.

Good night and good luck. As always, aim for Iceland.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:06 PM on April 9, 2008

Back to talk soup - had to help with homework.

Roast chicken yesterday, for stock Carcass + top half of celery + a couple of yellow onions, skin and all simmering overnight.
Drain stock. I had a lot of meat on left on the bird so with egg noodles and some veggies it was just very pleasant to come home to.

Will this end tonight?

3550 maybe?
posted by readery at 8:12 PM on April 9, 2008

This slowness, currently, is like how it's good to have someone else near you in a footrace, to spur you to catch up with them.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:12 PM on April 9, 2008

Mmm, readery,that would sound so good if I weren' so full of beans, eggs, rice, salsa etc. Oooo.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:14 PM on April 9, 2008

I love cooking soup 'cause each time you get a slightly different product, the soup is better the second day, and it's one thing that at least for me, improves with age - my age, that is.

I have a chunk of ham + bone in the freezer waiting to be turned into 15 bean soup.
posted by readery at 8:26 PM on April 9, 2008

Why hast thou forsaken 15931?

I was busy making and eating dinner. An omelet and a glass of wine. Best quick weeknight dinner ever.

Well, maybe not best, but certainly one of the best ease-of-making-to-deliciousness ratios out there.
posted by dersins at 8:59 PM on April 9, 2008

Bush Garden

Wow, I haven't been there since the 90's. Is the sushi any good? I have no recollection except of how awesome it is inside. Or was. Is it still awesome?
posted by dersins at 9:03 PM on April 9, 2008

You would.
posted by dersins at 9:15 PM on April 9, 2008

The sushi is still good. Best sushi in walking distance of our apartment, anyway, though Takahashi retains its own unique charm. There are a few new shitty places downtown, too.

It's still nice inside, with the sushi bar up front and the tatami rooms in the back and nice dining sort of in the middle, though for all that we usually sit in the lounge because it's comfier and we're willing to put up with the really shitty service there.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:19 PM on April 9, 2008

And with that, I'll take my leave from this strange coda. Good night again, stars and air.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:27 PM on April 9, 2008

dw- I think stet works in the building across from me in Bellevue, and we share the same common small deli area, so I keep thinking I am going to run into him there.

I realized later that he was at the table as well. Which makes me even sillier for not at least saying hello.
posted by dw at 9:33 PM on April 9, 2008

Best sushi in walking distance of our apartment, anyway

Wait, a minute-- you live near PSU, right? Isn't Murata within walking distance of your apartment? Murata is ++ good, at least when the older gentleman is behing the sushi bar.

Or take the streetcar to Hiroshi, which is truly exceptional.
posted by dersins at 9:35 PM on April 9, 2008

(I'm really picky about sushi, in case you couldn't tell...)
posted by dersins at 9:36 PM on April 9, 2008

Where we stand comment-wise:

+ - Indicates Hall of Famer. Bold indicates active player
* - bats left-handed, # - switch hits, ? - unknown, else - bats right-handed 

Rank	Player			Hits	Bats
1.	Pete Rose# 		4256	B
2.	Ty Cobb+* 		4189	L
3.	Hank Aaron+ 		3771	R
4.	Stan Musial+* 		3630	L
5.	Tris Speaker+* 		3514	L
6.	Carl Yastrzemski+* 	3419	L
7.	Cap Anson+ 		3418	R
8.	Honus Wagner+ 		3415	R
8.	15931# 			3365	R
10.	Paul Molitor+ 		3319	R

posted by dw at 9:39 PM on April 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

That's all wrong, dw. 15931 is totally a switch hitter.
posted by dersins at 9:45 PM on April 9, 2008

Also, is totally an active player.
posted by dersins at 9:48 PM on April 9, 2008

I am back online, and ready to schlog the final few miles of the shallows, dragging the longboat behind me to its final resting place halfway up the mountains so that future web archeologists can discover it and incorrectly date it, not as 2008, but somewhere around 2068 after sea level has risen by several hundred feet. And if the sea level never does rise by several hundred feet, some of the archeologists will take it as proof that it really did.
posted by wendell at 9:58 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I can't decide who I hate more: whoever thought it would be a good idea to have baseball games indoors, or future web archaeologists.

Discuss.
posted by dersins at 10:03 PM on April 9, 2008

Gingerbeer always eats all the pickled ginger. Eponysterical, right?

We had sushi for dinner, too. It was fine. Not stellar, but it's a quick place to get dinner before we go to class, and they have happy hour specials for both beer and food, so dinner + beer for two is less than $20.

Then we went to class, where we're struggling to learn how to identify different kinds of gulls. Nightmare.
posted by rtha at 10:06 PM on April 9, 2008

Oh - baseball games indoors, ftw. I know that, speaking as someone who enjoys baseball in a place where it doesn't rain during baseball season, I shouldn't talk shit about places that have enclosed stadiums due to snow, torrential downpours, tornadoes, hurricanes, etc., but still. Baseball played indoors is just wrong.
posted by rtha at 10:11 PM on April 9, 2008

Those ones you see at the sea? Those are seagulls.

fyi.
posted by dersins at 10:12 PM on April 9, 2008

My goal is to beat Tris Speaker (#5, 3514) before 15931 retires, because he's the highest ranked player I never heard of AND "Tris Speaker" is a kind of a fruity name - but not nearly as fruity as THESE.

Heh heh heh... do you have Prince Albert in a can? No, but we have one in our Pujols...
posted by wendell at 10:18 PM on April 9, 2008

LOLFAGS
posted by dersins at 10:21 PM on April 9, 2008

At least I'm glad 15931 has more comments than MetaFilter got votes here. (Who the @#$% is Beppe Grillo and can we declare war on Italy because of him?)
posted by wendell at 10:24 PM on April 9, 2008

(please note that "LOLFAGS" was intended as shorthand for: "I do not find that aprilwinchell.com piece that wendell linked to to be very funny, since the column reads like an uptight homophobe pointing and saying "them boys there have funny names; them boys must be faggits or somethin'.")
posted by dersins at 10:25 PM on April 9, 2008

You mean Yan Can't Cook? And nobody even noticed that four panels was the marginally smarter one of the gems of this page (my yahoo and one whole channel "in partnership with The Housemates From Hell who actually enjoyed the mostly-Hanna-Barbera cartoons (owned by Turner/Warner/AOL) that aired before Nickelodeon started showing them it COULD be done once, and anyone attempting the same area as the time it went down, I let the cable guy in, so I'm still accepting suggestions for a Russian Gulag... (otherwise good site; eagerly awaiting the content not-yet-linked in the ass.
posted by wendell at 10:28 PM on April 9, 2008

By the powerlessness granted in me, I have experienced the similar feeling that I've copied to my Yahoo Mail account, dumping several hundred rejection notices in my heart (or bank account) if objections by MeFi (and maybe other places I've ever been minimally helpful, I might not be OK" except when you're waiting for you to be our collective "pet dot-com". If you do it right, and you've got 300-400 different tags there, it's too hard to avoid another derail. Little things mean a lot.)
posted by wendell at 10:30 PM on April 9, 2008

Wendell, are you posting MarkovFilter again?

Cheater!
posted by dersins at 10:30 PM on April 9, 2008

I mean, seriously, at least pretend to try, dammit!
posted by dersins at 10:34 PM on April 9, 2008

You don't even have to try very hard.
posted by dersins at 10:35 PM on April 9, 2008

Like this. Does it look like I'mtrying very hard?
posted by dersins at 10:35 PM on April 9, 2008

Because, I'm totally not.
posted by dersins at 10:35 PM on April 9, 2008

Earlier, I think cortex was faking MarkovFilter. Damned genius.

Genius.... or stoned?

I vote stoned.

But what do I know?
posted by dersins at 10:36 PM on April 9, 2008

pac-math
posted by wendell at 10:36 PM on April 9, 2008

But, anyway.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 9, 2008

I should probably stop this.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 9, 2008

I'll run out of tabs eventually.
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 9, 2008

Or will I?
posted by dersins at 10:37 PM on April 9, 2008

It must be annoying.
posted by dersins at 10:38 PM on April 9, 2008

I know I'm annoyed.
posted by dersins at 10:38 PM on April 9, 2008

Sorry.
posted by dersins at 10:39 PM on April 9, 2008

Oh, wait.

No I'm not.
posted by dersins at 10:39 PM on April 9, 2008

I'm utterly remorseless.
posted by dersins at 10:40 PM on April 9, 2008

Like a fucking terminator of multi-tab longboat commentary.
posted by dersins at 10:40 PM on April 9, 2008

Utterly remorseless.
posted by dersins at 10:41 PM on April 9, 2008

Also, unstoppable.
posted by dersins at 10:41 PM on April 9, 2008

An unstoppable juggernaut of pure comment-based destruction, in point of fact.
posted by dersins at 10:42 PM on April 9, 2008

What can I say?
posted by dersins at 10:42 PM on April 9, 2008

That's just how I roll.
posted by dersins at 10:43 PM on April 9, 2008

Yo.
posted by dersins at 10:43 PM on April 9, 2008

(I can talk like that 'cause I'm so street.)
posted by dersins at 10:44 PM on April 9, 2008

(Mad street, in point of fact.)
posted by dersins at 10:44 PM on April 9, 2008

*stops, catches breath*
posted by dersins at 10:44 PM on April 9, 2008

Okay, dersins, from now on, I'll
posted by wendell at 10:50 PM on April 9, 2008

just post six words at a
posted by wendell at 10:52 PM on April 9, 2008

dersins, I'll paypal you USD 1/100th of the total ending comment amount of this thread if you single-handedly beat Pete Rose.

As much as I love the idea, it's not likely to happen. I have to go to work tomorrow and actually be on my game almost first thing. I have a client call at 9AM. I'll do what I can to advance the cause before bed, but I won't be getting us to 4K+ territory.

At least-- NOT WITHOUT HELP. (hint... hint...)
posted by dersins at 10:53 PM on April 9, 2008

OMG wendell you'll hae to do it faster than THAT! Tabs, man! It's all about tabs.
posted by dersins at 10:54 PM on April 9, 2008

time unless I lose track of
posted by wendell at 10:54 PM on April 9, 2008

I'm going to bed very soon. When I wake up, I think this thread will be closed.

I am proud, so very proud, to have served with all of you in this great endeavor.

Thank you, and goodnight.

(and if this thread is still open when I wake up, I'll feel kinda dumb, but I'm used to that.)
posted by rtha at 10:55 PM on April 9, 2008

what I'm trying to say which
posted by wendell at 10:56 PM on April 9, 2008

is somewhat likely since I can only
posted by wendell at 10:58 PM on April 9, 2008

(oops I did seven words that
posted by wendell at 11:00 PM on April 9, 2008

OMG wendell, you are doing this WAY too slowly.
posted by dersins at 11:01 PM on April 9, 2008

time) now where was I? Oh,
posted by wendell at 11:02 PM on April 9, 2008

Start by opening 25 browser tabs.
posted by dersins at 11:02 PM on April 9, 2008

Don't tell me you can't.
posted by dersins at 11:02 PM on April 9, 2008

Can't shouldn't be in your vocabulary.
posted by dersins at 11:02 PM on April 9, 2008

Just fucking open the tabs.
posted by dersins at 11:03 PM on April 9, 2008

And stop whining about "can't."
posted by dersins at 11:03 PM on April 9, 2008

yes, I can only open a
posted by wendell at 11:03 PM on April 9, 2008

Anyway, open up the tabs.
posted by dersins at 11:03 PM on April 9, 2008

Then just start typing in the comment box.
posted by dersins at 11:04 PM on April 9, 2008

Type a sentence.
posted by dersins at 11:04 PM on April 9, 2008

Press "POST COMMENT".
posted by dersins at 11:05 PM on April 9, 2008

Then move on to the next tab.
posted by dersins at 11:05 PM on April 9, 2008

And repeat the process.
posted by dersins at 11:06 PM on April 9, 2008

Ignore the spinny beachball thingy.
posted by dersins at 11:06 PM on April 9, 2008

couple tabs before my computer slows
posted by wendell at 11:07 PM on April 9, 2008

It can't hurt you.
posted by dersins at 11:07 PM on April 9, 2008

How have you never heard of Tris Speaker?!
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:07 PM on April 9, 2008

Your computer, maybe.
posted by dersins at 11:07 PM on April 9, 2008

But not you.
posted by dersins at 11:08 PM on April 9, 2008

to a dead halt. Just two
posted by wendell at 11:08 PM on April 9, 2008

My computer can't do the multiple tabs thing. It gets tired and wheezey.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:09 PM on April 9, 2008

tabs (or separate windows) are not
posted by wendell at 11:09 PM on April 9, 2008

any faster than a single tab.
posted by wendell at 11:10 PM on April 9, 2008

What's on your personal all time list of favorite comedy sketches? (just looked at the nerve.com list; debating this with s.o.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:11 PM on April 9, 2008

Uh, probably.
posted by dersins at 11:12 PM on April 9, 2008

For me, the Kids in the Hall sketch where Dave Foley "has a diseaaaase where he always sounds sarcaaaaastic, no wait, really, it's a terrible affliiiiction" is way up there.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:13 PM on April 9, 2008

May I just slip in a small word of encouragement to people to use Link's Weapons rather than pasting entire multipage articles (or entire song lyrics with every last repetition transcribed, etc) into threads? Please do. Thanks.
posted by wendell at 11:18 PM on April 9, 2008

here - it makes my skin crawl.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:18 PM on April 9, 2008

It's hard to differentiate between comedy sketches while I'm playing GoonShowRadio in the background. So if I refer to dersins as Eccles, LobsterMitten as Bluebottle or cortex as Ray Ellington and His Orchestra, I hope you'll understand.
posted by wendell at 11:24 PM on April 9, 2008

ok, new project: nuts!
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:24 PM on April 9, 2008

wendell: very good.

project: almonds
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:25 PM on April 9, 2008

walnuts
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:26 PM on April 9, 2008

pecans
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:27 PM on April 9, 2008

peanuts
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:28 PM on April 9, 2008

AstroBoy (courtesy of gocomics' C&H reruns)
posted by wendell at 11:29 PM on April 9, 2008

chestnuts
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:29 PM on April 9, 2008

I might tell another story. Would that be OK?
posted by dersins at 11:29 PM on April 9, 2008

nice.

Also: hazelnuts
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:30 PM on April 9, 2008

Would it?
posted by dersins at 11:31 PM on April 9, 2008

yes, please another story. I'll hold off on the nuts project for now if you like.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:31 PM on April 9, 2008

OK, story time again (then bedtime, dammit.)

NICHOLAS

It was bright and sunny out but it was cold and Nicholas couldn’t get the door open to go inside the place where his Mom was because it was too heavy.
posted by dersins at 11:34 PM on April 9, 2008

A lady came by and stopped and watched him.

She laughed. “Why do you want to go in there?”
posted by dersins at 11:34 PM on April 9, 2008

He stopped pulling on the door. “Mom,” he said.

“Your mom’s in there?”

Nicholas nodded.
posted by dersins at 11:34 PM on April 9, 2008

“Does she work in there?”

He nodded again.
posted by dersins at 11:34 PM on April 9, 2008

“Does she know where you are?”

He started to nod, stopped. Started to shake his head no, stopped. He didn’t know what the right answer was.
posted by dersins at 11:34 PM on April 9, 2008

The lady looked at him. Her eyes were pretty but her hair looked weird and there was something shiny stuck through her nose so she was a little scary. “What’s your name?”

She was a stranger so he didn’t know if he should tell but it was too late and he heard himself say “Nicholas.”
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

“What’s your last name, Nicholas?”

He shook his head, looked down. The lady had the same black and white canvas sneakers he did, only hers were dirtier.
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

“Well, what’s your mom’s name?”

She wasn’t very smart. “Mom.”
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

She laughed. “Well, let’s go find her.” She opened the door for him.
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

Inside it was dark and it smelled funny. Like burning a little bit. Like bathroom a little bit. And something else. Like how his Mom smelled a little bit when she got home from work and woke him up to hold him and tell him she loved him and she’d never let him go. Funny like that. Like how her breath was when she did that. That was how it smelled. Funny.
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

Nicholas had never been in there so he looked around but it was too dark to really see anything except there was a counter with a lot of bottles behind it and a big TV up on the wall. There were some stools at the counter and people sitting on two of them. There was someone standing behind the counter, too. It was too dark to see if any of the people was his Mom.
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

The lady led him to a padded bench next to a table. She told him to sit down and she went over to the counter.

There was silver tape on the bench and Nicholas started picking at it. He had just pulled up a corner of the tape when the lady came back.
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

“Your Mom’s on her break,” the lady said. “They’re going to see if they can find her. You just stay right here.” She went over to the counter and sat down on one of the stools and someone gave her a glass of something.
posted by dersins at 11:35 PM on April 9, 2008

Nicholas kept pulling at the tape. He was going to see if he could get it to come up all in one piece without tearing or anything but it was hard because it was wrinkly and sort of soft and dirty like it had been there for a long time.
posted by dersins at 11:36 PM on April 9, 2008

There's a song that I recall
My mother sang to me.
She sang it as she tucked me in
When I was ninety-three.

Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po,
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Oh!

Ying. Ying tongy tongy.
Ying tong iddle I po.
Ying ying ying tongy tongy.
Yeeeng.
Ying tong ying tong d'gy-n'o.
Ying tong d'ga.
D'g d'g d'ga.
Ying tong iddle I po.

Hear that crazy rhythm
Driving me insane.
Strike your partner on the bonk.
Ooh. I felt no pain.

Take me back to Vienna....
Ohhhhh!

Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Whoooooh!
posted by wendell at 11:36 PM on April 9, 2008

end
posted by dersins at 11:36 PM on April 9, 2008

Nice timing, Wendell!
posted by dersins at 11:39 PM on April 9, 2008

So, now, what's this "nuts" project, LobsterMitten?
posted by dersins at 11:43 PM on April 9, 2008

Bluebottle: Now, man, I was trained in Judo by the great Bert. Using the body as a counter-pivot to displace the opponent, I use the great Bert's method of throwing the opponent to his death! Be warned, Moriarty, one false move and you die by Bert's method!
Moriarty: Take that!
[thud]
Bluebottle: AHOO! Wait till I see that twit Bert.
Eccles: You- you hit my friend Bottle again and see what happens!
[thud]
Bluebottle: AHOO!
Eccles: See, that's what happens!
posted by wendell at 11:44 PM on April 9, 2008

Bloodnok: I'll turn a deaf ear.
Seagoon: I didn't know you had a deaf ear.
Bloodnok: Yes, I found it on the floor of a barber's shop.
posted by wendell at 11:46 PM on April 9, 2008

very nice story dersins.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:46 PM on April 9, 2008

I figured we could play categories. Hence: nuts.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:47 PM on April 9, 2008

Bloodnok: What's the matter with you this morning, Seagoon? Why have you got such a long face?
Seagoon: Heavy dentures, sir.
posted by wendell at 11:48 PM on April 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

pine nuts/ pignioli
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:48 PM on April 9, 2008

indeed.

Lobstermitten: this is my favorite kids in the hall skit for the most rememberable moments.

Sorry I've been MIA, i was playing poker with friends from work. I lost twice in the same game, but it was fun, and I drank scotch. Unfortunately I can't participate in tonights longboat, but I see dersins has learned well from my example, hopefully others will follow.

Remember, we must push the bar higher so those who follow after us can only fail by comparison.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:49 PM on April 9, 2008

pistachios
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:49 PM on April 9, 2008

Thanks.

Now about those nuts...

Have we discussed pistachios?
posted by dersins at 11:50 PM on April 9, 2008

OMG!
posted by dersins at 11:51 PM on April 9, 2008

AW, NUTS!
posted by wendell at 11:51 PM on April 9, 2008

What about lychee nuts?
posted by dersins at 11:52 PM on April 9, 2008

Or coconuts?
posted by dersins at 11:52 PM on April 9, 2008

Or macadamia nuts?
posted by dersins at 11:53 PM on April 9, 2008

Or brazil nuts?
posted by dersins at 11:53 PM on April 9, 2008

Or is this not really in the proper spirit of things?
posted by dersins at 11:53 PM on April 9, 2008

Pistachios?

Gezhundheit!
posted by wendell at 11:53 PM on April 9, 2008

I'm bad at the spirit of things sometimes.
posted by dersins at 11:54 PM on April 9, 2008

I apologize for that.
posted by dersins at 11:54 PM on April 9, 2008

I'm kind of a bad person, actually.
posted by dersins at 11:54 PM on April 9, 2008

*hangs head in shame*
posted by dersins at 11:54 PM on April 9, 2008

Hazelnuts?

Yes, but don't tell her husband.

Filbert?

That's the guy.
posted by wendell at 11:56 PM on April 9, 2008

Comment 3500 was an apology.

Seems somehow appropriate.
posted by dersins at 11:57 PM on April 9, 2008

That girl drink sketch is great; hadn't seen it.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:57 PM on April 9, 2008

And on that note, I must to bed.
posted by dersins at 11:58 PM on April 9, 2008

Goodnight thread.
posted by dersins at 11:58 PM on April 9, 2008

Goodnight, wendell.
posted by dersins at 11:58 PM on April 9, 2008

Goodnight, LobsterMitten.
posted by dersins at 11:58 PM on April 9, 2008

I need to use "getting paperclips" as my new reference for going to the bar.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:59 PM on April 9, 2008

Goodnight, mrzarquon.
posted by dersins at 11:59 PM on April 9, 2008

dersins, it's totally in the spirit of things. carry on, my wayward son.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:59 PM on April 9, 2008

Goodnight, Sans quoi.
posted by dersins at 11:59 PM on April 9, 2008

Macadamias?

Yes, I consider myself somewhat of a macademic...
posted by wendell at 12:00 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Goodnight metafilter.
posted by dersins at 12:00 AM on April 10, 2008

good night -
we've dislodged (or are about to dislodge) Tris Speaker.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:00 AM on April 10, 2008

Cashews

Gezhundheit again.
posted by wendell at 12:03 AM on April 10, 2008

Next target: Stan Musial, 3630
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:07 AM on April 10, 2008

Goodnight, Dick.

Goodnight, Gracie.

Goodnight, Moon.

Goodnight and Goodluck.

Goodnight but not a Greatnight.

Good night, Sweet Prince, and Good Prince, Sweet knight.

And in the words of a poem by Henry Gibson. there is no such thing as good grief.
posted by wendell at 12:08 AM on April 10, 2008

horse chestnuts? are they different from regular chestnuts?
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:08 AM on April 10, 2008

Eccles: The wagon train with your wife on board has been attacked by the Indians!
Captain: My wife? Is she safe?
Eccles: Yeah.
Captain: I never did like them Indians.
Lt. Hern: Did they follow you?
Eccles: Yeah. They were shooting at me all the time. But I just stuck my tongue out at them.
Lt. Hern: Get wounded?
Eccles: Yeah.
Lt. Hern: Where?
Eccles: In the tongue.
posted by wendell at 12:10 AM on April 10, 2008

horse chestnuts are generally more painful...
posted by wendell at 12:12 AM on April 10, 2008

Seagoon: I struggled to free myself before the dynamite exploded.
Bloodnok: Don't worry, Seagoon.
Seagoon: Bloodnok! Eccles!
Bloodnok: Quick, untie him.
Eccles: OK, I'd better hurry up before the-
[explosion]
Eccles: That's got his legs free.
Seagoon: Yes, but where are they?
Eccles: Here they are.
posted by wendell at 12:14 AM on April 10, 2008

Seagoon: What a brilliantly mediocre idea! You'll get an OBE for this.
Bloodnok: Oh good, my last one died.
Seagoon: Well, we've all got to go some time.
Bloodnok: Yes, I went this morning, it was hell in there.
posted by wendell at 12:16 AM on April 10, 2008

Through the pigeonhole flew a carrier pigeon. There was something attached to its leg. It was a postman.
posted by wendell at 12:18 AM on April 10, 2008

Announcer: Neddie Seagoon arrived at the port of Guatemala, where he was accorded the typical Latin welcome to an Englishman.
Moriarty: Hands up, you pig swine.
posted by wendell at 12:20 AM on April 10, 2008

He was a tall, vile man, dressed in the naval uniform of a sea-going sailor. Under his left arm he held a neatly rolled anchor, while with his right he scanned the horizon with a pair of powerful kippers.
posted by wendell at 12:22 AM on April 10, 2008

MST3K owes their existence to all these songs were released and I wanted to use for your tight, simple, direct, usually-single-linked posts... If this happens, flag it and move the American version of every column somewhere on the deservedly-maligned UPN network titled The Mullets. But then, I'm going to sue Battlestar Gallactica over the end may have caused other MeFites. If this works, I'm trading in my chest.
posted by wendell at 12:27 AM on April 10, 2008

I'm going to have to sign off too. It's been real, and I will always think of this as our little bonus room.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:28 AM on April 10, 2008

wendell, you are truly heroic. If we should ever meet in real life (and realize it) I'm buying you a drink. Good luck tonight in the wee small hours.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:30 AM on April 10, 2008

After hours of listening to classic Goon Shows over the last few days, I have been inspired to write an absurdist radio show of my own, and I think I'll do it here, during the waning hours of the San Quoi. Will I finish it before the thread closes? STAY TUNED!
posted by wendell at 12:30 AM on April 10, 2008

Ok, parting shot, for all my homeys...

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: a vast and barnacl'd longboat hull
Stands in the desert. Near it on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd oar lies, whose splintered blade
And smooth-worn grip and bowed shaft
Tell that its rowers well those waters clove
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these empty oarlocks,
The waves that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the transom these words appear:
"My name is Sans Quoi, thread of threads:
Look on my stats, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:32 AM on April 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Stay tuned to most of this same website for episode one of the never-before-seen radio show and #1 hit of next week: Wendell's Cabinet of Wonders and Canned Goods! Live, except on the West Coast, where it passed away several hours ago, our condolences.
posted by wendell at 12:32 AM on April 10, 2008

This is not the BBC. This is the MetaFilter Radio Institute, the MRI.

Portions of the following live program were pre-recorded before other portions which were recorded later while still others probably won't happen until hours after this program is over, and dammit, those are always the best parts.
posted by wendell at 12:35 AM on April 10, 2008

Tonight's episode: "The Curse of the Bleeping Fucker" OR "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Dodge My Bullets?"
posted by wendell at 12:36 AM on April 10, 2008

Some portions of this programmay be too intense for those with their screen brightness turned up way too high. Parental discretion is advised because partent should always be discrete; you don't want your kids to actually catch you DOING IT until they're old enough to give you some pointers.
posted by wendell at 12:38 AM on April 10, 2008

Our story begins at the front door of the residence of one of the greatest detectives of all time... a long shadow is cast over the door, due to the fact the light fixture in the wall sconce fell off the wall an is lying on the floor. The visitor has to get way up on his tippy-toes to reach the doorbell.
posted by wendell at 12:41 AM on April 10, 2008

Mystery Man: My goodness. this detective is truly a genius! He's figured out a way to program his doorbell to play his cel phone ringtone. Although I sincerely question his judgement in using the "Crazy Frog" theme.
posted by wendell at 12:43 AM on April 10, 2008

Detective (behind door): Yes, who is it?
Mystery Man: It is I.
Detective: And who is "I"?
Mystery Man: well, YOU are one of the greatest detectives of all times.
Detective: Your last name wouldn't happen to be Costello is it?
Mystery Man: No, but my first name is Elvis.
Detective: Why can't I see you through my eye-level peephole?
Mystery Man: Because I'm short, dammit, didn't you listen to the narrator or are you just trying to rub it in? Go look through your crotch-level peephole and you'll see.
Detective: What makes you think I have a crotch-level peephole?
Mystery Man: Because I'm looking through it myself; I told you I'm short or are you just trying to rub it in?
Detective: My dear sir or madam, I haven't rubbed anything in since the Case of the Missing Truckload of Nivea.
posted by wendell at 12:49 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

The door opens with a loud creaking noise...
Detective: No actually, it's a loud croaking noise. My hobby is frogology.
Mystery Man: Which explains the doorbell, the green smoking jacket and your ability to inflate your cheeks like that.
Detective: No, actually, I wastaught to play the trumpet by Dizzy Gillespie.
posted by wendell at 12:52 AM on April 10, 2008

Mystery Man: Which is all well and good but I have a problem.
Detective: Besides your height?
Mystery Man: You said nyou wouldn't rub it in.
Detective: I'm not. I'm pulling your leg, yanking your chain, turning the screw and getting on your last nerve. No, wait, this is your next-to-last nerve - here, let me put it back...
posted by wendell at 12:54 AM on April 10, 2008

Mystery Man: So, are you interested in my case?
Detective: Depends. Is it a case of Turtle Wax, a case of Rice-a-Roni or a case of genital crabs, all of which I already got as consolation prizes on "The Price Is Right"...
posted by wendell at 1:00 AM on April 10, 2008

whew... must rest...
posted by wendell at 1:02 AM on April 10, 2008

must give brain and sense of humor a break before they both overheat...
posted by wendell at 1:05 AM on April 10, 2008

either a nap or go read Fark for a while...
posted by wendell at 1:08 AM on April 10, 2008

Well here I am again. No, I won't be doing another acrostic, or

maybe I will because,
even though the last two were resounding flops, I shall continue
to try and make you all appreciate the sheer WONDER of
acrostics (they're much better if you can make them rhyme).
For instance,
I had a little duck
Living in my house
The nasty little fuck
Even leapt upon my mouse.
Really, how could you not love them? Acrostics I mean, not mice (or even ducks).
posted by h00py at 1:29 AM on April 10, 2008

Don't leave me, now, wendell. I'm the only person still reading!
posted by cgc373 at 1:34 AM on April 10, 2008

Oh. Well, me and h00py, then.
posted by cgc373 at 1:35 AM on April 10, 2008

I don't have the stamina for real longboating.
posted by cgc373 at 1:38 AM on April 10, 2008

I can lurk, though.
posted by cgc373 at 1:38 AM on April 10, 2008

So I guess I'm more of a lurkboater.
posted by cgc373 at 1:39 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

A stamina-lacking lurkboater in the early A.M. hours, stroking at the end of a long, long—is this dirty?—thread.
posted by cgc373 at 1:40 AM on April 10, 2008

Hey, wendell, do you have any funny stories about Mark Evanier? Your tone and style and whatnot—especially your whatnot—remind me of him.
posted by cgc373 at 1:44 AM on April 10, 2008

I just realized the usefulness ("usefulness") of the multiple tabs. Once you've opened them, they stay open, and you fill 'em in ad hoc and ad nauseam from there, over and over.
posted by cgc373 at 1:46 AM on April 10, 2008

Feels like a cheat, but we have a job to do here. Ethics or morals or whatever are enemies of any system designed to extend artificially a natural member such as 15931 once was.
posted by cgc373 at 1:48 AM on April 10, 2008

Now it's a fat-free Mischief Organ.
posted by cgc373 at 1:49 AM on April 10, 2008

A swollen travesty.
posted by cgc373 at 1:50 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

A schlong slog blog.
posted by cgc373 at 1:52 AM on April 10, 2008

I'm taking it, seriously, but I don't know how much more I can take.
posted by cgc373 at 1:53 AM on April 10, 2008

There's a definite "shaggy-dog" quality to longboating, which mixes oddly with its supposed Viking origins.
posted by cgc373 at 1:54 AM on April 10, 2008

There's also an insomniac advantage and a dreamlike haze. Components found in few other arenas of effort.
posted by cgc373 at 1:55 AM on April 10, 2008

I wish dersins didn't make this look so easy.
posted by cgc373 at 1:56 AM on April 10, 2008

Following the hated and repeated injunction above to use links rather than quotation at length, I note here that I looked up "ad nauseam" at Wikipedia to get the spelling right.
posted by cgc373 at 1:58 AM on April 10, 2008

The article is not very good, frankly. I mean, what does

This article is about the Latin phrase. For the comedy album by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, see Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam.

even mean? I guess I could follow their links to find out, but geez.
posted by cgc373 at 1:59 AM on April 10, 2008

I watched all three seasons of Veronica Mars in the last three days.
posted by cgc373 at 2:06 AM on April 10, 2008

Re-watched, really, since they're DVDs I burned last August, at which time I did the same thing. A marathon viewing session.
posted by cgc373 at 2:07 AM on April 10, 2008

(Last year, I also watched all ten seasons of Friends in eight days. I hardly slept, just fed the discs into the computer one after another.)
posted by cgc373 at 2:09 AM on April 10, 2008

Sorry, I was having one of my Regularly Scheduled Technical Difficulties...
posted by wendell at 2:58 AM on April 10, 2008

to answer cgc373's question of 1:44AM, no I do not know Mark Evanier personally, but I have been following his blog for years, so any M.E. stories I could tell would be something another of his blog followers would already know, you know...
posted by wendell at 3:03 AM on April 10, 2008

So here we go... the thread is still open, and so is the front door of One of The World's Greatest Detectives...
posted by wendell at 3:06 AM on April 10, 2008

only my mind is closed for the night...
posted by wendell at 3:11 AM on April 10, 2008

I'm Batman!
posted by cgc373 at 3:11 AM on April 10, 2008

What?
posted by cgc373 at 3:22 AM on April 10, 2008

I know I'm not really Batman.
posted by cgc373 at 3:22 AM on April 10, 2008

It was a poor joke, sure.
posted by cgc373 at 3:23 AM on April 10, 2008

I guess that makes me Robin.
posted by wendell at 3:24 AM on April 10, 2008

An attempted play on the "I am Spartacus" line prompted by wendell's reference to the World's Greatest Detective.
posted by cgc373 at 3:24 AM on April 10, 2008

[NOT HUMORIST]
posted by cgc373 at 3:25 AM on April 10, 2008

Robin the midnight grave, wendell.

Robin the midnight grave.
posted by cgc373 at 3:26 AM on April 10, 2008

Or maybe a Sparrow.
posted by wendell at 3:26 AM on April 10, 2008

(The implicit "grave-robin" pun is not lost on me. As I said, I'm NOT a HUMORIST.)
posted by cgc373 at 3:28 AM on April 10, 2008

"Maybe Sparrow."
posted by cgc373 at 3:30 AM on April 10, 2008

No, I called the character One of the World's Greatest Detectives because I had not decided where I wanted to go with the character. At the moment, my brain is playing with the idea that the person answering the door may not be who you or the other character thinks he is and the ultimate revelation is going to be very surprising and hopefully funny and hopefully will allow me to put off attempting to write any actual mystery plot until the last minute. And that's how it'sdone.
posted by wendell at 3:35 AM on April 10, 2008

May I just slip in a small word of encouragement to people to use Lincoln rather than pasting entire multipage articles (or entire song lyrics with every last repetition transcribed, etc) into threads? Please do. Thanks.
posted by wendell at 3:40 AM on April 10, 2008

I would like to think wendell followed the link to Neko Case's "Maybe Sparrow" and listened, tears welling in his eyes, to the beauty as it builds, the harmonies like honey poured, and then wendell in an epiphany of grave proportion, hunted for Neko Case's other works, finding them as wise and witty and underwritten with power as I have found them.

wendell, go with Neko Case, man. She lights a way in a dark world.
posted by cgc373 at 4:00 AM on April 10, 2008

On preview: Huh. I guess not.
posted by cgc373 at 4:02 AM on April 10, 2008

Minute Mysteries present the Case of the Neko (NOT a wafer). I am... in moderate awe. And barely functional, sparrow or not.
posted by wendell at 4:18 AM on April 10, 2008

I just started to upload Portishead's new album for a friend, which is chewing up my bandwidth. Dunno how many tabs I can keep open to keep the thread alive. Also, I'm downloading 200 Cigarettes, thinking idly about watching it again. Can't remember much from it from the first time. Millennial angst, I guess? Something like that. Jay Mohr, though. Like Mohr. And Christina Ricci. And a hugely underrated actor named Nicole Parker. She has a chilling role in A Map of the World, which I sometimes think nobody else has ever seen. It's in the prison. Very good.
posted by cgc373 at 4:23 AM on April 10, 2008

I'm doing another string of these comments in tabs, using the above-described technique.
posted by cgc373 at 4:36 AM on April 10, 2008

It really works, but it's so . . . I dunno . . . sleazy? Easy?
posted by cgc373 at 4:37 AM on April 10, 2008

Spirit, flesh, Matthew Broderick, Tangerine Dream (or was it somebody else), Michelle Pfeiffer, and other elements and non sequiturs.
posted by cgc373 at 4:38 AM on April 10, 2008

Maybe Vangelis?
posted by cgc373 at 4:39 AM on April 10, 2008

Huh, I guess the Ladyhawke music wasn't Vangelis or Tangerine Dream.

Still, it has the line, "Are you spirit or are you flesh?" Mouse sees Isabeau for the first time and asks, awestruck—not moderately like wendell on facing the Case of Neko, above, but genuinely, or at least as genuinely as an actor pretending to be awestruck by another actor can be genuine.

Acting's weird, huh?
posted by cgc373 at 4:42 AM on April 10, 2008

Yay!!
posted by mosessis at 4:56 AM on April 10, 2008

One of my favorite writers about the weirdness of acting—and the weirdness of "art" more generally—is Sheila O'Malley at The Sheila Variations. Maybe I should do a post to the front page about her stuff.
posted by cgc373 at 4:56 AM on April 10, 2008

Yay!
posted by cgc373 at 4:57 AM on April 10, 2008

Is there an echo in here?
posted by cgc373 at 4:58 AM on April 10, 2008

3600. That's twelve SPARTAs, if my math is correct.
posted by cgc373 at 5:00 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA

SPARTA
posted by cgc373 at 5:01 AM on April 10, 2008

Sorry, shmeggege and languagehat. But I'm not apologizing to dersins, who has WAY too many SPARTAs for any user. Totally unfair.
posted by cgc373 at 5:03 AM on April 10, 2008

Unless some energetic folks quit their slugabed ways and wake the hell up, we're never gonna reach 3700.
posted by cgc373 at 5:04 AM on April 10, 2008

So Hank Aaron and Ty Cobb and Pete Rose are gonna kick our ass, but Stan Musial might fall before us.
posted by cgc373 at 5:06 AM on April 10, 2008

In fact, Stan's my goal, now.
posted by cgc373 at 5:07 AM on April 10, 2008

I'll just comment until Mr. Musial is a number behind.
posted by cgc373 at 5:07 AM on April 10, 2008

Not apples to oranges, of course.
posted by cgc373 at 5:08 AM on April 10, 2008

More of an issue of "ain't even the same fuckin' sport."
posted by cgc373 at 5:09 AM on April 10, 2008

You know, in the category of "comparisons, aptness of."
posted by cgc373 at 5:10 AM on April 10, 2008

I'm back!
posted by languagehat at 5:10 AM on April 10, 2008

How did Samuel L. Jackson manage to make his inflections so infectious?
posted by cgc373 at 5:11 AM on April 10, 2008

"Hold on to your butts."
posted by cgc373 at 5:11 AM on April 10, 2008

What'd I miss?
posted by languagehat at 5:12 AM on April 10, 2008

"Say 'what' again!"
posted by cgc373 at 5:12 AM on April 10, 2008

OK, we can totally take Stan the Man.
posted by languagehat at 5:13 AM on April 10, 2008

We've got 17 minutes.
posted by languagehat at 5:13 AM on April 10, 2008

And only 15 comments to go.
posted by languagehat at 5:14 AM on April 10, 2008

"It'd have to be one charming motherfucking pig. It'd have to be ten times more charming than that Arnold on Green Acres."
posted by cgc373 at 5:14 AM on April 10, 2008

Well, 16 minutes and 14 comments.
posted by languagehat at 5:14 AM on April 10, 2008

Help me out here, people. We're going to be #4 on the all-time hit list.
posted by languagehat at 5:16 AM on April 10, 2008

Not even a contest anymore, really.
posted by cgc373 at 5:16 AM on April 10, 2008

Four thousand is a contest, but unwinnable.
posted by cgc373 at 5:16 AM on April 10, 2008

Too bad we couldn't beat out Pete Rose, that worthless fuck, but that's baseball.
posted by languagehat at 5:17 AM on April 10, 2008

I really wanted to save the dozen SPARTAs for you, languagehat, but that wasn't a winnable contest, either.
posted by cgc373 at 5:17 AM on April 10, 2008

Well, for you or for shmeggege.
posted by cgc373 at 5:18 AM on April 10, 2008

I mean, aside from the gambling, when he was player-manager he kept putting himself in the lineup even when he was clearly hurting the team, just so he could run up his stats.
posted by languagehat at 5:18 AM on April 10, 2008

But not dersins.
posted by cgc373 at 5:18 AM on April 10, 2008

Never for dersins.
posted by cgc373 at 5:19 AM on April 10, 2008

But this isn't about Pete Rose, that fuck, it's about the longboat and the glory of the longboat.
posted by languagehat at 5:19 AM on April 10, 2008

One time, in MetaTalk, I shot dersins in the face with a bazooka.
posted by cgc373 at 5:20 AM on April 10, 2008

Seriously.
posted by cgc373 at 5:20 AM on April 10, 2008

And dersins is an important part of that glory. Let us not allow his milestone-hogging ways to tarnish our memories of his participation.
posted by languagehat at 5:20 AM on April 10, 2008

No, seriously. In the face.
posted by cgc373 at 5:21 AM on April 10, 2008

I smell a rat.
posted by danOstuporStar at 5:24 AM on April 10, 2008

Now I feel sad.
posted by cgc373 at 5:24 AM on April 10, 2008

And LobsterMitten was there, and desuetude (our blushing chef), and mrzarquon, and Burhanistan, and cortex, and gnfti, and rtha, and Dr. Curare (Catalan-slinger extraordinaire), and shmegegge, and pineapple, and wendell, and jessamyn, and matthewr, and Phire... and you were there, cgc373, and I was there, and we all pulled the oars and sang the songs and told stories into the night.
posted by languagehat at 5:25 AM on April 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Alan Rickman in Die Hard sad.
posted by cgc373 at 5:25 AM on April 10, 2008

I'm starting to get a little choked up.
posted by languagehat at 5:27 AM on April 10, 2008

Oh, crap! Have I been bollocksing shmegegge's name?
posted by cgc373 at 5:27 AM on April 10, 2008

I nominate cgc373 shooting dersins in the face with a bazooka as the greatest dual duel in this thread. Who is with me and who is wrong?
posted by danOstuporStar at 5:28 AM on April 10, 2008

With a name like cgc373, it behooves me to get others' handles right.
posted by cgc373 at 5:28 AM on April 10, 2008

It's not the least I can do.
posted by cgc373 at 5:28 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd like to thank sansgras for unknowingly providing the pretext for the voyage, and heatherann for giving us the first push away from shore.
posted by languagehat at 5:28 AM on April 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Almost the least.
posted by cgc373 at 5:29 AM on April 10, 2008

Now I'm just filling tabs for the finale.
posted by cgc373 at 5:29 AM on April 10, 2008

Hopeful.
posted by cgc373 at 5:29 AM on April 10, 2008

But resigned to failure.
posted by cgc373 at 5:29 AM on April 10, 2008

Most of the crew are belowdecks snoozing or have paddled off to some lesser employment, but we few, we faithful, we are here.
posted by languagehat at 5:30 AM on April 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

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